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There were days, long, hard, painful days, where just being awake was too much.
The world was too big and too loud, with people pushing in on him every which way.
Jack was tired before he ever got started.
Sell the papers, sell the papers, he ordered himself in an unending cycle. He'd bought less than usual today, earning curious looks from the boys, already wondering why Cowboy was being quiet.
Les wanted to sell with him, because of course he did. They were partners. David too, of course, but Jack was still going to insist he only needed Les, and David was just There. Funnier that way, and Jack liked things funny.
He chewed at the knot in his bandana and thumbed through the newspaper looking for a good story to spin.
His brain was knocked sideways by Les tugging at his arm.
"Jack, are we gonna go?"
Reflexively, Jack shoved away at the little boy, sending him tumbling into David.
Too much.
"Hey!" David snapped, wrapping an arm protectively around his brother.
"What's with you today?"
Jack winced, not even in guilt or sympathy, just at the grating of David's scolding in his ears.
Too much. Today was just too much. He squinted at the sun glaring into his eyes and pulled his hat up to try and ease some of the pain.
Too much, but the hat helped. It always did. He ran his tongue along his teeth as a distraction.
Jack was suddenly aware that David was waiting for a response, and poor Les looked hurt at Jack's actions. Dammit, Kelly , Jack cursed in at himself.
"Sorry, Les," he forced out. "Ya just surprised me is all."
Les was immediately placated and ready to sell, though David looked to have more questions. Thankfully, he kept them to himself, and off the boys went, carrying the banner.
After a long, crowded, busy day, the last thing Jack wanted was to go back to the lodging house to be surrounded by possibly every single boy in New York between the ages of six and twenty six, but he had no other option.
Better than the Refuge, he reminded himself, nodding to Mr. Kloppman on his way upstairs. Normally he'd have a snappy greeting to toss the old man's way, but not tonight. Tonight, Jack wanted to get his shirt off and go to sleep.
The damned thing was strangling him slowly, Jack was sure of it.
"Hey, Jack," Racetrack crowed from where he sat sprawled across the floor.
"Want me to deal ya in?"
Poker, probably. Jack shook his head and brought his bandana up to his teeth again. He wasn't in the mood for one of Racetrack's games.
"Jack, look!" Tumbler shoved something into his hands. The thing jerked around like it was alive, and Jack nearly dropped it.
"The hell is it?" He tossed the thing back to Tumbler, who burst into giggles.
"Springs!"
"Springs," Jack mumbled, no original thoughts to share on the subject. Where had Tumbler even gotten so many springs, and how had he tangled them so cleverly?
Jack shuddered and tried to rub the terrible feeling off his hands.
"Hey, Cowboy!" Blink hollered from across the room, and Jack jumped six feet into the air, give or take some.
Blink said something, but Jack didn't hear it. Something was running up his spine on the inside, something bad and cold and terrible. Something alive and escaping, clawing its way out of his spine via his brain.
Too much.
Jack had to breathe. He had to get out.
Now.
The window.
Jack was down on the street in half a minute, the rest of the newsies confused shouting after him ignored.
He didn't hesitate until he reached his destination, not planned, but he wasn't surprised to find himself outside the Jacobs' building either.
Sarah was always happy to see him, she said. Still, that probably didn't include showing up in the middle of the night.
Well, Mr. Kloppman would have already locked up by now, so there was no going back. Jack scrambled up the fire escape and crouched outside Sarah's window.
She was probably getting ready for bed, if not already asleep.
He should just stay out here. It was nice enough weather. Jack shuddered at the breeze moving his hair.
Too much.
He knocked lightly on the window and waited. Sarah's face peered out almost immediately, brightening in the moonlight when she saw him.
"Jack!" She called softly, that beautiful soft smile taking up all of Jack's focus. Well, all of his focus that wasn't taken up by the fact that there was a stray thread on his shirt tickling his neck.
"Come inside?"
Sarah gestured for Jack to come in, which probably looked very much like a burglary, but Jack did not feel much like caring today. He wanted to be with Sarah, and she was inside, so in he climbed.
"I'm glad you learned to knock," Sarah teased, gently knocking against Jack's chest and reaching for his hand. Jack shuddered at the touch, and immediately she fell away.
"What's wrong?"
Unlike David and Les, Sarah did not look offended that Jack pulled away. She just looked worried, which was almost worse. Jack knew what to do when people were angry with him; he'd run. He was fast and smart, and he knew the city. What was a guy supposed to do with worry?
"I…" he trailed off, not finding the words.
"Long day?" Sarah reached for his hand again, slower this time, and she waited for him to reach back before touching.
Jack played with her fingers absently, trying to ignore the way his shirt bunched up and rubbed his shoulders.
Of course, Sarah noticed his discomfort anyway, because she noticed everything.
"Jack, you can take it off. You're sleeping here, right?"
Jack looked at the space between Sarah's eyes, his hands already unbuttoning his shirt without his brain's permission.
"Your folks won't mind?"
Sarah waved him off. "They'll be fine. You need an undershirt?"
Jack was already wearing his own, and he didn't want to borrow one that would feel funny, so he shook his head.
Sarah took his shirt and set it aside, and Jack hung his bandana on the bedpost. He wasn't going to be seen chewing it in front of Sarah.
"I'll work on those frays tomorrow, and you can borrow one of David's."
Jack nodded, too tired to protest and not particularly interested in doing so anyway. Sarah wouldn't take his money for her mending, so he'd have to pay her in flowers again, and she'd laugh that beautiful laugh, and everything would be wonderful.
Jack felt his head start to nod, and he twitched to stay awake. Sarah brushed his hair out of his face and kissed his cheek. That was a surprise, but not an unpleasant one.
"Tired? Let's get some sleep, hmm?"
Jack curled into Sarah's arms without protest, her clean softness a welcome change from what seemed like everything else in the world today.
Normally, if Jack stayed over, he claimed the spot on the rug by the fireplace so as to not disturb anyone. Esther and Mayer probably didn't want him curled up in Sarah's bed like a cat, but they'd never explicitly said he couldn't.
He'd leave early in the morning, and pretend like Esther didn't absolutely know he'd been there. Surprisingly, Mrs. Jacobs trusted Jack not to be a cad around her daughter.
He'd never be sketchy to his Sarah. Not when she knew exactly how to wrap her arms around his shoulders and hold tight, keeping all the little pieces of Jack in place for the night.