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The world had moved on and left Alec behind. Clary and Simon were together, Izzy and Meliorn….Magnus and Jace. He felt like a piece of a puzzle that no longer fit.
Alec was sitting on the sofa in Magnus’ loft, fiddling with a drink Magnus had given him before going to his office. He took a hand to the side of his neck that had held the Circle tattoo. There was still a faint scar there. He took a sip of his drink, thoughtful, as he looked out the darkened window. Jace would be back from the Institute soon.
Alec had been back a few weeks. He knew the routines. He knew Jace slept in Magnus’ bedroom while he was in the guestroom. He knew the Clave wanted to arrest him, but Magnus’ wards kept them out. He knew Jace was negotiating with them. He knew Magnus had seen Jace’s star shaped birthmark and had concluded he was in fact the last Herondale.
A lot was going on around him, affecting him. Yet Alec felt detached, aloof. He liked the freedom he had but still kept practicing with the blades. He would get angry and sad at random intervals. He missed the mental sparring matches he had had with Valentine as much as he hated him. It was confusing.
Alec had been overjoyed yet tormented by living together with the two men he loved so much. They had been patient, not addressing anything about their relationship with him or each other. But they had each other now. Magnus still kissed him, but did it mean the same?
“You ok, darling?” Magnus asked, breaking Alec’s trail of thought, coming to sit next to him on the sofa.
Alec nodded, “I’m good.”
The front door opened and Jace came home.
“Hi Alec,” Jace said warmly, nodding in greeting to Magnus who replied in kind. “Izzy sends her love. She will come by tomorrow.”
Alec nodded. He was happy to hear that, but company sounded exhausting. He forced a smile, “Ok, good.”
“Any progress with the Clave?” Magnus asked, giving Jace a welcoming kiss.
“They’re playing hardball, but they will give in,” Jace said with certainty.
“I think you should now reveal your true last name. Imogen is the Inquisitor,” Magnus reminded him.
Jace nodded thoughtfully.
“What do you think, Alec?” Jace asked, giving him a searching look.
“It may work,” Alec agreed, nodding.
“Do you want it to work?” Magnus asked insightfully.
“I want my name to be cleared but I don’t want to go back,” Alec admitted truthfully.
“What do you then want to do?” Jace asked.
“I’ve realized how important it is to change hearts and minds. I want to do that. To make a real change in the Shadow World,” Alec decided.
Magnus smiled, “I think that’s a great idea, darling.”
“Thank you,” Alec beamed.
“You’ll do great,” Jace agreed, sitting down on the other side of him. “But who’ll then be Head of the Institute?”
“Well, Imogen would surely want you,” Alec said evenly, just stating a fact.
“Not unless you will be co-head with me,” Jace replied firmly.
“Of course,” Alec readily agreed, seeing it as a way for them all to get what they wanted.
Jace grinned, “Good.”
“What were you thinking about just before?” Magnus asked, worried.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been feeling down, closed off,” Jace agreed, also looking concerned.
Alec squirmed, looking down, “I’m just getting used to things.”
Jace and Magnus shared a worried look.
“You know you can tell us anything, right?” Jace asked.
“We love you, darling,” Magnus assured him.
Alec blushed, nodding. Yes, they loved him, and he loved them. But even if they could accept his desires surely now, after having found each other, they would never reciprocate the way he wanted them to. How could he compare to them, to what they already had? Jace was like sunshine and Magnus was all glittery magic. And he was…well, him.
“Do think of him?” Jace asked softly, quietly.
Alec gave him a piercing look, “Who?”
“Valentine.”
Alec looked away, uncomfortable with being confronted with the truth, “No.”
“Yeah…I think of him too,” Jace admitted.
“I hate him. He was a psychopath,” Alec said hotly.
“He was but he also had a unique way of twisting things,” Jace replied truthfully. He paused, giving Alec a searching look as he added honestly, “I was considering going with him before you…you know. I knew who and what he was and yet till he had a certain pull.”
Hearing Jace say that made Alec feel better but only a little.
“I hate it,” Alec admitted, pained. “Him, my mother…So many in my life conditioned their praise with obedience, love with pain.”
“My father is a Prince of Hell and I hate everything he stands for,” Magnus told them both in a quiet tone.
“I’m…sorry,” Alec said, unsure what else to say.
Magnus nodded to that before he went on, “Despite that….A part of me still wants him to be proud of me.”
“Really?” Alec asked, feeling better thinking they were all in this together. It was like a secret pact or vow between them, uniting them in a way no one else would ever understand.
Magnus nodded, giving him a fond look as he hugged him.
“Thank you,” Alec said softly. When Magnus drew back, he turned to Jace and hugged him too, “Thanks for telling me.”
They shared a warm look, all feeling lighter and more connected.
“Want to watch a movie?” Jace suggested, trying to lighten the mood.
Alec nodded, “Yes.”
They selected a movie and Jace invited Alec to lean against him, his head on Jace’s shoulder. Alec smiled when Jace put an arm around his shoulders. Soon, Magnus plastered tightly against Alec's other side.
Alec beamed when his dream of watching a Mundane movie while sitting between the two men he loved came true. Maybe, with time, he would be alright….