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Logan watches as Thomas and the rest of the Light Sides smile at their outing with Nico. He knows being with Nico helps Thomas feel better, but he also knows that going home to the mess of an apartment will be counteractive to the good emotions that Thomas feels when he does anything with Nico.
Why can’t he see that Logan’s just trying to
help?
He sinks out. He can’t be here. He needs time. Make a new schedule. See what he did earlier today and figure out how to at least get Thomas to finish the laundry. He rises in his room to see a familiar green sash laying face first on the soft blue rug in front of his bed.
“Remus.” Logan nods, acknowledging the darker side of creativity (or maybe just the dark side of creativity? Roman never strays too far from Disney levels of family friendly. What would Remus’s ideal story be? How would it differ from Roman’s? Would there be any similarities?) “Why are you laying on my room’s floor?”
“Like your room.” Remus says simply, much more succinct than what Logan was expecting. “I was gonna stay here to ask about your little Instagram filter, but I dunno.” He flips suddenly, looking at the perfect recreation of the Milky Way that floats as a ceiling. “The thoughts are nicer here.”
Logan takes a breath, rubbing his eyes to hopefully distract his brain from analyzing everything the Duke had just said. Said Duke hears the sigh, and scrambles up.
“Before you throw me out, can I stay? Please? I won’t make a peep! Like a mutilated chick!” He says quickly, pupils contracted to pinpricks.
Logan readjusts his glasses, looking at Remus. “I wasn’t going to make you leave, Remus. Today has been . . . tiring. So long as you don’t cause any major disruptions, you may stay.” Why is he letting Remus stay? Historically, Remus causes multiple major disruptions within the space of a few minutes. Maybe it’s because he’s acting so subdued here?
The thoughts are nicer here
“Remus.” Logan says as he sits down, registering the soft ‘hm?’ from behind him. “If you start to feel wrong, leave. It took me many days to completely heal from being in Virgil’s room for too long, I do not wish the same to you.” Another hum in response, and Logan gets to the next day’s schedule.
-
It’s late when Thomas gets home. Too late to do anything but sleep. Logan stretches, standing so that his legs get enough blood flow. He turns around to see that Remus has fallen asleep on his rug.
He certainly can’t sleep here. Logan doesn’t know how his room affects the other sides, not to mention that if he accidentally renders half of Thomas’s creativity somewhat broken and/or useless, that would cause catastrophic wonders to his mental state. .
Logan goes to Remus, shaking his shoulder gently. Remus groans, but doesn’t wake up. He tries again, but the creative side just won’t wake. Plan B it is: take Remus to his room.
Logan carefully picks up Remus so that the side won’t accidentally fall down, and begins his trek to the dark side of the Mindscape. As he gets closer, the Mindscape starts to resemble more and more of M.C. Escher’s House of Stairs (how fascinating)
He must have spent too long marveling at the dark side’s architecture, because Janus definitely wasn’t there last time Logan checked. He nods towards the side.
“Janus.” He greets, said side nodding back.
“What are you doing with Remus?” Janus asks, eyes focused on the Duke.
Logan shifts Remus slightly, so that his grip is more secure. He doesn’t want to figure out how the empty space between the stairs works (yet). “He fell asleep in my room. I don’t know how my room affects the other sides, so I tried to wake Remus to make sure he wouldn’t be harmed. He wouldn’t wake up, so I decided to take him to his own room instead.” Logan explains.
Janus’s eyes narrow (snakes don’t have eyelids, just how serpentine is that half of him?) as Logan explains. “I didn’t realize you Light Sides cared so much.”
Ah, that makes sense. Logan doesn’t trust Janus with his body due to their previous experiences, and Janus wouldn’t trust any Light Side with Remus due to a history of previous experiences. That’s not taking into account that Janus represents Thomas’s self-preservation.
“I apologize.” Logan starts. He doesn’t want to be estranged with Janus. Understanding self-preservation is important . All facets of Thomas are important (right?). “For my previous actions in suppressing both you and Remus. I didn’t have all the facts, and I should have done my part, both as a side and as Logic to ensure that my decision was fully informed. I will correct my actions for the future.”
Janus stares at Logan like he’s picking Logan apart. “And I apologize for shutting you up during the faux court case.”
Logan doesn’t know if Janus is lying or not, but it doesn’t stop the surprise flit across his face for a moment.
Why are you so surprised he apologized?
“Thank you.” Logan whispers, shoving down the emotion. He doesn’t look at Janus. “Do you know where Remus sleeps? Either you or I can take him there.”
He can feel Janus take the sleeping side out of his arms and walk away without another word.
-
Logan sinks out quickly once the yelling starts. Data proves that once there’s yelling, the only way he’ll be heard is by joining in. He doesn’t like yelling anyways. If they need him, they’ll just summon him.
Right?
He looks through his computer for something to do but, for once, it seems like there’s nothing he needs to do. How long has he been working without a break? It shouldn’t be too long, usually Patton or Virgil will knock on his door if he’s been in for too long.
The space facts calendar he keeps right next to his computer is 12 days behind. 12 days? He’s been working for 12 days?
The door slams open and Remus struts in, falling face first into the rug. “Hey whale penis!” Remus’s muffled voice greets.
“Remus.” Logan responds in turn. “Is there something you require?”
“A stretchy torture thing. Maybe an iron maiden. Dunno yet.”
Logan hums. “I think I have a documentary on medieval torture devices somewhere, if that would suffice.”
Remus literally lights up, showing all the blood vessels in his body. “Bend me over a desk and fuck me!”
“No.”
The documentary is halfway over when Janus rushes in. “Where is- oh. Hello Remus.”
Remus waves at the yellow side. “J-anus! We just got to the stretchy device!” He pats the bit of rug next to him. “It’s giving me so many ideas!”
“It’s called the Rack, for future reference.” Logan corrects as Janus walks up to him.
“I thought you said you didn’t know what your room did to the other sides.” He hisses (again, just how serpentine is Janus?).
Logan looks at the mismatched eyes (would heterochromatic fit here? They are the eyes of two different species and not just two different colors). “I don’t. However, Remus spent much longer than two hours here approximately thirteen days prior. He also came in asking about medieval devices. Because of my own lack of knowledge on the subject, I offered a documentary and he agreed.”
Janus looks at Remus (he’s looking at them, what is he thinking?), then back at Logan. “What do you mean by approximately. I thought your sense of time was horrid.” (how does his lying work? Is it a subconscious thing that he has to actively work against, or is it only around those he doesn’t trust, AKA anyone who isn’t Remus. Or himself. So many questions)
“I found myself getting lost in my work for a minimum of twelve days.” Logan explains.
There’s a flicker of some kind of emotion that flicks across Janus’s face, and Remus pauses the documentary.
“Twelve days? I can’t work more than two before double dicks over here drags me out of the Imagination for a break.” Remus laughs. “I’m not allowed to make soup anymore.”
Logan doesn’t understand what that has to do with him working for 12 days. If anything, that’s a good thing. He’s up to date and even ahead of schedule.
“They’re too busy yelling at each other to notice that you haven’t made any appearance?” Janus whispers.
“Oh, are they still at it? I thought they would be done by now.” Logan hums. “But they aren’t- they don’t ignore me.”
“Citrus eyes says otherwise, Nerdy Wolverine.” Remus sing-songs, causing more emotion to cross Janus’s face.
“Who-”
Logan appears in his usual space next to the stairs.
“When did you leave?” Roman accuses. “You can’t just leave the conversation for nerd stuff!”
That causes a small spark of annoyance, but Logan smothers it. No need to get dramatic over this.
“I left 43 minutes ago. I didn’t want to be around your yelling.” He says honestly. “Now, what is it you need?”
Roman sputters, and Patton jumps in. “Kiddo, there’s no need to be so harsh about it.” He says with a kind tone.
Logan raises an eyebrow, looking down the fatherly side. “I am not being harsh, simply honest. I do not like being around your yelling, and you only summon me when I need to fix something. So, what is it?”
“I told you we didn’t-” Virgil starts, but Patton interrupts him.
“Virgil hush!”
“No, Padre, for once I agree with Emo Nightmare over there. I don’t see why you needed to summon Logan. While I was curious why he left such an important conversation, why do we need his brand of,” he gestures to Logan. “That?”
Patton goes to answer, but Logan just holds up a hand. “I see I am not needed. Don’t summon me unless you need to.”
Logan rises back into his room to find it empty and the documentary unfinished.
It shouldn’t hurt so much
-
He hears the door open and sits up to find Remus sneaking in, Janus looking what he can only describe as exasperated just behind him.
“Dork!” Remus whisper-yells. “Get over here! We’re gonna have a spa day! Minimal octopuses included!”
Logan looks at Janus to double check that yes, this is real and happening. He nods, so Logan stands up and follows them.
It’s hard to pay attention to where they’re going when he keeps wanting to memorize every aspect of this part of the Mindscape. Eventually, Janus just takes hold of his wrist and gently drags him along.
They arrive at what Logan guesses is Remus’s side of Imagination. It looks like a Lovecraftian Tim Burton movie stylistically. In front of them is what looks to be a natural hot spring with two octopuses.
Logan crouches at the edge, watching the cephalopods with fascination. “Usually, hot springs kill most living creatures within them. The water is too hot for anything other than specific bacteria and algae to live in. I know that this is the Imagination and thus anything is possible, but the idea that there could be a type of cephalopod that can withstand such heat. They probably would have evolved to live next to the sea ground vents and volcanoes to withstand such temperatures . . .” He trails off, realizing that he had started to ramble. “I apologize.”
The only response he gets is Remus shoving him in, a yelp of surprise coming out of Logan. He lifts his head out of the water to see Remus snap his fingers and everyone is in a swimsuit except him.
The other sides jump into the hot spring, Remus taking one of the octopuses and petting it. Janus sighs, hissing slightly at the change in temperature (for a third time, how serpentine is he?)
“What would sea volcano octopuses look like? Would they look like other deep sea creatures? Ooo! What if they had a size difference like angler fish? What if they had teeth and not just a beak? Would they glow?” Remus is glowing again.
Logan looks at Remus in surprise again. None of the other sides ask him anything like this. “I will admit, my knowledge on oceanic life is limited, but based on what I do know, they would likely be bioluminescent like you theorize. Depending on how deep they are, the need for eyes varies. Unfortunately, that’s all I know for certain. Everything else would come down to theory, not that it already is.”
Remus is nodding, eyes wide and a face-splitting grin on his face (quite literally. His face has started splitting to fit more teeth for his smile). “Talk dirty to me holy shit. Gotta add these to the ocean lake!”
Logan doesn’t react to the first sentence (it’s to be expected, Remus has most, if not all of the thoughts Thomas deems as unseemly, including “naughtly language”), but he furrows his eyebrows at the second one, but quickly smooths out his features once he realizes he’s doing it.
Janus gives him a look (a look conveying what? What is he trying to say?), and Logan ignores it in favor of relaxing in the very warm and very relaxing hot spring.
-
Going to the hot spring starts to become a regular occurance to the point that Logan starts to put it into his schedule as Hot Springs. Every Thursday, Janus and Remus will appear to go to the hot springs together. It’s been happening so often that Logan is starting to understand how the dark side of the Mindscape works.
Recently, though, they’ve started to talk about their personal issues and complaints. Logan hasn’t joined the pair in their discussions. His advice would most likely be ignored or turned down, and he would rather listen than give unwanted advice.
“I just want to know my purpose.” Remus says sadly, shocking Logan out of his thoughts. “I feel useless, y’know? Everything I can do, Roman can do better.”
“Falsehood.” The word is out of his mouth before he can process it. Now they’re staring at him. “I said before that you have a use.”
“Ha, who needs intrusive thoughts.” Remus snorts, taking Diaphragm the Octopus and petting them.
“While you may symbolize intrusive thoughts, a bigger part of you is being the dark side of creativity. The more depraved and dark ideas and thoughts. That’s not useless or bad, many creative people lean more into their dark creativity than their light one. While Thomas may not prefer darker ideas, that doesn’t mean that some of your ideas don’t have merit. It’s like how Janus, while he technically represents lying, a larger part of him is self-preservation, and that doesn’t mean he is useless. Everyone has a use, no matter how small.” Logan finishes, and braces himself for the usual reaction of rejection-
Logan is pulled in by Remus for a hug. The shock probably shows on his face, because Janus has a look of pity on his own face. He’s gotten better at reading Janus’s emotions in the passing months, and he doesn’t need the side’s pity . He’s fine. He’s . . . he’s always fine.
Remus is crying spiders. It doesn’t bother Logan as much as he thought it would.
“Logan.” Janus moves closer. “When’s the last time someone listened to you?”
Logan doesn’t want to say. That would mean every emotion he’s been hiding would flood through his system and he doesn’t want that.
“Logan.” Janus says again.
“I . . . I’m not entirely sure.” He whispers, and Remus holds him closer. When was the last time someone touched him? Has anyone ever held him the way Remus was holding him now?
His body is shaking, emotions rise up within him. It’s too much, everything is happening at once. Every instance of being ignored or dismissed flash through his head as a thousand unidentifiable emotions swirl in his chest like a storm. He can hear a voice tell him to rest, and he does.
-
There’s a flash of orange, and suddenly Logan takes a step back. His eyes are a warm orange, like glowing embers in a dying fire.
“Janus. Remus.” Logan’s voice says, no emotion in the words nor in his face. “I suppose it is good to finally meet you.”
Remus smiles. “Hi!” he waves.
Janus inclines his head. “Hello. Who are you?”
Not-Logan thinks for a moment. “I suppose you can call me Apathy, although Logan also works. We are, after all, two sides of the same coin.”
Remus nods, and goes underwater to find Diaphragm. Of the pair of them, Remus was the only one who wouldn’t be worried by this. In his mind, Logan isn’t screaming nor being hurt. No cause for concern.
“Why have you not come out before, Apathy?” Janus asks. He needs a read on this new side.
“I have not had a need to. I almost came out after some goading by Remus; however, it became apparent soon thereafter that my presence was not truly needed. I protect Logic from whatever may hurt him, and until now, that issue has not arisen.” Apathy explains, face nothing but a blank slate. This truly is apathy, isn’t it?
“If I may ask, what was it that caused you to rise up?”
“Emotions, to put it simply. Logic is not well equipped to deal with emotions. If he were, then we would be one and the same. Or as close to that as we could get. One of us could have more control than the other, but we would be working in tandem rather than how we are now. As it stands, I exist to exterminate emotions and remove him from the situation that started them.”
Janus mulls the words over, and it makes sense. “So, now what?”
“I answer your questions.” Apathy says. “Neither you nor Remus meant to hurt him. You both wish to help. You both could help bring us together. You could help make us one.”
Janus nods, and starts asking.
-
It doesn’t happen slowly, as Logan would have expected. One day he wakes up with memories from what he believes to be Apathy’s (the conversation about the side within him from Janus and Remus was surprising, but not unwelcome. If anything, it only strengthened their friendship to know that it was nothing but open and honest). He found that his shirts changed from their usual black with his brain symbol, to a deep blue with a soft orange solar system instead of a brain with glasses. His tie was also a striped blue and orange pattern. Color-coded. Very nice.
He went downstairs for some coffee, running into Roman on his way to the kitchen.
“Woah, pocket protector! What’s with the updated look?” The prince asks, and Logan analyzes him. The question wasn’t out of malice.
“I felt like it was time to change.” He says, knowing the double meaning behind the words. “Do you have a problem with it?”
“Ehhh,” Roman starts. “It’s okay. Fits you, nerd.” With that, Roman goes upstairs to the Imagination.
Logan doesn’t watch him leave, instead going for the coffee. He takes a sip of the warm drink, humming and smiling. Coffee, his one and only love.
Instead of waiting around for the other Light Sides, he goes to the dark side of the Mindscape. He travels the stairs, finding the living room first. There, Remus is watching a horror movie, and Janus is playing with his pet snake, Lily.
“Janus, Remus.” Logan says to catch their attention. Remus’s head snaps to Logan, and he shrieks.
“It happened!” He tackle-hugs Logan, who falls back with an ‘oof’. “Fuck, holy shit. You look even more hot!”
Logan blinks, flipping Remus over. Janus is smiling, showing off his small and thin fangs.
“Confidence looks good on you.” He says honestly, and Logan smiles.
“Feels good, too.” Logan admits. “It feels like a lot of things. Mostly just feeling how much I love you two.”
Remus goes into another face-splitting grin. “Awww, do you mean it? Do you really wuv us?” He blinks rapidly, and Janus smacks him with a pillow.
“Shut up, rat man.” He says, but he’s also smiling. Janus looks at Logan, eyes bright. “Welcome to the family, we love you too.”