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Geralt buried his face in Roach’s mane. The horse snorted and butted against him, he chuckled and stroked her forehead. He’d already taken off and cleaned her saddle, resting it by the bedrolls, now he was just enjoying a moment of peace with his horse before Jaskier returned from the river. He groaned as his thoughts circled back round to the bard. Jaskier was the cause of his current turmoil. The bard had been getting increasingly amorous of late. The casual touches lingered longer than usual. The winks and smiles at the audience were, more often than not, now aimed solely at Geralt, and Geralt was starting to worry. Jaskier was known to fall in love easily; too easily, and whilst Geralt knew that his friend was physically attracted to him, he’d thought that was all it was.
Now he wasn’t so sure, and Jaskier was only setting himself up for heartbreak.
It wasn’t that Geralt didn’t care for him, of course he did, they were friends. Jaskier would even call them best friends but Geralt wasn’t really sure what it meant to have a best friend, and he was worried about letting Jaskier in only to get hurt. Too many humans had left him once they saw the monster underneath, it was only a matter of time… and yet, Jaskier appeared to only be getting closer.
Geralt sighed and mounted Roach, sitting backwards on her bare back, resting his cheek on her croup. “What am I going to do, Roach?”
Roach didn’t answer. She never did, not in the way Jaskier did, he liked that about her; she listened.
“I don’t want to lose him, but keeping him like this isn’t fair.”
He hummed, closing his eyes. He wanted to love Jaskier in the way that the bard wanted, to prove that the rumours of witchers not being able to feel were fucking shit, but he’d tried before to no avail. He was never enough, his love was never enough, and Jaskier would not be the exception.
“Geralt?”
Geralt cursed and dismounted Roach, glaring at the bard who was barely concealing his laughter in the middle of the camp. “Not a word, bard.”
“Oh come now, witcher. You know me better than that! Sooo… what delightful conversation were you and darling Roach having?” Jaskier teased, putting one hand on his hip.
His teal doublet was open, revealing the dark chest hair underneath. He wasn’t… unattractive, and Geralt thought that if he wasn’t so worried about the bard’s heart, Jaskier could be good bedmate. He tore his gaze away and turned back to his horse.
“Right, yes. Ok then,” Jaskier sighed, the sound stabbing Geralt in the chest.
“Jaskier, I need… fuck,” he pinched his nose and growled.
“Geralt?”
“I. I can’t fall in love with you, with anyone.”
Jaskier frowned, a deep blush staining his cheeks, his sweet scent souring instantly and Geralt reached out to take the bard’s wrist before he could run away. Jaskier bit his lip but didn’t pull his hand from Geralt’s grip. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Didn’t want you getting hurt,” Geralt said, pleading with his eyes, hoping that Jaskier would understand.
Jaskier swallowed and nodded slowly, Geralt could see the tears in his eyes. “Right. Right. Well, ok then.”
“I’m sorry.”
Jaskier’s eyes widened, smiling sadly at Geralt. He cupped Geralt’s cheek. “Oh dear heart, no. You have nothing to be sorry for. I wish you had told me sooner, saved myself the embarrassment, but that’s not your fault.”
Geralt frowned. He was too late.
He was always too late.
“I’ll help you pack.”
Jaskier stumbled backwards, gaping, words failing him as they did whenever something offended him. “You’ll do nothing of the sort!”
“But I hurt you.”
“Unintentionally and unwillingly. I fall in love all the time, my dear, and I fall out of love just as fast. I umm… I might just need some time to lick my wounds, but… you’re my best friend and I love you, in whatever way you’ll have me.”
“Hmm.”
“Geralt?”
“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow at the uncharacteristic quiet in Jaskier’s voice.
“I’m. I’m going to be sad… about this,” he said with a wave of his hand “and I don’t want you to take it personally. I’m still here, I still love you, I’m still your friend… but…”
“I know.”
“You do?”
Geralt nodded and Jaskier sighed, scratching the back of his neck.
“And you won’t push me away?”
Geralt gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to push Jaskier away, but it wasn’t an easy thing to promise. “Try not to.”
Jaskier sighed again, he did that when he was sad, and Geralt couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret that he had caused this, no matter what Jaskier said. Jaskier plastered a fake smile on his face. “We’ll figure it out; together. It’ll be an adventure. We’re good at those!”
Geralt chuckled, pulling Jaskier into a hug, needing the reassurance that his friend was, indeed, still there. Jaskier was slower than usual at wrapping his hands around Geralt’s back but he did it, and there was a glimmer of hope, glowing beneath the surface of the water.
They would be alright, maybe not immediately but one day.