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Kaeya stood in front of him, his fake smile causing nothing but sadness anymore. Diluc answered with the same, hoping Kaeya would believe in this trick.
“We want to talk.” He says.
Lumine looked at him with curiosity mixed into her general bored expression, sitting in a distance enough for not participating in but still listening to the conversation. Two men beside her kept sharing glances every now and then, communicating wordlessly.
“You had to have the last word, huh?” He laughed nervously. “Or what? Varka sent you, instead of coming by himself? Why, does he hope that I’ll agree on anything you want to offer, just because you’re the messenger?”
Diluc gritted his teeth. Kaeya was affraid it might work. He still considered him someone close. It was Diluc’s recent discovery, something definitely beyond fixing now.
He left. They already knew he joined The Abyss Order. He was their prince. Diluc felt emptiness eating him up. Up till now he kept living like he had time, lots of time, and there never was the right moment. Kaeya was so irritating and knowing it was just a mask did not help seeing past it. Admitting his own feelings out loud was too difficult so he kept procrastinating.
Now he’s gone. Diluc stood in his room in Ordo’s dormitory. He always thought Kaeya lived in some kind of luxurious apartment but…
One small room with very few furniture, very few private things, so impersonal. His heart squeezed in pain, when he started reading the letter for the fifth time.
I loved you. But I have given up my illusions that day so don’t question my choice now, there was time for that. I am tired of all the lies. I am tired of looking at you. I don’t want to see you for the rest of my life. Try to respect that.
No addressee, no signature. Just a short message left on the desk in his room. Kaeya knew they will find it eventually and call for Diluc. Neatly written letters carried a message.
It was easy to decipher.
I still love you. I kept hoping untill the end. I know you will try to turn me back eventually, but don't. I can’t stand the loneliness anymore. I can’t stand it with you so close yet so far away. I hope it will fade once I’ll stop seeing you around. Please, don’t mess with my heart and don’t show up.
Diluc tried to turn all the emotions into a productive anger.
“I won’t try to persuade you.”
It was hard to say that. Firstly, because his whole soul screamed come back with me , and secondly, because of what he promised to do. Diluc looked around. “Let’s go outside.” He added, gesturing for a glass door on his left.
Kaeya nodded.
“Don’t let him provoke you.” Lumine said, watching them leaving. Diluc just headed to the balcony. It was small. They had to close the distance. Diluc was used to restraining from physical contact but this time it was harder. The urge to catch his hair, put it behind the ear, to touch the lower lip with his thumb, it was clouding his mind. He forced himself to focus.
“We know you want your revenge on Celestia. But you are aware Tsaritsa already stole gnosis from Barbatos. What else do you want from Mondstadt?”
“Quit with that ‘we’ thing.” Kaeya spread his hands. “Speak for yourself. You are The Uncrowned King of Mondstadt, aren’t you?” He mocked him.
Diluc didn’t know how to answer so he didn’t. They looked at each other for a few moments. “Why you keep attacking your own city?” He added quietly.
For a split second Kaeya looked like vomiting.
“It never was my city.”
The army stationed under their feet.
Diluc gasped. They were looking at him with expectation in the eye. Jean, Venti-The-Fucking-Bard-Barbatos, Aether, all captains and some knights present at the meeting.
“You cannot expect ME to do this.” He said quietly.
“You’re the only one from whom he won’t foresee it coming.”
Because he knew I would never… His head was spinning.
The Abyss Order had to be stopped as their revenge threatened the whole world. Snezhnaya, sharing some of their goals, joined the war. Fatui, the strongest army among the seven nations, was wreaking havoc, leaving behind just death and burned or frozen villages. Mondstadt was currently between two enemy armies, not prepared to fight on two fronts. Whole Teyvat was on its knees.
Kaeya was at the head of the Abyss’ army, hand in hand with Lumine. On the other side was Tsaritsa with some ex-Archons.
Mondstadt had no chance against them. Without their best strategists they spent weeks before reaching one and only way to at least stand to and try their best in the next battles. The plan was simple. To deprive Khaenri’ah of hope, of their messiah, savior and hero and thus eliminate one of two armies. They had to kill prince Kaeya Alberich. In front of everyone.
“I need to think.”
He left the room instantly. In just few steps he was outside the Headquarters and almost running forward. Passers-by gazed at him, as it was the first time in years, he was without his dispassionate mask.
Diluc leaved the city and headed to the Winery. He needed to be alone.
Few steps later his legs refused to cooperate. He fell to his knees and started shaking.
No, no, no... He couldn’t do it. Not then and not ever.
“Oh, please. Shut the fuck up already.” He whispered and closed the distance even more. Seeing Kaeya did not object he grabbed his head in a firm grip and hugged him tightly. His right hand loosened the blockade and the poisoned dagger immersed into Kaeya’s body.
Kaeya coughed. Diluc held him strongly. His face was burried in Kaeya’s furry cape, as he was incapable to look him in the eye. Tears finally left him. He was crying. All the memories from their shared past crossed his mind and he finally cried.
“I was so wrong.”
“No, Diluc. You did well. You did the right thing. You always do. Keep protecting Mondstadt.”
Was it too late? Could they just run somewhere far away and start anew?
“I thought I did it but I never freed myself from lies.” Kaeya whispered. His voice was weak. “I’m glad it’s over.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kaeya’s body went limp. Diluc started to shake.
He was scared. Not fully apprehending what just happened. His father was dying in his arms, screaming and Diluc didn’t know what he was supposed to do.
Or, he knew what he should do but refused to accept it. But his father screamed, his body shook in convultions. It tore his heart to watch him in such pain. Blood flood out in amount he never knew a human body could contain. He started panicking. He knew nothing about healing but this… This looked like beyond fixing, even with a healer right beside him. And they were already far from Mondstadt’s gates. His father was going to die here, on his knees, in a enormous pain.
Crying, he grabbed a knife with shaking hands and repeating ‘sorry, I’m sorry’ like a mantra, he stabbed him, to end his suffering.
He never cried since that day. Not until now, when another person he loved, was dying in his arms, from his knife, because of him.
“I love you.”
Diluc wasn’t sure if his whisper reached Kaeya’s fading consciousness. He thought saying it would lift some weight from him but it was the opposite.
He let Kaeya’s body slide down to the floor. His dagger, covered in blood, fell on the ground with a loud clank.
Diluc understood it was pretty much a suicide mission but his body worked on it’s own, trained to react few steps ahead of the opponent. So by the time Lumine get to the balcony, Diluc was two roofs away from the Abyss’ headquarters, watching the chaos exploding at the sight of their prince’s death.
He made it. He wished he didn’t. He would rather spend whole eternity imprisoned, tortured, finding it adequate for what he did to Kaeya, now and then. He deserved to die. Yet, he stood in the gate of the City of Mondstadt, affraid to step in.
They were celebrating.
He was choking.
The cage of araising guilt was tightening around him, depriving him of the air. Smiles on people’s faces, on Jean’s face, her relieved expression will haunt him till the end.
Jean’s happiness evaporated the second she saw him. She tried to approach him, probably to say something useless. Diluc felt out of place.
Now he understood.
Mondstadt was no longer his home. It never actually was. His father and his little sworn brother were his home. Without them, Mondstadt was just buldings and streets, filled with strangers. He only realized it too late.