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Jay hated the smell of cigarettes. Not only did it smell awful, but the stench always stuck around no matter how many times you tried to get it out. You could wash it a hundred times and you'd still smell the smoke.
They were just plain bad for you, too. He didn't understand the appeal. How could you put something in your mouth when it smelled just like the death it gave you? It just didn't make sense.
Which is why he stared at Tim in a disgusted sort of awe as he watched him down a pack of cigarettes in record time. They were standing on the balcony of their hotel room after a long night of looking through footage. Jay had tried to fall asleep earlier, but couldn't. He was staring at the ceiling until he heard Tim get out of bed, only to find him having a smoke. He had decided to join him, though the smell in the air made him regret it somewhat.
"What's even the appeal of smoking?" Jay asked, coughing into his sleeve.
Tim didn't bother looking over at him. He only stared off into the trees, not particularly looking at anything. "Keeps my mind off of things."
"Doesn't it taste gross though?"
Tim shrugged. "You get used to it."
Jay huffed, watching as Tim blew smoke into the air once more. "Even if it does 'keep your mind off things', I don't see the appeal. It's so bad for you anyways."
Tim finally turned to Jay, and he looked like he had already had enough of Jay's blabbering. He let out a dry, humorless laugh. "It's bad for me?" He repeated, almost mockingly. "There's a lot of things in this world that are bad for me. I'm pretty sure Alex is bad for me. And whatever the hell that thing is that follows us. And all the fast food we get, the stiff hotel beds we sleep in-"
"Alright, alright, I get it," Jay said, annoyed. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Tim turned back to the outside, taking a drag of his cigarette. Jay watched the smoke fly up, stifling another cough before he eyed the box in Tim's hand. "Let me have one then."
Tim raised an eyebrow at him. "You want to have a cig?"
"Yeah. I'm already technically dying, right? Might as well add another thing to the list."
Tim squinted at him, thinking. Jay waited until Tim sighed, pulling out a cigarette to hand to Jay.
Then he paused.
It suddenly felt wrong for him to give Jay one. Like he was doing some abhorrent sin if he went through. Like he was tainting something so innocent and pure.
"What's the matter? Is the box empty?" Jay sounded impatient, to which Tim glared at him.
Jay curled up slightly at that, shutting up quickly.
Tim glanced at his box. "Have you ever even smoked before?"
Jay shrugged, kicking his feet some. "No."
"What, did you think you were just going to magically figure it out when I gave it to you?" Tim sounded almost like an annoyed, scolding parent, but he didn't care. It was stupid of Jay to want to try something like this.
"I don't know, I'd probably watch you and figure it out! What does it matter to you, anyways? Just give me the cigarette already."
Tim stared coldly, not taking his eyes off of Jay as he put the cigarette back in the box and closed it. He took his own cigarette out of his mouth, dropping it into the ground before stepping it out.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going back inside."
"What about my cigarette?"
"No."
"What do you mean, no?"
"I mean no. Just drop it, Jay."
Tim went back inside without another word. Jay stared, mouth open with a dead response hanging in the back of his throat. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at the cigarette Tim had stepped on. Tim looked so undisturbed seconds before, and then out of nowhere he pulled back. Why? Why make such a big deal about it? He decided he'd have to figure this out later. He could finally feel sleep getting to him, so he went inside and back to bed.
The next morning Jay found Tim on the balcony again, this time not smoking. He was just holding the box in his hands, pulling one out and putting it back in repeatedly.
"Tim?" Jay called. Tim made a noise of acknowledgement at him. Jay breathed out, making his way next to Tim. He eyed the cigarette box Tim dangled almost carelessly over the edge. He remembered last night, and his curiosity got the better of him. "Can I have one now?"
Tim glanced over, slightly confused until Jay glanced down at the box again and Tim followed his gaze. "I told you, no."
"Why not? I'll buy you a box myself if you're just not wanting to share."
Tim shook his head. "Not the point."
"Then what is the point?"
Tim stayed silent before pocketing the box. "Don't we need to get on the road soon?"
Jay blinked in surprise. Usually he was the one pushing to leave while Tim just followed along and asked questions if need be. But it seemed as though the roles had changed today. "Uh, yeah. We should probably start packing."
"Then lets go." Tim walked back inside, and Jay almost sat in shock at this new attitude. He followed, and Tim was grabbing their stuff and packing up. Jay helped him without a word. Maybe he was just grumpy (although Jay could argue he was always grumpy), or maybe he just felt like being stubborn and weird. He let it go for now.
Tim drove them out of the hotel, since Jay had driven them there. "Where are we going this time?"
"It's pretty far from here, about an hour out. I think we could get away with booking a few more nights than we did here."
Tim hummed, following Jay's directions.
The road they were going on mainly stayed straight, but they still kept an eye out for anyone possibly following them.
At one stoplight, Jay rubbed at his eyes before they fell to the cupholders. A cigarette box sat there, and Jay picked it up, inspecting it. He glanced over at Tim, who wasn't paying too much attention to him. He was more focused on the road.
Jay opened the box, pulling a cigarette out. He inspected that too, before going to put it up to his lips.
A hand grabbed the cigarette from his hands almost instantly and it was thrown out into the street. Jay looked over at Tim, who was scowling at him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He grabbed the box then too, closing it and chucking it in the backseat where Jay couldn't just reach over and grab it.
"What is your issue with cigarettes as of lately?" Jay asked. "Why won't you let me try one?"
"I just don't want you too. So stop trying to smoke. I won't let you have any."
"Why not? You're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do. What's wrong with even just trying one?"
Tim ran a hand through his hair with an exasperated sigh. He didn't answer him.
"Are you okay? I've never seen you with a stick so far up your ass before over something so small and insignificant. Just give me one."
That seemed to be Tim's last straw. He suddenly took a right turn onto a dirt road, stopping the car with so much force it rocked back and forth. "Yeah, well try listening to someone you care about constantly want to kill themselves even more than they already have with something that is so easily avoidable."
Jay winced at Tim's rising voice. Someone he cared about? Tim cared about him?
"What..." His words quickly became lost in his throat. He couldn't wrap his head around what Tim had just said.
"I gave up, Jay. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've gave up long ago on life. It fucking sucks. I smoke in hopes that it kills me before whatever that thing is gets to me, or at this point before Alex shoots me in the back of the head. The only thing I'm living for is death at this point.
"But you, you haven't given up. You wanna find answers, you wanna find Jessica. You have so much you want- no, need to do. So seeing you take a drag out of one of my cigarettes is like you saying you've given up. And I can't have you give up, because god dammit I can't stand to see you lose. Helping you gives me the slightest bit of hope that maybe I can do something right for once in my life before I die. So no, I won't be giving you a cigarette nor will I ever give you one. Not while I'm still living on this god forsaken earth. Understand?"
It was an outburst Jay wasn't expecting, but one that made his heart ache in so many ways. "Tim?"
"Promise me you won't smoke ever. Promise me you won't give up."
Jay swallowed hard. He wanted to cry at Tim's confession, to reassure him that there's so many other things to live for other than to help him. He wanted to tell him he'd always be by his side, that even after this was all over he'd need Tim there.
But he couldn't get the words out, and his eyes were just too dry. He nodded instead.
"Good." Tim drove back out onto the road they were going on without another word.
Jay sat back in his seat and stared out of the window. So much was going through his head at the moment, he didn't know what to focus on. But one look at Tim and he knew he'd probably get decked in the face again if he tried to bring it up, so for now he'll keep quiet. But he'd show him he cared about him too, even if it's just in the smallest of ways.