Actions

Work Header

Even Then

Summary:

The sleeve he wears on his left arm is traditional and decorative, that much is true. It does nothing to enhance his ability in combat, and means little to modern mortals except to remind them that Xiao is an ancient being who still, in some ways, lives firmly in the days of Liyue’s past. Still, it does serve another, much more personal, purpose.

It covers the many names that crawl up his arm, from the inside of his wrist to the crook of his elbow and higher still. Centuries’ worth of soulmates, written in tiny, neat letters across the canvas of his skin, only serve as reminders of the many hundreds of years he’s walked the surface of Teyvat.

In which Xiao has given up on soulmates, and Aether doesn't have one to begin with.

For Xiaoaether Week Day 2: Soulmates

Notes:

Day 2 is here! I went with the Soulmates prompt for today's fic, though I prefer to call it a Reverse Soulmates AU myself lol. You'll see what I mean once you read it. I had a lot of fun writing this one in particular, so I hope you enjoy! Be sure to drop me a comment if you did, I always appreciate the feedback.

If you want to keep up to date on my ongoing projects and see what new writing I have in the works, you can follow me on twitter at @serenlyss. I also share a lot of art and the occasional meme there.

Work Text:

Since the ancient times of Teyvat, it has been well known that every person born on the planet will, at some point in their life, manifest a peculiar mark somewhere on their body. No one truly knows where the mark originates, only that it depicts a name: more specifically, the name of a person who is also living during the same time as them. Not even Xiao is an exception, and so, as Teyvat’s legend states, the name of his soulmate is written on the inside of his wrist.

The tradition varies from country to country, its true purpose and origin remaining shrouded in mystery. In Mondstadt, for example, they say that the mark that manifests itself on a person’s body is not necessarily romantic. It only tells of an important person you will someday meet, and the relationship is left ambiguous.

For the people of the City of Freedom, having a predetermined destiny is likely an uncomfortable concept, he supposes. On these grounds, Xiao can agree with them. As an adeptus summoned for the sole purpose of fighting and killing, he has little use for the trivialities that romantic relationships bring.

The sleeve he wears on his left arm is traditional and decorative, that much is true. It does nothing to enhance his ability in combat, and means little to modern mortals except to remind them that Xiao is an ancient being who still, in some ways, lives firmly in the days of Liyue’s past. Still, it does serve another, much more personal, purpose.

It covers the many names that crawl up his arm, from the inside of his wrist to the crook of his elbow and higher still. Centuries’ worth of soulmates, written in tiny, neat letters across the canvas of his skin, only serve as reminders of the many hundreds of years he’s walked the surface of Teyvat.

A few of the names belong to people he’s met, people he remembers. Many of them are located near his wrist, where the oldest names sit; as a younger man, he’d actively sought out those people whose names he’d been assigned, befriended them, and perhaps even loved them. As the years had passed, however, he’d found himself more and more reluctant to meet them and more and more hardened to the idea of a predetermined partner until he’d given up on even remembering their names.

He is battle-hardened, years of war and suffering weighing him down. He is not fit to be a partner, nor does he crave the attention of mortals. He allows himself to fade into the background alongside his fellow Adepti, ever-present but no longer a public figure, and as he does, the names on his arm that he can match to a face grow farther and farther between.

For the past several hundred years, he’s given little more than a passing glance to the ever-growing list. They mean nothing to him now, just jumbles of letters for him to scowl at in the times he remembers they are there. His latest soulmate carries a traditional name from Natlan, a country so far from Liyue that he knows there is no chance he will ever go there himself, and so he does not bother to memorize it. He tugs his sleeve back up his arm and lets thoughts of his fate and divine intervention slumber.

It’s not until decades later that Xiao first meets and befriends the now-famous traveler. Against all odds—and against Xiao’s own wishes, sometimes—Aether manages to worm his way into his life with a permanency he’d never expected, making himself quite at home.

At first, he’d been irritated with Aether’s persistence, but over time he’d grown to find the presence of the not-quite-mortal to be comfortable, dependable. Slowly, Aether had prompted him to open himself up again, nudging him little by little out of the comfort zone he’d stayed firmly inside for thousands of years.

He smiles, now, despite his past and his own self-ostracization. Aether’s abundant cheerfulness offsets the gloom that tends to come for Xiao when he is alone and brings in much-needed sunlight; he’d forgotten what it feels like to have companionship with another person over his many years of fighting.

It doesn’t matter that Aether is not his soulmate, nor does it matter that he is not there to stay. He comes to appreciate, and maybe even enjoy, just having him present. The thought is simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. He hasn’t felt this kind of love for another person since before the Archon War had begun. The feeling seizes his heart with a fierce grip and refuses to subside, leaving him helpless to do anything but accept it.

So he does, knowing full well that it is foolish of him to do so. Aether is not his soulmate, and yet the feeling is the same as he remembers from the few people with whom he’s shared a similar experience.

“Xiao, do you have a soulmate?” Aether asks him one day as they are traveling together, the question dropped on him out of nowhere and with an impossible casualness that Xiao himself could never hope to replicate.

Shocked, all he can do is scowl in response. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, and not an expression he really intends to make, but it does sum up his feelings on the matter quite succinctly. He swallows, forcing himself to bite back his instinctive bitterness as he turns to meet Aether’s gaze. 

“Do you?” he shoots back calmly, and does his best not to be offended by the personal question. It’s not as though Aether is aware of his long and complicated history with the subject.

Aether flashes him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I didn’t think it would be such a sore subject,” he says. He sits beside Xiao with his back up against a smooth rock and runs a hand through his bangs. After a moment of quiet, he gives a shake of his head.

“I guess I can tell you. I don’t usually bring it up, since I’m trying to keep my, um, origins from being public knowledge. But since you asked, no, I don’t have one. They’re not really a thing where I’m from.” He tugs his long braid over one shoulder and glances sideways at Xiao. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I was just curious, ‘cause it seems like everyone I run into has a mark on them somewhere.”

Xiao folds his arms defensively, pondering on this revelation for a moment. It’s not surprising to him that Aether’s skin would be blank if he truly has come from another world. He’s quiet for a few long seconds, and then he says, “My apologies. This subject is… not one I often talk about.”

Aether nods his head. “No worries, you can forget I ever asked-”

“I do have one,” Xiao interrupts before he can convince himself not to. He trusts Aether implicitly, for better or worse. “Or, I suppose I should say that I have many.” 

As he speaks, he reaches up to undo the tie keeping his sleeve in place and peels it off to reveal the list of names spiraling around his forearm. Wordlessly, he holds his arm out between them. A part of him feels naked with the marks uncovered, and he does his best to push down the niggling urge he feels to hide them again.

Aether lets out a little gasp at the sight, lifting one hand to run his fingertips along the list of names with a feather-light touch. Swallowing, Xiao fights to keep his heart from racing. The proximity is starting to get to him, a familiar warmth blooming on the back of his neck that he’d rather not let show on his face. As much as he has grown more comfortable with Aether’s touch over their many months of friendship, it still never fails to make him burn up.

“I had no idea they could look like this. I wasn’t even sure if you would have one, considering you weren’t really born in the traditional sense,” Aether chuckles. “So many names… I guess that’s to be expected, with how old you are.” Despite the truthful nature of his sentence, there’s a teasing edge to his voice.

Xiao clicks his tongue. “Don’t talk to me like I’m your grandfather,” he grumbles, “and speak for yourself. You’re at least ten times older than the oldest people on this planet.” Aether’s longevity is no secret between the two of them, a fact that Xiao isn’t really sure how to feel about.

Aether laughs into his hand. “If I treated you like my grandfather, I couldn’t say half the things I say to you,” he assures. “I wouldn’t be able to tease you, for one.”

“On second thought, maybe you should after all.”

Aether slaps Xiao lightly on his shoulder in retribution for his words, and this time Xiao can’t help the shadow of a grin that comes to his face. The lightheartedness between the two of them is refreshing in a way he hasn’t experienced in a very long time. When Aether pulls his hand away from Xiao’s arm, he feels himself leaning in, chasing that contact in an instinctual manner.

At one point, these types of feelings had distressed him, but over time he’d given in to Aether’s charm. There is still a part of him that is closed off and may never again see the light of day, but here, alone with Aether, he feels closer to himself than he has in eons. Perhaps he’ll feel guilty about letting himself feel such fleeting happiness later, but for now, he chases it.

“I didn’t know people could have so many,” Aether says once his mirth has subsided. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone with more than three or four names.” He leans subconsciously closer to Xiao, shoulder brushing against his.

Xiao pretends not to notice. “They start to add up once you’ve lived through a few dozen lifetimes,” he replies softly. Self-conscious, he reaches up to rub his hand over the exposed names. In their close proximity, his fingers brush against Aether’s arm. “A new person appears when the old one dies, but the old name never goes away. Someday, I’ll end up covered in them.”

Or perhaps the gods will finally stop giving him more names to meaninglessly fuss over and he can go on with his life knowing that he’s not leaving some starry-eyed lover out to dry. That, at least, would take the tiniest fraction of weight off his conscience.

Aether hums thoughtfully, glancing away for a moment. “I wonder what it feels like to know exactly who you’ll love? I can’t really imagine it,” he murmurs. “In my world, you just fall in love and hope that person will love you back.” He lets out a quiet laugh. “Such a thing must sound silly to you, huh?”

The thing is, though, it doesn’t, because Xiao knows that he is currently experiencing exactly what Aether has told him. The feelings he has for Aether fall outside the normalities of his own world, but that has always been okay in his eyes. He had not been created to love, and yet his creator had seen fit to give him the ability anyway. It’s perplexing, if not entirely unwanted. “I don’t think it’s silly,” he offers in a quiet voice.

It must not be the response Aether is expecting, because he suddenly finds himself meeting Aether’s wide-eyed gaze with his own. His companion is frozen in place, staring. Xiao wonders if he’s managed to read into the subtext of what he’s just revealed to him, if he understands. If his heart hadn’t been racing before, it definitely is now.

“You… oh ,” Aether breathes, the meaning of Xiao’s words dawning on his astonished face. He raises a hand to his mouth to hide his reaction, but Xiao can still see the way the tips of his ears redden in response to his words. “Xiao, if you mean what I think you mean…” He pauses, audibly swallowing, his face tilting down in a shy manner. “I don’t want to make an assumption, so… could you tell me?”

Xiao wants to, he really does, but he finds himself somehow at a loss for words. He’s lost in Aether’s nervous, hopeful gaze, all coherent thought brought to a screeching halt. He finds himself leaning forward by impulse, his shoulder pressing against Aether’s as he invades his companion’s space.

His face is close enough that he can feel Aether’s breath against his skin, and yet he still hesitates, familiar doubts preventing him from following through. Is this something he deserves? Can he really chase after what he wants, knowing that Aether is only here temporarily? He digs his fingers into the ground at his side, his heart thudding in his chest so frantically that he’s certain Aether must be able to hear it.

He’s contemplating backing out entirely, rescinding his earlier admission, when Aether surges forward suddenly and closes the distance between them with one swift motion. He brings one hand up to lightly cup Xiao’s jaw as he draws him in for a kiss, his gloved thumb brushing over his cheek in a soft, deliberate motion.

The shocked noise Xiao makes is swallowed entirely, his heart leaping into his throat and his entire body freezing stiff. Then, as quickly as they come, he feels his inhibitions fleeing him. It feels right , in a way he’s seldom experienced even with his past romantic partners. He finds himself leaning into the kiss, tilting his head in search of a better angle. His right hand drifts to Aether’s waist, finding purchase against the warm, exposed skin there, and in response he feels Aether smile against his lips.

It’s been centuries since Xiao has last kissed someone, so long ago that it feels like his first all over again. It’s chaste and a little clumsy, but neither of them seem to mind. Aether’s hand finds the side of his shoulder, just above his sleeve, in an undeniably affectionate touch. It’s not the first time he’s done so, far from it, and yet it manages to feel new nonetheless as the warmth of his palm sends little shivers down Xiao’s spine with each soft caress. It’s enough to leave him feeling overwhelmed and a little light-headed.

Xiao has gone head to head with countless monsters, demons, and mutations, but none of them have been able to bring him to his knees the way Aether can with a single action. He uses the hand on his waist to pull him closer, his fingers digging into the soft skin there, and revels in the pleased little noise Aether makes in response. His heart feels full to bursting, emotions near the point of overflowing. When he pulls back at last to take a breath, he’s dizzy with it.

Aether takes a deep breath and then descends into a fit of quiet giggles, still clinging to Xiao’s shoulders. “That didn’t go at all how I expected,” he admits, but he’s all smiles nonetheless, clearly pleased. The sight of it makes Xiao feel warm up to the tips of his ears. Despite fighting to keep from blushing earlier, he knows his face must be red now. But Aether’s is, too, a pleasant dusting of pink across the bridge of his nose that he can’t help but stare at.

The idea that he can invoke such a reaction in someone else, despite being the way he is, feels like something amazing. “It’s not what I was expecting, either,” he manages to say, his voice embarrassingly breathless.

“Do you regret it?” Aether asks, that sweet smile still on his face.

Xiao shakes his head immediately. “No. In fact, I would… like to keep doing this. If you’ll let me,” he admits, voice quiet and hesitant. It’s hard for him to put such self-indulgent thoughts into words, but Aether is patient with him, and for that, he is thankful.

Aether leans his head forward, hiding his face in Xiao’s shoulder. “Even though I’m not your soulmate?” he whispers. “Even though I… I might not stay?”

It is, of course, a possibility that Xiao has considered. Once Aether finds his sister and regains his power, his reason for staying will be gone. The thought makes Xiao’s chest tighten with an indescribable sadness, but still…

“Even then,” he says. The words feel like a promise on his tongue, a vow to see this through until the end of the road. It’s a different kind of promise from the contracts that had once bound him to Liyue, one that settles into his heart like a comforting weight. “I would stay with you for as long as you allow me to, until the day comes that we must go our separate ways.”

“As if I would ever try to stop you,” Aether murmurs, voice watery with emotion. He runs his hand from Xiao’s shoulder down his arm and threads their fingers together, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “I would love nothing more.” He smiles softly, his face so full of warmth and love in this intimate moment that Xiao can only stare. It’s as though he’s been made from sunlight itself, his hair and eyes shining gold in the afternoon sun. Aether feels everything so openly, so expressively, so differently from him, and it makes Xiao want to rise up to meet him.

He squeezes Aether’s hand back. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, swooping down to capture his lips in another kiss. He swallows the giggle that bubbles up in Aether’s throat, eyes falling closed, and revels in the feeling of simply being with him. For the time being, he pushes aside all other worldly cares. It makes him feel weightless, even if he knows the feeling can only ever be short-lived.

When Aether pulls away, he’s still grinning. “You’re pretty good-looking yourself,” he replies lightheartedly, gaze soft and affectionate.

Over their heads, the late afternoon sun begins to set, casting long shadows across their resting place. Aether lifts his head to look at it, shielding his eyes with his hand, and sighs. “As much as I would love to stay here for a while longer, we should probably get moving if we want to reach Liyue by dark,” he says, pushing himself to his feet. He tugs on Xiao’s hand in the process, keeping them firmly linked.

Xiao nods his head in agreement and allows Aether to pull him to his feet with a grunt. Even after they’re both standing, Aether doesn’t let go, so neither does he. He focuses on the warmth of Aether’s hand in his as they make their way down the grassy hillside, letting it soothe him. No matter how fleeting or how temporary, he will let these quiet, meaningful moments settle into him, a mark on his heart as permanent and everlasting as the ones hidden beneath his sleeve.

Series this work belongs to: