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"Wait, Mom! Don't turn the lights out yet!"
"What? Why not?"
"I have a gift for my little brother." Abed pulls out a gift from under their sheets, painstakingly but poorly wrapped in orange patterned paper, and presents it gleefully to their mother's stomach.
"Happy soon to be born day, baby! I'm sorry I missed your shower party. I don't like being wet."
His mother laughs, and they hang their head.
Unlike their feelings book says, she never laughs for happy reasons.
"How cute!" their stepfather says, and they look up at the unfamiliar man looming over the foldout couch, the body snatcher replacement of their father. "Open it, Tekla."
She folds the wrapping paper back, the corners uneven, and pulls out the VHS tucked inside.
"Scary Movie?" She shows it to her new husband. Abed fights to keep their hands still, not show their excitement.
"It's about, um, it's a parody of a parody of horror movies from, um, from the eighties. Well, the horror movies were from the eighties, and the Scream– that's the original parody– the Scream movies are actually still coming out. Well, maybe. The third one just came out, um, around the same time as this one! Which is, um, also a parody of its own earlier movies, a little bit. So maybe it's a parody of a parody of a parody. Isn't that super cool?" Abed smiles up at her, waiting for her to tell them they did okay.
She doesn't. "Abed, myszko, you know this isn't suitable for a baby."
"Oh. Sorry." They fidget with the cuff of their sweater, staring at the itchy sheets. "I just thought... maybe you could watch it, and I've, you know, I've watched it a lot of times, and then maybe after I go home to Dad, you could, um, you could call me and we could maybe talk about it?"
"Do you know how much long distance calls cost?"
They shake their head. "I think you could call the operator and ask."
"No, I know how much it costs. You don't."
"Oh." They trace their jaw back and forth. "Then why did you ask me?"
She crosses her arms. "Abed, I'm about to have a baby. I can't afford to listen to you ramble nonsense at a dollar a minute."
"Oh. So we can't talk about Scary Movie?"
"Maybe when you visit for Christmas. And couldn't you watch something less disturbing? I hate horror. Your dad shouldn't be letting you watch it."
Abed nods, shame pouring over them. "I'm sorry I got a bad movie, Mom. I'll bring a better one next time."
"You don't need to bring movies. I have movies."
Abed takes a doleful look at her selection of romcoms, tugging at their hair. "I haven't seen any of them, though."
"That's fine. You watch too many movies as it is. Tell your father to get you outside more."
"Yes, Mom."
"And stop picking at yourself. It makes you look crazy."
"Yes, Mom." Abed freezes their hands beside them, trying so hard to fit into her perfect new life, to not be too weird.
"Now, go to bed. You need to be up early tomorrow to go home."
Loneliness soaks through their stomach. Their time with their mother is over again. They're still not normal enough for her to want them.
Abed stares at the shelves as she flicks out the light, studying the movies through the night, memorizing every title.
When they get back to Colorado, they watch every one twice. When they go back for Christmas, they'll finally have something normal to say, something their mom will want to hear.
And then maybe she'll finally love them.