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love is an abstract concept for everyone, apparently. being in love is hard because it's almost impossible to fully express that love, how do you know if you are in love? it's not the same for every partner, not the same for every friend, for every family member. love is hard because there's no metric system for it, you can't force it, can't avoid it, yet if you can't even fully comprehend the love you feel, how are you supposed to comprehend other's love?
love is an abstract concept, but there's an even more abstract concept yoongi has to deal with; aromanticism.
it's really weird how you can know you won't feel something you have never felt. if you can't describe love, how can you know you can't feel it? how can you be sure you won't ever feel it?
for yoongi, his sexuality is, first of all, fluid. maybe it's his cowardice. maybe is the irrational and compulsive fear of what would happen if someday he finds himself loving and has to explain that to people who thought he couldn't love, maybe is the fear of people who were in love with him feeling betrayed and fooled. maybe is hope, maybe it’s the way he clings to the possibility of ever being in love.
it doesn't really matter what it is, sexuality is supposed to make you feel comforted, and yoongi is comforted by calling his sexuality fluid.
even if deep inside he knows it's not.
sometimes being aromantic is hard, not because of the sexuality itself but because people somehow think that just because yoongi can't romantically love he can't feel any type of affection, he's a lost cause or worst, a waste of time.
the truth is, yoongi is full of love. and when you have been out for as long as him (almost nine years full of self-discovering) you get used to analyzing your love a lot, to think about your love and the people close to you. now it’s easy for yoongi to classify and identify love, the questions ‘how much do i love this person?’ ‘how do i love this person?’ 'do i even love this person?' are now easy for him to answer.
he loves his parents a lot, even if his parents don't love him back with the same intensity. he loves his hyung a whole lot too because he's calm and comforting and he always knows what to say to make yoongi feel better. he loves his friends, who are really really good people. he loves jeongguk because he's sensitive and understanding and so impossibly soft. he'd wear his heart on his sleeve for anyone to see, jeongguk who'd be so giving he sometimes forgot to take care of himself, jeongguk who was shy to ask for physical affection but would be the happiest with something as simple as a pet on his head, who is so hardworking he always achieved everything he wanted. he loves taehyung because taehyung is intense and full of vitality and life. he'd always be running around and doing things, being the most dynamic person ever. he loves taehyung because taehyung isn't afraid of his feelings and has such a high emotional intelligence yoongi feels like he's always learning when he's with him.
he loves namjoon because namjoon is big and scary looking but so soft and comforting, so smart and full of funny nerdy facts about everything. yoongi loves namjoon cause even if namjoon doesn't see it, he's always growing, always hungry for knowledge and wanting to be a better person. he loves him cause namjoon is self-aware and honest, such a calm and pacifier soul.
he loves his dog because he makes him happy when he chews on things he shouldn't have near his mouth, when he waits for yoongi to get back home so he can jump around and bark at him. he loves holly because holly keeps him grounded. the idea of being responsible for another life makes it impossible for him to feel like giving up.
he loves his landlord because she is kind, loving and she had helped him when he first moved to seoul- she always understood when yoongi was late on his rent. even now she sends him at least one sms a week asking how he's doing and if he's eating well. he knows she does this cause yoongi reminds her of her son, who is working abroad, but he's grateful and always willing to help her carry her groceries, water her plants, and fix up odds and ends her husband was too old to figure out on his own.
he loves the cats in the neighborhood because they are cute and always ready to be pet, he loves his little cousins even if they send him weird memes he doesn't always understand and he loves his old neighbor who is always quiet, always letting him borrow some of his outsourced coffee.
he also loves byulyi, sungin, woosung, jeonguk, taemin, hwitaek and katie because they are all very good classmates, working with them is awesome and makes yoongi really enjoy his major, which is amazing. he loves younghyun too because the kid is a fucking genius and everything he writes or composes is art which inspires him to be a better producer. younghyun is an understanding and giving person too, talking with him is so interesting and fulfilling it makes yoongi feel like he could do it forever, also younghyun is not greedy with his talents, he's always willing to share his knowledge with everyone willing to listen.
he almost loves the barista of his favorite cafe because she always knows his order and lets him rant about work. he loves his coworkers too, even if sometimes they are incompetent little shits.
but there's one person able to make yoongi doubt himself and send him directly to an undying spiral of self-questioning.
this person is jung hoseok.
jung hoseok and his big heart-shaped smile, jung hoseok and his funny ears peeking out of his beanie, jung hoseok and his laugh, jung hoseok and his optimism, his happiness, but also his sadness and hardships. jung hoseok and his amazing dance, his talent, his vocation. jung hoseok and his colorful clothing, his ridiculous socks, his long exhausting studio hours, the cute sound effects he does when he laughs, the way he hugs yoongi as if he was holding something precious, the way he looks at him, as if… as if he couldn't love someone more than he loves him.
being loved can be overwhelming, yoongi learned long ago, overwhelming and painful for both parties involved, but hoseok's love is anything but painful. hoseok's love is warm, like the sun in early spring days, like freshly baked bread, like hugging someone you missed for a long time, like listening to a childhood song that reminds you only of good times.
hoseok's love is warm like no one else’s and yoongi loves it. loves love when it's about hoseok.
“hob-ah!” yoongi yells, entering the uni’s cafeteria, rushing to hoseok, who is sitting at one of the last tables with a blonde guy.
“yoon-hyung!” hoseok calls back, voice full of laughter and joy, opening his arms big- big for yoongi to hide on them. "how are you, hyung? was your day okay?"
"uh, could have been worse," yoongi mutters back with a lazy smile, "you?"
"pretty good actually," hoseok informs with a big smile on his face. "this is jimin, he's new on my program."
"hi! i'm park jimin! nice to meet you," the blonde introduces himself smiling softly, bowing politely.
"hi jimin-ssi, i'm yoongi, hoseok's hyung," yoongi states not unkindly, bowing back, "take care of this guy for me, he's always getting injured and overworking himself."
"you do the exact same!" hoseok yells incredulously, looking at yoongi with a fake betrayed look on his face.
"false, i've never gotten myself injured at uni," yoongi teases, scrunching his nose childishly while sticking out his tongue.
the brunette turned to jimin, ignoring yoongi's teasing words. "don't let him fool you, jimin-ah, that's just cause he doesn't even move"
"hoseok, you are such a bad dongsaeng, making fun of your hyung, ah, kids these days" yoongi whines, faking disappointment.
"don't worry, yoongi-ssi, i'll make sure hobi-hyung doesn't get injured any time soon. we need him for our recital, so injuries are totally forbidden," jimin says, looking really compromised with the task.
"just hyung is okay, jimin-ah, if you are hob-ah's friend we might be seeing each other a lot from now on"
"okay then, yoongi hyung" jimin blushes, looking delighted with himself, which, cute.
"my hyung and my dongsaeng are making fun of me, i can't believe it" hoseok fake sobs, making all of them laugh.
"you guys look really good together, i'm sure you are the uni's cutest couple," jimin blurts out just then, looking at them as if they were the most adorable thing ever.
yoongi chuckles in response, not mockingly but good-heartedly, making a dismissive gesture with his hand as hoseok answers. "oh we are not together."
jimin's face is probably worthy of a picture, his small eyes widening in shock, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. he opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, totally taken aback before finally rushing to apologize. "i'm sorry! oh my god, i'm so sorry, hyungs, i just thought…"
"don't worry," yoongi says calmly, intertwining his fingers with hoseok's, "a lot of people think we are dating, but i'm actually aromantic," he explains, smiling at hoseok, who looks at him with his pretty face full of pride and confidence.
"yeah, and you are not totally wrong. i'm in love with yoongi hyung"
—
when yoongi met hoseok it was cold. so, so cold it felt like the sun would never appear in the sky again. ‘of course it was cold,’ yoongi thought later, ‘the sun wasn't in the sky cause he was just here, in person, meeting me.’
hoseok was his new neighbor after jaehyun moved out of the unit next to his. after five months of having the floor all for himself and helping choi-nim to post ads everywhere, she found him a new neighbor. “it’s a kid around your age, so i hope you two become friends” she texted yoongi when hoseok signed his lease, the text accompanied of a poorly edited good morning picture with a low-quality photo of seoul as background (which yoongi loved a lot, he even had a folder on his phone full of choi-nim’s good morning pictures)
and just as she said, in a couple of weeks, after hoseok introduced himself by gifting yoongi a bottle of wine, he forced himself into yoongi's daily routine. although yoongi has to admit he didn't put much resistance, so it wasn't very difficult for hoseok and his big smiles and warm greetings to earn himself a place on yoongi's heart, especially not after being a really good neighbor to holly, whose tail shook wildly every time he saw hoseok.
slowly, hoseok stopped being just yoongi's neighbor but his friend. then he met his friends and he easily stepped into the role of everyone’s friend. saying yoongi enjoyed his company was an understatement, especially considering the enormous amount of time hoseok started spending at his apartment, eating all of yoongi's food, listening to his music when yoongi needed some feedback, watching movies with him, keeping an eye on him when yoongi got too ambitious with his work and forgot about everything but work, coffee and short bathroom trips, leaving all of his nasty protein shakes all over yoongi's kitchen, gifting holly lots of pretty puppy toys because "hyung, you work too much, holly must feel lonely", or simply hanging out, doing his homework on yoongi's living room as if it was his home and leaving hoodies scattered all over because "hyung you always have the heat on so high what the fuck."
by fall they considered themselves best friends. soulmates hoseok joked while cuddling yoongi on his couch. it was because of things like this that yoongi couldn't help it but started loving hoseok, the silly loud dance student who was friends with everyone but loved yoongi the most, with his unprejudiced expression, kind smile and surprisingly wise advice. it was comforting having someone that didn't think that because he was aromantic he hated all displays of affection, especially because yoongi was a cuddly person and he loved small gestures like holding hands or stroking his dongsaengs hair, feeling protected in his friend's arms when they hugged him, the intimacy of being comfortable enough with someone to be on your most vulnerable state without feeling embarrassed about it.
but like everything, that calm didn't last long.
maybe it was obvious for the rest, maybe not. sometimes yoongi still thinks, lying down on his bed if maybe other people noticed. if they could see the way hoseok looked at him.
if they noticed how yoongi didn't look back at him the same way.
because while hoseok was falling in love with him, hard and with no return, yoongi still felt the same tingling warmth he felt the first day they met. no more, no less, and it was devastating, it was heartbreaking how they both knew it, how even before yoongi knew he was gonna break hoseok's heart, hoseok already knew it, but couldn't do anything to stop his feelings.
"hey hob-ah," yoongi called one day, both cuddled on yoongi's bed, curling around each other like snowcats. days were slowly getting colder, winter coming again, and their first winter together threatened to be the last. "hob-ah, hey, i love you" the older said, face pressed against hoseok's chest, fingers intertwined because hoseok knew yoongi liked to have as much physical contact as possible while cuddling.
it was at that moment, when hoseok's breath got caught on his throat, that yoongi knew. he could feel it, how hoseok's heart pounded with the ferocity of a man in love. and hoseok knew it too when he caressed yoongi's hair, a deep sigh escaping his lips, when he wasn't able to say it back, when the weak words "me too" met the cold air of the room, they both knew it was over.
if a few resigned tears escaped hoseok's eyes, they didn't say a word about it, just as they didn't say a word about how terrible their feelings were.
the thing is, when you are aromantic, that everyone supports you until they are in love with you. until love turns their hearts into greedy selfish little things that wouldn't accept a no for an answer. it's at the same time worst and better when you are aromantic and asexual, like yoongi, because even if you can mostly avoid explaining such a complicated spectrum to your hookups, you are helpless, and people take advantage of that. things like affectively irresponsible, emotionally constipated, emotionally stunted were the most painful. how people he trusted turned their backs at him, calling him an asshole, an unloving dick, just because he couldn't do something he told them he couldn't do. how he had to see friends, colleagues, classmates humiliate him just because of his sexuality was so fucking hurtful, the way they'd try to make him feel responsible for their feelings. the number of nights he spent crying asking himself did i do something to make them feel like this? to make them believe they had a chance? is it my fault? am i too flirty? maybe too cuddly, was it my fault? why couldn't i just pretend? why do i have to feel like this? why do i have to be like this?
and sometimes, very few times, when people were understanding enough, when they were decent enough to try to keep the friendship… they weren't really, cause they'd constantly say these backhanded comments, how sad it is to love someone who doesn't love you back, how sad unrequited love is. they would constantly try to force themselves on yoongi, so much, it makes him lose all interest in the relationship, and finally, he'd only feel uncomfortable, hanging out with them out of obligation, replying to their messages out of the guilt of rejecting them and everything would be irretrievably ruined, because how those feelings change our relationship? what do you expect from me now? how can i laugh at your sexual jokes if i know you are probably thinking of me? how can i still being flirty as we were not knowing if i'm making it seem like you have a chance? the change of dynamic was so abrupt yoongi wasn't able to keep up, and in the end, he'd end up ghosting the person, turning into this heartless demon other people said he was.
for a long time, yoongi felt like every time someone confessed to him it was his fault, cause surely, he must have done something to make the other person believe he could correspond their feelings. for a long time, he hid, hid his heart and his feelings. for a long time he avoided acting too affective, too demonstrative, every talk about feelings was absolutely banned and he tried his best to be as unlovable as possible, but it didn’t make it better, running away from the problem didn't make it better, it just made him feel as lonely as ever, isolated of everyone and everything, as unworthy of love as those people made him believe.
so he went to therapy and tried to heal himself.
it was a long and hard process, but it was worth it. he was worth it, because he deserved happiness, and now, even if some nights were still hard, even if he could still feel the pain of being shamed running through his veins, most days were good, and most important, he wasn’t lonely anymore, he had a support system full of loving people ready to help him through rough times.
hoseok was not to blame, obviously. hoseok wasn’t to blame for the shit other people did to him, for how other people made him feel, but at that moment, yoongi couldn’t help but feel paralyzed in fear, in guilt. even if hoseok's hands never stopped touching him with that loving softness, he still felt like he was the worst human alive for breaking hoseok's heart.
after that, they didn't see each other for a couple of days, in fact, they pretty much avoided each other, running away on the corridor, avoiding all of their friends, yoongi even logged off social media because he didn't want to see hoseok's posts, in case they were against him, but lying awake in bed anyway, hoping maybe, just maybe, hoseok would knock the wall, yelling an intelligible thing that yoongi would interpret as an "i'm coming so you better open the door for me". his heart cried for the hoseok's company, but he didn't want to know yet if hoseok hated him. what he didn't count on is that hoseok was always too honest, so less than two weeks after the infamous incident, he knocked at yoongi's door, drained face, mirroring his, both had deep dark eye bags, skin pale and eyes full of feelings, too many things confined in too few words.
"i'm sorry, hyung." was the first thing out of hoseok's mouth, a pitiful sound closer to a sob than actual words. his voice was so small that yoongi could physically feel how his heart was breaking just because of hoseok's pain.
"no, no hoseok, don't apologize, why are you apologizing?" yoongi questioned, holding the younger face in his hands, gently wiping his tears with his thumbs, as if that would make hoseok stop hurting.
"because-" hoseok sobbed, fully crying now, lips trembling, his whole body shaking with the force of his own cries. "because i wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, i wasn't supposed to hurt you hyung," he explained, "i tried so hard not to feel like this, i told myself it wasn't right, but i couldn't help it, hyung, i swear i tried"
"hoseok," yoongi muttered, completely lost of words, "hobi, wanna come in?"
they sat down in yoongi's living room, just as they did almost every day not too long ago, but everything was so different, since the one crying hoseok to the obvious distance between them, each at one end of the couch. "talk to hyung, hoseok, you know you can tell me anything," yoongi tried, an attempt of a comforting smile on his face, "i won't interrupt you"
"i just…" hoseok started, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, "i didn't want to fall in love with you, but not because of what you think," he said, eyes still closed, but the wounded expression still present. "i'm not worried about you rejecting me, i can deal with that, i don't need you to reciprocate my feelings, hyung, i was happy as we were until now, i didn't want to fall for you because of how that'd make you feel. i know how other people treated you in the past, i know how you feel when people fall in love with you, you told me about it, how you start feeling overwhelmed and suddenly lose interest, i'm scared of making you feel like that. i'm scared you think you are obligated to reciprocate my feelings, that you made something for me to feel this way so you are responsible for me now, i'm not a child, i'm a grown man, i fell for you knowing perfectly well you are not going to love me back, and i'm okay with that because i don't deserve a love that is not sincere and you don't deserve to force yourself to love someone. i'm afraid because even if i don't expect anything this changes things and i hate it, i hate knowing that i'm losing one of the most amazing friendships ever, i hate that this lasted so little, but yoongi hyung," hoseok said, finally sitting straight and looking at yoongi in the eye, "i don't regret loving you, i'm sorry but i don't regret it, because loving you is one of the sweetest things ever, loving you is like… i can't even put it in words, but it's the best feeling ever, knowing i love such an amazing person, someone how'd never want to hurt anyone, someone how so hardworking and beautiful as you, hyung, i love loving you, just looking at you, just sitting with you right now is enough to make my heart so, so full. i won't ever regret loving you, yoongi, but i'm sorry i'm putting you in this position because i know it's uncomfortable for you, that's why i'm sorry."
"hoseok…" yoongi sobbed, covering his face with his hands, making himself small while biting down his tears.
how can someone so wonderful love me? why me? what have i done to deserve jung hoseok's love?
"hyung are you crying? why are you crying?" hoseok panicked, standing out and power walking to him but stopping midway as if he was unsure if he was allowed to get closer or no. "can i hug you?"
"jung hoseok, you big sap," yoongi laughed, an incredulous sound wet of tears, "of course you can, come here," he cried, throwing himself into hoseoks arms, hugging him tightly enough to hurt, his chest against hoseok's, both hearts beating fast fast fast in unison, clammy hands holding him close close close, as if hoseok would somehow disappear between his fingers if he didn't hold him tight enough, because hoseok, always perfect hoseok without even knowing said just the perfect thing, just what yoongi always wanted to hear, this fucking perfect boy and his fucking perfect confession, this boy who loved him enough to understand he wasn't going to be loved back, bearing his heart for yoongi to break just here, where they felt the safest, where they share so many memories, just here in his living room, yoongi had to break his heart. "i love you, hoseok" he said, closing his eyes tightly, as if that would make it hurt less.
"i know" hoseok answered instantly, softly petting yoongi's hair.
"but i don't love you as you love me"
"i know"
"and i will never do"
"i know," he said again, still holding yoongi, no hint of resentment in his voice.
"so you need to fall out of love with me, hoseok, and for that, we need space" yoongi concluded, voice watery.
"okay, hyung"
yoongi broke the hug and looked at him, cat-like eyes terribly sad. he combed hoseok's hair back affectionately, forcing the younger to look at him, forcing himself to see what he was doing to him, punishing himself. "are you okay with that?" he asked finally.
"i'm okay with whatever you choose, hyung," hoseok agreed, still no signs of regret in his face, just bittersweet resignation. "stop blaming yourself yoongi, this isn't your fault, this isn't anyone's fault," he said then, loosening the hold on his waist, "we'd be okay"
"away from each other," he finalized.
"away from each other," hoseok confirmed.
—
they didn't last long like that. living so close and sharing a friend group, it was almost impossible for them not to be constantly seeing each other, and after barely two months of their "away from each other" time, they gave up. or most like hoseok gave up and sent yoongi a text saying that he missed him too much, that he was his best friend first and the separation thing was getting ridiculous, so if yoongi wanted, they should start seeing each other again, as friends obviously, just as friends. at first, it was hard. they were too uncomfortable with each other and conversation stopped flowing as it normally did. hanging out at their apartments seemed too intimate, but going out every time was just too forced and abnormal, so much, archiving their past normally seemed almost impossible, but with patience and a whole lot of love, they did it.
some days, yoongi felt so comfortable that he almost forgot hoseok ever confessed to him, crying about how much he loved him, how he didn't regret falling in love with him. some days, it felt as if they were just two normal best friends, but then, the realization would hit him, the memories of that ugly devastating period where he had to stay away from this wonderful boy just because of his incapacity to love, in moments like this his stomach would feel queasy, limbs uncomfortably weak and the food in his stomach would threaten to come back. in moments like this hoseok would ask him if he wanted him to go, if he needed him to call someone so they'd take care of him or if he just wanted to be alone, and just that gesture, even if it seemed like the bare minimum made yoongi felt so loved and cared for, in a good way, in the best way. some days hanging out with hoseok was too hard, too difficult, and yoongi’s mind wouldn’t stop bothering about how wrong the whole thing was, but hoseok was an adult, right? he was responsible for his own actions, for his decisions, yoongi was honest with him and set healthy boundaries, he was clear about what hoseok should and should not expect from him, then why was he feeling so bad about himself? why was he feeling like he was taking advantage of hoseok’s love to keep him close? he felt like he was holding hoseok down, being his friend meant it’d be harder for the younger to fall out of love with him, he wasn’t letting hoseok forget him.
because you don’t want him to forget you, his traitorous brain would say, because you are greedy and you want him to keep loving you.
it wasn’t like that and they both knew it, but sometimes for yoongi’s mental health, they had to take a step back and put some distance between them, cancel some hang-outs, act like strangers just for a little bit so yoongi’s brain would stop whispering horrible things and convincing him he was the worst person ever. but with time, things started to look better. so much, yoongi didn’t need to put distance between him and hoseok anymore, instead, he was able to talk to hoseok about it, be honest with him about his irrational worries, and let hoseok comfort him about it, talk him through the panic and take care of him after.
they’d lay down on yoongi’s bed, looking at the ceiling and holding hands, talking about their feelings and debating about the healthiest way to deal with them. yoongi would tell hoseok about how he felt like he was hoarding him, keeping his heart eternally occupied with a person who wouldn't be able to give him back what he needed, how he felt like he was manipulating hoseok, keeping him close but at the same time pushing him away, an endless seesaw he made hoseok play just because of his feelings, not giving anything back but not letting him go either. then, hoseok would talk about how he sometimes feels like he'd never be able to not love yoongi. how he can't see himself with someone else, not even an imaginary person, he'd talk to yoongi about how he felt like he was gaslighting yoongi, confessing his feelings, agreeing to put distance and get over yoongi and then begging him for his friendship, acting like nothing was wrong, like he wasn't in love with him. then they'd cry because they are both cry babies in love with communication and awed by how their relationship progressed to a point of no secrets.
"yoongi hyung," hoseok announced one day while entering the kitchen, scaring the shit out of yoongi, who was making dinner for them. "as you know, i'm in love with you, and i don't think i'm going to fall out in love with you anytime soon because i don't want to, i'm happy loving you, and i'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but i don't think i could even if i wanted, so i resigned myself to a life of heart eyes for you."
and as weird as it sounds, yoongi didn't feel uncomfortable at all. a year after hoseok's confession, his love was an integral part of their friendship and honestly, yoongi couldn't imagine himself not being loved by hoseok, tiny soft caring hoseok, with a heart big enough to love for both of them. he found himself that night thinking and thinking and thinking about his feelings, marveled by how this man was able to make yoongi, at twenty-six feel like the insecure weird teenager who overanalyzed every single one of his relationships to carefully classify them in very specific folders. needless to say, hoseok didn't fit any of those folders. he surely looked like the kombucha girl, his mind a constant thread of can i love him? nahh, i can't. but what if? no, stop yoongi you know that's not how it works. okay but this feeling? pretty suspicious. no, it's not . that made his head hurt and question his whole sexuality. in the end, the conclusion was always the same; no, he doesn't romantically loves hoseok, but he doesn't love him like a friend either, it's different than that. something new. he'll never want to have sex with hoseok, or kiss him, or be formally introduced to his parents, or do any of those couple-y things that traditionally define a romantic relationship, but he felt comfortable with hoseok's love, with holding hands, sleeping with him in the same bed, with giving him affectionate forehead kisses, with cuddling so aggressively their cheeks mushed together in a really painful but intimate way. he wanted to wake up in the morning and see hoseok besides him. he wanted to hear hoseok's voice first thing in the morning and last thing at night. he wanted to hear hoseok's laugh, but also be able to wipe his tears. maybe, he wanted to be with hoseok forever.
so he spoke to namjoon about it, because even if namjoon is not in the spectrum, he knows lots of things and took a sexuality course in college so yoongi trusts him with his sexuality crisis, and namjoon, just as yoongi expected, heard all of his worries and then told him "then have that? literally hyung, what's stopping you from doing exactly that?" and well it's not like anything is stopping him but what if that's not what hoseok wants?
"didn't he told you last week he doesn't feel able to fall out of love with you?"
"well yes but-"
"then, if this guy's been willing to be your best friend while being in love with you for more than a year, why on earth do you think he's going to say no?" namjoon asked, genuinely confused.
"i just… how would he explain that? oh, yes, this is my hyung, we are in a relationship but we don't kiss or have sex, and oh, he's not in love with me." yoongi explained, biting on his thumbnail looking distressed. "we can't say we are dating, cause we are not, but we are not friends either"
namjoon hummed appreciatively, nodding and crossing his arms, "then i don't think you are indecisive about if you and hoseok want this or not, i think you just want to put a label on it because you like labels." the smart bastard said, always right, always always right, reading through yoongi as if he was a 1st graders book.
"you think so?" yoongi asked, flipping his freshly black dyed hair just to have something to do with his hands.
"do you?" namjoon questioned back.
"yeah," he admitted, kinda defeated under namjoon's all-knowing gaze. "yeah, i do."
"do you wanna look about it online? i doubt you guys are the only ones having the same kind of relationship"
"okay, let's do that."
that's when yoongi discovered what a queerplatonic relationship is, how that oddly specific dynamic was not weird, and a lot of aspec people were having the same problem naming relationships that weren't romantic but also weren't normal friendships. how that emotional closeness that almost seemed like romantic love but ultimately wasn't, was not uncommon, and in fact, a lot of people were experiencing the same things as yoongi. he joined a discord server, meet more aroace people and made lots of new friends who assured him his feelings were valid and normal, he wasn't monopolizing hoseok's love, he wasn't selfish for wanting to feel loved and his idea of a relationship with non-corresponded romantic feelings wasn't as crazy as he thought.
"i wanna talk to you about something," he told hoseok during a study session at his apartment. they were having a break to eat some fried chicken, and even if yoongi wanted to wait a little more to talk about it, he was so excited he could hardly concentrate on the song he was trying to mix.
"okay," hoseok said, looking at him attentively.
"uh, i recently discovered about this, uh, this thing called qpr, queerplatonic relationship and i… just- i thought maybe you wanted to be in a qrp with me?" he finished, probably the least romantic proposition ever, which, pretty ironic indeed.
hoseok looked at him for a long moment, not judging but confused. "my feelings for you are definitely not platonic, how is that supposed to work?" he asked, wiping his greasy fingers with a napkin, getting into full-serious-conversation mood.
"it's…" yoongi whispered, feeling a lot less confident than when he started, already regretting the whole thing. "you know what? nevermind, it was dumb, forget it, i just-"
"no! no, hyung," hoseok gasped, suddenly apologetic, getting up quickly to make his way by yoongi's side and cuddle him close. "sorry, that sounded harsh, i'm sorry, it didn't mean it like that, explain it to me? please?" he asked, gently stroking yoongi's back, encouraging him to talk.
"are you sure?" yoongi asked, voice watery and small, he was so fucking nervous, he couldn't remember the last time he felt this nervous about something, even less about something that involved hoseok.
"of course, tell me about it, i wanna hear everything about it."
so yoongi told him. he basically vomited all the pinned up words that we're accumulating in his throat, how the relationship was supposed to work, always between their terms and boundaries, how a qpr defined a relationship what was more than friendship but not really romantic, which apparently wasn't weird in the aspec community, how it wasn't necessarily mutually exclusive about pursuing a romantic relationship, considering aspec people not always got sentimentally involved with other aspec people. he explained to hoseok how their dynamic would be basically the same as always, just that now, they'd have a name to call it, so it'd stop just being this thing yoongi and hoseok have going on .
"and you want to be in this queerplatonic relationship with me?" hoseok asked, looking at yoongi with big incredulous eyes, filled with hope and excitement.
"of course i want with you, why wouldn't i? i was worried you wouldn't feel comfortable with it," yoongi said, a confused look on his face, frowning and tilting his head to the side like a confused cat.
"what are you saying, of course i want to be in any type of relationship with you!" the taller said nuzzling yoongi's neck like the clingy baby he was. "i just didn't know that what you felt for me was more than best friends' love?" he explained, cold nose still tickling yoongi's exposed neck.
"what do you mean you didn't know?" yoongi asked, scandalized at the thought of hoseok not knowing about his feelings.
"you never said anything about it? i mean, you told me you love me in a strictly platonic way, that you love me a lot, that i'm your best friend and everything but you never mentioned anything more?"
"of course you are more! you are not even my best friend anymore, that's now joon's spot, you were upgraded like six months ago, hoseok!"
"but you never told me!"
"i thought you knew!"
hoseok helplessly looked at him, seeming more confused every second. "you never told me i meant something else to you, i never ever thought you'd want to be anything more than my friend"
"not even before confessing?" yoongi asked, his eyes filling with tears at the thought of hoseok somehow not knowing how loved he is.
"no? i literally never hoped for something else, i'm very happy with being your friend, i told you so."
"i love you," yoongi answered, words escaping his mouth before he could stop them.
"i love you too, hyung," hoseok said automatically, his eyes so full of sweetness, so full of love love love that it seemed like he'd explode because of how full his heart was. "and i'd love to be in a queerplatonic relationship with you."
—
"i liked your friend," yoongi says, as they enter hoseok's apartment, leaving the groceries on the kitchen table to start organizing them before hoseok gets his greedy hands on the cookies and he eats them all.
"jimin-ah? of course you liked him, i only introduce you to my best dongsaengs," hoseok says, already trying to get some sweets to eat before dinner.
"don't do that, you brat, wait until dinner," yoongi scolds him, slapping his hand away, getting an embarrassing yelp as a response. "his face was funny when you told him you are in love with me, it was nice" he shrugs, trying to seem indifferent, even if they both know yoongi cares a lot about what other people think about their relationship, not like, random people on the street or anything, but their friends, their family, people that's potentially going to be close to them.
"i know, right? i wanted to laugh so bad, that's always so funny" hoseok giggles, tiny expression lines profiling his happy eyes.
"you are such a mean hyung," yoongi says rolling his eyes, not really understanding what hoseok finds so amusing about publicly declaring his love, but happy to indulge him anyways.
"but you love me like that!" hoseok laughs loudly, opening his arms big with a triumphant smile on his face.
hearing him talk so explicitly about yoongi's love, made yoongi feel full of pride and joy, knowing that hoseok is confident about the love he receives is the best thing yoongi could wish for. "yeah, i love you, but i'd love you more if you stopped trying to steal food and brought holly, i can literally hear him crying, god, why is he so clingy?"
"he's just like his dad," hoseok jokes, already on his way to pick up holly and bring him to his apartment so the three of them can eat dinner and hang out before bed.
"are you talking about you or me?" yoongi deadpans, raising an eyebrow.
hoseok blushes all red pretty, clumsily stomping out of the door while muttering to himself. it was so easy to make hoseok flustered, yoongi loves it more than anything, having him all pliant and squirmy just because he said something over-affectionate and took him by surprise, so cute.
after eating dinner and after hoseok told yoongi every single detail about his day, both of them sit on the sofa, holly making himself comfortable between them —a little fluffy brown roll, yoongi loves him so ridiculously much-, and put on some random drama that none of them cared about, but it was funny how dramatic the acting was.
"that guy right there, the crying one, is really handsome," yoongi points out, looking attentively at the pretty man on the tv.
"i was thinking the same, oh my god, hyung, we really are soulmates" hoseok jokes, not caring much about the dude, but ready to use any opportunity to talk about how yoongi and he are soulmates destined to be always together by a bigger force and then a lot of kinda religious rant that yoongi's not sure he completely understands or relates to because he's an atheist, but hoseok is cute when he's excited so he's not complaining.
"i'm sure i've seen him before, don't you think?" the older asks, trying to remember where the fuck he saw such a handsome man before.
hoseok, on his side, shrugs disinterested, "maybe at uni? they have a pretty good acting program, maybe you saw him there," hoseok suggests, poking at holly's fur just to get him to play with him, like every time he did when he was feeling too energetic after dance practice and needed to blow some steam. holly didn't appreciate the gesture, too old and already too lazy to run around with hoseok, he preferred to take naps, bark at everything out of the window, bite his toys and eat, so he clearly wasn't at all happy with hoseok's demeanors.
"let my baby alone, bully, you always make him mad," yoongi scolds him, petting the dog's curls softly, shushing him and talking to him with his baby voice, pouty pink mouth making the cutest noises for his baby as if he was trying to lull him back to sleep.
"he's so spoiled, hyung, you always defend him instead of me," hoseok whines, tugging yoongi's hand to throw him over his legs, forcing him down to get cuddled, crushing holly in the process, who, finally done with them, barked angrily before jumping out of the sofa and disappearing into the room. "wanna cuddle with you hyunggg, i waited all day long."
yoongi gives him an unimpressed look, accepting the cuddles without resistance but clearly unamused by hoseok's behavior. "you upset holly, and we cuddled this morning," he says, nuzzling at hoseok's collarbone and throwing a leg over the brunette hips, putting almost half of his body over the dancer's.
"not enough," hoseok decides, apparently unbothered by yoongi's weight crushing him down, choosing life by not teasing him about how even when he said he didn't wanna cuddle, he'd let hoseok easily manhandle him into any of their favorite cuddling positions. "you are so pretty, such a pretty hyung wanna cuddle you all day long," he keeps whining then, hugging yoongi tightly as if he tried hard enough, they'd both mix into one new person, almost like little kids do with small animals, getting too nervous and overwhelmed by having such a tiny and fragile being in their hands, not knowing what to do with it.
"this is a bit painful, hob-ah," yoongi complains, wiggling his way out of hoseok's suffocating embrace.
"just a bit more, hyung, just a little bit," the other begs, loosening his grip but not letting yoongi go. not like yoongi really tried to get away but giving him the option if he wanted.
as expected, a little bit turned into a two hours cuddle and loving session that made both of them sleepy enough to start planning to move onto the bed, tummies full of good homemade food and hearts full of indescribable immense love.
"hob-ah?" the older asks then, just when hoseok's eyelids start to get heavy and his mind is getting fuzzy with sleep. an intelligible whiny babble was the only thing he got in response. "are you happy?"
"very," hoseok replies, without even having to think about it, "i'm very happy, hyung, are you happy?" he questions then, sounding more awake.
"i am," yoongi mutters, voice tiny tiny, like when he was afraid to ask something, but refusing to voice his concerns. hoseok waited patiently, knowing perfectly well this whole conversation was going somewhere but yoongi needed some time to think about how to put his feelings into words. "but don't you think you'd be happier if i wasn't aro?" the smaller finally asks, physically sinking himself on hoseok's body, looking defeated, like saying those words cause him an actual physical struggle.
"would you?" hoseok offers as an answer, "would you be happier if you weren't aro?"
yoongi thought about it for a moment. it was weird thinking about not being something. it was weird because for a long time all he wished was to be "normal" to have "normal" desires, to be able to date like a normal teen and fool around with girls like all of his classmates. if you had asked 15 years old yoongi that, he'd have said yes without hesitation, but now… "i don't know. i don't think so"
the brunette agrees with a little "hmm" sound, contemplating the answer before speaking, "i don't think so either. i think maybe if we were both alloromantic we wouldn't have such good communication. maybe if we were both alloromantic we would have fallen out of love in like, two months, maybe we wouldn't even have fallen in love, to begin with." hoseok rambles, "there's a lot of possibilities, if you weren't you, aroace yoongi who loves cats but owns a dog, who's too in love with music and too in love with his friends and i weren't i, bisexual hoseok who's oddly enough not interested in being reciprocated romantic attraction, who really loves dance and is a social butterfly but likes his grumpy hyung the best," yoongi giggles at the comment, trying to tickle hoseok so he'd stop being so embarrassing. "we wouldn't be here now, you know? i'm grateful for what we are because it's what brought us here. and i'm happy here."
hoseok can hear yoongi take a couple of deep breaths and waits, the older was probably trying to collect his thoughts and hyping himself up to say whatever he needed to say next, and he was happy to wait. he'd wait for yoongi the rest of his life. "but don't you… don't you ever want more? don't you ever wish you could have a normal relationship?" yoongi keeps questioning.
"this is a normal relationship," hoseok argues back, "yeah, sometimes i wish i could kiss you, sometimes i wish i we could make out, but sometimes i also wish you wouldn't overwork yourself so much, i also wish you stopped buying so many bath bombs because you don't even like baths that much," he laughs, thinking about the time he caught yoongi infraganti sneaking new bath bombs into the bathroom even when they both agreed he wouldn't buy more until he used at least five of the ones he already had. "i'm not going to die because you don't want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with me, hyung, i'm comfortable with what we have, and even though i'm thankful you can talk about your insecurities with me, i also wish you could believe me when i say i love you , i have loved you for a long time already and i'm going to keep loving you cause you are the easiest person to love, like, ever, and being in love with you is lovely and has brought me a lot of joy and happiness, so stop thinking so hard about what if because i don't want any of those imaginary worlds you created on your head. i want you, this you, in any way you'd let me have you."
yoongi sobs a little (because he's a sensitive cry baby) and then, when he felt strong enough to move, he climbs up hoseok's body to leave a lot of butterfly kisses all over his hair, "don't cry, hob-ah, i also love you a lot, and i also love our relationship and no, your feelings aren't a burden that i somehow have to bear, your feelings are something really precious that i hold close to my heart because i love you and i'm grateful that you love me too and that you didn't give up to me and that you agreed to be in this relationship with me. thank you for reassuring me, baby, it makes me feel really safe and cared for, but you can also ask for reassurance if you need it, you don't need to bottle up your feeling cause i'm always going to be right here, ready to hear it all, so don't cry, okay? or you are going to have a headache tomorrow and then you'd be the grumpy one, hm?"
"thank you," hoseok says, voice full of tears, just as his face.
normally, it was yoongi who spoke more about his feelings and insecurities. it was easier for him to express his feelings to hoseok, to open up his soul and let his partner peek inside and take care of him for a moment, but even if yoongi seemed like the sensitive one in the relationship, the truth was, hoseok felt with even more intensity than him. lots and lots of feelings creating a storm inside of his chest, causing so much pressure, so much pain it was hard to breathe. in those moments, when hoseok felt almost out of control, too lost on his own feelings, yoongi would say just what he needed, would hold him just the way he likes, would cook his favorite meal and then he'd hear his interminable rant without interrupting, allowing him to talk and talk and talk endlessly until his throat felt hoarse because all the words he kept inside for so long were finally out, for yoongi to take and look after, for yoongi to wander between doubts and half appreciated feelings and discover what hoseok needed, what they needed to change, what they needed to work on. when his own head was too much for him, yoongi would be there to make sense of his feelings and help him through the sadness. that's why they worked so well, and that's why they'd probably keep working well for a long time, because they complement each other in such a perfect way they didn't even need words for the other to know something was up, to know when to intervene, when they needed to talk and when it was the best to leave them alone.
because even if it was yoongi the one who initiated the conversation, it was because hoseok also needed it, needed to vent, and probably cry a little bit. sometimes hoseok needed a little push and to put things into perspective to stop feeling like he was a burden in his own relationship. but it was okay cause yoongi was always there, ready to help.
"no need to thank me, my love, we are in this together, right? for better and for worst," yoongi says solemnly.
hoseok laughed in response, body shaking through the tears, "isn't that what they say at weddings?" he asks, looking at yoongi with that goofy heart-shaped smile on his face, sadness already being forgotten.
"maybe, i've never been to a wedding." the older says, getting up off the sofa and stretching his arms, elbows popping because of being in the same position for too long, offering a hand to hoseok to take and follow him to the bedroom.
"nice, so our wedding will be your first wedding," hoseok jokes, moving his eyebrows suggestively, always ready to tease yoongi about everything.
"hm, maybe, we'll see," yoongi says simply, disappearing into the room to take his pajamas and then go to the bathroom so he could change in privacy (he wasn't comfortable with nudity. more specific, his own nudity, so even if he couldn't mind less if hoseok wanted to change with him in the room, he'd always go to the bathroom and change there)
"wait, really?" hoseok replies shocked, running after yoongi because he actually couldn't tell if the older was joking or not, "yoongi hyung, really?" he yells incredulously, so much hope in his eyes, so much hope and so much love and so much excitement and so much of all the good things yoongi loves in hoseok, because hoseok looked the best when he was happy.
"don't know, hob-ah, you'll have to stick around to see," he says shrugging as if what he said wasn't a big deal, even if his hands were shaking at the thought of seeing hoseok on an altar, waiting for him.
"bet."
—
from: gguk-ah
yoongi hyungggg
hyungggg
hyung answer to me
hyunggg
yoongi hyunggggg
from: yoongichi
omg what
why are you spamming me, i was taking a nap
are you dying?
you better be fucking dying
from: gguk-ah
good thing you WERE taking a nap
now that you are awake
do you have time for your favorite dongsaeng?
from: yoongichi
why would hoseok need me? he's napping right next to me
from: gguk-ah
hyungnim 😭😭😭
so cold
so hurtful
the betrayal..
idk if i'm going to be able to recover
from: yoongichi
then die
from: gguk-ah
hyungggggg
from: yoonguchi
what, jeongguk-ah?
from: gguk-ah
can i come over later?
i wanna talk to you about something
from: yoongichi
yeah, sure, i'm free until 9 because then i have work
we're at hob-ah's apartment
from: gguk-ah
ahhh actually hyung
i wanted to talk to you
like
just you?
from: yoongichi
oh?
ohhhh
okay sure
you can text me when you are downstairs
and we can go to my apartment
is this like a secret reunion?
should i tell hoseok i have something else to do?
from: gguk-ah
omg hyung what are you saying kshfhd
it's no secret, i just wanna talk to you about something
i think you'd understand better
there's no secret omg😭😭
from: yoongichi
oh nice because i can't keep secrets from hoseok
from: gguk-ah
yeah, i think we all know
you are gossips
from: yoongichi
we are SOULMATES gguk-ah
SOULMATES
from: gguk-ah
mmm whatever you say, hyung
are you buying dinner?
from: yoongichi
do i have any other option?
from: gguk-ah
noppp
kkkk
—
"so, what's this about, hm?" yoongi asks while doing the dishes. jeongguk was sitting in the living room leaning his chest on the back of the couch so he could look at yoongi from there, pretty bunny face of his facing him. he looked oddly nervous and way too doe-eyed, which wasn't particularly weird because even if jeongguk enjoyed teasing him via kakaotalk, he was way less cooky in person.
they already had dinner because jeongguk insisted on eating before talking, and even if curiosity was killing yoongi, jeongguk was just too cute for his own good, he could ask him to hide a body and yoongi would probably say yes just because he loved him a lot. so he fed jeongguk lamb skewers and watched in horror how jeongguk destroyed all of his food and half of yoongi's. "i'm a growing boy, hyung!" he said then, smiling with his big teeth showing and cute nose scrunching up, a whole baby.
"uhh, yeah, the thing," jeongguk murmurs, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip, "the thing, yeah"
"hey, kid, are you okay?" yoongi asks, leaving the dishes and drying his hands quickly, hurrying to sit next to the younger on the couch and holding his hand in an attempt to calm him down.
jeongguk forces an awkward laugh and nodded, "yeah, i'm okay, i just uhmm wanted to tell you something? about me?" he said, wriggling anxiously on his seat, "okay, give me a minute, i need to think about what i'm going to say"
"take all the time you need, gguk," yoongi reassures him, now genuinely worried about whatever jeongguk wanted to confess.
after a couple of seconds, jeongguk straightens up, looks at yoongi dead in the eye and told him, "i'm asexual, hyung." and just like that, all his bravery evaporated, the words were out now, he said it, everything was okay, there was no going back now. "remember when we met? you were always really open about being part of the lgbt community and you used to wear those tiny flag pins, remember? when you said you were aromatic and asexual i had no idea what that meant, but then you explained it, and… it just made a lot of sense? and i had a boyfriend at the moment, you remember hyunsoo? yeah, him, and we were in a romantic and sexual relationship but i, uhm, how should i say this, i never really felt that good during sex? is that too much information?" he asks, looking at yoongi with lost eyes, not wanting to overstep any of the older boundaries, because even if he knew yoongi didn't have problem with talking about sex and gossiping about dirty details about their friend's sex life, maybe yoongi didn't want to hear the details about jeongguk being uncomfortable in his sexual relationships.
"no, no, it's okay, you can tell hyung anything, don't worry," yoongi quickly reassures him, not ever letting his hand go.
jeongguk nods shortly before continuing, breaking eye contact to look at his intertwined hands, "sex never really felt that amazing and at first, in my first relationships i thought maybe i'm just having bad sex? maybe me and my partners are just too young and inexperienced? but then i started growing up and i noticed i just never felt that much uhm, pleasure? so then i thought, well maybe this is it, maybe this is what sex is supposed to feel. you know all that "porn is fake" thing, never believe anything you see in porn and all that stuff, i just thought maybe i had too high expectations to sex and it's just not that incredible, i mean, it's not like i hated it, i was able to enjoy it sometimes, but mostly i just felt really indifferent and out of it. and then i met you, and you are openly aroace, and then i broke up with hyunsoo and i had this short thing going on with one of my classmates and then when i was single i just came to the realization i don't really like sex. i don't mind doing it for my partner? because i like making people feel good, but i'm never as into it as they are, and i'm never doing it because i'm horny and i want sex but because i want to make them feel good. so i looked up on the internet, i read a lot, i spoke a lot with people online and i came to the conclusion that yeah, i'm asexual, and now i finally have a word to describe my feelings and it's not just that sex is bad, it's that i don't really feel the sexual attraction part. i wanted you to know first because you were the person who made me realize asexuality was a thing, so i wanted you to be the first person to know; i identify as an asexual homoromantic guy. and i wanted to tell you because i love you and your opinion means a lot to me, so i hope you can support me, hyung." jeongguk finishes, giving yoongi's hand a little squeeze before letting go.
yoongi blinks blankly a couple of times, mouth slightly open at the overload of information still trying to figure out some words because of how fast jeongguk spoke and how thick his satoori turned in the middle of his speech. "oh my god, jeongguk-ah, of course hyung would support you!" he exclaims then, jumping over jeongguk, knocking them both to the ground with the force of the impact, "my precious little bunny i'm so proud of you, i love you so much, thank you for telling me this, thank you, jeonggukie, hyung appreciates it a lot," he says holding the younger close to him, burying his face into his black messy hair.
"are you proud of me, hyung, really?" gguk asks, big black eyes full of happy tears as he looked at yoongi like he hung the fucking moon and the stars and every single planet.
"i'm so, so proud of you, ggukie, i promise, hyung is so proud of you."
that only confirmation was enough to make jeongguk cry for the next half an hour, being held every single minute by yoongi's protective and loving hug, letting him smear tears and snot all over his hoodie, without even thinking about getting away from his him. he let jeongguk cry all he needed and held him through it as he wished someone had held him when he came out, and if he cried a little too, jeongguk didn't need to know.
"i also have other news," jeongguk announces when they both calmed down enough to sit down again, giggling like silly teenagers after doing mischief trying and failing to look normal and keep the secret just between them. "i have a boyfriend. we've been dating officially for two weeks now."
"you have a what?! oh my god, tell me everything about it, i want to know everything."
in the end, yoongi called work sick and spent the rest of his evening gossiping about jeongguk's handsome boyfriend.
("his name is seokjin and he's older than you!"
"older than me?! jesus christ"
"yes! and he's an actor, can you believe it? i scored myself an actor boyfriend!")
turns out, seokjin was the handsome crying man from the drama yoongi recently got really invested in, and the next 20 minutes were just them arguing about which one of the romantic interests was better for the main character (yoongi said it was seokjin's character, minsu, but jeongguk argued it was yunho, the bad boy, because "hyung, why do you want my boyfriend to kiss that girl?!" they agreed to disagree but made a deal to start watching the new episodes together)
"and he knows you are ace?" yoongi asks, after their heated argument about the drama's plot ended in a 100,000 won bet. "because if he doesn't and turns out being mean to you i'm going to end that man's career, jeongguk-ah, hyung won't hesitate" he quickly adds then, just in case he fucked up with his question.
jeongguk's face turned a pretty pink color and as he avoided yoongi's eyes, lifting his shoulders and hiding his face on them, looking so young and happy. "yeah, he knows, he's demi, we met in an aspec blog." he says, shyly playing with his sweeter paws.
"oh gukkie, i'm so happy for you."
—
from: gguk-ah
i have !!
an important
announcement
to make
on this fine tuesday
from: hob-ah
is saturday
from: gguk-ah
hyung
from: hob-ah
what
from: gguk-ah
shut up 💓
from: hob-ah
YAH
from: gguk-ah
anyways
EVERYONE
I NEED Y'ALL HERE
NOW
IS IMPORTANT
HELLOOOOOOO
from: taehyungie
hi gguk!
from: gguk-ah
hi hyung!
from: jimin-ah
what's happening
from: gguk-ah
important announcement!!
from: yoongichi
i'm here
from: joonie
me2
from: gguk-ah
okay amazing!!
wait a second
have to add someone
gguk-ah added a new number
from: taehyungie
oh? who's this?👁️
from: jimin-ah
hi !!
from: new member
hi guys
i'm seokjin
from: joonie
heyy
from: hob-ah
hii
from: gguk-ah
okay now, big announcement
please namjoon hyung
do the honors
from: joonie
right right
good afternoon everyone
we are gathered here today
6 of march of 2021
because of our youngest member
jeon jungkook ssi
who has a big announcement to make
so please listen attentively
jeongguk-ah
please step on the podium
from: gguk-ah
thanks, hyung
guys
my important announcement is that
i'm asexual
haha
from: taehyungie
OH MY GOD GUKKIE I'M SO PROUD OF YOU
💖💗💓💖💕💖💞💖💝💓💖💞💖💞
from: jimin-ah
CONGRATULATIONS JEONGGUKIE!!💘
from: hob-ah
so proud of you gguk!!
thank you for telling us!
from: joonie
yeah, thank you for trusting us, koo
we are proud of you!!
from: hob-ah
we'd always support you!💓
from: seokjin hyung
congrats kook💓
from: gguk-ah
thank you guys):
it means a lot to me
from: taehyungie
no need to thank us!
from: joonie
we are happy to be your friends!
from: hob-ah
we should celebrate !!
from: jimin-ah
celebrate? 👀
from: taehyungie
you guys just want to go for drinks
from: hob-ah
EXCUSE ME
for being a healthy normal young adult
from: gguk-ah
hey 😾
i wasn't done yet😾
from: hob-ah
aw that looks like yoongi hyung
from: joonie
where's yoongi hyung
from: taehyungie
yeah, we haven't heard his congratulations yet
from: yoongichi
first of all
i'm here
second of all
i'm with jeonggukie right now
i gave him my congratulations in person
because i'm more special than you
hah
and third
fuck you hoseok
from: jimin-ah
yah it's not fair !!
from: taehyungie
YEAH I WANNA HUG GUKKIE TOO 😾
from: yoongichi
i mean if it's okay with gguk?
from: gguk-ah
i don't think i can stop them even if i wanted
from: joonie
i'm getting out of the studio
from: taehyungie
WOAH
you made it jeongguk
you forced joon hyung to go out of the studio
from: joonie
shut up
from: gguk-ah
its my charm
from: jimin-ah
okay so we are all coming?
from: hob-ah
i guess?!
from: gguk-ah
WAIT I HAVEN'T FINISHED, REMEMBER?
from: joonie
okay tell us then?
from: jimin-ah
we are waiting
from: gguk-ah
you are so mean):
anyways, i guess you don't want to know
that i have a boyfriend
hmn
from: hob-ah
A BOYFRIEND???
from: jimin-ah
WHAT???
from: taehyungie
WHAT WERE YOU WAITING FOR TO TELL US
from: jimin-ah
WHO IS THIS MAN
from: seokjin hyung
hi
i'm the man
:)
—
"i can't believe jeongguk told you about his boyfriend and not me," hoseok whines while getting into the bed, "you guys were having amazing bonding time in the apartment right next to me and didn't invite me." he frowns, crossing his arms with a mad pout.
yoongi was kinda tipsy and hoseok completely wasted. the tiny friendly congratulation reunion quickly turned into a party and soon after, they were all buying as much soju and beer as his broke asses could pay for from the nearest convenience store, but then seokjin arrived and he brought expensive wine and champagne and they all cheered and got wasted enough for seokjin to start spilling spoilers about his drama that turns out they were all watching. seokjin was a nice guy, he had ridiculously broad shoulders, an awesome face and a funny laugh, he joked and laughed with them all as if they were lifelong friends and looked at jeongguk with something yoongi can only describe as lovesick eyes, smiling at literally everything the younger did. at approximately 4 am, when most of them were too wasted to keep playing board games, they went to sleep, seokjin and jeongguk on yoongi's bed, namjoon on hoseok's sofa and taehyung and jimin on yoongi's couch because even if it was slightly smaller, those too liked to hug people in their sleep, so they didn't need a lot of space like namjoon, who slept in starfish position, hoarding all the space for himself (yoongi had to share the bed with him a handful of times after parties and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever)
"don't pout, you look too cute," yoongi laughs, getting in bed with him, forcefully untangling hoseok's arms to get between them.
"you are the cute one," hoseok argues, still adamant to the cuddles. he was a grumpy drunk, one moment he was dancing around, singing at the top of his lungs and the next he was completely wasted, barely speaking, looking sleepy and annoyed, mouth pouty and eyes droopy, like the :< emoji. "cute and mean, you are going to be the death of me."
soon after, hoseok was already falling asleep, arms loosely around yoongi's center, murmuring intelligible things in his sleep.
"hey, hob-ah?" yoongi asks, after a few moments, eyes locked on the ceiling, and body warm, slowly sinking into the darkness hoping not to feel too hungover the next morning.
"hmm?" hoseok answers, almost completely asleep by now.
"i love you," he says.
"love you too," hoseok babbles back, sleepy sleepy sleepy, mind funny and dreamy.
"i wanna spend the rest of my life with you, hoseok," yoongi confesses, feeling an overwhelming warmth take over his body, starting in the center of his chest to the end of every limb. full of love love love love.
"let's do that, want that too" hoseok replies back, voice almost a whisper, probably not even aware of what he was answering. yoongi knew he wasn't going to remember this conversation the next morning.
"hmm yeah" yoongi agrees, finally closing his eyes, ready to sleep with hoseok.
hoseok his neighbor, hoseok his friend, hoseok the funny bisexual dance student who knew everyone at uni, hoseok who called his mom every week without exception, hoseok who facetimed his sister just to see his dog, hoseok who was so passionate he always archived everything he wanted, hoseok who had a ridiculous amount of funny socks he never used but kept buying, hoseok who always share everything with everyone because he likes making people happy, hoseok who always introduces himself to new people on his major because he doesn't want them to feel lonely.
hoseok his best friend, the only person capable of making yoongi feel like he was going to explode because of so much love.
hoseok his soulmate, who always knew what he was thinking, always felt so close to his heart it was ridiculous to think they weren't made for each other.
hoseok his partner, who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
"let's do that, let's be happy together."