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It was the Friday night of Cabaret and the cast had been for a celebratory meal in the cafe. David had sent a text saying he was going home to check on his mom, who was still in the closet, and to whom Patrick knew he had been reporting back to after every show. He’d gone to the bathroom and was about to head home himself- assuming David wasn’t joining him and considering an early-ish night- when Stevie cornered him.
‘Hey, can we get some of that really good Malbec from the Store?’ she asked.
‘Don’t you think you’ve had enough?’ he asked with a grin. ‘Also I was just going- it’s all locked up and the alarm is on…’ why did he know he was fighting a losing battle.
‘Pat-rick.’ she whined, ‘We’re going back to mine...oooh we could have some cheese too. I promise I’ll pay you tomorrow.’
He rolled his eyes. Doing it was quicker than arguing about it. Stevie was very much like David in that respect, picking your battles, especially where food or alcohol supply came in was very much the path of least resistance.
‘Alright c’mon.’ he said grabbing his jacket. ‘But if you’re hungover for the matinee tomorrow I want to be there when Jocelyn finds out.’
‘Deal.’ She slung her bag on and took his arm, when they got to the door, she spun him around quickly, nearly throwing him off balance. ‘Ok, what would you believe more, that there’s some kind of secret leading-man-in-the-show thing happening, or that your fiance is up to something?’
‘I think we both know the answer to that.’ Patrick said, putting his hands on his hips.
‘Ok good, so then you’ll close your eyes and play along with his nonsense?’ she asked, ‘Nonsense I’ve been unwittingly roped into?’
Patrick rolled his eyes, ‘Yes.’ he said, looking around ‘where is he?’
‘Is that playing along?’ she asked, ‘Close your eyes.’
He did so, with a sigh, and felt her take his elbow. She led him just a few steps and stopped.
‘Ok.’ she said
‘Was that even necessary?’ he asked.
‘Open your eyes idiot.’ she said.
He did and realised he was facing the Store- just a few steps from the cafe. But it was lit up, not by the light, but something softer, candlelight he realised. A lot of candlelight, like worry about the insurance candlelight. But he grinned.
‘I think your fiance might be waiting for you.’ she grinned.
He shook his head and walked the short distance to the Store. He paused for a second before opening the door. In the low candlelight it looked different, he had to admit, magical. The bell jangled and stopped. He heard low music playing, not the usual playlist, but nothing he recognised.
‘David?’ he called ‘Are you here or is this a really strange robbery?’
The volume of the music increased fractionally, and David appeared from the back room. And Patrick audibly gasped. He looked incredible. He was wearing a suit, an actual suit, tailored perfectly to his body, in sharp lines of black. He had on a thin black tie with his white shirt, when he stepped fully out Patrick could see he was wearing brogues in black and white, and his legs all but went from under him at the image. Flicking his gaze upwards he saw his hair was different too- somewhat tamed from its usual elevated style and slicked back a bit.
‘Well I am distinctly under-dressed.’ he said.
‘Sit.’ David said pointing at a chair placed in the side of the Store away from the register.
‘Are you about to dance again?’ Patrick smirked ‘Because if so I’d like to film it this time.’
David shook his head.
‘I actually have an important question to ask you.’ he said.
The realisation of what was happening hit Patrick like a wave. He wasn’t sure what he’d thought was going on until now, but that knocked the wind out of his sails. He leaned forward on his elbows.
‘Ok.’ he said quietly
‘But I have things to say first.’ David said.
Patrick grinned. Of course, he did.
‘I fell in love with you in this Store.’ David began walking towards him, he stopped about halfway from the backroom to where Patrick was sitting. He was glowing in the candlelight, it bouncing off his features making him soft and warm. ‘I fell in love with you day by day so slowly I didn’t even know it was happening. Which was downright sneaky of you, to be honest.’
‘Sorry.’ Patrick smiled. David smiled back and stepped a bit closer, he thrust his hands into his pockets making himself small for a moment looking down. Patrick had never seen him do that, he realised in a flash this was level-up nervousness. Usual nervousness was arms flailing, this making himself smaller was what happened next. ‘You snuck up on me too.’ he said softly.
David looked up finally at his beautiful boyfriend- fiance- sitting in front of him and he was suddenly compelled to say all the things he was scared to, all the things he’d always held back on saying.
‘I was scared to fall in love with you.’ he said softly, and locked eyes with Patrick, who looked at him with that patient, open manner that made him fall in love over and over again. ‘I was scared to fall in love with anyone. But particularly you because if I couldn’t make it work with you I knew I wouldn’t be the same again, there would be no coming back from loving you, Patrick Brewer.’
‘David.’ Patrick said in a voice almost a whisper.
David held a hand up silencing him, he had to get through this. ‘I never told you, the day I told you I love you. Right over there.’ he gestured and smiled, ‘I went and I talked to Ted, and I told him this, I told him to remember that sometimes it does work out and that if you have it, don’t let it go. That’s when I was determined not to let this go.’ he wiped at his eyes, cursing himself for not even getting this far without crying. ‘I knew I had it then. I wouldn’t let myself admit it until then. But I knew I had it.’
He saw Patrick bite his lip and he knew he was trying not to cry, he nodded slowly and David closed the gap between them, so he was standing right in front of him.
‘I fell in love with you Patrick Brewer for all the little things you do. For all the times you bring me coffee and muffins. For all the times you text to say goodnight and good morning, even though we’d see each other in an hour. For all the things you’d send me links to because you think they’d look good in the Store even though you’re mostly incorrect.’ Patrick laughed and wiped his eyes. ‘Laughing with me, not at me- ok sometimes at me. For challenging me without putting me down, for believing in me. For having as much fun eating pizza at home as we would in a fancy restaurant.’ he looked up ‘And I love you for the big things. Loving me for me. Not trying to change me. For making me feel safe.’
Patrick smiled softly at him. ‘I love you.’ he said quietly.
David nodded and eased himself down onto one knee. ‘I know you already did this, but in the interest of equality, and a chance to say these things.’ he reached into his pocket for a small box. ‘Patrick Brewer, will you marry me?’
‘Yes.’ Patrick said ‘Of course yes.’
He pulled David towards him by the lapels and kissed him, messy tears from both of them and all, and wrapped himself around David’s neck. After a few moments they pulled themselves upright, and David opened the box. Inside was a plain gold wedding band.
‘This was my Grandad’s.’ he said ‘Dad’s dad.’
Patrick took it out and examined it in the soft light. It was heavy and thick, but also subtle and beautiful.
‘David are you sure…’ he put it in his palm.
‘Yes.’ he said ‘And so is Dad.’ he picked up the ring. ‘Grandpa was born in France, moved to England in his twenties, made it out here just before the war….story goes this was the first thing he owned outright.’ he smiled at it, ‘Dad wore it at events sometimes, but I think it felt too close. He pulled me aside on Saturday, after the madness, and my Mother.’ he rolled his eyes. ‘He said if I wanted to, if you wanted to, Grandpa would be happy with that.’
Patrick felt hot tears on his face.
‘David I…’
‘You don’t have to, we can get you a new ring, not my Grandad’s stupid haunted ring or whatever but-’
Patrick cut his ramblings off short with a kiss. He wrapped his arms around David’s waist and felt him lean in fully, wrapping himself around him and kissing him deeply.
‘Of course, I want it, you, idiot.’
David grinned at him in that magical lopsided way. And Patrick felt himself return it.
‘You look...incredibly handsome tonight by the way.’ Patrick said, and David grinned wider.
‘You still have eyeliner on.’ David replied. Flicking his eyes appreciatively over Patrick’s face.
‘Complaining?’ Patrick asked knowing the answer.
‘Very much not.’ David said, leaning back in for a kiss. They stumbled back onto the chair, somehow making it down without it tumbling over and David perched in his lap, leaning in for a deeper kiss.
They made out slow and deliberate for a long while, but not leading anywhere- so Patrick didn’t have to remind David for once that yes it was inappropriate, and no he wasn’t willing to take the risk. They shifted to light kisses, and Patrick smiled at him.
‘This is magical.’ he said ‘David you have outdone yourself.’
He grinned again and then something clouded his face. Out of nowhere, David jumped off his lap, leaving it a very cold place suddenly, and making him aware of the need to adjust his jeans. But then he was worried because David looked worried.
David felt it wash over him in a wave. The anxiety that had kept creeping all week. He could go from elated to a ball of uncertainty to total meltdown in seconds and only being distracted and busy had stopped that. He paced slightly.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked. He’d asked this many times already this week, half-jokingly to more serious, but he stopped dead now. ‘Really sure? Because if you aren’t I don’t think I’d ever recover.’ he flailed his arms, and Patrick closed the gap between them and stilled them.
‘You know I am.’ he said softly.
‘But what if-’
‘I’m sure.’
‘But-’
‘David, what is it?’
Not for the first time, Patrick’s calm directness cut through his chaos, and he stilled momentarily. David took a breath. He nodded, he could do this, they should do this now, and then move on. He gestured to the chair and Patrick nodded and sat, David, grabbed the other one and sat next to him, sort of in front of him but sort of to the side. Patrick reached for his knee.
‘David just tell me.’
David looked at him, all patient eyes and steadiness. He was being ridiculous he told himself. This was Patrick, he had proposed, but he also had stuck by him through more mess than anyone yet. But his brain wouldn’t let him rest, not until he was sure.
‘I might turn into my mom.’ David said half to the floor. ‘And you might leave-no you would, and it would be perfectly reasonable to leave, because who stays for a mess like that- you deserve more than that, not that my mom deserves it- I mean only very occasionally but not for real, but just nobody stays for that.’
Patrick put a hand on his cheek and he stopped.
‘Your dad stayed.’ he said calmly, ‘Johnny Rose stayed for nearly forty years, and right now he’s sat outside a bedroom closet talking to your mom, giving her water, and pills and food and he has done that every night this week.’
‘How do you know that?’ David furrowed his brow. Nobody knew that, they did their best to keep the worst of it from everyone, to protect her.
‘Stevie.’ Patrick smiled. ‘Don’t be mad she just wanted me to know in case you...weren’t ok.’ he shifted his hand to the back of David’s neck. ‘Are you ok David?’
He rolled his eyes ‘I mean she’s done this like a thousand times, she just used to have a walk-in closet to do it in, and she’ll come out when her meds run out or she wants a new wig or something.’ he looked at Patrick with a shrug.
Patrick didn’t speak he just rubbed his thumb across David’s neck, gently, and looked at him until he dropped his gaze again.
‘She’s done it like our whole lives it’s fine...it’s ‘Moira Rose’ it’s…’ he stopped, feeling his breath short and he tried to steady it. He looked up at Patrick with tears in his eyes. ‘She’s been this way our whole lives.’ he said helplessly. ‘She’s not...I mean she’s super strong, and she’s not crazy- not like that- and she’s not stupid she’s just...damaged by it all.’ he wiped at his eyes.
‘David it’s ok to be upset about your mom.’ Patrick said, reaching back and wiping at his eyes. ‘I would be. I am and she’s not my mom, but I care about her, I want her to be ok, I just didn’t ask because I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.’
‘Oh.’ David’s eyes went wide.
Patrick realised, just as he said it. ‘David, did you think I didn’t care? That I was judging her?’ he smiled ‘David I have a whole list of things I’m judging your mom for, before this, most of them involve the amount of product she takes without paying for. The rest involve some very embarrassing dance rehearsals.’
‘Well if you will wear jeans.’ David muttered.
‘Very fair.’ Patrick said, ‘Hey stand up for me a sec?’
Patrick stood up and offered his hands, pulling David to his feet. When he was there Patrick stepped in and kissed him first, lightly, but full of intent. Then he stepped in again and wrapped his hands around David’s waist, pulling him close, resting his head on his chest, hearing his heart beat. He felt David wrap himself around him, felt him bury his head in his shoulder and stay there. Patrick let them stand there, holding on, for long moments.
‘This is a really long hug.’ David said.
‘Shhh.’ Patrick said with a smile, ‘One more minute.’
He felt David melt into him again and held on for longer than a minute. He was calmer by the time they pulled apart, but he still had to say it.
‘I am very much my mom.’ he said ‘Not just the dramatic tendencies and the clothes. I’m very much my mom.’ he swallowed ‘I might end up in a closet or worse.’ he rolled his eyes ‘I mean not the closet-closet obviously.’ he gestured at himself and Patrick smiled softly, patiently. ‘But I might be crazier than she is, I might...break at some point. I don’t want you getting into this without knowing...that.’
Patrick nodded, listening carefully. He shifted his hands back to David’s waist and rubbed his thumbs back and forth while he spoke, locking his eyes with David’s letting him know he was listening.
‘David, I’m an old fashioned guy.’ he held up a hand to stop David interrupting, and he rested his hands on Patrick’s shoulders, showing he was listening, ‘I’m an old fashioned guy.’ he repeated, ‘So when I ask someone to marry me, I am all in. I’m all in an old fashioned, in sickness and in health kind of way ok?’ he squeezed David’s hips, ‘In a ‘for as long as we both shall live’ way ok? No exceptions. Because I love you in a meet you at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s day, hold roses out of a sunroof, chase you across London to a press conference, or meet you in Riverside Park with my dog kind of way ok?’
‘Is this your way of saying ‘You’ve Got Mail’ is your favourite romcom?’ David asked.
‘Yes, yes it is. For the dog mainly.’ Patrick grinned. ‘David Rose I love you, I want to marry you.’ he reached for David’s hands and pulled them down in front of his chest. ‘I will look after you, always, ok?’
David’s eyes welled up again but he nodded.
‘Even if-’
‘Even if.’ Patrick nodded looking up into his big brown eyes, which at that moment looked more than a little lost. ‘Hey, where’s that ring a second.’
David frowned, and picked up the box from the counter where he’d put it down. Patrick opened it, then took David’s hand and eased off one of his rings. David smiled slowly realising what he was doing.
‘Now I know we’re going to do this with all bells and whistles and probably I don’t know a llama walking you down the aisle or something- that wasn’t a suggestion by the way.’ Patrick flipped David’s hand over and put the ring in it. ‘But I fell in love with you in this Store, and you fell in love with me in this Store, how about we make that promise now as well?’
David closed his palm around the ring and nodded. He somehow decided he was going first, and reached down for Patrick’s hand, holding the ring just away from his finger. He realised his hand was shaking a bit. He took a breath and steadied himself, looking up at Patrick, his eyes locked with his and he was instantly calm again. He nodded and looked down at the ring before beginning.
‘Patrick Bewer.’ he began, ‘I promise to try not to infuriate you with my strong opinions on interior design or your choice of shirt. I also promise to love you for as long as I am alive because you make me better. You make me a good person, sometimes even a nice person.’ Patrick smiled at him, his eyes a little misty, ‘You make me a happy person. A very happy person.’ he slid the ring onto Patrick’s finger and smiled.
Patrick picked up David’s hand and held it for a second, still thinking. ‘David, I will protect you from everything the world throws at either of us forever.’ he smiled, ‘Because you make me feel right.’ his voice cracked on the last word as he slid the ring onto David’s finger, but he smiled.
‘I think it’s traditional to kiss the bride.’ David said softly, sensing Patrick might tip over the edge right now.
‘Oh yeah?’ he replied with a smile, stepping forward and leaning up a fraction, kissing him deeply.
‘I could get used to my husband kissing me.’ David said when they pulled back.
‘I could get used to my husband kissing me.’ Patrick replied.
He grinned at David, whose face was half in shadow in the candlelight, and somehow even more handsome than usual. Patrick spent a moment taking in just how lucky he’d got, not that his boyfriend/fiance/husband was outright beautiful, that was a bonus. The fact that he’d found this ridiculous human, who was somehow the perfect fit for him. All the cliches in the world seemed true when he looked at him; he hadn’t been looking and found the one for him, they were nothing alike yet perfectly in tune, he was the opposite- in so many ways- to what he thought he wanted, he’d found him when he was ready. Above all, he couldn’t imagine life without him.
‘What?’ David smiled.
‘Just admiring the view.’ Patrick smiled and enjoyed David’s half embarrassment half smugness at that. ‘And hey there’s one more tradition.’
He took a step back and held out his hand, flexing his fingers and smiling. David smiled, then held up a hand, pulling out his phone and fussing with it. The music changed, subtly, and Patrick vaguely recognised it. Then it clicked, the song they’d danced to on his birthday, a song he’d half-forgotten from years before. David stepped into him and wrapped his arms around his neck and they swayed to the soft music.
‘I never understood before.
I never knew what love was for.
My heart was broke, my head was sore’
It had been an accident the first time to dance to this but now everything about it felt right. David had listened to this song so many times since that night that it was now in the top five songs on his playlists.
‘Give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me.’
David leaned closer, feeling for the first time in his life he had someone in sync with him. He hadn’t realised how afraid he’d been, he’d let himself get caught up in planning a wedding but in just a week the other stuff threatened to overwhelm him. Patrick had steered him back. Patrick always steered him back. Patrick would always steer him back. He felt him lean in, and his lips brush against his in that teasing way he did when he wanted something more. David smiled into it, dipping his head and swaying with the music.
‘I thought we weren’t allowed to do any of that here?’ he smiled, kissed Patrick back with fervour, teasing him.
‘Might make a wedding night exception.’ Patrick whispered, ‘Be a shame to waste that suit.’
David stopped, ‘Ok you do know this isn’t getting you out of paying for an actual wedding right?’’
Patrick grinned ‘Oh I know.’ he leaned up and kissed David’s neck ‘But I’m enjoying dancing with my husband right now….shhh.’
‘My husband.’ David whispered. Stopping dead for a different reason. Patrick pulled him in and started dancing again, steering him softly around the candlelit store as the music shifted again. His body sure and steady against his, in their Store, he had a husband and a business, he had a future assured for the first time ever. For the first time ever he felt safe.
David leaned down and kissed his husband once more.