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It's been a rough few days. Buck came down with a cold and has spent most of the time confined to the bed in the guestroom at Eddie's, where the man in question had insisted he stay. The furthest he's made it is to walk around the room or to the bathroom. One time he'd almost made it to the kitchen to grab a water before Eddie spotted him and ushered him off to bed and got the water for him.
It would be sweet that Eddie cares so much. But Buck has been bored out of his mind on top of feeling like shit. There's only so much Netflix he can watch. And it's kind of isolating listening to Eddie and Christopher laugh in the other room while he's confined to bed.
He can't blame them, of course. He'd rather them be safely away than sick themselves, but he still misses them. Or well, Christopher mostly. Because he still sees Eddie when he comes to check in. And he does it often. Constantly checking his temperature and making sure he has plenty of water, and he's eating enough, and that he's comfortable.
If Buck were a lesser man, he could use this to his advantage. He has a feeling Eddie would get him anything he asked for. But he's not going to do that.
Plus, he's just too tired to get any joy out of it. Buck sighs and reaches for the bottle of cold medicine on the bedside table. He's sure it's time for it. The last time he took it was around breakfast. Maybe. Either way, his throat is aching, so that's enough for him. He sits up enough to pour some in the little cup and downs it in one go. He makes a face at the taste of cherry on his tongue and recaps the bottle.
Yeah, he'll be a lot happier when he doesn't have to take that shit anymore.
He lays back against the pillows and closes his eyes. Maybe he'll just take another nap to pass the time. It's not like there's anything else to do.
The next time Buck opens his eyes, it's to see Eddie standing above him. The sun is starting to set outside, casting a faint glow over Eddie. He looks gorgeous in this light, or any light, really.
"How are you feeling today?" Eddie asks him. He places the back of his hand on Buck's forehead and nods. "You don't feel as warm, so I think your fever has broken. I'll still get the thermometer to check."
"I'm feeling better," Buck says. He smiles up at Eddie, who seems to sway slightly. Maybe he'd taken too much of the cold medicine. Or maybe not. Maybe Eddie's just coming closer. He likes when Eddie is close. "Eddie."
"Yeah?" Eddie questions. The hand he had on Buck's forehead moves down to his cheek, and Buck sighs and turns his face further into it. "Buck?"
"I like when you're here," Buck says. Because he does. Eddie being here makes him happy. Eddie makes him happy. Does Eddie know that? He should know that. "You're sunshine."
Eddie's eyebrows shoot up, "Is that so?"
Buck nods, "Yeah. You're like, the sun coming out on a bad day. You make everything better. Make me better."
Eddie smiles and glances towards the bedside table before looking back at Buck. "How much medicine did you take today?"
Buck shrugs, "Dunno. Enough."
"Clearly," Eddie laughs. "I think you're a little loopy."
Buck grins, "Loopy for you."
He grabs Eddie by the arm and tugs, causing this to stumble and half fall on the bed. He looks down at Buck with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing?"
"I've missed being close to you," Buck says. "I don't like when you're not around."
Eddie smiles, and yeah, he really is like sunshine when he smiles. Buck tells him as much, and Eddie casts his eyes down, his smile turning shy, almost uncertain.
"You," Buck sighs and pats his cheek. "You light up my life, Eddie."
"Buck, you really shouldn't be saying these things," Eddie says.
Buck frowns, "Why not? I mean them, and you need to know. You have to know how important you are. You're the most important. You're my universe."
"Buck." Eddie goes to pull back, and Buck pouts, reaching out for him. Eddie shakes his head. "I should go."
Buck whines, panicked, "No! No, you can't leave me. Everyone always leaves. Always. But you… I want you to be the one to stay!"
Eddie puts a hand on Buck's shoulder and meets his gaze, "I'm not leaving you, okay? I'll just be in the other room. But then I'll be back. I just… you're sick, and I'm pretty sure you're high on cold medicine and don't know what you're saying. I don't want to take advantage of that. I won't."
"I mean all of it," Buck says. Why can't Eddie understand? He needs him to understand. "I do. Eddie…"
"Then tell me when you're better," Eddie cuts in.
Buck frowns, "You don't want to hear it."
"Hey, Buck, I want to hear whatever you have to say," Eddie says. "When I know it's what you want to say when you're 100 percent, okay?"
Buck nods, "Okay."
Eddie smiles and squeezes his shoulder, "Okay. Now Christopher helped me make some soup. You feeling up to eating?"
Buck's stomach chooses that moment to give a well-timed rumble, and Eddie chuckles. "I guess so."
Buck smiles sheepishly, "Yeah, I could eat."
"That's already an improvement," Eddie says. His hand drops from Buck's shoulder, and Buck tries not to mourn the loss of contact as Eddie gets to his feet. "I'll be back with the soup."
"And the thermometer first," Buck says. Because he's going to prove to Eddie he's on the mend.
Eddie points a finger at him, "Yes, the thermometer. Soup and temp check, got it."
"Hey, Eddie," Buck calls after him.
Eddie pokes his head back around the door, "Yeah?"
There are so many things Buck wants to say.
I meant everything I said.
You're important.
I wish you would stay.
I love you.
But instead, what comes out of his mouth is, "Water?"
"Yeah, of course," Eddie smiles. He watches Buck for another long few seconds, and then he's disappearing.
Buck sighs and closes his eyes. He's not too out of it to not know what he's saying. And he'll show Eddie that. When he's better.
When Buck wakes, it's to darkness. It's the first time he's woken in days and not felt exhausted or congested. It's like his body is finally remembering how to work properly again.
The only problem is, his mouth feels dry and gross. He looks to the bedside table only to find an empty glass. He checks his phone to see it's almost 2 a.m.
No way is Eddie still up, which means he's in the clear to slip into the kitchen and get his own water. He's quiet as he pads down the hall to the kitchen and then as he grabs the pitcher of water from the fridge and pours a glass. He downs the whole thing quickly and then pours another.
Or helps a little, but his mouth still feels gross. He really needs to brush his teeth. He bites his lip and looks at the bathroom. It's right next to Eddie's room and would be a risk.
But well worth it if it helps him start to feel more like a human again.
And it does. Except once he's in the bathroom, he starts looking at the shower and can't help but think of how good it would be to feel some cool water on his skin and wash the grime of sickness away.
So that's what he does. He doesn't let himself overthink it. He's a grown man. He's entitled to a shower.
He quickly sheds his clothes and turns the water on to the right temperature, and steps inside. It's a welcome relief when the water hits his skin. He stands there for a few long moments, just let it wash over him. Then he reaches for the shampoo, Eddie's shampoo, and pours some onto his hand before working it into his hair.
He tries not to think of how he will smell like Eddie, especially after using his body wash. Even if it is a nice smell. A very nice smell.
That thought leads to other thoughts that he should not be having about his best friend in the shower.
It's not until he's stepping out of the shower that he realizes he forgot to grab clean clothes. He looks down at his pile of dirty clothes in the hamper by the door and wrinkles his nose. No way is he putting those back on. He'll just have to get dressed in his room.
It's a good plan. It's not as if anyone else is awake anyway. He steps out into the hall and turns the light off behind him.
"Did you enjoy yourself?"
Buck jumps and barely fights back a scream at the sound of Eddie's voice. He's leaning against the door to his bedroom, watching him.
Buck swallows and nods, "I'm a grown man, and I'm allowed to shower."
That hadn't been what Buck had meant to say, but it's the truth. Eddie's lips quirk up into a smile. "Of course you are."
"Sorry, it's just, you've accosted me every other time I've left the room and…"
"Because I've been worried," Eddie says. "I don't like seeing you unwell."
"I'm feeling better now," Buck says.
Eddie's eyes rake over him, and he clears his throat, averting his gaze. "I'm glad."
"Eddie?"
"Get dressed, Buck," Eddie says. "Get some more rest, and we can talk in the…"
Buck shakes his head, "I'm rested. I'm clear-headed. We can talk now." Unless… maybe there's a reason Eddie is hesitating. "Unless you don't want to."
"I do," Eddie says. He looks pointedly down at where Buck's hand is still gripping the towel at his waist. "But maybe you should have a little more on."
Buck can't bring himself to be embarrassed. If he were still Buck 1.0, he would smirk and tell Eddie that maybe he should help him take the rest off. But he's not that guy, and this is Eddie. This is too important.
Buck nods and grips the towel tighter. "I'll be right back."
"I'll be waiting," Eddie tells him.
The implications of what exactly that means hit Buck as he's getting dressed. They're actually going to talk about this thing between them. Buck always assumed he'd be scared if and when the time ever came. But he's not. It's well past time for this discussion.
As he walks down the hall, he feels ready. Up until he steps into Eddie's room, where he's sitting on the side of his bed, waiting. Buck's stomach is full of nervous butterflies as he slowly approaches the bed.
He sits down next to Eddie and turns to face him. Now that he's here, he's not sure what he's supposed to say. How can he possibly put into words all the things he feels for Eddie?
"Hi," he whispers.
"Hi." Eddie smiles, and some of the tension Buck's been feeling eases. His smile really is like sunshine in the darkness.
Buck reaches out and brushes his fingers across Eddie's cheek right where it dimples. "I love when you smile."
"Are you sure you're not still loopy on couch medicine?" Eddie asks. His tone is teasing, but Buck can see the hesitation there.
Buck can't have that. He doesn't want Eddie to doubt any part of this.
"I'm good," Buck says. "I'm clear-headed and know exactly what I'm saying. And I remember what I told you before."
"Oh?"
Buck's hands frame Eddie's face, "Yes, and every word was true. You make my life better just by being in it. Both you and Christopher, you're my world."
"I believe you said universe," Eddie says.
Buck chuckles, "Yeah, that says it better."
"Big words," Eddie says.
"I mean them," Buck says. His thumbs caress Eddie's cheeks, and he smiles. "I love you."
The words are out there now. There's no taking them back. Not that he'd ever want to.
Especially not with the way Eddie's smile grows before he leans in and kisses him. It's not much of a kiss at first, both of them smiling too wide.
"I love you," Eddie murmurs against his lips.
And what choice does Buck have but to pull him in for a proper kiss? One that makes him feel like he can finally breathe again after years of holding his breath, waiting, wondering. He doesn't have to wonder anymore. Neither of them does.