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There were times, times that Spock had come to realize that Jim simply did not want to be alone. Times when their chess game seemed to go on forever. Times when he counted Jim's respirations and realized they were higher than was standard for a human male of his age.
He knew it in the way his fingers twitched after a move. The way his thumb moved down his fingers, holding them individually in a vice grip. He stretched his neck, turning from side to side and any angle possible until a satisfactorily crack resonated through his cervical vertebrae. The tapping of his foot against the carpeted surface of the floor. Muffled expertly, but not gone unnoticed by the Vulcan occupant. The fidget as he sat, the chair creaking at an almost inaudible sound had it not been for Spock’s superior hearing.
He could go on, down the mental list he had about all of Jim’s nervous habits he had begun to display. The times of each instance and their duration before Jim moved to the next habit. A cycle of ticks and motions that made up the empty spaces of their conversations.
“Check.” Jim spoke, as he moved his knight, looking up at Spock with a small smile. Spock nodded his head, a hand coming up to flick the piece over and silently declare Jim the winner.
“Another excellent match, Jim.” Spock spoke, handing the blonde back the pieces he had collected in the game. Jim slid his own pieces back to Spock.
“What’s that make us at now?” Jim asked, speaking the question aloud, even if they both knew the answer.
“The completion of this game places our monthly tally at a tie of 13.” Spock replied, his eyes taking inventory of Jim’s physique, a mental note of the stifled yawn and the sagging underneath his eyes.
“Are you sleeping adequately as of late?” Spock asked, finally allowing himself to speak about Jim’s current state. Both parties knowing full well the uselessness it was to lie to a Vulcan.
Jim sighed out, letting himself shake his head slowly. “I just…” he drifted, stopping mid-sentence as he mulled over words in his head that Spock was not privy to, I just have a lot going on right now, Spock,” Jim finally finished, his eyes drifting off to the side to stare out the window into deep space. The stars shone, creating unknown constellations before him as they twinkled in and out of existence. A voice in the back of Jim’s mind that sounded suspiciously like Spock’s, reminded him that the appearance of twinkling stars was nothing more than objects caught in the sun's orbits passing in front of its celestial host.
“Do you care to share with me?” Spock asked, his voice gentle. He wanted to lean forward, to brush their hands together. The knowledge of just how deeply he yearned for the other man was not new to him, but still caught him off guard when inappropriate thoughts made their home in his mind. Jim blinked, his eyelids fluttering rapidly over celestial blue eyes in a way that took Spock’s breath away. Jim’s hand fell on the table, arm outstretched as he rested his head on his elbow. “You, of course, are under no obligation to confide your troubles in me, Jim.” Spock continued, the urge to close the miniscule distance between their fingers was now a roaring flame in his mind. How he could practically feel the heat radiating off of Jim’s skin. And he was illogically concerned that he would catch fire.
“It’s just…” He replied, his voice echoing his words from earlier, his tone cracking slightly at the end. “I would prefer to not be alone right now.” he confessed, his face turning red as he turned more into his elbow. “That sounds illogical, I know Spock. And if you want to go back to your room, that’s fine. You can just forget I said anything or whatever it is you-” Jim’s words were cut off, silenced by the feel of skin to skin contact. He looked up, Spock was kneeling next to him, allowing his expressions to take hold. Worry and sincerity. That was what Jim saw.
Jim looked down at their joined hands, and Spock could feel his pulse increase. Spock spoke, his voice calm and gentle, like waves upon a deserted beach in winter. While most would assume the water was cold and unforgiving, it was, in reality, warm and pleasant, much like Spock himself. “It is not illogical to wish to be in another’s presence, Jim.” Spock replied, his gaze drifting towards their hands, his mind catching up to what his body had done without his consent, and he went to move his hand away. “My apologies.” He spoke, and Jim was quick to chase the hand as it moved away, holding his fingers softly between his own.
“Don’t be.” Jim replied, his eyes pleading as Spock allowed himself a soft smile. The emotions rippling and flowing freely through them. Jim’s worry and adoration and sincerity pouring out like a broken dam and flooding his mind.
Spock’s throat was dry, a lump forming and making it almost impossible to breathe. He spoke, almost in a whisper, “Would you like me to stay, Jim?” He asked, almost unsure himself.
Jim smiled, his lips turning almost unnoticeable and his eyes crinkled, “Please.” he pleaded, and who was Spock to deny him anything. His fingers moving on their own over Jim’s. Watching with bated breath as Jim closed his eyes, leaning closer to Spock. Spock could feel his breath against his skin. Jim looked up at him, Spock could feel the want and need of Jim’s unspoken thoughts drift through him. A tidal wave that was so powerful that he was helpless against it. He leaned forward, their lips connecting in a human kiss.
Jim’s lips were impossibly soft, and Spock never wanted to know another day without the feeling against his skin. Jim’s free hand came to his face to rest against Spock’s cheek. Spock gasped, and Jim took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Their clasped hands trembling as emotions freely flowed between them, both parties having no thoughts to stop any time soon.