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Jason awoke with a start. He bumped his head against a tree trunk to further prove his surprise. He groaned and rubbed his head from the dull throb of pain. He widened his eyes when he realized his predicament. Wasn’t he in bed in his hideout after patrol from his memory? He blinked when he realized the sun was blinding him. The sun was already setting, has he been asleep for that long? He got up while using the tree for support and narrowed his eyes when he saw the Wayne Manor. Was this some sort of sick joke the old man was trying to pull? Even if he offered to be within the vicinity of Wayne Manor, being just right outside Wayne Manor must be some sick joke of his and Bruce getting back at him for his refusal. Bruce and Jason have been at this for a while in offers and threats in hope of recovering their broken relationship. It was silly but Jason admits it was getting on his nerves at the very least. He grabbed the gun out of its holster and cocked the ammo out. He could play a prank by threatening to shoot him for being so forceful. Jason held the gun by his head and hopped over the wall surrounding Wayne Manor and did so carefully in the security camera’s blind spots. Jason skillfully ran, ducked and rolled until he was by the windowsill.
When he peeked through the windowsill, he widened his eyes in shock from what he saw. A younger version of himself was dressed in a white shirt that stated ‘Batman sucks’ but the way his face was flushed indicated he wasn’t well. It surprised Jason so much that he needed to sit on the dirt with his back laid against the wall. Jason wiped his eyes to clear what he just witnessed before peeking through again this time Bruce came by and placed a hand on his forehead. He dipped a washcloth and placed it on his forehead. Bruce murmured some words and the younger Jason sat up in retaliation. Jason recalled this moment for when he was benched and Bruce stayed at home to look after him rather than go on patrol. Jason bit his lip and trembled a little from fury. He narrowed his eyes as he realized he was somehow transported back in time. The worst time when he was deceived by Bruce’s kindness. The pretentious act and sweetness of the situation made him sick to his core. Jason clenched his fists tightly before retreating to the outside of the walls of Wayne Manor. He was pacing back and forth near the tree he woke up in.
“Ok ok, either the old man got better at his tech or I must be dreaming. Ugh!”
He kicked his boot at the tree which rattled it to let a few stray dry leaves to fall. What if he was stuck in this reality as this was clearly too real to be a dream. Jason closed his eyes and felt a sense of unease bubble inside him. Jason was not one to get anxious or at least was able to suppress it to a functional degree. This was just the worst time to return to before the betrayal of Batman and watching himself be so naïve. The anger was resurfacing and he gripped his head with both hands. He hated this. He was furious to be here and he would rather be off dead. A grim thought for sure but Batman was the one who ruined his life and took everything away from him. He would never forgive him. He took the gun from his holster and placed the empty gun against his head. He hated dying but he was contemplating on just ending it here before taking a deep breath. Jason placed his gun back in his holster and sat on the grass.
“It isn’t like me to get so emotional. Ugh, I hate everything about this. I wish this was the joke we were playing with each other” Jason exasperated while rubbing his face.
At that very moment, a lightbulb hit him and the situation was starting to look less bleak. He could perhaps find some time travelling device when hacking the Batcomputer for information. After all, he did remember this day clearly.
________________________________________________________
Younger Jason shivered under the blankets in his room and was sweating profusely. He felt his mind being clouded in a fog and his body weighing a ton more than usual. His body ached with every minute movement. He then sneezed and had mucus dripping from his nose.
“Great…I’m sick.”
He reluctantly got up from bed and wobbled his way into the kitchen. His vision swam here and there occasionally but through hardcore stubbornness, Jason made it barely. The bright lights disturbed his eyes and he saw Alfred in a…rather feminine apron. It has laces lining it and some ribbons too. It was light pink and had the words embroidered as ‘No.1 Mom’. Jason chuckled before coughing and resigning to the seat before the kitchen counter.
“Nice fashion choice.”
“Master Jason, I recall you said I was a mother hen and bought this the moment you laid eyes on it…I couldn’t possibly refuse a gift even if it's not to my tastes…"
Jason laughed softly.
“Glad you like it.”
Alfred was preparing what any traditional American would prepare. Bacon and eggs. The smells wafted through the air and this would normally make him hungry but he’s sick so it was the vice versa this round. Alfred served two eggs and several pieces of bacon. Alfred smiled gently before placing it before Jason before noticing the flush and slouched posture. Alfred placed a hand on his forehead which Jason retreated from. It was cold.
“Master Jason! I was thinking your raspy voice was due to the morning but it seems I am sorely mistaken.”
“Heh, I thought-*cough cough*so.”
Jason rubbed his throat a bit as it ached. He picked up his fork with a shaky hand before proceeding to pick at his eggs at the edges. Alfred promptly took the dish away as he could tell Jason’s lack of appetite. Jason looked with shock before placing his fork down. He was internally pleased he didn’t have to eat.
“Master Jason, why don’t you lie down while I prepare some soup. You look uncomfortable sitting that way.”
Jason nodded a little before sluggishly dragging himself to the living room. That was when he crashed on the couch and closed his eyes. He quickly fell asleep before being awoken by a cold sensation on his forehead. Jason groaned slightly before opening his eyes and adjusting to a blurry face of Bruce.
“Ugh, I don’t need you to look after me.”
“I do, even if you are stubborn about it. You are benched for the day. You simply can’t fight in this condition.”
Jason sat up so quickly that it made him dizzy.
“What!? No way! You can’t do this old man!”
“I will also be staying home from patrol to make sure you won’t do anything reckless.”
Jason quickly laid back down and felt warmth in his heart. He wouldn’t expect the old man to care in such a way. It also made him feel secure and that he could trust Bruce with anything.
“Let’s watch a movie tonight. You choose” Bruce said with a small smile.
“Deal, old man” Jason said before coughing.
Bruce placed a blanket over Jason as his eyes drooped.
“Rest easy now, son.”
Jason felt warmth spreading throughout his body. Not just from the blanket but the feeling of being cared for.
It soon became night time with the iridescent crescent moon over the sky. Jason was sleeping cozily on his bed as Alfred insisted the couch was not good enough. Jason coughed weakly and got out of his bed with a blanket draped over his shoulders. He felt clammy and uncomfortable. He shuffled out of bed and made his way back to the couch in the living room to catch Bruce watching some reality TV show.
“You don’t really believe in all that nonsense do you?”
“It is nice to watch people do dumb things sometimes, reminds me of a ‘certain’ somebody.”
“Hey I attest to that, I know you love me” Jason plopped himself next to Bruce.
“Ugh can we watch something less shitty?”
“Language, son.”
“Fine...Less crap.”
Bruce chuckled and placed a head on his forehead by watching his son’s delinquency.
“Alright, what about that parody movie of Batman that you adore so much?”
“Batman and Robin 1997? With the nipples being visible?” Jason said with a huge grin.
“Yes...that...as much as I hate it” Bruce sighed.
Jason laughed and leaned against Bruce’s shoulder. Everything was perfect for Jason at that time and he wouldn’t change a thing as he dozed off mid way during the film.
________________________________________________________
Perfect isn’t real though, it is a distorted sense of reality to provide a false sense of security. Jason knows that, he had a rude awakening under the name of the Joker and no one came to save him. Not even Bruce, his father figure and role model.
It was dusk when Jason prepared when his younger self was having a movie night with Bruce. Jason checked his ammo and gear before placing his helmet on. Doing the same maneuvers as before, he ducked and rolled out of the field of vision of the security cameras before sneaking into the living room. He quickly adjusted the clock to 10:48 on the grandfather clock. The ground rumbled as the clock moved to provide access to a hidden stairway. Jason quietly stepped in with the grandfather clock shifting back in place.
The cave smelled musty and damp as usual. It is probably filled with mould on the cave walls. Jason knew that the movie distraction would not last long and had to make haste. Bruce is obsessed with being Batman. Nothing could keep him from his vigilante business as he learnt as a boy. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, the blue glow of the cave that was mainly illuminated from the Batcomputer was running. It was probably to keep track of any ongoing crimes that would be sent to Bruce remotely when he is away through an earpiece. Jason smirked to himself, what could he tell you, the old man was obsessed with his work. Jason slid in front of the computer and began typing away on anything he can dig up on time travel. Every second felt like an hour as he tapped away at the Batcomputer digging up for any information. The cave made him uncomfortable to say at the very least, it surfaced Robin memories that he would rather repress.
When it seemed fruitless, he did the most basic thing any tech geek would know, which is to activate CTRL+F and search for keywords on time travel. Jason knew he could ask the Batcomputer through voice command but it is already risky enough as it is to be physically here. Like deactivating a bomb, he breathed a sigh of relief when a few results came up. Let’s see here, research on the possibilities of time travel. Well, he answered that damn question already. Villains like Mr.Freeze trying to conduct a time travel experiment to save his wife. Jason could care less for that lunatic. My will for Jason. Uh-huh. Contingency plans using time travel. Jason paused in his reading and took a step back when he reread the file. Will for Jason? He must be dreaming right? Bruce is too stuck up in his ass to write an eulogy of any sort. Jason shook his head and ditched that idea. That is absurd, it is unimportant and he does not give a crap about the old man anymore. He made his choice when he died. Jason wants him to live with the regret of losing him forever.
Jason scrolled and read through the files. His head kept yelling at him out of curiosity as to find out what is in that cursed eulogy. Despite Jason’s best efforts, he desperately wanted to know what Bruce wanted to say to him if he did die. Regret adopting him from the streets? Regret over letting the Joker take him away from Bruce? Passing on the mantle? A secret of some sort? Jason slowly grew mad as his brain rampaged with thoughts until he gritted his teeth and read the file called ‘My will for Jason’. Jason took a deep breath and clicked into the file.
Jason,
You were a boy, I found on the streets at a very vulnerable age. I would never have guessed a juvenile would steal from the Batmobile. It was pretty bold and impressive. At that time, I saw myself in you. Was it the ruthlessness or that you were lost as I was at that age? I am not sure. All I know is that, I knew you would grow up into a life of crime and that I needed to save you. I wanted to guide you towards a better life. I am sorry if this is not what you wanted but I felt that it is what you needed.
Son, you are probably one of the best decisions I made. Watching you grow up and coming out of your hard shell into a young hero had made me proud. I am writing this down if anything were to happen to me such as being caught in time travel or that I have departed from this world. I want you to know that I love you son. You got me through a tough time after I lost my previous Robin and taught me that I can give chances to others before it is too late. You are so strong and brave. I want you to be happy and grow up doing the right thing.
I don’t know if you will ever see this but if you do, farewell and I hope you can forgive me for leaving.
Sincerely,
Bruce Wayne
Jason sniffled and bolted out of the cave and manor in a rather clumsy way. He made sure to be careful on his way out before falling onto his knees. Jason roughly pulled off his helmet and threw into the ground. Jason covered his face with his hands as the tears streamed silently. Out of all the things to say to Jason, he really did not expect it to be heavy with emotions. God damn it, why does Bruce only say what he needs to say with his dying breath? Why did he have to see that? Jason's heart ached so badly, why did the words he wanted to hear from Bruce’s own mouth made him hurt so badly? It even made him feel a bit guilty for resenting him and making Bruce feel responsible. Jason sobbed harder as his face and hands became wet from tears. He felt like he was 12 again when he was resurrected from the Lazarus Pit. The events of torture replaying in his head and being all alone. Jason wanted to curl up into himself as he felt so exposed and vulnerable. Jason started to hiccup and breath shallow breaths as he lay back against the tree. The emotional pain was unbearable and he wished it would stop. Jason wasn’t aware of how long he was crying but soon dozed off from exhaustion.
Jason coughed weakly and awoke with a start. He felt sore and his eyes stinged from dried tears. His tongue also felt dry. He drearily recognised the apartment he was in and that he was in bed still in his costume as the soft rays of dawn entered his room. Was that some wild dream? He got up with a groan and walked into the bathroom. Jason splashed water on his face but his eyes still looked bloodshot and puffy. His hair was pointing in every direction possible and his outfit was wet from his own tears. Jason gripped the porcelain sink and looked at the mirror. He made the decision to see Bruce to confirm whether it was a dream or not. That way he can go back to despising him without being a depressed mess.
With his newfound determination, he changed out of his slimy shirt into a fresh pair and headed for the door while grabbing his keys. Jason slammed his door on the way out and made his way to his motorcycle. Jason wore his helmet and boarded his motorcycle towards the Wayne Manor. He could care less if he did not tell Bruce he was coming. He needed to know the truth if the will was true or he was going to drive himself insane. It took around half an hour to reach before he was blocked by the gate into the entrance of the Batcave. Jason rested his foot on the ground as he looked at the hidden camera.
“Bruce, we need to talk right now! I don’t give a fuck as to what you are doing now. Let me in!”
The shutters rumbled loudly before lifting up as Jason pressed the pedal into a downward slope into the Batcave. The flashing lights passing by gave him a minor headache due to the lack of rest. Jason parked next to the Batmobile and walked towards Bruce by the Batcomputer. Jason roughly removed his helmet and threw it to the ground. Bruce had his cowl down and was browsing through the files on the gigantic screen.
“I did not enter your territory or interfere with whatever cases you worked on” Bruce said without turning his back to him.
Jason felt his anger boil but decided against lashing out but rather cut to the chase.
“You prick! Why did you never express yourself like in your wills? Is it true? Did you write one when I was 12?”
Jason could see Bruce visibly twitch and turn his chair with widened eyes.
“That was confidential, how did you-”
“Cut the crap ok? You stupid old man. It doesn’t matter how I know but rather how you would rather tell me I mattered when you are fucking dead” Jason yelled as gestured towards Bruce and back to himself.
“Do you have any idea how much it fucking hurts to think you didn’t care? Do you ever consider how abandoned I felt when you wouldn’t talk to me after I am revived from the dead all these years? How could you be so irresponsible?” Jason's voice grew louder with each sentence.
He caught a glimpse of his old Robin costume on display.
“You built your walls so high and rather focus on the past than what you have now!” He pointed towards the costume then back at himself.
“I want to hate you so bad! I don’t want to forgive you but now I do! But why the hell do I want you to care for me after reading your stupid eulogy that you couldn’t talk about when you were alive. I-I...I” Jason started bawling and had his arm brought up against his eyes.
Bruce stood up from his chair and strode in front of Jason. Jason was shaking from the tears and crumbled to the vulnerable 12 year old he remembered being. Bruce hugged Jason tightly and brought his head against his shoulder. Bruce started stroking his head gently as a means of comfort.
“I’m so sorry, Jason. I should have realised how much pain you were in and how lonely you were like I was. I-*sigh* want to start over. Can we do that?”
Jason looked up at Bruce’s eyes to check for any lies but was surprised to find none.
“You are lying right?”
Bruce shook his head.
“We may not see eye to eye Jason but I have always been proud of you. I called you a failure but you are a fighter and you did that all by yourself” Bruce said as he wiped Jason’s tears as he sniffled.
“Stupid old man, I hate you so much.”
Jason returned the hug and dug his face into Bruce’s shoulder.
“I love you, son.”
Jason wasn’t sure what had happened or what caused his time travel but it brought him relief and peace. Jason is unsure if he can forgive Bruce entirely but if Bruce is willing to try then Jason is willing to as well. Maybe that was the lesson he had to learn, forgiveness was never easy but forgiving is freedom itself.