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changbin was dreading the new project for his major, it was the final project too, not something he can get over with in two weeks. no, this project would take the entire spring semester. he had to make an album.
by itself, it sounds magical, this has always been his dream. to make music, be popular, famous, and be happy with himself.
he was happy when he was making music.
then, it came to the problem. it was a group project. changbin, was not a people person. he didn't want to do this, he didn't want to socialize. he had been like this since he was a boy, people had done nothing but hurt him, so he didn't pay attention to them.
"mr. seo, i'd appreciate if you were listening while i call out the partners." his professor, mr. kang, said sharply, tapping his hand on the desk.
"sorry, sir." changbin grumbled looking at the professor, hearing snickers around him.
"now that i have all of your attention, i will start to read off the groups. they will be split into three, i have made them based off your indivdual works. to start, kim soyeon, lee juri, and yang jaeli..."
changbin zoned out as the man continued to list off the names, crossing his fingers that he didn't get stuck with a hyper kid, he already had wooyoung, he only had wooyoung, and that was really pushing it.
"...seo changbin, han jisung, and bang chan.." changbin was relived when he wasn't the only of the three boys who groaned in exaspiration, although it seemed to be for different reasons.
"mr. bang, mr. han, hurry up and sit next mr. seo." professor kang sighed, watching the two giggling boys stumble and walk over.
the boys sat on the left side of changbin, whispering to each other jokingly. changbin was taking everything in him to not scream at the two. oh was wooyoung going to love this. how was he going to explain his stupid roommate to these idiots.
"hey, hey, bud- you there?" the one boy called jokingly, waving his hand in changbin's face.
"wave your hand in my face again, see what happens." changbin growled, snapping his neck towards the two boys, watching as the smaller one flinched back.
"watch what you say to him." the bigger one said back, grabbing the smaller's hand softly.
"look, sorry for being so mean to your little boyfriend or whatever, i don't like this whole partner bullshit. just give me a time and place to start planning." changbin sighed, running a hand through his hair.
both boys loosened at the statement, "after class? we were going to go to channie-hyungs studio afterwards..." the small one stated, lighting up as he spoke.
"i have a tattoo session....you know what, here's my number, text me the address i'll stop by afterwards, you're musicians i assume there will be no issue if its a little late." changbin shook his head, taking out a piece of paper and scribbling his number down.
"o-okay. can i ask what you're getting?" chan said, there was ten more minutes until class ended.
"its just this stupid little friendship tattoo, with my stupid idiot friend." changbin explained, a soft smile on his face.
"what is it?" jisung piped up curiously.
"its a dragon, in red ink, mine will go down my back and end at my hips, his is a sleeve tat." changbin explained, and as if on key, his phone rang with the ringtone wooyoung had set. "look, i got to go, see you later i guess." changbin sighed, answering the phone and standing up.
"changbin, i just saw you, you, seo changbin, talking to someone. what happened? are you really changbin? are my gorgeous eyes deciving me? the seo changb-" wooyoung exclaimed loudly, changbin could hear wooyoung's boyfriends, san and yeosang laughing in the background.
"jung wooyoung shut the hell up." changbin grumbled, wooyoung himself was pushing it, his seven (7) boyfriends were making him teeter, and now he had those two idiots to deal with for 6 months! 6 months.
"tell me everything!" wooyoung squealed, changbin could see him, jumping up and down across the grass.
"idiot, turn around." changbin sighed, hanging up the phone.
wooyoung and changbin were in the same tattoo room, their tattoo artists joining into the banter, minhyuck and eunkwang were closer to the two boys than their parents, all of btob tattoo parlor was.
"so you're telling me, that changbin-ah here, has to constantly work with and talk to two boys he doesn't know and isnt related to any of us in any way for 6 months?" changsub asked from where he was sat watching. this was rare, unless changin had known them since pre-third grade, he didn't talk to them.
"mhm, their first meeting is after this, i bet san ten bucks he'll get shirtless to seem intimidating." wooyoung commented, making changbin lightly lift his arm and to flip the other off.
"hey! i am not going to get shirtless unless one of them get stabbed or something." changbin groaned, rolling his eyes as eunkwang kept doing the dragon down his back, they were both almost done.
"sungjae is going to love this." minhyuk laughed, the mentioned was in the army right now but would be getting out soon.
"ah yes, father sungjae. binnie and i were planning on visiting him and hyunsik-hyung soon." wooyoung commented, minhyuck wiping down his tattoo.
"good, he misses you two. when donggeun and i visited three weeks ago they were livid that it was us, again." changsub chuckled, grabbing saran wrap and medical tape for the tattoo artists.
"before we leave, since wooyoung has been gossiping about me the entire session, why don't you tell them about last weekend, that little date you had." changbin grumbled, hearing whines of protests from his best friend.
"ah, ah, ah, complain to the hyungs, not me, i have places to be." changbin smirked, throwing a loose shirt over his shoulders and grabbing his phone and notebook.
"ji, seo texted he's on the way." chan said to the boy who was currently writing lyrics.
jisung and chan have known each other for a little over 6 years, becoming best friends over that period of time, and collecting 5 other hooligans along the way. the two were like a little family, all seven of them were, but jisung and chan, they were a bit different.
"he's scary, hyung." jisung whined, looking up from his notebook sadly.
"i know, sung. but like he said, he doesn't do this whole partner thing. let's-let's just give him a chance, okay?" chan comforted, grabbing his phone to text felix for help on how to make jisung less scared.
he was met with five people banging on the studio door asking who hurt one half of the sunshine twins. what else did he expect, honestly?
"oh my god, he's on his way here right now, and now i have you five monsters to deal with too." chan groaned, laughing as seungmin and minho sent him pointed glares.
"i do not give a shit hyung. jisung is scared. we stay." felix stated, wrapping jisung tightly in his arms, planting a soft kiss on the crown of the latters head.
just as chan was going to retort that he was perfectly capable of keeping jisung safe and protected, there was a knock on the studio door.
chan got up and walked over to the door opening it and peeking his head out.
there stood changbin, loose gray tee-shirt tucked into black cargo pants, a black beanie on his head, pushing his hair into his face, and round specs on the bridge of his nose.
"are you going to let me in or not?" changbin grumbled lowly, what the fuck did chan think he was doing.
"yeah-yeah sorry, let me kick our friends out really fast." chan stuttered, opening the door wider, to the sight of jisung being suffocated by the other boys.
"not leaving." seungmin growled, scanning changbin up and down.
"go." chan stated, standing in a mother like fashion.
"no. we are not leaving, hyung." jeongin piped up from behind jisung and minho.
"they're worse than woo's boyfriends." changbin mumbled to himself, inviting himself into the room, throwing his bag down on the ground, waiting for chan to follow.
"what are you waiting for, bang? it's obvious they aren't leaving. let's just start working i have places to be." changbin said, looking at chan as he spoke, he was the shortest there, he always was, but he seemed to be the most intimidating.
"okay," chan sighed, sitting down in his chair, grabbing one for changbin, "let's get started, show me what you got."
"okay, this is my song cypher." changbin stated.
and that's how the night started, chan and changbin bouncing ideas off each other for a beat, jisung scribbling down lyrics that they could use for whatever concept they decide, and the other five, sleeping soundly on the tiny little couch in the corner.
in the midst of their conversation, changbin recevied a call from eunkwang. immediatley worried, he apologized and answered the phone.
"hyung?" changbin called, watching as chan and jisung talked to each other about ideas.
"bin, it's-it's bad." eunkwang stated, voice hesitant, "i got wooyoung out but i don't know what to do about you..."
"hyung, what are you talking about? what's happening?" changbin was internally panicking, but had learned how to keep on his mean demeanor.
"your parents are back. they-they told the landlord you and woo were illegally living in their apartment, because it's still under their name. wooyoung is staying with hongjoong, but i don't know what to do with you..." eunkwang explained sadly, wooyoung and changbin's parents weren't the best people in the world to say the least.
"i'll stay at the homeless shelter, hyung, i've done it before. don't worry, keep wooyoung safe for me." changbin stated, not noticing chan and jisung snapping their heads at the mention of the homeless shelter.
"changbin-" eunkwang started to protest.
"look hyung, i got to go. see you later." changbin said, hanging up on the elder and putting his phone on silent.
"what are you looking at?" he growled at the two other boys, grabbing his notebook out of his bag.
"nothing. we want your opinion on this piece..." chan stated.
it had been a week since the trio started working together, meeting almost every single night. and much to chan and jisung's suprise, changbin hadn't changed a bit. he had the same rude and hates everybody attitude that he always did, he always thanked them politely for the food, but still used formalitlies in his language.
the only thing that hadn't changed were his clothes.
it had been a week since changbin had been kicked out the apartment that he payed for, and started living at the homeless shelter. wooyoung and his btob family were trying everything to get him to move in with them, let them help him.
that's the thing though, changbin didn't like help. he did everything by himself. he had known wooyoung and btob tattoo parlor members, all his life, they were the only people he even somewhat trusted, but he wouldn't except their help.
it was a friday, they were working at chan's studio again. their friends, who changbin had somewhat learned the names of, stopped by at 8 pm every night to drop off food.
and though changbin would never show it, he was grateful. because he couldn't afford to get himself food, all of his savings had been used to pay rent before his parents came home, and his work wouldn't hire him if he was homeless. they didn't get him food because they knew the situation, they got him food because he was hungry.
"so we finished the first song for the album and have the start of four more. the requirment is nine songs so i'd say we're making good progress." chan smiled widely, things went a lot faster with jisung and changbin than just him, or just him and jisung.
"so once we get all nine songs done, we will record them, edit the tone if needed, and prepare the rest of the album bits, like cover, album name, group name, etc." changbin added lowly, glancing at the two boys next to him.
"yep, i'm gonna run to the lobby real quick, you two need anything?" jisung asked, standing up and grabbing his phone.
"a water please, sungie." chan smiled up at the youngest.
"i'm fine, jisung." changbin said as well, face still stone cold.
once jisung had left the door, chan turned to changbin. "hey, changbin?" chan called.
"yes, chan?" changbin cocked his head to the song, usually in these awkward breaks they went on their phones, not talk.
"jisung-ah, he's...how do i put this....he's concerned for you." chan said, shocking changbin whos jaw slowly dropped open.
"why would he be concerned for me?" changbin asked, swiftly returning back to his normal strong presence.
"he said it's because you wear the same clothes everyday, and you never laugh or smile. i don't know, i've tried explaining to him that it's probably just how you are, but his anxiety is getting the best of him." chan explained, eyes with a look of, worry almost. it confused changbin, no one has done that in a long time. worry about him without knowing him.
"i am quite alright, chan." changbin shook his head, this was weird. this isn't how this went, he was supposed to get screamed at to get his act together, he was supposed to apologize profusely as someone kicked or hit him. he wasn't supposed to...he wasn't supposed to be cared about.
"then act like it." chan said, turning towards the door as jisung started to open the door.
it was driving him insane as he walked to the homeless shelter that night. of course he knew that btob and wooyoung cared about him, but this was different, no one has cared about him if they didn't know him before his family went to shit.
how could someone care about him? worry about him? it was insane, it didn't make sense.
"get it together, changbin. they're just going to hurt you again if you let them in...they're just faking it. they don't care about you." he mumbled to himself sadly.
"wooyoung is leaving you for his dreams. your practical parents are busy with their own lives to care about a 19-year-old that doesn't have a home or a real family." he reminded himself again, eyes tearing up, stopping in front of the run down shelter.
"hey, are you coming in or not, doors close like now." a staff member grumbled, staring at the messy boy in front of them.
"no. no jus-just-just thinking." changbin said, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and turning around.
"hey kid, don't forget you're bag." the staff member called, startling the boy.
"thanks." changbin stated, leaning down and picking up the bag.
he started walking to the bridge. ever since he was little he would go to the bridge when he didn't know what to do. during their prime of friendship, wooyoung would go with him. the two of them would sit on the ledge and talk. sometimes they would stay until dawn, only being brought back from hyunsik driving to work, spotting them.
but then, wooyoung started seeing his boyfriends. changbin was so happy for his best friend, they lived together, they gossiped together. they cried together.
wooyoung did that with his boyfriends now.
and changbin was alone.
he finally reached the bridge, dropping his bag on the road as he climbed on the railing of the bridge and looked down, the water was flowing strongly, lights twinkling in the reflection. he watched as cars drove by paying him no mind.
he wondered what the water felt like, how it would feel to let the water run over his body cold and smooth, the water slowly indulging in his lungs with all the empty space meant to be full of air, slowly collasping in on themself.
maybe in the cold water he would finally be happy. a soft smile curled onto his face as he thought about how it would feel to be happy, without a care in the world. he thought about it more and more, eyes closing, imagining the peace and quiet he would get. no more regrets, no more fights with his parents.
no more being worthless.
he felt a car drive by slowly. cursing at himself for not getting it over with before some idiot with a hero complex decided to save him. act like he had a purpose here, that he was worth something when he knew he wasn't.
yet part of him didn't take those last few moments to lean forward towards his happiness, but he didn't know why.
the car stopped, he felt a presence join his side. it felt warm and comforting, it reminded him of eunkwang, like this person could take care of him. he and the presence stayed there in silence for a minute, or two.
changbin slowly climbed off of the railing when he realized the pressence wasn't going to let him complete his wish. he finally looked over to who had joined him. doubling over when he realized who it was.
"ba-bang chan?"he stuttered, mouth open.
"changbin?" chan questioned, worry lacing his words.
"i didn't know it was you." changbin stated, grabbing his bag and throwing it around his shoulder.
"i didn't know you were going through stuff like this. i understand. it's hard." chan stated, eyeing the younger softly.
"it's fine." changbin shook his head softly, chan didn't need to know about his problems. he'd just leave again.
"do you have a place i can take you home?" chan asked. it confused changbin that chan seemed to worry about him.
"i'll be fine by myself." changbin insisted, face as cold as always.
"no. no. just, let me take you home." chan said, smile light on his face.
changbin stayed silent, staring at the ground. this was wrong, only like seven people care about him, and he wasn't even sure he still had them any more. chan was just another trap to get his heart broke.
"you...you don't have a home, do you?" chan hit the realization, and changbin sunk, biting his lip to hold back tears.
he had always been fine he didn't have a house. but chan was write, he didn't have a home either. that little family of seven were his home, but things are changing, wooyoung has a new home now, btob's home is so close to finally being back to normal...and now it was just changbin.
"stay with me, jeongin, and minho for the night." chan said, eyes soft as he approached the younger.
"i couldn't do that, i couldn't intrude on your home." changbin insisted, looking up at chan with begging eyes.
"please, changbin, i don't want you to be alone tonight." chan stated, leaning down to be height level with the boy who at some time had sunk to his knees.
"chan, please, i can't-i can't be the one who fucks everything up again." changbin whispered, voice cracking and tears rolling down his face. he felt weak and pathetic. and that's what he was convinced he was, weak and pathetic.
"changbin, you're going to fuck a lot shit more up if you leave then if you come home with me. i know how it feels. i know that you want that happiness, that peace. but please, just come home with me." chan begged, his own eyes watering. this all felt so familiar, because minho had said the same thing to him that night jisung panicked that his hyung was gone.
changbin stayed silent, shakily standing up and grabbing his bag, walking over to the parked car and waiting by the door.
"thank you, changbin."
the duo quietly entered the house at aproximately 4 am. both stumbling as they took of their shoes and wandered into the kitchen.
"water?" chan offered, getting himself a glass. changbin shook his head, he didn't want to feel the water running down his throat, it would be too much right now.
"okay. here, let me run and grab you the extra pj's we keep for the boys." chan smiled, setting his glass down and scampering down the hallway.
changbin looked down at his arms while he waited, to the blind eye you couldn't see the white lines scattering his tan skin, but he noticed. wooyoung was the one who stopped him that night, he had been okay for a long time after that.
but then it all came crashing down.
"hyung? what are you doing here?" jeongin questioned, waddling into the kitchen tiredly.
"don't worry about it, jeongin. what are you doing up?" changbin asked, face in its regular resting bitch face.
"i got up to piss and noticed the kitchen light was on, i figured that it was channie-hyung or minho-hyung so i was gonna beg them to cuddle me." the younger stated nonchalantly, grabbing himself a glass and pulling milk out of the fridge.
"oh. chan should be back soon. i'm sure he would cuddle you." changbin smiled awkwardly, he had noticed the amount of skinship between the group the first day but it still surprised him every time.
"here, have some milk, hyung. you look more down then usual, my momma always said a nice cup of milk makes it a little better." jeongin smiled, placing a glass full of milk in front of changbin.
"i'm off to go cuddle minho, see you later, hyung." he added, waddling back out of the kitchen.
chan walked back in soon after with a pair of pink plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt. "i'm sorry it's pink, i haven't done laundry." he apologized.
"no worries, where is the bathroom? so i can go change." changbin asked lightly, chan lit up, it was the lightest he had ever heard changbin's voice.
changbin soon came back out, wearing the pink pajama pants but no shirt. "the shirts too small." he commented, handing it back to chan who was very obviously staring at the smaller male's body.
"o-okay, i can go find one of mine if you-" chan started, being cut off by changbin who had turned around to drink his milk.
"don't worry. i sleep shirtless most of the time anyway." changbin said, a soft smirk on his lips before falling back down to his resting face.
"okay, the couch is all yours, i have two blankets and two pillows by it, the kids all have different preferences so i wasn't sure." chan stated, guiding changbin to said couch.
the next morning, changbin was woken up by a heavy weight flopping onto his chest. he grunted loudly, trying to reach around for wherever the hell his glasses were.
"who is on me? fucking asshole can't a homeless bastard get a little sleep around here. get the hell off." changbin groaned rolling over and pushing the occupiant of his chest on the ground.
"wait- what the fuck? this is not the funeral home? who the hell are you? where the fuck am i? is this a couch? what is this place? i am still blind-i swear to god if that bratty little kid stole them again-" changbin started ranting, paying no mind to the three boys laughing around him.
"changbin- changbin shut the hell up." minho giggled, leaning down to the boy on the couch and placing his glasses on his nose.
"holy shit- wait did i fuck my group partners best friend? please god know thats how wooyoung met san....whats happening?" changbin questioned looking around, noticing jeongin on the ground, laughing hysterically.
"i found you at the bridge last night, you didn't have a place to say so i made you come home with me." chan explained, glancing down at the boy over the couch.
"oh. i'm so sorry, i probably over stayed my welcome, i-i'll leave right now." changbin said, looking around frantically, grabbing his shirt from his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.
"changbin. you aren't going anywhere." chan smiled, softly touching the youngers shoulder, the latter flinching harshly.
"i-i-i really should go, i must have caused trouble...its all i always do." changbin mumbled the last bit to hisself.
"at least stay for breakfast, i'll drive you over to the studio to meet with jisung." chan insisted, helping jeongin off the floor and shooing him and minho to get pancakes. "besides, after i found you last night, i don't want you alone."
"look, chan, i don't do this whole other people caring about me thing. i'm alone, always will be." changbin shook his head, voice low.
"what about wooyoung? your hyungs you talk to all the time?" chan asked softly, and changbin felt weird. why was changbin caring about him.
"they have people more important to them than me. they're my family, but they have their own too. so it's just me, that's how it always has been. don't worry about it hyung." changbin spoke, and he froze at the end. he called chan hyung, he was getting attached again.
"i don't really care, to be honest. because i was in the exact same place, so yes, i am going to worry about it." chan smiled, grabbing changbin's hand and pulling them both up. "come on, eat."
changbin was silent on the ride to the studio. he was scared, because he hasn't felt cared for in a long time. even wooyoung and his hyungs were starting to fade away, he knew they cared, just as much as he cares about them. but he didn't belong the same way they did.
"that's how i met minho. jisung was making new friends and i was depressed, so depressed, i thought i could never get better. so i left, i went to the bridge, and i sat for a while. thinking...and then i was going to do it, that was it, jisung came home with his friend minho, he wanted him to meet me. he was freaking out that i was gone when he came home, minho sent jisung to seungmin and felix's, and then minho came to find me. i felt like someone cared about me again. i refused to believe it, that someone would care about a person like me. but then i did, and i'm happier than i ever have been." chan stated, tears softly running down his face, "let us care about you changbin. because we don't know a fucking thing about you but jisung is so worried every time you show up. so let us get to know you, let us care about you,"
"and don't leave us." chan finished his statement, pulling into the parking lot.
"okay." changbin said hesitantley, maybe this whole group project won't be that bad.