Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hoestar has created a group chat

Hoestar: WHATS UP FUCKERS

Joot: Joseph, please shut the fuck up

Hoestar: No >:)

Shoeske: YOOO WHATS THIS????

Shoeske: NEW GROUPCHAT??

Shoeske: GREAT!!!!1!!1!1!!

The Godfather: Is that sarcasm?

Shoeske: NO IDEA

Jojo: Hello guys! :)

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: hi Jonathan :DDDD

Jojo: :)

Yeehaw: @Hoestar why the hell did u make another group chat

Hoestar: They always kinda die out

Yeehaw: And u think it won't happen this time

Hoestar: OwO Hopefully

Joot: what the fuck

Joot: did u just say owo

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: are u surprised?

Joot: not really

Hoestar: UwU

Joot: pls stop

Shoeske: Says the furry

Joot: IM NOT A FUCKING FURRY

Jojo: There's nothing wrong with being a furry

Jojo: Everyone can enjoy what they want you know

Gappy: Exactly!

Shoeske: We'll acept you Jotaro :)))))

Shoeske: *accpt

Shoeske: *ccept

Shoeske: FUK

Joot: fuck u guys

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: awww, is the fuwwy a bit angwy

Joot has left the chat .

Jojo: Don't bully him :(

Shoeske: Sorry Jonathan

Chapter Text

This chapter has information about the characters like name, age, who is related to who  etc. Everyone has the information I found relevant for the character.

Siblings are listed together. Spouses, friends etc. are at the bottom, if worth their own section.

George Joestar (54)

Kids: Jonathan Joestar, DIO Brando (adopted), Johnny Joestar

Spouse: Mary Joestar (deceased)

Lives in: Joestar Estate, England

Lives with: Jonathan, Erina, Robert

Holly/Seiko Kujo (47)

Kids: Jotaro Kujo, Jolyne Kujo

Spouse: Sadao Kujo

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Sadao, Jolyne

Other: Uses the name Holly around most people, Seiko around her Japanese friends and family.

Lisa Lisa Joestar (50)

Kids: Joseph Joestar

Spouse: Jorge Joestar (deceased) (took his wife's name)

Lives in: Italy

Lives with: Suzie Q

Jonathan Joestar (32)

Sexuality: Pansexual, polyamorous

Kids: None

Spouses: Erina Pendelton, Robert Speedwagon

Lives in: England

Lives with: George, Erina, Robert

Job: Archeologist

DIO Brando (32)

Sexuality: Bisexual, prefers men

Kids: Giorno Giovanna, others

Significant others: Vanilla Ice, the rest of the fuckhouse

Lives in: England, Italy, USA, Egypt (owns a house in all of them, usually is in Italy with Giorno)

Lives with: No one in England; Giorno and Vanilla Ice in Italy; no one in USA; Mariah, N'Dour and Pet Shop in Egypt

Job: Defense lawyer

Other: He was taken away from Dario Brando by social workers, and adopted by the Joestars when he was 12. He didn't see a reason to change his last name despite his hatred towards his father.

Johnny Joestar (26)

Sexuality: Gay

Kids: None

Fiancé: Gyro Zeppeli

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Gyro

Jotaro Kujo (20)

Sexuality: Asexual

Romantic orientation: Gay

Significant other: None

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Kakyoin Noriaki

Jolyne Kujo (16)

Sexuality: Sapphic, polyamorous

Significant others: Ermes Costello, Foo Fighters

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Holy, Sadao; often stays at Ermes' and Foo's

Joseph Joestar (21)

Sexuality: Bisexual, prefers women

Kids: None

Significant other: Caesar Zeppeli, unofficial

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Caesar

Job: Student

Josuke Higashikata (16)

Sexuality: Gay

Significant other: Okuyasu Nijimura

Lives in: Japan

Lives with: Tomoko Higashikata, Ryohei Higashikata

Other: Josuke's mother is Sadao Kujo's sister, no idea why Sadao has a different last name

Giorno Giovanna (15)

Sexuality: Gay

Romantic orientation: Aromantic

Significant other: None

Lives in: Italy

Lives with: DIO and Vanilla Ice (usually), Jonathan

Other: Lives with Jonathan in England, when DIO isn't physically or mentally cabable of taking care of him. Happens often enough for him to have his own room at the estate. While Giorno himself isn't technically in a gang, Bucciarati and Abbacchio are. 

Josuke "Gappy" Higashikata (18)

Sexuality: Straight

Kids: None

Significant other: Yasuho Hirose

Lives in: Japan

Lives with: Yasuho

Other: We can safely assume it's Josuke, he's related to. No one is sure how exactly, he just showed up to a family gathering once.

Others:

Erina Pendelton (33)

Sexuality: Straight

Spouse: Jonathan Joestar

Job: Nurse

Other: To clarify, Erina and Robert are not married to each other, both are married to Jonathan. They are great friends nonetheless.

Robert Speedwagon (35)

Sexuality: Gay

Spouse: Jonathan Joestar

Other: Everyone's favourite uncle

William Zeppeli (69)

Other: No one actually knows much about his life, the age is also just a guess

Vanilla Ice (22)

Sexuality: Gay

Significant other: DIO Brando

Other: He's a weird guy

Gyro Zeppeli (28)

Sexuality: Queer

Fiancé: Johnny Joestar

Job: Studying to be a medical doctor

Diego Brando (24)

Significant other: Hot Pants

Other: Johnny and Gyro's neighbor and DIO's biological cousin.

Noriaki Kakyoin (20)

Sexuality: Gay

Significant other: None

Job: Twitch streamer/YouTuber

Other: Jotaro's roommate. Everyone calls him Kakyoin.

Jean-Pierre Polnareff (24)

Sexuality: Bisexual, prefers women

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Mohammed Avdol, Iggy

Other: Moved to USA only about a year ago. His whole family lives in France. May or may not be dating Avdol. Used to be a part of DIO's Fuckhouse.

Ermes Costello (16)

Sexuality: Queer, polyamorous

Significant others: Jolyne Kujo, Foo Fighters 

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Foo Fighters

Foo Fighters (16)

Gender: Agender

Pronouns: Fine with any pronouns, usually uses they/them

Sexuality: Womasexual (only attracted to women), polyamorous

Significant others: Ermes Costello, Jolyne Kujo

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Ermes

Caesar Zeppeli (21)

Sexuality: Bisexual, prefers women

Significant other: Joseph Joestar, unofficial

Lives in: USA

Lives with: Joseph

Other: Has been in love with Joseph for years and is practically dating him, Joseph is oblivious to this.

Suzie Q (22)

Other: Caesar's cousin (not on the Zeppeli side). Used to date Joseph.

Okuyasu Nijimura (16)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Significant other: Josuke Higashikata

Lives in: Japan

Lives with: His father, Keicho Nijimura, Stray Cat

Rohan Kishibe (20)

Sexuality: Gay

Significant other: None of your business

Job: Manga artist

Lives in: Japan

Lives with: No one

Other: Josuke's neighbour. They very much don't get along.

Koichi Hirose (16)

Sexuality: Straight

Significant other: Yukako Yamagishi

Lives in: Japan

Lives with: His mother and sister, Police

Other: Trans (FtM). Yasuho's cousin.


Guido Mista (18)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Lives in: Italy

Lives with: Bruno Bucciarati, Leone Abbacchio


Yasuho Hirose (18)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Significant other: Gappy Higashikata

Lives in: Japan

Lives with: Gappy

Other: Trans (MtF). Koichi's cousin.

I'll very probably add to this but I've been writing this for like 2 hours now.

Chapter Text

Hoestar added Joot to the chat.

Hoestar changed the name of the chat to 'Dolphin Fucker Club'.

Joot: seriously fuck you

Joot: The fact that this is a dolphin fucker club is implying that you guys also fuck dolphins

Hoestar: thats implying that you do fuck dolphins

Joot: Thats not what I meant AND YOU KNOW IT

Jojo: I told you guys to stop bullying him

Jojo has muted Hoestar for 30 minutes.

Jojo: That's what you get for making fun of him >:(

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: damn, Jojo dont play around

DIO: What is this?

Jojo: A groupchat :)

Jojo: So that the whole family can communicate easily

DIO: How is that bastard, Josuke, even a part of the family?

DIO: Or the sailor boy? Does anyone even know who he is?

Gappy: I'm Gappy!

DIO: Yes, but how are you related to any of us, moron?

Jojo: Don't call him that

Gappy: I actually have no idea

Gappy: I thought someone else knew

Yeehaw: DIO isnt related to any of us either

Jojo: Just because he is adopted, doesn't mean that he isn't family

Yeehaw: Normally yeah, but DIOs an asshole

Yeehaw: I dont wanna be assosiated with him

Joot: that's not how that's spelled

Yeehaw: accociated then?

Joot: still no

Yeehaw: Well that doesnt matter anyways

Yeehaw: Not everyones a nerd like you

Joot: i study marine biology not math or something

Yeehaw: Nerd

Joot: marine biology isn't nerdy

Joot: it's cool

Yeehaw: Give me one cool ocean fact

Joot: dolphins gang rape people

Jojo has muted Joot for 30 minutes.

Jojo: There's children in this chat >:((

Shoeske: That is a lowkey cool fact

Jojo: It is not

DIO: Truth to be told, that is the most interesting thing Jotaro has ever said.

DIO: The bar is low, so does it really matter though?

----------------

Joot: jolyne got arrested

Hoestar: damn really??

Hoestar: NICE

Jojo: It is not nice

Jojo: What did she do?

Joot: shoplifting

Joot: she was with hermes and foo and some guy named anasui

Hoestar: should you go bail them out or smth??

Joot: nah, i'll let them wait for a while

Joot: maybe overnight

Jojo: Perhaps that's fair

DIO: They definitely deserve it.

DIO: If you're stupid enough to get caught, you shouldn't steal.

Jojo: You shouldn't ever steal

Hoestar: hey man, all my best friends are thieves

Hoestar: show them some respect

Jojo: That is different

Jojo: Smokey had to steal to survive and Caesar doesn't steal anymore

Hoestar: sure

Hoestar: he definetely doesnt steal anymore

Hoestar: wink wink

Hoestar: Ow<

Joot: that doesn't even look like a wink

Chapter Text

Jojo: Sooooo

Jojo: It's Christmas soon

Jojo: Does anyone have any gift requests? :)

Shoeske: New shoes :DDD

Joot: that was fast

Jojo: Tomoko told me not to buy you more shoes...

Hoestar: Well she didn't tell me not to

Hoestar: Guess who's getting shoes? OwO

Shoeske: Thanks dad :DDD

Hoestar: :DDD

Joot: he's like 5 years older than u

Shoeske: Hes like a father to me 😤

Joot: didn't he stael all ur money that one time?

Shoeske: Thats what dads do ok?

Joot: it is not

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: as if youd know

Joot: we literally have the same dad

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: i didnt say i knew any better

Jojo: Jotaro, is correct, fathers don't do that

DIO: Dario always used my money for alcohol.

DIO: And that is money I actually worked for, unlike Josuke.

Shoeske: It's not my fault that you had a shitty life

Jojo: No swearing please

Joot: why didn't josuke get muted?

Jojo: Because he is a child

Joot: he's 4 years younger than me

Jojo: Still

Jojo: We're getting off topic

Jojo: Only Josuke answered my question and I still don't know what to get him

Joot: can u get me this one pin?

Joot: i'll dm u the link to the store

Hoestar: why cant you send the link here????

Joot: none of ur business

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: send it pussy

Jojo: No swearing >>:((

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: sorry Jojo

Hoestar: send thhe link

Joot: ok but if someone makes fun of it i'll make jonathan mute u

Joot: The Pin

The Godfather: That's cute.

Joot: SHUT UP

The Godfather: I wasn't making fun of you.

The Godfather: I have a similar one.

Joot: doesn't make me feel better

The Godfather: Can I get a gun for Christmas?

Jojo: You cannot

The Godfather: Why not? I'm responsible.

Jojo: You've assaulted your classmate

The Godfather: He provoked me.

DIO: I agree with GioGio.

DIO: He's old enough for a gun.

DIO: If you won't get him one, I will.

Jojo: YOU WILL NOT

DIO: He's my child, I can do what I want.

Jojo: I will physically fight you if you do that

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: FUCK HIM UP JOJO

Jojo: Stop swearing or I'll get Holy to ground you

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: jokes on you, im already grounded

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: anyways, can i get money for xmas

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: im using all my money on Hermes' and Foo's gifts

Shoeske: awwww

Shoeske: gooals

Jojo: @Prison_Lesbian_69_420 Of course you can!

Jojo: How much do you need?

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: like 100$

Jojo: OK :)

DIO: You shouldn't give her money.

DIO: She clearly doesn't deserve it.

Jojo: It's Christmas, aka time to give

DIO: Well then, I'll give all my friends a blowjob for Christmas.

The Godfather: DAD PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Joot: can u stop being a sex addict for like one minute?!

DIO: Relax, I am kidding.

DIO: I would not tell you if I were to do that.

Jojo: Please keep the conversation family friendly!

Gappy: Can someone just give me a nice rock?

Gappy: Doesn't have to be special, just a good ol' rock

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: OF COURSE MAN

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: ill get u a 100 rocks if u want to, u funky sailor

Gappy: One is enough, but thanks :))

Hoestar: not to flex on u losers but i dont need anything

Hoestar: rich enough to buy anything i want

Joot: almost every1 here is rich, stop being a bitch

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: haha, that rhymed

Hoestar: well in that case buy me something

Hoestar: a phone or smth

Jojo: Android or iPhone :)

DIO: Stop spoiling that brat.

Hoestar: oi fuck u too

Shoeske: Hey Jojo, if u can't buy me new shoes, can u buy me new pants

Shoeske: Rohan made fun of me 

Shoeske: All his clothes are Gucci

Jojo: You shouldn't change yourself just to appeal to others

Shoeske: If I'd change myself for someone, it def wouldn't be Rohan

Shoeske: But I also really like how his clothes look

Jojo: I understand :)

Jojo: Are you guys coming over to mansion for Christmas by the way?

Hoestar: ofc!!!

Shoeske: Can I bring Oku?

Shoeske: I don't want him to be lonely ☹

Jojo: Of couse you can!

Hoestar: nice, can i bring cae then

Hoestar: ill probs miss him if im a week away from him

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: awwww

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: u guys make a cute couple

Hoestar: were not  together tho???

Jojo: You aren't?

Joot: don't u live in one bedroom apartment

Hoestar: cae doesnt want a bigger one

Hoestar: he says hes trying to "keep me humble"

Hoestar: apparently i "act too rich"

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: u literally flexed like five minutes ago

Hoestar: good point

-----------------

The Godfather: Can I invite Mista for Christmas?

Hoestar: giorno and mista sitting in a tree

The Godfather: I'm literally aromantic.

Hoestar: you could still be fucking

Jojo has muted Hoestar for 15 minutes.

Jojo: A) Giorno is fifteen  B) KEEP THE CONVERSATION FAMILY FRIENDLY

Yeehaw: can someone get me a will to live?

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: this has been a lovely chat

Chapter Text

Group chat: Phantom Blood

Jojo: Hello beauties!

Erina P.: hello love ❤

Cool Hat: morning Jonathan!!!!!!

Jojo: ❤❤❤❤❤

Wine Aunt: I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be here.

Jojo: Anyways, I invited everyone over for Christmas

Jojo: You're also welcome Mr. Zeppeli

Wine Aunt: Thank you Jojo.

Erina P.: that's great!

Erina P.: I already miss everyone

Jojo: Thanksgiving was two weeks ago...

Erina P.: too long!

Cool Hat: really hopin dio isnt comin

Jojo: I know you don't really get along but he is my brother and it'd be rude to leave him out

Cool Hat: he is evil

Jojo: You're over exaggerating Robert

Jojo: Yes, he is a bit unique but he is still a mostly decent person

Cool Hat: sure he is

Cool Hat: but if he does something suspisios i will beat his ass

Wine Aunt: *Suspicious

Group chat: IMMA FIGHT YOU

Hoestar: hiiiiii guys OwO

Hoestar: what do yall want for christmas????

Lisa Lisa: I am your mother, you don't have to buy me anything

Lisa Lisa: But get me a scarf

Bubble Buddy: Christmas isn't about gifts.

Bubble Buddy: It's about family and faith.

Hoestar: last christmas u beat a guy up

Bubble Buddy: The past is the past.

Bubble Buddy: Point is: don't get me anything.

Hoestar: now ill definitely get u something

Bubble Buddy: Do not or I WILL beat you up.

Hoestar: damn after all the talk about family and faith

Bubble Buddy: It's not Christmas yet.

Bubble Buddy: I can do what I want.

Qutie: @Hoestar can you get me this one dress?

Qutie: here is the dress

Hoestar: ok

Hoestar: SRSLY FUCKK U

Qutie: HA

Qutie: GOTTEM

Qutie: get me a surprise

Qutie: doesn't really matter what

Hoestar: hey caesarino when r u getting home btw

Hoestar: im hungry and i dont have anything to eat

Bubble Buddy: The fridge is full.

Hoestar: u know i cant cook for shit

Hoestar: i need u

Bubble Buddy: I'll be there in 30-60 min.

Bubble Buddy: Try not to die before that.

Hoestar: what if i die tho????

Bubble Buddy: I'm starting to wish that happens.

Hoestar: love u too

Group chat: Spanish Inquisition

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: I wont be in america for christmas btw

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: Youll have to wait for my gifts until january

Joot: we don't want ur gifts anyway

Joot: they're always shitty

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: *gasp* how dare you?

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: my gifts are always great

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: right @Avdol

Avdol: I hate to say this but Jotaro is right

Avdol: Your gifts are pretty shitty

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: you guys just have no sense of humor

Hoestar: pols gifts are always great tho

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: exactly!

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: kak, say something

Cock Yoink: i'm not taking sides

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: my gifts are always well thought out and meaningful

Joot: u got me a fursuit last year

Cock Yoink: at least it was clearly thought out

Joot: SERIOUSLY FUACK ALL OF YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU

Cock Yoink: F U A C K

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: FUACK

---------------

Joot: anyways, does anybody wanna come to jonathan's house in england for christmas

Cock Yoink: I will

Cock Yoink: his house is HUGE

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: I obviously can't

Joot: good

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: whta's that supposed to mean

Joot: nothing

Group chat: Duwang

Shoeske: hey Oku

Shoeske: Jojo said taht you can come for Xmas

Cash money: fuck yeah!!

Cash money: cant wait to meet rest of your family

Shoeske: yeahh....

Shoeske: just be prepared 'cause they're kinda weird

Cash money: i can handle it

Cash money: my familys weird too

Shoeske: you could say that

Kishibe Rohan: I wasn't even invited to come? And here I thought we were friends.

Shoeske: do you wanna come?

Kishibe Rohan: No.

Coochie: Uhhh anyways

Coochie: What are you guys doing for Christmas?

Love Deluxe: spending time with you ❤❤❤❤❤

Coochie: Good to know

Shoeske: as I said I'm going to England to see my family with Oku

Kishibe Rohan: My plans are none of your concern.

Shoeske: c'mon tell us

Kishibe Rohan: I won't. 

Group chat: Wannabe Mafia

The Godfather: @sex pistol

The Godfather: You can come if you behave.

sex pistol: whats that supposed to mean

The Godfather: First of all, shower before we leave.

Trish Bish: does he even own a shower?

The Godfather: Second, don't talk to my father.

The Godftaher: Or anyone he brings over.

The Godfather: They're all weirdos.

im only 17 and i fucking airplane: cansn i coem two?

The Godfather: I'd rather not invite too many people.

The Godfather: Knowing you guys, you'll cause chaos.

Mama Bruno: @im only 17 and i fucking airplane you can stay with me and Abbachio

im only 17 and i fucking airplane: :DDDDD

Big titty goth gf: just don't do anything stupid as usual

Mama Bruno: Don't be mean Leone

Mama Bruno: But I agree, Narancia, don't do anything stupid

im only 17 and i fucking airplane: okkk mom!!!

Big titty goth gf: he's 3 years older than you, dumbass

-------------------

The Godfather: Dad promised to get me a gun btw.

im only 17 and i fucking airplane: niice

Angery: Please learn to fucking write Nara

im only 17 and i fucking airplane: :((((

-------------------

Mama Bruno: You're welcome to join us too pannacotta

Angery: I'd love to. I don't really feel like being with my parents.

im only 17 and i fucking airplane: seee yu then bestie

Angery: We are seeing tomorrow too though?

Group chat: Gals (and non-gals) being pals (also Narciso is here)

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: WHADDUP GUYS

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: I JUST GOT YALL YOUR GIFTS

T H I R S T Y: ✪ ω ✪

Hermes: srsly how do u do that shit

T H I R S T Y: ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

Jolyne Fanboy: i also got you a gift Jolyne!!

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: Did u steal it?

Jolyne Fanboy: yea

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: Nice

Hermes: amateur

Hermes: i stole money and then bought a gift

T H I R S T Y: awwww

T H I R S T Y: I haven't got you gifts yet ＞︿＜

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: Your company is a gift enough

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: Also a gucci bag if possible

T H I R S T Y: Doesn't the priest guy have one?

Hermes: i tink so

T H I R S T Y: Good.

T H I R S T Y: I already know what to get Ermes so that's good ^^

Hermes: TELL ME

T H I R S T Y: You'll have to wait.（づ￣3￣）づ╭❤～

Chat: Yeehaw ---> Steel Balls

Yeehaw: We are going to Jonathans for Christmas

Steel Balls: do i hae a say in this

Yeehaw: No

Steel Balls: ok

Steel Balls: is Caesar gonna be there

Yeehaw: At least Jospeh invited him

Yeehaw: So hell probably come

Steel Balls: in more ways than one eyyyy

Yeehaw: Weird thing to say about your fucking cousin but okay

Chat: Gappy ---> Yasuho

Gappy: Hey Yasuho

Gappy: I'm going to Joestars for Christmas

Gappy: Can you come with me?

Gappy: Also can you buy the plane tickets?

Yasuho: Of course

Yasuho When are we leaving babe? ❤

Gappy: I guess we should be there by 23rd???

Yasuho: OK!

Yasuho: We could go with the same flight as Josuke

Yasuho: Can you ask him when will they be leaving?

Gappy: I'll tell you when he answers!

Group chat: DIO's fuckhouse

DIO: Jojo said that everyone can invite "friends" over for Christmas.

DIO: Is anyone interested? I'm planning on creating some chaos to inconvenience Jojo.

Cool Ice: It'd be an honor come lord DIO. 

DIO: Thank you Vanilla.

SIMP for DIO: I'd also love to come.

Oingo: yeaaa, i'll have to watch Boingo

Gaymer: It's been a  while since I beat Noriaki in Mario Kart

Gaymer: I'll come

Currently gambling: if he's coming, i'm not

Gaymer: Good

Gucci Gang: I can come

Gucci Gang: I'd like to celebrate Christmas properly

Gucci Gang: For a few years I've been to busy to celebrate

Bastet: i'm sorry lord DIO but i'm in egypt and i'm not spending hours on a plane just to see some teens doing stupid shit

An entire horse: I'll come if someone is gettin' me a ride, I don' think I can get across the sea without a plane

DIO: Lovely.

DIO: I guess I'll see all of you then.

Chapter Text

Hi guys!

Sorry I haven't updated this fic for a long time. Been kinda depressed and shit, but don't worry, I'm fine.

I definitely aren't planning in abandoning this fic, and I'll try to write soon. I've kind of already thought of some plot but haven't been able to write it for some reason.

Anyways, thanks for your patience, I'll try to get back at you guys soon.

Chapter Text

Hoestar: @Yeehaw ok u were right

Yeehaw: yeah but about what

Hoestar: That this gc would die out

Joot: it's been only like two weeks in universe

Hoestar: Good point

Jojo: Please don't break the 4th wall, it's cery hard to fix

Jojo: *very

Yeehaw: sorry man

Joot: don't worry, let's just pretend that didn't happen

Shoeske: Sooooo... You guys wanna like try to not kill this chat?

Hoestar: yea

DIO: Just when I thought I had gotten rid of you nuisances for even a moment, you come back to disturb my peace.

Shoeske: Shut up you pretentious bitch, why do you talk like that

Jojo: Please don't be rude, even towards DIO

Shoeske: Sorry Jonathan

Jojo: :) Thank you

Shoeske: Hey like, if this is a groupchat just for family, can we make another one where we can invite friends?

Shoeske: It'd be cool to know each other even a little bit before Xmas. Like none of you have even really met Oku.

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: Sure i can make on

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: See you there soon

Prison_Lesbian_69_420 created the groupchat Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

Prison_Lesbian_69_420: Ok, i think everyone should be here now

Erina P.: Good morning you lovely people!

Hoestar: Hi aunt Erina!!!!!

Jojo: Erina, it is 3 PM.

Cool Hat: djaiuahqkajgdkl

Hoestar: You good bro??

Cool hat: No.

Jojo: Would the people I don't know like to introduce themselves?

Jojo: I've alreasy met Joseph and Jotaro's friends :)

Kishibe Rohan: If you have read Pink Dark Boy, you already know who I am, and if you have not, I have no interest in talking to you.

Hoestar: i love your comics dude OwO

Kishibe Rohan: Good to know at least someone in this bizarre family has taste.

Coochie: My name is Hirose Koichi. Please ignore my usernamem

Yasuho: KOICHI???

Coochie: Damn

Coochie: This is interesting Coochie: You know Joestar-Higashikata-Kujos too?

Yasuho: yeah, I'm dating Gappy

Yasuho: he's Josuke's cousin maybe?

Coochie: Small world we live in

𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽: @Jojo I'm jotaro's dear friend Jean-Pierre Polnareff

Joot: whh did you only capitalize your own name

Joot: i'm kinda offended now

Joot: also didn't he just say he already knows my friends

Cash Money: @Jojo im josukes best ftiend and boyfriend okuyasu. Nice to meet you!

Jojo: Hello Okuyasu! I've heard a lot about you. Josuke really seems to like you.

Shoeske: Itd be kinda sad if I didnt like my own boyfriend

The Godfather: I'm surprised if @Mama Bruno likes his

Mama Bruno: GioGio, I know you and Abba don't get along but I like him

Big titty goth gf: what the fuck did you say you piss-drinking twink.

Hoestar: Gio drank piss?????????

The Godfather: How about we change the subject.

Coochie kicked out Kishibe Rohan

Coochie: Guys you won't believe wht I just saw

Shoeske: ?????

Joot: tell us Koichi

Love Deluxe: Whyd you throw Rohan out

Coochie: You know Kira?

Cash Money: yea ofc

Coochie: I saw him go to Rohan's house

Coochie: And I don't know if they're dating or if Rohan is bout to get killed

Coochie: Either way not very good

Jojo: Who's Kira?

Shoeske: Ok, so one day we saw this guy at the cafe we usually go to

Shoeske: Nothing that weird but something about him seemed off

Shoeske: So we kinda started stalking him

Coochie: Nothing too extreme of course!

Coochie: Just started paying more attention whenever we saw him

Love Deluxe: Hes very noticeable

Love Deluxe: Hes blond and is always wearing this lilac suit, easy to spot

Shoeske: Yeah, so anyways we found out that his name is Yoshikage Kira, he's 33 years old and works at the Kame-Yu department store

Shoeske: So one day I think he noticed we were looking at him

Shoeske: Like he looked directly at us with this knowing look

Shoeske: And later that day he almost hit Koichi with his car

Cash Money: so we syarted joking that he tried to get rid of Koichi

Jojo: Couldn't it have been just a coincidence?

Shoeske: Yeah but then it happened again but to Oku

Shoeske: So yeah, Rohan might die today

Chapter Text

DIO: I can't help but notice that you have been talking about Yoshikage Kira.