Archive of Our Own

May 5, 2021

Never in his life has Liam been this nervous. His hands are so sweaty that he fears the phone might slip from his fingers. His heartbeat is so loud in his own ears that he barely hears the beeping of the connection being made. A part of him wants to tap that red button, bury himself under the sheets in his bed and give up on the whole idea. The other part - the stronger part, apparently - really wants to do this. 

“Liam! Hello!” 

Liam’s heart actually skips a beat. There he is, right on the screen Liam’s holding in his hand, with a smile as bright as the sun itself: Theo. 

Liam barely gets out a hello in return. His voice sounds hoarse and high-pitched. Embarrassing. 

“It’s so great to see you,” Theo tells him, which is ironic, because Theo and his big green eyes that smile even while his mouth is busy speaking, Theo and his purposefully tousled, really soft-looking hair, Theo and the beard he’s grown since the last time they saw each other, Theo and his smile, this damn, out-of-the-world kind of smile, Theo and his face, that’s a truly glorious sight and Liam is the one to enjoy it.

Liam has to force his eyes to never rest on one of his many favorite details of Theo’s face for too long so he can focus on their conversation. They briefly give each other all the important updates from their lives, tell each other hi from their moms, have some chit-chat. 

“You’re probably calling about Pride,” Theo finally says. And there’s Liam’s opening. 

Indeed, he’s calling about Pride. Kind of. Pride, and Theo. Although they’re not really two entirely separable things. Not in Liam’s life. 

“I think we can both agree that last year sucked.” Liam begins his monologue in exactly the way he’s been practicing it in front of the mirror. 

Theo nods. “Literally the worst year of my life. Don’t get me wrong, staying home and staying safe was the only choice in the middle of a pandemic, but going through that whole year of hell without you? That was rough.” 

Liam wipes his palm on his pants. Is his heart suddenly in his throat? “I’ve been thinking,” he says, “and I definitely don’t want to miss out on it again this year. You’re fully vaccinated, but I’m not. We still shouldn’t be out in the world like nothing’s wrong.” 

“I hate people who do that,” Theo mutters. “Sorry. Go on.” 

Liam takes a deep breath. “I know this is not how we usually do it, but simply due to the circumstances, I’ve been thinking I’d like to invite you here.” 

For two seconds, Theo just blinks at him. 

“You mean, to your home?” 

Liam’s cheeks feel so hot they must be red as tomatoes. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “I mean, if you want to. I mean, if that’s not weird to you. I mean, we can wait until the world is back to normal and take our usual trip, it’s whatever.”

Liam has always had a feeling that Theo would be the death of him one day, he just never imagined it being like this: shame and regret sucking the will to live out of him while Theo simply stares. 

Admittedly, he’s being dramatic. Shame and regret stop sucking at him literally the second the corner of Theo’s mouth twitches and his lips curl into a smile again. Liam quickly tells his heart to stop breaking, get its shit together. It was all just a false alarm. Theo is smiling. Life is good.

“I’d love to come visit you.” 

Theo has never not looked breathtakingly beautiful, but Liam could swear that he’s at his most beautiful as those words leave his mouth. 

“Really?” It seems stupid to give Theo this opportunity to change his mind, but a part of Liam’s brain is so genuinely surprised that it just slips out. 

“Yeah, really,” Theo nods, which should be calming Liam’s pulse, but somehow doesn’t. “Listen, Liam, I’m technically still at work, or work is still here, I guess, so we’re going to have to make more detailed plans some other time, but it was nice seeing and hearing you, and I’m excited.”

“Don’t let me keep you from working. Talk to you soon. Bye.” 

Theo’s waving hand freezes on Liam’s phone and just a second later he’s gone. Liam slowly puts his phone down and gets up from his seat at the table, not knowing what to do with his shaky hands and his glowing cheeks and all those tingly feelings everywhere inside him. Ultimately, he lets himself fall face first on top of his bed, where he gets to bury his grin inside his pillow and scream out a little bit of relief and a whole lot of joy. 

In only a couple of weeks, he’ll be seeing Theo again for the first time in two years. And this time, for the first time ever, they won’t be at a holiday resort, or a hotel room in some big city, or any rented room with barely enough space to unpack their suitcases for the duration of their stay. This time, they’ll be together in a real place. Liam’s place. Which is the best thing to happen in over a year. 

Liam releases another scream into the pillow. 

Theo in his home. Fuck yeah. 

June 20, 2021

What the hell was Liam thinking inviting Theo to his home? It’s not what they do. Since 2007, Theo and Liam have spent every last full week of June together. One week every year, and always in some foreign city, in a hotel room, far away from home, escaping real life for just that limited period of time. They’ve never once seen each other at any other time of the year. 

It feels like Liam broke the rules by inviting Theo to visit him at home. Like he’s trying to cross a line without Theo’s explicit consent. Which is stupid when you think about it, because Theo did accept the invitation although he could have said no just as well. 

Liam tugs at the corner of the fresh sheet he just put on his bed one last time and sighs. The thing is, he wants to cross that line. Desperately. 

For more than a decade, Liam thought it had to be that way: Theo and he, once a year, for one week, at a place where nobody knows them and nothing really matters. He thought he was going to be okay with it. Thought that his crush on Theo wouldn’t become an issue, since it always had a whole year in between shared vacations to weaken. But then came a worldwide pandemic and for the first and only time since he’d met Theo, their week together was cancelled, which made it two years instead of one. 

Two years without seeing Theo’s face or looking directly into his eyes. Two years without falling asleep next to him, without watching him early in the morning when the light was soft and Theo even softer. Two years without kitchen disasters caused by the two of them attempting to cook for themselves. No painting each other to get ready for pride parade. Two years without Theo trying to cheat during a game of cards. Without the talks about everything meaningful and meaningless, without the pretend-accidental brushing of hands against another, without the smiles and the laughter. 

As it turns out, Liam’s heart hasn’t let go of Theo. Two years, and it kind of feels like a lot longer because the wait has been torture. But it also feels like no time at all, because when Liam shuts his eyes, he can picture Theo like he only just stood in front of him.

Now, the waiting is almost over. Liam deep-cleaned his entire apartment, washed every piece of dirty laundry, filled his fridge with drinks and food, got out every card or board game, prepared a selection of movies for queer movie night, made several playlists and told all his friends not to call him during the next week. He even placed the ridiculous little pillows his mother had bought him on his couch. Then, realizing that his apartment wasn’t simply clean and ready but so polished that it was obvious how obsessively Liam had been preparing for Theo’s arrival, he brought some clutter back out and got rid of the throw pillows. 

It’s happening. Liam doubts everything - from the decision to invite Theo at all to the placement of every single object in his apartment, but it doesn’t stop the dark blue truck from nearing the front door, or Theo from climbing out of it with a bag under his arm, or the doorbell from giving Liam a heart attack. 

Realizing that he has to let go of the curtain and leave his spot at the window if he wants to open the door, Liam finally starts moving. Theo’s here. Theo is finally here. Here, where Liam lives. He can’t get over it. 

Luckily, because Liam doesn’t know what to say when he opens the door, Theo doesn’t seem to want to talk. He practically throws himself at Liam instead, knocking the air out of his lungs and his body a whole step backwards into the apartment, wrapping his arms around Liam and holding him so tight it would be super awkward if this were anyone but Theo. 

“Finally I get to do this,” Theo sighs, his breath tickling Liam’s neck. If only he knew how much Liam has wanted this. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Liam mutters. And then, when they’re ready to let go, “Come on in, make yourself right at home.”

It’s more than strange, looking at Theo in Liam’s home. In his bedroom, it almost affects him physically, especially when Theo takes a seat on the bed, leaning back, elbows sinking into the mattress. All those years, and yet this seems to be the most intimate thing that has ever happened between them. 

“Um.” Liam clears his throat. “Since we’re not at a hotel this year, we have two beds. I mean, not beds. My bed and the couch really. It’s not the most comfortable but for just one week it should do.” 

Theo looks him in the eyes for a moment before he speaks and Liam’s cheeks turn all hot. 

“You don’t want to share your bed with me?” 

Shit. That’s not what Liam meant to say at all. Countless times during the past two years has he been lying in bed at night and fantasizing, imagining Theo being with him, being in his arms, head resting on his chest. Does he want to share his bed with Theo? He can’t think of anything he currently wants more. 

“No!” Liam all but yells. Way too loud. Get your shit together, Liam. “No,” he says more gently, “I just thought… you know, this time we don’t have to. If you mind it, or something.” 

Theo tilts his head and stares at Liam like he’s a puzzle piece waiting to be put in the right place. “You think I mind sleeping in the same bed as you?”

Liam looks at his feet. “No.” 

“Good,” Theo says. “Because we’ve done that a lot in our lives, and I never once thought that I’d rather sleep on a couch, just so you know.” 

Does the back of Liam’s neck suddenly feel extremely itchy? He thinks it does. 

“Well,” he mutters, scratching it, “I was going to be the one sleeping on the couch and let you have the bed.” 

“I’m not kicking you out of your own bed.” 

“I offered.” 

“Still no.” 

“Okay,” Liam says with a nod. “Okay. No couch. We can share the bed like we always have.” 

“Exactly,” Theo nods with a happy smile. Clearly, he is satisfied with the agreement. 

It’s not that Liam isn’t. It’s the opposite, really. But sometimes the things you want the most are the very same things that hurt the most when they’re being dangled right in front of your nose, close enough to give you hope, yet not close enough to catch them. 

Liam can’t be sure when sleeping next to Theo began feeling like that. Good and bad at the same time. Hurting and healing. Poison and antidote all in one. 

In the beginning, it was simply that they forgot the time, playing and laughing and being silly together while the sun set, not noticing how their eyelids became heavy until it was too late to get back up again. After that, for a long time, there always was only one room, only one bed, and it never occurred to them that this could be arranged differently. 

But some night, for the first time, Liam lay awake while Theo was drifting off to sleep, his lashes throwing long shades over his cheeks, his chest rising and sinking, his lips slightly parted, even breaths escaping from between them. Some night, for the first time, Liam draped a blanket over Theo’s relaxed body and turned the little lamp on the nightstand off once he was sure he’d committed every inch of Theo to memory. 

Some night, for the first time, he remained without sleep, counting Theo’s breaths instead, imagining what would happen if their hands happened to touch under the blanket, or if Theo turned in his sleep and breathed against Liam’s skin, or if they woke up the next morning, entangled. 

More and more often, with deepening intensity, from that first time on, Liam has wondered how Theo would react. If Theo would want it. How far it would be okay to go. What it would feel like to brush his fingers through Theo’s hair or to put his ear against Theo’s heart and listen to it beating. 

No, of course it’s not that Liam doesn’t want to share his bed with Theo. Maybe it’s just that he doesn’t know how to survive it. 

June 21, 2021

“Can you believe how long ago that was?” Theo asks. His smile is so soft as he’s looking at the picture, so full of love for the kids he sees there. It was his idea to bring out a box full of photos from previous pride-cations, and Liam likes the fact that Theo wanted to look at them together almost more than he likes actually looking at them. 

“Can you believe that we met at all?” Liam asks in return. “It’s kind of a crazy coincidence, if you think about it.” 

“I was so bored during that whole vacation. It was so hot and Mom and Dad were trying to make us experience culture or whatever. Meanwhile Tara was just provoking me non-stop. That was her thing when we were younger. She would use words to tease and poke me, and when I would snap, she would go cry about it to our parents. And then it was always ‘Theo, don’t hit your sister.’ when I’m pretty sure her words hurt more than my fists.” 

“She was smarter than you,” Liam points out. 

“Well, yeah. She was older. She had an unfair advantage.” 

“I don’t want to say I’m glad she was mean to you in general, but I’m a little grateful that she was on that particular day.” 

Theo’s smile widens. “Oh, I was furious. We were at the pool and she challenged me to see who could hold their breath longer underwater.” 

“Don’t you have asthma?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t stand a chance, Theo.” 

“I know that now! And Tara knew it back then. But I didn’t. I just wanted to win and show her I wasn’t just her useless little baby brother who could do nothing half as well as she could. Obviously, I sucked. I came back up for air and she would stay underwater for so much longer. It made me so angry. She couldn’t just beat me, no, she had to demonstrate just how much better she was. And then, when she knew I was really frustrated and jealous, she offered to show me her secret.” 

“Her secret to holding her breath underwater?”

“Yep. She told me to just go under. So I did. And she pushed my head down.” 

“Oh, shit.” 

“Nothing happened. Well, not to me, anyway. I panicked, so I started thrashing around. And apparently, broke her nose.” 

“I remember her whole face being swollen when I met her. She looked like the most pissed-off person I’d ever seen.” 

“She probably was,” Theo shrugs. “But I was pissed off too. Because I got grounded within the hotel room and banned from the pool by my parents. I was just trying to stop her from drowning me, but she was the one with a bloody nose. She got a giant sundae when they came back from the ER. And I got in trouble. It wasn’t fair.” 

“So you ran away.”

“So I climbed out through the window and ran away. And then I met you.” 

“I wasn’t on the run from my family,” Liam recalls, “I just genuinely had lost them.”

Liam will never forget that day. The sun was shining and the Dunbars were on a shopping tour in town, but Liam just wanted to get ice cream and sit in the shade somewhere. If he was good at one thing as a kid, it was being annoying, and so he made use of his superpower, complaining non-stop while his mom was looking at shop windows, slowing them down by simply sitting down in the middle of the street, forcing his parents to turn around and come look for him. 

Finally, they gave him five dollars to buy himself some ice cream at the little café they’d just passed. Except Liam had seen a much more interesting-looking ice cream parlor a while before. Of course, he found it, but once the ice cream was all eaten up, he had no clue how to get back to his parents. 

He remembers standing in the middle of a narrow street, looking left and right and left again, every direction looking the same with their shops and banks and restaurants. Except for when somewhere, between two buildings, he spotted something colorful. 

Without thinking, he went there. He remembers the feeling as he got closer to something that he wasn’t familiar with at all, something strange and new and confusing, something that drew him in, made him feel like he was at an important place on an important day. Like just by following the noise and the color, he was becoming part of something much bigger than himself. 

On a Monday afternoon in some town in Florida, two boys stood on the sidewalk in the sun, staring. There were so many people. And they were marching. There was music, and the rhythm of people’s footsteps, and voices amplified by megaphones, and voices amplified by nothing but passion, or maybe anger, or maybe both. There were drums and whistles. It was raining glitter and confetti. There were women in combat boots and men in dresses. There were fists in the air. There was skin covered in nothing but colorful paint. 

There were signs carried by the crowd. And there were flags. So many flags. People wore them around their waists or over their shoulders like capes. People were waving them, letting all those colors fly through the air. 

“What is this?” Ten-year old Liam asked, and he was asking himself more than the boy standing next to him. 

“I don’t know,” the boy said, “I don’t even know how I got here.” 

“But it looks amazing though, right?” Liam said then. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the waving flags. He just couldn’t.

“Yeah,” the other boy nodded. “Amazing.” 

They stayed until the parade was over, not understanding most of the things that were written on the signs or screamed into the summer heat. They had no idea what was happening, or why it had an effect on the two of them, but they stayed and watched and listened white glitter gathered in their hair. 

Later, the boy introduced himself as Theo, and then helped Liam find the way back to the hotel his family was staying at, which happened to be the same hotel where Theo was supposed to be in the hotel room he shared with his sister. 

The next day, since Theo wasn’t allowed to play outside, Liam came to sit with him on the huge hotel bed to play cards, but Theo cheated, or at least tried to, and after a while, they had a better idea anyway. Theo borrowed his older sister Tara’s laptop, and then the boys googled. 

“Remember when we tried to google the flags we had seen to find out what they meant?” Theo asks, because apparently he can read Liam’s mind. 

Liam nods and smiles. “We were so confused.” 

“And we thought it had nothing to do with us.”

“Well,” Liam laughs, “we all have our past sins. We’ve grown, that’s the important thing.” 

June 22, 2021

“What the hell are you doing to that watermelon?” Just the shocked tone in Theo’s voice has Liam freezing, knife in hand. 

“What do you mean? I’m cutting it.” 

“Why are you cutting it?”

Liam isn’t sure he understands the question. “Erm, so we can eat it?” 

“ That is how you eat a watermelon, Liam? Next thing you’re telling me is you put salt on it as well.” 

“Salt? I can’t say that’s something I ever considered doing, no. What’s wrong with how I’m cutting it, though?” 

Theo moves closer and for a second, as Theo’s arm brushes his back - not even really his back, just his shirt, actually - Liam thinks he’s going to stand behind him, looking over his shoulder, arms coming around his waist, fingers closing over Liam’s own, steering the knife to show how it’s done, testing Liam’s melting point. 

Instead, Theo opens one of the drawers, pulls out a spoon and sticks it in the middle of the untouched half of the fruit. 

“Voilà.” 

“What?” 

Theo smiles. “You don’t cut it. Well, you cut it in half. And then you eat it with a spoon. It even comes in its own little bowl. How cool is that?” 

“Theo,” Liam says, “I really like you, but that is not the best way to eat a watermelon.” 

“Yes it is.” 

Liam shakes his head. “No, it’s not.” 

Theo does one of those half-grins where only one side of his mouth is involved and the other stays down to make it seem more casual. Liam loves the way it looks: crooked, half-contained. Uniquely Theo. 

“Fine,” Theo shrugs. “Stab your half to death if you want to. You’ll see I’m right.” 

Two minutes later, they are sitting in the grass behind the building Liam lives in, Liam with a plate of triangular slices of watermelon, Theo with his whole half of the melon and a spoon. 

“This tastes sooo good,” Theo moans, “I swear it’s not really summer unless you’ve had watermelon.” 

Liam nods in agreement, barely suppressing a laugh as Theo squirts watermelon juice into his own eyes. 

“I don’t want to say I told you so…” 

“Yeah, you do,” Theo says, but he doesn’t seem mad about it at all. 

“You know what? Yeah, you’re right. I told you so.” 

Unfortunately, Liam makes a mess with the very next bite of his own, dripping juice on his t-shirt. 

“Look at that,” Theo laughs, “your method doesn’t seem entirely fool-proof either.” 

“At least it didn’t get in my eye. I think that counts for something, so I still win.” 

“Absolutely not. My eye is fine. And so is my t-shirt, which can’t be said about yours.”

“You’ve always been a sore loser, Theo.” 

“Not true. And how would you know, anyway? You’ve never even seen me lose.” 

“Keep telling yourself that.” 

“Stop trying to convince me of the opposite.” 

“I can’t believe you.” 

“Because I’m so incredibly awesome? I know, it’s hard to believe sometimes. But the magic is real.” 

This time, the half grin only holds so long before it fully breaks out. Liam loves to see it, but he can’t just let Theo get away with being this insolent, so he throws a slice of melon at him. 

“You pig!” Theo shrieks, and now has a pink stain on his t-shirt that looks pretty similar to Liam’s. “I can’t believe you would waste food on being petty with me!” 

Liam raises his eyebrows. “Really? You can’t believe that? How long have you known me, Theo?” 

“Touché,” Theo replies, scoops up a spoonful of watermelon mush and aims right at Liam’s face. 

“Don’t you dare!”

Liam abandons his plate in the grass and starts running, but Theo runs after him, and as soon as Liam looks back to see how close he is, he gets the full load against his cheek. 

“Eww,” he complains, wiping it from his skin and now, with a new strategy in mind, moving towards Theo again instead of trying to escape him. 

“What are you doing?” Theo asks, eyes widened, but mouth still grinning. “Let’s call a truce. Come on, Liam. Liam!” 

Liam puts his sticky fingers in Theo’s face and they both topple over, screaming and giggling, falling into the grass, Liam on top of Theo. It’s all fun and light-hearted games until Liam looks down at Theo, whose face is right there, framed by his forearms that are pinned to the ground by Liam’s hands. 

It’s a déjà-vu. Already seen. Yes, Liam has already seen this before. It was exactly like this, but they were seventeen, then. For the first time, they’d wanted to go to a pride parade not only as spectators, but to wave their flags, to be part of the protest. 

Liam remembers them getting ready, remembers how special they felt, how much they looked at themselves in the mirror, and at each other. How they took shots before leaving the hotel, how Theo asked him, ‘Do you think I’m a bad gay for feeling kinda anxious about walking around like this?’ 

Liam didn’t think he was, and Liam felt the same nervousness. But as soon as they were surrounded by a crowd of people that were different in the same ways Theo and Liam were different, they felt the opposite of afraid. It was a liberating experience. Liam can still taste the euphoria of that day. 

Just before the sun could rise again in the morning, they stumbled back to the hotel, singing and laughing, holding onto each other, stopping in the middle of the street for a hug. Liam doesn’t recall what exactly it was that Theo said then, it must have been some sort of silly joke, but they started play-fighting each other, although there were no innocent fruits involved then. 

Somehow, they landed in grass. Somehow, Liam managed to pin Theo down. Somehow, their laughter died down as Theo stared up into his eyes, and - just for a split second - at his lips. 

Liam had wanted to kiss Theo before, but it was the first time that he had an actual opportunity to do it, the first time he believed, if only for a moment, that Theo could want the same thing. 

It was completely silent between seventeen-year old Theo and seventeen-year old Liam that morning in the grass. It’s completely silent between twenty-five-year old Theo and twenty-five-year old Theo now. 

Back then, Liam’s nerves got the better of him. He wanted it so much that the fear of messing it all up and losing Theo overwhelmed him. He climbed off of Theo and helped him up, apologized for pushing him, tried not to think about Theo pushing back. 

Now, Liam should know better. He’s known Theo for fourteen years and loved him for almost as long, probably. The worst thing that could happen isn’t Theo walking away after Liam has said or done something stupid, crossed some boundary. The worst case wouldn’t be Theo packing his bags and leaving, never to return again. 

Theo would never do that. 

The worst thing that could happen that actually has a good chance of happening, would be this: Nothing. 

This week they’re spending together now could pass and pass them by. It could be a fantastic week, seven days worth of new memories, which is more than ten thousand minutes, every one of which will have Liam falling a little deeper in love with Theo. 

Theo could say goodbye at the end of it with a big, half happy, half sad smile and a friendly hug. He could go, leave so both of them can return to their separate lives for another 358 fucking days until they meet again next year. 

It could go on like this forever, seven wonderful days every year, never more. 

“Liam, are you okay?” 

Liam shakes his head. 

“You kind of zoned out for a minute there,” Theo says softly, pulling one hand out of Liam’s slack grip and putting it to Liam’s forehead. 

Liam rolls off of him and lies in the grass. “I’m fine. Just feeling a little hot.” 

If reluctantly, Theo lets the visible concern leave his features and relaxes, lying next to Liam so closely that their bare arms touch. 

“You could have had some more slices of your fresh, cool watermelon,” he points out to Liam, “but you insisted on being a child instead. I hope you learn your lesson.” 

Liam still can’t believe he didn’t kiss Theo, again , but at least Theo isn’t the kind of person to let an awkward moment be awkward for longer than necessary. 

“Shut up before I get the rest of it and launch another attack.” It’s the least threatening threat that’s ever been made, presumably. 

“Shut up,” Theo replies, “you wouldn’t stand a chance against me and my spoon.” 

“You and your spoon are the worst,” Liam sighs. 

“I hate you too, sweetheart. I hate you too.” 

June 24, 2021

“Hey Theo, you brought your swim trunks, right?” 

But there’s no answer from Theo, so Liam abandons the mess inside his closet and sticks his head through the door to the living room, finding Theo on the couch, sitting up a little too straight to be comfortable. 

“I kind of didn’t,” Theo finally says, and there’s something weird in the way he looks down. Something totally un-Theo. 

“Oh, that’s fine,” Liam tells him, desperate to make Theo look happy again. “You can borrow a pair of mine. But like, of course you don’t have to go swimming at all. I mean, we don’t even have to go out to the lake. We can just stay here instead. It’s whatever.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were planning to go to the lake.” 

Something’s not right. Liam can almost physically feel it. “Hey, no,” he says, softly, sitting down next to Theo, “it’s not important at all. Forget it, we’re going to be just fine staying in.” And then, when Theo still doesn’t seem to relax, Liam leans into him, letting their shoulders touch, giving Theo a gentle push just to remind him he’s there for him. 

Finally, Theo leans back and sighs, although he hides his face behind his hands as he speaks, so Liam isn’t exactly confident that all is fine again. 

“I haven’t been out, you know.” 

“What do you mean, out ?” 

“I mean places where people typically take their clothes off. I haven’t been to any of those. Since I got my new chest.” 

Liam feels stupid. 

“Oh.” 

He shouldn’t be so surprised, but he is. Theo’s top surgery lies two and a half years in the past now, and ever since then, he’s only grown more self-confident. Sometimes, when someone is perfect in your eyes, it’s easy to forget they might have insecurities of their own. 

“I feel stupid about this,” Theo says. 

“No!” For some reason, Liam feels the need to protest. “I mean, I’m the one who made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. I didn’t consider this at all. But I never, ever want to put you in a situation that you’re unhappy with, so we’re obviously not going to the lake. It’s already forgotten. I have tons of other plans for us.” 

Theo almost laughs. It’s just one of those huffed exhales, small, soft. Liam appreciates it. 

“I don’t know why I’m still weird about this,” Theo says. “It’s been so long. And I love my chest.” 

Liam has to press his eyes shut for a moment, suddenly overcome by the memory of Theo calling him two and a half years ago, voice thick with tears. ‘I’m standing in front of the mirror, Liam. And this time, it’s me in there.’

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Theo.” 

“I don’t want to explain myself,” Theo says, his knee bumping against Liam’s knee. “I want to talk about it with my best friend who’s been there throughout the whole journey of me, almost, even if I only ever got to see him once a year.” 

Liam smiles to himself, returning the knee-bump, hoping that Theo understands what it’s supposed to mean: And I will continue to be there for you. Always. 

Theo exhales deeply. “It’s just different when it’s outside, you know? Yeah, I’ve been unlearning all that internalized transphobia, all that bad shit. And I have the most supportive people in my life who’ve been unlearning and learning with me. But like, you can love yourself and be proud of yourself all you want in private. Once you go outside, you still have to deal with the looks and the comments and the unsolicited opinions. And you’re just never ready for them.” 

“Yeah,” Liam nods, because he relates to Theo so much that it hurts. Hurts for him, hurts for Theo even more. “You’re never ready.” 

“I just…” Theo sighs. Their knees are resting against each other now. “It’s been so long, I’m not used to being misgendered by strangers anymore. Everything’s been sorted for so long at this point, the name, my ID. I sound like me, I look like me. The only thing left that visibly sets me apart are the scars now. And I don’t know how to go back to having people see what sets me apart after all those years of trying to make myself fit.” 

There’s this thing between queer people. This thing that makes the air heavy, that weighs at every queer person’s heart. There’s a special kind of pain that every queer person carries inside them, and it never goes away. For Liam - who’s lucky enough to have always been accepted for being who he is - the pain comes out when he hears words like these. 

Because he knows. Because the world is awful and cruel and it’s tiring to have to live in it sometimes. Because it makes him angry, and said anger serves him absolutely nothing. Because he wants to protect Theo from the whole world, but knows he can’t. Because he wants to scream, wants to take the pain away, wants to make it all better. He wants to change the world, wants to spin it on its axis until it’s the place all the Theos in it deserve.

All he can do, really, is sit with Theo in that pain, knees touching.

And then, to give them both a break, say, “Hey, Theo? I know what we’re doing today.” 

Once the blinds are closed, it’s not summer anymore. They’re also not in Beacon Hills, California. They exist outside of reality now, in a dark bedroom with countless pillows, two tall glasses of ice tea with rainbow-colored straws in them and the laptop screen being the only source of light. 

Theo is already tucked in, blanket pulled up to his chin. He looks adorable and cuddly, and Liam wants to play with his hair until he falls asleep, but they’ve already agreed on watching High School Musical, and for Theo’s sake, Liam even agreed to watch the third one as well although he personally likes to pretend that it doesn’t exist. 

“I don’t care if the plot is bad,” Theo argued, “I don’t watch this for the plot. I watch it for twenty-year old Zac Efron.”

Liam couldn’t really disagree with that. “Does it matter how old Zac Efron was in it though? It’s not like he got any less hot after.” 

“True,” Theo nodded. “He keeps up with my taste. Really gotta appreciate him for that.” 

And honestly, yes, okay, there are worse things in life than watching Zac Efron playing basketball and dancing for five hours, so that’s what Theo and Liam are doing now, hidden away from the sucky world and slurping their ice teas. 

“Thank you,” Theo whispers, letting his head rest on Liam’s shoulder.

“You really don’t want to at least give me a hint?” Theo asks, although Liam has told him at least a hundred times by now that their destination is supposed to be a surprise. 

“Liam, come on! You know patience isn’t my strong suit!” 

“We’re almost there,” Liam says with a smile, driving his car around the last corner before he parks it. 

“I don’t see anything,” Theo murmurs. 

“Probably because it’s dark,” Liam replies. 

The entire day went by as they were lying in bed and silently staring at the laptop screen, which was exactly what Liam intended. Because now that the sun has set, the town is quiet, a mild wind blowing, stirring the surface of the lake. 

Liam hops up onto a rock, offering Theo his hand and helping him up there as well so that both of them are standing at the highest point above Beacon Hills’ little lake, looking down at the small, gentle waves and the lights of the living district in the distance. 

“Wow.” Theo looks ahead. He looks happy without having to smile much for it. It’s the way he stands, letting the wind tousle his hair, gaze lingering on the water. He looks free. 

“Beautiful,” Theo whispers. 

“Yeah.” Liam has to think exactly zero seconds about whether he agrees. Beautiful. The most beautiful. For sure. 

“Can we go down there?” 

Liam shrugs. “Sure. Or we can just sit here. Whatever you want.” 

“Do you think the water’s cold?” 

“Not that cold,” Liam replies. “It’s been really hot the whole week, and it doesn’t cool down that much even at night. The sun only just disappeared. I bet it’s still pretty warm.” 

“I think I wanna see how it feels.” 

And so Theo takes a picture of the glistening water surface and the town in the background, and they climb back down to the water’s edge, shoes lost somewhere on the pebbles and sand. 

Liam stands back and watches as Theo takes a first step into the shallow water, letting his feet sink into the sand. Somehow, even if all Liam can see is Theo’s backside, he can tell that Theo’s eyes are closed, that Theo is focusing all his other senses on the surroundings - the cold water against his ankles, the soft ground between his toes, the air on his skin, the scent of salt and heat, the quiet rushing, the chirping of crickets somewhere in the grass. 

“I don’t remember the last time I went swimming,” Theo finally says. 

Liam was planning to simply bring him here, to make the trip to the lake he’d planned something different, something non-threatening. Something that wouldn’t require the swim trunks Theo hadn’t brought anyway. But they’re alone, and, maybe…?

“Do you want to?” 

Theo turns around, and the look on his face makes Liam’s heart so happy that there are no words in the English language to describe it, because now there’s Theo’s trademark smirk again, and that shimmer in his eyes. 

Instead of replying, Theo simply unbuttons his shorts and throws them at Liam a moment later. Liam busies himself folding them and putting them on a relatively clean-looking rock, partly to avert his eyes from Theo pulling his shirt up and over his head. 

“Hey!” 

Liam looks up one second before said shirt comes flying at his face. He folds it as well and adds it to the pile before taking his own clothes off. 

“Hey,” Theo says again, a little more quietly this time. “Liam?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You know I didn’t mean you , right?” 

“What?” 

“When I said I wasn’t ready for people to see me. You know I didn’t mean you. Right, Liam?” 

So he looks up. And he looks at Theo. And what he sees is the most beautiful man he’s ever laid eyes upon, is his best friend in the whole entire world, is the one person who owns his heart and always will. 

“Yeah,” he says, “I know.”

“Good,” Theo says, clearly happy now. “What are you waiting for? Get over here.” 

The water, at first, is a lot colder than Liam would have thought. But Theo keeps moving backwards and away from him, so Liam follows him further and further into the lake. Judging from Theo’s uninhibited laughter, Liam must be making quite the funny faces as the water reaches his belly, his chest, and finally his chin. 

Theo, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to feel uncomfortable at all. Theo glides into the water like he belongs there, takes a few long strokes towards the middle of the little lake, turns around, lets his body float on the surface, eyes closed and face illuminated by the moon. 

“Shit, Liam. I’ve missed this.”

“Remember that time we made our parents take us to that fancy swimming pool in Mexico?” 

“Of course. That place was insane.” 

“You were such a good swimmer. Remember when we raced each other? I swam as hard as I could and when I hit the edge and saw you behind me, I thought I’d won. I was ecstatic. But you were already on your second lap.” 

“You were so pissed about it you didn’t talk to me until I suggested trying out the slides.” 

“The slides were pretty awesome.” 

They’re both quiet for a moment, looking at the stars. 

“Maybe I would have pursued swimming for real,” Theo says then, “maybe in high school, if my body hadn’t rudely insisted on growing breasts.” 

“You’d probably be a world star swimmer right now. And would never have time to see the silly boy you met on a vacation half your life ago.” 

Theo opens his eyes then and swims closer, splashing Liam in the face. 

“Don’t be stupid,” he says, “I would still always make time for you.” 

“Every year for Pride?” Liam asks, and wants to kick himself right after the words have left his lips. Why the hell would he ask that? Now it seems like he’s accusing Theo of something, but Liam has never made any attempt to see Theo outside of that one week either. How is Theo supposed to know that he’s wanted to a million times? How can he blame Theo for never saying yes to a question Liam has never even dared to ask?

The smile on Theo’s lips freezes. 

“I mean, -” 

Liam can’t listen to this. 

Panic makes him take a deep breath and disappear under the water surface. He swims past Theo, resurfacing behind him. 

“What are you waiting for?” Liam calls out to him as he swims ahead, knowing full well that Theo will catch up with him in just a few seconds, but not expecting Theo to hurl himself at him, arms wrapping around Liam’s shoulders, chest against Liam’s back, their legs touching.

“You didn’t think you could outswim me with just that small of a head start, did you?” Theo murmurs in Liam’s ear. 

“Maybe I’ve been practicing. You don’t know that.” 

At that, Theo throws his head back and laughs, a sound that comes from deep down within and has Liam’s heart wanting to jump out of his chest. 

“You see that branch on the water over there?” Theo is pointing to their left, his mouth so close to Liam’s ear that his breath tickles Liam’s skin. 

“Yeah.” Liam can barely speak. 

“Last one to touch it is a lame duck.” 

And then he’s gone, and Liam’s body immediately misses the touch of his skin, the weight of his body, the warmth of his breath. 

Of course, the lame duck is Liam. But how could he care? How in the world could he give even just half a shit when Theo is moving swiftly through the water like he used to as a more carefree kid, when Theo grabs the branch and holds it up into the air, a triumphant expression on his face, when Theo cheers for himself and laughs so hard that he says his tummy hurts from it. 

Later, when they’re sitting on the hood of Liam’s car, each of them wearing one of Liam’s lacrosse hoodies, Liam thinks that this, this right here, is the best thing they’ve ever shared. Not the vacations, not the fancy hotels with pools and all you can eat buffets, not the parties and pride parades, not the parachute jumps or the camel rides. This, the two of them together with only the moon and stars watching, Theo being himself entirely without a care on his mind, their smiles become permanent. 

“Thank you,” Theo says, and when Liam turns his head, for some reason, Theo looks like he’s been this way for longer than a second: face turned to Liam, eyes set on his face. 

“Thank you. ” 

June 26, 2021

“We should get dressed up.” 

“What?” 

Theo shrugs. “Yeah. It’s kind of a part of this whole week, isn’t it? You just said you missed going out to celebrate Pride, and so do I. Just because we won’t be marching through the streets this year or partying with all our friends, doesn’t mean we can’t get dressed up.” 

Liam thinks about it. “You know what? You might be onto something.” 

So they get everything they need, everything they’d be using to prepare for a Pride event in any other year. Liam gets every rainbow-colored item from his closet and every pride flag. He gathers all his make-up, body colors and nail polish. 

Theo packed a white tank top with an anatomical heart in pink, yellow and blue. Along with this, he wears shorts that seem to be made out of two different parts so that one leg is inside the classic rainbow-flag and the other in the trans colors. He allows Liam to put glitter in his beard and winged eye-liner on his lids.

With all of Liam’s excitement over seeing Theo again after two years, he may have forgotten that this, too, has been missing from his life for the same amount of time: the getting ready to go out into the world and proudly show his colors, putting on more and more and more because once a year, he likes it that way. The looking forward to meeting up with large groups of people who share many of his experiences, who are just as proud as him, who get him, who have always been there for him, even long before he understood how. 

It’s a little ironic, because the bright colors and the excessive amount of glitter and every accessory he’s wearing that he usually wouldn’t - instead of making him stand out, instead of setting him apart, they make him part of a whole, part of something bigger, something that takes him home and heals his soul. 

He wraps his favorite bisexual pride flag around his hips. It’s sequined and looks fantastic around his legs. Then, Liam looks up at Theo and asks, “Top or body color? What do you think?” 

Theo won’t let him know what he thinks. Instead, Theo pushes him onto the dresser in Liam’s bedroom - now the only clean surface left - and stands between his legs, fingertips dipping into a creamy, rich purple. 

It’s not the first time Theo has painted him. Hell, they’ve helped each other getting ready at least once every year since they were seventeen. And yet, Liam doesn’t remember it ever being this intense. Because Theo is focused entirely on his creation, Liam is free to direct his full attention at Theo in the meantime.

He gets to watch Theo’s hands work with the grace of an artist, one of them holding Liam in place, the index finger of the other stroking through the hair on Liam’s chest, spreading color. He gets to watch as Theo’s eyes move across his body, and gets to see the light blush on Theo’s cheeks. He gets to see the tip of Theo’s tongue poking out at the corner of his mouth like it does every time Theo concentrates. 

Liam wonders if Theo can feel his heart beating. If he does, he must know every last of Liam’s secrets. 

“All done,” Theo whispers, and by that time Liam has gotten so lost in him that it takes a second to remember what’s been happening. Theo makes way, Liam hops from the dresser and looks into the nearest mirror, admiring Theo’s work: The demisexual pride flag with a pink-purple-blue heart in its middle. 

“Amazing,” Liam grins, and is now almost sad that they don’t actually get to go out and among other people. 

“Seems like a waste not to show this to anyone,” Theo says, because great minds think alike. 

Liam sighs. “Reason number one billion to curse this damn pandemic.” 

“But are we going to let it stop us?” Theo asks. From the smile on his lips, Liam can tell that he has an idea. 

“What do you mean?” 

“We can’t deny the world the sight of this ,” Theo says, gesturing between the two of them. “How cruel would that be?” He holds out his hand for Liam to take. “What are you waiting for? Come on!” 

“This place is perfect!” Theo declares. 

Liam feels like he’s in high school again, like he’s standing on the lacrosse field on one of those days just before summer break, sweating like a pig underneath all his gear. Except this time, the jerseys and the war paint are much more colorful. 

This is the pride event he gets this year. 

Theo, as it turns out, is kind of a genius when it comes to taking pictures. He knows exactly how to make use of the background and the sunlight, knows exactly how to pose. He makes Liam jump from the bleachers with his fist in the air and his rainbow flag over his shoulders like a cape, making him a gay superhero. It looks fucking cool. They lie in the grass, they sit in front of the school, they make grimaces, serious faces, big smiles. 

Theo takes a thousand pictures, and then, when they’re simply sitting there next to each other, he holds the phone close to Liam’s face and asks, “What does Pride mean to you?” 

“Are you filming me?” 

“Come on,” Theo laughs, “answer the question. What does Pride mean?” 

Liam looks up into the sky and thinks. 

“Pride means celebrating who we are. It means remembering and honoring those who came before us and had much tougher battles to fight. It means being grateful for the changes we’ve seen, and being insistent in demanding more.” 

“I meant what does it mean to you ?” 

Liam isn’t sure he understands the question. It means memories, it means new discoveries, it means losing fear and finding courage, it means Theo, it means Liam, it means something bigger than all of those things. 

“It’s like home,” he finally says. “It’s like, once a year I come back, and even if I wasn’t aware I was missing anything, I suddenly feel more myself again. It reminds me where I belong, and to be proud of that. It reminds me that no matter how ugly the outside world can be, I’ve already found a home where I’m safe from all that.”

When he looks at Theo again, there’s no phone filming him anymore.

“Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you imagine having done all of it with someone else?” 

“Celebrating Pride every year?” 

“Not celebrating it. Finding out about it. Understanding it. Becoming part of it.” 

Liam shakes his head. “No.”

“Me either.” 

“I definitely still would have been queer,” Liam says, “if I hadn’t met you. But like, I don’t know. It would be different.” 

“Yeah,” Theo nods, “it would be different.” 

June 27, 2021

Liam isn’t sure if he slept at all. It feels like it could have been an hour at best. But it’s not fair. It was the last night sleeping in the same bed as Theo. It’s the last morning waking up next to him, lying in the warmth of a slept-in bed, in the quiet of a beginning day, watching Theo’s relaxed face, tracing and retracing every inch of it, afraid that Liam will forget what it looks like at some point during the following months. 

There is nothing more magical than this: Theo, who could be anywhere, traveling the world and having adventures, here in Liam’s very own bed because, even if it’s only for this one week of the year, it’s where he chooses to be. Theo, who could be with anyone, because nobody in their right mind could possibly dislike him, here by Liam’s side because even if they met by sheer coincidence all those years ago and met again only because their parents got along, their bond took on a strength of its own at some point, and now they’re both part of each other’s story. 

At the same time, there is nothing sadder than this: The last morning. The last day before 358 days that will be dull in comparison. Dull and empty because Theo won’t be here anymore. Because Theo and Liam, they only exist together in a bubble, and the bubble may have been relocated to Liam’s apartment, but it’s still a bubble. Tomorrow, another seemingly endless wait begins, and Liam is afraid that he’ll never feel like he’s not waiting. 

He could ask. Theo’s face is turned towards him, and even in his sleep, there seems to be a hint of a smile on his lips. Theo likes him, Theo trusts him, Theo counts on him. They share memories. And every year, Theo wants to make new ones. Is it so unlikely that Theo will want to see Liam outside of their fixed week in pride month? 

He could ask for Thanksgiving, or New Year’s. He could invite Theo for his birthday. He could ask to hang out on just any random day of the year. He could. Theo wouldn’t say no. It’s ridiculous how afraid he is of asking. Liam hates it.

When Theo suddenly speaks, Liam suffers a near-heart attack. Theo looks exactly like he has all morning, eyes closed, face and body as relaxed as can be. His voice is quiet and a little rough. 

“If I stay like this forever, does that mean tomorrow won’t come and I get to stay here?” 

“I don’t think that’s how time works, Theo,” Liam says, but damn, he wishes it was. 

“This week wasn’t long enough,” Theo replies. 

“It never is.” 

It truly never is. 

“Five more minutes,” Theo mutters, and slings his arm around Liam’s body, pulling him in. 

For far more than just five minutes, they lie like that. Theo feels warm and real. Liam tries not to think about what it means that they’re practically cuddling, that Theo keeps squeezing him tightly against himself, that Theo rubs his face against Liam’s shoulder, that Liam melts into the touches like it’s the only thing he’s ever known, although it’s the opposite. 

Every passing minute, Liam focuses on a different part of his body and how it’s touching Theo. He’s desperate to take in as much of this as he can, to make the most of it. 

And in spite of his best efforts to see and hear and smell and feel as much of Theo as possible, it seems like so little when they’re forced to pull apart. 

It’s stupid, but Liam can’t watch as Theo folds his clothes and stuffs them into his bag, so he cooks in the meantime. As they eat, it’s quiet, and Liam hates that his mood is ruining the last hours that are left with Theo, but he doesn’t know how to feel something other than sad and disappointed. 

How many times is he going to let Theo go just like that? 

But of course, he lets him go. He forces a smile for a selfie Theo insists on before leaving. He follows Theo outside and holds the car door open as Theo climbs in. Like it matters. He tells Theo to text him once he’s made it home safely, wishes him a good drive, hugs him tight, waves him goodbye. 

Stands there at the side of the road in front of his building after Theo’s truck has disappeared around the corner. Feels alone. Worse. Lonely. 

The days with Theo in his life have never not been wonderful. But the problem is, the more wonderful the Theo-days are, the more the rest of the year sucks in comparison. And the rest of the year is disproportionately long. 

It’s seven days versus 358, and that’s just not fair. 

And once again, Liam is at the very beginning of one of those 358-day periods.

Happy fucking Pride, Liam. 

July 1, 2021

“Theo? Theo!”

Theo looks up at his computer screen where Tracy and four other co-workers are staring directly at him. 

“Did you hear anything I just said?” Tracy asks.

Shit, Theo thinks, not again. “Sorry,” he says, “I don’t know where my head’s at today.” Which is a lie, of course. He knows exactly where his head’s at. The problem is just that it’s not at work. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Now Tracy sounds more concerned than upset. “Sick days are a thing when you work from home too, you know. You can just take one and focus on getting better. No offense to you, but this isn’t exactly working well for any of us anyway.” 

Theo opens his mouth to apologize again, to promise he’ll pay more attention, to explain that he’s not sick, just distracted. But then he thinks, why the hell not? Who is he kidding? He’s not going to shake it off and concentrate. He’s not going to just stop constantly thinking about what he’d rather be doing. Who he’d rather be with, above all else. 

“You know what? Maybe you’re right.” 

“I’m always right,” Tracy says. “Now go take care of yourself. And text me if you want me to bring soup over for lunch. Or if you need anything else.” 

“Thank you. I’ll be fine. But seriously, thank you.” 

Theo closes his laptop and his gaze is automatically drawn to the picture next to it on his desk. It’s one of those he took of Liam the previous week. It shows Liam lying in the grass on Beacon Hills High School’s lacrosse field, arms spread, eyes closed, a proud looking, content smile tugging at his lips, the colors Theo painted his chest with glistening in the sun. 

It makes him happy like nothing else in the world, that face, that smile. But the longer he looks at it now, the more it tears at his heart. When he’s had enough of that feeling - a feeling that’s become a constant companion in Theo’s life - he gets up, grabs his keys and walks out the door. 

Deep down inside him, Theo probably always knew that he wouldn’t wait forever. But the actual opportunity to take the first step and speak up about his feelings is a lot scarier than it should be. Now he thinks, maybe the alternative is the scariest. So he gets in his truck and drives. 

If this is love, Theo won’t survive it for very long. His palms are sweaty, his heart threatens to jump straight out of his chest. He can barely stand still. He barely manages to press the right button to ring at Liam’s door. When he does, he isn’t sure if it worked because he can’t hear anything over the rushing of his own blood. 

“Theo, what the-” 

Liam looks confused, and more beautiful than ever. Theo puts a hand up to stop him. He needs to speak. He’s had the whole drive to come up with and rehearse his speech, and now he needs to deliver it before he passes out. 

“I need to tell you something.” 

“Erm, do you want to come in or something?” 

Theo would love to, but he can’t be sure his legs will carry him that far. 

“One-point-nine percent is not enough!” He blurts out. 

Liam looks even more confused now. 

“Okay, listen,” Theo takes a deep breath. “I did the math, and seven days per year, that’s only one-point-nine-one-seven-eight percent. Less in a leap year. And you’re my best friend and then you’re also a little more than that, or at least I’d like you to be, but either way, one-point-nine percent is awfully little, and I don’t think I’m okay with that, because I think about you during the other ninety-eight-point-one percent too, and I want to spend the other ninety-eight-point-one percent with you, and I have felt that way for like, a really long time, and I can’t remember now why I ever pretended to be okay with just seven days.”

As Theo remembers to breathe, Liam remembers to collect his loose jaw and close his mouth. He swallows visibly and then nods. 

“Okay, but I need to tell you something too.” 

Theo nods, hoping his heart gives him enough time to hear this before it explodes. 

Liam clears his throat. “I did some math of my own. And you know I suck at it, but my results say that I’m in love with you.” 

If Liam looked a little speechless before, Theo must look utterly stupid now. Speaking? He doesn’t even know how to think. How to breathe. 

“I wanted to kiss you,” Liam continues. “I wanted to kiss you when you arrived here last week, and when you threw watermelon at me, and when you were swimming in the lake, and when you were painting me, and on that last morning in my bed. I also wanted to kiss you after the first time we went to Pride properly. I wanted to kiss you in Florida. I wanted to kiss you in Mexico. I wanted to kiss you in New York. I wanted to kiss you in Spain. I wanted to kiss you in Egypt. But most of all, I wanted to kiss you here. It was so much harder not to kiss you here . What do you say to that?” 

Theo blinks a couple of times. 

“Do you want to kiss me now?” 

“Do you want to kiss me now?” Liam asks back. 

“Let me do the math first.” 

Theo doesn’t know where he takes the joke from in his current shock situation, but it earns a wonderful, uninhibited laugh from Liam, and that’s how Theo knows that everything will be just fine. 

“You’re awful,” Liam says and comes closer. “I can’t believe I fell for you,” he says and taks Theo’s hands in his own. “Except there was never really any other option.” They’re standing face to face, chest to chest. The context and their proximity imply that they’re about to kiss, but they’d need to stop smiling first. 

Liam leans in. “Only you,” he whispers, breathing the words against Theo’s lips. 

And then, finally, after fourteen years and painfully many wasted opportunities, they kiss. It feels kind of awkward until Theo’s hands find their way into the fabric of Liam’s shirt, until he’s leaned against Liam and can focus on kissing instead of not fainting. Until his own heart stops torturing him and allows Liam to take over. 

They kiss, and kiss again, and again, and again. Once for every time they’ve wanted to before but didn’t dare. And then some more. 

Theo couldn’t possibly tell whether it’s been five minutes or five hours when they pull apart and fall into each other’s arms instead, hugging silently for a solid minute before Liam speaks. 

“We need to figure out how to improve those other ninety-eight-point-one percent.”

“Yeah,” Theo nods. 

“Wanna come inside and talk about it?” Liam offers. 

“I’d love that,” Theo says. “And for the record, just in case you didn’t get that, I’m in love with you too.” 

“I figured,” Liam laughs, “but I’m glad we’re beyond the point where we keep that stuff to ourselves for an eternity for no reason.” 

“Let’s never do that again.” 

Liam pulls Theo inside and closes the door behind them. “No. Never again.”