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Cartman had never been bothered by Stan and Kyle’s friendship.
Sure, he wished to have someone that was close to him like those two were to each other. And he might get jealous from time to time of what they had. But overall, he was okay with them being best friends. It was part of their group’s dynamic after all.
Plus, he had Kenny, although he knew Kenny wasn’t going to do his goddamn best to save him from dying or write a faggy song to bring him home. Fucking Kenny.
And then there was Butters. But Butters was a douchebag so he hardly counted as a potential best friend.
Most importantly though, Cartman was Kyle’s rival and that was way more important than some stupid little friendship. Friends come and go but rivals? Rivals are forever.
It was for these reasons and many more that it surprised Cartman when Kyle dumped Stan for being a depressing asshole and began hanging more with him, as friends. The fact in itself was shocking enough, Kyle had decided to stop being a little gaywad with Stan. Yet even more impressive was that Kyle had chosen, out of his own volition, to pick Cartman as his new...friend?
And, even though by all means it should be against the universal laws for them to get along, Cartman was enjoying it. He was having a good time playing games with Kyle and watching movies with him and eating ice cream together and all that stupid shit he saw him doing with Stan. And sometimes Kenny was there too but it didn’t really matter if he was or not. He was kind of the background noise.
Cartman had no idea Kyle was pretty cool to hang out with. All this time he thought Kyle was just an annoying asshole that got mad over everything. Well, he still got mad a lot, he was Kyle after all but something had changed. It wasn’t just hostility between them anymore...there was...friendship? And Cartman found himself not wanting this new phase to be over even if it meant Stan was relegated to a background character in his life. It was Stan’s fault anyway, he decided to turn boring for no reason. They didn’t have any obligation to put up with him.
However, he had to admit that it was kind of alarming how little Kyle missed Stan. The most Cartman had noticed was that, sometimes when Kyle and him argued, Kyle would look to his side, as if expecting Stan to agree with him, only to remember he wasn’t there anymore. Yet, instead of looking melancholic or regretful, Kyle would just shrug it off and kept bickering with Cartman. It was weird. Wasn’t Stan his super best friend or whatever gay shit? How could Kyle act so normal about it?
He wondered if Kyle would act the same if Cartman stopped hanging with him. If Kyle would just get someone else to fight with and forget about Cartman completely. He was appalled to discover that....the idea scared him. That he didn’t want Kyle to move on from him, to replace him. He wanted to be special for Kyle.
So when Stan came by their business, drunk and stupid, asking for Kyle, Cartman’s alarms went off. Was he trying to solve things? To make everything the way it used to be? No, no, Cartman wouldn’t let him. Sorry, Stan but your time is over!
Not that he had to do much, after talking for a while, Stan left completely dejected and Cartman assumed Kyle had shot him down. And that made him so happy he found himself smiling the rest of the day. Stupid Stan. Like Kyle would take him back after all that. He was smelling like shit too, god. Was he becoming a useless drunk like his stupid father? Jeez.
Even if that pretty much meant there weren’t any threats on the horizon, Cartman wanted to make sure. He needed to let Kyle know how he felt about it. To make him feel appreciated and whatnot. If anything, Kyle probably thought Stan had been taking him for granted, so he got tired and left. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake.
So when their working journey was over and Kenny and Butters left, Cartman approached the redhead. “Kyle…” He started, a little hesitant.
Hardworking as ever, Kyle was busy cleaning the grill. “Yeah?” He answered, wiping the grates with the cloth.
“I just wanted to tell you that...uh…” Surprisingly, words didn’t come to him easily, despite being so experienced at manipulating people with his words. “Well...uhm…” Cartman scratched his head. “Hm…”
Thrown off, Kyle stopped what he was doing and stared at him, both eyebrows raised.
Jesus Christ, he was feeling so embarrassed now. “It’s just that…” The boy forced a smile. “It’s been nice, uh, working together...and stuff…?” Cartman rubbed his sweaty palms on the back of his pants.
Little by little, his friend’s eyes opened wide yet his mouth remained closed. Why wouldn’t he say anything?! He was trying his damndest best here! Ungrateful jew!
“What I’m trying to say is…” Cartman desperately rubbed his sweaty palms on the back of his pants. “The past few weeks...have been fun...and...cool...” Tentative, he raised his eyes to Kyle.
The guy had the most skeptical expression, as if waiting for some kinda sick punchline from Cartman. What an asshole. Maybe he should give it to him. Except, no, for once Cartman wanted to talk about how he actually felt.
“Listen…” He was starting to get frustrated. “I’m just saying that I like you, okay!” He exclaimed, perhaps louder than he had planned to.
Silence fell between them as he watched Kyle’s jaw drop in slow motion, at the same time that his face grew a little pink...and then red...and redder...What? Why was he blushing? Was what Cartman said really that impressive? He just said he liked hi- wait, no, no, no, fuck, no! That’s not what he meant! Not like that! Fuck! “Wait, wait, wait!” Cartman waved his arms dramatically. “Like, as a friend! I like being friends with you!”
Well, as difficult to say that had been, it was miles away less embarrassing than accidentally confessing to your rival. Cartman smirked a little, proud of himself and hoping for Kyle to appreciate his effort.
Instead, Kyle’s expression became impassive as he averted his gaze. After a few seconds, he turned around, going back to his cleaning duties. “I see.” Cartman barely heard him over the scrubbing.
Seriously?
Fucking seriously?!
Here was Cartman, telling him he enjoyed being friends with him, as opposed to what their entire relationship had been and all this motherfucker had to say was I fucking see?! What was he, speech-impaired?! Way to be an ingrate dick!
He couldn’t have been blamed if he decided to quit trying with the jew but Cartman was a man of persistence, he wasn’t going to drop it there, this was important god damn it!
“I wasn’t trying to pull a prank just now.” The brunette clarified, somber.
“Sure you weren’t, Cartman.” Kyle didn’t even bother to look at him when he replied, clearly more interested in cleaning the stupid fucking grill.
“I wasn’t!”” Cartman insisted. “I just got- I-I got overwhelmed and screwed up!” There he was tripping with his words again, what the fuck was up with him today?”
Kyle stopped and squinted at him in disbelief. “You got overwhelmed?”
“Yeah!” The other accidentally yelled. “I’m just not used to talking about this stuff, okay!”
Crossing his arms, Kyle rested his butt on the grill. “You’re not used to telling your friends they mean something to you?”
Why the fuck was this ginger being such a smartass now? He knew Cartman, he knew how they were, why wasn’t he embracing this milestone instead of complaining like a goddamn bitch? Then again, this was so like him. Always finding something to cry about. Jerk.
Suddenly, Kyle seemed to realize how annoying he was being and deflated. “I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I guess I’m still on the edge because of Stan coming over and stuff…”
Made sense, Cartman guessed. Perhaps this hadn’t been such a great timing after all. “Are you worried about him?” For some reason, his pulse started accelerating when he said that.
“Mh?” Kyle gazed at him. “No, he’s not my problem anymore. It was just upsetting to see what he’s become, you know?” His eyes then moved to the empty house next to Cartman’s. “To think that was my best friend until not so long ago…”
Well, this was awkward. Kyle rarely, if not pretty much never, confided in Cartman. That was Stan’s job. So Cartman wasn’t sure what to say that didn’t sound extremely insensitive to the situation. Kyle’s vulnerability was a privilege to witness and he didn’t want to ruin the moment.
“Kyle…”
“I don’t regret it, though!” His friend continued. “Life goes on and…” Kyle turned his attention to Cartman. “I’m glad I’m with Cartman Burger.” He smiled genuinely at him.
Ignoring the beating of his heart, Cartman gave a boisterous laugh. “You’re damn right, jew! This business is gonna keep prospering! Soon we’ll be so rich we won’t have to go back to school anymore!” He assured with enthusiasm
Kyle chuckled. “I’ll hold you to that, fat ass.” He declared and flicked Cartman’s forehead before picking up his backpack. “I guess I’m done for the day. See you tomorrow!” He bid his friend farewell and began walking.
Stupefied, Cartman touched his forehead as he watched Kyle go. Stan was an idiot, a real idiot. He hadn’t appreciated what he had in front of him and now it was too late. What a moron. Not that Cartman was going to take pity on him, though. Screw Stan, it was the beginning of a new era. The Cartman Era.
“Oh, and Cartman?” Kyle came to a halt.
“Yeah?” The other boy inadvertently squeaked.
Intense green eyes pierced through him. “I like it too.” Kyle grinned and resumed walking, humming a song Cartman couldn’t recognize.
Some unknown warmth spread inside Cartman’s body as the inside of his stomach tickled him. Before he realized, he was beaming like an idiot, filled with a thrill unknown to him. If this was how real friendship felt like, then it wasn’t half bad.