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The house is filled with sounds of laughter and happy chatter from the group gathered in the living room of the Diaz residence. Despite the plan for a backyard barbeque being unexpectedly rained out, everyone is in high spirits. Bobby had quickly gotten to work improvising on the food and saved the day with the help of Athena.
Now everyone is sitting back and relaxing and enjoying their time together.
Buck always loves moments like this. When he’s surrounded by his friends and family. Today they have a new member with them as baby Lydia rests snuggly in Christopher’s arms. Buck watches as Eddie leans over the back of the couch and smiles down at her.
“Ever think about having another one of your own?” Athena asks him.
Eddie looks over at her, the smile not leaving his face. “I don’t know. I have everything I need right here, and I’m pretty happy with that.”
His gaze returns to Christopher, who smiles up at him. “We’re a team.”
“That we are,” Eddie says.
“Well, teams can be pretty big,” Hen says and shoots a wink at Eddie.
Eddie huffs out a laugh, “True.”
“I could see you with a baby,” Maddie says. “You’re great with Lydia. And Christopher would be a wonderful big brother.”
Buck knows that everything they’re saying is true. It’s something he’s found himself thinking. Not a lot, but often enough. When he lets his mind wander and imagine a future with Eddie. One where they raise Christopher and have a kid of their own and grow old together. It’s a nice thought but not realistic. Because while he might be around to see Christopher grow up and Eddie get older, it won’t be the way he wants it to. He long ago accepted that. He’s fine with it. As long as he gets to be in their lives, he’ll be happy. But nights like tonight, all those feelings come rushing to the surface, and he wants. He wants so damn bad.
Buck makes a hasty retreat to the kitchen, only stopping to grab the last of the dishes off the dining room table. At least with this, he’ll have somewhat of an excuse for fleeing the room. If anyone even noticed.
He puts the dishes in the sink and turns the water on. He knows he could just use the dishwasher, and he usually would, but he needs something to do with his hands.
The kitchen door opens, but Buck doesn’t turn, afraid that if he does, he’ll see Eddie there. And he can’t look at him right now. Not when he’s afraid his emotions are written all over his face.
“Buck?” But of course, it’s not Eddie but Maddie that’s come to find him. “What on earth are you doing?”
“The dishes,” Buck says.
“I can see that,” Maddie says and moves to stand next to him. She leans against the counter and frowns. “But why?”
“So that Eddie doesn’t have to worry about it when the party is over,” Buck shrugs.
Maddie purses her lips, “Are you sure that’s all?”
“What else could there be?”
“I don’t know,” Maddie says. “Maybe that you’re hiding.”
Buck glances at her before turning back to the dishes. “I’m not hiding. I have no reason to hide.”
“Right, so that’s why you ran out of the room and decided to do the dishes,” Maddie says.
“I told you…”
“That you’re helping Eddie,” Maddie says. “And as much as I’m sure he’d appreciate that, I’m sure he’d rather have you out there with everyone else instead.”
She makes a good point. But Buck still isn’t ready to go. Nonetheless, he turns off the water and dries his hands before turning to face Maddie. “I just needed a minute.”
“Is something wrong?” Maddie asks, concern taking over her face as she reaches out and touches his arm. “Did something happen?”
Buck shakes his head, “No. Nothing happened. I just…”
“What is it?”
“I want that,” Buck says. “I want… I want to have a family, Mads.”
“Oh, Buck, you will,” Maddie insists. “One day, you’ll find someone and…”
“But I already have!” Buck says. “I just… I can never have him.”
“So this is about Eddie,” Maddie says.
“No.”
“Evan.”
Buck sighs. “Fine, yes. Okay. It is. I saw him with Christopher and Lydia, and everyone was talking about him having another kid, and I just… I love him so damn much. I want that with him. And I shouldn’t.”
“Buck…”
A plate clatters to the floor, and Buck turns, eyes wide. Eddie’s standing there, his hands raised in front of him, either not knowing or not caring that the plate he was holding is no longer in his hands. His eyes are enormous and trained right on Buck. And there’s only one explanation for his reaction. He’d heard exactly what Buck had said.
“Oh god,” Buck whispers.
“I’ll umm, I’ll leave you two to talk,” Maddie says.
She stops and squeezes Eddie’s arm on the way by and then disappears out the kitchen door, leaving Buck and Eddie alone.
“Eddie…”
Eddie seems to snap out of his daze. He bends down and picks up the plate, and then crosses the room towards Buck. He’s silent the whole time, and it does nothing to settle Buck’s nerves. Finally, after what feels like hours, but in reality has probably only been two minutes, Eddie stops and turns to face him. He crosses his arms and stares at Buck, his face unreadable. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Wh—?"
"You know what? Don't answer that," Eddie says. He shakes his head and laughs. It sounds wrong. There's a bitterness to it that Buck hates. "It's clear I'm just not enough."
He starts to turn away, and Buck jumps into action, reaching out to stop him. He half expects Eddie to pull away when he touches his arm, but he doesn't. He stays where he is with his head turned away from Buck, waiting.
"That's not true," Buck says. "You've always been more than enough."
"Then why not say anything?"
"You meant too much to me," Buck says softly. He knows Eddie hears him from the way his face pinches. "I didn't want to lose you."
"Buck…"
"I'd rather love you from a distance than not have you in my life at all," Buck shrugs.
Eddie looks at him, his gaze searching Buck's face. "You won't lose me," Eddie tells him. "Especially not over this."
“I won’t?” Buck asks. Even after all this time, Buck still has his doubts. There’s a part of his mind that tells him people are always going to leave him. That’s what they do. So why should Eddie be any different?
Except he is. Eddie has been different from the beginning. He knows Buck better than anyone, maybe even Maddie, about some things, and he’s still here.
“No,” Eddie says. “You won’t. Not over this. Not ever.”
“But…”
"I love you, too, Buck," Eddie cuts in.
Buck's head is swimming. Of all the outcomes he’d agonized over, Eddie returning his feelings had been low on the list of possibilities. But here he is, smiling that soft smile that Buck is so fond of. His eyes are shining, and now that Buck has heard him say the words, he knows exactly what to call the feeling he sees there. Love.
Which means…
Buck swats his arm, and Eddie's eyes widen. "What was that for?"
"Why didn't you say anything?" Buck asks him.
Eddie rubs the back of his neck, his lips twitching up into a smile. "I guess the same reasons as you. I didn't want to ruin our friendship or risk losing you if you didn't feel the same way."
"We're both idiots," Buck says.
"Clearly."
"I can think of one way to make it up to each other," Buck says and steps into Eddie's space.
Eddie tracks his movements, his hands reaching for Buck as soon as he's close enough. One lands on his hip and tugs him closer, while the other goes to his jaw. His fingers brush across his skin, and Buck forgets how to breathe for a few long seconds, let alone think.
Eddie chuckles and rests his head against Buck's. "You still with me?"
"Mmhmm."
"What's your idea?"
Buck frowns. "My idea?"
"For how we can make it up to each other," Eddie clarifies.
Buck blinks his eyes open and meets Eddie’s amused gaze. "Oh, that."
"Yes, that," Eddie says. "I'm pretty sure I know, but I want to hear it from you."
Buck smiles and uses a hand on the back of Eddie's neck to pull him in. "I want to kiss you. If you're okay with that."
"So okay," Eddie says. "More than okay."
With those few words, Buck finally lets himself give in to the desire to something he’s been dreaming of for years. He kisses Eddie. It’s soft at first, just a chaste brush of lips before he pulls back. His eyes search Eddie’s face, and Eddie’s do the same. He’s not sure who moves first, maybe they both do, but the next minute they’re kissing again. The passion and hunger of the kiss have Buck’s head swimming. He clings to Eddie, trying to get closer.
“Hmm, I’d say that definitely makes up for it,” Eddie murmurs against his lips when they finally have to pull back for air.
Buck grins and rests his head against Eddie’s. “It’s a good start.”
“A good start?” Eddie laughs. “Did it not meet your expectations?”
“Oh, it more than met them,” Buck says. “But it never hurts to be thorough.”
“Of course,” Eddie says. His thumb strokes Buck’s jaw as he kisses him again, slow, lingering.
Buck sighs, practically melting into Eddie’s arms.
“We should probably get back out there,” Eddie says.
Buck pouts. “Do we have to?”
“If we don’t, it won’t be long before someone comes looking for us,” Eddie says.
“Maddie will hold them off,” Buck says.
Eddie bites his lip, and Buck can tell he’s thinking it over. “How about this? We go out there and enjoy the night with our friends, and then when it’s all over, you can stay, and we can see just how thorough we can be.”
“Christopher…”
“Is spending the night with Hen and Karen,” Eddie says.
“Well then, Mr. Diaz, I guess I’m all yours for tonight,” Buck says.
“Just tonight?” Eddie asks.
“And every night for the rest of our lives,” Buck says. “If you want.”
“I can’t think of anything I want more,” Eddie says. “Because I meant it, you know? When I said I had everything I needed. I wasn’t just talking about Christopher. I meant you, too.”
Buck feels his eyes starting to tear up, and he laughs, lifting a hand to wipe away the tears. “You’re both everything I need, too.”
Eddie smiles and pecks his lips, “Well then, let’s go see our boy, shall we?”
Buck nods but still feels the loss when Eddie steps back. Eddie must notices because he grins and holds out his hand. Buck doesn’t hesitate before taking it and letting Eddie lead him out of the room and down the hall to the living room.
“Well, there you two are,” Athena says. “We were starting to worry about you.”
“Sorry,” Eddie says. “Buck just needed help with the dishes.”
Bobby’s eyes drift down to their joined hands, and he raises an eyebrow, “Dishes, huh? Is that what they’re calling it now?”
Eddie sits down and tugs Buck’s hand until he sits beside him, right between him and Christopher. “They do dishes together because they’re a team,” Christopher says.
“That’s right,” Eddie says.
“And it’s good to be thorough,” Buck says and winks at Eddie.
Eddie coughs and ducks his head. Buck feels a sense of pride and the slight pink tint to his cheeks.
“Why do I feel like I’m missing something?” Chimney asks.
“Probably better if we don’t know,” Hen says. “At least not with little ears present.”
The look she shoots Buck and Eddie says that this won’t be the end of the conversation. Which is fine. It’ll give them time to talk before they have to decide what to tell everyone. For now, he’s just happy to be here surrounded by all the people he loves. He meets Maddie’s gaze, and she smiles a knowing smile and gives him a thumbs up. He grins back and mouths a silent “thank you” in return.
He turns his head when he feels Eddie’s arm settle over his shoulders. Eddie raises an eyebrow, a silent question of whether it’s okay. Buck smiles and snuggles further into his side. Eddie presses a kiss to the top of his head, and Buck can feel as well as hear him when he asks, “Happy?”
The answer comes easy for him. He can’t remember the last time he felt this happy. This loved. “Yeah, I am.”