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“Hunter? Can I talk to you for a second?”
Hunter put down the datapad he’d been perusing and frowned at the shake in my voice. “Sure, Omega. What’s wrong?”
“Erm…” I swallowed to steady my words. “I’d really rather tell you somewhere private.”
“Alright. Let’s head outside, okay?”
He put his arm around my shoulder in that paternal way of his, calling to the rest of the Batch that we were going out for a bit (they all shouted affirmative grunts from different places in the ship in response), and the ramp opened up into the night.
I was grateful we weren’t on Kamino. This planet had a soothing starry sky at night, usually free of clouds, and I could talk quietly over the sound of singing insects instead of having to scream above angry waves. I didn’t think I could scream what I was about to admit to him.
I hoped he’d understand. I needed him to understand.
We leaned against the side of the Havoc Marauder, our arms crossed in identical ways, and I noticed for the first time how much taller he was than me. He’d always been taller, but this was the first time the thought of that was painful. I shuffled my foot in the grass and watched the stars for a while. He let me.
I cleared my throat. “I…I have something to tell you.”
“What is it?”
His voice was so gentle. Somehow, it made this more difficult.
I couldn’t look at him. My words were no less shaky than they had been before. “You know how I call all of you my brothers?”
“Yes.”
“And you call me your sister?”
“Mm-hmm.”
A meteor streaked across the sky. I hugged myself despite the warmth of the night. “Well…I don’t know if that’s right, exactly.”
There were a few agonizing seconds of silence. “What do you mean?” he said, not condescending, just curious.
Still, I wished he hadn’t asked that. I blinked rapidly, trying my hardest not to cry in front of him, the one man I always wanted to think of me as strong.
“I don’t actually know,” I admitted. “I know what my body looks like and how people have always called me ‘she’ and ‘her’ and ‘girl,’ but…well, when I was a kid, I didn’t care about all that as long as I got to be a member of Clone Force 99. But now…”
I trailed off. Hunter had always been good at reading the situation, though, and seemed to sense I was just gathering my thoughts. He waited until I was ready to speak again.
“Now,” I continued, “when they call me that, it feels…wrong.”
More silence. More waiting. Some furry creature leapt through the tall grass further off, illuminated by the planet’s two moons.
“I don’t want to be the little girl clone,” I said, the words tumbling rapidly. “Mainly because I don’t think I ever was the little girl clone to begin with. I can’t explain why this is, or justify it, or be logical about it. But I also can’t accept being called ‘she’ anymore. It’s wrong. It makes me feel strange.”
“Omega—Omega, slow down.”
Hunter placed a hand on my shoulder and spun me to look him straight in the face. He seemed to loom over me, but it was oddly calming. I quieted.
“Are you saying you’d rather be referred to as ‘he?’” he asked.
I twisted my lip. “No, actually. No. That feels wrong too. I’m so confused, Hunter, and I don’t want to be, and I didn’t know who else to talk to about this.”
I could barely see him in the shadow of the ship, but I think he smiled there. “I’m glad you trusted me with this. All I want for you is to be happy, Omega.”
“Thank you—”
I started to tremble then. He pulled me into his chest and held me in the dark, though I still didn’t cry, just shook against him. His arms were strong and comforting. In that little cave of protection, I was able to put myself back together.
When I stopped shaking, he held me at arm’s length.
“So. You’re not a girl, and you’re not a boy.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“So you’re a ‘they.’”
“…What?”
“A ‘they.’ You think I know the gender of every single being I encounter? If I see someone and I don’t know if they’re a ‘he’ or a ‘she,’ they’re a ‘they’ until proven otherwise. What do you think of that?”
I looked off to the side to process this. A “they…” Neither male nor female, but unspecified. Not in-between, but something else.
I liked it.
“I think I might be a ‘they,’” I said.
Hunter clapped me on the shoulder. “Do you want me to tell the rest of the squad to call you ‘they’ instead of ‘she,’ then, or do you want to wait?”
“No, I…I think I’ll be alright. I want you to tell them.”
“Okay.”
Hunter rapped a special code on the side of the door. The Havoc Marauder opened to us again, and I felt like a 500-kilo weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“Hey, everyone!” he called when we entered, his arm around me again, and I went pink. “Come here! We have a bit of an announcement to make.”
The Batch gathered around us. For some reason, I couldn’t stop smiling.
Hunter presented me as if for the first time. “This is Omega. They are a ‘they,’ not a ‘she,’ ‘he,’ ‘girl,’ or ‘boy.’ Everyone cool with that?”
The Batch gave their resounding confirmations, and I finally let my tears fall—not tears of fear, but of happiness.