Chapter Text
“I’m just thinking there's something we’re missing…” Gansey was saying, “Something about Glendower, that’s just-” He paused, “Ronan?”
Ronan scowled at Gansey, “What?”
“Are you okay?”
It was evident, to Adam, at least, that Ronan was not okay. On days Ronan was okay, Ronan sprawled across the booth at Nino’s, grinning at the way Adam shifted uncomfortably to accommodate him, cackling when Adams snapped at him to sit normally. When Ronan was okay, he scarfed down burgers and chewed with his mouth obnoxiously open, speaking to loudly. Today, Ronan was hunched in the corner of the booth, arms crossed like a shield over his body. He had jerked away from Noah’s friendly touches. He wasn’t eating.
Ronan just gave Gansey a flat stare. Was it Adam or had the circles under his eyes gotten darker?
“Ronan,” Gansey said.
“Dick,” Ronan replied.
Adam rolled his eyes, exhausted already by the conversation. It had played over a million times before: Gansey asking if Ronan was okay, Ronan’s face shuttering, Gansey proding- gentle, stern, desperate- and finally Ronan lashing out, storming away, generally acting like an upset toddler. Noah met his eyes. They both knew the script well.
“If you need anything-” Gansey began,
“You’re here for me.” Ronan finished, mocking.
Gansey looked at Ronan, hurt, “I am,” He said softly, “You know that.”
Ronan sagged against the booth, as if the strings holding him up had been cut. “I do know that.” There was something delicate and vulnerable in his voice. This wasn’t a part of the usual script. “Don’t worry Gansey, I know that.”
Adam felt something curl in his stomach. A feeling he couldn’t quite place. As jagged as Ronan was, as careless as his cruelty came, it was always Gansey- Gansey who already had everything- who he was gentle with. Whatever Ronan’s version of gentle meant.
Gansey smiled, sadly, “Good.”
Ronan rolled his eyes, “Don’t give me that look, shit stain.”
Adam snorted.
“Glendower,” Gansey said, regaining focus, “As I was saying, there’s just something missing.”
Ronan didn’t speak for the rest of the night. He didn’t eat either. Gansey didn’t push him. Adam ignored him. Noah pretended nothing was wrong.
Ronan wasn’t at school the next day. Gansey had shaken his head when Adam asked about him.
“I just don’t know what to do. I can’t force him to come to school. If I ask him if he’s okay, he lashes out- I hate it when he lashes out. I hate it more when he doesn’t. If that makes anymore sense.”
Adam thought about the way Ronan had sagged in the booth. “Yeah, that makes sense.”
“I’ll try to get him to come to school tomorrow.” Gansey straightened- Adam used to think Gansey looked like a politician, now he just looked like a parent, “And after, we’ll do something he likes.”
“Like what?” Adam asked, as far as he was aware, the only things Ronan liked doing was racing, drinking and making people uncomfortable.
Gansey paused, frowned, “I’ll think of something.”
What Gansey thought of, Adam never found out. The next day, his dad had intercepted him before leaving the house, accusing him of stealing money (as if there was anything to steal), demanding Adam’s paycheck from Boyd’s, then gave him a nasty bruise across the face. Adam stayed home that day.
“I’ll beat him up, if you want.” Ronan said.
Adam looked up from his latin homework, Ronan lounging in the dying light, which was streaming through the window, looking far more regal than anyone on the dirty floor of Monmouth had any right too. “What?”
“I’ll beat that dipshit up.” Ronan said, pointing to his right eye, “If you want.”
Adam touched his black eye delicately, then flushed, understanding. He spat, “Fuck off.”
Ronan shrugged, but Adam could see something beneath the nonchalance of the gesture. Something tense and angry.
Adam held his gaze for a long moment, disdainful, and turned back to his latin homework. Ronan just threw an arm over his face.
After fifteen minutes of staring at his homework, the letters still refused to make sense- Ronan had agitated him, and now Ronan was all Adam could think about; Ronan had a weird way of getting under people’s skin like that. Adam looked back up at Ronan; he was laying completely still, more still then he had ever seen Ronan- he looked handsome, the light coloring his features golden, his face void of it’s usual gasoline and tragedy. But he didn’t look peaceful.
Adam and Ronan didn’t really spend time together without Gansey, but Gansey was with his parents, Noah had gone off to wherever Noah disapeared to, and Adam had just wanted a peaceful place to study- and Ronan had cajoled him into coming over.
“If you don’t come, I’ll burn the place down, and Dick will never forgive you for not stopping me.” Ronan had said, and Adam had given in.
Adam look at Ronan’s prone form on the floor, he so rarely just got to look at Ronan. Ronan was always the one looking at him. Adam wondered if Ronan knew he noticed. He wondered if Ronan would stop if he knew Adam noticed.
“Are you done with your homework already, Parish?”
Adam jumped, in surprise.
Ronan sat up, and gave him a curious look,
“I thought you were asleep.” Adam said, by way of explanation.
Ronan gave him a savage smile, “I never sleep.”
“Why?”
Ronan didn’t say anything.
Of course, Adam knew Ronan Lynch’s story, how he used to have dark curls and an easy laugh (Adam thought he still had an easy laugh, but Gansey said it wasn’t the same), and a beautiful mother and brilliant father. Ronan- according to Gansey- had even had his own kingdom, the Barns. And then he had lost it all.
The story of Ronan finding his father, in a puddle of brains and blood, made Adam queasy. Adam didn’t like to think about the way Ronan, imposing and untouchable, must have caved in on himself. Didn’t like hearing the way Gansey described the way he broke, and all his pieces turned outwards.
But he couldn’t feel sorry for Ronan Lynch, former prince. Couldn’t muster sympathy for the boy who had once had parents who loved him, who had had so much, when Adam had never had anything. Adam knew it was bitter and selfish to be jealous for coming from a beautiful place, when Adam came from somewhere so ugly. But Adam had always been a bitter and selfish boy.
“Are you staying the night?” Ronan asked Adam, glancing out the window. The sky was darkening.
Adam swore. He had lost track of time. “I have to go.”
For a moment, Ronan looked almost- dismayed, then his expression closed. “Do you need a ride?”
Adam began gathering his homework, “No thanks.” He moved to the door.
“Wait.” Ronan said.
Adam paused.
“Don’t go back to him.”
Adam let out a bitter laugh. “And what? Stay here? Become one of Gansey’s things? I don’t belong to anyone.”
“He beats the shit out of you.” Ronan said in a low voice, uncharacteristically serious, “I know he does. I see your bruises. No dad should do that to his son.” The words were empty of vitriol and venom. For some reason that made them sting more.
“Mind your own fucking buisness.” Adam snapped.
“Please stay.” Ronan closed his eyes. “I don’t want to be alone.”
Adam felt a cruel sort of thrill, a twisted power, Ronan Lynch had everything- and yet, Adam Parish could still deny him. “I’m not Gansey. You’re not my responsibility.” The words tasted bitter and wrong in his mouth. Ronan’s entire body went stiff.
Adam’s stomach went funny with guilt. He slung his backpack on his shoulder and, without looking Ronan in the eye, left.
That night, Ronan woke up to bruises and bee stings and blood.