Work Text:
You knock on Dirk's door, bouncing on your heels while you wait for him to respond. It's after midnight but you know he's still awake based on the light coming from under the door.
"It's not locked, you can come in."
You open the door. Dirk's sitting at his desk so you plop down onto his bed. "I'm so bored. Nobody's online! It's not even that late."
"Don't know what to tell you. Everyone must have suddenly decided to have a life."
You pout. "We have lives."
"Not right now, apparently." He spins around in his chair. "Also. You don't have to knock all the time, you know. I appreciate it but it's okay if you just come in sometimes. I lock the door if I don't want anyone in here."
"You sure?"
He nods. "Yeah. Sometimes I have my headphones in and don't know you're knocking until you message me asking if everything is okay or Dave barges in saying you're looking for me."
"If you're sure!"
"I'm sure."
---
The first time you don't knock on Dirk's door (like you have been doing consistently for years because you are hells polite and respectful), you are punished in one of the worst ways imaginable.
Okay. Maybe not that bad, but. No, it's pretty bad.
You don't technically live in the house anymore but you still have a key and an open invitation to come back whenever you want. You have friends whose parents made their bedrooms into offices or game rooms or guest rooms the second they moved out, but your room is still just Your Room. Mom already has an office and a game room and a guest room but you kind of think even if she didn't, she'd still leave all your rooms alone. Rose lives completely on the other side of the country from the rest of you and her room is still perfectly intact as well.
You were over at Latula's but she had to go to work, so you figure you'll pop in and say hi to your family.
You don't message anyone to let them know you're coming over because why would you? You can get in by yourself and if nobody is home right now you can just hang out in your room until someone shows up. More fun than hanging out with Latula's mom. Way more fun.
Someone is home, though. You see Dirk's car outside but not Dave's or Mom's. It's still pretty early so Mom is probably at work and Dave should still be at class. You're excited to see Dirk is home, though. He's been hanging out with Equius a lot and you've been busy too and you haven't seen him as much as you'd like to ever since you moved out.
"Hello?" you call out when you step into the house. The living room lights are on but the only one occupying the room is your family's newest cat, Albion. He immediately comes running when he sees you and starts rubbing up against your leg. "Oh hey, you. Where's everyone else, hm?"
You pick Albion up and kiss his sweet little nose. "You the only one chillin’ down here?" He meows in response. "Ah, I see. Dirk is probably being a hermit in his room, yeah? And the other kitties aren't hanging out with you, so mean!"
You hear a crash and a yowl from the kitchen as if one of the cats is deadset on arguing with you. Still carrying Albion, you go into the kitchen to find Dr. Meowgon Spengler on the top shelf of the open pantry. A bag of rice is tipped over, spilling all over the other shelves and the floor. The poor cat appears to think he is stuck up there. He makes the saddest of meows when he sees you and reaches out a paw as if asking you to save him. You laugh and rush to help him down. "What did you do, hm? None of this is for you!"
The cats keep trying to eat the rice so you go lock them in the bathroom for a few minutes while you clean everything up.
You don't see Dirk but you're not that surprised. It's a big house, even if he had his door open and no headphones on or anything, it's possible he might not have heard you coming in or any sounds from the kitchen. He'll definitely think it's funny when you tell him about the kitty shenanigans, though.
You free the two cats and head upstairs. You stop by Dave's room first to say hello to Mutie. "I knew you'd be in here." You give her some scritches and then leave her to go back to her favorite pastime of napping on Dave's bed and getting hair all over his pillows.
You glance in Rose’s room and find no kitties in there. You don’t linger. You swear she can somehow tell if you’ve been in there, even from all the way over in Oregon.
You quickly make your way down the hallway and shove Dirk's door open. "Dirk, you won't believe what Dr. Speng- OH MY GOD."
"Fuck!" Dirk shouts. In a flash, he's falling off his bed, tangled in a sheet he's most likely grabbed to cover himself because he is completely fucking naked.
Equius is equally COMPLETELY FUCKING NAKED but he does not cover himself. Correction, he can't cover himself because he is HANDCUFFED TO THE BED.
Your hands fly up to cover your eyes. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"
"Shit, I didn't know you were home. I forgot to lock the door."
"Um. A little help here, if you could?" You hear the sound of handcuffs rattling and oh wait you should probably just close the fucking door.
You keep one hand over your eyes and slam the door shut.
"I'm sorry!" you yell again as you rush down the hallway. "I'm leaving, I'm sorry!"
You hear Dirk say something but you can't make out what it is and you don't go back to check because yeah no. Nope. You're not going back in there.
You fire off a quick text to Dave as you get in your car. You don't wait for a response. He better see it because you are heading over for some quality college campus times with him.
---
--timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
TT: Fuck, did you leave?
TT: Your car is gone, you left.
TT: You can come back everything is completely G-rated now it's so G-rated it's fucking.
TT: The Princess Bride.
TT: No wait that's PG.
TT: Actually, you know what. We're probably more PG-13. I don't think you can say fuck in G movies. But we are only PG-13 for the cussing and nothing else.
TT: Everyone is clothed.
TT: Shit.
TT: I'm sorry.
TT: Message me when you can.
--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
--centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
CT: D --> Ro%y. Everyone is decent now if you would like to come back
CT: D --> Dirk is very sorry for not locking the door
CT: D --> If we'd realized you were at the house obviously we wouldn't have been
CT: D --> Doing what we were doing
CT: D --> Please message me or Dirk at your earliest convenience
CT: D --> He is very worried
--centaursTesticle [CT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--
--timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--
TT: Is Roxy with you?
TT: Or has she messaged you at all?
TG: oh yeah she said shes heading over to campus for some sickass campus hangouts
TG: dont really know why shes so jazzed about that but who am i to argue i was gonna stay over here anyway
TG: shes probably driving if shes not responding to you or whatever she is way better at the not texting and driving than i am so much more self control than me
TT: I think you are one of the only people in the world you would readily admit to having less self-control than Roxy.
TG: she has a surprising amount of it dude dont talk shit
TT: You're right.
TT: Not the point. When she gets there can you tell her to message me?
TG: yeah sure
TG: everything ok?
TT: Yeah. We're just working on a project that needs to be finished soon and I have a question about it.
TG: ah cool
TG: work talk fun
TG: ill let her know when she gets here
TT: Thanks.
TG: no pasa nada dude
--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--
---
Karkat still hasn't had his birthday yet and won't let you get him a fake ID (you already got him one if he ever changes his mind, though) and also he kind of just doesn't like to go out, so you stop by the liquor store on the way over to campus. You're assuming Dave is going to want to hang out at his place but you're also totally ready if that's not the plan. But that's usually the plan.
You can see that Dirk and Equius have both messaged you but holy shit you do not want to deal with that right now.
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--
TG: youre not outta class yet right
TG: yeah im not done for another hour
TG: is karkat done
TG: yeah he should be home just message him
TG: hell ya
TG: oh yeah also dirk wants you to message him too
TG: right cool thnx
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
TG: katkar my love im coming over
CG: WHAT, RIGHT NOW?
TG: did davey not tell u lol wow here i am all prepared for some sweet hangouts with my fav person and u arent even ready :(
CG: NO, HE TOLD ME. THAT WAS JUST FAST, I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU YET. GIVE ME ANOTHER 10 MINUTES!
TG: what u gotta hide ur porn lol
CG: NO!
TG: bc its already hidden or
CG: I DON'T KEEP PORN LAYING AROUND! MY PLACE IS JUST MESSY AND I WASN'T EXPECTING PEOPLE OVER TODAY!
TG: aw shit im sorry i dont have to come there
TG: wait is dave not people lol
CG: NO, YOU CAN. AND NO HE’S NOT. JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE TIME TO CLEAN UP THIS SHITHOLE I CALL A DORM. I'M ALMOST DONE.
TG: haha ok ill just go grab some snacks or somethin lemme kno when ur ready
CG: I WILL.
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
You eye Dirk's chat window for a second before marking yourself as offline. You haven't read his messages yet but you're pretty sure he's got to be mad at you. You should have knocked! You know he said you didn't have to but he probably only meant that when he knew you were at the house! You feel a little bad for ignoring him and Equius but you do not want to deal with this right now.
You run over to a mini-mart by campus and grab a bunch of junk food and some hard ciders for good measure.
Karkat texts you that he's ready while you're still at the store so you head over to his dorm as soon as you're done.
---
--centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
CT: D --> Is Ro%y currently with you?
CG: YES? SHE'S AT MY PLACE.
CT: D --> Tell her to message me or Dirk as soon as possible
CG: RIGHT. NO PLEASE OR ANYTHING. GOT IT. I'M JUST A MESSAGING SERVICE FOR ALL YOU ASSHOLES EVEN THOUGH YOU ALL HAVE THE SAME ACTUAL MESSAGING SERVICE
CT: D --> It's important and she has not been responding
CT: D --> Please
CG: JESUS. I'M NOT ACTUALLY MAD. I'LL LET HER KNOW.
CT: D --> Much obliged
CG: YOU CAN JUST SAY THANK YOU.
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME I GUESS.
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]--
---
You are being ridiculous. You know you're being ridiculous. Karkat has asked you to message Equius, Dave has asked you to message Dirk.
You have done neither of those things. You may be ridiculous but you think you’re a little justified in this. This is even worse than the time Terezi texted you to tell you that she was home and could totally hear you and Latula. At least she didn’t see anything (no pun intended).
What have you done? Taken a fuckton of shots while playing the Failure to Launch drinking game.
(It's a game you made up when Karkat said he wanted to watch Failure to Launch. You're very innovative and great at thinking on your feet.)
"I'm pretty sure this drinking game has too many rules and we're all going to get alcohol poisoning before we're done."
"Better turn the movie off then, babe."
"Oh shut the fuck up, no."
There is yet another reference to boats. There are so many references to boats. There's a lot of boats! You take a drink. Karkat took the bottle of vodka after your first five shots and you have been told to just sip at this blackberry cider thing you bought.
"Matthew McConaughey is a Scorpio," you say, apropos of nothing.
"Yeah and he's way less of a fucking shithead than some other Scorpios we know," Karkat responds.
"Vriska." You nod. "Vriska is a jerk. She's fun sometimes, though."
"Yeah, I guess."
"You just think Matthew McConaughey is hot, dude. Maybe he's an asshole and you're blinded by thirst."
"Must be why I like you too."
You start laughing so hard you snort cider up your nose. It burns a little but that absolutely does not stop the laughter. Karkat turns about as red as he is capable of turning. Dave has had like three drinks so he's already flushed as hell but you can tell he's embarrassed too. "You two are killin’ me."
Your phone goes off for the millionth time this evening and. Ugh. You should respond.
"Are you mad at Dirk or something?" Dave asks. "Is something wrong?"
"No!" you respond far too loudly. "I'm not mad at him. Does he think I'm mad at him?"
"Well you're not responding to him apparently? About uh. His questions about some project you're working on?"
It takes you a moment to realize that is probably just a thing Dirk told Dave so he didn't have to tell Dave what actually happened because oh god telling Dave what happened would be more embarrassing than you actually walking in on him in the first place. "I'll message him now. I'm not mad at him! Tell him I'm not mad at him."
"Okay?"
Dave and Karkat continue doing their Dave and Karkat things (saying weird shit about Matthew McConaughey lol) but you sadly must ignore them so you can message Dirk.
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]--
TG: dir im so osrry ogm im not mad at you ur mad at me im sorry
TG: *dirk *sorry *omg
TT: I'm not mad at you either, Roxy.
TT: Are you alright?
TG: drinksin game im winnin
TG: *drinkin
TT: I see.
TT: Maybe we should talk when you're sober.
TG: no
TT: No?
TG: ily im sorry
TG: :(
TT: I'm really not mad at you.
TT: I know it's hard to believe, but embarrassment is apparently an emotion I am capable of feeling.
TT: I'm the one who told you that you didn't have to knock and I'm the one who forgot to lock the door.
TG: wo u embarassment
TG: *wow *embarrassed
TG: lol assed
TG: im sorry
TT: Well. I think we've established that neither of us is mad so we can just try to move past this I guess.
TG: can we plz
TT: Definitely.
TT: Have fun with Dave and Karkat.
TG: katkat thinks matthwe mcaoguherg;o is hot lol
TG: *matthew im not purtending i can spell
TG: *pretending
TT: Fascinating. Does he really or is Dave making that up?
TG: both probs
TT: Pft.
TT: Goodnight you weirdos.
TG: night <33##3333
TG: tell quius sry
TG: *equius
TT: He says it's all good, don't worry about it.
TG: he diudnt say is all good lol
TG: *didn't
TT: Not in so many words but that is the basic gist.
TG: lol ok
--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]--
You are very glad Dirk and Equius aren't mad but you have absolutely zero desire to continue thinking about this entire clusterfuck.
"Davey."
"Yeah?"
"Are you drunk?"
"I don't think so?"
"You should be. I love Drunk Dave."
"More than you love Regular Dave?"
"I love all the Daves, they are all great. Many hugs for all of them."
Dave laughs. "Yeah, alright."
"If you actually keep playing this drinking game, you're going to be drunk any minute now. The bird is back."
"Oh shit." Dave steals the bottle of vodka that Karkat is clutching in his fist. He takes a chug that you're pretty sure is more than a shot but who are you to judge?
"That's way more than a shot, knock it off." Karkat grabs the bottle and also takes a swig from it. A much more reasonable swig.
You finish your drink and go to the fridge to grab another one.
---
You wake up the next afternoon. You're in Karkat's bed, which is right by the window. You don't know why you didn't choose the couch, which is away from the window, and also is a better choice for a single person and not two people but who are you to judge your past actions?
You sit up to close the blinds. Dave and Karkat are still sound asleep, snuggled up close together on the couch under about a million blankets.
You pull your own million blankets up over your face and go back to sleep.
You wake up again later to someone shaking your shoulder.
"Hm?"
"We gotta go to Mom's, it's pizza night."
"You mean SIMP'N."
Dave laughs. "I don't mean that at all. I can drive your car if you're not feelin’ up to it."
Dave does end up driving your car, with Karkat trailing close behind in Dave's car. You take some aspirin and antacids before you all leave, then spend the ride chugging Gatorade and doing your make up and by the time you get to Mom's house, you're feeling mostly alright.
Which is good because Mom immediately attacks you with hugs when you get to the house.
"You don't visit enough," she tells you.
"I was here yesterday but you were at work!" You’re also here at least once a week but. You know.
"Aw, why didn't you stick around?"
The reasons you didn't stick around are lurking in the house somewhere but you don't say that. "Was movie night with Dave and Karkat. Very important."
"You three can have movie nights here, you know. Isn't your dorm a little small, Karkat?"
"Like you wouldn't believe."
"It's not that bad!" You slide away from Mom and leave Dave and Karkat to get some love.
Equius is still here (not that you thought he wouldn't be) and even though you don't think you can look him in the eye right now, Mutie is perched upon his shoulder and it is so fucking cute you forget all about any embarrassing incidents for a moment. "Aw, I see you made a friend Equius."
"Cats are rather fond of me, I've noticed."
"That's good because there are like a million here."
"How many, exactly? I don't think I've ever seen more than two or three in one place at the same time."
"Y’know? It's honestly a mystery. I think they multiply in the basement or something when we're not looking." You don't have to look Equius in the eye to take cute pics of him and Mutie so that is a win, honestly.
Dirk comes out from. Wherever the hell he was and holds out his hand for a fist bump. You don't have to look him in the eye to do that either! You are doing great.
Mom is still fawning over Karkat as if Dave doesn't have him over all the time but Dave makes his way over to where the three of you are standing as well. "You three done being weird?"
"We weren't being weird," you and Dirk say in perfect unison. Equius did not quite get the memo but his, "Nothing's weird," is acceptable anyway. Altogether very convincing that nothing is weird. Just business as usual here.
"Uh-huh." Dave rolls his eyes and gives Mutie (who is still sitting happy as a clam on Equius' shoulder) a pat.
Dinner is fine. Mom just ordered pizza for this (super important magnificent) pizza night so there's no cooking to be done by anyone. You are an extremely chatty family so if there are any awkward lulls from you, Dirk, or Equius, it's not like anyone notices. Or at least it’s not like they say anything.
You'll get over it eventually. Everyone always says you're overdramatic anyway. Dirk and Equius will also get over it eventually. Nobody ever says either of them is overdramatic but you really think Dirk is and that it's unfair you've been saddled with this reputation when he is Right There.
You end up spending the night because eh. Why did you move so far away? Dirk and Equius head out to Equius' place after spending a good five minutes insisting it's not because of you and they'd be leaving even if you weren't spending the night and you're so amused by it all that you think yeah, any lingering embarrassment is probably gonna be gone soon.
(The next time you come over, you text Dirk before you get to the house. Just to be on the safe side.)