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" i loved them so much ... why them? why not me? ... it hurt so much!"
- velvet crowe, tales of berseria.
There's not much to say. It's a quiet funeral. There wasn't much to say to the people he didn't know, nor was there much to say to people he did know. Instead, he stares at the coffin at the front, wondering if she at least died without pain.
He regretted showing up at first, because it felt insensitive, it felt like an invasion of privacy, and it felt like he didn't belong here. But once he got there, those worries quickly faded away to be replaced with a warm feeling.
"I'll never forget you," he says after it's all done and over. The coffin in the ground, the people slowly shuffling their way out after paying their respects, and everything winding down... there's not much to wait around for.
"I'll spend the rest of my life remembering you..." He says, looking down at the dirt over the raised ground.
"Iris."
-
"It's not fair. It's not fair," Phoenix gasps out, sobbing. "Why did it have to be her of all people...?"
The news had hit him like a baseball bat to the face. Of all things to hear about, it hadn't been that. Maya hadn't even been able to say it. She just mumbled the whole time, then gave up and texted him instead. She had a weird experience with her family, but he knows that Maya doesn't hold anything against her cousin. So her death was quite the shock to her as well.
Phoenix was familiar with pain. He was familiar with loss. And yet, it still hurt. Hadn't he lost enough people? He had loved so many people. Why was it them? It wasn't fair.
"It hurts so much," Phoenix says, muffled, into Miles' cravat. Usually, he gets annoyed when Phoenix messes with it, but this time he just sits there, rubbing circles into his back as he cries it all out.
Still a little crybaby, he can hear Dollie say. Man, you never do change, do you, Feenie?
But he doesn't care.
-
It takes teamwork to remember.
"I remember the first time I actually met Iris," Phoenix says, as he's laying on the couch, Maya on the other side of it. "She was very different from Dahlia -- I just thought she got a little shy. She gave me a little smile and dragged me to the local university coffee spot."
"And you had no idea she was different."
"Nope," Phoenix continues, with a smile on his face. "And now that I know there was two of them, I can tell. I can remember which one was Iris. Those memories are the best. We had a lot of fun together. And I really liked her, even if it all fell apart later."
"I didn't get to know her that well, honestly, but," Maya sighs. "I never hated her. I always wondered what it would have been like if we had grown up knowing each other."
Miles hums from the corner of the couch, sitting asides Phoenix. "I only met her once, but she seemed alright. A victim of her circumstances, maybe."
"I miss her a lot." Phoenix starts crying again. He doesn't know how it's possible; he thought those ducts ran dry hours ago. "I miss her so much," he cries again, and Maya reaches over to hold his hands in hers.
"I miss her too," Maya admits.
Miles holds onto his other hand. "You're not alone, Phoenix. We can get through this together."
-
It takes teamwork to cope.
"I slowly stopped visiting her," he sobs, his words losing their pronounciation as he continues. "After a while, I figured we'd move on. I stopped thinking about her. I thought there would always be time, later."
Miles holds him in his arms.
"I never told her everything that I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her how important she was to me. I wanted to tell her that she'd always be important to me. I wanted to say so much, but I never got the chance to. And I'll never get the chance to."
Miles hands him a tissue. He gladly takes it.
"It hurts so much," Phoenix's voice cracks. "I loved her. Why her? She didn't deserve this. It hurt so much...!"
-
It takes teamwork to move on.
"I won't forget," Phoenix says to no one but the air in front of him, standing in front of the grave weeks later. "I won't. I'd die before that happens. And wherever you are, I just hope that you're happy."
The breeze picks up again for a moment, brushing past him with a strange sensation that just feels... warm.
"I miss you, Iris."
The wind changes direction slightly.
Phoenix's lips curl up into a small smile.
"I love you, too."