Work Text:
At first, Dina considers staying in bed this week. Her entire life has been thrown into total chaos, and lately all she has the drive to do is sleep and cry.
It was all a lie. How could she have done that to her- to everyone, everyone in the entire world? Talia is her sister. She’d thought she was good.
She threw away everything for Dina . It makes her want to throw up whenever she thinks about the magnitude of what Talia has done.
Ultimately, though, Dina still lives in Jackson. She does her assigned tasks in a vague haze, going from patrol routes to farming to whatever else and trying as hard as she can to avoid any thought of her sister. They still bump into each other, of course, and it’s awkward and stilted every time as Dina tries to hold back tears and biting betrayal.
Everything else is still going on around her.
Ellie is too. She always has- she never really stops, always going and racing and just being this absolute force of life and brightness. She’s lucky, Dina thinks- she knows she’s not without her past either, like anyone, but somehow she just carries it better. Dina’s sure it’s because of the family she found here, a family that would never break her trust.
Her best friend catches up to her eventually as they’re both put to work in the gardens. Ellie’s not assigned to the same garden, of course, but nobody’s going to stop her from sneaking over from her area to talk. She’s Tommy and Maria’s niece, after all. That connection has had its perks over the years. Sneaking out at night, sneaking back in at noon, getting caught with contraband, getting caught with girls; Ellie has enjoyed the leniency to be maybe a little more troublesome than most Jackson teens, and Dina, if she’s being honest, has enjoyed the benefits by extension.
Ellie bumps Dina’s shoulder as she’s planting, and some of the loose dirt falls from the little tomato seedling in Dina’s hands. She sighs and looks up, already knowing who’s there.
“Hey,” Ellie grins brightly. She’s messy from the day’s work, short hair half falling over her eyes, dirt on her ratty jeans and sweat on her collarbones under the fabric of her tank top.
Dina is not in the mood for this today.
“Hey.” She turns back to the soil, settling the plant and starting to pack in dirt on top of it.
“Haven’t seen you around in a while.” Ellie crouches down next to her and, on autopilot, picks up the nearest trowel and starts digging a new hole for the next plant Dina will have to put in. It’s a sweet gesture, but Dina is irritated today, and so she sets her jaw and stubbornly starts preparing the dirt on the other side with her own trowel instead.
“What’ve you been up to?” Ellie asks.
“Nothing.” That’s not a lie- Dina hasn’t done much of anything lately.
“How’s Jesse been?”
“We broke up, actually.” She remembers the fight, how she had pushed him away until they had both blown up at each other. She still has to apologize for that. Lately, it feels like she has so much emotion she can’t contain it, and he’d just been in the way enough to get hit when she explodes. He didn’t really deserve it.
“Oh, shit. Sorry.” She does look genuinely sorry, and a little surprised too, but there’s that glint of slight intrigue in her eye that Dina’s not sure if she likes. Ellie’s been like that lately, just a little bit off. She doesn’t seem to hang out with Jesse as much, even after breaking it off with Cat for reasons that Dina still doesn’t understand (they had seemed pretty happy to her- hell, she'd gotten a tattoo from her), and when she hangs around Dina, she’s been different.
Not bad different, just… weird.
Dina tries not to think about how whenever Ellie’s eyes leave her, when she notices she’s watching, Dina wants her to start staring again. She’s got enough problems right now.
“It’s fine,” she relents. Ellie offers her the next tomato plant, and she takes it as Ellie peeks her head around to check that she isn’t in trouble yet.
“You should come over Friday night,” Ellie suggests casually. “Found a new movie I think you’ll like.”
“I’m busy,” Dina replies automatically, then feels guilty about it. She isn’t. She’s just going to stay in and agonize over it again, like she has for nearly a month now.
She doesn’t really have the energy to do much else, to be honest.
“Aw, come on, you’re busy all the time,” Ellie complains. “Make some time for your best friend?” She claps a hand on Dina’s shoulder and shakes her dramatically before making puppy eyes at her. Her voice is quiet and sweet, and fuck, Dina kind of has butterflies. “Please? I know you’ll like it.” Fuck. Why is she this cute? Why does Dina have to like her?
“I-” Dina tries. Ellie starts rubbing her shoulder with her thumb , very gently, and yeah, those are definitely butterflies now. “Um. Yeah, sure.”
If Dina didn’t know better, she’d think there was something a little triumphant in Ellie’s grin. “Awesome! It’s a date. It’s supposed to be a pretty good movie, I think. Maria said it was a classic, but Joel disagrees, so it’ll probably be actually good and not just cheesy,” she laughs. Dina is still stuck on her second sentence, only vaguely registering the rest.
“Ellie!” a voice calls out. “Back to work!”
“Gotta go,” she shrugs. “Anyway, good to see you- can’t wait for Friday!” Then she fucking winks , shoots Dina finger guns like an idiot, runs a hand through her hair and stands and jogs away back to whatever garden she was actually assigned to.
Dina turns back to the tomatoes and hopes the heat in her cheeks could be mistaken for the bright sunshine. She’s really got to be this cute, and then she just has to act so endearing, too. Like Dina doesn’t have enough problems right now.
She’s kind of excited for Friday too, though.
Dina’s barely knocked on the door when Ellie opens it, grinning. “You’re almost late,” she jokes as she pulls Dina inside, entwining their fingers in an unexpected move that makes Dina’s breath catch. Somehow, the tips of her fingers graze the inside of Dina’s wrist before slipping into hers. It feels like sparks left down the skin there, and she quietly, somewhat embarrassed, revels in the sensation.
“You said seven,” she manages. “It’s six fifty-five.”
“You know when I say a time I secretly want you to show up early, right? I like hanging out with you.” Ellie flops onto the living room couch, tugging her friend down gently by her hand. Dina just rolls her eyes, biting back a smile. She does appreciate, however, that Ellie doesn’t let go of her hand once they’ve sat down. She’s barely been here five minutes and she already feels a little less sad and foggy than she has all week.
“Movie’s ready to go, and- drumroll please-” she pauses dramatically, raising her pointer finger in a ‘please wait’ gesture- “Joel’s making popcorn, too.”
“You know I’m savin’ some for me too, right?” a voice calls from the next room. “I ain’t your servant.”
“Got it, Jeeves!” Ellie grins, leaning back over the couch to try to catch a glimpse of him. Dina hears a loud sigh, and she can practically see Joel shaking his head as she tries to hold back giggles. Ellie turns back to her, looking proud of herself.
A bowl suddenly appears between them. Dina looks up to see Joel behind the couch, offering them the popcorn, and it smells amazing. Ellie grabs it first, laying it on the coffee table in front of them.
“Thanks, Mr. Miller,” Dina says, almost automatically. Her family- her sister had always been big on politeness.
Joel nods back. “You know you can just call me Joel, right?”
“He’s going through his mid-life crisis,” Ellie stage-whispers next to her. “Wants to be cool and hip like the kids.” Joel smacks the back of her head lightly, and she makes an indignant noise and scrambles to hit his hand as he withdraws laughing. Dina holds back giggles as Ellie slumps back down, defeated, and Joel heads out up the stairs.
“Now, I’m stayin’ home,” he calls to Ellie. Then he turns to her with an odd expression- almost like he's hiding a smile. “Be smart, kiddo-”
“Ugh, Joel-”
“I’m just sayin’, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do-”
“ Please go away, fucking god . Go! Movie time!” Ellie makes a ‘shoo’ motion with both hands.
Joel chuckles and leaves, and Dina is left to wonder what he’s talking about. She doesn’t have long, though, because Ellie rolls her eyes, shoots Dina one of those trademark smirks that feels like they’re trading a secret, and the room somehow just narrows to them. Dina both loves and hates when she does that- she always loses herself for a moment in her bright green eyes, in the freckles that cross her face in erratic dustings like the stars she loves to go on about. On the downside, her feelings become very fucking obvious when she does that, and it terrifies her a little.
“You excited?” Ellie raises an eyebrow, and Dina realizes she was talking. This is exactly what she meant about hating that smile. Damn it.
“Yeah, bet it’ll be great,” she bluffs, hoping she was talking about the movie.
Ellie doesn’t seem to notice, grabbing the remote and pressing play with dramatic emphasis. “It totally will.”
It kind of is. Dina has always liked a good thriller, and Ellie’s running commentary somehow makes it even more entertaining. She seems to not notice a single important detail even as Dina’s already gotten the ending figured out, more focused on mocking the detective and killer in equal measure.
“That is disgusting,” Dina remarks.
“Like you haven’t seen worse?”
“Yeah, but look-” the detective onscreen pokes the corpse with a pen, and Ellie makes a face, enthralled- “why the fuck are they touching it, that’s so nasty. The guy doesn’t have a stomach anymore, I think they can take a wild guess at what killed him without taking him apart.” Bad choice of words- taking him apart reminds Dina of brain scans and vaccines and Salt Lake, and bile rises in the back of her throat.
I’m not supposed to be here .
She shakes her head as if trying to clear the thoughts away.
Ellie hums thoughtfully and nods to one side. “Suppose so.” They both dip a hand into the popcorn at the same time and the backs of their hands brush, and Dina suppresses a jolt that runs through her, feeling stupid. Really? Acting like a teenager in one of those bad high school movies they’d watched sometimes? It’s weird. She’s gonna weird Ellie out.
Out of the corner of her eye, she catches Ellie taking a quick glance towards her. Fuck. She definitely noticed.
The popcorn is gone fast, and now it’s the part of the movie where the detective’s personal life clashes with his investigation. It’s a good enough story, Dina supposes, but… well, she’s seen a lot of thrillers by now. It’s her favourite genre. It’s predictable.
Ellie is slouched back against the couch, arms slung over the back and legs sprawled out in front of her, watching intently. Her blue t-shirt rides up just a little, and Dina has to tear her eyes away from the hard lines of her hips because, wow , invasion of boundaries, much? Dusk has fallen outside, and the light from the TV plays in her hair in this brilliant way that Dina does allow herself to watch for a moment before turning back to the screen.
A yawn escapes her- she hasn’t been resting well lately regardless of how much sleep she gets, and it’s starting to take its toll.
“What, you’re bored?” Ellie teases, grinning.
“Just tired.” Dina gives her a half-hearted smile.
“Oh.” Ellie sits up for a moment, punches the cushion behind them into a more comfortable shape and scoots closer until there’s inches between them instead of the better part of a foot. She lifts one arm over the back of the couch again and motions with it- come here . “You wanna lean on me? I won’t judge you if you fall asleep on me.” She considers this, then amends: “Okay, I will, but only a little.”
“Uh.” Dina replies intelligently. She wants to- honestly, she wants to; the idea of falling asleep under her best friend’s arm makes her stomach twist with longing, but… she probably shouldn’t. She’ll embarrass herself and make this stupid crush so much worse. If she ignores it, maybe it’ll go away. This all on top of Ellie’s track record with girls; Dina’s seen her before. She can flirt, and she can do it very well, but when it comes to picking up signals she’s practically hopeless. Dina would practically have to kiss her in front of the whole town for her to figure out how she feels.
Ellie seems to pick up on her hesitation and nods understandingly. “That’s cool too, if you don’t want. Hey, check that- oh my god, that’s fuckin’ gross,” she laughs as cherry-coloured, fake-looking blood fills the screen. She leaves her arm up over the couch, though, like an open door.
The immediate pang of regret Dina feels drives her to idiocy- a little hesitantly, she scoots closer to Ellie and gently pulls her arm down around her shoulders. It feels warm and comforting, and as Ellie looks down at her with a surprised little smile, she squeezes Dina’s upper arm gently and leaves it there.
Dina has to look down to hide her own smile.
As the movie goes on, Ellie seems to relax further, sinking into her seat and tapping her fingers on her thigh instead of bouncing her leg like she normally would when sitting “still”. Dina doesn’t miss the way her head leans towards Dina as she loosens up, or how she moves the hand holding her every so often, running her fingers up and down Dina’s arm in a way she’s sure is supposed to be relaxing, but just gives her more butterflies.
“Oh, damn,” Ellie mumbles. One of the side characters, a dark-haired woman with bright red lips and a dress to match, hops onto a motorcycle for the chase sequence, her eyes determined. When Dina looks up, she sees a flash of interest in Ellie’s eyes, mirroring the small spark of jealousy in her stomach. “She’s kinda hot.”
“Really?” Dina laughs.
Ellie shrugs, grinning with a hint of a blush. “Sure. What, not your type?”
Dina feels her cheeks flush, and she knows she probably shouldn’t answer that question. There’s too much risk of exposing herself here. “No.”
At this, Ellie nods thoughtfully, considering. “Fair enough.”
They watch the chase for another minute in silence, Dina still sitting under Ellie’s arm, before Ellie speaks up again. “Out of curiosity-” she turns to Dina, shifting in her seat slightly- “what would you say is your type?”
Dina feels like her heart skipped a beat, and she tries as hard as she can not to show it. “Uh, I… I don’t know.” What is she doing? Some part of her thinks Ellie might be trying to flirt with her, but… she can’t be. There’s no reason to believe that other than hopeless daydreaming.
Deep down, she knows she wouldn’t deserve it anyways. There’s too much baggage and venom in her now. All she would be as a girlfriend would be a burden.
“Yeah, same,” Ellie laughs. “I’m just messing with you.” Way to give me a heart attack, then .
“But seriously, if I had to pick,” she says, fidgeting in her seat and- oh , Dina thinks, a little disappointed- taking her arm off Dina’s shoulders as she shifts to sit facing her, “the brave ones are always the hottest.” She’s slouching in the middle of the couch, one leg up underneath her, and her eyes, while never still, are locked on Dina’s face. She can feel herself blushing a bit again and wills it back, but of course it doesn’t listen.
“What do you mean?” At least she can tell now that Ellie’s not flirting. She can have this conversation with her as long as it doesn’t come too close.
Ellie looks around the room like the corners of the ceiling might give her the words to answer with. “Like… the fighters, you know?” She scratches the back of her neck- a nervous tic that Dina is now baffled to see- and meets her eyes with a sweet smile. “They’re brave and get through whatever happens to them, and they’ll stick up for anyone else, too. That’s a good quality to have.”
“Yeah, for sure.”
The movie is coming to a close- something about tracking down the suspect before their big final plan comes to fruition, Dina doesn’t care.
“It’s kind of like… you remember two weeks ago, on patrol?”
“I think so… Friday?”
“Yeah. You were a total badass. Someone like that, that’s exactly my type.”
What ?
Ellie is still looking at her, and she’s smiling in that sweet, lopsided way of hers. It’s weird. It’s welcome. It’s… definitely the best kind of weird Dina has felt in a month.
“What do you mean by that?” Dina asks hesitantly.
Ellie looks a little baffled at her, then awkward as she scratches her neck again. “Nah, it’s- nevermind.”
There’s a moment of silence as the detective finds the suspect and confronts him- a disgruntled ex-security guard or something, Dina hasn’t been able to pay attention enough to understand.
Is she actually flirting right now?
Ellie doesn’t do that as a joke. It’s just not her. But does that even count? She’s a little stupid sometimes, Dina thinks, it could’ve just been a simple comparison, no ulterior motives at all.
But that was kind of direct, though, and direct has always been the way she is, especially with the girls she-
“Dina?”
“Yeah?”
The movie is loud- a conflict. Dina turns away, picking at the sleeves of her grey sweater, to meet Ellie’s eyes, and she’s still smiling but looking a little confused, too. “You… why do you think I invited you tonight?”
“Because it’s Friday?” Dina half-questions. “We usually do movies on Fridays?”
Ellie nods slowly and laughs under her breath. Dina hasn’t seen her this awkward in a while- it’s odd, because she’s so lively most of the time, all bravado and energy and fierce love, and now she’s quiet and so unsure. It’s unlike her.
“Hey, Dina?”
Now it’s Dina who’s laughing quietly. “Uh huh?”
“I, uh, really like you.”
Dina feels herself flush before her mind starts groaning in embarrassment about it. She doesn’t mean it like that, you stupid, useless loser. She just doesn’t ! She can’t.
“Yeah, you too,” she responds, still not quite able to meet Ellie’s eyes. It’s not like it’s a lie.
The detective wins the fight and knocks the killer down, and then he’s holding him down with a knee trying to cuff him as he spits his final monologue. The detective’s eyes widen, and he falters for just a millisecond before he leaves the man on the ground and begins to run.
“Can I-” Ellie’s calloused hand is on hers between them, all of a sudden, and she looks up in vague panic to meet her eyes, so brightly green and hopeful- “uh, can I kiss you?”
“What?”
Ellie’s eyes widen and she moves her hand away quickly, as if it had been a mistake after all. “I mean, uh, I- oh, fuck, I meant that I have a crush on you, not- I’m sorry, oh my god.”
What .
No fucking way.
No way .
Ellie is still rambling- “Fuck, you probably- I didn’t mean I like you just as friends…” She trails off. “I should've been clearer, I guess. No hard feelings, we can totally just forget about this if you want.”
“Yes,” Dina breathes, not registering any of Ellie’s words.
Ellie looks a little taken aback. “Okay, just- just pretend that never happened and-”
“No,” Dina stutters, “no, I- kiss me. Please kiss me.”
If Ellie looked surprised before, now she looks downright dumbfounded.
The detective is racing for his life, tearing down the halls of the abandoned factory or warehouse or who gives a shit anymore.
Ellie doesn’t move quite fast enough for Dina, so she speeds them both up. She crashes their lips together, and her mouth finds hers before even her hands can wind around her shoulders, before Ellie’s lands, trembling, on her cheek.
On screen to their side, an explosion goes off. It’s fucking poetic, Dina thinks. Everything in her life has fucking exploded but someone up there must be listening after all because, holy hell, she has this now, and this is wonderful . Ellie’s lips are so soft, and she tastes like popcorn butter, and somehow all of that feels perfect in every way.
It’s over as suddenly as it started, and Ellie is the one pulling back first, which does admittedly shoot a sharp bit of panic through Dina- she’s realizing she doesn’t want me after all, she’s going to say that’s the worst kiss she’s ever had and we’ll never be friends again, she’s going to turn because of me - but it is brief and suppressible. Jesse didn't turn, so Ellie won't either, and Ellie’s eyes are so bright, and she laughs again, knocking her forehead against Dina’s.
“About fucking time,” she mutters, very quietly, under the sound of the final scene. She dips in and kisses her again, light and fast like moth wings lighting on her lips, and pulls away fully, grinning widely. Dina mirrors her smile shyly.
“I was trying to ask you on a date tonight,” Ellie laughs. It’s a date , she had said as she left the gardens. Joel’s joke about them behaving. All of her body language and, yes, flirting, tonight. She couldn’t have made it more obvious to Dina if she’d tried.
“Fuck.” Now Dina’s laughing too- so stupid, both of them. How long had they been dancing around this? How long could they have been kissing for already? “Well, I’m glad you did.”
“You had a good date?” Ellie asks, and then her tone becomes more smug, a little teasing. “Even though you didn’t know about it until five minutes ago?” Dina just rolls her eyes and grins at her.
“Pretty good to me.”
Ellie wordlessly outstretches her arm again in invitation, and Dina briefly holds her composure before realizing she probably doesn’t have to do that anymore. She leans back into Ellie’s arms, who sighs happily and wraps her in a little tighter. The credits roll, and they sit like that until the screen goes dark, warm and still thrumming with the knowledge and energy of that kiss. It doesn’t happen again, not directly, but Ellie presses her lips to the top of her head, and Dina is secretly incredibly thankful that she’s facing away from her and thus can’t see how dark her cheeks have become.
“So, what does this…” Dina falters for a moment, taking the pale hand that had previously been resting over her stomach and fiddling with her friend's fingers. “What does it mean? For us?”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Ellie’s answer is simple and sure. “We can figure it out.” She threads her fingers through Dina’s, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "We've got time." They stay there like that, talking and sitting together, until Dina has to go home.
“Are you kicking me out?” she jokes, and Ellie rolls her eyes.
“Joel said you aren’t allowed to stay the night now that he knows I’m into you,” she snorts. “So obviously, I’m gonna need to stop telling him these things.”
Dina takes her coat, kisses Ellie one more time at the doorway in an embrace she struggles to tear herself away from, and heads down the road again to her house.
Walking back home, Dina realizes she didn’t think about Salt Lake for hours. No worries about her family and friends, no guilt for being alive. It was nice. She knows it's not gonna be over yet, that she's still gonna think about the vaccine and her sister and still have days where she doesn't feel like she deserves to breathe, but she gets the feeling that there will be breaks in the clouds, however infrequent.
Ultimately, she’s glad she went.