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Tubbo never really noticed exactly how alone he was.
Sure, he knew he was a bit introverted, he preferred taking care of Phil's bees instead of playing with Tommy and Wilbur when he was young, but this was way more than just being an introvert.
He would have the most wonderful idea for L'manberg and its revolution, but it would get ignored, thrown under the rug every single time by either Tommy or Wilbur the second the idea comes out of his mouth.
He would do everything people ask him to do, he would do anything for his country, just for him to be ignored again and again by everyone.
Tubbo wonders if they meant to ignore him. He doesn't know if it would hurt more if everyone always did it by accident. That just shows how forgettable he is. That shows just how easily he blends in the background.
The worst part about noticing how alone he used to be, is that it hasn't changed. If you'd ask Tubbo, he'd say it might've gotten worse. But no one ever asks him anything so he'd never be able to tell you that. He'd just smile and wave at you when you pass him and act like everything is fine. That's how it's always been. It won't change and Tubbo knows this.
He notices how Tommy rarely visits him anymore, how Wilbur only wants to use him, how Quackity is just trying to get more land from him. He tells everyone that he's happy. That he's content with life. Especially after Quackity's job offer. He wonders how Ranboo even remembers they're husbands. He could've chosen anyone else. Anyone better. But he chose Tubbo. The easily forgettable one.
Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't seen Ranboo that much. It seems he only happens to appear in Snowchester when Tubbo's off mining somewhere or just having a stroll in the SMP. Even his husband doesn't want to see him. Damn.
Does Ranboo even remember him anymore? Surely not. He's only ever in Snowchester for Michael anyway. He's almost 90 percent sure the little gifts of pink tulips are just for Michael.
One day Tubbo comes back to Snowchester after visiting L'Manberg and sees Ranboo by the door. He cautiously gets closer.
"What are you doing? You know the door is open right?" Ranboo jumps a little and looks down at the goat hybrid. Tubbo tilts his head. "Tubbo! Jeez.. I haven't- I haven't seen you in ages!"
What if that was the point. You don't wanna be with me anyways... Is what Tubbo would've wanted to say, but he decided that might be too blunt for his personality. Instead, he crosses his arms and smiles. "Well, the same goes for you boss man. Where have you been?" Tubbo hopes that Ranboo doesn't notice the faint tapping of his foot he does when he's nervous.
Ranboo's eyes widen a little. "I- I've been visiting here because I wanted to see you again, but you were never here!"
...
What?
Someone.. wanted.. to.. see Tubbo? Is he dreaming?
Tubbo notices from Ranboo's reaction that his eyes widened. He quickly snaps out of his thoughts and smiles. "Aww, you miss me". Ranboo doesn't let their worried expression change "Yea of course! We're literally married, of course I'll miss you!" They put their hands on Tubbo's shoulders "Are you okay? You seem.. off". Well of course Ranboo notices. Why wouldn't they? They've stayed in Snowchester long enough to know when Tubbo's about to snap over some nightmare he was having in the middle of the night. Tubbo's sure Ranboo's feeling the same aura right now as in those nights.
Tubbo gives the widest and most real grin he can to Ranboo "Yea I'm fine, see? I'm smiling!". Ranboo, still worried, let go of his shoulders. They gave up. Good. "Alright..but you know you can always talk to me if you need anyone, right?" Tubbo just smiles at them. "Of course!"
Tubbo lets them both in, before closing the door. His mind is going to so fast right now. Oh god someone is talking to me right now. Someone noticed me. I'm seen right now. God, I have to be good. I have to listen to them. I have to be as interesting as possible. As entertaining as possible.
Ranboo goes to sit down while Tubbo's trying to figure out what to do himself. He can't be boring. He can't be rude. If he's rude or boring Ranboo's never going to want to talk to him again. Ranboo tilts their head while looking at Tubbo, still a slight worried expression on their face. He finally thinks of something. "Do you want a drink? I can make us both hot chocolate! Or tea- or coffee! If you prefer that-" Tubbo's cut off by Ranboo. "Hot chocolate's fine, thank you" God, Tubbo's already failed. He curses his lack of communication skills under his breath as he turns around. He never needed it so he never took time to learn it. Or so he thought.
Tubbo goes to the kitchen and takes two cups out. He heats up the milk and takes two hot chocolate sticks out of a drawer. He should've asked what flavor they wanted. Crap. Well, milk chocolate it is. He takes dark chocolate for himself. He pours the hot milk in the two cups evenly, then sinks in the hot chocolate sticks. He stirs them for a while before going back to Ranboo.
Ranboo is patiently waiting by the sofa where they sat down, looking up and smiling at Tubbo when he arrives. Tubbo hands him their cup of hot chocolate before sitting next to the other hybrid. He keeps stirring his hot chocolate stick to relieve even a hint of anxiety forming in his chest. They both stay silent for a minute before Ranboo speaks up. "So... Where have you been? I've been worried about you". Damn, Ranboo really knows how to make their husband want to cry. Tubbo looks at his hot chocolate before answering. "Just- been taking some strolls around the server and mining.. I don't really have a lot of resources" He laughs at the last word. It is true, he's always asked from other people or just traded. It's the only time others ever really notice him anymore.
"I know you don't really want to go close to Techno's base, but if you ever need anything you can always ask me." Tubbo's hot chocolate is so interesting to look at now. I mean, just look at how it makes a small tornado every time he stirs it. It's just so fascinating isn't it? Yup, it's so mesmerizing. "Tubbo you- I'm here for you alright?"
Tubbo puts his mug down. Yea right. Like they actually mean that. Tommy said the exact same thing to him so many years ago and do you see him even caring about Tubbo's wellbeing anymore? no. Wilbur said the exact same thing when Schlatt wouldn't let him take a break from paperwork, otherwise using him as a punching bag. Do you see Wilbur ever giving the slightest hint of that brotherhood anymore? no. People lie to him all of the time. If they're not lying to him, they're using him for something. That's just how it's always been.
Ranboo's almost immediately turned toward Tubbo with a very worried expression. They look like they just saw Tubbo getting murdered.
...
Did- Did Tubbo accidentally say all of that aloud?
The next thing that happened, Tubbo was being squished in a hug. Tubbo didn't even know he was crying until he noticed that Ranboo's shoulder was getting damp. Tubbo also noticed the hug getting just a bit tighter. He felt the grip of Ranboo's hand tighten behind him and felt a chin rest on his right shoulder. Tubbo carefully gave the hug back. Gripping Ranboo's back like his life was on the line. He forgot just how welcoming a hug felt like. How warm and safe it was. He hasn't had a hug since.. he doesn't remember. Since the first L'manburg war if he'd have to guess. No one had the time to hug him after that he thinks.
He thought he hated touch. Turns out he was just touch starved to the point where he couldn't differentiate jealousy over hate anymore. He was so jealous every time he saw Wilbur let Tommy sleep on his lap in Pogtopia. He was so jealous every time Schlatt held Quackity's hand. He was so jealous every time Ranboo held Michael like he was the only child in the world. He was just jealous of everyone else getting the attention he's been so eagerly trying to get. Doing everything in his power to even be seen by others.
Ranboo's other hand was resting on the back of Tubbo's head, carefully playing with a strand of hair that was sticking out. Tubbo let his head fall onto Ranboo's shoulder, and he cried. He cried for all the times he couldn't. All the times he had to fake being happy. All the times he had to act like everything was fine. All the times he had to push his emotions away just to have space for everyone else's. He was so tired. So tired of being the "happy" one. So tired of being the "optimistic" one. He just wanted to be seen. Just wanted to be heard.
They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, Ranboo just whispering little reassurances in Tubbo's ear.
When Ranboo finally let go, Tubbo noticed the sun setting. Ranboo's hands left ice-cold phantom touches behind when the taller hybrid went to take Tubbo's (now cold) hot chocolate and give hand it to him. Tubbo took the drink and took a sip. Even if it was a bit colder than lukewarm now, it still felt so warm and welcoming. Ranboo took their own cup and had a sip. "This is really good Tubbo. Kind of a bummer it's cold now.." Tubbo felt like he could die right here right now. He felt seen. He felt human. After so many years. Ranboo really is the best husband anyone could ask for. "We could go heat them up again-"
"No need boss man" Tubbo was the one to cut them off this time "I feel warm enough with you here". Ranboo smiles "I see you're still as charismatic as ever". Tubbo gives a small laugh behind his cup.
He really could stay in this moment forever.