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Cleaning up after a little session isn’t the most enjoyable part of the whole experience, but someone has to do it. Today it’s Yeosang’s turn, cleaning up after little Sannie’s great colouring adventure. There are coloured pencils and crayons everywhere, not to mention the six colouring books and twenty or so discarded drawings; Sannie is very particular when he comes to colouring. Yeosang doesn’t mind, however, Sannie is a precious bean and Yeosang loves seeing him happy.
Lifting up a colouring book, near the leg of San’s bed, Yeosang finds Sannie’s pacifier, lying where it had been chucked near the start of Sannie’s colourful explosion. Without much thought, Yeosang strains to look behind him, out the open door and to the closed bathroom door, where San is, washing the colour off his arms and face now that he’s big. He looks back down at the pacifier and puts it in his mouth, not caring to even consider washing it.
If you were to ask him why he wanted to put the pacifier in his mouth, he’d say it was out of curiosity. It isn’t exactly a lie, either, he is curious. But it went a little deeper than that. He wanted to know why the pacifier was so powerful for Sannie, why it got him to quieten and settle down almost instantly. He has to admit it feels nice, to have something in his mouth, even if he’s painfully aware that this is Sannie’s pacifier.
He doesn’t get much time to dwell on it, however, panicking as he hears the bathroom door open behind him and footsteps begin to approach the room. He quickly takes the pacifier out of his mouth, his first thought being to make sure that it’s no where near him. He throws it in a random direction, losing sight of it as he ducks down to pick up more pencils off the floor, in the hopes that San won’t question him.
San’s silent as he helps Yeosang pick up the rest of the toys on the floor. Yeosang is overthinking everything as they clean up together, hoping that San’s silence means he didn’t see anything. Eventually everything is cleaned up and San thanks Yeosang, so Yeosang assumes he’s in the clear. As soon as he leaves the room however, San faceplates on the bottom bunk and feels something under his hand.
He picks it up and finds his pacifier, which with all honesty he has no idea how it got up here. San then notices that it is wet, too wet for it to be him that last used it, it has been about an hour since he took it out of his mouth. He doesn’t want to assume anything yet, but he had noticed that Yeosang was quite nervous as they were packing up. Not wanting to make Yeosang uncomfortable, San takes the pacifier to the bathroom and cleans it, deciding to wait until Yeosang comes to him if there is anything there.
About four days later, Yeosang finally breaks. He sneaks into San and Yunho’s room when he’s sure that neither of them are inside. He opens the closet and finds San’s little stuff box. After searching around inside for about a minute, he finds the pacifier from a few days before. Just as he closes the lid to the box, San enters the room. Yeosang panics once again, quickly shoving the pacifier in his pocket.
“Hey, Yeosang-ah.” San greets, moving to the side table and opening a drawer, before looking at Yeosang and noticing how nervous the elder looks, “You alright?”
“I-uh, yeah, I’m good, was just looking for something.” Without giving San a chance to respond, Yeosang leaves the room, leaving the closet open. With a sneaking suspicion of what the elder was looking for, San looks inside his little things box. Sure enough, that same pacifier from a few days ago is missing.
Later that night, when everyone’s asleep, San sneaks out of his room and into Woosangho’s, not exactly sure what he’s trying to accomplish. He opens the door, half hoping Yeosang’s still awake, maybe he can talk to him? But that thought is quickly shut down when he finds all three occupants of the room asleep. He then makes his way over to Yeosang’s bed, the elder’s face covered by his blankets, which is unusual. Moving the blanket, he sees his pacifier in Yeosang’s mouth. Yeosang seems to be sleeping deeply, San doesn’t want to wake him.
In the morning, when San wakes up, he catches Yeosang leaving his and Yunho’s room. Confused, San climbs down from his top bunk, seeing that the closet is open, which it wasn’t last night. He looks inside the little box, finding the pacifier sitting on top of the stuff inside, clearly just washed. San feels slightly sad that Yeosang feels like he has to hide this from him, however he respects Yeosang’s need for privacy.
Yeosang can’t help but feel guilty every time he sneaks into San’s little box for the next two weeks. The pacifier has made it so much easier for him to fall asleep, to the point that when he doesn’t have it he’s started putting his fingers in his mouth. He has been taking the pacifier often enough that he knows he should just talk to the younger, rather than borrowing his possession without asking. He still doesn’t know that San’s aware he’s doing it.
Exactly three weeks after he first borrows the pacifier, Yeosang comes home to find a present and envelope on his pillow. He knows he’s the only one home and is slightly concerned as to how the present got there. But he approaches and opens it anyways, assuming that it’s a present from one of his members.
Inside he finds a pacifier, unopened, with a bumblebee pattern. Yeosang has never seen this particular pacifier before, but he immediately knows that it is most likely from San. Opening the envelope, he finds a handwritten letter;
Dear Yeosangie~
I hope you know don’t have to hide from me. I don’t mind you taking my pacifier, no matter the reason, though I think you would prefer to have your own. This pacifier is for you, I will support you no matter what you want to do, and I know that everyone else will to. Whether it’s little space like me, just sleeping with it, or whatever you want to do, we will all continue to love and support you through it all.
-San ♡
By the end of the letter Yeosang has a few tears straining against his eyelids. He looks down at the pacifier. He feels eternally grateful to all of his members, especially San, so happy to have such amazing people surrounding him. Although he has no idea what he wants to do with the pacifier yet, he’s exceptionally happy to have one of his own.