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The nightmares had started about two months ago. Along with it, his enderwalk state seemed to be slipping more often.
Ranboo, on multiple occasions, would wake up to his own yelling, and the worried shakes of Tubbo. It had been making life much harder for him, really. He can't get any sleep anymore. Not without being terrorized by his own mind.
"Was it the dream again, 'Boo?"
Ranboo shuddered, the nightmare replaying in his head.
{He ran as far as he could. Technoblade was still on his tail, rage dripping from crimson eyes, the axe Ranboo had made for him being the very thing to threaten his life.}
{Yes, truly, he had betrayed everyone he cared for. Phil wouldn't care for him now, Technoblade wanted him gone. He couldn't escape to the mainlands, he couldn't even go to Snowchester to Tubbo, or to Kinoko Kingdom.}
{There was nobody there for him, not after what he did.}
{And yet, he doesn't even know what he did.}
{He knows he hurt Michael. But he doesn't even know what else he has done.}
{He hadn't seen Tommy in a bit, he thinks, as he's cornered into a wall.}
{Technoblade glares him down, and suddenly everyone is there, staring him down. Niki, Sam, Fundy, Ghostbur, Phil, Techno… everybody. Tubbo stood in front, face stained with tears.}
{The flood drops under him, and he falls into a tank of water. Ranboo tries to cry out, but he only painfully inhales water. He can feel his skin start to bubble, and on the other side of the glass, he sees a husk of a person he once knew.}
{Tubbo watches him with empty eyes, the compassion once held in them cold and gone. Cold like the arctic he once thought he could live in, gone like his hope for a better life.}
{He opens his mouth, and despite the water that tries to fill his lungs, he screams.}
Gently, Ranboo nods, feeling the burn of long gone tears on his cheeks. The pain feels more and more real everytime.
"Oh, I'm so sorry… let's go downstairs. I'll make you some cocoa. You don't need to go back to bed."
Ranboo just nods gently in response, the small poke of horns familiar against his chest as Tubbo affectionately headbutts him gently. He ruffles up the boy's hair in response, standing carefully, following Tubbo downstairs to the kitchen.
Ranboo didn't want to sleep anymore. Theoretically, he didn't need sleep, as a half enderman half something. Endermen didn't sleep, there was no need for them to, like most other mobs. It had been a whole month now, and the nightmare had grown into so much more. But without sleep, he didn't have to experience any part of it. Perfect solution!
{Ranboo drowned.}
{He respawns, but not in his house. Not in the comfort of his and Tubbo's room.}
{He's in the woods.}
{'Ranboo, Ranboo, Ranboo..' a familiar voice coos at him. He swivels around, and is met with Dream's mask, broken and worn from time.}
{'You failed your job! You know the promise we made. You owed me. And you failed! Even when under my control, you failed me. Now you have nobody but me.' Dream smiled under his mask, and Ranboo knew it.}
{Ranboo backed away, falling back against a tree, curling up. His hair is roughly pulled to meet Dream's mask, but the terror in his body keeps him rooted in place.}
{He can taste blood. Ranboo had blacked out maybe three times total. Finally, he was left on his own, to live with the fact he only had one life left, and he had betrayed everyone he'd ever cared for. He had lost the one thing that helped him remember who he held close.}
{What would he do if he forgot his whole life he had just lived?}
{Where would he go?}
{Why?}
{WhywhywhywhywhywhYWHYWHY W-}
(He woke up with a heaving gasp, and had to cry on Tubbo that night.)
|•|~|•|~|•|~|•|
He was a week in. In every sense of the word, he was exhausted. But the fear of feeling that pain and hurt again drove him. He thought he could see things in the corners of his eyes, but it was always nothing.
The paranoia also helped keep him up.
He was wandering through the mainlands, just walking to keep himself awake, despite the burning in his calves. The sun had already begun setting.
Of course, Tubbo wasn't aware of Ranboo's stunt. Every day, while it wasn't really a lie, he had told Tubbo he'd be working late, and would join Tubbo to rest later.
When he never did, Tubbo would assume he fell asleep in his office.
Ranboo would just pretend to be awoken, but really, he was wide awake.
Well, wide was an overstatement. He was constantly making sure to be a little uncomfortable so he wouldn't fall asleep.
But this? This was.. well, pretty bad. Not as bad as feeling that again, but it obviously wasn't good.
He had developed bags under his eyes, the glow of them now just a dull sparkle.
Honestly, he was in poor shape. He prayed not to come across Puffy, or Sam, or Phil. Those three would hover over him, make him sleep, go back to that place. That nightmare.
He couldn't go back. Three months ago they started, and that was too long to go through hell for.
He had made it so far, too. A week! A whole week!
And then he saw big TommyInnit down the prime path. Tommy was very observant, more than people give him credit for, and very asky- that being said, Ranboo was praying that Tommy would be unusual and leave Ranboo alone.
Of course, though, he absolutely was not going to be unusual.
"Ranboo! What's up big man?" He called, running down the path to meet up with the taller hybrid.
"Uh, I'm good, I'm good. What about you?" Ranboo shakily responded, avoiding looking at Tommy directly. The lie was bitter on his tongue.
"I'm doing great. You look like shit, you know," Tommy absently commented, looking across Ranboo's face. "More shit than usual."
"Ow, thanks for letting me know," Ranboo looked down to Tommy, frowning slightly, despite being slightly amused.
"Mmh. Just saying, man, you don't seem 'good'."
"Right, well, I am, so let's just drop it," Ranboo snipped back, to both boys' surprise. "I.. sorry, Tommy, I've not been with it lately." Well, it wasn't a lie, but not totally truthful. He had been terrified, paranoia and anxiety eating away at him.
"Are you sure you're okay, man?" Tommy had a sincerity in his voice he hadn't heard before.
Ranboo almost cracked. He couldn't go back, he couldn't. He just couldn't. He didn't want to feel his skin burn again, he didn't want to risk not waking up after the water, he didn't want to risk seeing that damned mask mocking him as Dream's hand kept a grip on his hair, delivering a final kick to his curled up body. He couldn't handle seeing himself beaten away, to be punished for not following Dream's rules in his own nightmare. If he went there again, he might lose his mind.
God, please don't make him go back there.
When he visibly falters at the question, Tommy knows it's time to drop his big persona, and time to be a good friend.
Ranboo sighs shakily. "I- I'm fine Tommy. I told you. Drop it."
"Fuckin' liar. You haven't slept, have you?"
Ranboo sighs again in defeat. He's got him there.
These last two days he hasn't even been around Tubbo, just saying he was busy. He didn't want Tubbo to see him falling apart. Ranboo didn't really have a plan for this, to hide it.
God, his bones were tired, though.
"I, uhm.. no, not really," Ranboo mumbled.
"How long?" Tommy interrogated further.
"What?"
"How long haven't you slept?"
"I think it's been a week now," Ranboo didn't know why he was now being honest. He lied to Tubbo with now problem. Well, absolutely there was a problem, for he was horribly guilty about it, but still. He had started speaking without thinking.
"Ranboo.. why?"
"It's.. it's a long story, really, I wouldn't want to bother you with it,"
"Well, I have nothing but time, big man. C'mon," Tommy walked off the path, going to a tree in a clearing, sitting next to it. Ranboo followed, and sat against the tree.
"What's the matter, man?" Tommy asked again.
And this time Ranboo is too tired to lie. The lies he'd said that week alone spiraled in his head and made his stomach not.
So, he started to talk.
|•|~|•|~|•|~|•|
Tommy sighed, leaning against Ranboo, gently grounding both the boys in the present moment.
Ranboo nodded. "That's why I haven't slept. Tommy, I'm scared. Petrified. Paranoid. I don't.. I don't want to go back there. It's been so hard but... I just can't go back there."
Tommy nodded.
"I understand that, but you seem like you're not even living. I get nightmares too, but… still gotta sleep, don't I?" Tommy asked rhetorically, to which Ranboo nodded to. "Let's get Tubbo down here. We're gonna get you to sleep."
"But.. but what if I go back?"
"Then we'll be here when you wake up. We're friends. I'm gonna be here for you, and so is Tubbo."
Ranboo nodded, sitting down against a tree as Tommy pulled out his communicator, messaging Tubbo. Gently, Ranboo closed his eyes. He couldn't quite fall asleep yet, but his bones ached and his eyelids felt heavy like a stack of bricks.
Tommy sat next to Ranboo, gently leaning on his shoulder. A silent way to say that he's there for Ranboo, and a gentle reminder that they are in the present. They are here. They are in the calm of the dream smp, they are safe and in the moment.
Not long after Tubbo joined them, Tubbo leaned on Ranboo's other side. Gently, Ranboo wrapped his thin tail around Tubbo's torso, kind of like a hug, as the prior messed with his unkempt curls, normally some form of neat but now springing in every which direction.
At the moment, he can't help it. Tubbo's hands were combing through Ranboo's hair, Tommy and Tubbo on either side of him. Leaned against the tree, he could feel the final warmth of the sunset dip down, down, down, below the wraps of his reach.
Gently, his vision slips into darkness, and if a low enderman rumble escaped from under his breath, nobody mentioned it.
For the first time three in months, the first time that week, he'd fallen asleep feeling safe, protected.
That next morning, Ranboo woke up on his side, a pillow under his head, a blanket over him, Tommy, and Tubbo. He realizes he had an armful of Tubbo, as well. Vaguely, he could tell Tommy was curled against his back. Essentially, he was sandwiched between two of his closest friends, and he was pretty okay with that.
The blanket had little sheep on them, the pillows were green. Tubbo and Tommy both got pillows as well.
In front of his vision, there was a basket of food with a note on it. He couldn't read it, but it was signed by Puffy and Sam, he could tell.
The sun had risen, it had been up for a while it seems. He didn't know what time it was, but he slept in late for sure. Who was he to wake up Tubbo or Tommy either, when they both seemed so at peace?
For the first time in a while, he saw Tommy content, not anxious or being bigger than life.
For the first time in a while, Ranboo didn't see a worried crease in Tubbo's face, just calm.
Despite life on the SMP, there was a calm. Ranboo wanted to live in that moment, drinking it in like water after spending a week in a desert.
Eventually, he heard Tommy grumble from behind him, making Tubbo grumble and stretch in response.
Tubbo's long hair was a mess. Ranboo could only assume the same of his curls, that were left un-tended to and, for at least a month, not even pulled up into probably the messiest bun you'd ever seen. He had stopped for a while.
"Morning, you two," Ranboo mumbled, his voice low, still dripping with sleep.
"Morning," Tubbo sleepily replied.
"Fuck off," Tommy, in typical Tommy fashion, replied. Ranboo just laughed a little.
"When did we get blankets and pillows?" Tubbo asked after he sat up, Ranboo followed suit.
"We didn't. I'm assuming Puffy and Sam set us up, going off the basket over there," Ranboo vaguely gestured to it, to which Tubbo grabbed it, looking through the food in it. Tommy grabbed the note and read it.
"'Saw you three asleep against the tree and thought you'd appreciate some comfort so you wouldn't freeze overnight. Hope you three slept well! Left you guys some breakfast for when you wake.' Sam and Puffy signed it, huh," Tommy nodded, putting it to the side, pulling his blanket up further and looking to the basket. The boy had already pulled away from the other two, sitting separately from Tubbo or Ranboo.
"They have sweet berries in here, bread, cooked potatoes, carrots, and cookies. Probably all made by Puffy," Tubbo looked through the basket, handing the berries and potatoes to Ranboo (who not only loved sweet berries but also discovered a love for potatoes since Techno could cook with them so well.)
Tubbo separated the bread evenly between the three, handing Tommy the chicken, and then dividing the cookies between the three as well.
It was then when Ranboo realized that he hadn't had a nightmare that night. It probably wouldn't be like that for ever, but for today, he wouldn't mind just having a lazy day with the boys. No building, no worrying over powerful people, nothing like that. Today was just a day for him and his friends.
They all seemed to like that thought.
Yeah, this was alright.