Chapter Text
It had been six months since Patrick had signed on as David’s business partner, making him one half of the Rose Apothecary team. It had been seven and half months since the two had gone on what David had thought (hoped) was a date.
Ray had cornered David in the cafe, mentioned his new roommate was newly out and single and the two would get along really well. And they had gotten along really well; Patrick was handsome in that clean-cut, boy next door kind of way, and that image mixed with his teasing wit had really done it for David. They’d talked for hours, closing down the cafe and taking a slow walk back to their respective homes together. David felt a spark he hadn’t felt in a long time, maybe ever.
The night ended and David wondered if that was the start of something new and good, only for Patrick to end up giving him the wrong phone number, making it impossible to follow-up. He only saw him again when he went to get his incorporation papers for the store a couple weeks later, and Patrick had acted strictly professional, even if his slight teasing and bright smile made David’s stomach flutter. Patrick had dropped off the business license a few weeks later and offered to come aboard as a business partner.
So, that was that. They were building something together, and David was trying his best to deal with his pining and heartbreak in secret. It certainly wasn’t the first time someone had given David a fake number, but it was the first time that person had still pursued any sort of platonic relationship afterwards.
Today, Patrick seemed jittery, constantly checking his phone and fidgeting with various products around the store.
“Expecting a text? Got a hot date or something?” David winced, silently berating himself for such a dumb question.
Patrick looked up at him with owlish eyes, as if surprised to see him there. “What? No. No, no date. I’m not -- nevermind. I’m waiting to hear back from Ray. I’m hoping to find a new place to live, but he was having trouble finding affordable apartments for one in the area. The closest he was able to find in my budget was in Elmdale. He was going to take another look and let me know today.”
David nodded, considering. It was probably a stupid idea, but before David could fully process just how stupid, he asked, “Would it be better if you had a roommate?”
“Well, yeah, probably, but I don’t really know a lot of people here so that’s probably out of the question.” Patrick was distracted by his phone again, a notification sounding. It was apparently not from Ray, if Patrick’s disappointed face was any indication.
“I could be your roommate.” Stupid! Why did he let that thought make its way out into the world?
At that suggestion, Patrick snapped his head up. “What? You’d… you’d wanna do that?”
David swallowed down the apprehension creeping up his throat, trying to lean into the moment. “Yeah. Sure. Why not? I hate living in the cramped little motel room with a squeaky twin bed and my sister four feet away. I can’t afford anything on my own, but… I could with a roommate.”
He was shocked at just how much he wanted Patrick to say yes. Doomed crush aside, none of David’s reasons for wanting to move out of the motel were wrong. And he could live with Patrick. Maybe he’d be messy or loud or pour his milk before his cereal and effectively kill David’s crush.
“I… yeah. That sounds… we could do that. Um, I’ll let Ray know to meet us here so he can iron out any details with you.” Patrick disappeared into the backroom to make his phone call while David tried to figure out what exactly just happened.
*******
Just after lunch, which David and Patrick closed the store down for, allowing them to share it together in the backroom, Ray came into the store, arms laden with papers and brochures.
“Hello boys! I was so excited to get Patrick’s call about you two moving in together. Such a big step!” Ray dropped his materials on the counter, knocking over part of the display of lip balms.
“Mm, well, we’ve been doing this whole thing,” David waved his arms around to indicate the store and their partnership, “for a while now, so it seems like a logical next step.”
“Yes, I agree. And I’m so glad you were a success, I can add that to testimonials for one of my other business ventures!” Ray grabbed a brochure, flipping through to show them some options in the area. “Now, personally, I think this layout is ideal, but I know many people prefer the smaller layout. Gives it a more homey feel!”
“Um, Ray, these are all one bedroom apartments.” At Patrick’s statement Ray nodded, smile still fully intact. “Right, but we were sort of looking for a two bedroom.”
Still smiling, Ray furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you planning to entertain guests? Or is someone else moving in with you?”
“What, no, we —”
“The lovebird special is really only applicable to one bedrooms, unless the couple has a child or invalid parent moving in with them. So I’m happy to show you those, but it would increase the price fairly significantly.”
Patrick looked distressed at Ray’s statement while David just stared blankly, unable to form a coherent thought. “The… I’m sorry, ‘the lovebird special?’”
“Yes, the special I have for couples looking to move in together! Isn’t that what you were looking for today?”
“I —”
“We —”
“I figured after your successful date, set up through That’s Amor-Ray, I’d hear more about your follow-ups, but I understand wanting to keep things discreet. And while I am sad to lose you as a roommate, Patrick, I am excited to have created such an enduring match!”
“Um, Ray, could you excuse us for a moment?” Patrick pulled David behind the curtain, finally snapping him out of his daze.
“I will just peruse the store while you chat! And make sure no one comes in to steal anything,” Ray shouted much louder than necessary.
“Yeah, thanks, Ray!” Patrick then lowered his voice to address David. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea this was what he had in mind.”
“Um, no, it’s fine. We can see what the price difference would be for a two bedroom, I guess.”
Patrick sighed. “David, I know how much money we both make. I’m not sure we could afford anything without some kind of discount, not based on what I’ve seen. He mentioned a discount over the phone, and I didn’t even think to press him further. He loves his two-for-one specials, so I thought it was just one of those.”
“It’s honestly fine.” David felt like he was drowning, slipping below the surface the longer this conversation took place. He couldn’t deny how much he liked the idea Ray had of them, how much he wished they were moving in together because they had just reached that phase of their relationship.
“I’ll let him know we’ll hold off for now. Maybe wait until we have a bit more saved up.”
“Or,” Patrick paused at the curtain at the word. “Or we consider it. We could get two beds or convert the office space in that one apartment to a bedroom. Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean we should pass up this opportunity.”
“Oh, yeah, right —”
“Boys, a customer is approaching! Oh, wait, they were just walking by, false alarm. But while we’re talking, have any decisions been made?”
“We can pretend. If it gets us a place, we can pretend,” David whispered, watching Patrick’s face play out multiple emotions.
David shoved past Patrick, not able to take his silence any longer. “Ray, can you show use that open floor plan with the office again?”
*******
“You’re an idiot.”
“Mm, I love spending time with you. You’re always so welcoming and kind.” David took a drag from the joint, letting the smoke swirl around in his lungs until it became too much. He exhaled and passed the joint to Stevie.
“I’m serious.” She paused, taking her own long drag. David watched the smoke escape her mouth in curling tendrils. “You can’t move in with Patrick.”
“I could handle being his roommate.”
“No, you couldn’t, but even if you could, you cannot handle being his fake live-in boyfriend. I’ve watched you both pine over each other enough over the past six months, I refuse to watch you do that while fake dating like some dumb romantic comedy.”
“He’s not pining over me. He gave me a fake number, remember? He’s too nice to just outright reject someone. But he doesn’t like me, that much is clear.”
Stevie snorted. “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that. All I know is he doesn’t look at anyone else with those loud, fond eyes.”
“He gave me the wrong number, Stevie. And then didn’t try to reach out to correct it. In my experience, that means he’s not into me. I can take the hint.”
“So now you’re just gonna live with him? Share a bed with him? Hold his hand in public so you qualify for a discount?”
“I don’t know, I never claimed it was a smart plan! I’m just so sick of that cramped motel room and my family being four feet away at all times. I want my own space. Or as close to that as I can get.”
“How long are you going to have to keep up the ruse, huh? Are you two going to have to get fake married in order to keep the place?”
“I imagine we’ll keep it up until Patrick meets someone he actually likes, and we have an ‘amicable breakup’ so he can pursue that.”
“How do you know you won’t be the one to find someone?”
David would forever blame his next words on the weed and not, as was the truth, the sincere feelings deep in his gut, “I’m probably going to be hung up on Patrick for the rest of my life, so it’s going to be him to end it.”
Stevie’s face softened, but David didn’t want her pity. He brushed off her gentle hand on his shoulder, changing the subject as quickly as he could to Alexis’s latest exploits at the vet’s office. Who knew both Rose siblings would end up secretly pining for a work colleague?
*******
“Okay, if we’re going to do this, we need to set up some ground rules.” David had just turned the store’s sign to closed as Patrick began to deal with the cash register. At David’s declaration, he looked up, confused.
“Hate to break it to you David, but we’ve been running this store together for a while now. It may be a bit late to retroactively lay out a bunch of rules.”
David rolled his eyes and made his way to stand opposite Patrick, the counter between them. “I meant our whole fake dating thing. For the apartment discount.”
“Oh, yeah. Um, about that —”
“If you’re second guessing it, that’s fine, but I’m just not sure when we’ll have another opportunity for something so spacious and so cheap. And the office seems like it could be a fairly okay bedroom. For you.”
Patrick smiled one of his upside down smiles that David loved so much. “Oh, for me. Of course.”
“Yeah, it’s just that my wardrobe is a lot bigger than yours so I will need the extra space for my knits and designer items to be properly stored.” While he wasn’t necessarily kidding, David still gave Patrick a teasing smile.
They stood like that for a moment, sharing smiles, before Patrick interrupted the silence. “Listen, David, about the whole dating thing —”
“You don’t even have to worry, I have it all figured out. Since Ray seemed to already think we’re together, I figure there’s not much we need to change about how we currently interact. I guess just amp up casual touching, maybe buy me dinner every so often. PDA is incorrect so we don’t have to worry about kissing in front of anyone. We may need to make the apartment look like we do share a room, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“You really want to do this? You really want to act like we’re dating?” Patrick’s eyes were wide, and David wanted to snap a picture so he could always remember how beautiful they are when he inevitably fucks this all up and Patrick never talks to him again.
Letting out a long sigh, David screwed his eyes shut and scrunched up his face. Eyes still closed, he responded, “I live in a tiny motel room that I share with my sister. I sleep on a twin bed that my best friend is in charge of cleaning and making, and she is too much of a menace to always do a good job. My parents live in the adjoining room which is separated by a door that has a faulty lock on good days. I know this may all seem crazy, but I’m not in a situation to be picky.”
Patrick nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’ll call Ray and set up a viewing.”
“Any ground rules you want added to the list?” David needed to make sure they were equals in this, that Patrick was not doing anything he wasn’t okay with.
The question pulled him up short. “I — um, I don’t — I’ve never fake dated anyone. I don’t know how that’s supposed to go.”
“Well, you have actually dated someone before, right?”
“I mean, yeah.”
“So anything from that that you don’t want to do with me.”
“David. I — nevermind.”
“No, tell me.”
“It’s not that there’s anything I don’t want to do. You’ve been very clear about where we stand, so you can make the rules. I’m good with whatever you’re good with.”
At that, Patrick made his way to the backroom to call Ray, leaving David perplexed. Where they stand? What did that even mean?
*******
“But what does that mean, Stevie?” David was packing up some of his clothes from the Honeymoon Suite in anticipation of his move. He and Patrick would be viewing their top choice apartment the next day and hopefully signing the papers soon after.
“I don’t know, you’d have to ask him.” Stevie began to fold a sweater wrong, making it more of a creased ball than a carely folded knit.
“Give me that.” David wrenched it from her hands, indicating the shirts that would only need to be placed in garment bags. That seemed much more her speed. “How do I ask that? ‘Hey, Patrick, you know that weird cryptic thing you said the other day while we discussed our boundaries? What did that mean?’”
“Maybe work on your wording, but that’s not too far off from the right question.” Stevie was not handling his shirts with enough care, but she wasn’t completely messing things up so David decided to let her proceed, making a note to bill her for any damages.
“Was this a bad idea?”
“Yes. I told you that.”
“No, but am I rushing this whole thing? Should I wait until something else is available, something that requires less… scheming?”
“Didn’t you say Alexis used the rest of your fancy eye cream last week, and you couldn’t ship more until next month? If you move out, that won’t happen again.”
“True.”
“And then we can put aside this weird landlord/tenant thing we have going and focus on being friends or whatever?”
“What weird thing? You think we have a weird thing? I’ve been telling people I have a friend! Stevie, have I been lying all this time?!”
“I’m kidding.”
“Good, I’m already confused about Patrick, I can’t add you to that list.”
*******
Ray had given them a tour of the apartment, ending in the office that they were hoping to convert into a second bedroom for Patrick. Or David, but probably Patrick.
Oh.
It was small. Really small.
“So as you can see, this is a great space for a small office. You could fit a desk, maybe a filing cabinet. But since you have the store, maybe it could be used as a second closet. David, I know you have many clothes, this could be a good space for them.”
“Um, Ray, we were actually hoping it would be a bigger office. Somewhere we could, um, do work for the store together without having to go in on days off or anything. Is there a place with anything bigger?” Patrick was able to find a valid excuse much quicker than David. If David had had to ask, he would have fumbled around and possibly given away the ruse immediately.
“Well, Patrick, this is the largest office space in any of the eligible apartments. I’m not sure anything will be opening up for several months, but if you’re willing to wait, I could put you on a list. The list is quite long at the moment, but some people may turn it down!”
“Can we have a minute to discuss?”
“Of course! David, you can go into the next room if you’d like. Just so Patrick and I can discuss in private.”
“I meant can David and I have a minute to discuss?”
“Oh! Yes, that does make more sense. I will be out in the living room, please take your time.”
Ray left the door ajar, which David leaned over and shut, possibly too forcefully. Patrick looked panicked, something David wasn’t used to. He was the calm one, the level-headed one, the one with a plan.
“Okay, you can’t look like that. You need to have a solution. You need to be the one to figure this out.” David waved his hands frantically, almost hitting Patrick in the face.
“I don’t know what to do, David. This can’t be a bedroom. This is barely an office.”
“We could get a sleeper sofa.” Even as he said it, he knew it was unfair to ask Patrick to sleep on a glorified futon.
“I don’t—”
“No, no. You’re a grown man, not a college sophomore. That’s not an option we should consider.”
“Um, David?” Patrick looked nervous, and his cheeks were tinged with pink.
“Yes?”
“The bedroom is big.”
“I know, but I’d really like to not sleep in a twin bed anymore. And I’m not sure two full size beds could comfortably fit in there.”
Patrick took a deep breath, as if steeling himself. “A king-sized bed could fit pretty well. With space for other furniture.”
“A king-siz— But. That’s one bed. We’d—”
“Have to share, I know. But a king is pretty big. We could make pillow partitions or get one of those ones that you can adjust the height on each side. It could work.”
“You’d be okay with that?”
“We’ve come this far. We can’t really back out now.”
“But you’re okay with that? After everything that happened after our… date? That wouldn’t be… weird?” David winced. He tried to avoid bringing up their date around Patrick, still too raw from the results.
“It… would be weird. But like I said, you make the rules.” He looked confused, as if that wasn’t the only important question to ask. As if Patrick hadn’t been the one to reject him.
*******
“Wait, you two are going to be sharing a room? Sharing a bed?” Stevie was laughing too much for David’s liking; he did not appreciate her taking such perverse glee in his hardships. “How are you going to handle that? What if you accidentally cuddle him in your sleep? I’ve shared a bed with you enough to know you turn into a koala after 2 am.”
“Ugh, Stevie, this is not funny! First he rejects me when I clearly was putting out major signals on our date, truly some of my best flirting work, but then he suggests we share a bed for an unspecified amount of time. I’m barely going to last a week before I combust. He’s probably unfairly adorable in the mornings when he’s just woken up.” David crossed his arms and slouched back on the couch in the motel lobby.
“Do you think about him when he’s just woken up a lot?” David waved a hand in a way he hoped accurately conveyed how obvious that was. “Okay, well, maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe he realized he didn’t want to reject you so he’s using this to get closer to you without having to fully admit his mistake.”
“Okay, but why wouldn’t he just tell me? And the date has been brought up twice now with no indication from him that he’s changed his mind.” David fiddled with the hem of his sweater, one of his favorites. It was large and thick, warm and soft against his skin.
The pattern was an intricate dissection of black and white lines and made him feel like he was in a custom suit of armor, crafted specifically to his tastes. He’d worn it the day after the apartment viewing in the hopes he may pull some strength from it. So far, all he’d been able to do was put off going to the store to come complain to Stevie.
Stevie turned back to her computer, a notification pulling her focus. As she clicked through, she said, “He’s probably scared he blew it or you don’t feel the same anymore or something. He could just be tiptoeing around to gauge your interest.”
“By suggesting we sleep together?!”
Stevie shrugged, still focused on her screen. “I don’t know his flirting strategy.”
“The only logical explanation is that he’s totally over me, so the point where sharing a bed with me means absolutely nothing to him. I’m not even worth his awkwardness.” David hid his face in his hands.
“You’re being too dramatic.”
“Have you met my mother?”
Even though she was looking away, David still saw her eye roll as clearly as ever. “All I’m trying to say is that you either get a great friend who’s willing to go to such insane lengths to make sure you don’t have to sleep at a motel anymore, or you get to finally be with the guy you’ve been pining for for months.”
“Okay, I take offense to pining. I have not been pining.”
“If Ted were here, he’d make some joke about a Christmas Tree lot. So you’re just lucky I’m allergic to puns.” David scowled at her. “Look, it’ll be awkward, sure. But you have a friend willing to do this for you. Doesn’t that at least mean something?”
David rearranged his thoughts, putting friendship before any sort of romantic relationship. With the context of friendship, it began to fall more into place. Before moving to Schitt’s Creek, David didn’t have a friend who’d even be willing to save him a seat when he went to the bathroom, let alone someone willing to put on a whole ruse so he could move. And sure, without him, Patrick wouldn’t be able to move either, but there was some part of David that knew Patrick was going to do this for him, at least somewhat. That realization coursed through David and he bit down a smile.
“Fine, I guess that counts for something.” Stevie smiled. “I should probably get to the store now. I can’t keep putting it off forever.”
At Stevie’s nod, David stood, internally groaning at the fact he’d have to walk all the way to the store after this conversation.