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“Crowley,” Aziraphale asked the demon sitting across from him in the Bently driving way too fast.
“Yeah, Angel?”
“What did you mean when you said get in the car?”
Crowley looked at him with an exasperated expression while ignoring the angel’s requests to watch the road. “The Bently knows what to do.” He did glance at the road to his credit. “When exactly do you mean. As in this morning so we could go on a picnic. Last night to take you home. Monday to take you for lunch-”
“Oh stop that. My dear, you know when I mean.”
Crowley sighed. “Angel, I really can’t read your mind. I was kindin’ the other day when I said that. I say get in the car a lot ‘cause it's what I need to remind you to do a lot.”
“I don’t forget to get in the car!” Aziraphale huffed.
“That is a lie and you know it. Or don’t you remember last week when you walked a block to the bus stop with me following you in the Bently so you could take the bus to Soho?”
“Really dear. That was one time, how was I supposed to know you were going to take me?”
“‘Cause I said, Angel, you probably ought to head home so you can open the books-not-for-sale-shop.” Crowley had started paying attention to the road again so that at least was reason enough for the angel to relax enough to remember what he was trying to ask.
“What I mean is when we thought the world was going to end and you came to apologize. You said, get in the car. You wanted to go to Alpha Centauri, but you needed me in the car. Exactly how did you plan on getting there?” Aziraphale was very intently watching the blush creep across the demon's neck. “You weren’t going to drive there where you?”
“So what if I was?” Now the demon was too focused on the road, and purposefully not looking at him.
“You know cars can’t go to space... Right?”
The demon was still not looking at him. “Other cars aren’t, the Bently. She’ll go wherever I ask her to.”
“Cars aren’t air-tight.” This wasn’t actually what should have been his first arguing point he knew, but it was the one Aziraphale thought of first.
Crowley rolled his eyes, “It's not like we actually need to breathe, Angel. We’d go fine without.”
“The Bentley isn’t made to withstand the pressure of leaving the atmosphere.”
“She survived the M25’s hellfire.” He retorted back.
“How were you going to get off the planet's surface, let alone out of the atmosphere?” Aziraphale was trying not to laugh now, but it was hard as the demon got more and more flustered.
“I can do it,” Crowley promised, looking at him in the eyes, without sunglasses, and Aziraphale heard it as what it was. The demon saying that if he wanted, they could fly off together, right now, for no other reason than they wanted to.
“We’d be in close quarters.” Aziraphale was starting to blush now thinking about it.
“Yeah, but it'd be easier than if we’d have done it back then.” The demon looked back to the road at least halfway. “We wouldn’t have been able to do any mericalls once we left the planet to make sure no one noticed us. Not at least till we were very, very far away. Too much risk of getting caught. We’d had to have been fine with Queen and each other for entertainment and whatever food and alcohol we brought. And your books, ‘course, though I don’t think too many would fit.”
Aziraphale got tightness in his chest. “You really thought about all that.”
Crowley rolled his eyes. “Of course I did. What’d you think?”
“At the bandstand,” They both flinched at that word, “I thought that it was just one last attempt to either get me to tell you anything else I knew or us just mericaling ourselves there. I didn’t think about the logistics of it much either time, I was too…” He made a vague gesture and licked his lips, his mouth suddenly too dry.
“Overwhelmed? Stressed? Sad? Afraid? Take your pick really.”
“Hmm.” Crowley was back to not looking at him, rather he was looking at his hands on the wheel and occasionally glancing at the road. “Sad?” He finally asked.
“Well. I said really horrid things to you that I didn’t mean. I was sad that I thought I had to say them. Sad you had to hear them, even if we both knew I was lying. Sad that I didn’t think we really would be able to do it. Sad because I was afraid that if we tried you’d end up getting killed…”
He licked his lips again and looked down to his hands in his lap where he was writing his wrist nervously. “Sad that I thought you were going to leave and I wouldn’t see you again. Sad because the last time one of us stormed off we didn’t see each other for a century. Sad because if I was still alive by that point Earth wouldn’t exist anymore and the only way you’d be able to reach me would be if the war was still going on. Sad that I knew it was probably best since if I saw you again we would be fighting in the war and we might hurt each other.”
He started to cry but kept going, trying not to let his voice waver. “Sad that I might spend eternity in Heaven without you. Sad that I might have to live in eternity, not only without you around but also without the knowledge that at least you still exist… Sad that the last time we saw each other would be us fighting. Sad that your last words to me would be ‘I won’t even think about you.’ Sad that we would end six thousand years of friendship without even really saying goodbye.”
The Bently suddenly pulled off the road, in a maneuver that shouldn’t have worked but did because it was the Bently and she knew how to drive even if the demon had no clue which petal did what or that he needed to change her oil at any point at all during his car ownership.
Aziraphale looked over to see that Crowley was turned away from him so the angel couldn’t see his face. “Crowley?” He mentally scolded himself, (in Gabriel’s voice, but that was an issue that would be dealt with over decades of hard work to scrub the trauma of the other angels' abuse from his mind) that he was too soft for how much his voice wavered.
“I’m fine Angel.” Crowley didn’t sound fine at all.
“Crowley, I’m sorry please look at me.” Aziraphale’s voice cracked. “I didn’t mean to open this all up right now and-” Now he was outright sobbing.
“Angel.” Crowley turned back to him and Aziraphale saw that he was crying too.
The demon grabbed the angel and pulled him into a hug, and they both sat there shocked at the hug. Truth be told Crowley hadn’t meant to hug Aziraphale but they were both so upset it seemed the best option, and in fact, it was. They wrapped their arms around each other and wept like they hadn’t done for a long time. In fact, the last time Crowley cried like this was after seeing the Spanish Inquisition up close and the last time Aziraphale cried this hard was after trying to help plague victims in Germany. They hadn’t been for each other then, but they were now and it meant everything to them.
“Sorry Angel. ‘M so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? I'm the one who brought it up.” Aziraphale buried his face in the demon's neck like he had wanted to for thousands of years but never been close enough (both literally and figuratively) for.
Crowley ran his hand up into the angel's hair and found it just as soft as he’d always thought. “I didn’t realize you were thinking about all that then. I just thought you were convinced you could do the right thing and that I was being stupid.”
“Crowley. You are many things but stupid isn’t one of them. Shortsighted, sometimes but never stupid.” Aziraphale had stopped crying and had turned pink for reasons not related to tears as the realization that he had practically crawled into the demon’s lap and was breathing against his neck was hitting him.
“Ngk.” Crowley’s ability to form words had taken a temporary leave of absence as he’d realized that he’d pulled the angel into his lap, was combing through his hair with one hand and had let the other sink much farther down the angel's back than he should have let it.
They both felt they should move, but were waiting for the other to push them away. However, as anyone who was not the lovable idiots sitting in the Bently could tell you, neither actually wanted to let go of the other. Aziraphale had his hands on Crowley’s back and the way they were situated if he were to move them it would seem like he was pushing Crowley away. Crowley was also stuck as having one hand on the angel's head and the other on his lower back he couldn’t separate without pushing the angel away and he really didn’t want to draw attention to the hand on the angel’s lower back in case the angel thought that it was too much. But then, it was the angel who was breathing against his neck.
So, as they both wanted to stay, they did. They each figured they could blame it on having been tired from the crying. That seemed a reasonable excuse, but by this point, it would have been an easy one to see through even for them and that was considering that one of Crowley’s best excuses had been, ‘ the cake’s really pretty and I just want to look at it as long as possible before it's gone.’ (This had been directed at Newt, who after having dinner with both his girlfriend and two supernatural entities, had quietly asked later that evening why exactly Crowly hadn’t eaten and instead stared at Aziraphale eat and slipped his food onto the angel’s plate. The observant reader will notice that Crowley’s excuse didn’t actually explain most of the situation but that was neither here nor there)
“Angel.” Crowley swallowed. “Just so you know, I was never actually going to leave without you. Even if I said otherwise I was really just hoping to wait around until you changed your mind. I dunno what I would have done if you hadn’t but I wouldn’t have left without you. I’d never leave you behind, Angel, not then and not ever. I-” He sighed. They’d been through so much together it was time someone said something about their relationship. “I dunno what we really are, but we’re us. And being us means that you fuss and I bother and together we balance each other out. We’ve been together six thousand years and I sure as Hea- He- Somewhere aren’t going to leave you behind. Even if I have to slow down for you.” The last sentence was so quiet that if Aziraphale hadn’t been right against him the angel wouldn’t have heard.
Aziraphale carefully pulled back enough so he could look Crowley in the eyes. It felt nice for both of them to have their emotions on display. “Do you know why I said you went too fast for me?”
Crowley noted the past tense in the statement and filled it away under things-to-think-about-later and shook his head. “I guess, I’m just pushy sometimes. Always asking for more of your time and…” He trailed off, slowly retracting his arms and looking to the side.
“No. That’s not why.”
Crowley turned back intrigued. “Why then?” His mind presented terrible ideas of things along the ridiculous line of because I don’t have feelings for you.
Aziraphale swallowed and licked his lips a little. “I said it because I had just handed you the key to your demise. I knew you hated Hell, you like causing trouble and serving as karma, but not everything else Hell wanted. I was afraid you were asking me because you’d already made up your mind. You’d been willing to rob a church after all, and so I was worried that by this point if you were still wanting the water, it was because you’d decided to use it. And-” His voice broke again as he struggled to maintain eye contact. “I was concerned that you wanted to go, have one last night out with me before you ended yourself. And I was hoping that by not letting you have that, you’d be willing to hold off, if just for a while longer, so we could say goodbye.”
Crowley felt himself shudder and looked down to where the angel was basically on his lap. “You’re scary right about that. I never planned on using it like that, I really wanted it for self-defense. The thing is, if I had been wanting to kill myself, I would have asked that. I would have gone anywhere, done anything, and spent as much time with you as I could until we said goodbye and then.” He didn’t need to elaborate on that then. “Not gonna lie, it really hurt when you said that. But hearing how you took it and knowing me. It must have been horrible, just getting out of the car and having no idea if you’d ever see me again.”
It occurred to both of them that they were being very open with their feelings even if they didn’t come right out and say it. But it also occurred to them that the other hadn’t acted surprised at the other’s feelings. Suddenly their eyes snapped back together and they knew that their feelings were returned in equal measure.
“I love you, Angel.” And even with tears still on his face, the demon smiled.
“I love you, too, Crowley.” And the angel’s smile was just as wide and with as many tears.
Crowley slowly brought his lips to Aziraphale’s and they had their first real kiss. They had kissed as a greeting before when it was as impartial a gesture as a handshake in the right setting. It had always been that way, every kiss whether on the hand, cheek, or lips was friendly and professional. It had never been used any more than any of the other casual ways they had touched. Everyone was a treasured memory for both but all were even less romantic than an accidental bump on the shoulder because they were simply expected for friends. Now though they kissed not as friends, but as lovers.
The kiss was soft, sweet, and tasted like tears. It wasn’t passionate or wild, it instead felt like they were meant for this. Like their lips slotted together in a way they never had before. Like they were an old couple who had already when through the passion of their youth and were content with such sweet kisses. It was a very long kiss, as neither needed to breathe and though it still remained soft they pulled each other closer. Finally, they broke apart, neither was out of breath as neither needed to breathe but both took in shaky breaths and put their foreheads together.
“Crowley, have you ever thought of retirement?”
Crowley laughed, “No, Angel. Why?”
“Well, I think after this we could use a nice break from everything. A retirement of sorts.” He looked into the golden eyes he loved so much. “We could go off together, get a little cottage together and just be for a while.”
“When do you want to go?” Crowley smiled so widely he was clearly using more of his sneak nature than a normal human corporation had.
“Well, I’m sure you need a little time to get your plants in order. And I’d like to put a few of my most valuable books in storage and lock up the shop really well since I’d rather not part with it entirely and I’m sure a cottage wouldn’t hold most of my books anyway. Other than that, we’ll need to pack some things, but it’ll all be easier than if we were human since we can use miracles. I think it should only take about a week or two once we get started with the preparations.”
“Lovely calculations, Angel. Now answer the question.” Crowley kissed his nose and Aziraphale was very glad he didn’t need his heart as it had decided it was all too much and quit working out of the excitement.
“Well, I’m not sure. Maybe we can start tomorrow, but I believe we still have a picnic we were on our way to and I think I’d like to have that first.”
“Anywhere you wanna go.” And this time, no one would say it was too fast.