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Leo would always calm Nico from the nightmares he would have every night, but tonight it was different.
For tonight, it was Leo who was screaming in his sleep, very loud and very freightened. "Mama! Mama, lo siento! lo sien-" and he was sobbing in between his yells, all of this while he was asleep. This time though, Nico only knew what to do because it was like this every night.
Nico wakes once the screaming starts. He immediately puts his arms around Leo's chest and soothes him to stop. He whispers what he hoped was reassuring words to Leo because Nico wasn't really good at the comforting thing either.
It takes a while for Leo to calm down. He had stopped screaming although there were still tears flowing. It was painful to watch really. But there Nico was, rubbing Leo's back while Leo leans into him more.
When his sobs grew quiter, Leo forces himself out of Nico's arms and out their room, into the kitchen of their small apartment. Nico follows after and watches a half awake Leo Valdez run around the kitchen, grabbing the pot and pouring the water and adding the hot chocolate mix. Nico just sits quietly at the table watching him because it's like this every night.
Once the hot chocolate is done, Leo grabs the pot without using oven mits because he doesn't care about the heat. He pours the contents of the pot into two cups, placing the cups almost too forcefully on the table. Nico isn't stirred by it. But he does take his glass and holds it even if it's still hot for he doesn't care about the heat as well. Nico hesitantly takes a sip and pauses. His hot chocolate tastes like shit.
"This tastes like shit" Nico voices out. Leo had already drunk half of his cup but he nods anyway, saying, "I know it tastes like shit". He then proceeds to down the rest of his cup. Nico internally sighs and drinks his hot chocolate despite the shitty taste.
They're silent for a while, but it's like that every night. Leo forcing himself to breathe and Nico breathing normally. Nico hates this because it should be Nico who forces himself to breathe and Leo who breathes normally. But not tonight.
After a couple of minutes, Nico's shit tasting hot chocolate is finished. Leo's fingers are tracing over his cup like he's trying to memorize the thing and Nico stays quiet because he knows Leo wants to talk.
And he does.
"When I was four," Leo mumbles "my mom gives me my first screwdriver. It was the best day of my life. Know why?" Nico shakes his head. "Because the screwdriver she gave me was special. It was her's. She used it to fix anything anywhere. She could even use it as a hammer for fucks sake.
And so she gives this special screwdriver to me. Then she tells me, 'one day, mi hijo, you'll be using this screwdriver to fix anything'" Leo's voice cracks a bit and he's not looking at Nico as he stops to wipe his eyes. Nico, however, was staring at him the whole time he was talking, silent but listening. He was taking in every single word.
It's at this point where, Nico realizes, Leo's voice sounds just like his when he talks about his life at three AM after drinking hot chocolate. Nico hates this realization.
Leo continues his story anyhow. "Of course, being the fuckup that I am, I loose the screwdriver the next day. I tell my mom but she just fucking smiles at me and tells me 'it's alright' and that 'we always have more screwdrivers' but she didnt realize how much that one screwdriver meant to me." Leo's eyebrows scrunch up like he's mad, but only at himself. "Because it was her's. And because she could fix absolutely anything with it. And that now, I can't fix absolutely anything because I lost the damn thing right after she gave it to me-"
It's a defeaning sound when Leo's glass hits the floor. Nico's startled but knows it's an accident. Because right after it breaks Leo's picking up the shards of the broken glass and whispering "shit shit i didnt mean it shit".
Nico kneels to pick up some of the pieces of the now broken glass cup and throws them in the trash. Leo doesn't move from his spot on the floor, the rest of the shards still in his hands, his eyes looked glazed over but he's not looking at Nico.
Nico waits for him to get up and throw the pieces away, but he doesn't move. Instead, stares at the pieces intently, like its telling him a message. "I'm just.." his voice is so soft and monotoned its like he's speaking to himself. But Nico's listening. "I'm just. Useless. Aren't I? I'm a nuisance to everyone, especially-" and Leo's fingers start to tighten around the pieces so hard his skin starts to bleed a little.
Nico forcibly takes the pieces away from him and throws them in the trash. Nico also really wants to forcibly throw Leo into the trash because only Nico di Angelo is allowed to speak words like that. not Leo Valdez. Never Leo Valdez.
Because Leo Valdez is suppose to be this happy-go-lucky guy but is also the most annoying person ever. He's suppose to be the guy who says corny jokes at wrong times when no one wants to hear corny jokes. He's suppose to be the guy that tries his very best to make everyone else around him happy even when he himself is not happy. He's suppose to be the guy Nico despises and is envious of because Nico can't always smile like Leo can. Because Leo doesn't have to take anti-depressants and Nico has to. Because Leo doesn't want to dissapear from the world and Nico does.
The person before nico right now was not Leo Valdez. Nico might as well have been staring at a mirror. Because this happens every night.
Only every night it would be Nico whispering that he was useless and a nuisance and Leo trying to tell him he's not. And yet there they were, on a night that was different from usual, playing the other's role.
The two were still on the floor, but Nico hugs Leo tightly and firmly tells him, "Please don't think that, please don't think that. You are not useless, please don't ever think that." He buries his head in Leo's shoulder and tries his best to make Leo listen because he owes him all those times Leo had soothed him of his negative thoughts and words.
"You don't understand how much you have helped me. How much you mean to me. You really don't. So please, please don't think that you're useless, because I've never been better. I've never felt so much better until you came into my life." And Leo asks softly in his ear if he really means it. Nico nods and hugs him tighter. Leo hugs him back just as tight.
Leo had told Nico about his mom once but it was never half awake after a nightmare. Even then, Nico had felt jealous that Leo could get over his mom's death and Nico struggles with death everyday. The first time they had met, even though Nico hated his easily made smile, he had thought Leo would be able to push him out of the boundaries of his melancholic world and make him see the beauty of things like he does. And after a year, after all the times they've been together, Nico finally has. Even if every night his burdens are his own nightmares, Leo would be there for him.
Nico thinks then and there that he and Leo are not too equal but not too different either. He thinks that he should return what Leo had given to him.
The two kiss softly before deciding to go back to bed. It's at this point, Nico thinks his hot chocolate didn't really taste as shitty as he thought.