Work Text:
The good thing about having all of the Avengers living in the Tower meant that Bruce was always on hand when Tony needed a distraction. His friendship with Pepper wasn't quite back to normal after their break-up; they were still in that weird, slightly tense phase where he couldn't look at Pepper without remembering her body underneath his, and she looked at him too hard, like she was trying to get through whatever she was feeling with sheer determination.
So, Bruce it was. Tony barged through the doors and spotted Bruce instantly. He was bent over a set of holograms. Closer examination showed that Bruce was looking at a blood sample, possibly his own, and that was experimenting on it. On any other day, Tony would have been fascinated, peppering Bruce with endless questions that would have eventually led to the both of them getting completely sidetracked into another project.
Today, Tony sat silently, if somewhat restlessly, and just watched.
After about fifteen minutes of this, Bruce sighed and straightened up. "What's wrong, Tony?"
"Nothing."
It was possible that he answered a little too quickly, based on the scrutinizing look that Bruce gave him. "I find that hard to believe. Did you blow something up? Are you hiding from Pepper or Steve?"
Tony winced, but for once it was because of the latter and not the former. Just hearing Steve's name brought back what had happened not two hours ago, when he'd been sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of fresh coffee like the ambrosia it was. Steve was across from him eating a sandwich when he'd very slowly and deliberately brought his hand up to his mouth and sucked some mayonnaise off the tip of one finger.
Sexual attraction to someone, it turned out, could hit as hard as one of Thor's slaps to the back. He'd nearly dropped his coffee cup. It hadn't been like that with Pepper. With her, he hadn't even known what it meant to be sexually attracted to someone until she kissed him for the first time. And even then, it was warm and enveloping and consuming, making him want, for the first time in his life, to lay someone out and get to know them intimately.
Maybe it could have been the same with Steve if he'd paid more attention, Tony had no clue. How long had he wanted Steve like this, wanted his hands and his mouth and his body, without even noticing? He'd spent the past hour thinking over the last month, then the last two months, then the last three months, with increasing amounts of dread. Because really, as shocking as it was, that wasn't even the worst part.
The worst part was the way Steve had reacted when he caught Tony watching. His smile was had been a little boyish and shy, his eyes all soft.
He'd seen that look before in Pepper's eyes, right before he told her the truth and everything went to hell.
"Tony?" Bruce said again, looking a little more concerned now.
"Bruce, do you think... do you think that Steve likes me?"
Had it been Clint, he would have pretended not to know what Tony was talking about just to make Tony suffer. Natasha would've given him one of those 'my god boys are stupid' looks she had long since perfected and walked away. And Thor probably would have been way too honest.
Bruce, lovely Bruce, just pulled his glasses off and sat back in his chair with a thoughtful look. "As a teammate and friend, yes, of course. As something more? I would say there's a strong possibility. Why?"
"No reason," Tony said weakly. "Um... any ideas on how to make him stop?"
Both of Bruce's eyebrows rose. "Stop? Why? I was under the impression that you liked Steve, too. You always look like you want to jump him every time he's in the room."
Tony squirmed a little. Apparently he'd been even more obvious than he thought. Great. "I do. Just... not like that. It's... complicated."
"Well, I don't think you can just make him stop, Tony. That's not really how it works. Steve already knows you. He's seen you at your best and your worst. I'm not sure there's anything you could do, short of having a frank, honest discussion with him." Bruce was grinning, and forget being lovely, he was a bastard.
"I don't want to," Tony whined, pouting. This is what he hated about the whole concept of relationships. There was no good way to sit someone down and say, 'look, I'm aromantic and I don't fall in love with people. Oh, and also I'm demisexual so I have to really like you before I'll be sexually attracted to you, and guess what that only just started'.
His decades of sexual experience aside, Tony had it on good faith that most people wouldn't take that conversation very well. God knew Pepper hadn't. The sex part hadn't really been an issue, because he'd definitely wanted Pepper, but the whole 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you and it doesn't matter how long we date or if we get married that won't change' thing had been the final straw.
It still stung, a little, that what he had to offer wasn't enough for her. And he couldn't bear the thought of going through this exact same song and dance with Steve. Especially because it would be worse since he and Steve lived together. They had to cooperate out in the field. Steve was his best friend. He felt sick.
"Just talk to him," Bruce advised, sliding his glasses back on now that they were cleaned to his standards. "Steve's a big boy. He'll understand."
"Easy for you to say," Tony said under his breath. It was so easy for everyone else, even Bruce. He got up and wandered out of the room a few minutes later, when it became obvious that Bruce was no longer paying attention to him.
He never did get around to having that talk with Steve, shockingly. Instead he preferred to hope that if he ignored the whole situation for long enough, it would just go away. He pretended not to notice the way his dick twitched when he saw Steve dressed in his Captain America uniform, or the way Steve watched him while sketching sometimes. He ignored Clint's teasing and Natasha's pointed looks.
What he couldn't ignore was Steve asking him out.
"Um."
"I thought we could go out for pizza," Steve said, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Or maybe to that Chinese place you like so much. I'm pretty open to whatever you think. My only requirement is that it be outside the tower so that we don't have to worry about being spied on."
"Being outside the tower won't change that," Tony said automatically, and then his brain caught up when Steve beamed and he realized it sounded an awful lot like he'd just agreed to a date. A date that would probably end up being pretty awesome, and then result in even more awesome sex, and a honeymoon stage that would be pure bliss right before it crashed and burned.
"Chinese, then?" Steve asked.
"No."
Steve blinked, looking a little surprised. "So pizza? Or I know you like that Greek place -"
"I meant no, Steve, I can't go on a date with you," Tony clarified.
Watching Steve's face fall made him feel like the world's most horrible person. He had to remind himself again that it would end horribly. And while his brain was busy doing that, his mouth decided to run away without his permission.
"I'm sorry, it's just - you want something I can't give you, and I know that as soon as you realize that you'll break up with me and I don't want things between you and me to end up they way they are between me and Pepper because I couldn't handle that, it's bad enough that Pepper barely talks to me right now, but if you ever decide all you want is a night of meaningless sex then I'm -"
"Tony." Steve's hand clamped over his mouth, stopping the torrent of words and forcing Tony to take a breath of air. Steve was staring at him, his forehead creased in a familiar way that meant he was running over Tony's rambling again to figure it out.
"What do you mean, you don't want us to end up like you and Pepper? What do you and Pepper have to do with us?" Steve asked finally.
"In case you hadn't noticed, Cap, the common element here is me." Tony pulled away, his heart racing. Why not have this conversation now? Why not? He fought off the urge to start laughing hysterically. "I don't... I'm not romantically attracted to people. To anyone. I don't fall in love. That's why Pepper broke up with me. She... she didn't believe that I could be faithful to her if I wasn't in love with her."
Just saying it out loud made it hurt more. He'd tried to explain, tried to tell her that flirting was second nature, that he had to make nice with everyone for PR purposes, but that it all meant nothing. She hadn't wanted to listen.
"And I don't... I don't get sexually attracted to people unless I know them really well. It took me years to feel that way for Pepper. It happened a lot faster with you." He pushed a shaking hand through his greasy hair. "That's it, Cap, that's what you're seeing when you look at me. I want your body, that's it."
Steve cocked his head a bit, narrowing his eyes, watching Tony closely. "What about -"
"All those people I had sex with?" Tony said, because Pepper had asked the same question. He shrugged helplessly. "When you're a teenager, sex is just something you do. And there's nothing wrong with my libido. I like sex, and I can still have sex with someone even if I'm not sexually attracted to them." He looked away, adding quietly, "For a long time, I thought everyone was like. It wasn't until Pepper that I realized I was wrong.
"Anyway, that's why it won't work. I appreciate you asking me out on a date and everything, and like I said if you ever just want meaningless sex -"
"Tony, wait. Don't I get the chance to say what I'm thinking? What I want?"
"I know what you're thinking. I've heard it a thousand times. It's not about meeting the right person, or being emotionally repressed because God knows there's a ton of therapists who like to stick me with that label, or -"
"Stop," Steve said firmly, grabbing his shoulders. "I'm not Pepper, Tony. Give me a chance."
"Why?" Tony asked, unbearably weary.
"Because I'm asking you to," Steve replied. "Let me take you out on a date. Or if you don't like dating, we can do something else. We can have a movie night, just you and me, or go for a ride on my motorcycle."
Tony chewed his lip. This was stupid. He knew what was going to happen. Eventually Steve would fall too deep and would resent the fact that Tony couldn't love him back the same way. But he still found himself saying, "okay."
The resulting smile on Steve's face was definitely enough to get a twitch of interest from below. Tony took a deep breath and tried not to freak out too much when he felt the palm of Steve's large hand come to rest on his lower back as they headed downstairs together. In spite of all his misgivings, apparently this was now a thing that was happening. Not for the first time, he wondered how he kept getting himself into these kinds of situations.
That first night, Steve drove them both out to Brooklyn on his motorcycle, and they walked around for a while before splitting a huge pizza. It was fun. He'd thought that there might be something different about their interactions now, because things had definitely changed between him and Pepper after they started going out, but there wasn't. Steve still had a snarky sense of humor and wasn't afraid to answer every single one of Tony's quips with a sarcastic comment. He still fought with Tony over the check and left him standing there alone on the curb while he, no lie, helped an elderly woman to cross the street. And when they got back to the tower and found Clint and Natasha watching a movie, settling in on the couch was just like any other night.
Except for the fact that Steve hesitantly set his arm around Tony's shoulders, with a degree of such care that Tony's heart ached. "This okay?" Steve mouthed, trying not to attract the attention of the two ex-spies in the room.
Tony smiled back, answering the question by leaning against Steve and tucking his feet up beside him on the couch. Maybe some aromantic people didn't like to be touched, but Tony wasn't one of them. With a few select people that he could trust not to betray him, he was very tactile. There was a reason he was almost always wrapped around Rhodey whenever his friend came to visit. Tony didn't make close friends easily. It was the one thing he missed the most about dating Pepper. He leaned his head against Steve's chest, ignoring the knowing looks he was getting from said ex-spies, and tried to enjoy it while it lasted.
For three months, he kept expecting it to blow up in his face. It didn't. Steve stuck by his side through the reactions of everyone who found out (Fury was pissed, Coulson just shook his head and muttered something about the destruction of his childhood, Bruce was way too nice to say 'I told you so' and just patted Tony on the shoulder, Pepper was openly surprised but said nothing, and Thor was thrilled), and he was relieved when Steve was the one who suggested hiding it from the media for the time being. Even though they hadn't even had sex yet, everything seemed to be going weirdly okay.
When they got the summons that they had to attend a fancy dinner - the Avengers for good PR, and Tony because there were going to be some potential SI investors present - Tony knew that this would be it. Steve would see him flirting and schmoozing around and that would be the end of it. This had been Pepper's breaking point, and that was back when people had known that they were dating. The world at large was still under the impression that Tony was single. He even, for the limo ride there, entertained the notion of not being the playboy. Of not putting on that mask, and for once just attending an event as Tony Stark, boyfriend of Steve Rogers.
Within ten minutes of getting to the event, though, it was obvious that wasn't going to work. A couple of young women mobbed Bruce, who looked exactly like a cornered bunny rabbit surrounded by wolves. Tony moved in, all smiles, and graciously - "you don't mind if I borrow these gorgeous ladies, do you, Bruce?" - swept them away, and from then on it was just a blur of one person after another, all looking for a bit of his time. He smiled, laughed, kissed hands, danced, made nice, acted cocky. He got more than one proposition, all of which he refused with an apologetic smile. By the time Pepper signaled to him that he could leave, he had a raging headache and the rest of the Avengers were long gone.
Tony arrived home alone, using the lift to take him straight up to his bedroom. He stumbled inside rubbing his eyes, and didn't even notice the man lying on his bed until he was halfway across the room. "Fuck!" he yelped, jumping. "I have a heart condition, Steve. What the hell are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you," Steve replied, sitting up. Tony's brain went a little offline when that happened, because the only thing that Steve was wearing was a pair of boxers. That meant the rest of his (very nice) body was on private display for Tony's greedy eyes alone. He lost himself in staring at Steve's abs for a very long moment, while the man said abs belonged to looked increasingly amused. Finally, he said, "Tony."
"What? Uh, yeah," Tony said, surreptitiously wiping away a bit of drool. "I just meant... I didn't expect you to be here. In my room. At three in the morning."
Steve shrugged. "I wanted to wait for you at the events, but Coulson felt it would be better if I didn't." He swung his legs off the bed and stood, walking across the room until he stood in front of Tony. Steve just looked at him for a few seconds, blue eyes very serious, and then he lightly skimmed his hands down Tony's arms.
"Steve..."
"I didn't even get the chance to tell you how cute you looked tonight," Steve observed. "S'okay if I tell you now in detail?"
"Um, yeah," Tony said, his voice hoarse, and stepped forward willingly into Steve's arms. "That's very, very okay."
Somehow, in between divesting Tony of his suit and Steve of his boxers, they made it to bed. Steve turned out to be insatiable in bed, coaxing a second orgasm out of him with deft fingers, and Tony was not at all embarrassed to say that he was thoroughly worn out by the end of it. He didn't wake up until almost noon the next morning, and when he rolled over he realized that not only had it not been a dream, but that Steve was still lying in bed right behind him.
"Hi," Steve said softly, smiling.
"Hi," Tony answered after a beat, because okay, this hadn't gone the way he thought. "You're... still here."
Evidently that was the wrong thing to say. Steve's smile disappeared. "Tony, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Do you love me?"
For a split second Tony thought his ears were deceiving him, but no, they weren't, and Steve really had just asked him that. All this time and he'd been telling himself not to get his hopes up, but from the crushing feeling in his chest he had done just that. He sat up, too fast because the room spun, and threw the covers back, intending to hide in the bathroom until Steve got the hint and left -
But Steve was reacting too, grabbing his shoulders and shoving him back down, sitting on him when Tony refused to stop struggling.
"Tony, stop it!" he yelled.
"I can't believe you asked me that!" Tony yelled back. "Did you think - it's not going to change, Steve, I'm not going to magically fall in love with you -"
"That's not what I asked!"
Tony fell silent and still, panting hard.
When he realized that Tony had stopped trying to get away, Steve slowly relaxed, though he didn't move. "Tony, I didn't ask if you were in love with me. I just asked if you loved me."
"I love you the same way I love Pepper," Tony said warily.
Steve looked at him hard with that familiar, assessing glint in his eyes. "Okay, then. I love you too."
He said it like it was just that simple. Tony stared. "How can you - but - that's not -"
"And I know that it must've been hard growing up and not feeling like everyone else," Steve added gently, so fucking gently. "I didn't come out of the ice bisexual, Tony. I've always liked both men and women. I felt the same way in the '40s, except it wasn't nearly as acceptable then as it is now. Plenty of people told me what you hear on a daily basis."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh," Steve said, though he was smiling again. "I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and Pepper. I really am. But I'm not her, and I need you to please stop making decisions for me. You don't get to decide if your love is enough for me. If the two of us break up someday I'll deal with that, but it won't be because you're aromantic. As long as you love me, that's all I care about."
There was a lump in Tony's throat and it was suddenly kind of hard to swallow. What Steve was saying sounded way too perfect. "But... doesn't it bother you that I flirt? Don't you worry that I'll cheat on you?"
"No," Steve said simply. "For one thing, I can tell how much you hate that mask you wear in public. You might be smiling the whole time, but your eyes are dead." He cupped Tony's cheek, his thumb slowly rubbing the dark circle under Tony's right eye. "And for another, you're not the kind of man who would ever cheat on someone. You're way too loyal for that, not to mention honest. It would've been easy for you to have kept quiet about being aromantic, and no one would have known the difference, but you didn't. Pepper is a fool if that's why she really broke up with you."
Normally he would've sprung to Pepper's defense immediately. There was a lot more broken in their relationship than just that. But he had the awful feeling that if he opened his mouth, he was going to start crying. As it was, Steve was getting a little blurry. He had to swallow hard and clear his throat several times before he could whisper, "Are... are you sure, Steve?"
"I'm sure that I love you, and that you love me, and that's all I really need to know. Though I would appreciate it if you'd stop trying to run me off at every opportunity. Natasha cornered me the other day to ask if anything inappropriate was going on because, and I quote, 'Tony keeps looking at you like you're going to break his heart'."
"Stupid spies," Tony muttered under his breath. Was he this transparent went it came to everything? He looked up at Steve. "I'll... try. It's just... I never expected... you know."
"I know." Steve leaned down and kissed him finally. Their lips moved together in sweet, tender increments, and Tony let a lot of the fear and tension that had been dogging him for the past three months drain away. It wasn't all gone, because a lifetime of habit didn't disappear that fast, but in the kiss he was pretty sure he could taste Steve's love and for the moment he really believed that it - that what they had might be enough.
It was the best kiss Tony had ever had.