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Ranboo stared at his reflection in the mirror, avoiding making eye contact with himself because annoyingly enough that still set off the part of his mind that screamed aggression and anxiety whenever someone looked him in the eyes. Including himself.
He traced the tear scars down his cheeks with his finger, clenching his jaw as they stung from fresh tears earlier. He had been crying, he hadn’t meant to. He woke up later than normal, the sunlight streaming in through the open blinds overwhelming him and sending him into a spiral. His heart still fluttered from it and Ranboo clenched his hands, his claws digging into his palms. Everything still felt wrong.
Ranboo must’ve forgotten to shut the blinds before he went to sleep. But it didn’t matter now, he shut them as soon as he had been able to get out of bed. And now he had things to do, that didn’t involve staring dreadfully at his reflection while he waited for the dreadful feeling to pass.
Yet, he stood there for a few more minutes, tugging at his ears and brushing his hair out so it would lay flat (every time he moved to do something else it poofed back up). Ranboo eventually gave up on his hair and forced himself to look away from the mirror, patting his hair down as he moved to get dressed.
He shivered, his house had not been very well built for the cold, and Techno reminded him of that almost every day. It was with more concern than judgment, but Ranboo hadn’t gotten around to fixing anything yet. And he hadn’t frozen to death yet so that must’ve meant that it was decent.
If he ignored all the nights that Phil had invited him over and Ranboo had agreed quickly because his teeth were chattering so hard and no matter how many blankets he had he couldn’t get warm again. And how it felt like the temperature outside in his own house. Then his house was completely fine.
He stared at his box of jewelry for a while debating if he should. It just seemed to make him colder the longer he was outside but the nagging feeling in his stomach forced him to put at least a couple earrings in for comfort. The dangly ones that would jingle when his ears flicked or when he turned his head, he liked the sound they made. He wasn’t in the mood to put on the whole set of jewelry.
Ranboo heard shuffling from outside and before he could try and decipher if it was a mob or one of his neighbors, there was a knock at the door. Ranboo stumbled down the stairs to answer it, pulling his shirt over his head as he walked and he swiftly pulled the door open to reveal Phil. His wings fluffed up behind him underneath the thin winter cloak he wore.
It was a warm-ish day, warmer than usual where you could wear a lighter cloak but still, Ranboo shivered when he opened the door. Anxiety was gnawing a giant pit in his stomach, eating at the remnants from when he woke up. His tail lashed back and forth behind him.
Phil looked Ranboo up and down, his eyes darting over Ranboo’s face with a practiced expression. Ranboo didn’t like the way he was staring at him and rubbed his arm awkwardly, staring at the clasp on Phil’s cloak.
“Hey Phil,” Ranboo greeted with a small smile, “what brings you here?”
“Oh, just thought I’d say hi,” Phil shrugged, “see how you were doing, it seems like ages since I last talked to you.”
Ranboo shifted his weight from foot to foot, realizing that he wasn’t wearing shoes and feeling a rush of embarrassment. His paw pads ached on the cold stone floor and he really hoped that Phil wouldn’t notice his feet.
“Yeah… it’s been a while huh,” Ranboo muttered, rubbing the back of his neck wondering if it would be weird to briefly excuse himself from the conversation to go put his boots on. His ear twitched and his earrings jingled. He noticed Phil’s eyes go to the earrings.
“And also, Techno has been out for a bit and I was wondering if you wanted to come over for breakfast since it’s kind of lonely when I eat breakfast by myself,” Phil said, laughing, “if you haven’t already eaten that is.”
Even with his stomach growling, his hunger borderline painful, Ranboo didn’t know if having breakfast with Phil would be a good idea. All Ranboo wanted to do at the moment was curl back up in his bed, shut the blinds tightly and press his face into his pillow so no light would be able to get through. But curse his mouth being faster than his thoughts and the way that in-person conversations had to be.
“No…” Ranboo muttered, then realized how rude he sounded, “I mean no as in I haven’t eaten yet! Breakfast sounds nice…” Ranboo bit his tongue to keep from making a soft warble at his own embarrassment.
Phil just smiled and nodded, pulling his cloak around himself tighter, “of course! I’ll be at the cabin, you can join me whenever you’re ready.”
“Alright! Thanks, Phil,” Ranboo looked up for a second and their eyes met. Ranboo quickly looked away and waited until Phil had walked a few paces away before he shut the door. He leaned his back against it, burying his face in his hands. Why had he agreed to that?
Phil would’ve understood if he had said no. Well… considering it was a Saturday and Ranboo rarely had anything planned on Saturdays Phil might’ve gotten offended if he had declined. He didn’t want to lose Phil’s respect. So it was a good thing that he had accepted?
Ranboo pushed himself off from the door, Phil would be waiting for him and he still had to make the trek over to Phil and Techno’s cabin. Ranboo pulled his boots on quickly, tying the laces tightly and clasping his cloak around his shoulders.
When he opened the door again, Ranboo froze, squeezing his eyes shut at the sudden change in light. Ranboo took a deep breath and squinted, his eyes nearly closed. It was going to be one of those days, all Ranboo had to hope for was that when he went to bed tonight he would wake up in the same spot in the morning.
Ranboo pulled his hood over his head as low as he could with his horns getting in the way and stumbled the short walk to Phil and Techno’s cabin. Snow piled up around his footsteps and he was thankful for once of his height which made the snow not as deep on him. Which meant less chance of burns.
The steps on the porch were slippery and Ranboo barely managed to not slip and fall, knocking on the door, his hand already freezing from the short walk through the snow. Phil answered it quickly and smiled brightly as if he hadn’t just talked to Ranboo less than fifteen minutes ago.
“Come on in!” Phil said, pulling the door open wider, “I’m making eggs and french toast.”
“Do you need some help cooking?” Ranboo asked, his tail swishing back and forth as he stepped through the doorway, bending down so as to not knock his head. Phil waved his hand dismissively.
“No, no, I got it,” he insisted, “you can leave your boots and coat by the door.”
Ranboo licked his lips and nodded, hanging his cloak up on one of the hooks near the front door and reluctantly pulling his boots off as well. He hissed lightly as he stepped in a puddle of water that had collected from the snow on his boots.
Despite what Phil said, Ranboo hovered by the doorway to the kitchen, wringing his hands nervously. Phil seemed to understand that Ranboo wasn’t just going to settle down unless he helped somehow.
“You can crack and whisk the eggs if you’d like,” Phil said, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. He looked over his shoulder at Ranboo, who nodded.
Ranboo’s hands shook as he hunched over the counter. He wasn’t very good at cracking eggs, his hands were way too big he figured. And the knowledge that Phil was watching him and would be there to judge his work made his hands shake.
Phil didn’t say anything as he cracked the eggs and poured them into a bowl, whisking them carefully. But he did look over out of the corner of his eye, his lip quirking up into a small smile.
They worked in silence, Ranboo’s tail swishing back and forth against the ground. When he had finished whisking the eggs he offered the bowl to Phil quietly who thanked Ranboo and took it from him. Ranboo stood off to the side of the kitchen not knowing what to do with his hands. He watched Phil cooking awkwardly, trying to push down the faint enderman noises that bubbled up his throat.
He hated how the sounds came easier than words today.
“You can go sit down if you’d like, I’m almost finished,” Phil said, glancing over at Ranboo who stood rooted in place, “actually if you could get the plates down from the cabinet I would really appreciate it. I think Techno forgets I’m short sometimes.”
“Okay…”
Ranboo opened the cabinet that Phil had directed him to, pulling two plates off of the highest shelf. He moved to set them down on the counter when he stumbled on his tail, one of the plates slipping from his hands and shattering on the ground with a loud crash that startled Ranboo half to death. Ranboo jumped back, his eyes wide. The noise seemed to echo in his mind, repeating and reverberating causing his ears to ring. His heart hammered in his chest, he drooped his ears.
“Woah jeez! Are you okay?” Phil asked, quickly turning from the stove. He spread his wings slightly, his feathers fluffing up.
“I’m sorry… I…” Ranboo clenched his jaw, holding on tightly to the other plate, his claws digging into the porcelain unintentionally. He pulled his other hand close to his chest, backing up. His mind was buzzing which muffled the other sounds in the room.
“It’s okay, it was an accident,” Phil chuckled weakly, rubbing at the back of his neck. He didn’t seem to notice the way that Ranboo shrunk in on himself, his tail wrapping around his leg as he backed up away from the broken porcelain. His knees shook.
“Sorry… I didn’t mean to… sorry…” Ranboo bit down hard on his lower lip to keep the distressed chirps and warbles down as he stared at the shards on the floor. His chest constricted painfully with each breath. Ranboo couldn’t move, his hands shaking so bad he was afraid that he was going to drop the second plate.
“Ranboo it’s okay, are you hurt?” Phil asked, looking up from the broken plate on the floor. His eyes widened upon seeing Ranboo and Phil immediately held his hands up in front of himself in a placating gesture. Ranboo had his gaze focused on the ground, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes that steamed and stung against his skin. His chest heaved with each breath.
The sunlight that spilled in from the open blinds hurt his eyes and the sound of wind blowing against the window mixed with the fire crackling under the stove. The buzzing in his mind got worse.
“Hey, Ranboo, you’re okay, the plate is no big deal I can make more,” Phil stepped over the shards on the ground, careful not to step on any smaller pieces. He kept his hands up in front of himself, approaching Ranboo carefully. Though as soon as he got within arms distance of Ranboo, the enderman hybrid seemed to come out of whatever stupor he was in.
Ranboo flinched and stumbled back away from Phil, the other plate still in his hand, clutched close to his chest almost protectively. He didn’t say anything but the way his eyes were blown wide and his ears pinned against his skull with his entire body trembling violently was enough to figure that he was panicking. Phil stepped back, making a small noise in the back of his throat.
“Ranboo you’re okay, breathe…” Phil said, “it’s okay.”
Ranboo shook his head, pulling his eyes away from the plate on the floor and squeezing his eyes shut. His back hit the counter and he slid down until he was sitting on the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest. Phil crept closer again, with more caution this time. He reached out and gently pried the other plate from Ranboo’s hands, Ranboo let go easily. Phil put it on the counter away from the edge.
“Hey, Ranboo, I’m not mad, it was an accident. We can clean it up and it’ll be alright,” Phil explained, “It’s okay.”
Ranboo ducked his head, bringing his hands up to his ears with a low whine. He rubbed his ears, tugging lightly on his earrings. His claws—which were not normally extended—scratched at his skin.
Phil furrowed his eyebrows, confused by what he was doing, he’d never seen Ranboo do that before. And he’d seen Ranboo have a good few breakdowns.
“Breathe…” Phil coaxed when Ranboo’s breathing continued heavy and labored. Ranboo’s breath hitched, tears rolling down his cheeks. He was trembling like a leaf, the end of his tail whipping back and forth from where it was wrapped around his leg.
“Are you okay if I touch you?” Phil asked as gently as possible. Ranboo gave no indication that he had even heard Phil, so Phil didn’t move. Ranboo flexed his paws, pulling his knees closer to his chest. He pressed his forehead against them, covering his ears completely now.
He whimpered and let out low breathy whines as he struggled to get his breathing under control. He cried silently as tears rolled down his face leaving the already irritated tracks down his cheeks even more irritated, steam licking the air.
Phil waited there with him, crouched on the ground next to the porcelain shards, whispering reassurances and reminders to breathe that Phil was pretty sure Ranboo couldn’t even hear. For all he knew it could’ve been making things worse.
The small distressed chirps that Ranboo was making caused Phil’s heart to clench painfully, he didn’t know what he could do to help if there was anything. Ranboo was hurting and there was nothing he could think of to try and help besides sitting there with him (and god Phil was really hoping that wasn’t making it worse).
Thankfully, his presence didn’t seem to affect Ranboo negatively (or at all). Because after what felt like hours, he pulled his hands away from his ears, his face still pressed against his knees.
“You’re okay,” Phil whispered, “are you okay if I touch you?”
Ranboo nodded after hesitating for a few seconds. Phil scooted closer so that he was sitting against the counter as well. He wrapped one of his wings around Ranboo who didn’t move at the change in position.
“I’m sorry…” Ranboo muttered, his voice hoarse, “I… I’m…”
“You don’t need to be sorry.”
“The plate… I… I shouldn’t have… freaked out… I’m… I’m sorry…” Ranboo barely peeked up over his knees, squinting at Phil.
“I’m not mad about the plate, we have tons of plates and I can easily make a new one. I was worried that you got hurt by it.”
Ranboo shook his head. His earrings jangled and Ranboo flinched.
“It…” Ranboo licked his lips, “sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Phil said with a small exhale. His feathers brushed against Ranboo’s arm. He took hold of one of Ranboo’s hands, loose enough that if Ranboo wanted he could pull away. But Ranboo gripped on tightly.
“Loud… sorry… bad day…” Ranboo made a small warble from the back of his throat and he winced.
“Was it the crash that set you off?” Phil asked and Ranboo nodded.
“I feel bad too… broke your plate…”
“It’s okay, really.” Phil insisted.
Ranboo leaned against Phil’s side, his tail snaking around Phil’s arm from where it had been previously tightly coiled around Ranboo’s leg. Ranboo didn’t say anything else, curled against Phil’s side even though he was at least double Phil’s size.
“I should get this cleaned up,” Phil said when Ranboo seemed to have calmed down almost fully. Ranboo nodded but didn’t say anything. Phil stood up, stretching his wings and arms out. When he stood he smelled something burning and his eyes widened.
“Oh god, I forgot about the eggs!”