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Sulu was sitting at the helm, working when his lovely boyfriend came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a kiss on his neck and holding a rose in front of him. "Happy Walentine's Day!"
The helmsman let out a chuckle, "Chekov, it's not Valentine's-"
"It's Walentine's Day in Russia," Chekov said quickly, giving him another kiss. There was a scoff and everyone turned to face where the sound came from, but there was only a Vulcan suddenly very fixed on his work. The crew and bridge(especially the bridge) knew just how much Spock abhorred 'meaningless celebratory holidays revolving around tacky romance' and in retaliation to it all, he held PDA meetings annually, usually on Valentine's Day. That was how long he could put up with relationships. It was August and he already snapped. He couldn't even last half a year.
Spock stood up abruptly, hands behind his back as he stated, "There will be a mandatory PDA meeting at 1400 hours in the recreation room for the bridge only."
-----
"Hello and I thank you all for coming-"
"You forced us here," Jim whispered and there was chuckling through the room.
Spock elected to ignore that and continued, clicking into a powerpoint. "Alright, I would like to start off by asking you what PDA is. Naturally, you should all know."
"Peeving Disappointed Asshats," The blonde chortled, once again causing a sea of quiet laughter.
"PDA stands for Public Displays of Affection, which is not acceptable in professional environments such as this one. There has been a recent display of behavior that is not permitted in said environments that fall under the category of PDA. Examples include kissing, groping, hugging-"
"Hugging?"
"And any other contact beyond that of a formal greeting. I have gotten several complaints on PDA and though they will be left anonymous, please know that your displays make people uncomfortable."
Jim leaned back and whispered, "And all of them are named Spock."
Spock glared at Jim with a fierce intensity that stopped all of the muffled laughter. "Without the disruption, I will proceed."
There was a pause.
"Good." He drew in a sharp breath. "I would also like to stress professionalism on the ship. Treat everyone as a respected equal and if you are in a relationship, you may want to disclose it to Starfleet. Now I would like to show some examples of what is not proper conduct-"
Jim shot up his hand and flashed one of his pearliest smiles"Do you need a volunteer?"
There was a roar of laughter from the room, which went on for a few joyous seconds.
Then Spock stated with an undertone of ice, "Shut up or sleep alone."
The whole room went silent. Especially Jim, who was now bright red with his lips pursed tightly. After a long moment of silence, Spock nodded contently and continued, "Thank you. Alright, some conduct that is not permitted may appear as..."
-----
There were whispers and murmuring as they left the rec room, all huddled in groups.
"What did Spock mean by 'shut up or sleep alone'?" Sulu turned to Uhura with a confused expression.
She grinned in response. "It means the captain and the first officer are enjoying each other's company. Maybe a little too much."
"What, you think they're actually together? We're talking about Spock here. Mister 'I hate hand holding and humans are gross'!"
"Yes, well, I always thought Spock and Kirk were too close to be just good friends."
"Wait til' Mccoy hears about this, he'll have a fit!"
Uhura shushed him sharply, still smiling. "Be quiet, we don't want the entire starship to hear us."
Jim stayed seated as everyone left, his face still as vibrant as a tomato as it was. "Spock, you didn't need to say that."
The Vulcan was gathering up his notes, shuffling them into place. "Indeed I did. You would not have been silenced otherwise."
"Yeah, but you...you embarrassed me!"
"It would do you some good to be humbled out of your overbearing heckling tactics."
"Yeah, but I thought you wanted to keep our relationship private!"
"Let the crew speculate. It will as the colloquial phrase goes 'blow over' in a few solar days."
Kirk looked up at his boyfriend, whose eyes were closed despite organizing papers, and the corners of his lips were upturned in amusement. "Oh my god, you're enjoying this aren't you!"
"Enjoyment is a human emotion."
"Then you're still half enjoying this!"
"Hardly, captain. Studying your response is fascinating, though." Spock set the papers down as Jim stood up, drawing nearer to him with a mischievous grin.
"Fine, don't admit that you're enjoying watching me squirm, watching your captain blush of embarrassment, but at least let me kiss you in exchange for my agony." Jim leaned in to kiss him, but he was only met with air, because Spock had turned away, a scoff, which he tried to cover up with a cough, escaping him. The blonde groaned in frustration. "How can you be so cruel to meeeeeeee!"
"I do not wish to displease you, but we are on duty. I would look foolish if I were to break my own rules on public displays of affection." Spock gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving, trying to hide his glee as he walked out.
"Okay, Spock. I'll get you back for that." Jim already had a fabulous idea.
-----
Everyone swiveled around in their chairs as Spock entered the bridge and stood in front of the turbolift for a second. "I thank you all for listening to my presentation and I hope it will soon take affect." He nodded once before heading to his station but a figure stepped into his path, grinning like an idiot. "Captain," The first officer acknowledged, but he was cut off by Jim grabbing his face and pulling him into an intense kiss.
The world seemed to dissolve into warm clouds of pink, and Spock's feet felt so light. The backs of his hands tingled and every part of him wanted to scream in delight. Then he remembered where they were and his face flushed vibrantly as he pulled away.
Everyone on the bridge was clapping, which only made it even more embarrassing as his ears deepened in its green color. "So this is your revenge, Jim," Spock whispered, his breath shallow.
"Yes, in fact, I want to make it my revenge to kiss you every day," The captain giggled, "and in a different spot."
"The temperature in here has suddenly malfunctioned," Spock exhaled, trying hard not to lose his self-control and just take the captain away to their quarters right now. "I will speak to the engineers about this problem."
"Would you like me to accompany you?"
"Mm. Yes."
"Well okay then," Jim was grinning ear to ear as they both entered the turbolift, the sounds of the clapping dying out with the doors closing. "Are you sure it's an engineering problem and not a biology problem?"
The Vulcan gulped. "Most likely the temperature."
"That damn temperature," Jim smirked, pulling Spock's collar toward him into another kiss.