Archive of Our Own

‘They were too late.’

It was the only thought in Eddie's head when he first caught sight of an unmoving figure in turnout gear slumped over on the floor of the burning warehouse. Eddie felt like he’d been doused with a bucket of ice water, the heat from the fire roaring around them no match for the chill he felt at seeing Buck lying motionless. 

In the army, Eddie learned how to put his emotions to the side to get the job done. Learned how to block out all his panic and pain so he could keep a level head in a bad situation. It took every bit of will he had to keep himself from rushing forward and dragging Buck out of the building right there and then, but he pushed his fear to the side. Buck was in trouble and Eddie didn’t have time to panic.

Eddie couldn’t tell you how they got Buck and the last victim out of the warehouse. He worked on autopilot, barely conscious of his actions, knowing that if thought too closely about the fact that this was Buck he was trying to save, he would lose it.

Buck was unresponsive as they got him on a gurney, and Eddie tried not to panic at the sight of blood streaming down the side of Buck’s face from a gash on his forehead. Eddie worked with Hen to check Buck over; it wasn’t his job, and Hen kept shooting him curious looks, but he had to do it. He had to make sure Buck was ok with his own two hands, he didn’t trust anyone else.

Buck didn’t react when they took off his turnout coat or when they placed an oxygen mask on his face. Eddie slid a stethoscope under Buck’s shirt, and the way Buck’s lungs rattled every time he took a breath wasn’t comforting.

“BP is elevated, oxygen levels are low, and he’s still unresponsive,” Hen announced. “Cap we gotta get him to the hospital.” Eddie hadn’t even noticed Bobby approach, but he was hovering a few feet away from them.

Bobby nodded, face grim. “Ok, you two stay with Buck, Scott will drive. Chim and Lorenzo have the other victim, we’ll all meet at the hospital.” 

They moved quickly, loading the gurney into the ambulance and slamming the doors behind them. Buck let out a weak groan when the ambulance started moving, but other than that he didn’t react.

“That’s a lot of blood,” Eddie muttered as he began to clean the wound on Buck’s head.

“Head wounds bleed a lot, he’ll be fine,” Hen replied tersely, but Eddie could tell she was worried.

A few minutes into the ride, Buck’s eyes shot open and he gasped, attempting to sit up only to be held back by the straps on the gurney.

“Hey-” any relief Eddie felt at seeing Buck awake quickly faded as Buck started to struggle, his eyes unfocused and darting around the inside of the ambulance. “Buck, Buck it’s ok, you’re safe,” Eddie said, but no amount of placating words could get him to calm down. He was muttering something under his breath that Eddie couldn’t make out.

“It’s alright Buckaroo, we got you,” Hen tried, but Buck still wasn’t listening. Eddie reared back to avoid getting hit as Buck flailed, and he saw Hen do the same.

“Buck-” before Eddie could do anything Buck reached up and yanked his oxygen mask off.

“Saleh- I need to- I gotta get him out, I told him I’d get him out-” Bucks voice was barely a whisper but the panic in it was clear.

“Buck it’s ok, we got him out,” Eddie said, but Buck just shook his head.

“No- no I have to get him- I promised I’d keep him safe-” he broke off, breaths coming in shorter and shorter gasps as he continued to struggle.

“Buck,” Eddie tried, but he couldn’t get Buck to focus on him; there was panic in his wide blue eyes. “ Buck ,” Eddie grabbed one of Buck's flailing hands and held it tight, pulling it against his chest. With his other hand he grabbed the side of Bucks face, turning it so he was forced to look at Eddie. Buck tried to pull away for a moment when there was a flash of recognition in his eyes.

“Eddie,” Buck whined, the sound like a knife to Eddie’s heart. “Eddie I- I have to get Saleh- I told him I’d get him out-”

“You did,” Eddie said calmly, pushing aside his own panic to focus on Buck. Buck shook his head and tried to pull away but Eddie didn’t let him. “Hey, you saved Saleh. You got him out, he’s going to be ok.” The words finally seemed to register and Buck froze.

“He- he’s ok?” Buck rasped, his eyes searching Eddie desperately, and Eddie found himself holding Buck’s hand tighter.

“Yeah, he is. You saved him.” A sob tore it’s way out of Buck's chest and Eddie had to force himself to take a few deep breaths so he could keep himself together. “It’s ok, you’re both safe, you saved him, you’re ok,” Eddie kept murmuring comforting words, and Hen took advantage of the fact that Buck was no longer struggling to slide the oxygen mask back over his face. Eddie moved back to give her room to work,  but he didn’t let go of Buck’s hand. He didn’t want to, but even if he did he wasn’t sure he’d be able to, given how tightly Buck was gripping his hand, clutching onto it like a lifeline in a raging sea. Buck’s eyes fluttered shut again as Hen took over cleaning the gash on his forehead, and Eddie felt another wave of panic.

“Buck you gotta stay awake, stay with me,” Eddie pleaded. Buck didn’t respond, but he didn’t loosen his hold on Eddie’s hand. Eddie adjusted his grip so he could press his fingers to Buck’s pulse point, using the too-fast beat of Buck’s heart as a reminder that he was alive. 

The ambulance came to a stop and the doors were thrown open. They wheeled Buck out, Hen rattling off information to the nurses waiting that Eddie was too numb to process.

“Sir, we need to take him.” Eddie blinked and realized that Hen had stepped back, the nurses all looking at him expectantly.

“Oh, right.” Buck’s eyes fluttered open as Eddie pried his hand from Buck’s grasp. Buck reached out for Eddie, wordless sounds of panic pouring out of him, and Eddie felt like a monster for stepping away. They vanished through the sliding doors of the hospital, leaving Eddie feeling torn in two.

Eddie wasn’t moving. He wasn’t sure he could, honestly. Ever since they wheeled Buck away an hour ago Eddie hadn’t been able to move from his seat. All he could do was sit and stare at the double doors in front of him, waiting for someone to appear with news. Bobby and Athena were carrying on a low conversation off to the side, heads bowed together. Chimney was leaning forward in his seat, bouncing his leg anxiously and running his hands through his hair so many times that it was sticking up in all directions. Hen was sitting next to Chim, one hand resting on his shoulder while her gaze stayed fixed on the clock on the wall.

Eddie knew, in the grand scheme of things, that the injuries Buck sustained weren’t that bad. He hit his head and inhaled some smoke, he likely had a concussion and should take it easy for the next few days. But a traitorous part of his mind whispered about brain bleeds and asthma attacks and acute respiratory distress caused by inhaling too much smoke; they didn’t know how long Buck had been in that warehouse without his mask, or what kind of chemicals he inhaled. No matter how many times Eddie told himself Buck would be fine, he couldn’t get that nagging worry to go away. He just kept replaying how out of it Buck was after they pulled him from the fire and throughout the whole ambulance ride.

He knew that they hadn’t been waiting that long. A little over an hour since they arrived, and it would likely be at least another hour and a half before anyone showed up with news or results from the multitude of scans and tests they were running on Buck. Still, every moment Eddie sat there with no news his anxiety grew; he was having a harder and harder time keeping a lock on his emotions.

The front door slid open, and Eddie looked up to see Maddie appear, panic clear in her eyes.

“Maddie,” Chimney jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her.

“How is he?” Maddie asked, a desperation in her voice that Eddie shared. He couldn’t help but think of all the other times Buck had been in the hospital, and how Maddie had been the only one holding the secret of Daniel. Maybe it would be easier now that everyone knew and understood.

“He hit his head pretty hard, they took him back to check him out and do some scans, but nothing’s come back yet,” Chimney explained. He reached for Maddie's hand but she pulled back, shaking her head.

“He also inhaled some smoke,” Hen offered cautiously.

“He what ?”

“Buck was rescuing the last worker when they got trapped by the fire. He gave Saleh his mask while waiting for rescue,” Bobby explained. Maddie shook her head. 

“Of course he did,” she muttered. 

Chimney shot an uncertain glance at Bobby. “Maddie, he’ll be-”

“Don’t,” Maddie snapped. “He was alone in the middle of a burning building without a mask for who knows how long. Why wasn’t anyone with him?” She rounded on Bobby, “why did you send him in?”

“He said he was fine to work-”

“Of course he did! That’s what he always says,” Maddie broke off as a sob rose in her chest, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

“Maddie-” Chimney started, but she turned on her heel and stormed off down one of the adjacent halls. Chimney started after her but Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder and held him back with a small shake of his head. Chimney watched Maddie go for another moment before he let out a heavy sigh and collapsed back into his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands.

Eddie stayed still for the whole exchange, watching the conversation with a detached interest. He wanted to get up, say something to Maddie, tell her he knew what she was feeling, but he couldn’t make himself move. He had locked his anxiety off to the side, but in doing so also locked away control of himself. Eddie knew if he broke the spell, if he got up, he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions anymore. But he had to do something.

There was a snap, like a rubber band that had been stretched too far, and suddenly Eddie was back in his body. The anxiety rose in him all at once, a tsunami coming in that threatened to crash over everything else until he couldn’t stay afloat. He jerkily got to his feet, the movement letting the tide ease a bit. None of the others looked twice at him as he followed Maddie down the hall.

She hadn’t gone far, leaning on the wall just around the corner from the waiting room. She looked up as he approached and hastily wiped tears from her face.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said, her voice thick.

“We’re all worried about him,” Eddie offered. Maddie nodded.

“I know, I just-” she broke off, glancing in the direction of the waiting room, a pinched expression on her face. Eddie recognized that look, it was the same one Buck got when he started blaming himself for things out of his control.

“It’s not your fault,” Eddie offered quietly.

Maddie shook her head. “If I hadn’t told Buck about Daniel-”

“He would’ve done the exact same thing,” Eddie cut her off. “He would’ve gone back for Saleh regardless. That’s just who he is.” Maddie shot him a look and Eddie shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

“I know. I just wish he was more careful. It’s like he doesn’t understand that he has people who care about him,” Maddie's voice was getting dangerously close to breaking and she took a second to breathe.

“He knows,” Eddie said softly. “But he also knows that everyone we go to save has people who care about them as well.” Maddie nodded, and the two of them fell silent once more. Eddie glanced back in the direction of the waiting room, at the physical evidence of how many people cared about Buck, when a thought struck him.

“Are your- I mean, do your parents know Buck is here?” As soon as Eddie said the words he wished he could take them back because Maddie’s face crumpled. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean-”

“I told them,” Maddie said shortly. “Our dad wanted to come, but our mom…”

“Doesn’t like hospitals.” Eddie finished for her.

“It’s been almost thirty years ,” Maddie scoffed. “I just thought that she’d be able to-” she cut herself off and shook her head. “ We’re still here,” her words were quiet and broken, and Eddie felt anger build up inside him again. 

Eddie couldn’t fathom not being with Chris if he was in the hospital. He’d done that a few times when Chris was younger, and every second away was filled with anxiety and guilt over leaving his kid behind. Even when he had no idea how to be a father, he knew that he should be there, and when he wasn’t it was a failure on his part. Since then Eddie had been damn sure to always be there for his son, especially when he was in a hospital. The fact that Margaret deliberately chose not to be there didn’t sit right with him.

“We should probably go back,” Maddie nodded her head towards the waiting room, and Eddie followed her back down the hall, still wrapped in his own thoughts. Everyone’s heads snapped up when they got back to the waiting room and Chimney sprang to his feet.

“Maddie.” Chimney started to take a step forward but hesitated. He watched Maddie intently, the worry clear on his face. Maddie gave him a small smile, and Eddie watched as Chimney visibly relaxed, the two of them moving to sit together in the corner.

Eddie started back towards his seat when a hand landed on his shoulder, and Eddie looked over to see Bobby and Athena both watching him. Athena gave him a small nod and he managed a tight smile in return before continuing onto his seat. Eddie sat down in the seat and rubbed his hands over his face, exhausted. There was movement, and he glanced up to see Hen had taken a seat near him.

“Any news?” Eddie asked though he knew the answer. Hen shook her head.

“Nothing yet.” Hen shot a look towards the doors as if she could will a doctor to walk through them.

“He’ll be fine,” Eddie said with more conviction than he felt.

“Of course he will, he’s Buck,” Hen agreed, but her light tone was forced, and Eddie could tell her smile was strained.

Whatever calm stillness Eddie felt before had disappeared, his entire body felt like it was brimming with nervous energy. His chair squeaked as he bounced his leg restlessly, too loud in the otherwise quiet waiting room. There was no one else there, and though he could hear Chimney and Maddie talking in hushed tones he couldn’t focus enough to pick out their words. After a while they all fell silent, and the only sound came from the ticking clocks.

It was over an hour later when the doors opened again, and Eddie nearly jumped to his feet before realizing it was just an older couple. He was about to relax back in his seat when he heard Maddie's voice.

“Mom? Dad?” Maddie rose from her chair, staring at the two people in front of her like they were ghosts.

So those were the infamous Buckley parents. Eddie couldn’t help but size them up as they walked in. The man - Phillip - stood tall and stiff, like he had a stick up his ass, but Eddie wasn’t sure if that was how he normally moved or if it was a product of circumstance. The woman - Margaret - clutched tightly to Phillips arm, her eyes fixed on the ground. Eddie felt a frown settle onto his face as he watched them. Those were the people that made Buck feel worthless, and a hot curl of anger rose up in his chest.

“Maddie,” Phillip greeted her with a nod and stopped a few feet away, holding himself at a distance.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Maddie said after a beat passed, she still looked unsure and confused about the whole thing, her eyes darting between the two of them.

“We agreed it was for the best that we come,” Phillip said evenly. Margaret let out a sharp huff, and Eddie got the impression she had been dragged along. Something hardened in Maddies expression and she stood up straighter.

“How is he?” Margaret finally spoke, her voice was barely a whisper but Eddie could still hear the tremor in it. A part of him sympathized - it was hard to see someone you loved in a hospital bed, especially if it was your kid - but a larger part of him simmered with anger on Bucks behalf. Buck had been in the hospital at least half a dozen times since Eddie had known him, and not once did either of them seem to care then.

“He’s getting a few scans but they’re just a precaution, he should be fine,” Chimney supplied when it became clear Maddie wasn’t going to say anything. Margaret jumped, like she hadn’t realized anyone else was in the room, and she finally lifted her gaze to look at Chimney. She glanced briefly around the waiting room, her eyes traveling over all of them, and Eddie got the immediate sense that he was being judged. Bobby was the first to step forward.

“Hi, I’m Bobby Nash, captain of the 118,” Bobby said, offering his hand.

“Ah, yes. Evan talks a lot about you,” Phillip responded after a moment, reaching forward to shake hands. Bobby nodded once in response, unable to say the same.

“Athena Grant, it’s a pleasure to see you.” Athena stepped forward as well, her smile all teeth and an edge to her voice.

“How do you know Evan?” Margaret asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I’m a police sergeant, so I end up on scene with the 118 a lot. Bobby is also my husband.” Margaret pursed her lips, she looked like she wanted to say something but eventually decided against it.

“You must be Hen and Eddie,” Phillip said, looking towards where they were sitting. Eddie followed Hens lead as she stood up, but when she moved forward to shake hands Eddie stayed back, clasping his hands behind him.

“Yes, it’s nice to meet you at last,” Hen smiled brightly and gave Eddie a sidelong glance when all he could muster was a small nod.

“Hen. Is that short for something?” Margaret asked stiffly. Hen’s smile faltered for a moment before she pasted it back on.

“Well my full name is Henrietta, but the only person who calls me that is my mother, and even then only when I’m in trouble.” Hens' joke broke the tense atmosphere, and everyone returned to their seats. Phillip and Margaret sat near Maddie and Chimney, turning their backs to the rest of the group.

As they sat down again Hen shot Eddie a look, eyebrow raised in a clear ‘why are you being like that’ expression. Eddie didn’t bother to answer, instead choosing to cross his arms and glare at the ground. Hen huffed out a quiet laugh and kicked at him before leaning back in her own chair. Eddie resumed staring at the doors, still filled with a jittery energy.

“-always do this?” Margarets voice carried in the otherwise empty waiting room.

“Yes Mom,” came Maddie’s short reply.

“We all want to make sure Bu- Evan is ok,” Chimney added.

“It’s a bit excessive, isn’t it?” Phillip asked mildly.

“Excessive?” Maddie's voice was ice.

“He gets injured rather often, do you all have to come every time? You said yourself he’d be fine.” From his position Eddie couldn't see Maddies face but he knew exactly what anger was burning in her eyes because he felt the same.

“We don’t have to, but we choose to,” Chimney replied after a moment.

“It’s what you do for family,” Maddie's voice was low, but not quiet enough that Eddie couldn’t hear. He exchanged a glance with Hen and saw the same incredulous anger in her expression. The conversation died after that, leaving them all sitting silently. 

Not even twenty minutes passed when a nurse appeared in the hall, clipboard in hand.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” Eddie shot to his feet like he was electrocuted, instantly on alert. The action was mirrored by everyone around him, but Margaret took a definitive step forward.

“I’m his mother,” she said haughtily, as if she had any claim to the title. The nurse - who Eddie recognized from a few of Buck’s other hospital trips - shot a confused glance towards Bobby and Athena. Bobby gave a small nod and the nurse turned to Margaret. Eddie felt anger rise up in him again. Margaret had never been there for Buck before, she had no right to claim that importance in his life. 

“Okay, well Evan will be fine. He inhaled quite a bit of smoke but there doesn’t appear to be any lasting damage. He has a concussion, and required a few stitches on his head, but it’s nothing too serious. We want to keep him here for a few more hours under observation as a precaution, but you’re welcome to visit him a few at a time.” Eddie sagged in relief at the nurses words. Buck was ok. Eddie knew that he would be, but hearing it made him feel a hundred times better. He couldn’t fully believe it yet, his mind still stuck on how disoriented Buck had been during the ambulance ride. He knew he wouldn't feel better until he’d actually seen Buck, but he would have to wait. 

As soon as the nurse stopped talking Maddie set off at a determined pace down the hall, Chimney watched her go with a pained expression. Phillip took a step forward to follow, but Margaret stayed rooted to the spot, her face white as a sheet. Eddie didn’t feel any sympathy towards her, even as Phillip had to coax her down the hall.

“At least we know he’s ok,” Bobby voiced Eddie's thoughts, sitting back down in one of the chairs. Eddie nodded curtly and took his seat again, gaze fixed on the retreating backs of the Buckleys.

Buck was done with hospitals.

He was tired, his head hurt, his chest hurt, and he just wanted to get out. He hated hospitals, having been bedridden in them far too many times for his liking. There was an extra layer of pain now as well, because despite the number of times he’d ended up in the same place, he always got to leave. He hated thinking of his brother dying in a hospital bed, wearing the same kind of scratchy gown on the same lumpy mattress pad. He understood, in a way, his mothers reluctance to step foot in hospitals. He couldn’t imagine how difficult it was to see your child lying in a hospital bed and being unable to help them.

Buck had seen his sister in that position though, along with almost every other member of the 118. And in every one of those instances Buck had to be dragged away from them. Because no matter how uncomfortable he was in hospitals, he knew it was a hundred times worse to be in one alone.

Buck shifted in his bed again, unable to get comfortable. His head was pounding, and even though the nurse had dimmed the lights for him it was still too bright in the room. The nurse left a few minutes ago saying she would tell his family he was ok, leaving him with instructions to relax. He couldn’t help but wonder who was waiting for him. If anyone was waiting for him.

Chimney would’ve called Maddie, but she was pregnant and Buck didn’t know if she would want to make the trip to the hospital in the middle of the night. Besides, he’d been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few days, she had no reason to want to visit him after what he said to her.

Bobby was likely waiting. As Captain it was his job to make sure his firefighters were safe. He probably wanted to make sure Buck didn’t try to do something else reckless like sneak out before he was discharged - not that the idea hadn’t occurred to him, but he wasn’t that dumb.

Eddie and Hen were definitely gone, and Buck didn’t blame them for wanting to get home to their families. Their shift had ended a few hours ago, and the two of them always rushed home after long shifts to see their kids.

A part of Buck ached for that. Ached to have someone to go home to. Sure, he lived with Albert, but Albert was his future brother-in-law, not exactly the same thing. No, Buck wanted to have someone at home, someone who was waiting for him to get home… yeah right, as if Buck would ever be lucky enough to find that. People always left him, that was just how life worked.

There was movement by the door, and Buck blearily looked up to see Maddie hovering in the doorway.

“Maddie?” His voice was still rough from the smoke, but he couldn’t believe his eyes. “You came,” his words were barely more than a whisper, and she hesitantly walked into his room and gave him a small smile.

“Of course I did,” she replied softly, tentatively reaching out to take his hand. When he didn’t pull away she smiled wider and gave his hand a squeeze. “I always will.” Buck glanced down at their clasped hands and his vision blurred as he felt tears threatening to spill out.

“Look Maddie I-”

“Buck I’m sorry-”

They both started speaking at the same time, but were both cut off by a cough at the door. Buck looked over and it took him several seconds to recognize the figures outlined in the doorway as his parents.

“Mom?” Buck hated how small his voice sounded, like he was still some kid and not a fully grown adult. “Dad?” They were the last people Buck had been expecting. Seeing his mom in a hospital for him was something he never thought would happen. He almost wanted to pinch himself to make sure they were real and not some creation of his concussed brain.

His mom looked so out of place in the hospital room, she stayed half a step behind his father even as they approached the bed together, arms linked. She kept her eyes fixed on the ground the whole time, not looking up at him.

“Evan,” his dad greeted him with a small nod, as if this was a totally normal occurrence, as if the last time they’d seen each other hadn’t been during a huge argument.

“What- what are you doing here?” They couldn’t be there for him , this had to be some sort of trick.

“We heard our son was in the hospital, we had to come,” he said simply. The words were like a slap in the face. After all his trips to the hospital, this was the first one they’d ever come to or even asked about.

“Oh,” it was the only thing Buck could say. He couldn’t help but notice that his mom still hadn’t looked up at him, and though it hurt at least now he finally understood why she always looked through him.

“Mom,” Maddie cut in, her voice low and dangerous.

“We didn’t want you to be alone,” his mom said before Maddie could continue, “but it turns out we didn’t need to worry.” The words were stiff, and Buck glanced at Maddie briefly.

“What?” He asked.

“The rest of your, ah, crew, are out there.” His dad waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the hall.

“They came?” Buck looked at Maddie. “All of them?” Maddie gave him a smile that was too sad to be encouraging.

“Yeah Buck, all of them.” She said the words like it was obvious, but he found himself taken aback by the news. He honestly hadn’t expected anyone to stay.

“They stayed,” he murmured to himself.

“They all seem nice,” his dad said, valiantly trying to break the tension in the room. 

“Um, what about- did anyone say- do you know-” he almost didn’t want to ask the question, didn’t want to know if his efforts had been in vain.

“Saleh is fine. Broke his leg but he’ll make a full recovery,” Maddie answered the question he couldn’t get out.

“Good.” Buck let out a heavy sigh of relief and relaxed in the bed.

“It’s impressive, what you did.” Buck's gaze snapped up to his mom when she spoke. She still wasn’t looking at him, her eyes fixed determinedly on a painting on the wall. “Saving that man.”

“Yeah. It’s my job,” he replied quietly. There was a long moment of silence. “I- I wish I could’ve done more.”

“You’ve done more than we ever could’ve hoped,” his dad cut in, a pained expression on his face. “You were born to save one person, and now you save people every day. We’re so proud of what you’ve become.”

The words were like a dagger, piercing in past Bucks armor and pushing all the way to his heart. He’d waited his entire life to hear his parents say they were proud of him, but now that he finally got it, it didn’t mean anything. If anything, the words gutted him and left him feeling emptier than before. There was a long moment of silence, and Buck knew he should say something, but the only thought running through his mind was that he wished his mom would just look at him for once.

“Evan,” Buck couldn’t help but wince at the use of his first name, and he didn’t think his father noticed but Maddie definitely did.

“Actually he prefers Buck,” Maddie said firmly, giving his hand a squeeze. Buck nodded and fixed his gaze on his lap, worrying his lip as he waited for the inevitable ‘what were you thinking’ lecture. It had to be coming, his parents could never just compliment him, they always had to find something he did wrong.

“Ah, right,” his dad cleared his throat, “well Buck, we’re glad you’re ok. We were worried about you when we heard you were in the hospital.” He didn’t say ‘again’, but they were all thinking it. His dad nudged his mom, encouraging her to say something, but she just pursed her lips and frowned, eyes still fixed on the wall and not on him.

“Mom?” Buck hated it, hated how much he needed his mom to see him, to acknowledge that he was her son and he was right in front of him. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to meet Bucks. Her eyes widened when she did, a hand going up to cover her mouth; she still wasn’t looking at him, and he could see her eyes welling up with tears.

“Mom, I-” Buck didn’t even get the chance to finish the sentence before she turned and fled the room, soft sobs echoing after her. Buck slumped back in his bed as he watched her go, fighting back his own tears. He’d known, deep down, that she would never be able to see him, that all she’d ever see when she looked at him was what she lost, but it stung to be confronted with all the same.

“I’m sorry Evan,” his dad said after a few seconds passed, then followed his mom out of the room. Buck watched them go, and knew it was a losing battle as he tried to hold back his tears. He put his face in his hands, pressing his palms to his eyes like he could somehow push the tears back in. A familiar hand landed on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Buck,” Maddie said gently. “You don’t deserve that. I- I could talk to them? If you want? Maybe-”

“No,” Buck’s voice was thick, and he cleared it and blew out a harsh breath. “They don’t- they don’t matter.” He lifted his face from his hands, trying to wipe away the tears while he sorted through the jumble of words in his head. “They- you- I’m sorry.”

“Buck, no I-” Maddie tried to interrupt but he continued over her.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, you didn’t deserve that. You’ve always been there for me.” He glanced at her briefly. “That’s why it stung, you know? Mom and Dad- I never thought I could count on them, but I’ve always trusted you. Always will trust you.”

“I wanted to tell you Buck, I did,” Maddie whispered, her voice close to breaking.

“I know, and I don’t blame you. They had no right to ask you to keep that secret. You- you lost a brother too.” They were both crying now, but as she held tightly to his hand she looked at him, and that was all that mattered. “Would you tell me about him?” Buck asked before he could think better of it. “Maybe after I get out of here,” he waved his free hand at the hospital room, “but I’d like to know what he was like.”

Maddie nodded. “Yeah, yeah of course. It would be nice to talk about him again.”

They stayed silent for another minute before Maddie pulled away to grab a tissue box sitting on a nearby table. She took a few for herself and dropped the box in his lap. “Wipe all that snot off your face,” she joked, and for the first time in several days Buck smiled. He complied, and then as Maddie adjusted the chair she was sitting in he took the opportunity to throw his used tissues at her.

“Ew! Gross!” Maddie immediately batted them away and they fell to the floor. He couldn’t help but snort at the look on her face. “You’re disgusting.” He just shrugged and she rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

A light knock on the door interrupted them, and Buck looked over to see Bobby and Athena standing in the doorway.

“Hey Buckaroo.” Athena strode confidently towards him, eyes fixed on him the whole time. She leaned in to give him a hug that he returned to the best of his ability, and when she stepped back she ruffled his hair gently, minding the stitches. “How are you doing? Doctors said you banged your head pretty hard,” Athena said, eyebrow raised.

“Um, yeah, a little,” he shrugged and ducked his head.

“But you’re alright?” Bobby was standing by the foot of the bed, leaning on the endrail and looking at him intently. Buck could feel the weight of Bobby's gaze, knew Bobby was searching him for any discomfort, any hidden injury.

“I will be,” he answered.

“Of course you will, you’re Buck,” Athena said easily. “At this point I’m starting to think you’re invincible.”

“Careful Athena, don’t plant ideas in his head,” Bobby joked. They all laughed and Buck felt the last of the weight from his parents visit dissipate. “You did good today,” Bobby said quietly. Buck felt his face flush and he rubbed at the back of his neck.

They talked for another few minutes, and Buck couldn’t help but relax. He hated being in hospitals, but having family - his real family - around made it bearable. 

“This has been nice, but I’ve got to pick up Harry from Micheal’s,” Athena said after several minutes. Buck immediately felt guilt rise up in him at keeping Athena from her kids.

“Oh, I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” 

“Nonsense Buckaroo,” Athena waved off his apology. “I’ll always be here if you get hurt. But maybe try to stay out of hospitals for a little while?” Buck smiled at her joke and Athena gave him a pat on his shoulder then made her way out, giving Bobby a quick kiss before leaving. Bobby shook his head fondly and turned back to Buck.

“Well, I should let the others come see you, but I’ll stick around to take you home once you’ve been discharged.” Buck opened his mouth to protest but Maddie beat him to it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” she cut in.

“You sure?” Bobby asked with a raised eyebrow. Maddie nodded. “Ok then.” Bobby stood up straighter and gave Buck one more smile. “I’m glad you’re ok,” he said, voice soft. Bobby turned to leave his room, then stopped by the door. “Oh, and I know you haven’t been cleared to work, so don’t even think about trying to come to your shift tomorrow.”

“But Bobby I-”

“I’ll get someone to cover you, don’t worry about it.” With that Bobby left, leaving Buck and Maddie by themselves for a few minutes.

“I’m glad you ended up in LA,” Maddie said after a moment passed. He looked at her and grinned.

“I’m glad you followed me here. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

There was movement in the hall and Buck sat up straighter, turning to face the door while trying not to look too eager.

“I swear Buck, you do something that dumb again and I’ll kill you myself,” Hen joked as she entered the room, Chimney trailing behind her.

“You agreed with me!” Buck protested. His eyes slid past her to the door for another moment before he focused back on her and saw she was giving him a Look.

“Well I was under the impression you would stay in contact and let us know where you were instead of going radio silent.” Buck opened his mouth to retort when Hen leaned in and gave him a quick hug, effectively shutting him up. “Seriously though, I’m glad you’re ok.” Buck nodded, and couldn’t help but glance at the door again. “What, were you hoping for someone else?” Hen asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” Buck said quickly. He wasn’t a good liar in the best of circumstances, and being hooked up to a heart rate monitor while concussed was definitely not the best circumstance. Hen and Maddie shared a look but Buck firmly ignored them to turn to Chimney. “Hey Chim,” he greeted.

“Buck,” Chimney nodded. Chimney had automatically gone to stand by Maddies side, one of his hands resting on her shoulder. He had hung back so far, a look on his face like he wasn’t sure if he was welcome. “Buck, I-”

“It’s ok,” Buck cut him off, “you don’t have to apologize. I get it.” Chimney looked like he still wanted to say something but held back, which Buck was grateful for. He knew he had been an ass, and really just wanted to move past it.

“So, Hen,” Buck turned to her, “I thought you would’ve wanted to head home?”

“Oh, believe me, I do,” Hen laughed, “but you know I had to check on you first.”

Buck nodded and bit his lip, trying to figure out the words spinning in his head. He hated trying to have serious conversations while concussed, it made it so much harder to think. “You- you didn’t have to stay,” he said quietly. The three of them fell silent, and Buck fidgeted in the bed, the weight of their collective gaze pinning him in place.

“Buck, you’re in the hospital,” Hen said slowly.

“I know, but it was just a concussion, it wasn’t that bad!” He protested. Chimney snorted.

“You know Buck, most people don’t end up in the hospital often enough that smoke inhalation and a concussion ‘aren’t that bad’.” Chimney rolled his eyes.

“Well, yeah, but I mean- I’ve had worse.”

“Please knock on something before you jinx yourself,” Hen muttered. Buck laughed but Hen fixed him with a serious gaze. “For real Buck, we will always be there for you. Whether it’s a concussion or a bloody nose or a broken bone. We’ll be there.”

“That’s what family is for, you know? It sucks being in a hospital alone,” Chimney added. Buck nodded, looking down at his hands which he was wringing in his lap, not trusting himself to speak.

“Well this has been touching but I promised Karen I’d be home in time to get the kids ready for school,” Hen said. “Besides, Eddie’s been waiting long enough.”

“Eddie’s still here?” Buck couldn’t help the eagerness in his tone, and Hen rolled her eyes.

“You really think he’d leave?” She asked it sarcastically, but Buck hadn’t expected any of them to stay, much less Eddie. He had a home to go to, a kid to go to, why would he want to stay in a hospital when he could be with Christopher?

“He was pacing a hole in the floor while we were waiting out there,” Chimney told him. “But he insisted we all come see you first.”

“I think he just wanted Buck to himself,” Hen said under her breath. The others all laughed while Buck felt his face burn, and he wished for the hundredth time he hadn’t gotten drunk and confessed his crush to Maddie. He should’ve known the information would make its way through the grapevine; at this point he was surprised Eddie hadn’t heard about it yet.

“See you around Buckaroo!” Hen left while Maddie and Chim were still laughing, and Buck fixed Maddie with a glare.

“I hate you,” he said seriously.

“Mh-hm, sure,” Maddie rolled her eyes and playfully punched his shoulder.

“For the last time I’m not leaving!” Eddie froze in the doorway of the hospital room, suddenly rethinking his decision to enter. The room in front of him was darkened, most of the lights off, but Eddie could still make out Buck lying in bed, having a heated conversation with Maddie, who was sitting in a chair next to him. Chimney was standing behind Maddie, watching the two of them with wide eyes, and he looked up when Eddie entered.

‘Help’ Chimney mouthed. Eddie shook his head, he did not want to get in the middle of a Buckley sibling argument.

“Maddie you’re pregnant!” Buck exclaimed.

“And you’re my brother , I’m not leaving you alone,” Maddie retorted. Buck groaned.

“There’s no reason for you to sit in an uncomfortable hospital chair for hours while I lie here and do nothing!”

“Well then make room on the bed.”

“Maddie-” as the two of them continued arguing, Eddie took a moment to assess Buck. His voice was rough as hell, and just hearing him speak made Eddie wince. But he looked much better than earlier, lively and energetic. There was a patch of gauze on his head, but other than that he looked normal. It was a relief to see. Eddie had known Buck was ok, but actually seeing him sitting up and talking banished the last of his lingering worries.

“Chimney, you agree with me right?” Buck turned to Chimney for help, but Chim held up his hands in surrender.

“Nope, I am not getting dragged into this.” 

“But you know Maddie should be at home getting rest!”

“Buck listen to me,” Maddie grabbed Bucks hands from where he was waving them and held onto them tightly. “I am not leaving you alone, ok? It’s not happening.” They held a staring contest for a long moment, and Eddie was sure Maddie had won when-

“But Maddie- ”

“I’m not leaving you alone-!”

“I’ll stay,” the words were out of Eddie's mouth before he processed what he was saying, and three pairs of eyes snapped to him. Eddie swallowed and tried not to think too hard about how Buck lit up when he noticed Eddie, or how his own heart skipped a beat when their eyes met. “You’re worried about him being alone,” Eddie said to Maddie as he approached the bed, “I’ll stay here with him until he’s discharged. Make sure he gets home safely.” Eddie very purposefully did not look at Buck while he talked, trying to keep his voice even.

Maddie pursed her lips and glanced at Buck. “I don’t want to leave you-”

“You’re not. I promise,” Buck cut her off. “Please Mads, I’m gonna be stuck here for a couple hours not doing anything. You should go home, get some rest. Please?” Buck was using what Hen called his puppy dog eyes to their full extent, and Eddie could see Maddie considering. She looked at Eddie for a long moment and he tried not to shift too much on his feet, but her gaze felt like it was burning into him. After a long moment Maddie let out a sigh.

“Alright, fine,” Maddie said. She slowly stood up and fixed Eddie with a pointed glare. “Keep an eye on him.”

“I will,” Eddie promised. 

Maddie nodded, satisfied, and leaned over to give Buck a lopsided hug. She hesitated when she pulled back, hands still resting on his shoulders, and she looked at him intently. “I love you,” she said seriously.

“Love you too Maddie,” Buck replied quietly. Satisfied, Maddie ran her hand through Buck's hair, then took Chimney's arm and walked out of the room, throwing one last glance at Buck before disappearing around the corner.

“Thanks for that,” Buck said sheepishly.

“Anytime,” Eddie replied easily as he settled into the chair Maddie just vacated.

“Yeah, um,” Buck rubbed the back of his neck and fixed his gaze on his lap. “Listen, if you- I mean, you don’t- you can go, if you want. I don’t need a babysitter,” he mumbled.

“Uh-huh, nice try, but you’re not getting rid of me that easy,” Eddie said. “I did just promise your sister I’d stay with you, and no offense but I’m more scared of her than I am of you.” Buck let out a small laugh and Eddie counted that as a victory. “Besides, you gave all of us a heart attack when you didn’t come out of the building.” Buck flushed and averted his gaze.

“I had to,” he said softly.

“I know,” Eddie replied simply. “Doesn’t mean I can’t worry about you.” Buck nodded, but he wouldn’t meet Eddie's eyes, and Eddie could tell Buck was bouncing his foot under the sheets.

“Hey,” Eddie leaned forward and grabbed Bucks hand where it lay on the bed. He felt a blush start to creep up his face as Buck looked at him and he forced himself to take an even breath. “I want to be here, ok? I’m not going anywhere.” Buck stared at him for a long moment, searching for something in Eddie's expression. Whatever he was looking for he found, because a slow smile crept across his face and he dropped his eyes to his lap.

“Ok,” Buck’s voice was soft, and he glanced briefly up at Eddie again, smile widening. “Ok,” he repeated, stronger this time.

Eddie smiled and sat back, forcing himself to let go of Buck's hand like a normal person and not hold on; even though the feeling of Buck's hand in his, that reminder that Buck was alive, was everything Eddie needed at the moment. Buck stared at him for another moment and Eddie felt his face heat up. Eddie cleared his throat and looked away, leaning back in the chair.

“So Chris’ science class is starting a project on the solar system,” Eddie said after a minute.

“Oh yeah?” Buck grinned again, getting that look in his eye that he always got whenever anyone mentioned Chris.

“Yeah, and he’s gonna need help with it.”

“I can- I mean,” Buck started the sentence eagerly but pulled back, suddenly unsure. Eddie wanted to roll his eyes but he knew Buck would take it the wrong way.

“I’m not good with that kind of stuff,” Eddie said slowly. Buck glanced up at him and Eddie could see a glimmer of nervous hope flash in his eyes. “So he’ll need all the help he can get.”

“Do you- are you sure?” Buck asked quietly. He was hunched over slightly, shoulders pulled up like he was bracing for impact.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Eddie said easily. Buck lit up at his words, eyes flashing with that familiar spark, his entire body radiating joy, and Eddie wondered how anyone could ever leave him behind.