Chapter Text
Maya smiled when she heard her phone ringing and answered the call.
“Hey beautiful we freaking miss you.”
Carina smiled at Maya beyond happy. “Mi mancate.” Carina said.
She tried to hide the tiredness and exhaustion in her voice.
Maya had looked up from her phone “Luana do you know who is on the phone?”
Maya had switched the camera around so that Carina could see her but Luana couldn’t yet. The little girl looked up her eyes shining full of excitement.
“Mamma Mamma Mammi” she said excited, quickly stumbling to Maya.
When she tripped Maya catched her.
“Slow down curly girl. Mammi is not going anywhere”
Maya sat with Luana in the rocking chair switching the camera back around.
“Ciao mia piccola figlia.” Carina said to their little girl.
“Mammi” Luana smiled her biggest smile.
“You ready for bed piccolina?”
Luana smiled cuddling into Mayas chest. Maya kissed her on the forehead looking at Carina. She knows that Carina tried her best to hide her tears.
“Ok bambina I will go now so that you can put our little girl to bed.” Carina said
“No baby you will stay right here with us.”
Maya positioned the phone so Carina could see Luana, but Maya doesn’t have to hold it so she could cuddle with their little girl. She put a blanket over Luana and gave her her teddy bear.
“Mamma canta?”
“Of course piccolo sole. Sogni d’oro. Ti amo.”
“Amo” Luana smiled
“Love you baby girl” Maya smiled holding Luana tight to her chest when Carina started singing.
Less than 10 minutes later their little one was in dreamland, sleeping with a smile on her face.
“Grazie bambina.”
“For what?”
“For letting me stay on the phone.”
Maya smiled sadly. “You never have to thank me for that baby and now talk to me please.”
A single tear streamed down Carinas cheek.
“This conference sucks. I only want to come home. My anxiety is up all day. I want to be in your arms.” She whispered the last part, crying bitterly now.
“Hey hey baby look at me. We are here we got you and tomorrow you come home. I love you Carina. Only one more night you got this.”
Maya smiled at her desperately wanting to take her in her arms.
“Come baby let’s go to bed lay the phone on the bed. I will do the same so you can see us. We are here. We love you.”
“Ti amo”
Maya gently lifted Luana in her arms and went into their bedroom laying down with their little girl in her arms. She was laying on her back looking at Carina.
“She is stealing my place.” Carina pouted with a smile.
Maya laughed. “Cuddling in my chest will always belong to you. But baby you have to share.”
“I will but only with her.” Carina pointed out.
“And what will you do, when there is another little one?” Maya smiled at the confused look of her wife that turned into a bright smile in the next second.
“Davvero?”
“You remember the dream I told you about over I don’t know maybe one and a half years ago?”
“Si of course.”
“I’m thinking a lot about it lately honestly.”
Maya gently turned with Luana on her side so that she had a better look at her girl. Luana instantly cuddled into Maya again.
“Four bambini?”
“I don’t know about the number baby but giving her love and a home was the best thing I ever did in my life among changing my mind and saying maybe not to the drink you offered me and marrying you and of course loving you and ...” Maya began rambling so fast.
“Bambina hey stop. Breath for a second.”
Maya looked at her smiling girl and took some deep breaths.
“I never knew I can give this love especially to a child and I am still so often a nervous wreck and I will be every time if we give another little one a home but you showed me that I can and you two love me like I love you and I just want to give it to other ones who doesn’t have this chance and maybe are waiting or will be waiting for us. Of course only if you want to because I’m only doing this with you.”
Tears were streaming down Carinas cheeks.
“No baby I didn’t want to make you cry. I am sorry we don’t have to …”
“Bambina stop.” Carina stopped her rambling smiling so wide.
“I want to hold you so bad right now. Of course I do Maya. Si si si. I feel the same. You just made me speechless and and and”
Maya smiled at her girl wanting nothing more than to hold her in her arms right now.
“Ok hey baby look at me. We will talk about it more when you are back home okay?”
Carina nodded with a smile.
“But you know baby then you have to share with others beside our curly girl here.”
Carina laughed before she pouted.
“Don’t worry baby no matter how many bambini my heart belongs always to you and them and I will hold you forever.”
“Bambina you are making me cry.” Carina pointed out trying to keep her serious tone but failing miserably and getting soft.
“Ti amo. I will do the same. Il mio cuore è il tuo cuore.”
“I love you.”
Maya looked at her girl smiling. “Let’s go to sleep baby. The faster you sleep the faster you will be home with us.”
“Buonanotte bambina. Hold her tight for me per favore.”
“Always” Maya said cuddling Luana tight to her chest before she closed her eyes.
The thoughts were racing in Carinas head. She just couldn’t calm down.
After a while Maya opened her eyes. “I hear you thinking baby.”
“Do you think it’s pathetic to just want to be in your wifes arms and cuddle your piccolina principessa when you are only one week away and thought you were a badass and strong and wouldn’t show your weakness so easy and struggling with anxiety although you are working on it for years.?” Carina asked in a small voice.
“When Luana is older and asks you if tears are a symbol of weakness what would you tell her?”
Maya smiled when she saw the fire in her girls eyes.
“I would tell her that tears are showing that you feel and that your feelings are true and human and that the ability to show these feelings so true make you strong because showing vulnerability is brave and strong.”
“And when she asks you what it means to be a badass?”
“That it means to know that you have so much strength but that you have weaknesses too and that’s absolutely normal and human and that it doesn’t make you weak. It means that you talk about your feelings and what’s on your mind, that you talk about it. It means that you care and think of others but also think about yourself and to fight for who and what you love.”
“Ok the last one what would you tell her if she asks you if it is bad to love to be held and to cuddle and if it makes you weak when you love it when you are older?”
“That this is love and loving to be held and to cuddle doesn’t make you weak it makes you feel this love in your way and that nothing is wrong with that because it is important to you. It comes from your heart and your heart is so beautiful and deserves all this love you give others too.”
A tear streamed down Mayas face and she saw them flowing down Carinas cheeks too.
“Now bambina can you answer my question per favore?”
“No.”
“No?”
“You answered it.”
She laughed at the confusion on her girls face.
“But…”
“No but baby. Everything you said and how you say it coming right from your heart is one of the many reasons why you are the love of my life, why you are the most wonderful mamma. I love you so much baby and everything you said you try to teach me every single day. You have to believe it for you too.”
Carina was not looking at Maya.
“You are allowed to feel all these feelings baby, you are allowed to show me them, you are allowed to cry and be anxious and vulnerable and just want to be home, you are allowed to just want to be held because all these things doesn’t make you weak, they just make you human they make you you, because you care because you feel with your whole heart. You don’t have to hide them and if someone thinks you are weak don’t listen because showing your feelings makes you strong. Baby you have the biggest heart don’t hide it’s feelings. Not from me not from Luana because we love you for it among so many other things and nothing is gonna change that.”
Maya saw Carina fighting with herself.
“Hey baby look at me please.”
Carina looked at Maya unable to form any words, tears streaming down her cheeks. She loves her so freaking much.
“You don’t have to say anything baby I see it all in your eyes.”
They were just laying there looking at each other. Neither of them would have thought that they would get to a point where they simply don’t need any words, where they understood each other perfectly without them.
After half an hour Carina whispered “Ti amo bambina e grazie mille.”
“All I do is loving you baby I love you so freakin much.”
They smiled at each other.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Maya had told Carina that they were meeting her at home, but she and Luana were at the airport waiting. When she saw Carina come out the pass control she smiled leaning down to Luana and stood her on the ground.
“Look baby”
When Luana saw Carina. She stumbled forward. “Mamma Mamma Mammi”
Then Carina saw her and Maya was so grateful that she had started a video because that smile on Carinas face was so pure love that she felt herself tear up. Carina instantly let go of everything, ran and fall to her knees with wide arms catching Luana. She stood up meeting Maya halfway and took her in their embrace.
They were standing there hugging each other such as if time would stand still.
“Mamma home” Luana whispered.
“Yeah baby mammi is back home.”
Maya felt the tension slowly leaving Carinas body and exhaustion take over her. Maya kissed Carina on the side of her head and went to pick up her stuff.
“Let’s go home.”
Luana laid her head in the crook of Carinas neck and clinged to her. Carina gently stroked Luanas back and walked beside Maya. She felt insecure, disrupted and anxious but at the same time unbelievable relieved to be finally home. When Carina sat Luana in her car seat she began to tremble a little.
“No piccolina principessa it’s ok we are going home.” Carina said, looked worried at Maya and sat beside Luana in the back of the car.
“Ciao mia piccolina.” Carina smiles at her taking her hand. “I’m not leaving I promise.”
She looked at Maya in the mirror who smiled reassuringly at her.
“Casa” Luana asked.
“Si casa mia piccolina”
A tear fell down Carinas cheek and she quickly brushed it away that Luana did not see it but Maya noticed. She knows her girl better than herself.
When they got home they quickly changed into more comfortable clothes, before they went on the couch. They were sitting side by side, Luana on Carinas lab holding tight onto her hand and her little feet on Mayas lab. She reached out her little hand cupping Carinas cheek.
“Mammi cuddle?”
Carina smiled, fighting to hold back her tears.
“Si piccolina principessa. Ti amo. Come here.”
Luana climbed up and brushed her nose against Carinas.
“Amo Mamma”
Then she hugged Carinas neck and laid her head in the crook of it. Carina hold her tight stroking her hair and Luana reached out her hand for Maya who kissed her on the forehead and took her hand. Luana smiled and was in dreamland in an instant.
Tears were streaming down Carinas cheeks and they just sat there being together. Maya kissed Carina on the side of her head seeing her eyes were closed and she was crying. She gently lifted Luana from Carinas chest and laid her down on her other side against the couch cushions handing her her teddy bear whom the little girl cuddled against her chest. She smiled and turned around.
“Come here baby.”
She slowly pulled Carina into her arms who hold onto Maya for dear life. Maya cupped her cheek, resting her forehead against Carinas waiting for her to open her eyes.
“Hi beautiful.” she whispered. “Welcome home.”
“Ciao bambina.” Carina whispered through her tears.
“Mi siete mancati cosi tanto ragazzi. Non posso credere di essere a casa adesso.”
Maya smiled at her. “You have no idea baby.”
“Noi siamo angeli con un’ala sola.” Carina looked at her.
„Solo abbraciati possiamo volare.“
Carina cuddled into Maya, reaching out for Luana who instantly took her hand. She finally felt home safe und unbelievable loved.
“See it belongs to you.” Maya whispered with a smile.
“Si and I will always share with i nostri figli piccoli.”
“That sounds beautiful.”
“Ti amo bambina.”
“I love you so much.”