Chapter Text
It was a fine afternoon in the Duran Duran studio. Simon, John, and Nick were hard at work brainstorming ideas for their latest album, Notorious.
Like I said, it was the afternoon, which could only mean one thing: IT WAS LUNCH TIME. The three had been working all morning and Nick felt they could use a break from all their creative endeavors. And what better way than to go on a little date together at one of the many fine eating establishments of whatever-the-fuck-city-in-England-they-were-in? I didn’t fucking think so.
So, they’ve been trying to decide on where to go, and that’s where we are now.
Simon and John were sitting next to each other on the couch, while Nick was sitting at the table, thumbing through the phone book, giving out suggestions to the other two.
“I’ve heard a lot of good things about-”
“No,” John interrupted, to which Nick gave him a bitchy look.
“Well, how about-”
“No,” Simon also interrupted him. Nick huffed and kept looking through the pages.
“Wh-”
“No.” Simon and John said simultaneously, irritating their short, twinky little friend even more.
“Well, one of you fucking choose one!” Nick threw the book at them, hitting John square in his beautiful face. He didn’t care, because it was his lovely little bestie Nick who had done it.
“I don’t feel like going anywhere. Why don’t we just take something out and bring it back here to eat?” Simon said, like the lazy bastard he was. Nick rolled his eyes; he was so fucking sick of hanging out here all day, he desperately wanted to go somewhere -anywhere- else. He sat down on the couch next to Simon.
“How about John and-” the blond began, only to once again be interrupted.
“Nah, I don’t wanna go anywhere either.”
Nick’s eye twitched. He ran a hand through his hair as he weighed their options.
“Well, why don’t you guys tell me what you want and I’ll go out and bring it back here?” he sighed.
“Yeah! Great idea as always, Nicky,” Simon grinned, looking at Nick like he wanted to kiss him. “I want Domino’s.”
John looked at him like he’d just given the stupidest suggestion in the world. Because he did.
“Domino’s? No fucking way.”
“I want Domino’s! I won’t settle for anything else!”
“Domino’s is shit! They don’t serve Pepsi; you know I need Pepsi!”
“We can get you Pepsi somewhere else! I want Domino’s!”
“I don’t know. I don’t want Domino’s either,” Nick added. Simon looked at him, dejected.
“C’mon, Niiiiick!” He whined whinily. Nick rolled his eyes and sighed.
“I guess I could get you Domino’s, and then something else for John and I…” He said, defeated. He didn’t feel like arguing any more, because he just wanted to eat some lunch. Also because he was such a fucking bottom and did whatever the other two told him lol ecks dee.
Simon leaned over and gave Nick a hug, nearly snapping his twiggy little twink body in half.
“Oh, you’re the best!”
John, meanwhile, looked over at the two, clearly offended. Nick noticed his discontent and continued before John threw another hissy fit.
“And what would you like, John?”
John flipped through the phone book carefully, looking for places he knew served Pepsi, because he was that fucking insane about Pepis.
“Just pick anything. You know I can just get you a two-litre of Pepsi at the convenience mart," Nick said impatiently.
“I don’t want it in a bottle. I want it from a fountain.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, John…”
“It’s not the same, Nick!” John whined, sounding like a petulant child.
”They don’t fucking pay me enough for this shit,” Nick thought.
“Uhh, I want KFC,” John finally decided. Nick groaned; the Domino’s and KFC were on opposite sides of the goddamn city!
And John wanted it just because they serve Pepsi. What a fuckin’ wanker.
So, blah blah blah, Nick writes down what they want, then leaves the building.
two minutes later…
He headed out to the parking lot and looked for his car. Once he found it, he hopped in and tore out of the parking lot. Off to get his stupid bandmates some lunch! Awwwwwwweeee yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhh!
Unfortunately, since it was lunch time, just about everyone else in the entire goddamn city was also on their lunch break, leaving Nick trapped in traffic.
The traffic was so bad, in fact, that Nick had not moved an inch after having pulled into the street. He was rudely reminded of that fact when someone started banging on his window. When he turned to see who it was, he was confused to see Simon outside his car, looking like he needed to tell him something.
Heheh. Is there something I should know? Heheh. I’m so fucking funny. Nick thought and laughed to himself, cuz he was so fucking funny.
Another knock at the window. Whoops, Nick was so distracted by his own comedic genius he’d forgotten about Simon. He sighed and rolled the window down.
“Nick, I changed my mind! I don’t want Domino’s!”
“Okay, what do you want?” Nick asked as bitchily as he could.
“I’d like-”
Suddenly, there was a cacophony of car horns coming from behind them. Nick looked back ahead and saw the cars in front of him had started to move, leaving him to block off everyone else behind him.
“Uh…” Simon muttered as his mind went blank.
“Come on, hurry!” Nick urged.
“Um, I-I want…”
“I’m going, sorry.” Nick finally drove off, leaving Simon standing on the sidewalk.
“Nick! Nick, wait! I want McDonald’s! Get me my usual!” The older man yelled at his little manlet friend as he drove away. If Nick had heard him, he gave no indication.
As Nick drove downtown heading for Domino’s Pizza, he turned the radio on to give him something to listen to. He tuned it to the weather station.
“Today will be cloudy and miserable, and we should expect some moderate rain within the next hour or two. God save the Queen!”
It was going to rain? Great.
He turned right at the next intersection and saw the Domino’s. Thank God! He pulled into the parking lot and after putting on his secret-identity-sunglasses, he entered the building.
It was crowded; to be expected. What Nick wasn’t expecting to see was…
…was….
HIS WIFE???? Eating at fucking DOMINO’S???
Despite his expertly crafted disguise, Julie Anne recognized her husband and waved at him. In response, Nick gave her the throat-slitting gesture before turning back to the counter. Domino’s was so fucking gross, there was no way Nick could stay married to someone who enjoyed eating there. He was SO going to divorce her. At least Nick had known that Simon was enough of a fucked up moron to like this shit, but his own wife? It felt like pure fucking BETRAYAL.
But whatever. That wasn’t important right now. He made a mental note to contact the divorce lawyers later.
Nick ordered Simon’s MEDIUM PAN PIZZA WITH PEPPERONI AND OLIVES, and the cashier told him to come back in 30 minutes. 30 minutes was perfect, as he also had to drive to the other side of the planet to get John’s stupid fucking KFC. So, after blowing Julie Anne a kiss goodbye, Nick left the restaurant and began his trip to Kenfucky Fucked Chicken.
The trip was smooth and rather uneventful. The forecasted rain had started to fall, but it hardly put a damper on Nick’s mood.
Because he was in such a shitty mood there was no way he could feel any worse.
But, after about a 30 minute drive, he was there: KFC!
Nick did a really shitty parallel parking job at the front of the building and went inside.
“Hi, I need a… s-six p-piece… uh… f-fried chicken b-buh… bucket…” Nick tried to order, but the foul stench of greasy food was about to make him vomit. Luckily, he didn’t because he hadn’t eaten anything yet that day. “And a large… Pepsi…”
“Sorry, we’re out of Pepsi,” the guy behind the counter said.
“Okay, uhhh, give me a second.” Nick ran out of the restaurant to the phonebooth that was conveniently placed right outside. He dialled their recording studio’s number and hoped that John would answer.
It rang for about 30 more seconds until someone finally picked up.
“Le Bon speaking,” Simon’s voice came from the other end. It sounded like he was holding back laughter, or possibly out of breath.
“Simon, it’s me. Is John there?”
“Yeah, he’s here. Why?”
“Can I talk to him?”
“Hmm… why would you need to do that?”
“Because I need to tell him something?”
“Can’t you just tell me? He’s a bit… busy at the moment,” Simon giggled. “Tee-hee.”
“They’re out of Pepsi.”
“Hey, Johnny. Nick says they’re out of Pepsi.”
Nick could hear John yell “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” in the background. There was a shuffling sound as John presumably snatched the phone from Simon’s hands.
“No Pepsi?! Are you fucking serious?!” John yelled in his ‘no Pepsi hissy fit’ voice.
“Yes, John. I’m serious.”
“Then go to the one on the other side of town!”
Nick audibly groaned.
“Oh, come on, John. Seriously?” Nick sighed. “I’m not driving across the whole city just to get you some fucking Pepsi.”
“Nick, pleeeeese! I need Pepsi or I’ll fucking die, man!”
The phone suddenly changed hands again, and Simon spoke.
“Come on, Nick. Just get the man his damn Pepsi!”
The blond rubbed his temple and sighed.
“Fine. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
Nick hung the phone up and left the booth, returning to the building.
“Sorry about that. Forget the drink, then.”
“Sure thing,” the cashier said.
Nick waited for about five minutes until John’s chicken was ready. He took the huge bucket of disgusting greasy food and returned to his car. But, when he got there, he found that his tires had been slashed!
He almost dropped the bucket in horror and disbelief.
“Nice parking job, twat!” Some guy yelled from across the street. In a fit of blind rage, Nick took a leg of fried chicken and flung it at the guy, hitting him in the face. The guy then began running across the street towards him. Nick put the bucket on the roof of his car and prepared himself to fight.
The guy tackled him to the cold, hard pavement below and the two started throwing punches at each other. Since Nick was a shrimpy little twink, he got his ass kicked, and once the guy was finished with him, he stole the bucket of chicken and walked away, leaving Nick laying in the middle of the street in a pool of his own blood. Then, rain began to pour down upon him.
Just when he was about to lose all hope that remained, Nick heard a car driving up the street towards him.
Thank fuck. Please kill me.
The driver stopped however, and exited the car.
“Nick? You okay?”
It was… Roger?!
“Yeah. Just picking up some lunch,” Nick responded from the ground. Roger grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up with his beefy drummer arms, dragging him to the passenger’s seat.
“Where are you headed?” Roger asked as he climbed back into the driver’s seat. He gave Nick that gentle, kind smile that was just so… Roger.
“KFC,” Nick answered promptly, leaning back into the seat tiredly. “The one on the other side of town.”
“... not that one?” Roger asked, gesturing to the building across the street.
“Nah. They’re out of Pepsi.”
“Ah. John put you up to it then?”
Nick nodded in response, wiping the blood off his face. Roger started the car back up and the two drove off.
About thirty minutes later, they arrived at the other KFC. Since Roger was a much better parallel parker, he didn’t have to worry about his tires getting slashed. They went in and ordered another chicken bucket and John’s stupid fucking Pepsi, and Roger, being the darling little cherub that he was, paid for it! Oh, how Nick had missed working with Roger; he could almost kiss him!
Then, the two drove back to the Domino’s, and Nick picked up Simon’s pizza, although it was now cold. It was now around 2 PM, but Nick had finally gotten their lunch!
Roger dropped Nick off back at the studio, and gave his fellow manlet a hug goodbye.
“Thanks, man. Let’s meet again soon, okay?” Nick asked, blushing slightly as Roger held him in his big, strong arms. Ooh, Nick loved those big arms…
“Of course, if your schedule allows it, eh?” Roger joked. Nick smiled. Roger was such a fucking cinnamon roll.
They said their goodbyes and Nick went back inside the studio, lunch in hand. He opened the door to their room, and announced himself.
“Hey, I’m back! I got your…”
Simon and John looked up at him. They were sitting at the table… eating…
…KFC and McDonald’s…
“Oh, hey… Nick…” John said through a mouthful of chicken.
“Uh, we… didn’t think you… were coming back, haha…” Simon laughed nervously.
Nick calmly placed the food on the table. He realized he hadn’t even gotten any lunch for himself… and he really didn’t want to eat Domino's or KFC… he wanted to eat somewhere nice…
“Thanks anyway!” Simon suddenly chimed in again.
“Yeah, we’ll make it up to you, alright?” John added before taking a sip of Pepsi.
“Haha, yeah…” the blond laughed weakly. He walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it.
He couldn’t wait for a date with Roger…
the end