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Summer, like most things in Ketterdam, was rather brutal. The natural damp atmosphere was only made worse by the unrelenting humidity, turning the entire city into a swamp. Over the years, Kaz had learned to weather it as he had to everything. But this summer wasn’t one he could stomach.
Inej was gone, as was Nina and Matthias. Kaz had frequented the Van Eck mansion more times in the last month than he ever thought he would have in his entire life. His normal, every day routine was messed up, and the ache for what once was was getting harder and harder to ignore.
“Did Nina mention the Ravkan summer festival in her letter to you?” Jesper asked Kaz instead of a greeting.
“Nina’s letters to me consist of embarrassing things Matthias does and Inej’s daring adventures,” Kaz replied. Jesper barked out a laugh and led Kaz inside the Van Eck mansion.
The windows were all open, and Wylan was starfished on the wood floors.
“It’s going to last all summer long, and supposedly Nina, Matthias, and Inej will be attending,” Jesper said not so subtly.
From his spot on the floor, Wylan said, “And Ravka is exponentially cooler than Kerch!”
A trip to Ravka would not only take Kaz away from the Crow Club when it needed him most, but it would also leave Ketterdam victim to other gangs trying to bring Kaz down. He couldn’t just leave his business and livelihood for a week in a more breathable country simply because his crows were unsatisfied with the weather.
But a small part of him, a part he thought long dead and had been stupidly trying to revive, wanted to see Inej again. It had only been two months since her departure, but Kaz had grown accustomed to her presence. He wanted to see if all their hard work was worth it. He didn’t doubt Inej herself felt the same way. So, Kaz Brekker did what he did best.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll both be glad to hear there’s a contact I have to meet on the Ravkan coast.”
Jesper looked at him with wide eyes and Wylan lifted his head off the floor so it looked like he had no neck.
“It’s supposed to be a one man job, but I’d rather you two tag along than stow away,” Kaz lied. There absolutely was no contact, and the Dregs hadn’t had any major jobs since Kaz officially took over. Hopefully Jesper and Wylan wouldn’t ask any questions and take the handout Kaz was offering them.
“I can show Nina how my powers have been developing!” Jesper said as Wylan shouted, “Inej can teach me sea shanties on my flute!”
Kaz rolled his eyes. “And Matthias and I can suffer from simultaneous migraines,” he muttered. But Kaz had to admit he liked seeing Jesper and Wylan like this. After Inej, Nina, and Matthias left, the group dynamic shifted drastically. Kaz knew they all had their own things to do, himself included, but he couldn’t deny that the two boys weren’t the only ones who missed their friends.
However, if anyone asked Kaz, he’d say the Ketterdam weather was more unbearable than the unsavory gangs that lurked around the Barrel.
Nina knew mentioning the festival was a long shot. She also knew that Jesper would beg with Kaz to let them go, and as of late, the Bastard of the Barrel seemed to actually give in to his friends. Not that he would admit it to any of them. Except for maybe Inej.
When Nina was younger, the Ravkan summer festival would only occur every few years, as the Fold made it incredibly hard to deliver supplies. After its demise though, the newly whole country seemed to take any chance it could to celebrate. Not that Nina was complaining.
“They bring food from all over,” Nina sighed wistfully, remembering the soft, chewy buns Zoya had snagged for her one year. “It’s pure heaven.”
“Hopefully they’ll have some decent coffee,” Inej said, her arm linked with Nina’s. Matthias was on Nina’s other side, staring in wide-eyed wonderment at all the booths being set up.
“It’s too hot for coffee,” Nina replied.
“Not for me. For Kaz.”
Nina pinched Inej’s elbow, causing her to squirm out of Nina’s grip. She knew something had changed between Inej and Kaz after the whole Kuwei Yul-Bo incident, but Inej never gave Nina the full details. Judging by Inej’s flushed cheeks and her refusal to even talk about Kaz outside of Ketterdam rumors, Nina assumed they were still in that unsure phase. She only slightly pitied Inej.
“What time are they supposed to get here?” Matthias asked.
Nina responded, “They should be docking soon. Jesper’s letter said they left Ketterdam a couple days ago.”
Nina looked to Inej. Even without her powers, Nina could tell the girl’s heart was speeding up in anticipation. And all because of goddamn Kaz Brekker.
Just as Inej concluded that the boat would in fact not be docking that day, she heard a terrible impression of a crow call. Three silhouettes could be seen on the deck of a ship in the distance. Even from that distance, she could easily pick out Kaz, already seeing her.
Seeing Jesper, Kaz, and Wylan again was like taking a deep breath after too long underwater. Inej launched herself at Jesper, prepared to never let him go. Wylan twirled Inej under his arm, unfortunately having two whole inches on her now.
Her heart almost stopped when she was in front of Kaz. They both stood staring at the other. She wasn’t sure if she should reach out to him or if he would reach for her first. They greeted each other as they seemed to do everything: by meeting in the middle.
“Hello Wraith,” he said, taking her hand in his gloved one. The leather was burning hot, but Inej knew Kaz would rather risk a heat stroke than be exposed when he couldn’t handle it. She’d have to keep an eye on him to make sure he didn’t burn up during the week.
“Hello Brekker,” Inej replied.
The rest of their reunion was cut short by Nina dragging them to the hotel they were staying in. “We have a big day tomorrow, so we need to rest up. I won’t have you guys ruining the festival for me because you’re too tired. It opens at eight bells, I’m expecting to meet everyone in the lobby by seven bells,” she said.
“Nothing can be worth getting up at seven bells,” Jesper grumbled.
“You’ll regret saying that once you have these waffles.” Everyone but Nina groaned, not even accepting waffles as a good enough reason to wake so early.
Logically, Kaz knew he’d be rooming with Inej. It made sense. Nina and Matthias obviously were sharing a room, and Jesper would be whiny if separated from Wylan for too long.
(“He’s a human cooler! You share a bed with him in summer and then you’ll see.”
“I’ll pass actually.”)
Kaz was, however, not prepared for the one singular bed that graced their hotel room. Inej seemed just as hesitant as Kaz was, neither of them moving.
“I can-” Inej started. Kaz knew what she would offer; to sleep on the floor, to get them a new room, to even crash with Nina and Matthias.
“It’s fine,” Kaz cut her off. “I mean, I’m fine sharing if you are.” The bed seemed big enough to give them the space they needed. Not that Kaz really wanted there to be space between them, but he knew them. Even the briefest of touches could easily set him off, and the smallest of shifts could make Inej close in on herself.
“I’m fine,” Inej said, finally moving forward into the room. Kaz followed suit, depositing his bag next to the door.
Even in Ravka, the summer humidity was all around them, making Kaz feel like he was suffocating. The blankets were frustratingly fluffy, not helping anything.
“We could push all the blankets off,” Inej suggested. Soon the bed was bare and Kaz realized there would be no buffer between them. They were on the same level now. Kaz considered putting his gloves back on, but the boat trip left him and his gloves feeling scorched. But he could do this. He had to do this; he wanted to do this.
Kaz turned to face Inej and she did the same. There was quite a lot of space between them, almost like a chasm.
“Hi,” he said. Inej laughed a short breathy laugh. Her eyes seemed to shine brighter, her skin darker from months out at sea. Kaz noticed a splatter of freckles across her nose. He wondered if he’d ever have the courage to kiss them.
“Hi,” Inej said back. Kaz didn’t know what changes she saw in him. When he looked in the mirror, he saw the same thing he always did: a boy long dead with revenge in his eyes. He didn’t know how to see himself through Inej’s eyes. “You’re still pale as shit.” Well, that answered that question. Kaz laughed despite himself.
“I’d say you look good, but after that comment, I’m not sure I believe it anymore,” Kaz said. Inej smiled, a ruthless thing. Surely she could tell he meant it, what with the blush climbing up his neck. But she asked for no armor. “I mean it. You look good.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself, Brekker.”
“Besides being pale as shit.”
“Besides that.”
Matthias wished he had bet on the rest of his friends being late. The early summer sun was peeking in through the windows of the hotel lobby, casting everything in a pale glow. It illuminated Nina as she grumbled about missing her waffles.
“These waffles are quite literally the best food I’ve ever had in my life. If those lazy ass, good for nothing criminals make me miss the best thing in my life, I’ll…” Nina trailed off, muttering what Matthias assumed was curses in Ravkan. He decided not to point out that Nina was also one of those lazy ass, good for nothing criminals.
The sun climbed higher in the sky and still no sign of them. Nina was beginning to drag Matthias out of the hotel when Wylan shouted, “Wait for us! We’re here, we made it.” He ran towards them, dragging a very sleep-deprived Jesper. Kaz and Inej trailed after them, Kaz leaning more on his cane than usual.
“ Barely, ” Nina said, the rage in her voice something Matthias had never heard from her before. He just tucked a fuming Nina underneath his arm, leading the gang out onto the streets of Ravka.
It wasn’t as hot as it was the day before, but everyone found themselves already succumbing to the heat. Jesper and Wylan were both in thin cotton tank tops, their pant legs rolled up to their knees. Nina was in a light green sundress that complimented her very nicely. Matthias couldn’t help but stare when she emerged from their room’s bathroom in it. Inej was in similar clothes to Jesper and Wylan, though she layered her tank tops. The biggest surprise was seeing Kaz in just pants and a button down shirt instead of his usual layers and layers. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing incredibly pale skin that threatened to blind Matthias. He was also without his gloves.
“Stop staring at me Matthias, you’re already taken,” Kaz said. Matthias glared at him, moving his gaze to the already large crowd of people by the festival’s entrance.
“There’s a line ?” Jesper asked. “I feel cheated, betrayed. No one said anything about a line.”
“Jes, what’d you expect?” Inej responded. Jesper glared at her, causing everyone to laugh.
Jesper sat down in the grass, hiding from the sun in Wylan’s shadow. “No one said anything about a line.”
Matthias looked to Nina, expecting her to have some sort of smile on her face, but her mouth was pulled down into a frown. The thought that if she hadn’t taken parem, she could have kept them cool had occurred to him early in the summer months, and he supposed the same thought occurred to Nina daily. He took her hand, guiding her in front of him so his tall frame could shelter her from the sun.
By the time the festival was officially open and they were inside the grounds, Wylan was almost completely sunburnt. His shoulders were a bright red and his legs felt like they were on fire.
“You look like a lobster,” Jesper snorted as Wylan ate his waffles. His blush made the sunburn look even worse, causing Jesper to laugh even more. “A very cute lobster, but a lobster nonetheless.”
After eating, the group decided to split off, hoping to enjoy most of the festival that way. “We’ll meet back here at six bells for dinner, then go back to the hotel. I won’t risk Wylan turning to ash, he’s still our demo man,” Kaz said.
“Like you look any better, Brekker,” Nina said. Kaz glared at her so violently, Wylan thought she would turn into ash. Though Nina was right; Kaz was about as badly burnt as Wylan, his very pale skin transformed to a deep red. Inej snorted and Kaz’s glare was directed to her.
“ Six bells ,” Kaz repeated.
As they went off on their way, Jesper shouted, “Yes dad, we’ll behave.” Kaz whipped around and started after Jesper, hefting his cane like he was about to whack him. “I’m going, I’m going!” Jesper took Wylan’s hand and they ran deep into the festival, escaping Kaz’s wrath.
Booths were set up all throughout the grounds, displaying all sorts of food, trinkets, and games with enticing prizes. It wasn’t long before Jesper found a shooting range.
“Okay babe, what prize do you want,” Jesper asked as he paid for the game, taking the plastic toy guns from the attendant.
Wylan studied the rows of prizes, ranging from large stuffed animals to wooden swords for children to novelty maps of Ravka. Then he spotted a watercolor set with colors brighter than anything in Ketterdam. “The watercolors,” Wylan told Jesper. “For my mother.” Jesper smiled at him, sending butterflies through Wylan’s stomach, and aimed the guns.
Missed.
Jesper let out a nervous chuckle. “I’m just not used to these guns, that’s all.” Wylan nodded, wanting to be supportive.
Another miss.
“What the hell?”
Again, a miss.
“It’s rigged!” Jesper shouted. He gave the attendant more money, aimed the guns again. Like the last three, the bullet was just shy of the target. “I swear…”
“Jes, it’s okay,” Wylan said. “I don’t need the watercolors. They’re probably cheap anyway.” The attendant huffed at Wylan but he paid her no mind.
“No, dammit. I love you and I’m going to win you those watercolors even if I use up all my money!”
What did he just say?
“What did you just say?”
Jesper froze, registering the words he said. But then he relaxed, twirling the little plastic guns around his fingers.
“I love you, Wylan.”
Wylan could probably count the number of people who had told them they love him on one hand. His father was never one for such words even before he decided to give up on Wylan. Alys didn’t know him well enough to make that decision. His mother was still trying to adapt to her new life, so Wylan couldn’t really blame her. Though he knew he was valuable to the Dregs, he wouldn’t say there was much love among the gang members. Even his friends didn’t explicitly say the words, though their actions often did.
To hear the boy who turned Wylan’s entire world upside down declare that he loved him… it was invigorating.
Wylan’s silence must have worried Jesper for he started stuttering, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Wy. If you don’t feel you’re ready to say it I won’t-”
Wylan cut him off by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down for a kiss. He, Wylan Van Eck, was kissing the boy who loved him. He was kissing the boy whom he loved too.
They broke apart, and Wylan said, “I love you too.” Jesper smiled and pulled Wylan in for another kiss.
Kaz was waiting in the shade of one of the booths while Inej bought them both coffee. When she handed him his cup, their fingers brushed, and from the look on Kaz’s face, it was intentional. It brought a small smile to Inej’s face.
“How is it?” she asked after he took a sip.
“We’re certainly not in Ketterdam anymore.” Inej laughed at that.
“And how are things there? You treating the Dregs fairly?”
“Like they deserved to be treated fairly,” Kaz said. It was meant to be a joke, but Inej couldn’t help but think of when Kaz fought most of the gang members on the Slat stairs, beaten within an inch of his life. How he saw her there, up in the rafters, and denied help.
Inej shook the memory away. He was here with her, alive and breathing. It would take more than a few crows to end the terrible Kaz Brekker.
They walked around the festival grounds, catching each other up on their most recent adventures. Though Inej had written about most of the tales she told him, Kaz listened like it was his first time hearing them. He even seemed defensive when Inej mentioned the newest addition to her crew: a Shu teen who saved Inej from being flung overboard during an attack.
“Aww, is someone jealous?” Inej asked. Kaz took a sip of his coffee then looked at Inej. That’s when she heard it. The slight change in Kaz’s breathing that Nina had spoken of so long ago. Like he’d never seen her before.
“And if I am?” Kaz said. It was an admission without actually saying the words.
Inej held out her hand, palm up. Kaz looked at her hand, slowly placing his on top. She linked their pinkies, forced them to keep walking. “Then you’ll have nothing to worry about. The heart is an arrow, Mr. Brekker, and I found my target long ago.”
Kaz turned red, and if Inej didn’t know any better, she’d assume it was his terrible sunburn.
The closer it got to six bells, the more Inej didn’t want to leave. Despite the heat, the sun felt nice on Inej’s skin, and she could see the effect being in Ravka had on Kaz. His mouth wasn’t set in his perpetual scowl, his cheeks had more color in them than Inej had ever seen before, and his limp was slightly better. He leaned more on Inej than he did on his cane.
Though seeing Nina holding a giant stuffed wolf in her arms with a spellbound Matthias next to her was worth about a thousand kruge . It was worth even more when Kaz let out an actual laugh, making Inej’s heart flutter.
Soon Wylan and Jesper joined them and they ordered even more waffles for dinner.
“I told you guys these waffles were worth it,” Nina said. Everyone grumbled, not wanting to admit she was right. “And we get to do it all again tomorrow.”
“ No ,” Jesper said. “I am not waking up that early ever again for the rest of my life.”
Wylan agreed, and when Nina looked to Inej, she just shrugged.
“You’re all betrayers, all of you,” Nina said. “At least I still have Matthias.”
Matthias grew very quiet, looking everywhere except for at Nina. Her jaw dropped to the floor. “I’m sorry my love, but we did wake up very early.”
Nina abruptly stood up, already leaving the restaurant. “I can’t believe! After all we’ve been through!” She got to the door, clearly stalling. “I thought friendship meant something to you guys, but now I see you’re just heartless heathens.”
Jesper faked a gasp. “She called us heathens.”
“And heartless,” Kaz added.
Inej couldn’t hold in her laughter anymore. Everyone joined in, even Nina, and Inej saw tears in Matthias’s eyes.
Though Inej loved being out on the sea, taking down slavers, she missed this. She missed having everyone together. Sometimes, on the Wraith, late at night when her crew had gone to bed, Inej would climb into the crow’s nest and watch the stars. She’d look up at the sky, hoping to find her friends somewhere hidden in the constellations. Only after playing music with Wylan, gossiping with Nina, bird watching with Matthias, having drinks with Jesper, or staying up late talking with Kaz did Inej feel like the stars shined. Only after retrieving a part of her that felt missing did the sea feel enticing yet again.
Saying goodbye would hurt a lot more this time around.
In Jesper’s personal opinion, the week simply wasn’t long enough. He wasn’t ready to return to Ketterdam’s disgustingly humid air. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Inej, Nina, and Matthias.
They had all hugged and promised to see each other again soon. It didn’t really do anything to help the sinking feeling in Jesper’s stomach.
He and Wylan were already on the ship, but Kaz lagged behind. He was with Inej, head bowed low. From where he was standing, it looked like the two were holding hands, but Jesper couldn’t quite tell. Just as the captain was calling for everyone to board, Kaz hesitated for a fraction of a second, then placed a light kiss to Inej’s forehead. Jesper couldn’t help but smile as Kaz bounded up the gangplank.
“What are you so happy about?” Kaz snapped.
“Oh nothing,” Jesper said. “I was just wondering how the meeting with the contact went.” Wylan barked out a laugh but very poorly covered it up with a cough.
Kaz stared at Jesper for a solid second before saying, “Oh, the contact. It went fine, but it was a dead end.”
Finally, at last, Dirtyhands was caught in a lie. Kaz could only grumble as Wylan and Jesper teased him the entire trip home.