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“I thought you couldn’t be any more of a fuck up” the deep voice said
Atsushi shivered
“But you just had to present as an omega.. a male omega.. a whore, that’s all you’ll ever be”
The deep voice kept yelling at him, calling him a whore, a slut, scum
Atsushi couldn’t take it anymore, he started believing those things
“Yes.. I am a whore.. I’d be better off dead..” Atsushi said as tears streamed down his face
But at that moment the sound of worried voices awoke him
When Atsushi opened his eyes he was met with the confused and worried looks of his boyfriends crowded around him
“Atsushi, kitten? Are you ok?” Dazai asked immediately, obviously concerned
Atsushi sat up and only now noticed that he was crying
“Ah- I don’t know..” he said, he truly wasn’t sure, it was just a dream so why did he feel so awful?
“You had a nightmare, you cried and talked in your sleep..” Akutagawa wiped his tears away
“You are obviously shaken up, do you want chamomile tea?” Chuuya asked as he patted his head
“Yeah.. please..I don’t think I can go back to bed..” Atsushi said quietly
They all got up and went to the living room while Chuuya made tea, on the way there Atsushi caught sight of the hour on the wall clock, it was 3am
“It’s 3am.. I’m sorry to have woken you all up at this time..” Atsushi felt guilty for inconveniencing his mates
“It’s ok, it isn’t a bother” Dazai reassured Atsushi and kissed his forehead
“Plus, we are all used to being awake at ungodly hours” Akutagawa sat beside the two detectives
“Yeah, being a mafioso will do that to you” Chuuya joked loudly from the kitchen, earning soft giggles from the other three
After a while of cuddling and reassuring a shaken up omega, Chuuya came over with 4 cups of tea
“Now, would you like to tell us about your nightmare or do you just wanna be cuddled and lulled back to sleep?” Chuuya asked as he took a sip of his tea
Atsushi thought for a while. Did he wanna tell them? He really didn’t wanna bother them and reliving those memories would be painful.. but he had to get over them eventually.. reluctantly, he began speaking
“I’ve been having a reoccurring dream.. it’s more of a memory actually..” Atsushi paused and Dazai held his slightly trembling hand
“It’s about the orphanage.. about my old headmaster.. and about.. when I presented as an omega...” Atsushi looked up slightly and caught Chuuya’s gaze who gave him a sad but warm smile and encouraged him to keep talking
“When I presented as an omega, it obviously wasn’t very well received.. I was a boy after all, now a boy that could get pregnant and went into heat..” Atsushi let out a shaky breath and Akutagawa rubbed his forehead on the crook of his neck, scenting him and making him feel a bit more at ease
“I still remember my first heat.. they had locked me in a cage with nothing more than a bowl of water and a piece of bread.. I was in horrible pain, crying and screaming for help but they just watched me suffer and said things like ‘this is what you deserve, you are a dirty whore, a bitch that just wants to be bred, you’d be better off dead’... I was 15 and I had never been educated on anything so I believed them.. I just thought I was dirty and disgusting..” The omega was crying now, years and years of pent up pain and trauma letting themselves show
Dazai hugged Atsushi and the other too did the same, caressing him and holding him for as long as the omega needed, Atsushi cried on Dazai’s chest to his heart’s content and it took about 10 minutes of solid crying for Atsushi to calm down
He breathed heavily and slowly pulled away from Dazai
“I.. haven’t cried like that since Ryuu almost died..” they all chuckled lightly at that
“Well, how do you feel?” Chuuya asked stroking his omega’s hair
“Better.. so much better” Atsushi said in between sniffles and hugged Dazai again “Was I the only one.. that had trouble coming to terms with their secondary gender?” He asked softly, Atsushi knew this was dangerous territory, none of their pasts where particularly good but he still wanted to know, to feel less alone
“Ryuu had some trouble.. didn’t you?” Dazai said, Akutagawa looked at him worried, did they really wanna go there? Dazai just smiled sadly and nodded
Akutagawa sighed “yeah.. I.. had a hard time accepting that I was an omega.. made me feel.. weak..” He looked away
“Mostly my fault.. wasn’t it?” Dazai said and both Chuuya and Akutagawa looked at him sadly
“It wasn’t all your fault..” Akutagawa said “Mostly though” Dazai replied
Atsushi was curious now, they barely talked about Akutagawa’s and Dazai’s relationship in port mafia, he knew that Dazai was awful back then but he wanted to know more
“What do you mean?” Atsushi asked
“I.. hurt him.. badly and made him think that because he was an omega, he was weak, only useful for being bred...” Dazai said all that looking at the ceiling, he wanted to own up to his mistakes but it was hard, he was afraid they’d all see him for the monster that he is and leave him
“Yeah.. it was hard.. for a while, I believed you.. I believed you even after you’d left Port Mafia.. but then I had a bit of help..” Akutagawa said and looked over at Chuuya
“Heh, let me tell you, it was a headache trying to get a sad abandoned puppy to forget everything his master taught him” Chuuya hit Dazai lightly and Dazai chuckled
“You did a pretty good job.. considering.. how much I broke him..” Dazai said sadly
“You know who got him to finally accept himself though? It wasn’t me” Chuuya said
“Who was it?” Asked Atsushi, curious and surprised that this conversation was even taking place
“The boss” Akutagawa said simply
“Wha- Mori sensei??? I didn’t take him for the therapist type..” Atsushi said surprised
Dazai chuckled “I bet he felt partly responsible for what I did”
“How did he help you?” Atsushi asked the fellow omega
“For a while no one aside from executives knew his secondary gender, cuz he used patches and medication to mask his scent. One day he called me over to his office, he talked to me for a while and at the end asked me if I thought he was weak, obviously I said no and his response was ‘Then if I’m not weak, you can’t be weak for being an omega’ and then his scent hit me. That’s how I learned the boss was an omega, since then I didn’t feel so bad about my secondary gender” Akutagawa said and smiled lightly
“Just out of curiosity.. what does your boss smell like??” Atsushi asked
“Strawberry Shortcake” the other three said in unison and chuckled
“What?! I half expected him to hate the scent of bleach-“ Atsushi said amused
“Well.. no one expected the demon protege to smell of chocolate either” Akutagwa said in between giggles
“Or the mafia’s rabid dog to smell like vanilla” Chuuya said as he smiled
“Why are there so many sweet scents in the mafia?” Atsushi chuckled
“It smells like a bakery in headquarters, you’d never guess they kill people for a living” Dazai laughed and the other three laughed along with him, Atsushi wondered, how did they end up joking like this after such a serious talk? Well, he wasn’t sure how but he wasn’t mad about it, he felt so much better
They cuddled and talked a bit more before Atsushi took notice of the time
“Ah! It’s 4:15 in the morning! We should go to bed..” Atsushi said
“Good thing it’s our day off” Chuuya yawned
They all got up and made their way to the room except Akutagawa that stayed to wash the cups in the sink, while he was doing that Dazai came into the kitchen
“You didn’t tell him half of what I did to you... why?” Dazai asked looking at his mate
“Because it doesn’t matter” Akutagawa said simply as he finished washing the dishes and drying his hands
“It does.. I hurt you.. so bad that you are still suffering because of it..” Dazai looked down, not daring to look the omega in the eyes
“Osamu, look at me” Akutagawa cupped Dazai’s cheek and he did as he was told
“Yes.. it’s true that I was hurt.. but you where just a traumatized kid that knew no better.. I’ve long since forgiven you.. there’s nothing left to apologize for...” Akutagawa kissed Dazai, a light soft and sweet kiss
“You are better, a much much better person.. and you know what? I think Oda-san would be proud of you..” Akutagawa finished and watched as tears fell from his boyfriend’s eyes, he hugged him and let him cry, Dazai didn’t cry often so when he did, they would let him cry for as long as he had to
“I love you..” Dazai said
“I know.. I love you too..” Akutagawa responded softly and kissed him again “now let’s go, it’s been a long night..”
Akutagawa wiped away Dazai’s tears and they went to the room with the other two
“Good night kisses are in order” Atsushi says when he sees the other two walk in the room
“Of course kitten” Chuuya smiled as he softly kissed him “you two, come get your kisses!” He said to the omega and the alpha
Dazai and Akutagwa made their way to Chuuya and each got a loving kiss, then they moved on to kissing Atsushi and finally kissed each other
They all got tucked in and cuddled till they fell asleep
This time Atsushi had a nice dream, he was with his boyfriends, they where on a date, a cafe it seemed, Chuuya and Dazai playfully arguing, Akutagawa laughing lightly at them and Atsushi felt happy, as he usually did with his mates. Maybe he could convince them to go on a date when they woke up, it’s not very often their schedules align after all. But until he woke up, he could just enjoy their little date, here in the realm of dreams.