Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ranboo feels his heart beat slow when the final bell rings. He’s been eyeing the clock all class, lost in whatever imaginary world he was escaping to this time. His professor rants about some homework to his now leaving class, his peers half-acknowledging what the professor tells them. Ranboo lets out a sigh of relief and stretches his arms up, thinking about the comfort of his own dorm that is waiting to greet him. He packs his belongings and stands up, meshing in with the rest of the crowd that’s heading towards the classroom’s exits. One of his backpack straps slings lazily off his shoulder as he makes it down the stairs. 

Ranboo steps outside, the sky beginning to transform into dusk, light pinks and yellows blooming behind small clouds. His stomach growls, which Ranboo notices and tries to brush off. However, his stomach persists as he heads for his dorm. Ranboo sighs, cursing his stomach as he turns on his heel and towards the dining hall. He hates eating in the dining hall, as it means he has to take off his mask and show the world his face. Ranboo promises to himself that he’ll get a bite to eat, consume it as quickly as possible, and leave. He takes in a shaky breath and opens the door to the dining hall.

He’s greeted with the booming noise of voices chattering and dishes clinking together. He heads to the line for food, which is surprisingly short, and is welcomed by an elderly cafeteria worker, who shoots him a soft smile. Ranboo returns the smile slightly comfortably, as she really can’t see his smile. He takes his plate to the salad bar and grabs what he wants. Now the worst part; where does he sit. He usually sits alone, but a waving sharp-faced blonde catches his eye. He strides over to him, setting his plate down on the table and plopping into the wooden chair.

“Hey Grayson.” Ranboo breathes out. His roommate, Grayson, grins at him while shoveling pasta salad into his mouth. “How was class?”

“Horrible, as always. Thanks for asking though.” Grayson replies, demonstrating an annoyed gesture with his fork in hand. “Haven’t seen you all day, not even at lunch. You must be starving.”

Ranboo shrugs, trying to brush it off. That’s an indicator from Grayson to have Ranboo take off his mask and eat. Grayson knows some of Ranboo’s struggles, mostly from Ranboo’s drunken rambling and cry-sobbing about his face and body. However, Grayson never seemed to mind, although not completely understanding it. Ranboo sighs and removes his mask, which results in no change in expression from Grayson’s face, despite Ranboo searching for it. “Yeah, I guess my studies feed me enough.”

“Ew. You sound like a nerd, Ranny.” Grayson scoffs, taking a sip of his water. “Eat up dude, so you can have your biochemistry homework for dessert.” This earns Grayson a very half-assed eyeroll from Ranboo as he digs into his dinner. They mainly eat in silence, with the occasional crack of jokes and small talk between each other. Ranboo looks behind Grayson’s shoulder as he’s ranting about some girl in his graphic design class and a small brunette boy catches his eye.

The boy is staring at him.

Ranboo feels his heart rate spike, immediately looking away from him and trying to focus back on Grayson’s venting. However, he’s drawn to the boy behind Grayson for multiple reasons. For one, he’s staring at Ranboo. Two, he has the biggest blue eyes he has ever seen, which are barely visible under his messy brown fringe. However, the lighting of the dining hall reflects off of the boy’s eyes, making them almost shimmer. The boy next to the brunette, a blonde boy with fluffy hair and a sharp nose, nudges the brunette and whispers something to him. The brunette nods and goes red, fiddling with the neck band of his camera. The small brown-haired boy shakes his head to snap himself out of some sort of spell and looks down at his plate. 

Ranboo feels his palms go sweaty, the grip on his fork going slightly arrayed. He finishes his meal and excuses himself, saying he’ll see Grayson back at the dorm. He doesn’t notice that the brunette also excuses himself from his friends’ table, the blonde giving him a hearty slap on the back for encouragement. Ranboo’s mind is racing as he takes care of his dishes. Why was the boy staring at him? Is it because of his face? How he looks? 

Is this really confirmation that he’s ugly? 

Ranboo puts on his mask and wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans as he makes his way outside. The sky is even more pink now, with specks of orange and purple at the base of the sky where it meets the trees’ horizon. He readjusts his backpack, hiking it up slightly to fit more snuggly on his shoulder and heads towards his dorm. However, he is soon stopped by a slightly high pitched call from behind him. He turns and is greeted by the brunette boy approaching him. The boy is definitely more petite than Ranboo thought, looking to only be 5’4, which makes Ranboo look even more giant compared to the other. He has on a mustard yellow sweater that looks two sizes too big for him, black jeans and beat up white converse. The boy looks up at Ranboo with his blue eyes. Those damn blue eyes.

“Wait, uh, hi. Thanks for stopping.” The boy huffs out awkwardly, playing with the buttons on his camera which is hanging around his neck. Ranboo feels frozen in time as he looks down at the boy in front of him. Ranboo gives a nervous smile as he greets him back.

“Hey, erm, is there something I can do for you?” Ranboo chuckles anxiously, shifting his stance. The boy nods fervently and holds out his hand.

“Yes. The name’s Tobias. Tobias Smith. But everyone calls me Toby.” Ranboo stares at Toby’s hand for a second before meeting it with his own, firmly shaking it. He hopes Toby doesn’t notice the left over sweat from his anxious palm. 

“Ranboo.” He replies shakily. Toby’s eyes crinkle and a corner of his mouth smirks with a look of bewilderment. 

“Ranboo? That sure is a name.” Toby teases, raising an eyebrow. Ranboo thinks the boy holding his hand is so pretty that his knees go weak. What does a boy like Tobias want anything to do with Ranboo? “I like it though, is it a nickname?”

Toby lets go of Ranboo’s hand first, leaving Ranboo’s hand open to breathe the crisp October air. Ranboo closes his fist and brings it back to awkwardly scratch the back of his head. “Yeah, I just don’t go around giving out my name, you know.”

Toby rolls his eyes and crosses his arms sassily. “Not even to me?”

“I guess not.” Ranboo shakily laughs. He can’t tell whether Toby is flirting or just poking fun at him. He’s always struggled with those kinds of things, never being able to differentiate between platonic and romantic conversation. Ranboo sometimes wonders how many missed opportunities have slipped out of his grasp due to his social inadaptability. 

“Well I am nicknaming your nickname.” Toby states matter-of-factly. “You are now Boo.”

Ranboo feels his face heat up as if a thousand suns started to blare down on his pale flesh. His gut is screaming, begging for him to recognize this is flirting. However, the nonchalant and innocent nature of Toby makes his brain think otherwise. Ranboo huffs out a stiff laugh and shoots him a thumbs up of approval. 

“Love it, thanks Toby.” Toby shoots him a bright grin which turns into a look of surprise, causing an o-shape to form on his peach sunrise lips. 

“Oh! I stopped you for a reason you know. Hear me out,” Toby displays his hands out in a gesture used to calm a pack of wolves. “I saw you in the cafeteria and instantly thought you were the most photogenic person I have ever seen. DON’T MAKE THIS WEIRD!”

Toby reiterates, pointing a finger at an even more flushed Ranboo before continuing. “I have a photography class and I need to photograph a real life person for my midterm. I saw you and I think you are my perfect model. No pressure, but if you say no, I will cry and then proceed to trash your dorm.” Toby finishes, looking back up at Ranboo with a slightly mischievous grin. 

Ranboo is at a loss for words, his mouth gaping open slightly. He searches Toby’s face for any sign of dishonesty but to no avail. He’s never been quite good at reading people, although he tries his damn hardest to. Toby just continues to stare up with him with his smile still plastered across his face. Toby waits for an answer, not picking up on the raging voice in Ranboo’s head telling him to say no. Toby is lying. You are ugly. But Ranboo’s heart can’t bear to let the boy staring up at him down and leave him with no model for his midterm. Toby’s puppy eyes are winning him over and he hates him for it. 

“So, what do you say?” Toby chuckles out awkwardly and cocks an eyebrow up. “Hate to break it to you, but looking at me with a surprised expression isn’t an answer.”

“No one has really ever said that to me before.” Ranboo blurts out with no hesitation. In that moment, he wishes he could kick himself. Hide away, run, something. This encounter feels like confrontation, despite Toby’s intentions being lighthearted. Toby tilts his head and narrows his eyes before a slight gesture of realization grows throughout his face. 

“Oh yeah, you’ve probably never done anything like this before, right?” Toby coos, earning a nod from Ranboo. That is a half truth, Ranboo thinks. He’s never been asked to be photographed for a project, sure. He can’t think of someone he knows who has. What Ranboo is really struck by is someone calling him perfect, not to mention hearing it from someone he just met. Toby nods along with Ranboo and goes back to fiddling with the buttons on his camera. “I get that, but no need to be nervous. If you’re wondering who’s gonna see the photos, it will be no one but me and my professor. And you, of course.” 

Toby glances back up at the tall boy in front of him, patiently waiting for an answer. Those damn puppy eyes catch Ranboo’s attention once more. Looking closer at them, they’re a mesh of blue, green, and gray. Some hazel is speckled across his irises which reflect off of the setting sun behind him. His eyes are beautiful and they are what motivates Ranboo to agree.

“Sure, I’ll do it.” Ranboo mutters, earning a squeal of excitement from Toby. 

“Thank you!” Toby replies with gratitude. “If you’re free tomorrow evening, we can do it then. I wanna take photos when the sun is setting. I also have some clothes I want you to wear, but they’re someone else’s, is that cool with you?” Ranboo nods and Toby flaps his hands with glee.

“You sure they’ll fit me? Because if they’re yours, I’m not so sure.” Ranboo jokes. Toby laughs and shakes his head.

“No, they’re a friend of mine’s clothes. He’s about your height and build. I’m sure he won’t mind.” Toby grins. “Meet outside Carnegie Hall at 5pm tomorrow?”

“Sure. I’ll see you then.” Ranboo murmurs, shoving a half-faked smile on his face. Toby returns the gesture, but with a smile more genuine than Ranboo’s. Ranboo can feel his stomach doing flips, threatening to make him spill over and lose his dinner. The weight of Ranboo’s decision begins to crumble down on him as Toby waves goodbye and runs back to the dining hall. He just agreed to have a complete stranger take portraits of him for a midterm. He so desperately wants to claw off his face and get a new one.

Ranboo walks back to his dorm in silence. His head is spinning and his knees slightly tremble with fear. What does a boy as beautiful as Toby see in him? Surely, he could just take pictures of the blonde boy sitting beside him in the dining hall. The blonde was prettier than him Ranboo thinks as he unlocks his dorm room. Grayson is sitting on his bed with his laptop in front of him and a notebook in his hand.

“Nice to see you again, Ranny.” Grayson tiredly greets. 

“Someone is taking photos of me for their midterm tomorrow and I want to die.”

“Sorry, what?”

Chapter Text

“Ranboo, you need to calm down. Sit, please. The pacing is making me anxious.” Grayson says, looking up at his dorm-mate with an expression of worry. Ranboo wishes he could stop pacing, but he seems to not be able to. He feels like his feet are planted on a path, forever doomed to repeat the same back and forth walking pattern across the long side of the dorm. “I know you’re nervous and have issues with your face, but you need to sit and chill, dude.” 

“I’m just thinking. This helps me think.” Ranboo replies, continuing his pacing through the dorm room. Grayson sighs and closes his laptop, devoting his full attention to Ranboo. 

“What are you thinking about?” Grayson questions.

 Ranboo shoots back a snarky remark, trying to bring light to the situation. “What are you, my therapist?”

“I’m only trying to help, Ranny.”

“I know.” Ranboo mutters. He takes in a deep breath, wringing his hands to find some sort of comfort. “I’m thinking about how anxious I am, to be honest. What if this is just some sort of prank? A set-up? Or if it isn’t, what if the photos come out bad? And he thinks I’m, you know, not the model he thought I was?”

Grayson’s face drops at Ranboo’s response. Ranboo notices and thinks that yup, this must’ve definitely upset his friend. Grayson places his chin in his left palm and hums. “I don’t think this is any sort of prank, Ranny. I have some classmates that know Toby and he’s a really sweet and genuine guy. A little bit of an oddball, yeah, but you are too. Don’t take that offensively, that’s a compliment.” Ranboo scoffs at Grayson’s comment but nevertheless continues pacing. “You’re gonna do great, I promise. Toby knows what he’s doing. From what I’ve heard, he’s one of the best students in the program. A little disorganized, but he’s got the spirit and the talent.” 

“If you say so.” Ranboo replies, his pacing slowing a bit. However, he wishes the pacing didn’t. The pacing is a way to escape in a sort of weird way. It’s a comfort to him. After a couple minutes of comfortable silence, Ranboo’s pacing slows completely and he plops down on his bed, facing Grayson.

Grayson shoots him a warm smile and lets out a little huff. “I promise, if you want to back out, I’m positive Toby won’t be that upset with you.”

“He threatened to cry and trash our dorm.” Ranboo whines. 

“Those are empty threats, it’s just Toby. He says some wild shit but he couldn’t hurt a fly.” Grayson rolls his eyes with a little annoyed spark behind it. 

Ranboo puts his face into the palms of his hands, letting out a deep exhale. “I don’t want to upset him. He seems too nice to let down like that.” 

“Put yourself first, Ranny. If the worst comes to worst, he can just find someone else.”

Ranboo thinks for a moment and feels a dull burning ache in his stomach. “I think I don’t want him to, though.”

Grayson smirks, showing off his canines. “What, would you be jealous?”

That earns Ranboo’s dorm-mate a pillow to the face. “No, I wouldn’t be jealous. I just, erm, don’t want to put him through the hassle of finding another person, that’s all.”

“Whatever you say, loverboy.” Another pillow is thrown at Grayson and hits him square in the face. “I’m going to bed, you should probably follow suit.” Grayson reaches over and turns off the lamp.

“Cool. Can I have my pillows back?” Ranboo is greeted with two pillows in the face.

Morning kisses Ranboo awake quicker than he anticipated. It’s anxious, it burns, and it’s terrifying. He goes through his classes half alive the entire day, unable to bring himself to lunch out of fear of seeing Toby. He gets out of his last class of the day, following the crowd to the outside campus. He checks his phone for the time. 4:45pm. His stomach churns. God damn it, he has to face the puppy-eyed boy once more. He takes his time walking to Carnegie Hall, admiring the sun as it begins to set, waving the world around him goodnight. When he turns the corner to face the dorm building, he sees Toby, the blonde boy, and a tall brunette boy sitting on a bench talking. As Ranboo walks closer, the blonde’s booming laugh grows louder. Ranboo thinks how that’s even possible, because despite being on the other side of the street, the boy’s laughter was as clear as day. As Ranboo crosses the road, Toby notices him and enthusiastically waves.

Toby is wearing the cutest outfit Ranboo thinks he has ever seen. He’s in a pale yellow shirt, which is a lot lighter than the oversized mustard sweater he wore the day before. The top is tucked into emerald green corduroy pants with a mauve belt keeping them up. He has on beat up brown combat boots and a gold compass necklace hangs loosely around his neck. His hair is ruffled and messy, like he woke up as beautiful as he is sitting with his friends. His camera sits beside him on the bench making Ranboo sweat from anxiety. Toby stands and picks up his camera, grabbing the band and hanging it around his neck.

“Hi Boo!” Toby calls out, swiftly walking towards the taller boy. 

Ranboo glimmers a nervous grin. “Hi, Toby.”

The blonde boy scrunches up his nose in disgust and motions towards the taller boy. “And who is this? Your Boo?”

Ranboo feels a crimson flush spread across his cheeks while Toby giggles and swats at the blonde for his snarky remark. “Not like that, dickhead. This is my model for my photography class, Ranboo. Ranboo, meet Tommy.” 

Toby motions to the blonde who is so-called Tommy. Ranboo gives an antsy wave which is followed up by Tommy flipping him off. Toby chuckles nervously and whispers to Ranboo, “That’s just how he greets people. I’m sure he’ll warm up to you.” 

Ranboo nods in response, not believing a single word Toby just said. Toby clears his throat and glances towards the other brunette boy on the bench. The other boy looks older than the three of them. Tall, lanky, and more distinct crinkles by his eyes and laughter lines. His chestnut curls hide his forehead and the majority of his eyes, but his smile gives a tender welcome to Ranboo. “Ranboo, this is Wilbur. You’re gonna be borrowing his clothes today. Wilbur, this is Ranboo.” 

Wilbur gives a short wave to Ranboo before walking over and standing in front of him. Wilbur gawks in shock. “Wow, finally. Someone taller than me, aye?” 

Ranboo chuckles and gives a brief nod. “Yeah, I have yet to find someone taller than me.” Ranboo doesn’t notice the blush creeping up on Toby’s cheeks, who desperately tries to hide it.

Wilbur hums in understanding. “Your day will come for that if you want it to. So, I take it you’re wearing my clothes?”

“Uhh, I guess so. You must be that guy Toby mentioned yesterday.”

“Uh-huh! You guys have a similar stature so it should fit just fine.” Toby butts in, fiddling with the buttons on his camera once more. “I already laid out an outfit for you. If you want, we can head up to my dorm and you can change?” 

Ranboo nods, feeling the butterflies in his belly start to burst from their cocoons and zoom around his stomach. Ranboo, Toby, Tommy and Wilbur make their way up to Toby’s dorm on the fourth floor. Wilbur and Tommy walk side by side behind Ranboo and Toby, bickering about some miniscule thing they’ll forget about in a moment. Ranboo thinks the two of them sound like brothers, but he keeps that thought to himself. They make it to Toby’s dorm and Toby unlocks the door. 

“So, this is Tommy and I’s dorm. You like?” Toby grins, lifting his eyebrows up and down a couple times. 

The lighting in the dorm is soft and warm. Fairy lights are hung around the perimeters of the wall with strips of LED lights tracing the outline of Toby’s desk. Although he just met Toby and Tommy, it’s apparent to see whose side of the dorm is whose. Toby’s side is up to average organization, with some scattered papers and mismatched socks peeking out from under his bed. A mason jar full of old iced tea sits by his laptop. On the other side is Tommy’s side. A tiny lamp with a crooked lampshade sat on his desk, papers and notebooks stacked everywhere with other miscellaneous objects stacked on top of them. Laundry is piling out of his basket and his bed looks like it hasn’t been made in months. Ranboo doesn’t even want to know what’s under the bed.

Ranboo spots the outfit that’s laid out on Toby’s bed. There’s a white long-sleeved turtleneck and a plain red crewneck sweater. Looking closer at the sweater, he sees tiny circular golden jewels placed in a scattered pattern throughout the body of the sweater and sleeves, reflecting off of the light illuminating the room. A pair of tight looking black and dark gray striped pants are also laid on the bed, each knee with a rip in them. Black shiny mid-calf boots with a chunky platform and buckles criss-crossing along the boot are plopped lazily on the floor. Besides the clothes, jewelry of all sorts can be seen laid out waiting for Ranboo to wear. Toby pushes beside Ranboo and invites him to come in.

“So, this is what you’ll be wearing. It should all fit because it’s all Wilbur’s, but if nothing does, let me know.” Toby says with a soft grin. Ranboo returns the favor and looks over at Wilbur and Tommy, who are still standing in the door.

Wilbur gives a thumbs up. “You’ll look great.”

Tommy rolls his eyes.

“Thanks.” Ranboo hums before looking back at Toby. “So, do I change in the bathroom or?”

“Oh!” Toby exclaims, the light blush threatening to bloom on his cheeks again. “You can change here. We’ll give you some privacy.” 

Ranboo nods and watches Toby walk out of the dorm room, waving to him before closing the door. Ranboo looks back at the clothes and sighs. Damn, he’s really doing this. Ranboo begins to strip and change into the clothes. The turtleneck and crewneck fit, although the turtleneck is a tad tight around the neck and the crewneck isn’t as big on him as he thought it would be. Ranboo brushes away any sort of negative thought that could stem from how the clothes fit. He needs to save those for later. He puts on the pants. He feels that if his legs had lungs, they would collapse from the sheer tightness of them. He laces and buckles on the boots and puts on the jewelery. 

He can feel the mirror behind him, beckoning him to look. He hates to look, even tries to avoid reflections most of the time, but nevertheless he turns around and sees himself staring back at him.

His stupid ugly self.

Ranboo doesn’t even recognize the face staring back at him anymore, feeling like it warps into someone new every time he sees it. He so desperately wants to reach through the mirror and morph his features until his entire face is a void. He doesn’t want to be perceived, especially by Toby, and his chest starts to tighten. His breathing becomes quick as he clutches at his chest. The room around him starts to spin, the roaring of his own internal monologue is so deafening that at first, he doesn’t notice Toby knocking at the door.

“Boo? You okay? You’ve been in there for a while and you sound like you’re struggling.” Ranboo’s head whips towards the door as he hears it unlock. Toby peaks his eye through the crack of the door and giggles to himself, “Hope you’re not naked right now. That would be embarrassing for both of us.” 

Toby notices Ranboo is fully clothed but discovers something much more drastic. Ranboo has tears streaming down his cheeks, the droplets plummeting to the tile floor below. He’s clutching at his chest, waiting for the panic to go away. Toby’s eyes widen with worry and hurries towards Ranboo.

“Boo, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Toby stares up at him like a lost puppy, tilting his head with concern. Ranboo can barely talk right now, but his mind has so much to say. “Please sit down on my bed, Boo. Calm down.” 

Toby takes Ranboo’s hand, which internally freaks out Ranboo even more, but the touch is soon gone as Toby forces him to sit down on his bed. Tommy and Wilbur notices from outside the room. Wilbur’s face is full of worry while Tommy looks confused and slightly bewildered. Ranboo is incredibly embarrassed which makes his panic spike. Wilbur walks in with Tommy shortly following suit. 

Wilbur crouches down to look at Ranboo. “Ranboo, can you hear me? You need to ground yourself, bud.” Ranboo continues hyperventilating and touching his face with his free hand. “Ranboo, I need you to look at me.”

Ranboo forces himself to look at Wilbur. He can’t look him in the eyes, but instead just looks at Wilbur’s whole being crouching in front of him. Wilbur gives a reassuring smile. “I need you to take a few deep breaths for me. I know it’s difficult, but it will calm you down, okay? I’ll breathe along with you.”

Together, Ranboo and Wilbur take a few deep breaths, in and out. Toby sits beside Ranboo, just merely bouncing his right leg before finding the confidence to rub Ranboo’s back. Tommy stands behind Wilbur, taking in everything going on in front of him. He’s still quite puzzled, but he can’t deny to himself that he isn’t concerned. Once Ranboo is fully calmed down, Tommy walks over to his desk and grabs some tissues, hastily handing a couple to Ranboo. Ranboo can’t help but smile a little to himself, wiping his nose and drying his tears away.

“Do you feel better?” Wilbur asks, earning a nod from Ranboo.

Tommy scoffs. “Psych majors for you.” Although Tommy said this to make light of the situation, it’s received by Wilbur with a swat on the head. 

“What happened, Boo? Are you okay?” Toby whispers, with him and Ranboo now looking at each other.

Ranboo shrugs and tries to brush it off as cool as he can. “I just get like that sometimes. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now.”

Toby whimpers with concern. “If you don’t wanna model for me, that’s fine. I don’t wanna pressure you to do anything. Attacks like that can be exhausting.” 

“No, I'll do it if it’s for you.” Ranboo blurts with no hesitation. He has to resist clapping his hand over his mouth over what he just said. Both of the boys sitting on the bed feel their faces heat up. Wilbur and Tommy glance over at each other with a cocked eyebrow. 

Toby giggles and squeezes Ranboo’s shoulder. “That’s really sweet of you, Boo. Thanks.” Toby gets up and holds out his hand, helping the taller one up. They walk out of the dorm complex in slightly uncomfortable silence before Toby turns to the group and clasps his hands together. 

“We’re gonna head to that creepy looking alleyway for some photos before going to the coastline. I think the contrast of scenery between the photos will look sick!” Toby says in a giddy tone before continuing on his walk. Ranboo takes a couple strides to catch up to him, the chunky boots making him even taller than before. Toby looks even smaller now, making Ranboo feel all antsy with a feeling he quite can’t describe. They walk in silence for another moment, listening to the world around them and Tommy and Wilbur’s useless banter once again. 

“Hey Boo?” Toby peeps out, looking up at the tall and lanky boy beside him. Ranboo looks down at him and hums in response. “You look really good.”

Ranboo fights to bite back a smile. His heart feels like an excited school girl who’s kicking her feet and twirling her hair out of sheer embarrassment and delight. “Thanks, Toby. You do too, give yourself some credit.”

Toby snickers and gives Ranboo a playful shove. “Stoooppp, making me all blushy like that.” 

They walk the rest of the way until they find the dark and narrow alleyway that’s wedged before two of the oldest buildings on the entire campus ground. Toby motions for Ranboo to go into the alleyway, which he does. It smells of stale cigarette butts with a hint of garbage, the smell making his nose scrunch up. 

“Smell like shit in there, Ranboob?” Tommy snorts, earning a glare from Ranboo. “Bet at least half of those cigarette butts are from Wilbur.” Another swat to Tommy’s head from Wilbur is achieved. Ranboo glances back at Toby, who is already snapping photos.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Toby.” Ranboo admits. Toby sighs and puts down his camera, hands on his hips.

“I’ll guide you through it.” Toby picks up his camera once more. “Just be you.”

Toby instructs Ranboo to do certain poses, like looking up at the sky and crouching down to the ground. Sometimes during the photoshoot, Toby can’t help but stop and admire Ranboo through the camera lens. He’s a natural, made to be photographed and shown to the world. He hopes Ranboo feels the same way. After an hour, they make their way to the coastline, a rocky beach with crashing waves that erode away at the boulders. 

The process repeats, with Toby instructing Ranboo to pose, such as looking out to sea or sitting on the rocks. He even got some close ups of him, Ranboo’s greenish-grey eyes looking like jewels in the sunset. When Toby is satisfied, he tells the group they’re done. They all sit on a big rock together, watching what’s left of the sun set. Wilbur lights a cigarette and sits quietly with the rest of them. Tommy fished a ukulele out of his backpack and starts playing while quietly singing to himself. They listen, all of them hoping Tommy would sing a little louder. Toby starts to quietly sing along with Tommy, both of them harmonizing from time to time. In this moment, Ranboo swears he’s fallen in love. It sounds so ridiculous to him, but something about Toby feels made for him. He’s meant to be his, but he’s not ready to address that yet. 

Wilbur motions the cigarette towards Tommy, who opens his mouth slightly and Wilbur slides the tip of the cigarette in. Tommy takes a couple puffs before handing it to Toby, who does the same. Toby motions it towards Ranboo, who declines.

“Sorry, I don’t smoke.” Toby shrugs but gives a reassuring smile before passing what’s left of the butt back to Tommy. Tommy finishes off the cigarette and chucks the butt into the ocean, leading Wilbur to kick his shin.

“OW! What the hell was that for?” Tommy shouts, nearly dropping his ukelele from the force of the blow. 

“Littering scum.” Wilbur scoffs before lighting another one just for himself.

“Go tell that to the alleyway.” Tommy growls before going back to singing. Toby is looking through his photos now and can’t help but gawk at Ranboo’s beauty. His bone structure is god-like, with a wide nose and chiseled jaw. His skin glows in the sun’s lighting, radiating off gracefulness and poise. Ranboo looks over at what Toby is looking at and sees him on the camera screen. He soon turns his head away out of fear.

Toby notices. “You can look, Boo. You look great.” Toby grins leaning towards Ranboo so that he can get a closer look. Ranboo takes a deep breath and brings himself to look. It’s not as bad as when he was in Toby and Tommy’s dorm, but that gnawing feeling is still there. They go through the photos together and Ranboo knows one thing for sure; Toby has a talent for photography. 

“Wow Toby, those are amazing.” Ranboo says truthfully. Every shot seems award winning to him, even though he’s in there. For his own sanity, Ranboo pretends the person in the photos is someone else.

“Awww, thanks Boo.” Toby chirps, shutting off his camera. “I’m gonna have trouble deciding which ones I like.” Toby looks away, thinking for a moment, before looking back at the dirty blonde-haired boy. “Can I have your number? I need a way to send the best shots to you after I’ve finished editing.” 

Ranboo feels his face flush for what seems like the millionth time today. “Oh yeah, sure.”

Toby takes out his phone and opens his contacts, gesturing for Ranboo to fill in the information. He does so, putting his name as ‘Boo’ before handing back Toby his phone. Toby notices the name and giggles. “Nice name choice. I would’ve put it as that anyways.” 

“I figured as much.” Ranboo replies. They stare out at the ocean for a moment before Toby yawns and stretches his arms up. Ranboo thinks this is an implication that it’s time to leave, but instead Toby places his hand behind Ranboo and rests his head on Ranboo’s shoulder. They both seem to melt in the newfound touch, and slowly Ranboo snakes a hand around Toby’s waist. They continue to sit in silence, listening to the waves hit the other rocks below. They don’t need to speak of this moment while in it, they can put this on the back-burner for later.

In this moment, they are infinite. To Toby, it feels like love. To Ranboo, it feels like hope.

Chapter Text

Ranboo wakes up naturally the next morning, a stark contrast to when he’s usually bombarded by his alarm at 8AM sharp. It’s a Friday morning and he has no classes to dread attending. He sits up wearily and checks his phone. It’s 11:30AM. He rarely ever lets himself sleep in that late. Usually he’s upset by this, worrying that he should be doing something else rather than being so lazy. Instead, he’s content and takes in what he’s living now. He looks across the room to see Grayson gone, probably in the dining hall getting lunch. He sifts through his notifications to find a plethora of texts from Toby. Toby. His Toby. Well, not his Toby, at least for now. He wants him to be his Toby, but isn’t quite sure how to shoot the question. In his messages, lots of pictures of him are attached and at the end of the spam a message reads:

“you did so fucking well big man. ur a natural!! not even kidding, u r gorgeous haha. couldn’t contain myself from editing them all in one go. i hope u enjoy, thx for agreeing to take these photos with me :) <3”

The messages were sent at three in the morning, so Ranboo knows Tobias wasn’t lying when he said that he couldn’t stop himself from editing them. Ranboo tries not to look at the photos for too long, not wanting to dive into his own personal self, as he has just woken up; but something stirs in him when he thinks about Toby staying up all night edits his photos. Looking at him. And liking it. Ranboo feels like his heart could flutter out of his chest, bursting from within him any second now. Not to mention the puppy-eyed boy called him gorgeous. Is this flirting? It has to be, right?

Ranboo begins to text him back, not knowing what to say at first. He doesn’t want to seem ungrateful, as he hasn’t really taken a good look at the photos. However, he doesn’t want to seem cocky and say he’s spent a good amount of time gazing at them. He shoots back a quick reply to Toby nonetheless.

“no problem!! i had a good time meeting you and your friends, they’re nice :D (even tommy LMAO) you did an outstanding job, you’re an amazing photographer!! if you don't get an A i am suing >:(“

What seems like almost immediately after sending his messages, his phone buzzes with a reply from Tobias.

“hehe awww don’t compliment me too much, it might go to my head :3”

Ranboo can’t help but chuckle at that, especially with the use of the emoticon. Everything Toby does makes Ranboo’s head spin, like after exiting a thrilling roller coaster and your legs feel like jelly but your lungs have never felt so open, ready to soak up all the air in the atmosphere. 

“If ur free tonight, me and the boys are gonna hang out in wilbur’s dorm for a while. wil got his hands on some special drinks for us if ur interested ;))” 

Ranboo’s stomach lurches as he reads the last few words of Tobias’s text. Ranboo has drank before, but only with Grayson and a few of his classmates. It usually didn’t end well, with it ending in Ranboo’s drunken rambling, confessions, and sobs. However, this time it may be different. New people, new atmosphere, and different people. Plus, Ranboo doesn’t want to miss out on any opportunity to spend time with the petite brunette boy. Ranboo’s thumbs graze over his phone’s keyboard before typing.

“sure, i would love to see you guys again :D what time should i come over?”

Ranboo wanted to say “I would love to see you again” but feared that would come off too strongly.

“8pm if that works with u!! be there or be square >:)”

“pfft okay nerd.”

“piss off!!1!!1!”

Ranboo smiles fondly down at his phone screen before shutting it off. Although he saw Toby just yesterday, it has felt like eons since he’s last seen him. He remember the feathery light touch of Toby’s head on his shoulder, his coos to Ranboo when he got a particularly good picture of him, his hand grazing his back as Ranboo tried to contain his sobs. 

Ranboo spends the rest of his day trying to occupy himself by studying and tidying up the dorm room. However, his mind always goes back to Toby. It also wanders back to the possibilities of what tonight might bring him. He can’t help but be a little excited and nervous to see a tipsy Tobias, to hear his drunken giggles and to see his hazy smile. He hopes Toby doesn’t drink himself to the point of vomiting, he doesn’t want to deal with that tonight. However, for Toby, he would still clean him up and tuck him in, making sure the world wouldn’t dare to lay a finger on him. Ranboo takes a shower and puts on a comfortable red hoodie, black jeans, and navy sneakers before heading off to Carnegie Hall in the starlight.

The air is chilly and clean, a full moon barely visible behind the autumn trees. He nearly runs to the dorm, knowing Toby is on the 3rd floor waiting for him. He hears the bustling ruckus of other parties nearby, but those don’t interest them. They’re full of half naked girls and borderline-disgusting frat boys. All he wants is Toby. Toby, Toby, Toby. The sight and smell of him is enough to get him love-drunk. He uses his University ID Card to unlock the dorm building’s door and races up the stairs towards Wilbur’s room. He knocks on the door, placing his hands clasped behind his back after doing so. The puppy-eyed boy greets him as he opens the door. 

A wide grin spreads across Toby’s face. “Hey Boo.” 

“Hi Toby.” Ranboo replies. Toby is dressed in a black crewneck with the anatomy of a skeleton’s chest on the front. He’s in matching black jeans and socks, his shoes sat by Wilbur’s bed frame. Toby moves out of the door frame to let Ranboo in. Tommy and Wilbur are sitting on Wil’s bed, with Tommy showing Wilbur something on his phone, Tom bursting with laughter with Wil attempting to look slightly unamused, but utterly failing. A bottle of Captain Morgan Rum and Whipped Cream Vodka sit on Wilbur’s desk, alongside orange juice and a liter of Coca-cola. Tommy looks up from his phone and waves at Ranboo.

“Finally, you’re here! Wilbur made us wait until you got here before we started drinking. Thank fuck you’re here, I wanna get drunk already.” Tommy huffs out, half joking his statement while doing so.

Wilbur rolls his eyes. “I was just worried a shitfaced Tommy would greet you at the door. Didn’t want to traumatize you like that.” Tommy flicks Wilbur’s ear in embarrassment, feeling his face heat up. 

Toby giggles and looks back up at Ranboo with bright doe eyes, which makes Ranboo slightly shake in his sneakers. He kicks off his shoes and sits in a beanbag perpendicular to Wilbur’s bed. Wilbur sits up and walks to his desk. 

Wilbur cracks open the bottles of alcohol and looks back at the three boys. “Well? Let’s get started, yeah?”

Wilbur asks the trio what they wanted, both Ranboo and Tommy saying they want a rum and coke, with Toby settling for an orange juice and vodka. Wil hands them the drinks in a stereotypical red solo cup before pouring one for himself. Ranboo takes his first sip and it’s just as strong as he remembers from his previous drink endeavors, the slight burn in his throat traveling down to his stomach. Tommy is ranting about some class he’s in, exclaiming how everyone there is an idiot except for him, even the professor. Wilbur just nods and downs his drink, in hopes that it will be enough to help him get through the nearing drunken rambling of Tommy. 

Toby sits himself on the floor across from Ranboo and takes a sip of his drink. “Hi.” He peeps out shyly.

“Hey.” Ranboo murmurs back, copying Tobias and taking a sip of his drink. “Didn’t we already say hello or am I getting deja vu?”

Toby giggles and lightly kicks Ranboo’s foot. “Shut up, I’m just trying to start a conversation, dickhead.” 

Ranboo giggles and takes a particularly large gulp of his drink. “Well, you’re doing a great job at doing so. Should teach a class about your social skills.”

“Says you!” Toby teases, sipping his drink. Ranboo rolls his eyes and finishes his drink. “I just wanted to thank you again for modeling for me. I turned in my midterm this morning and I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Ranboo limp wrists his free hand as a way to shush Toby. “It was no big deal, really. It was fun and I’m glad I could help.”

Toby hums and chugs the rest of his drink, following Ranboo’s lead. “It is a big deal though. I couldn’t find anyone for my project. Not that people didn’t want to do it, but because they weren’t what I was looking for. You were though, and I’m glad you agreed. Otherwise, I would’ve been fucked.” 

Ranboo’s mind paused on the thought of what was Toby exactly looking for when it came to a model? He definitely never thought he was the model type, but he guesses that he is in Toby’s eyes, although he doesn’t believe it for a second. He sits up and grabs Tobias’s cup from his dainty hands. “Well, I’m always here if you need any help again. You’re good at what you do, you know.”

Toby feels his face flush, but blames it on the alcohol. He whispers a small thanks and looks up at Ranboo. Ranboo offers him a warm smile. “You want another drink?” 

Toby nods and watches Ranboo go over to the desk and fixes the both of them another drink. He goes back to see Toby making himself comfortable on the beanbag Ranboo was previously sat in. Ranboo scoffs and hands him his newly filled cup. “Making yourself comfortable, Toby?” 

“Mhm.” Toby nods and scoots over, patting the empty space next to him.

“You think I’m gonna fit there?” Ranboo chuckles. “Bold, Toby. Bold.” 

“We’ll make it fit.” Toby says matter-of-factly. Ranboo shakes his head and plops down next to Toby, nearly making the boy fly off the beanbag. Ranboo throws his head back in laughter before taking a sip of his drink. “Stoooppp, you could’ve killed me boo!”

Ranboo’s eyes roll back playfully and looks at Toby, who is half-glaring at him over the rim of his cup. “Yeah, but I didn’t.” Toby nudges Ranboo’s shoulder and soon spark up conversation over their strong smelling drinks. They talk about a plethora of things. Schoolwork, home, embarrassing high school stories. Two drinks became three, then four, then five before the alcohol hit slowly and then all at once. Toby was tomato red and snickering into Ranboo’s shoulder, taking in his scent of old spice and a hint of vanilla. 

They were both drunk, Toby definitely more long gone than Ranboo, considering the size difference between them and how much alcohol they could sustain. Ranboo feels like the world is spinning, but his vision only slightly unblurs when he looks down at Toby. Even in a drunken state, Ranboo and his mind only want to focus on Tobias.

Toby looks up at the taller beside him with hazed over green-gray eyes. “Hiiii Boooo.” He giggles, trailing out the last syllables in his speech.

Ranboo chuckles huskily and finds himself fixing Toby’s hazelnut fringe that’s covering his face. “Hey Bee.”

“BEE? Well, that’s different.” Toby pauses and goes into a fit of giggles. “I like it.” 

The two boys feel themselves become flushed, Toby scooting ever so closer and wrapping a hand around Ranboo’s waist, snuggling in. Ranboo feels heat rise underneath his shirt collar, a mixture of the alcohol coursing through his veins and the fact that he was drunk and close with the puppy-eyed boy he fell in love with the first time he met him. The world around him seems to melt away, even Tommy and Wilbur drunkenly singing Modern Baseball together seeps away into nothingness. Ranboo just feels Toby, his warmth beside him and his hot breath on his forearm. 

Ranboo feels Toby shuffle and they both look at each other, a mesh of blue, green, and gray irises peering at one another. “Hey Boo, wanna go to the roof?”

Ranboo sputters. “The roof? How?”

Toby stifles a giggle and shrugs. “I have my ways. We can go as long as you promise not to fall off. That would be sad.” 

Ranboo adjusts and clumsily gets off, trying to gather his bearings. He holds out a hand to Toby and helps him get up, watching the boy nearly fall over like a newborn deer learning to walk. “I would hope it would be sad.”

Toby grabs his keys, a couple bottles of water by the closet, and sneakily steals a couple cigarettes and a spare lighter from Wilbur’s jacket before opening the door.

“Now where are you two going?” Wilbur questions, raising an eyebrow. 

Toby clumsily slips on his vans, grabbing the door for support. “The roof. Yes we’ll be careful and we’ll lock the door behind us.” 

Tommy springs up from Wilbur’s bed like a child who saw the ice cream truck pass by his house. “Can I come? Pleeeease?” 

Wilbur guides a hand to Tommy’s shoulder and sits him back down. “No Toms. I invited some more of my friends over to come hang out with us. Plus, remember what happened last time you were on the roof drunk?” 

Tommy pouts and takes another swig of his drink. “Listen, where else was I supposed to throw up? ON THE FLOOR?”

“You vomited off the roof and onto an innocent girl’s head, Tommy.” 

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!” Tommy retorts, earning a snort from Wilbur, a look of disgust from Toby, and a state of bewilderment from Ranboo.

Wilbur looks back at Toby and nods. “You guys can go, but check in with me when you get back. Don’t run off somewhere and do God knows what.” 

Toby squeals with glee and attempts to clumsily open the door, which leads to Ranboo opening it for him and holding on to Toby’s shoulder to support him. “We’ll be back!”

And the boys are off to the roof. Ranboo’s hand that was once on the shorter’s shoulder is now clasped in one of Toby’s hands, with Toby leading him to the 5th floor. They go to the end of a secluded hallway and find a door with an arrow pointing up painted on with a sign that says “ DOOR TO ROOF.” Toby fidgets with his keys before finding a gold one, which sticks out from the rest which are silver. He fumbles with the door before finally swinging it open. 

“How the hell did you get a key to the roof?” Ranboo questions, tilting his head slightly.

“I asked a janitor for a spare so I could take photos up there. I was supposed to return it, but never did. Have never been asked about it since.” Toby replies, a hint of mischievous energy laces his tone. 

Ranboo hums and they make their way up the stairs. Tobias fishes for the same key on his lanyard and unlocks the door once he finds it. When he opens the door, the cool autumn air hits them immediately. The smell of fall seems to be more apparent to the two when they’re drunk. It smells of wilderness and wonder and home. They step onto the roof, with Toby closing the door behind them. 

Toby opens his arms spread eagle and spins around a couple times, taking in the world around him. Ranboo watches Toby live in his own little world, wishing to be a bigger part in it. Toby stumbles a little after he’s finished spinning, with Ranboo walking over to catch him. Toby snickers into Ranboo’s chest and they both shuffle down to a spot, sit down and relax. They’re oddly close now, both of them leaning back on the palms of their hands, their fingers almost brushing against one another’s. 

“It’s really pretty up here.” Ranboo whispers, looking up at the night sky.

Toby hums and looks up at the sky with him. “Yeah. You should see the sunrise up here. Sometimes, if I’m up for it, I’ll wake up early just in time to see it and take photos. It’s gorgeous, never disappoints.” 

Ranboo nods. “You’ll have to show me sometime.” 

Toby chuckles and wipes his face with his hand, collecting some of the faint sweat starting to gather there. “I will, promise.” 

Toby places his hand back down and on top of Ranboo’s. It was an accident, really, and Toby almost moves his hand until he realizes Ranboo isn’t moving his. Ranboo is looking at him, giving Toby the warmest smile he’s ever felt. Ranboo on the outside is looking collected, but on the inside his heart is racing like a speed train on a track that is never-ending. Toby returns the smile and they look away, sitting in silence.

Tobias can’t help but keep looking back at Ranboo, who keeps his gaze on the stars above him. Toby admires Ranboo’s face. His jaw is chiseled, with a hint of stubble forming across his jawline. Ranboo’s lips are supple, a rosy shade of pink, slightly chapped and with a slightly deep cupid’s bow. His nose is carved and prominent, the tip slightly glowing underneath the atmosphere’s light. His eyes shine with a sort of wonder, a hope, a calling. The green-blue-gray mesh of colors seem to swirl as he looks up at the stars, wispy eyelashes fluttering. Toby is so glad he took photos of the boy, as he will always have something to look back on. No matter where he is, he will always have a way to admire Ranboo. 

Ranboo catches on to Toby’s staring, eventually feeling his peering eyes on his face. Ranboo turns to the boy, seeing that his eyes are filled with… something. Ranboo can’t quite put his finger on it, but he knows it isn’t hate or disgust. “May I help you?” Ranboo jokes, cocking an eyebrow.

“You’re so pretty.” Toby says bluntly, not knowing how else to put it.

Ranboo feels himself flush. In situations like this, Ranboo would usually just say thank you and leave it at that. However, he has so much he wants to tell Toby, so he lets his heart sing. “So are you. You’re gorgeous, you know that right?”

Toby is taken aback at the reply, eyes slightly widening as he and Ranboo stare at each other. Toby involuntarily scoots closer, still keeping his hand on top of Ranboo’s. “I think I know I’m gorgeous, I think. Not to sound like a dickhead but,” Ranboo lets out a laugh, still keeping his eyes on Toby. “I hope you know you’re gorgeous too.”

Ranboo shudders and is the first to break eye contact, looking down at his lap. “I don’t really know that. I don’t,” Ranboo pauses, not daring to look back up, “Believe that I’m pretty.”

Toby sits in a shocked silence for a moment. He couldn’t believe someone who was as blessed as Ranboo wouldn’t believe he’s pretty. Toby struggles to find the words to say before settling on a simple question. “Why?”

“I don’t see my face like how others see my face. I know that.” Ranboo huffs out, still staring into his lap. “I try to convince myself I look ok, but it’s hard when your mind and eyes play tricks on you all the time.” Ranboo feels tears prick the corners of his eyes, desperately trying to blink them away as he looks up at the night sky. “I wish I could see myself how others see me. How you see me. I would do anything in the entire world to be okay with myself.” 

“Boo,” Toby wraps his arm around Ranboo’s upper back, his hand resting on top of his shoulder. At the touch, Ranboo lets his tears fall. His breath comes out in shudders, waves of self-loathing release with every exhale. “This might be a bad thing to ask, but can you look at me?”

Ranboo takes in a shaky breath and turns his face towards Toby so that he’s facing him head on. His eyes are puffy and red from his tears, sniffling and trying to compose himself. Toby brings up his hands to cup Ranboo’s face, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know you struggled with shit like that. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you and I’m sorry.”

Ranboo sniffles and gives Toby a weary smile. “Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“But I took pictures of you, with no consideration to how you would feel or what you might be going through. It was selfish of me and I truly am sorry.” Toby feels tears of his own well up on his eyes, but rapidly blinks them away. 

Ranboo brings up his hand to wipe away a single tear that Toby failed to blink away. “It’s ok. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I felt like I could trust you in that moment to photograph me. Plus, I really wanted to get to know you too.”

“You trusted me?” Toby questions.

“I still do.” Ranboo answers.

Toby admires Ranboo’s face once more. He glows underneath the sky’s light and the street lamps below. He’s such a pretty crier, Toby thinks. He almost envies him. “You’re more beautiful than all of the stars in the sky.”

Ranboo chuckles. “That’s cheesy.” 

“Shut up.” Toby playfully whines, lightly slapping Ranboo’s cheek, but cupping it and rubbing it soothingly after. “You’re more beautiful than the sunrise up here. No photo I’ve taken of you will ever compare to seeing you in front of me.”

“If we’re gonna get corny,” Ranboo jokes, “I’ve been infatuated with you since I first saw you. Your eyes are so big, so wide, so full of wonder and beauty and grace. You’re the sun, even now in the middle of the night. You are love and you are light. You’re extraordinary, Tobias Smith, and I’m really lucky to be sitting on this roof with you holding my face right now.” 

The boys fall into a comfortable and love hazed silence, taking each other in and waiting to see who makes the first move. It’s Toby who makes the first move, hesitantly leaning his face in before Ranboo meets him in the middle. Their lips brush for a split second before they connect, a leisurely kiss blossoming between them. It’s slightly sloppy and discombobulated due to the alcohol, but it’s just as intoxicating to them as the drinks they had beforehand. Toby tastes of creamsicle and Ranboo of rum. They slowly pull away, their eyes fluttering open. They take each other in with shaky breaths before going back in for another quick peck. Toby giggles and rests his forehead on Ranboo’s shoulder, Ranboo’s hand creeping up to play with his hair. They sit in silence for a minute, dizzy on something. Not knowing if it was the alcohol or the kiss, they didn’t seem to mind.

“You’re a good kisser.” Ranboo whispers, earning an embarrassed giggle from Toby.

“Thanks, Boo. You’re not so bad yourself.” Toby whispers back, earning a hushed laugh from the other. They go back to their comfortable silence, listening to the loud music beneath them and the autumn wind swirling around them. They listen to each other breathe, listen to each other exist. Together. Almost as one, but not quite yet. Toby slowly lifts his head to look at Ranboo once more, taking each other in. 

“So,” Toby murmurs with a sheepish smile, “What are we?”

Ranboo shrugs and kisses the top of Toby’s head, “We’ll talk about it in the morning. When we’re, you know, not like this. I have a couple of ideas though.” 

Toby giggles, a blush creeping up his neck and onto his face. They hold each other for the rest of the night on the roof, slipping in and out of sleep. They both wish this moment would last forever. Never having to worry about classes, other people, or life in general ever again. After a couple hours though, they manage to stand up and stumble to Wilbur’s dorm to check in, but are greeted with a bunch of blacked out boys scattered across his room. So they make it to Toby’s dorm and crawl into his twin sized bed.

It’s quite the squeeze for Ranboo, but it makes it all the more cozy with Toby cuddled in by his side. They share a couple more quick kisses before getting comfortable, hoping sleep takes them soon. The moonlight peeks through Toby’s cream colored blinds, washing both of them with the moon’s luminescence. Ranboo feels Toby smile into his chest and cuddles in closer. Ranboo lets out a sigh of content, letting Toby’s even breathing and the commotion of the outside world lull the both of them to sleep. 

Chapter Text

The two boys wake up in a haze, limbs tangling under the sheets wrapped between them. Ranboo is confused for a moment when he feels the boy’s breath hitting his shoulder. He feels his chest tighten in surprise and slight anxiety, remembering what happened last night, despite being drunk. The roof, the light touches, the gentle kisses shared between them. Ranboo’s chest quickly loosens when he remembers how Toby’s lips felt on his, soft, hesitant and kind. Toby stirs beneath him, consciousness kissing him good morning. He looks up at Ranboo with a sheepish smile.

“Morning.” Toby hums, snuggling back into Ranboo’s shoulder. Ranboo lays speechless for a moment, looking down at the boy. Toby, the boy he met mere days ago, is now snuggled up against him absolutely infatuated. 

“Good morning.” Ranboo croaks. Toby fills his senses as his reality dawns in on him. At first it’s slow, steady, a sense of calmness before the rush of his situation slaps Ranboo in the face. It feels like a bundle of snow slipping off the roof in the midst of winter, making a loud thud when it hits the ground. Sudden, nostalgic, fast. They lay in silence for a minute before Toby eventually stretches up and picks himself up out of bed. 

“Wanna go get coffee from the dining hall?” Toby asks. He’s so nonchalant, so unconcerned with what happened last night. With how they kissed on the roof, the pale moonlight washing out their porcelain skin. It terrifies Ranboo. 

“Sure.” Ranboo replies. They get ready in silence. Toby changes out of his clothes from last night, as they both slept in jeans, but were comfortable in each other’s company nonetheless. Ranboo looks away flushed, too embarrassed and lazy to change. He messes with his fringe in the mirror, trying not to look at his reflection for too long. They slip on their shoes, Toby snatching his light jacket with his wallet and the cigarettes he stole from Wilbur safely tucked inside a pocket. 

They walk to the dining hall in silence, Ranboo searching for something to say. For Ranboo, the silence is borderline unbearable, but Toby continues on as if nothing has happened. They make it to the dining hall, prepare their coffees, and leave. Toby is ahead of Ranboo now, treading up the stairs and past the floor where his dorm is located.

Ranboo furrows his eyebrows, grasping his styrofoam coffee up in one hand and his other shoved into his pants pocket. “You missed your floor.”

“I know.” Toby replies. “We’re going to the roof.” 

Ranboo feels his heart skip but continues on, following the shorter one to the doorway that leads to the roof. Toby unlocks the door and they find their way to the dorm building’s rooftop. The sun is glimmering diagonally onto them, not quite at the top of the sky as it has not struck noon. The birds seem to chirp so much louder up here, Ranboo thinks. Toby closes the door behind him and sits near the edge of the roof, the exact same place they did the night before. Ranboo hesitantly sits beside him. Toby places down his coffee, fishes out a cigarette from his jacket pocket and finds a dingy looking lighter from his jeans. 

Toby takes out the other cigarette and gestures to Ranboo. “You sure you don’t want to give it a go?” 

Ranboo looks at Toby and then down at the cigarette. It looks like those you find in the movies, the tobacco peeking out of the tip. Ranboo looks back up at Toby once more and sighs. “Screw it, why not.”

Toby grins and instead of handing it to Ranboo, he places it in Ranboo’s mouth. Ranboo nearly chokes on the cig out of shock, but composes himself as he sets his coffee down by his side. “Can I light it for you?”

“Sure,” Ranboo blurts, “Probably wouldn’t know how to anyways.”

At this point Ranboo and Toby are close. Toby sticks out his tongue in concentration as he flicks the lighter to life. He slowly drags the flame towards the tip of the cigarette, watching it light and Ranboo breathing it in. Ranboo spurts and takes the cigarette out of his mouth, holding it away from him.

Toby giggles and waves away the smoke dispersing from Ranboo’s mouth. “Didn’t take too kindly to it, yeah?” 

Ranboo chugs half of his coffee down in an attempt to cool his burning lungs. He looks back at the puppy-eyed boy as he wipes his mouth. “No, I don’t think I did. It hurt.” 

Toby pouts in a way to show Ranboo sympathy and lights his own cig. He inhales deeply and lets the smoke seep out of his mouth. Ranboo admires how he does it so easily, watching Toby take in his usual morning nicotine and coffee. It inspires Ranboo to take another drag of his cigarette, this time he doesn’t cough. It feels nicer, lighter yet warm. He feels a slight headrush as he swings his head to look out at the world below them. They sit in silence for a minute, occasionally taking a puff of their cigarette or a swig of coffee.

Ranboo is the first to speak. “So, about last night-” 

“How about instead of telling you how I feel, I show you?” Toby cuts him off. 

Before Ranboo can respond, Toby uses his hand to guide Ranboo to look towards him. Toby takes a drag of his cigarette and lightly brushes his lips on Ranboo’s, blowing smoke into his mouth. Ranboo gasps in surprise, leading the smoke down his throat and into his lungs. Toby looks at him through hooded eyes, a glint of mischief and flirt washing over them. Toby pulls back once he’s done exhaling and sits back, taking another drag of his own. Ranboo looks at him in shock, slightly shaky in the hands. He does something he thinks he’ll regret, but ultimately they both wanted it.

Ranboo leans forward, in front of Toby, and kisses him. He kisses him with all he has. He kisses him like no one else is on earth but them. He kisses Tobias like it’s his last. Toby kisses him back. They share a few kisses, Toby’s hands getting lost in Ranboo’s hair. Ranboo’s hands cup his cheeks, making sure to angle the cigarette away so as to not singe him. Just as Ranboo is the one to initiate the kiss, he is the one to pull back. They gaze at each other for a second.

Ranboo huffs out. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Is that what you wanted?” Toby teases. 

“Yes. More than anything.” Ranboo sits back once more, picking up his coffee cup and finishing what’s left inside. Toby finishes his cigarette in silence. Ranboo can tell he’s thinking, the way his eyebrows slightly move, his nose furrowing, deep in thought. 

Toby chuckles to himself before looking back at the taller one sitting beside him. “So are we gonna date or just be friends that kiss sometimes?”

Ranboo can’t help but laugh, going back to work on his cig. “Oh, so now you want to talk.” 

Toby playfully rolls his eyes at his remark but lets Ranboo continue. “I mean, if you don’t want to move what… we have so fast.”

“Do you mind that it’s moving so fast?” Toby questions, tilting his head.

“I would go lightning speed for you, bee.” Ranboo hums. 

Toby feels his face flush and giggles, taking a hesitant sip of his coffee. “Well I would go Sonic speed for you, boo.”

Ranboo snorts and finishes his cigarette. “Ew. Never say that again.” 

Toby laughs and helps himself up, brushing off any dust and dirt off of his pants. “Can’t make any promises.”

Ranboo follows suit and stands up, facing Toby. He shrugs and grabs Toby’s hand, tracing his thumb over the top of Toby’s palm. “So, what do you say?”

Toby looks down shyly and nods. They both feel like their hearts could burst any minute and leap off the roof. Ranboo giggles and leans down to kiss Toby’s forehead before pulling him in for a hug. Even with the morning autumn wind chilling the both of them, they feel warm in their embrace. Like a big weighted blanket covering both of them, grounding them to their new reality. 

They make their way down to Toby’s dorm, hands intertwined. Ranboo flops down on Toby’s dorm bed while Toby brings over his laptop, laying beside Ranboo on his back. Toby works on editing photos in silence, with Ranboo playing with Toby’s hair and landing the occasional kiss on Toby’s cheek or ear. They make small talk for the rest of the day, laughing about God knows what and ending the day with sharing a wine cooler Tommy had stored in the back of his mini fridge. They get slightly tipsy and dance to Rex Orange County. 

Ranboo swings Toby around, his touches feather light on Tobias’s waist. They giggle and sing the night away before collapsing back onto Toby’s bed. They’re so lost in each other that they don’t notice Tommy crack open the dorm room’s door, roll his eyes with a cheeky smile plastered across his face, and quietly close the door. Just like the night before, they fall asleep in each other’s company. Toby is the first one to succumb to slumber, in the midst of him quietly humming Ranboo a tune.

Ranboo holds the boy close, never wanting to let him go. He wants to see the world with him, feeling like he’s already been blessed enough to be in the same world as Toby. The midnight crickets chirp their song and the moonlight being their spotlight. Ranboo feels himself surrendering to sleep, feeling Toby’s even breathing fanning his shoulder. He still remembers the first time he saw him. The puppy-eyed boy looking kind and ethereal, almost like he was too good to be here. Ranboo will never understand what Toby sees in him, but Ranboo will always understand what he sees in Toby.

Within Tobias, Ranboo sees everything. 

Ranboo lets his eyes flutter shut, despite never wanting this moment to end. In the back of his mind however, he knows this is how he will begin and end his days for a long time. 

They are infinite. To Toby, it feels like love. To Ranboo, it feels like hope.