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Yuki couldn't sleep.
He's the type of person to sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, but he's also a light sleeper. More often than he liked, he finds himself waking up in the wee hours of the morning.
Today's one of those days.
He eyed the alarm clock on his nightstand. Two a.m. in the morning, and his head felt clearer than ever; he probably won't go back to sleeping soon. Fortunately, he's meeting up with Kakeru and Machi late in the afternoon the next day, which meant he could still catch on to some much-needed sleep.
Yuki put his slippers on, rubbing the sleep off of his eyes as he went to the kitchen. He planned to go back to his room after fetching a glass of water, probably read a boring book until he dozes off. He had quite a few of those on his shelves for situations like this.
Strangely enough, Yuki found himself making his way to the roof. A decision made on impulse, but the stars indeed looked beautiful tonight. The cool wind tickled his face as he climbed the wooden ladder, and he shivered a little. Yuki was ready to spend the night on the roof with the stars, alone…
Only to see Kyo lying smack in the middle of it, his arms pillowing his head.
Yuki's lips moved before his brain could process the sight.
"Oh. You're here."
Kyo's head snapped in his direction.
For a while, the two of them just stared in complete silence at each other. The orange-haired boy didn't look bothered or annoyed, just surprised. Which is probably a good thing, right? Yuki surmised.
That didn't automatically mean Kyo wanted him around, though. While they haven't fought since the time they let slip some… buried feelings (Yuki still gets embarrassed thinking about it), he had zero clues about what Kyo thinks of him now.
In the end, Yuki decided to leave him alone.
Too bad, the stars do look pretty.
But before he could take a single step down the ladder, Kyo spoke.
"You don't have to leave."
The quiet affirmation stopped Yuki in his tracks. Yuki looked at Kyo again, but his gaze was already fixed back on the night sky.
Well. If he says so.
Yuki crawled until he's a good four feet away from Kyo and sat there. Not too close, not too far. Just far enough for them not to be able to claw at each other's throats—if it came to that. As long as they don't reach, that is.
Silence enveloped the two as they soaked in the view. There weren't as many stars as Yuki thought, but they still looked beautiful, nonetheless. He could even name a constellation or two.
Faced with such lovely sight, he suddenly found himself in the mood for small talk.
"You're leaving with Honda-san soon, huh?"
The reply came just a second later, surprising Yuki. "Yeah. A week from now. We still have some packing and cleaning up to do, so."
"I see. I hope everything goes smoothly."
"You're also leaving after us, right? For Okinawa?" Kyo continued the conversation, surprising him even more. They never reached two lines of dialogue without a jab or weird nickname mixed in. "Did you already talk to…?"
Affection filled Yuki's chest at the thought of his lover. "Machi? Yeah. She's very supportive."
"Hm. That's good."
There's silence again, but it's more comfortable this time. Yuki hugged his knees closer. After Kyo and Tohru informed everyone of their plan before graduation, the days went by fast-forwarding. Shigure left, then graduation came, and a few weeks after Kyo and Tohru leave, Yuki will too.
Soon, there will be no one left in that house filled with memories of their youth.
It felt a little lonely.
He felt Kyo shift beside him. Yuki turned his head to the side and saw the other move from lying down to a cross-legged position. Suddenly, Kyo met his eyes, and Yuki froze at being caught red-handed.
"Yuki?"
Kyo never really calls Yuki by his name. "Stupid Rat" or "Rat Boy" are the defaults, or a clipped "You" if the former's feeling generous. Uncertainty clouded Kyo’s eyes, but Yuki could also sense the resolve deep in that gaze. Why would Kyo look at him with such mixed feelings?
"Yeah?" His own voice was small, probably the quietest it had been.
Kyo's following words were ones Yuki never expected to hear.
.
.
.
.
.
"I'm sorry."
.
.
.
.
.
Yuki's eyes widened.
It seemed that the eye contact became too much for Kyo because he quickly averted his gaze. "For everything. I couldn't…" He sucked a breath and let out a shaky exhale. Like he's about to cry. "…leave without telling you that."
Too many sensations attacked Yuki all at once. For one, his chest felt heavy, and there's intense burning at the back of his eyes that might easily turn into tears if he did so much as blink.
Yuki wanted to get angry. To let the child inside him speak and ask Kyo what he did to deserve being hated so much when all he wanted was to be Kyo's friend. But if Yuki suffered, then so did Kyo. Kyo was too young at that time to realize how much hurt he inflicted on Yuki. Yuki didn't know enough about the other's pain to understand why he felt that way, and that's why he retaliated in the same manner.
In the end, they're two hurt people who took out their pain on each other. And it's only just recently that they started unlearning these things—being physical, exchanging insults, hating—because they never meant to do them in the first place.
In a kinder world where the curse never existed, Yuki would have been good friends with Kyo. But this world had been anything but kind to them. In the beginning, at least. Yuki and Kyo's relationship had been contorted to something so ugly and twisted that it may take months—years—to mend. Even a lifetime may not be enough to fully fix it.
However, if there's one eternal thing in this world, it's not a curse nor a banquet but change. The ex-Zodiacs are living proof of that. Even if they have suffered or are still agonizing deep inside, they will confidently chase after the bright futures ahead of them. Because they're ever-changing, as do all people.
The best Yuki and Kyo could do now is stay civil. But someday, when their hearts are healed enough, when the gaping wounds become painless scabs, maybe then they can talk about everything. About their painful history and why they turned out the way they were before. About the way they communicated with violence and biting words because they're the only ways they knew how, knowing that underneath it all, they truly admired each other.
Someday, he can finally tell Kyo how beautiful he found his orange hair to be when they first met.
Someday.
.
.
.
.
.
"Me too. I'm sorry, too."
.
.
.
.
.
It's Kyo's turn to look surprised this time. His gaze met Yuki's again, eyes wide and searching. Yuki smiled softly at him, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. He watched as Kyo's eyes gradually became glassy under the moonlight. Finally, he returned the smile with one full of relief, as if a massive burden had been lifted.
For now, this is more than enough.
Above them, the stars seemed to shine brighter.