Archive of Our Own

“Aww, Babe,” Haechan said, as he looked at Mark coming out of his room. His hair was messy and his specs were trying their best to stay intact on his nose.

Haechan almost jumped as though he had seen a ghost when his attention was grabbed by the dark circles forming under Mark's eyes. “How nice to see you being late again…” he smiled, resting his head on his hand.

Mark looked back at Haechan but didn't say anything. He was pretty much used to Haechan's sarcasm (or at least that's what he thought). And Haechan knew that look and he internally enjoyed it. He put his pen down on the dining table and looked back at him, “You have all your energy to work on your hobby at night but you don't have time to clean the dishes?”

Mark groaned. “I was studying,” he replied, with little to no energy left in his voice while he walked towards the sink. It was a routine at this point. He would forget about the dishes at night and listen to Haechan's tantrums in the morning.

“Goddammit Mark, are you not sick of me yelling at you every day to clean your shit?” Haechan asked, as he closed the books on the table and hurriedly packed his bag.

“He is at it again,” Mark mumbled to himself and proceeded to mock him.

“Rule number 5, cleaning your dishes and laundry on time.” Haechan began, “If you're responsible for the dirt then you're also responsible for cleaning it. Said by the greatest of all, the epitome of a shitbag, Lee Mark. Isn't it ironic?” Haechan fumed. He went inside his room and came out after a minute or two, neatly dressed up for the University.

And then the chaos commenced. Mark hurried into his room and changed while Haechan prepared breakfast followed by them stuffing the food in their mouth.

“Hurry up, shitbag!” Haechan yelled while he stood at the door.

“For Pete's sake, can you wait?” Mark yelled back as he packed his bag.

“No, mud slug…we're already late and we need at least 15 minutes to reach, goddamit hurry the fuck up-” Haechan stopped when Mark pushed him aside and ran to their bikes while Haechan locked the door.

When they reached the campus, they were exactly on their time.

Meaning: late.

Haechan glared at Mark and gritted his teeth before they sprinted towards their respective classrooms. As expected, their classes started. They bowed formally as an apology and took their seats.

“It's all your fault, asshole.” Haechan texted Mark for the 4th time that week and went back to concentrating on the class.

---

Haechan was drained by the time his classes ended. Who on earth thought being good at Science would mean having the potential to do Chemical engineering? He asks himself, every time he opens his books. Maybe those who gave birth to him, then he proceeds to conclude.

He lazily dragged his feet towards Starbucks, who paid him enough to pay for rent and bills (which he shared with Mark) and for food. Saving money became much more stressful than solving his Engineering problems.

Wearing his usual smile, he was now in the cycle of customers and taking their orders, counting the hours and thinking about his lectures. He just wanted to go home and sleep.

He looked at his best friend, Jaemin, wearing his heart fluttering smile while he handed the order to their regular customer, Renjun.

“So, how was the day?” Jaemin asked, at their break. Haechan placed his head on his shoulder and let out a sigh. But before he could say anything, they were interrupted by Mark calling him.

“Oh, the migraine is here.” Haechan rolled his eyes and picked up the call.

“Hey… Where are you? When are you coming home?” Mark asked, sounding a little bit tense.

“What is it, Mark?” Haechan asked.

“I uh, actually forgot my keys...and I locked myself out…” Mark replied. Haechan could hear him being embarrassed about it.

“How sweet, babe,” he said, shaking his head to which Jaemin shot him a look with a tiny grin forming on his face.

“Haechan.”

“What Haechan? How do you call yourself older than me and act so irresponsible?”

“Do you have to fight with me about that too? Fine then. Do you want me to list out the things you mess up? You always leave the tap slightly open and by the time I come home your bathroom is overflowing with water.” Mark argued, angrily.

“It was just thrice-”

“Thrice? Just? Thrice? Then what about that time you-”

“Okay fine. Fine.” Haechan said, cutting him, “I'm at my shift, I can't come home for your service whenever you want, so get your fat ass here and take the keys, shitbag.” Haechan replied and hung up.

“Shitbag?” Jaemin laughed which made Haechan laugh too. “Is that some kind of nickname?” he asked to which Haechan just shrugged.

When Haechan looked back at Jaemin, he raised his eyebrows. “How are you just a few months in with him and are already fighting with him?”

“I know right?” Haechan groaned. “Honestly…” he began with a laugh. “I know he forgot his keys, I mean- I watched him forget his keys.” Haechan pressed his lips and closed his eyes fighting back a laugh.

Jaemin gaped at him and laughed, “Why?”

“I don't know, it's just... fun to tease him.”

“So, you're the reason why you both fight.”

“Oh please…He's a pain in the ass too. Like just a second ago he was complaining about how I leave the tap open as if he doesn't clog the toilet and his cooking skills are inversely proportional to that of Gorden Ramsey. I mean, he's bad at boiling water- forget boiling water, he doesn't even know how to turn on the stove. Like? Who-” before Haechan went on, Jaemin was nudging him. “What?!” he asked, looking at Jaemin who raised his eyebrows at someone.

When Haechan turned, he found Mark in front of him, his arms folded tightly against his chest. Haechan awkwardly laughed, slightly intimidated. Mark walked towards him and put his hand forward asking for the keys and silently walked off when Haechan handed him.

Jaemin snorted. “See what I'm talking about?” Haechan asked.

“I don't… he looks cute.”

“Don't go for his looks, okay? He doesn't seem like an idiot, but he is one.”

“Why don't you move in with me, then?”

“You? With that tiny ass house of yours filled with posters of kidneys, hearts, and a fucking bone set hanging in the corner? Thanks, I prefer a graveyard instead.”

“Okay wow. That was harsh,” Jaemin said, hitting his shoulder.

“No engineer in their careers of engineering has ever lived with a med student.”

Jaemin sighed. “Okay, then why him?”

“Not him. The house. Do you even know it's the cheapest one I've found? And I think it's too decent. He doesn't even drink, you know?”

“So? I don't drink either.”

“Tch. You're understandable… but him? Sometimes he seems too decent that I wanna murder him. It's that annoying. And he reads and forces me to read...I mean, who reads?! And then he whines about the movies. And goddammit he sleeps with his lights on, god it's so annoying, it makes me wanna punch him. He practices his guitar at night when I'm all tired, like? Doesn't he believe in the devil's hour? I don't believe in devils but I-”

“You sleep at 4 in the morning,” Jaemin said, cutting him.

“That's beside the point.”

“No. Just because he has different preferences than you doesn't mean he's bad.”

“I don't mean he's bad, of course, he isn't. But he's just not the right one for me. But when is life ever fair to me.” he scoffed.

------

Who said light is the fastest travelling thing that's known to mankind? Haechan asks himself. He assumes it's the time spent in his University that had passed so quickly and that he was now trying to survive his 5th semester. He always asks himself how he survived each semester managing to get good grades even though it wasn't the course he always wanted to study.

Although it was comparatively less shocking than thinking about how he survived with Mark for 2 long years. For these 2 years, did they get along? Haechan would say "no" without even thinking about it. And did they know better about each other? Haechan doesn't even know which course Mark was studying. He assumes it has to do with computers because he's always in front of the system doing stuff. And whenever they "talked" Mark would talk about hardware and software and would help Haechan immediately when asked about it.

He also knows stuff about Mark's parents. Mark would always talk about how much they mean to him and a good load of stuff about making them proud and being a good and hardworking child to them.

Haechan was sure that Mark had never done anything bad in his life. But that doesn't stop them from bickering over anything. Haechan still remembers the time when they fought about getting mangoes or watermelons in Summer, he even remembers them fighting over their movie preferences and ending up sleeping because they were too tired of concluding.

Mark's habit of practising the guitar at night with his LED shining as bright as the sun still bothered the hell out of Haechan.

Haechan remembers that one time they went shopping and Mark found a laughing Buddha and insisted on getting it. It was probably the only thing they brought together and that remained so long with them. They wouldn't admit it to each other but it was something that was near to their heart.

Overall these years, Jaemin grew the most concerned. “I'm worried that you would kill each other one day…” he would say every time Haechan mentions how their daily life goes. But that doesn't stop him from laughing at their dynamics.

“I can't believe that you gave him more nicknames than we ever gave each other…” Jaemin laughed. “Fart blossom?” and then he laughed harder.

That soon escalated to, “So? How's our season of fart blossom going so far?” And then Haechan would vent it all out.

But as far as Haechan knew, Mark seems like he's decent but he wasn't coming into that set at all. He was pretty sure he was bitching about him just like he was.

------

“Okay, this completely sucks,” Haechan whined, as he held his head.

Mark looked back at Haechan who was breaking his head over his subject while he was washing the dishes and scoffed, “Haechan-ah, it's not the subject's fault if you have a low IQ.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Haechan said, offended.

Mark cracked up. “Too bad. It's never gonna happen.”

Haechan was dumbstruck for a second or two until he pulled himself together, “Oh, thank god.” he said as he joined his hands. “I mean, my level is higher than your abilities to boil water.”

“Oh, Fuck off,” Mark yelled

Haechan laughed. “That's the 127th time.”

“What?”

“My 127th attempt to prove that my comebacks are better than yours.”

“You keep a count?” Mark asked, in disbelief.

“Of course. I need to keep your ego under check, so yeah,” he said, acting cocky.

“Oh god…” Mark exclaimed. “I can't believe I'm living with a 12-year-old.”

“12 years old, you say? Well, assuming that I am, then this 12 years old is better at doing stuff than your 22-year-old fat ass can,” Haechan said, boldly. When Mark sighed, Haechan cackled, “128!”

“You suck.” Mark rolled his eyes.

“So do you.”

“If you hate this course so much then why are you even doing it?” Mark questioned.

“You see, the problem with my life is… it's ruled by someone else.” Haechan said. Mark remained quiet waiting for him to continue. But he didn't. “Well?”

“I think we need a new set of rules,” Mark added, changing the subject assuming that it must be one of Haechan's antics.

“Which both of us don't follow…” Haechan laughed. He walked towards Mark who was looking at the sticky note pasted on the refrigerator. “I mean, no boys and girls are allowed after 10 pm. So dumb. Did you expect us to have boyfriends or girlfriends? Really?”

“Rule number 10: Stop fighting and letting Haechan utter bullshit until Mark and Haechan share a house,” Mark said, ignoring what Haechan said.

“And that's impossible. When we are born to fight, let's not back off,” he said as his eyes glistened with self-confidence which Mark found to be arrogance.

Mark swore he would never back off from punching him but he wished that moment would never happen. As much as he wanted to stay and fight over the most bizarre things, he wanted them to get along. At the same time, if Haechan isn't backing off, he wouldn't either. It would be okay if he didn't win against him but he would certainly want himself to be the rival Haechan would fear to fight against.

------

Coffee on a Sunday morning without worry and hurry is the brightest feeling, Mark speculated. Sipping it over and over slowly had been his age-old habit and sure, it annoyed everybody (Lee Haechan, in Mark's words) but he never tried to abandon the habit. And just as they say, Satan took the name of the devil, the said boy's phone rang on the floor.

This bitch can't maintain his phone and talks about being an adult and shit, Mark thought.

"Hello?" Mark answered, after seeing the contact name to be his father.

"Haechan?" The voice came out.

"Yeah, umm. I'm his roommate, uncle. I'm afraid I can't give the phone to him right now."

"Excuse me?"

"He is actually in the bathroom, presently."

"Oh I see, just let him know I called, okay? I have been trying to connect to him since last week."

Strange. Haechan doesn't usually avoid any important calls, may it be juniors, seniors, or his own best friend, Jaemin; nor has he seen him overly busy to not notice his call logs.

"Yeah, sure," Mark said incredulously.

"Thank you." And the call ended.

After minutes later what Mark supposed to be, Haechan came out of his room in a white shirt with a towel hung over his neck.

"Babe, one for me too, please, " Haechan said, referring to the coffee Mark held in his hand.

"Make it yourself, and oh, by the way, your fa- wait what? Is that my shirt you are wearing?" Mark asked him with a half-hearted confusion and annoyance.

"Dude, you shouldn't even be surprised if we wore each other's underwear, at this point. Clothes get mixed up, chill." Haechan relaxed on the couch before sniffing the material and saying, "Okay, you smell quite like milk."

Haechan giggled. "That's cute," he said it aloud rather questioningly causing Mark to retort, "Fucking gross."

"Anyways, what were you saying, babe?"

"Okay now stop with that babe thing."

"So, milk? What were you talking about?" Haechan teased while taking his phone.

Mark internally groaned. "Aish whatever, just wanted to say your father called and said he had been wanting to reach out to you for I don't know, a week I guess? So call him back."

Haechan gave him a thumbs up and continued scrolling.

Well, minutes and hours passed but Haechan didn't even pretend to be bothered about the phone call and Mark swore he wanted to plaster Haechan's mouth for laughing so much for the unfunny tiktok videos he watches.

Something inside tensed him up and his father's concerned tone echoed in his head and Mark wished he wasn't foreseeing any bad omens out there. But Haechan has decided to annoy the hell out of Mark, throwing him into the oblivion of frustration adding to his anxiety of the campus selections and academic stress.

Mark reminded him twice that day with Haechans response being "they will be busy now" or "after some time."

"Haechan, I know this is, like, the third time but you should talk."

Haechan replied not looking at him, "I'm busy now."

"Oh wow, watching videos is such an important work to do rather than talking to your father who hasn't known a sight or voice of yours for many days."

Haechan rolled his eyes, biting his tongue. He said facing Mark, "Well, yes."

"I can't believe you, seriously."

"I kinda did believe I was unreal, to be honest." He said fake laughing.

"You think this is a joke?"

"Laughing like a maniac is your disease."

"Well, I do see you doing the same thing right now."

Both Haechan and Mark looked sideways, pissed off at each other and blamed the other for spoiling their peaceful holiday which comes hardly once in seven days.

"Okay, and anything else to bark now or want to leave?"

"How can you be so careless, Haechan? You understand if he is trying for so many days it must be something important?"

"No, I don't. And?"

"Exactly. You don't. You never understand. Listen I don't want to indulge in your personal matters but what if it's a family emergency-"

Haechan stood up and spoke.

"Then why are you bothered, Mark? Like, seriously? You have a problem with everything. You are the one who complains about me talking for hours with Jaemin. That day, you literally screamed at my phone while talking to Sungchan. And now, if I'm not talking you still have a problem. No, like first decide what you want me to do."

"You know they are not the same thing."

"How are they not? And even if so, how the fuck does it concern you? My family, my father, my phone, my wish."

"For god's sake, shut up. Please," he pleaded.

"I don't believe in God, next."

Mark was sick of him, again.

"Stop. Just stop." Mark said, already tired.

"Stop what? Breathing? I wish I could, Mark Lee."

Mark sighed.

"Forget it. Forget I asked. I'm sorry that I tried to confront you and got scared that something might have happened." Joining his hands, Mark continued, "Thank you so much, Lee Haechan for reminding me that I don't need to give a fuck about you or your- whatever. I already have too many things to worry about. In a week, I would have to get a job and can't afford to get affected by your- stuff."

Haechan, clapping his hands sarcastically, said, "Good realization, I can say."

"Yeah, I need to study but thank you so much for the headache."

"Then leave?" Haechan said seriously.

Mark bit his jaws and was caught off guard.

"Go Mark? I gave you too much headache already." Haechan pointed his hand towards Mark's room.

Mark kicked his leg to the table and left causing Haechan to do the same later.

Rest of the day, both of them were cold to each other with Mark breaking his head studying and Haechan doing his project. With just an afterthought, Haechan realized that he shouldn't have snapped at Mark so badly and concluded Mark's action to be reasonable and that even he would react the same way if he had to.

With a balm, he hesitantly entered Mark's room and saw Mark playing his guitar on his bed.

"You said you had an exam?" Haechan asked awkwardly.

"Yeah and I need a break from studying too?" Mark replied.

"Oh- okay yeah, of course."

After seconds of awkward silence, Haechan threw the balm directly on Mark's face.

"Ouch."

"Figured you might need it for the headache."

Rubbing his forehead, Mark asked, partially irritated and partially tired, "is this your way of saying sorry?"

"Is this your way of saying thanks?" Haechan instead said.

Mark sighed, "Can't you at least give it nicely? With love?"

Haechan fake gagged, "Love? Your so boring that even a desperate single won't date you."

"It's 'you are'."

"Yeah, that's what I meant by boring. And also, you play guitar well."

"Thought you hated it."

"Not anymore. And you look kind of less ugly."

"You can compliment me properly too, you know. Nobody's gonna jail you."

Haechan laughed. And Mark did too.

"Okay, I can agree you can play it well. It's soothing. Do it often."

And then he left the room smiling and settled on the bed while holding the thoughts of Mark Lee like a pillow under his head.

-------

"So table 14 has asked for latte, right? And 17 was what?" Haechan asked Jaemin who was in a hurry.

"Espresso. And I will go for the 17 one." Jaemin said, smiling cheekily.

Haechan smirked finding the customer to be one of his close acquaintances in college.

"Renjun, my friend here li-" Jaemin closed his mouth and twisted his hands from behind and was glad to know Renjun couldn't hear any of that.

"Asshole." Jaemin said and left with the plate.

Haechan chuckled in evil, and after a few minutes of working on the order, he received a call.

"This dumbhead again?" He said aloud.

"Haechan haechan haechan you can literally kill me right now but is there any way you can get to the house real quick?" Mark sounded so desperate and his voice roared in a high pitch which, Haechan almost can mistake it to be cute.

He sighed.

"No."

"Dude, I will listen to you for whole two days-"

"Babe, first tell me what happened."

"This is the millionth time, I know but I forgot my keys."

"Yeah I know. And I am even tired of more pranks. I placed it under the doormat. And next time, don't even take it out the bag dude, I'm sick of you, seriously."

"Oh my god, Jesus Christ, thank you so much. You are the best." Mark said in relief.

"I know." Haechan giggled.

"Honestly, I'm so tired to even walk a step. I would be so mad if you asked me to come to the cafe. I'm glad, love you dude." Mark said as if he had cried a tear of happiness and Haechan would believe it in a second if you said he did.

"Okay bye.''

Cute. Haechan thought.

Haechan reached the apartment in less than half an hour and settled himself on the couch, throwing his tie and coat away. Closing his eyes, he relaxed and lied down.

As he saw Mark coming out of his room, Haechan asked him, "So, milk? How was your day?"

Mark looked at him with narrowed eyes and raised his head. He was taken aback.

"What?"

"We never talked about our days, Haechan. When I asked you that once, you accused me of trying to get closer to you."

"That's so fucking rude." Haechan mumbled to himself.

"Yeah, it was. But I appreciate your effort, to be honest. Let's fight less for our mental peace."

Haechan scoffed.

"Today I had the placement interview, and I suppose you don't know."

"Now I know." Haechan nodded.

"And they would be giving jobs to applicants."

"Yeah that's what the procedure is, geez, I'm not a child for you to explain me shit."

Mark placed both of his hands on the sides of his waist and pressed his lips as if he succeeded to prove his point from before.

"Yeah, okay, sorry whatever?"

"Are you saying sorry now? I'm concerned."

"Hey, I'm naturally nice, don't behave as if I only start fights." Haechan said, offended.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night, I guess." Mark said, grabbing the phone from his pocket as he got the notification.

Haechan internally cursed himself for behaving so weirdly with Mark all of a sudden and questions what caused him to do so. The outlook he had on Mark was completely different from what he thinks of him now. Mark actually seems much more charming, respectful and responsible than he assumes him to be.

"Haechan, what the fuck are you thinking, seriously?" He mouthed to himself.

"Okay." Mark stood up with almost trembling hands.

"Okay, what?"

"I got the job," he screamed happily.

"Wow." Haechan complimented.

"Haechan, I got the goddamn job." He smiled brightly.

"Yeah, I understood, Mark." Haechan said, widening his lips as he stood up.

"No, you don't. This job really means a lot to me. I had been struggling for four years just for this moment. I am so happy."

Mark went to Haechan wrapping his arms around him, catching the latter off guard.

As Haechan returned the hug, Mark backed off gleaming, "this is probably the best moment of my life. I'm so happy."

"Congratulations, Mark." Haechan tried to maintain the same enthusiasm in his voice but Mark seemed way beyond joyful.

After settling down, Mark threw his head backwards in the air , sighing, "I know you wouldn't realize it's importance but for me, it's huge. I have always wanted to do something on my own and this is a very huge milestone. Now, I'm finally independent."

"Yes you finally are." Haechan smiled.

"This is from my sweat and I'm so proud of it. I am my own person."

"I'm proud of you too, you deserve it."

''Like, this isn't because of anybody's influence or anything. This completely belongs to myself."

When Mark found Haechan awed, he rubs his nape awkwardly, "Sorry, I got too excited."

Haechan played with his ears which were pink from shyness, laughing and causing Mark to get embarrassed.

Haechan maybe doesn't doubt the foreign feeling anymore watching Mark gracefully talking about his aspirations and how sincere they sound, just like him, he thinks.

"I was so doubtful if I could make it. I'm glad that the interviewers selected me."

"It's not hard to like you, idiot."

Absolutely. Mark might seem the most annoying person on this earth (it's actually himself, he corrects his mind) but is also the most goofy idiot and nobody has ever been repulsed by the idea of finding Mark Lee lovable.

And he is just part of the same world.

-----

Haechan always thought peaceful mornings were a myth until Mark found his job. And suddenly he was a changed person who didn't listen to Haechan's tantrums every morning about ugly dishes. They would not go to the University together and Haechan wouldn't lie, he felt alone (but he swore to himself that he would never admit that to Mark).

Haechan took a bite of his toast while Mark was looking into the mirror and fixing his tie and went on to set his hair. Haechan couldn't help but notice everything Mark did to himself while he was chewing his toast.

Can formals make someone look a thousand times more attractive?

Mark's lips formed a smirk as he caught Haechan's eyes on him from the mirror. “You know you could just say I look good,” he said. It was his turn to act cocky.

Haechan cleared his throat and played it off (or at least that's what he thought he did). “What?” he said, acting confused. “I wasn't looking at you.”

Mark grinned as he walked towards the table to have his breakfast, “Yeah sure,” he said, still smiling.

“Look,” Haechan began with a laugh (or was it?). Watching his laugh coming out as awkward, his face flushed red. And he laughed again. “I was judging you, shitbag.”

“Hmm, sure,” Mark replied, with a smirk. “You can't admit to yourself that I look hot in formals, can you?” he said, as he got up finishing his breakfast, and moved to wear his wristwatch.

Bare minimum. Yeah, Haechan did find it hot. And more than that, he was flustered. By Mark lee. That Mark lee who he always fought with. It was the fault of the hug, wasn't it?

Haechan laughed again, “No, it's all in your head, shitbag,” he said, getting up and holding the plate to throw it in the sink.

Mark looked at him, concerned, “Are you okay?”

“What? You think I would look at you setting your hair and wearing your tie and then wear your wristwatch and my face would flush red and I suddenly can't handle your attractiveness?”

Shit.

Haechan gulped, “Then you're fucking wrong,” he added, with a laugh.

“No, I was talking about your toast. Why are you throwing it? You haven't finished it yet,” Mark said.

Fuck.

Was he that absent-minded?

Shit.

Haechan was already preparing his funeral in his head. Can he be any more embarrassing?!

“I was talking it to my room,”

He internally exhaled, thinking, “Okay, nice save there, Haechan.”

“I'll see you in the evening or whatever,” he added and immediately walked towards his room leaving behind a confused Mark.

-------

“It's completely normal to find someone attractive in formals right?” he asked Jaemin.

Jaemin looked back at him and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess?” he said. “I mean, have you looked at Zendaya? She kills it every time.”

“I mean...men look hot in a suit too, like Mark?”

Jaemin chuckled and frowned.

“Or… Tom Holland?” he added. “Okay, never mind, I've got some orders.” Haechan escaped before Jaemin asked him anything else.

------

Haechan came home and drowned in the same routine of breaking his head about his subjects. He didn't know how another year passed and it was the last year he would be associating himself with the University and the thought already felt great.

After an hour or two, Mark came home and found Haechan almost passed out on the couch with a pile of books, pens, and papers around him. He tried his best to be quiet and not disturb him but Haechan opened his eyes and gave him a huge smile.

“Milk! Wanna order some food?” He asked.

Mark smiled back and shrugged, “Sounds great to me.”

“I'm letting you decide,” Haechan retorted, immediately reaching for his phone.

“You're being overly agreeable these days and it's bothering me a lot…” Mark said with a laugh which made Haechan laugh with him.

“So, is it as stressful as it was in the first week?” Haechan asked about his job to which Mark hummed in response while they had dinner.

After dinner, Mark went on talking about loads of stuff. The same old boss who acts like a vampire but sucks their sanity, the workload, and the office in general.

Haechan watched him blabber and laughed when he did. He didn't know about anything he was talking about but something about the way Mark talked made his heart race at a faster pace.

Maybe the definition of what Haechan was feeling was written in the books Mark read because he can't seem to find a way to explain.

------

“It's completely normal to find someone's laugh cute, right?” he asked Jaemin.

Jaemin was completely done with stupid questions and at that moment he was ready to do anything that would drag Haechan out of his house. “Yeah…I miss Thomas, my bone set...” he said with a sigh. “I miss my first year… I used to talk to him every day and laugh at medical memes-”

Before he could continue, Haechan interrupted him, “I'm going home,” he said

-------

Haechan counted days and found himself acting weird and weird every day. It was like any other day when Haechan dragged himself to his house with as little energy that he would pass any millisecond.

“Haechan-ah?” Mark called him.

“Not now, Mark, I'm too tired to even talk,” Haechan replied. When he was about to enter his room, Mark pulled him towards him.

“Sit down,” he asserted but with a smile. Haechan sighed and did whatever Mark told him to do. Well, nothing but to sit without moving or talking. And the next thing Haechan knew was that he was feeling rather relaxed.

Mark pressed his shoulders slightly and massaged his head. Haechan would have the courage to tell him how much it relaxed him and calmed him down, but only that he didn't.

“You're being too nice, should I be concerned?” Haechan asked.

“Shhh.”

“Milk, did you mess up something?”

“Keep quiet,” Mark demanded. After he was done, Haechan looked back at him as though he demanded an explanation.

Mark just curved his lips and shrugged. “Jungwoo always does this to me when I'm stressed… so I thought why not. You deserve to relax a little,” he paused. “But that doesn't mean you're not a piece of shit.”

“Jungwoo?” Haechan questioned.

Mark got up and was walking towards his room but turned back and nodded, “Yeah man, Jungwoo. He has been with me since forever…” Mark shook his head and laughed.

Haechan raised his eyebrows. “Forever as in?”

“My first year of Uni?” Mark replied.

“Then you knew me since forever too,” Haechan replied, spontaneously.

Mark chuckled. “Of course… but you know, it's different, we studied together and-”

“Yeah yeah whatever, now I need to study. Good night, shitbag,” Haechan snapped and walked to his room.

-------

“Okay, if you're going to ask stupid questions then-” Jaemin began but Haechan wasn't in the mood to listen to him.

“Do you think-”

“Ugh…not again,” Jaemin sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Do you think I'm jealous of Jungwoo?” Haechan questioned, in a low voice.

“Who?”

Haechan laughed, “I was just tired, nothing else. He says he has known him since forever. Forever my ass. I was just tired right, Nana?”

“Oh wow, I'm Nana now?” Jaemin raised his eyebrows. “God, the graph of you being a pain keeps on increasing every year just like my concern about the coming years I'm going to spend with you.”

--------

“No no no-no-no. I hate this. I hate everything. This is such a 10-year-old problem and I can't do it. I could've thought 100 times before I signed up for this...”

Mark closed his laptop and watched Haechan complain about his subject for another minute or two.

“No I mean, what I fuck?! I could've done this so easily…” he cried.

“Haechan-ah… give it some time,” Mark said, softly.

“Yeah? I've got my exams in few weeks and you-”

“It's okay,” Mark said, cutting him. “Dude, you can do this.”

“Oh? So you know more than I know myself?”

Mark rolled his eyes. “Seems like I do because you are capable of doing more than crying over not being able to do a problem for once. Take some rest, go for a walk and come back and reread the problem and understand the problem… you're just tired. Trust me.”

-------

“And then he advised me to give it some time. Damn, what can this man not do? Yeah, right, cook.”

“Are you done?” Jaemin swore to god he would not back off to slice his neck if Haechan said anything else about Mark.

“I don't understand this, Jaemin-ah… sometimes he makes me want to take care of him but sometimes he makes me want to punch him...these days, he's making me want to kiss him…”

Jaemin suddenly wanted the crack Haechan snorted before he came to his house.

“Okay so... tomorrow is Mark's birthday…”

“Do you even remember mine?” Jaemin asked.

“Yeah, so… I need to go home,” Haechan replied, with an awkward laugh, somehow escaping Jaemin's glare.

------

The next morning, Mark walked out of his room still half asleep holding the actacids Haechan left when he sneaked into his room the night before.

“Okay, explain yourself,” Mark demanded.

Haechan laughed. “Jaemin wanted me to give it to you, he said you would need it because it's your special day, it's a gift,” Haechan said, stressing on your special day.

“Did he?” Mark raised his eyebrow.

“Yeah, it's because it's your special day,” he repeated with a smile.

Mark couldn't help but smile back. “And why is it my special day?” he teased him back.

Haechan shrugged, coming towards him, “Because it's special.”

“Yeah, why?” Mark asked. Haechan sneaked his arm around his shoulder, planning something. But before he could execute it, Mark placed his hand between Haechan's lips and his face. “Come forward and I'm decking you on your face,” Mark warned.

Haechan laughed, defeated. “What? It's a cute special day kiss, it's a gift,” he said, giggling

“No thank you,” Mark ducked another tease from Haechan. “I swear I'll-”

Haechan smiled, cutting him, “Go ahead, ruin me.”

Mark pushed him away. “I fucking hate you,” he exclaimed. He heard Haechan giggling from behind. “I try to be sane at least on my birthday but I remember I have you.”

“You're welcome, babe.” Haechan winked.

“What for? You didn't even wish me properly,” Mark said, sulking.

“Aww… are you upset?” Haechan asked.

“I don't give a shit," Mark lied, as he walked into his room to get ready for the day.

When he walked back, Haechan suddenly chuckled. He knew Mark was dressed up to go to the church, it was his birthday ritual. “You know… for someone who studied science, I can't believe you believe in god.”

“Nose down, Lee Haechan," Mark warned. Mark never called him by his full name until things went downhill and Haechan understood the signal (which is of no use because he was going to ignore it).

“Nose down, Haechan,” he mocked Mark. "Oh my god, are you going to curse me now? Should I act scared?”

Mark looked back at him and exhaled sharply, “If going to the church makes me feel relaxed and peaceful then why not? At least I don't mock your beliefs and hurt your feelings.”

Haechan considered it a valid argument, he remained quiet. But Mark continued, “If you keep your stuff to yourself then I would love to keep my stuff myself,” he added calmly. “I hope you're not a kid that I need to explain shit.”

Haechan looked away, considering the gravity of the situation, and nodded quietly.

“Thanks for ruining the day or do you have anything else for me?” Mark asked, rather disappointed.

Haechan pointed at the fridge, “Cake," he whispered.

Mark's eyes widened, “Really?” he asked, with small excitement. Haechan already felt a little bad and when Mark looked at the cake with ketchup on the top, he could imagine his face dropping. Mark hated ketchup. Haechan didn't look at him but a laugh escaped his lips.

“Why did I have my hopes up for you?" Mark asked. “God, you're insufferable,” he added. And that certainly hurt Haechan's feelings.

Mark tried his best to taste the cake where the ketchup wasn't there until Haechan patted his shoulder. “What?” but before he said anything else, he was pulled into a hug.

Haechan felt warm and his scent was as sweet as he seemed to look. Mark didn't dare to hug him back and it didn't last that long either.

“Giving back what you gave me,” Haechan said and walked out of the house with his bag and with a heavy feeling sitting on his heart.

------

“Hey," Haechan mumbled on his phone, standing outside Jaemin's house.

“Dude,” Jaemin sniffed. “I'll speak to you later… I have a huge Rhinorrhea right now…”

“I have stayed with you long enough to know when you're lying,” Haechan replied.

“I'm opening the door.” Jaemin gave up, and walked towards the door, and opened it.

“I think… I fucked up.” Haechan said.

“Mark's birthday?” Jaemin asked as he let him inside.

Haechan sighed, frustrated, and held his head. “No… my feelings, they are fucked up because... I think I like him.”

“Oh no… I'm gonna miss your stupid fights,” he said with a pout and laughed. “But thank god. You grew up.”

“No… Jaemin-ah, I think I like him.”

“Yeah… that's what.” Jaemin giggled. When Haechan didn't say anything, his face changed. “Wait...you mean? You mean… you actually like him?”

Haechan nodded. “I- I don't feel like I used to feel. There's this heavy feeling in my heart. I don't like it. It's- it's bad… I can feel it.” Haechan got up and walked around, restlessly.

Jaemin didn't know if he was supposed to feel concerned for Haechan. He had never seen him so helpless.

“Look… I don't know anymore… I can't hold myself from teasing him but I can't do it… I always feel as if I'm ruining all the good opportunities to make him have a nice opinion about me and I almost felt like crap when I teased him and-”

“Well, you are…” Jaemin interrupted.

Haechan sat down and looked down, “Yeah, I guess.”

Jaemin shot him a glare, “Excuse me? Back off okay? Well, you are not entirely a piece of crap…”

“Thank-”

“You're a mixture of an asshole and a piece of crap, ” Jaemin said, giving him a thumbs-up.

--------

Mark was done with his work and was about to go to sleep when his phone made a ‘ding’ with a message.

“Staying at Jaemin's tonight.” Haechan sent it an hour ago and it was followed by a video.

Mark covered his mouth and laughed. Haechan recorded himself playing a birthday song on his guitar and Mark thought it was a pretty great attempt.

Haechan let out a sigh after he was done playing. “It took me so many days to practice this to sound at least as a beginner. Sorry to sneak this from your room every night. Anyways, Happy birthday, Milk. It's 11:59 when you're watching this, so I will be the last one to tell you Happy birthday, so you better remember this for a long time. I already know I've disappointed you the whole day so I hope this makes up for it. And I hope you're always happy and I hope I'll always be a piece of crap to you. So yeah, that's it… I need to get out of my closet before mosquitoes suck all the blood off my leg. Bye.”

Mark was equally impressed and moved and he admitted it was one of the sweetest things he has ever received.

“You're the best, dude. It sounded wonderful. Thanks.” he replied with a smile and drifted off to sleep.

-------

“Thanks, man, how sweet of you,” Haechan replied and glared at Jaemin. When his phone buzzed he flinched and got up. “Fuck. He replied. Fuck," he screamed. “Omg. He said it sounded wonderful! Am I hyperventilating?”

“No, but you're certainly overreacting,” Jaemin said, snatching his phone while Haechan sat back, his hand placed on his chest.

“You recorded yourself? And learned this for him?!” Jaemin asked, surprised.

“Don't judge me…”

“Your ass didn't even get a bar of chocolate for my birthday!” Jaemin shook his head.

“I wish I had seen him react… but I know I made him smile…a genuine one. Without teasing him… I- is it okay to feel proud about this?”

Jaemin gave him a surprised look, “Holy smokes, you're whipped."

--------

Haechan tried his best to make small talk with Mark for the next few days, afraid that he would do something embarrassing. He could see Mark being suspicious of his behaviour and eventually, Haechan himself had enough of it.

“Hey, wanna watch a movie?” he asked, nervously.

“Please say no. Please, dude.. just don't say yes.” Haechan internally prayed.

“Yeah sure." Mark immediately agreed, which took Haechan off-guard.

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath.

“I wanna watch something Sci-Fi,” Mark said.

“No… something more, relaxed? Romance?”

Mark whined, “Ah no... you want us to watch 2 hours of 2 people trying to get together?”

“Yes,” Haechan retorted, immediately.

“Ah no,” Mark whined, again. “You did all the small talk and now you have an idea to watch a movie and you pick this? Seriously?” Mark scoffed.

“Seriously.”

“Why?!”

“I don't know…cuz I like you?”

“Fuck. Fuck.” Haechan screamed, internally. That shouldn't have sounded that way. That shouldn't come out at all.

Mark looked back at him and laughed, “Of course you do. Finally, you admitted. Since you're being so honest today, I'll tell you to pick the movie,” Mark said, patting his head cutely.

------

“That was his response?" Jaemin laughed. “I mean… that's how I thought too.” he laughed.

“Kay, are you done talking?”

Jaemin hummed in response and sat down with him.

“I wonder…” Haechan began. “I wonder what he thinks of me… I wonder what's in his heart.”

But before Haechan went on, Jaemin interrupted him with an, “Oh!”

Haechan looked at him surprised as Jaemin continued, “Oh I know what he has in his heart,” he said and went towards his bookshelf. Haechan's curiosity increased. Jaemin pulled out a rolled chart and hung it up on the hook. When Jaemin moved aside, Haechan gave him a death glare. Jaemin cleared his throat and reached for a pen on the table.

He placed the pen on the chart and began, “Dear student, this is a human heart,” he said, as he joined his hands with his lips forming into a teasing smile. “Assuming that this is the heart of the one you love, it is located between the lungs in the thoracic cavity, slightly towards the left of the sternum. It is derived from the embryonic mesodermal germ layer. The function of the heart in any organism is to maintain-”

Haechan exhaled and gritted his teeth, “Jaemin-ah, say another word and I'll donate your heart to a hospital.”

Jaemin laughed.

“Do you even have any ideas to forget this and to move on?”

“Confess your feelings, my dear student.”

“Ideas, Jaemin. Ideas. I'm trying to forget this happened.”

“You want me to get something to drink? Whiskey?”

“Cocaine?”

“Water it is.”

----

"Hey Zeuss!" Mark called his friend in a weird manner just like how he would usually do. Jungwoo responded with the same wide smile like always, pulling him into a side hug; Mark laughed scrunching his nose.

"What say, man?" Jungwoo replied sitting on the swinging chair beside him.

"So hungry man," Mark said groaning, "This dunderhead doesn't rest himself nor does he let his employees do. What does he eat that much for him to not even take a break? And then pulling us down for all the shit?"

"Our salary, probably?" Jungwoo said, sighing, "I have not seen a greedier boss, I am telling you, what the fuck does he do with all the money, seriously?"

"Drugs. I'm telling you, it's that. No way he's got so much energy in a fifty year old body," Jungwoo answered himself seriously, causing Mark to laugh uncontrollably, tired, and placed his head on the elder's shoulder, closing his eyes.

After a span, Jungwoo mumbled, "Anyways I'm fucking starving now, we hardly get time to eat."

Mark, nodding, took out his lunch pack, and started off; he tried to slap away Jungwoo's hand from taking a bite from his box, but the latter was quick. Mark hissed but Jungwoo didn't retaliate, he gave a teasing smile instead.

Chugging down, with a full mouth, Jungwoo let out, "As much as you describe your roommate to be a bitchass, he is so good at cooking. My sister should take some notes, actually."

Mark hit his shoulder playfully laughing, "She is trying, okay? Don't blame her. But I agree. Haechan has something about cooking. It's one of the very few things I love about him."

"Can't blame you either."

Taking Jungwoo's rice, Mark spoke out, "I mean, he has a good sense of humor too, but mostly the jokes are played on me so I can't laugh at those."

Mark chuckled awkwardly, embarrassed and Jungwoo enjoyed the moment.

"But these days," Mark continued, "I don't know what changed but he is kind of nice? Like he is still teasing me but not all the time. And even the teasing, he tries to flirt with me knowing how much I hate it." Mark made hand motions, prompting Jungwoo to giggle.

"Hmm… Interesting."

"Huh?"

"It's interesting."

"Interesting, as in?"

"Just."

"He is probably the biggest Tsundere out there. I know he appreciates me a little but the devil inside him doesn't want to admit that. The other day, like okay, I tried to relax him 'cause he was uneasy about his exam; and what? I messaged his head like you always do and I saw him sleeping quietly in the room and he didn't even say a mere thank you? Like, I understand you don't wanna waste off your ego shit but this is over the board."

Jungwoo slurped out the soup from his bowl and Mark swore he would slaughter Jungwoo's body if he hadn't been listening to him.

"Hey, I am listening okay? Don't look at me like that." Jungwoo defended himself without Mark accusing him of anything, although his unintended glare was obvious.

"Really? What do you think then?" Mark asked, raising his brows, obviously not expecting a genuine answer.

"He probably likes you, but is scared to come out."

"Scared? The Lee Haechan? You haven't known him, Jungwoo. He is a caller tone for all the nightmares of mine, he can never be scared of me. And what'd you say? He likes me? We both hate each other's guts, dude. Impossible."

"It might not be. Watch yourself, you appreciate him behind his back, probably, he does it too."

"As far as I know him, he doesn't." Mark laughed.

_______

"Mark Lee, let's go on a date today."

Mark smothered on his food bringing his fist to cover his cough, "Dude, don't say this kind of stuff while eating. What if the food gets clogged and I die?"

"And you'd still die as a virgin."

"Sleeping with many people isn't a flex by the way." He mumbled, tearing the pieces of the omelet.

"Who said I do that?" Haechan glared at him with a knife in his hand.

"Okay dude, don't scare me now." Mark fake gagged.

"Aish whatever, we are just going out and I won't even prepare lunch today. You have no choice."

"I do. You go alone and I will order pizza for today and enjoy my weekend with Netflix and Chill."

"With the pizza boy?"

"If so, what?"

"Watch me murder that pizza boy then."

"Watching too much Red Velvet these days?" Mark laughed.

You don't understand my jealousy, do you?

"Come on Mark, I need a break too. And no more questions, you are going, that's it."

"Why did you even ask?''

"Be ready, sharp 12:30, or else you will clean my room tonight."

"Just so you know, I can chill with pizza boy, confectioner or a tea worker even, I don't need your permission" Mark shouted, with irritation.

Haechan snickered, "Why not a cafe worker?"

"Huh?" Mark asked, puzzled.

"Nothing, be ready on time," Haechan left the room.

Mark attempted to throw the fork in Haechan's direction before Haechan warned him, "Mark, I know what you are doing, brace yourself."

------

Rule 1: Present Yourself nicely. Jaemin had said.

Looking himself into the mirror, Haechan adjusted the collar of his fresh white shirt, spiking his hair up. As he came out of his room, Mark looked at him, blinking, waiting for him.

"Are you sure we are just going to a restaurant?" Mark asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Wanna go and elope with the waiter or what?"

Haechan scoffed.

"No. Wanted to impress the manager instead. At least we would get a discount."

"Seeing you, I feel I'm not dressed enough."

"Not an issue, dude, hurry up." Haechan packed his phone.

"Even I want to impress the waiter," Mark whined.

"The one who had to be impressed is already impressed. Now get here quickly."

"I would look like a street-side beggar beside you, I'm changing."

Haechan couldn't reply as he was wearing his wristwatch and didn't seem to care about it either.

"I left the lights on in my room," Mark ran to his room, lying.

"Ugh, be quick, Mark." Haechan groaned.

"Two minutes," Mark shouted from inside.

When Mark came out in his new clothes, Haechan grabbed his hand and rushed outside. Mark interrupted him again, "Keys?"

Haechan nodded and dug the bag to pull out a middle finger towards Mark who gave a stank eye.

"I have it, don't worry," Haechan assured him later anyway.

Rule 2: Be a Gentleman. Take him in your vehicle.

Driving the bike, Haechan let Mark sit behind him and jokingly asked him, "Hold my waist, it would seem romantic."

"Romantic, my ass."

"Your ass is never romantic."

Mark sniffed his clothing from behind, "Hmm, you smell nice actually."

"Haha, I know."

Also, drive at a lesser speed than you normally do. We want Mark to fall; but for you, not on the road.

Haechan was nervous internally but made it to the restaurant. As they reached the place, Mark sat down and told him, "I am still mad you took much longer time for your- stuff."

"Not my fault I am more handsome."

Rule 3: Don't be snarky for at least one day.

"Okay, whatever, you don't look bad yourself."

Mark tsked. Haechan blew a hand kiss before touching his cheek causing Mark to slap it away.

"I will take the bill for today. Don't worry." Haechan gave it away.

"Okay- umm wow. Now I am equally impressed and concerned." Mark chuckled.

"Just be impressed. That's enough."

"Are you going to kidnap me? Like, is this a trap?" Mark said, catching his chest in fake fright.

"Okay, you aren't really funny to be honest."

Looking at the menu, Haechan felt like his bank balance was racing as fast as his heart but it was backward instead. He wanted to look for the cheapest item out there but realized he was going to order water.

"Dude, who even charges for water? It's a natural product. Now, do I have to pay tax for the earth too? Like, how can the government own water?"

Mark mocked him saying, "That way, even gold is free, Haechan."

Haechan sneered at him but kept quiet.

Mark said his order, "I want Kimchi stew, but very less fat, minimal oil, and Oh, no spice please. Leave the onions too."

"Geez, just have water instead," Haechan mumbled under his breath.

"Huh?"

Haechan shook his head, "Nothing. Good choice of food actually."

Drink a good amount of water after a spicy dish. What if you had to kiss?

Munching down the kimchi stew they ordered, Haechan gulped the water nervously and wondered if this was even the right time to confess his feelings (which, by now, he believes, are genuine).

When he coughed in worry, Mark asked, "Hey, you okay?"

"Very much."

Don't drink too much too, you might have to go pee during inappropriate situations.

And then he put the glass down.

Rule 4: Compliment him, reasonably.

"I know this is kind of sudden and all but it's nice that we are like this actually," Haechan truthfully lets out.

"Like what?"

"Like…...this." Then Haechan continued, "Like you see, we both have a hard time with different things and because of our personalities we both sum up pretty well."

Mark nodded and with a further intrusion of thought, he smiled, "Yeah, true I guess. Both of us have different kinds of pros and cons and it's fair to say we complement each other."

Haechan smiled.

"I wish we can compliment each other sanely too, especially you," Mark joked, "You act as if it's an act of crime to say I'm good at something," and laughed to himself.

"You are sweet Mark, really," Haechan admitted.

"You never said that."

"That's because I'm a piece of shit in admitting my emotions towards people." Haechan mumbled quietly, dragging the spoon on his plate.

Mark was awestruck for a moment before chuckling awkwardly, "wow, that kind of took a serious turn. But it's okay to feel that way I guess? I mean, it's not easy to be open to be honest. And it's not a concern either, it's just the way you are and there is no fault in being yourself."

Haechan put his palm under his chin observing his honest expression and thought how he hadn't noticed the closed versions of Mark Lee, not the usual one who threw tantrums at him for making noise or leaving the lights. This Mark Lee is something he would want to seek comfort and love from.

Oh right.

Before Haechan could further process his thoughts, Mark lowered his voice a little, timid one, "This is kind of personal but you know? I had a hard time expressing myself too, in childhood, I can say. My mom, I used to write letters to her when things got overwhelmed or overburdened. It's like a source of comfort for me and I don't know maybe that's why I am really attached to handwritten letters."

Mark's ears redden from shyness. Haechan closed his eyes in content how Mark can be so mature yet adorable at the same time. But listening to Mark talk even though he had nothing to reciprocate was nice. Mark was different and is different from him but he hoped Mark never had to change himself for anybody. Learning new and bizarre things about Mark was nice.

Haechan looked at the sides of his table and saw a couple beside them smiling and holding hands while chattering and Haechan was sure he knew what he wanted from Mark.

Rule 5: Confess with confidence and a bright smile on your face.

Haechan placed his hand on Mark's, letting out a partial nervous sniff from his nose and squeezed it rather softly but Mark didn't seem to retaliate.

"I like you, Mark." Haechan blurted out and finally realized how it feels to say it aloud to the whole universe.

Mark was taken aback and snickered out in the air, "That's not a you thing to say but I like you too, Haechan. You are a nice person. We are nice people."

Haechan tensed up suddenly.

"Mark- I mean- look at me, please," Haechan let out as he saw Mark eating the food.

"What happened?"

"Mark, I mean, I like you. Like more than a friend."

Mark was speechless for what he thinks is less than a minute and dared to look at Haechan in the eyes again, who didn't seem to want to take his eyes off him.

"Haechan- this- are you serious about this?"

"Deadass."

When Mark showed no reaction, Haechan spoke desperately, "Say something, Mark."

"Haechan, I need a goddamn minute to process this. Since, when? How long? Are you sure-"

"Mark." Haechan cut him off. He held his other hand squeezing it, voice more pleading, "Yes Mark. I really do like you. For a while actually. And I'm so fucking sure of it. One of the surest things actually."

Mark retorted with taking his hands away from his grip softly, "Haechan- now, right now, the way things are, I.. I need time."

"As in?" Haechan asked him doubtfully.

"As in, I need time. It's too early for a relationship."

"You are 22, Mark. And we have known each other for three years, precisely."

"Exactly. I'm just 22. And we haven't known each other. We are just acquainted. And you are merely a college student."

"Is there a rule that college students can't date? And I am completing my final year in like, six months."

"That's not the point."

"Enlighten me, then."

"See, I have recently joined the job and I still- I still have a lot to learn and establish. I can't afford any distractions or new attachments right now."

"So this is just a distraction to you?"

Mark closed his eyes in preparation of later words, "You are not getting my point. I'm just saying I can't yet decide my future with- I just don't know what happens later. My career is the most important now. I need to pay back everything my parents have offered to me."

Right.

"Mark, I'm not asking you to abandon your job. Why would I interfere in your career? You are not getting my point."

"No, I know you won't say that to me. I'm just uncertain to be very honest. We just have a different outlook towards everything. I'm just- I'm just scared, or say, I'm not ready for a big thing in my life."

Haechan felt dejected and bit his lips and jaws from inside to hide his disappointment.

"Mark, why don't we try it out for a while?"

"To break each other's hearts after a while?"

Haechan bent down and sighed.

"Listen Haechan, call me old-fashioned or anything but do you really think we need to force ourselves to be with each other?"

"I don't intend to force you, I just want to say it's not a bad idea-"

Mark took his hand and said, "It might not seem a bad idea now but not when we fuck up later on. Relationships aren't a drill, Haechan. Just tell me if you would be happy in a business-minded relationship. It's not you asking me and I agree on that. Where is the sincerity or honesty?"

Haechan couldn't argue on that part. And certainly, he wouldn't want Mark to get to him just because he asked him. It's supposed to be a natural feeling he admits to himself. Like the way Haechan felt for Mark. And Mark needn't feel the same way for Haechan. Not yet.

"Would your answer be the same after five years, Mark?"

"Would you ask the same question after five years, Haechan?"

Haechan groaned internally in defeat.

"Listen, I have no hard feelings, okay? I just want both of us to be happy. When the right time comes, everything will get through, trust me."

Haechan nodded half agreeing, not looking at Mark.

"I promise I will be sincere about your feelings and I respect them. I completely do. And that's why I don't want you to be affected."

"I'm not heartless, Mark. I understand you too, and respect your feelings too. I'm not mad, trust me too." Haechan admitted defensively yet truthfully.

"I just don't want you to be hurt."

"And I am not."

After a few seconds of awkward silence, "Yeah okay, I am. But it's not your fault. Thanks for being honest, Mark."

Mark pressed his shoulder from the side, "Nothing changes between us right?"

"Yes, nothing does." Unless you want it to. Haechan thinks to himself.

Rule 6: Come to me if he rejects you.

----

“Are you going to be okay?” Mark asked as they reached their house.

“Oh wow…” Haechan retorted, with his hands in the air. “We don't get that formal with each other, dude.”

Mark chuckled and looked back at him. “No hard feelings?”

“No hard feelings.” Haechan smiled. “And I'm tired, Good night,” Haechan added, immediately and walked into his room before Mark could've said anything else. His smile dropped almost immediately when he closed the door of his room. He exhaled.

“It isn't a big deal, you'll get over it,” Haechan told himself, numerous times. Haechan realized how hard it is to be distracted from something you don't want to think about. He replayed the whole dinner in his head… Now Mark's voice was ringing in his head. He remembered every little thing he said. Now everything seemed sadder.

When he opened his phone, Jaemin bombarded him with messages.

“Okay, boy, how did it go?”
“Why am I more nervous than you are?”
“Okay, if you took this long then, I'm assuming it's a win.”
“Alright, listen here you little shit, now don't forget that you got a best friend just because you got a boyfriend.”
“Okay, did you kiss? ;)) Bitch, I need details :)”
“Finally you got yourself a boyfriend :(
I feel like a proud mom :(
At least now be on your best behaviour.”

Oh to live in that reality…

-------

Life was much more than just sticking on to someone you love, right? But was it okay to be hopeful? But for how long? Why didn't he realize Mark meant this much to him? Mark was not the last person on earth...but he wouldn't find someone like Mark either.

The last thing he wanted to do was to be dull as if Mark broke his sanity. He was fine. He was just hurt. He'll get over it. It's just Mark. How hard would it be to get over him?

A week passed since he had ghosted Jaemin and probably he got lucky that Jaemin had exams so he didn't come to the café either. Haechan didn't want to talk about his first rejection yet.

Mark walking around like nothing happened between them hurt him more than he expected. This is exactly what he wanted to happen but... everything was too soon. Sure this wasn't the end of the world, but it almost seemed like it was. He couldn't help but admire everything Mark did. What can this man not do? Was a constant question.

Even industrial biochemistry and seminars were sad. The thought that only one more sem was left didn't make him as happy as it used to.

“Bitch, why aren't you replying? :( Are you that busy with Mark? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss you :) ”
“I hope you are having fun with Mark :| ”
“Life suddenly seems much more vibrant now that I'm done with exams :D”

Thanks to Jaemin who didn't give up on him.

-------

One evening after he was done with his practicals, he dragged himself to Jaemin's house. When Jaemin opened the door, he gave him a huge smile which also made Haechan realize that he missed him.

“Oh thank heavens you're alive,” he said, smiling.

“Rule 6 happened, Jaemin…” Haechan said, sounding devastated.

His face dropped into concern. “Oh boy…” he mumbled. “Okay, come in.”

Haechan smiled, sadly. “You don't want me to violate your rules now, right?”

“Jesus Christ,” Jaemin muttered and immediately went inside to get some blankets. “You don't need to do this, Haechan-ah…”

“But I want to do this. I have to do this…” Haechan said, looking down, biting his lip. He dragged himself to the roof. Jaemin hated it when he drank inside the house which prompted Haechan to make the roof his minibar.

-------

“The sky looks magnificent,” Haechan said, gulping the liquid and letting the alcohol get into his system. Jaemin looked over at him with disappointment and concern. “The stars…” Haechan paused. “They look like Mark's beautiful eyes…”

Jaemin could already find the symptoms of a rejection rising.

“I think we've done enough for today?” Jaemin asked to which Haechan smiled, dreamily.

“Oh, boy...seems like it's gotten to you,” Jaemin said.

Haechan nodded. “Completely…and it's not wrong to want more… I mean, let me celebrate my heartbreak… let every cell of my body know how it feels like to be rejected by the perfect man in the Universe.” Haechan let out. “Na Jaemin, dare to stop me and I'll leave this place and never look back at you… take my pain and alcohol seriously.”

Jaemin watched him gulp down more than half of the bottle within minutes and Jaemin wanted to cry over the fact that he was unable to stop him. When Haechan placed the bottle down, he laughed.

“I thought my life was all colourful yesterday… you know, I realize this now, the feeling of being in love is so...pure and happy. I wish I never told him… and now everything feels so...black and white, and boring.”

Jaemin got up and removed the other unopened bottles.

“Don't take them away, Na Jaemin, I'll-” Haechan tried to reach over to Jaemin but ended up on the floor. “I'll… run away.”

“Try running away and I'm dragging you back and tying you to the wall,” Jaemin warned.

Haechan laughed, “Hmm, kinky.”

Jaemin shot him a glare. He didn't need to do this because someone rejected him. Alcohol as a coping mechanism was something Jaemin hated the most. Haechan gulped down a little more of the liquid.

Haechan kept quiet for the next few minutes and Jaemin almost thought he passed out but was disappointed to find that he wasn't. Haechan chuckled, sadly.

“My parents are divorced,” Haechan smiled and gulped the lump in his throat.

Jaemin looked at him, half concerned and half heartbroken, “Haechan-ah… I thought that whole thing was censored?”

“Let it go~ let it go~ can't hold it back anymore...turn away and slam the door," Haechan screamed.

“Okay, Elsa… I think it's time to go to sleep.”

“You tell me what to do? It's a no-no.” Haechan screamed back. He scoffed, “They did what they wanted, and now… Mark, my first genuine love, wow. What a way to watch my life fuck me up this bad.”

Jaemin grew concerned.

“Don't let them know~ well now they know~” Haechan went on but stopped for another couple of minutes. He suddenly stood up and faced the other.

Jaemin looked up at him and raised his eyebrows.

“So I dressed up for him, washed my hair, took him from my bike, and paid the bill. I did all this for what? Was that all for nothing?” Haechan let out. He sat down and looked at his legs, “I think- I think my life is all Billie Eilish. Isn't it lovely~ all alone?”

Jaemin facepalmed.

“Now… every time I talk to him, he might go, “You just want attention~” and that might escalate to “We don't talk anymore~” I swear Mark… it's not like that…” Haechan cried.

Jaemin let out a giggle of defeat, covering his face.

“But he'll never be alone… I'll be with him from dusk till dawn~” He began. “My love… he makes me feel like nobody else. But my love… he doesn't love me so I tell myself~ that I need new fucking rules.”

Jaemin laughed out loud.

“No? What did I expect? I go to him, hold his hand and sing “If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go~” and he would be like “Damn, I like me better when I'm with you~” Yeah, sure. But instead, he said “Bitch, UNO trauma +4. BYE BYE BYE~” Maybe...I should be more understandable…” Haechan calmed down. “No, fuck it. Why should I be?”

Jaemin just watched his monologue.

“Maybe I should… after all, it's Mark.” He retorted to himself and remained quiet.

“Career is important,” Haechan scoffed. “I didn't ask him to leave his job…did I? He is just one of those tropes who are decent and annoying. When I tried to convince him, he slapped me with bullshit logical arguments,” Haechan said, frustrated. His expression immediately changed into a cry, “I don't care… I don't care about logic. I don't care about anything… he can ruin me. He already fucked me up, now...I don't care.”

Jaemin wanted to puke. He had never seen Haechan this high and he just wanted to disappear. He wanted to take his words back when he said he missed him. “Okay, that was too much… I think we should go back to those song puns,” he said. He almost felt like he was watching some teen angst version of Romeo and Juliet and Haechan isn't even a teenager.

“How do I explain this to him?” Haechan began. “What does he even know about how I feel about him? I want to be hopeful...wait for him…” Haechan said, placing his head on Jaemin's shoulder. “My life...it would've been so easier if he had just said yes. I just can't concentrate on anything, Nana...I understand his concern but I just don't? My subjects feel less stressed than knowing that I have to keep everything to myself.

“I want to tell him that he means so much to me but now I can't seem to do it. It hurts. And it's just a rejection… it shouldn't matter this much, Jaemin… but it just does? It feels like my heart is compressed and I can't breathe knowing that he means so much to me…

“I can't leave him either… it's not about the house anymore...it's him. Just looking at him in the morning makes me feel relaxed… there's a reason to smile when he does, he brings me more happiness than our laughing buddha.”

“What an unhealthy amount of booze can do to you…” Jaemin sighed. “A whole lot of explanation about that man but nothing about ghosting a best friend?”

Haechan laughed, “You wanna know why?” he asked to which Jaemin hummed. “It was so nice to live in what you were thinking, that Mark didn't reject me...and I was spending time with him, going out for dates and watching some rom-com with him and laughing. He wouldn't reject my hugs and kisses anymore...it's just so nice to imagine.”

Jaemin sighed. He wanted to drink the whole thing and pass out. Instead, he said, “Life is just this, bestie.” and went on to make up things, “As a med student… I know my love life would be as dry as a dessert...but in those days, I found a girl who looked like an angel and when I dared to tell her what I felt, she said “I'm sorry, Jaemin. I have a boyfriend...we can be friends.” I don't want friends…” he whined. “I just wanted a girlfriend...or a boyfriend…”

“We are on the same page, Na Jaeman. I know I can trust you. You are the soul to my mate and B to my itch.” Haechan said as he placed his hand on Jaemin's shoulder. “Don't worry… I'll talk to Junjun and set you up with him.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes but didn't say anything.

"Why don't you drink?" Haechan asked, out of nowhere.

"I like coffee more. More espresso, less depresso.” Jaemin retorted.

"It's more expresso less depresso, Jaemin. You should confess to Junjun."

"And get rejected like your ass."

"Fuck you,” Haechan replied, showing him his tongue to tease him. “My career is important…” Haechan repeated, after a minute or two. “What does he even do in his job? That ‘tick' ‘tick’ of his computer… how nice it would've been with me… either way, ” Haechan paused, smiling. “He's cute. He doesn't know how to do shit...but he's cute. So huggable, warm and smells so-”

“I didn't ask for this.”

“But you deserve to hear me rant…” Haechan whined. Haechan took his alcohol bottle and stared at it, “This is the only thing that's been there for me…” and proceeded to kiss the bottle.

“I would give anything to unsee this.” Jaemin closed his eyes. “I wanted to do medicine to be a surgeon, unaware that my medical degree was already plotting my surgery. And when I come out alive, my first surgery would be yours for torturing me like this. And I swear, you're not coming out alive.”

Haechan laughed. “I knew you loved me so much… but don't worry, darling. Call me if you run out of patients, I would kick someone's ass for you…bro”

“Bro,” Jaemin said and Haechan remained silent for a long time. “Haechan-ah...can you hear me?” Jaemin asked to which Haechan hummed. “Stop drinking…”

“I know what you're going to say… smoking and drinking are injurious to health blah blah… I know.”

“No… stop drinking, for me. This might feel like the end of the world but it ain't it, he isn't worth shit. You don't need to hurt yourself. Mark isn't your priority. He has never been. Look at him as a passing cloud.”

“He isn't...Nana. He isn't a passing cloud. Do you know what he said to me the day he rejected me? “No hard feelings, right?" And I said yes. It's a lie. Everything is hard. I keep telling myself to take it easy. Easy that... It's just him. Easy to make us feel comfortable with each other...easy for him. But it isn't. But, you're right… let it go~ let it go~” he said and incoherently mumbled something more before passing out. Jaemin was glad.

------

Jungwoo nudged Mark's shoulder when he seemed to be lost with himself.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

Mark took a sip of his coffee and nodded as though nothing happened, “Yeah man…”

“It's about your roommate, isn't it?” he questioned.

Mark nodded with a sigh. “He confessed.”

“Oh my god- wow… see I told you. I knew I was right.”

Mark looked back at him, “And I wish you weren't…”

“Why? What do you mean?”

“I rejected him…” Mark looked down. “I feel bad… I thought everything was going to be normal. I try being and I feel like, he's all normal too… but I don't know, I just wish he didn't tell me- I don't understand why he would like me...out of everybody…”

“You're thinking too much, Markus. And don't feel guilty. You just don't like him back and it's okay. And you should be glad that he was okay with your answer.” Jungwoo tried to convince him.

“Are you sure though? What if he wasn't? It's not like I completely dislike him either… he seemed genuine and I just don't want him to expect something from me. Just not now…everything is uncertain for me and I can't pour my uncertainty on him too. Even though he's a piece of crap to me all the time, I just want him to be happy.”

“Give it some time. Everyone moves on at one time.”

-----

Haechan, in no other universe, would trust you if you told him that he was gonna spend a night letting out his heartbroken state, mumbling sappy sad shit to his best friend just for a boy who happened to be his roommate. But well, the Haechan in the other universe hasn't fallen deeply for the boy either.

Searching the corners of his wallet, Haechan realized he is just one like the broke and broken menaces on the earth and has no choice but to just count the number of pennies that can reimburse his bills. The paycheck for the month was due, but so were his rents.

He wouldn't deny he was tipsy when he reached home. Legs quivering, heart racing and ears hitting; he felt like sleeping again. The throb in his chest and head was equally inevitable considering the amount of alcohol he consumed the previous night. However he believed there was no other coping mechanism.

"Did you drink last night?" Mark asked him as if it wasn't any obvious.

Now, Haechan was gay and liked Mark but not gay enough to refuse that he hates the fact that Mark has his routine of nagging at Haechan. It's not like he hasn't informed Mark about his plans of staying at Jaemin's, that night.

"No, hooked up with three men and two women last night." Haechan blabbered, taking the seat.

"If I hadn't known about your broke ass, I would have completely believed you. Watch how drunk you are."

Asshole.

"I don't need to see, Mark. I am experiencing it as a first-person. And it's not quite great. So I plead you to shut the fuck up." Haechan said, catching his head.

Mark sighed. "I was really bold to reckon that you might not be this annoying anymore."

Haechan couldn't believe Mark was the one touching this subject now when he didn't want to think about it himself (he fails to, he declares to himself).

"Thank God, I didn't assume that your ungrateful ass would feel any sorry."

Mark, rubbing his temples, mumbled softly, "Listen, I'm so tired. I couldn't sleep properly last night. So let's not start again."

Haechan sighed. He didn't want to argue either; he was tired enough from his college stress and desperately wanted to buy new stuff for himself. His shoes tore from the inside and the air just erupted randomly from outside and he was sure he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of others by falling down.

And books. The books cost more than his life and he almost felt like he is spending money by just breathing, except for the fact that he isn't sufficiently fed for his needs.

"Mark Lee? Return back my money." Haechan's voice reached the kitchen as Mark struggled with the toaster.

"Huh?" Mark asked.

"I NEED BACK MY MONEY" Haechan screamed with his whole voice.

"Oh God Haechan, please don't fucking shout. We have enough dogs near our apartment."

"Watch your mouth, Lee."

"What money do you want anyways?"

Haechan finally dragged his feet to the counter and lazily sat on it facing the elder, directly, "the bill I paid, let's split."

"Huh? If you wanted to split, why did you become Mother Teresa at that time?"

Who knew you would reject me?

But of course he wouldn't say that.

"In an effort to become Justin Bieber, I became Mother Teresa instead," Haechan said quietly to himself.

Maybe Mark wasn't awake enough to hear Haechan, so he didn't answer.

Both of them were silent for a few moments and they wouldn't deny the comfort in the silence they got. Even a pin drop would cause head haemorrhage to them, probably (or that's what they wanted to believe).

Maybe Mark thought that a second more of silence would result in both of them dozing off, so he pressed the button continuously as the toast didn't seem to come out.

"Gosh, Mark, what the fuck?"

"This machine, this shit doesn't work, I'm so tired."

Haechan groaned. When he noticed Mark having a lot of struggle handling the device, he realised the plug wasn't clicked.

"You are such a dumbass I swear you need to go to school and learn stuff, Mark." He hissed angrily.

Mark put his energy in thrusting the button like his life depended on it. Technically it did. Because he needed to eat to survive. And the toast was his breakfast. And the toaster-

"This is an electronic machine?" Haechan shouted angrily, taking the wire to the plug point, "and this fucking needs an electrical connection to function?"

"Oh shit, yeah."

"What oh shit yeah? This is basic common sense, Mark."

"I didn't notice, okay?"

"Of course you wouldn't? Because Mark is dreaming, right-"

"Take my money," Mark cut him off quickly to evade further turmoil.

Haechan cried a tear of happiness and hugged Mark simultaneously, pressing his mouth to his neck before mumbling, "you are a shitbag but a helpful shitbag dude, thank you."

Mark just was glad that Haechan gave in. He sighed in relief.

--------

"And this becomes 12000 bucks." Haechan calculated.

"Yeah, and you have 5000 left?" Jaemin asked.

"No dude, I need more than 5000, at the least. The water bill can be managed by Mark now. But for the newspaper- shit dude, who even reads the newspaper when we have a phone? Why did we keep it like fools?"

Jaemin made a sough. "And what about the debt to the senior who bought you the calculator."

"Ah, don't remind me. I'm dangerously broke, dude. Like for real, I am struggling a lot." He bent his head down on the table.

"What about the classes you offered? There should be something, right?"

"Everything is spent." Haechan muttered quietly.

"Scholarships?"

"I'm not spending that on my expenses, Nana."

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I fucking have no clue. I can convince Mark this time… but...it just keeps on increasing. Fuck capitalism, man."

Jaemin offered his loaf of bread, "I think I can lend you around 2000 for now… as bad as it sounds, I'm broke too."

Haechan nodded, worried.

"Hey," Jaemin said, voice softer, "listen?" careful this time, "if that's okay with you?" he stopped, feeling nervous to continue.

"What? Tell me anything. I am ready to graze goats if I have to. I just need money."

Jaemin let out again, "you can ask 'them', you know?"

Haechan rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, I expected better of you, Jaemin."

Jaemin retorted, more confident this time, "Why is it wrong though? I mean, it's just money, so what's the problem?"

"You are advising me to ask for money even after being aware of all the shit?"

"That has nothing to do with this, idiot. And is it not their duty to supply it anyway?"

"And can I ask them outright?"

"Why can't you?"

Haechan bit his ledges in annoyance, speechless, but is also scared of the implications of the words he would let out.

Enough of people getting hurt already.

"And don't forget that you are still-"

"Now, you don't start giving me lectures man, I have had enough of this already."

"What's your solution, then?"

"I don't know. I don't know yet, but I will manage. But not this. I would rather die than ask for their help. Economical or emotional."

Haechan said seriously, glaring at the ground.

"It's not as bad as you make it to be, trust me. Don't be so harsh on the people. On yourself."

"It's too late, Na Jaemin."

"Haechan, you are making a blunder. Indeed, you are loved-"

"What's the point, now?"

"See, I don't mean to compel you, but you must be considerate too-"

"I don't give a fuck anymore." Haechan left the counter giving a last glance and the message to his friend that he wasn't ready for this conversation anymore.

---------

"You are," Jaemin whispered, "Haechan's-"

"Yeah, I am." Mark looked at Jaemin's face in confusion, and asked him to get inside.

Before Mark can ask about his sudden appearance to their house, early in the morning at 7 o clock, Jaemin smiled and asked him, "Where is Haechan?''

" uhh.. He is in his bedroom. He hasn't woken up yet, to be honest."

"Oh."

Mark wanted to ask further questions but Jaemin was quick to move.

As Jaemin put his hand forward towards the doorknob, Mark, in inquisitiveness, asked him, "All okay?"

"Yeah, just the stuff between friends, no biggie."

That explains all the packets Jaemin had brought. Mark didn't really comprehend the gravity of the situation but understood that something might have happened between the two of them and the promising way to sort things out with Haechan was food.

His love language was sharing food.

Blame Mark's idiotic habit of nitpicking for the fact that he asked, "Your friend is quite a difficult guy, isn't he?" jokingly.

"No." Jaemin cut him. But with a lighter smile, "My friend fights with the people only he is attached to."

Mark awkwardly nodded and couldn't think of a decent way to process Jaemin's sincere words about Haechan.

Of course, Haechan seemed quite like a demon devouring his sanity from the day they had been living together and Mark concluded his habit of being an instigator.

Of course, Mark and Haechan are just insufferable idiots who had been forced to live with each other. Just that.

But Mark did feel a tingle in his chest when Jaemin said that. In a venture to abandon his thought, Mark moved away in his decency to give privacy to the friends as Jaemin reached Haechan's room.

Jaemin practically climbed on top of the sleeping figure of Haechan and screamed in his ear to wake him up. Haechan woke up partly pissed and partly surprised before Jaemin pulled out chocolate for him.

"What's special today, why are you here in my house? Get out," Haechan said, showing the direction.

Jaemin obviously knew he was joking so he laughed and attacked his face with a kiss, "You. You are special," Jaemin smiled when Haechan couldn't talk with the burden of Jaemin's body on him.

When Haechan didn't retort, Jaemin further kissed him causing Haechan to let out muffled words of "Fine fine. Be here. Don't kill me from hyperventilation."

Jaemin smiled in victory when Haechan asked him, "What's it now?"

Jaemin gave him money.

"How did you get this?" Haechan asked, equally worried, amazed and pleased.

"I sold my previous practical books." Jaemin smiled.

Haechan was speechless for a minute but immediately hugged his friend out of relief in utmost gratitude and love. Jaemin patted his back.

Before Haechan could say something, Jaemin cleared his throat, "Now don't think this is charity or something, you owe me many things already."

Haechan scoffed, "Dude, I can give you my life if you ask. Just don't ask."

Jaemin rolled his eyes, but Haechan hugged him again and muttered genuinely, "I love you," in his ear.

"Dude, even if I gave my life, I would have so many things to owe you, but they are not even mine," Haechan said, smiling sadly.

Jaemin slapped his cheek playfully, "Don't say that. What are best friends for?"

Haechan closed his eyes in content for a moment but nodded.

As they came out, Haechan called Mark to join them for their breakfast even though he seemed very skeptical to do so. He felt awkward between the two friends chattering among themselves but somehow felt welcomed with Jaemin's warm smile and Haechan's tantrums.

Both are contrasting but did have the same impact.

Haechan slurped the rice with hunger and Jaemin sipped the orange juice. When Haechan offered Mark yoghurt, he glared at him but politely said, "No thanks" causing both of them to laugh.

In an intention that he should speak something to flush out the apathy between them, Mark asked genuinely, "What are your future plans? I remember Haechan telling me that you study medicine. What do you specialise in?"

"Uterus. You have it?"

Haechan chuckled with a crinkle in his eyes but Jaemin looked at him biting his lips as if he had asked a forbidden question.

"I plan to do gynecology." He finally said it, but Mark was sure Jaemin was pissed at him.

If anything, Mark was as pissed as him right now. No, he is more than pissed, actually.

"Crazy bitch," he mumbled in a low voice, not expecting him to hear it literally.

"Hi crazy bitch, myself Na Jaemin." Jaemin said with a smile, putting his hand forward.

Haechan broke into a big outburst of laughter and playfully hit Jaemin's shoulder covering his own face.

Dumbstruck was the expression Mark would describe on his face now. With narrowed brows, Mark held his hand forward, "Mark. Mark Lee. Nice to meet you."

Definitely not nice at all.

As they shook their hands, Haechan said between his giggles, "Jaemin really hates it whenever somebody asks about his career, Mark. Like, you see, what a pleasant way to cause anxiety to a college student."

--------

"Like okay, I understand that you don't want to answer questions like these; But what the fuck is that answer?" Mark ranted, in an irritated tone, with an utmost display of annoyance and anger which made Jungwoo laugh out of astonishment.

Jungwoo cackled, closing his mouth over Mark, chatting about his experience with Haechan's weird best friend, Na Jaemin.

Jungwoo took a breath from laughing continuously and uttered, "Woah, but his friends are just one of a kind, seriously. Haechan's friends are scary."

"But honestly, this guy is something else. He insulted me in front of Haechan dude; when I called him a crazy bitch, he returned that back to me, like no hesitation at all," Mark sighed, before continuing, "Okay, not that Haechan hesitates either."

Jungwoo laughed, "Both of them belong to the same breed."

"As if you are any less questionable but okay."

"Now you are defending their friends too?" Jungwoo asked, fake offended.

"It's not like that, okay whatever, let's continue or else the dipstick would slice us alive."

Jungwoo nodded and went to his screen. Mark, on the other hand, knew no peace in his mind and called it maybe his fake acclaim, he was really mad. As much as he wanted to brush him off for being Haechan's supportive friend, he was apprehensive.

"That joke was damn funny though," he admits aloud. But he didn't want to give in, because he was insulted in front of Haechan. But Haechan gave him an even more astounding variety of swear words, calling him shitty names but Haechan's case was different from Jaemin. Why? Because-

"My friend fights with the people only he is attached to."

"Shut up Mark, just shut up. It's nothing. It really is nothing. Both Na Jaemin and Lee Haechan are just a bunch of idiots. Shh. Relax." He involuntarily placed his finger on his lips to calm down and stop the subconscious murmuring to himself.

He went to the meeting and came back but his mind revolved around several things like how his high school anxiety was just the conspiracy theories of himself but again drifted his mind to remembering what he remembered five seconds ago.

Just as he was about to concentrate on his recollection again, Jungwoo intervened.

"Yo Mark! What's for lunch today?" Jungwoo called him.

Mark flinched with his voice but answered, "Uhh.. I guess kimchi fried rice."

As he opened the box, he realised it was chicken.

"You have a failed memory at 22, Mark." Jungwoo teased.

"But Haechan really likes kimchi so I thought he would make it," Mark said, thinking.

"Hmm?" Jungwoo listened to him as he spoke.

"Yeah. Also did you know-?"

"I don't know."

Mark gave him a glare but continued, "So that day Jaemin came to our house, right? So I just told him jokingly that Haechan is a difficult guy to deal with. But then the next moment he was like, "he fights with only close people," what should that mean?"

Jungwoo hummed, "What else could it mean, Mark?"

Mark thought for a moment and replied, "Like maybe Haechan thinks I'm a very close friend? I don't know but isn't that nice?"

Jungwoo scoffed, "Dude, you are the one who told me they are just soulmate best friends, of course they would admire each other. You must not go believe every shit they say."

"You think so?"

"Obviously; next time Jaemin would say Haechan won a gold medal and you would believe that too." He said jokingly.

Mark chuckled.

"But Haechan is indeed a nice dude, he is not as bad as he seems. Very sweet in fact-" Mark admitted.

"Okay Romeo, I will not say anything about your Haechan," Jungwoo teased half-heartedly. Mark playfully hit his head and both continued their lunch.

As Jungwoo offered his share, Mark mumbled again, "Haechan really really really hates tomatoes, you know? But when I complain about cucumbers, he scolds my ass. Like it's for real, it's very annoying," sipping the soup.

"My God, you want to talk about them again, Mark Lee? I swear half of our conversations are about him all the time. Every time you bring him up unprovoked, you owe a dollar," Jungwoo said, slamming the table in a dramatic voice imitating one of his favorite actors in a movie.

Mark laughed on his chest and uttered, "You and Haechan are very similar, you know?"

Jungwoo sighed, "Mark Lee, this is too much now. I can't handle this anymore," and then his tone changed, softer, gleamy, "You sure do like him, don't you?"

Mark retorted and gave him a grossed-out expression, "Ew. Don't say that again, dude."

As they moved towards the basins, Mark came out suddenly and said in a sharp tone, with his thumb and index finger very close to each other, "maybe this much."

Jungwoo facepalmed.

---------

Sometimes Mark just wanted to get inside Haechan's head to see what goes on. Mark was now confident that things between them didn't change. That made him wonder if Haechan had no feelings for him anymore or he was still giving him signs that Mark's dumbhead (as Haechan calls him) didn't understand.

But now… he wanted to scratch the part where he wanted to know what goes on in his head.

“You know the whole day had been pretty cloudy, right?” he asked Haechan, who turned up to the house at half-past 12, completely soaked in rain. “Why wouldn't you take a raincoat or an umbrella with you?” he added.

Haechan rolled his eyes, snatching the towel Mark was handing him. “I put a foot in the house and mom starts screaming at me,” he mumbled. “Why do you care? It's my body, my hair-”

“Yeah, your clothes, I don't give a fuck, but if you catch a cold then I'm not hesitating to throw you out of the house,” Mark said, cutting him.

“Deadass?”

“Deadass. Do you even know that there's no known cure for the cold?” Mark asked him, seriously.

“No, I don't? Nor do I care. I'm not a med student. Ask Jaemin, you might get along with your cure for the cold,” Haechan replied. “And how are you so sure that I would catch a cold? Do you know me more than I do?”

“For a matter of fact, I do,” Mark said, sitting on the couch, opening his laptop. “And I don't want to list out billions of instances of you catching a cold the day after you soak yourself in rain. Now for heaven's sake go to your room and take a warm shower.”

“Shower?” Haechan whined. “I'm tired, Milk. Do you wanna help?” he raised his eyebrows and winked (well, not exactly. But he attempted. And it was a very bad one)

Mark looked up at him and glared, “You're messing up with the wrong person, Lee Haechan.”

Haechan laughed. “Oh my god… I'm so scared. I am pissing my pants right now… oh my god- Mark is so scary...somebody help!”

“Fuck off, Haechan,” Mark said, shaking his head with a laugh with his attention on his laptop.

Haechan laughed and went inside. “Take a shower. Bother to take care of your ass.” Mark yelled at him to which Haechan responded with a “Yes.”

------

The next morning, it turned out as expected. Haechan came out of his room, sniffing and sneezing.

“I fucking told you…” Mark shook his head.

“Well…” Haechan began but was interrupted by a sneeze. “You do know,” and another sneeze. “Me.” another one. “Fucking shit… This is bad…” he said walking towards the drawer to find some medicines.

Haechan being sick was a nightmare to Mark. Not because he was too much concerned about him or anything, but because Haechan became the most unpredictable person on the planet.

The whole day, Haechan kept taking sips of warm water and prepared porridge. And then the actual menace began.

“I'm going to die…” Haechan began.

“Oh, here we go…” Mark said. “You just have a cold. And now you seem better than you were in the morning.”

“You think? But I don't feel the same way inside me… something's happening Mark… I'm scared…” Haechan said, putting his hand on his mouth.

Mark let out a sigh. “You're not going to die, dumbass.”

“Yes, I know, bitch.” Haechan smirked. “I am Iron man. I am inevitable.”

“But the End game also happened, Haechan,” Mark said, holding back his laugh.

Haechan cried out loud. “I am gonna die…”

“Shut up. You call me a shitbag, now you're acting like you're one. And stop screaming, you are not gonna die.”

“You said there's no known cure for cold… that means, today is probably the last day on this planet.”

“Overdramatic asshole,” Mark mumbled.

“I heard what you said,” Haechan retorted. “I knew it. I knew you never liked me,” he cried out loud. “I understand… when was I ever-lovable anyway?”

“Jesus hell, please shut up,” Mark said, shaking his head.

“You're going to take care of David when I die right?” Haechan asked as his lips quivered.

“Who the fuck is David?”

“My golden retriever…”

“Haechan, you don't have a dog!”

“Golden retriever!” Haechan screamed.

“Stop screaming!” Mark yelled back.

“You aren't even sitting near me...do you hate me that much, Mark? Do I mean nothing to you?” Haechan went on.

“You are fucking sick and I don't make contact with assholes, unhygienic and diseased people. And you are everything mentioned above, so…” Mark shrugged.

Haechan cried out louder. “I just wanted to…” he sniffed. “Just… dance in the rain for once… and last night, the God of heavens blessed me with rain and I gave in...is that a sin? Mark?”

Mark was dumbfounded. “My god… Haechan you are now pissing me off… I'll-”

“Can you pay all our bills alone?” Haechan curved his lips as though he was about to cry. “Oh my god- your ass can't even cook… Can't do the laundry properly...can't clean the dishes, can't clean the house properly… how are you going to survive?” He looked at him with pity. “Zero only has value with one and you only have value with me… I feel so bad for you…”

Even though it was about Mark, he covered his face and laughed. “You're unbelievable...god why do I even-”

“Can you tell Nana that I love him after I die?" Haechan said, cutting him again.

Mark reached onto the pillow nearby and threw it at him. Haechan gave in and laughed. “But genuinely… Would you love me if this was my last day on the planet?” he asked, sounding rather serious.

“Haechan… did you check the manufacturing date of the medicines…? Cuz you are acting like you are drugged,” he said, laughing.

When Mark got up to leave, Haechan held his wrist. “I'm serious and curious.”

“Well, you are not dying.”

“Hypothetically-”

“Let me add a hypothesis to yours. Let's say you knew about your death a few days before. And when you do, inform me of the date and ask me the same question and I'll think about it and tell you on the day you are gonna die."

“Asshole,” Haechan mumbled. “But, Mark…” he began, sounding genuine, “I love you so much that I can get you a star.”

Mark's frustration was higher than the fact that his heart skipped a beat. He exhaled sharply and said, “Okay, let's assume, you got me one. Then what am I supposed to do with it? Thermonuclear fusion?”

Haechan sniffed and facepalmed, “This is why you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.”

“Aww… is the baby upset?” Mark teased, reaching to Haechan's cheek to pinch it but Haechan shoved it off.

“Get the fuck off and don't talk to me for the next few days.”

“If this ain't the actual blessing from the heavens.”

“Is that it?" Haechan said, getting up.

“Oh my god...I can't take you seriously with that voice,” Mark retorted and laughed, falling on the couch. “Your voice when you catch a cold is the cutest, I admit,” Mark said, still laughing.

“Mark-ya… you're pissing me off,” Haechan said.

“Oh my god, Lee Haechan is so scary, I'm scared,” Mark said, faking a shiver.

“I hope you get shot by lightning,” Haechan said, angrily.

“Then I hope you are also standing by my side.”

Haechan gritted his teeth and threw a washed sock on Mark's face that was lying around on the couch, “You always behave like a stinky dumbass because your head is filled with unwashed socks.”

“If you were a conspiracy theorist, you would be a flat earther.”

Haechan glared at Mark. “Everything in you grew, even your ass, but your brain didn't.”

“Well, at least I grew.”

Haechan screamed and stomped his way to his room, shutting the door loudly, while Mark laughed, completely satisfied that he defeated Haechan. “That's the 9th time, Lee Haechan.”

Haechan immediately walked out of his room, “Ha! I already hit the century, you're still in single digit.”

“Number doesn't matter, the impact matters and I knew it had a huge impact on you,” Mark cackled proudly. “And why are you back? Go back, be upset.”

“No, I won't go back.”

Mark frowned. “Huh?”

“You can never reach my level, Mark.”

Mark frowned, again. “Why don't you wanna go back to your room?”

Haechan looked around and sighed, “There'saspiderinmyroom.”

“What?”

“There's a spider in my room,” Haechan repeated to which Mark laughed.

“That Lee Haechan whose arrogance expands faster than the expanding Universe is scared of a tiny spider?”

“I'll cry if you make fun of me and I'm sick too…. So, can I-”

“You are not going to sleep in my room, no.”

“Get rid of it then,” Haechan whined.

“It's your room.”

“Let me sleep in your room, then.”

“No.”

--------

Mark adjusted himself on his bed when Haechan took more than half of the space.

“Can you take any more space?” Mark said, nudging him.

“Yes,” Haechan said, as he kicked Mark which prompted him to fall on the floor.

“Asshole.”

Mark walked into the living room and made himself comfortable on the couch. Moments later, Haechan came out, “Move," he said.

“Now what?”

“Making us even.” Haechan retorted, as he moved the couch and arranged the mattress on the floor.

“I fucking hate you.” Mark retorted.

“No, you don't,” Haechan said, as he lay on the floor and closed his eyes.

Mark rolled his eyes. “No I don't," he thought internally.

-------

“Mark?” Haechan mumbled, quietly, still his eyes closed.

“Haechan?"

“Are you feeling sleepy?” he questioned.

“No,” Mark muttered.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

Mark hummed in response.

“Choose the genre in 3, 2, 1-”

“Romance!” Mark screamed.

“Horror!" Screamed Haechan.

Mark immediately got up and said, “No.” sounding rather worried.

“Yes!” Haechan retorted.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“N-”

“Yes. I'll get you watermelons tomorrow."

“Yes.”

-----

“Jesus Christ...this is such a bad idea…” Mark mumbled as he covered his eyes with the pillow while they were watching the movie while Haechan was too invested in it. When there was a jumpscare, Mark screamed and hid behind Haechan, holding on to his shirt. “Shut it, please… it's scary-”

“We are building towards the climax, hold on, Mark,” Haechan mumbled, still invested.

Mark was still hiding behind Haechan while his breath tickled his neck. Haechan laughed and distanced himself. “Ah, it tickles.”

Mark took the opportunity to snatch the remote and shut the TV while he placed his hand on his chest.

Haechan laughed. “They say devils don't like it when you switch it off in-between.”

“Stop it…”

“It's based on a true story, Mark,” Haechan teased him.

“Haechan-ah…”

“Markie BOO,” Haechan said, laughing while he reached towards Mark.

“I'll kill you one day, Lee Haechan.”

------

“He looked so scared...if I was his boyfriend, I would kiss him to sleep,” Haechan told Jaemin.

“If your fantasies are this wild just right now… I'm so concerned by the time you get into a relationship with Mark.”

“Don't worry, Nana. You'll have my motto then. “You are born single and you'll die like a single'' live by that and Junjun will fall for you.”

Jaemin glared at him. “These days… I'm so done with you that I wanna kill you.”

Haechan teased him with a smile and went on to talk, “The other day, Mark won an argument with me.”

Jaemin looked back at him with surprise, reaching onto his juice bottle. “Yeah… he's getting funnier these days and I don't like it,” he said to which Jaemin laughed. “He bragged about winning against me so many times and now I'm embarrassed.” he paused. ”Dude…” he began, to which Jaemin hummed before he sipped his juice. “Do you think this Mark guy has humiliation kink?”

Jaemin spit his drink, “Tell me again, why am I your friend?” he asked, wiping his mouth.

“You love me.” Haechan smiled.

“Mark doesn't. And this is why.”

-------

When Haechan came home, he saw Mark working on his laptop, too unaware of his surroundings. Haechan made his way towards the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. When he looked back at Mark, he closed his laptop and was smiling at something… and that grew into a tiny chuckle.

“Dude?” Haechan called him to which Mark flinched.

“Woah, you scared me,”

“What were you smiling at?” Haechan asked.

Mark was suddenly taken aback. “I wasn't?” he said, opening his laptop. He looked back at Haechan who was still looking at him. “What?! It's nothing… I just remembered a joke Jungwoo said.”

Haechan raised his eyebrows, “Oh really? Care to share with me?”

“No? It's an inside joke.” Mark shifted the topic.

Only if Haechan knew Mark was thinking about Haechan and his stupid “Markie BOO” that made him so happy internally.

“Oh by the way...your books are here.”

“Books?”

“Yeah, man. Books. Don't get me wrong, but I heard you and Jaemin talk about the books you needed since you were broke...so I thought I might help you.”

Haechan raised his eyebrows equally shocked and happy. “Wow… woah! Like woah...really. I'm impressed to see that you care.”

Mark scoffed. Only if he knew.

“You can't seem to share your basic problems with me...but claim to want a relationship with me, huh?” Mark teased.

Haechan was too invested in opening the packages but he looked at Mark and breathed out loud, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes,” Haechan replied, looking over to his books.

Can't Haechan understand that Mark was concerned for him? And everything that was about them?

“Haechan-ah…” Mark mumbled.

“Mark-ya…”

“I just want things to be more open… I just want us to talk. Like normal human beings.”

“Open?” Haechan asked to which Mark nodded. “Okay then…” he said, getting up as he started to unbutton his shirt.

“Okay, I said open not naked, you fucking idiot. But, you know what? Forget that I asked. We can do nothing about us.” Mark got up angrily and walked into his room, closing the door shut. (He wasn't trying to hide the fact that he's flustered, definitely not)

Haechan looked back at the books and smiled softly. Mark is concerned about them...his smile grew wider. Even the tiniest thing from Mark felt the world to him.

------

"Congratulations Mark," Mark's boss shook his hand with him with a tiny proud smile akin to any other middle-aged man would have.

"Thank you, sir," Mark smiled with joy and a crinkle of excitement in his eyes.

"Within just three months, you have shown remarkable performance and I'm happy to see your passion. Keep doing well," he said.

"Thank you, sir."

"This is your paycheck and I hope you do enjoy working more, here," he handed the slip to Mark's hand before giving a handshake.

Mark nodded obediently.

"And by the way, the Texas meeting is on Wednesday, make sure to be ready, you and Jude would be leading this time; they asked for younger employees and want to see our potential."

"Sure sir, I will prepare the files by Monday and submit them to you," Mark replied.

"It's not a hurry, but just make sure you do it well."

As Mark came out the block, he hugged Jungwoo out of delight and scrunched his nose out of excitement.

"Somebody said you look like his son, and that's why he put his bossy side away and appreciated you," Jungwoo laughed.

"No, but like, seriously, I'm so happy. The last time I was so scared that he would kick me out, I'm glad I have taken my place."

Both of them walked towards their seats and sat down, and Jungwoo discussed their work with him. They worked on emails from different countries asking for their details for the acceptance of the contracts.

"Okay, this London company is quite a greedy one, like 2 million? That's too much, our belly wrecker is better'' Jungwoo gasped.

"Now who's this belly wrecker?"

"Who else? Our beloved boss. Now you won't let me call him names 'cause he admired you?" Jungwoo teased.

"That's not it, you are just," Mark thought for about less than two seconds and said, "peculiar. You are very peculiar in names."

"Haha, that's my talent." Jungwoo muttered in a high pitch.

Mark cracked up slightly and said, "You and Haechan are really similar, it's becoming obvious at this rate."

"So 9. Microwave it is," Jungwoo said out of the blue.

''Huh?"

"The dollars you owe me, for mentioning Haechan are 9 up until now, so I can buy a power bank and microwave. You keep going."

Mark slapped his shoulder for his mischief.

"What? You have no reasons that's why you are slapping me, Mark Lee."

"Shut up, man."

Jungwoo continued with their explanation and the random unfunny puns in between (and Mark was sick of pretending to not like them either, so Jungwoo's ego got boosted, that's what Mark would say). They ate many chocolates during their course and Mark blames Jungwoo for his weird habit of eating so much while working.

"I can't work without snacks, I'm not even guilty, seriously," Jungwoo said, another time.

"Hey Judy," Mark called out his colleague who was supposed to work with him and the one the boss paired him up with.

"Yes, Mark?" He came to him.

"Boss actually asked us to work together for the Wednesday meeting, we must team up," Mark suggested.

He looked around for a few seconds and answered, "Uhh.. Not now, Mark. I kind of have to recheck the details HR sent to me… I will get you soon."

"Sure."

"So I was saying, you are giving no importance to me and going to that Judy," Jungwoo narrowed his eyes.

"Sorry," Mark laughed.

"Dude, it's on Wednesday, relax, okay?" Jungwoo consoled him.

Mark faintly nodded, still nervous.

"Let's take a break man," Mark said, tired.

"Okay."

As they closed their screens, Mark lay his head on the table and groaned silently judging all the stress inside him. He was starting to feel overburdened and the obligation to work harder now provoked extra stress to his psyche. He wanted to run away for a little while and relax.

"You okay?" Jungwoo asked, concerned.

"Tired."

"Weren't you here on Saturday too? Why do you do this to yourself man?"

"What do I do? I couldn't refuse."

"But you shouldn't stress it over too, it's bad Mark, I suggest you take a leave for a day."

"But tomorrow is Friday, can't miss the important stuff."

"Dude, it's not like the office runs because of you. Ask him, I am sure he wouldn't deny."

''You think so?"

''Of course."

Mark sighed. And ate his food on the table.

He thought about it for a while and kept his head down, asking Jungwoo to wake him up after a quarter an hour for a power nap compensating his terrible sleep cycle.

"By the way, I do think I like Haechan though." He mumbled half asleep.

"I know. 10. And I get an album now. Dream of Haechan."

Mark gave a tired laugh.

--------

Mark shut down his laptop the next morning and was already blinking to count the seconds for when he is able to actually keep himself awake.

"Mark, you aren't ready? Not going to the office today?" Haechan came out in his white t-shirt and black shorts, rubbing his eyes from the morning glory sickness.

Mark rubbed his temples in fatigue, "Don't wanna, I'm just-" he groaned again.

"Are you sick?''

''Not sick, just tired. Who knew corporate jobs would be stressful? It's not just the computer shit, Haechan. It drives me crazy, really."

Haechan came to touch his forehead with his palm, "Dang, you are not particularly sick, but you kinda need to rest."

"I want a break."

"Then take it? Take a day off."

Mark doesn't reply. He asks instead, "what about you? You don't have morning classes today?"

"No, today we have a college fest so it's like a holiday. I'm not going."

"Oh. You are lucky." Mark quietly mumbled.

"And you can make your luck."

"Huh?"

"Give me your phone."

"What, no?"

"Geez Mark lee, I won't judge you if you have nude photos of somebody, okay? Give me your phone."

"That's not the point. Why do you want it?"

"To message your boss that work-life balance is important and he needs to stop acting like a bitch."

"Fucking hell not."

"Why not?"

"Because he is my boss?"

"I won't say that directly, idiot," he took a pause, "okay, you inform him that you are sick and need rest, which you need, indeed, for today. One day off won't hurt anybody, Mark. Trust me." Haechan muttered, sincerely.

Mark bit his lips in worry but Haechan was certainly right and he definitely wanted a day off without the clicking sounds of the keyboards or the annoying aroma of the coffee to cure everybody's insomniac episodes of the employees out there.

Initially, Mark liked it and now he loathes it to the core of the earth.

"It's okay, right?" He asked in a low voice.

"It is," Haechan smiled.

After sending a text message to his boss, he eyed Haechan's face and asked about his bags under his eyes and he answered saying that he had hardly slept for three hours last night in order to study for his exam, the later day.

"You need to rest too," Mark mumbled, as Haechan settled comfortably on the couch.

Haechan hummed.

Mark suddenly got up and smiled at his idea, "Hey, can we make breakfast together, today? Please?"

Haechan looked at him, blinking.

"Don't wanna burn down the kitchen. I have no place to go and no money to rent."

Mark pouted, causing Haechan to pull his ears.

"Can you teach me, then? Just for a change? Just today?" Mark asked excitedly.

Before Haechan could say something, Mark retorted, "Okay you are tired too, sorry."

"No, it's fine really. My sleep and peace has bid a farewell to me since I attained sanity, to be honest."

Mark laughed, causing Haechan to do the same.

"So, pancakes?" Haechan suggested.

Mark nodded.

And within fifteen minutes, the trajectory of the house changed from being a fatigue clubhouse to hell's kitchen with Haechan screaming on top of lungs as he watched Mark pouring a whole small bowl of soda into the batter.

Mark struggled quite a lot with the cutting of butter slices and as he aimed the piece with the corner of his knife, the hardness of the chilled butter caused the knife to fly over and fall over Haechan's head.

"Shit, sorry," Mark shouted nervously.

"The sorry couldn't prevent my brain from losing the cells, Mark" he over dramatically groaned.

"Thought you didn't have them at all, to be honest," Mark taunted him.

"Bitch ain't even guilty," Haechan gritted his teeth. But Mark was trying hard to hold back his laugh.

As Haechan walked slowly outside, he hit his lower area with the counter and he latched on the floor gripping his stomach causing Mark to laugh in playful mockery.

But soon, he felt guilty for doing so, and to compensate he held the younger's shoulders to take him up. Haechan folded his legs and when Mark rubbed his back for comfort, Haechan, indicating Mark's hands on his back, muttered, "That's not where I got hurt, its- " he looked down and collected himself, "oh okay."

As if Haechan didn't know what he was going to imply.

Mark slapped his butt in embarrassment and complete laughter filling his face and all Haechan responded for his action was, "Fuck you," which made Mark laugh more.

"You don't deserve to be helped, you asshole."

"Am I that bad, Mark lee?" Haechan said, placing his hand on his right side of the chest.

Mark took his hand to place it on the left side saying, "here is your heart."

"And you are here," Haechan said looking directly in his eyes, hooking Mark mortified. Haechan instantly bussed his lips out for a second causing Mark to move away laughing.

"You are the biggest pervert I have seen in my whole life."

"I don't take offense to that," he joked.

"But is your pelvis, really, like, okay?" Mark asked awkwardly, holding back his laugh, to not embarrass Haechan even more.

"You can say 'dick' I don't censor it," he said without a tinge of hesitation.

Mark let out a tiny chuckle concentrating back on the batter which was left and Haechan heated the pan on the stove. Both of them jammed to their favorite songs, dancing and harmonizing and Haechan showed his extensive and exclusive "voice techniques" and "zig zag version" (Haechan's words) of various songs causing the house air to be spread with loud laughter and weird noises.

Haechan's antics compelled Mark to tear up from laughing out his lungs and no, he wasn't complaining at all.

What a perfect morning, he thought.

"It tastes good with honey," Haechan peeped from behind Mark's body towards the pancakes.

"Honey?"

"Aww, you called me honey," Haechan cooed at him causing Mark to fake puke and when Haechan pressed his face on Mark's shoulder and wrapped his hands around his waist from behind, Mark could only flinch, not being able to push him away because of the batter stuck to his hands.

"Haechan, move away," Mark said, carrying on with the flipping.

"No." Haechan shook his head, still pressed to Mark's body.

Mark sighed and turned his body towards him, "Lee Haechan."

"What? I'm just hugging you, isn't that normal between us?" Haechan joked.

Mark scoffed out a laugh.

Haechan patted Mark's bangs and a second later, brushing them off his forehead, said quietly, "It's just a hug, not luring you."

"I mean, if you are, that's your problem," Haechan said, teasing.

"My God, you are at it again," Mark looked at his side.

Haechan came closer, whispering his ear, "But if you want, I can help you."

Mark moved him away, "woah Haechan, my God. This is over the board," he was surprised at himself and Haechan who tried to control his laughter with pressed lips, "Maintain a six feet distance from me now, I'm scared of you, I admit it," he continued, "you indeed are shameless."

Both of them laughed.

"Sorry," Haechan said between his laughs, "but your face was worth it."

"You crack sex jokes like a thirteen year old, Haechan."

"And you dodge them like one."

"Shut up."

"Then what? Tell me, Catholics don't have sex? Do you want me to believe infants arise from rains?"

"You are impossible, Lee Haechan, seriously." Mark gasped, running short of words.

"Stop reacting cutely, and then I will stop teasing you." Haechan said with a laugh enclosing his smile, a genuine one.

Mark's cheeks blush.

As they filled their stomachs, Mark showed his new photos taken with Jungwoo and ranted about the office stress and the way they talk about their boss behind their back. Haechan listened to them attentively and took his turn in a religious way explaining everything about his classes and the earlier days of high school pranks he had done with Jaemin.

"And then she just scolded us without giving a fuck seriously," Haechan held back his laugh, "she was like 'such dumbasses you all are, and that chemistry bitch doesn't let me take your class' jaemin and I were like what the fuck? Oh my god, nothing can top the level of a teacher herself cursing in front of students. Her yelling at us, and calling our chemistry teacher a bitch is just the funniest thing I have laughed at."

Mark gave his hands a good shade of red on them from clapping too much out of happiness and cracking up like a wolf. He swore he laughed the most that day from the start of the year.

Then Haechan talked about how his usual summer breaks go and described it to be most favorite periods of the year.

"Summer is the best," Haechan declared.

"Winter is the best." Mark argued.

"No, summer."

"Winter."

"Summer."

"Winter."

"You get watermelons and mangoes in summer."

"But winter has ballads, snow and everything."

"You feel too lazy to even get out of bed, you just feel like dying."

"That's a complete lie. You just have so many things to enjoy. Have hot chocolate and tea. Winter is perfect for desserts."

"But beaches are awesome. The hot sun is blazing and this is kinda weird but I really like sweating. It's refreshing."

"That's definitely weird, I can say. And how can you forget Christmas? It's the most beautiful time and I always feel so excited."

"I'm not even Christian, Mark. And it's not really special either."

"You don't have to be, it's just the feeling of how mushy it is. I wonder why you don't like it. From last time, I remember you don't even celebrate your birthday- wait when is your birthday?" Mark asked, curiously.

"June 6th. But I don't celebrate it, yeah," Haechan admitted, "This birthday shit is just capitalism man, I would have to spend all my money for one fucking day? Should I really celebrate the day I was born, while I question my life? " He said, widening his eyes overdramatically, causing Mark to laugh.

"What's the connection with winter though?"

"Winter just gives me bad vibes. I don't know, the cold makes me want to lock up myself and just cold?," and sad. But he doesn't say the sad part out loud.

"Aww. But I promise, this year, I will make you celebrate Christmas. Along with me."

"Me?"

"Of course. It will be so fun, I promise. We will have lots of cake and of course, let's drink too. Christmas has no rules." Mark smiled, excitedly.

"Okay, as you say," Haechan gave up. If celebrating Christmas means seeing Mark goofing around like a little kid all the time like this, he was more than sure and ready for this.

"Just thinking about it makes me so happy, you know." Mark smiled.

Haechan patted his thigh, smiling before laying on the couch.

He listened to Mark rant about his family going to their cousin's house for every Christmas and how they woke up late in the midnight just to light up the candle of happiness and wish for prosperity for the next year ahead. Listening to Mark like this was nice.

"What do you celebrate other than chu- Haechan?" Mark noticed his sleeping figure, with his palms cutely placed under his chin, with long eyelashes covering his lids and the slightly opened mouth subtly breathing.

Mark smiled at the peace depicted on Haechan's face and brushed his hair remembering the way Haechan moved his bangs. Not wanting him to shiver from the cold, Mark took the blanket from his room and covered his body.

As Mark evacuated, Haechan opened his eyes, sighing to himself. Sure, Mark was very different from him, and although Haechan had nothing to share he was ready to share his long-lasting love with Mark. He smelled the blanket and breathed the cold air that surrounded him and Mark, and this time when he closed his eyes, he fell asleep right away.

-------

"Hey, cafe?" Mark asked as he came out of the room seeing Haechan studying.

"I'm on leave today, exam tomorrow,'' Haechan said, flipping the pages.

"Oh, okay then."

As Mark moved out, Haechan called him, "What about you? Where are you heading to?"

"Just nearby," Mark answered sheepishly, "Like a park or something. For some fresh air."

"Oh."

"I wanted to ask you too, but since you have an exam, carry on," Mark gave him a thumbs up.

Haechan groaned internally, "Yeah, right. I have a sad life."

Mark sneered with a roll of eyes, "Anyways, bye."

Haechan with utmost disinterest underlined the points with his pencil and made screeching noises. To be very honest, he was in no mood to study and regretted the time he slept and blamed it as the factor of this procrastination.

He sighed, drinking the water from the bottle and kicked his study table with a hiss and let out loud, "Fuck this exam, I wanna go out."

He packed his phone and wore his shoes and ran downstairs quickly to catch Mark walking away briskly towards the main road.

He yelled Mark's name but he showed no sign of hearing so Haechan ran quicker and quicker to reach out to him.

As he got to the point, he held Mark's hand asking him to stop and trying his best to not breathe heavily.

"Haechan-"

"Why do you walk too quickly, man?" Haechan asked, bending down, catching his knees.

"I thought you were-" Mark shook his head, "anyways, let's get there" to which Haechan nodded.

As they walked, Mark pressed their held hands, "Relax," after hearing his heavy breaths.

Then they walked to the park chattering and smiling, rejoicing the feeling of the busy roads and people walking on the footpath and if Haechan was being truthful, even the horn sounds of the vehicles seemed pleasant because of the right person beside him.

"It's been a while since we came out like this- I mean, just for fun sake." Mark admitted.

Haechan agreed, "I know right? Our life is really boring, Mark. I go to the college in the morning, mid-afternoon cafe and then come home in the evening. Then I study and sleep. It's really just useless."

"Very monotonous."

"Anybody asks 'how's life?' and I want to say 'rubbish' right away, because it's the truth."

Mark laughed, "True though."

Reaching the park, they jogged for a while watching the kids play and their mothers taking care of them, on the other corner were an old couple taking a healthy walk and in the fourth direction, were some grans sitting on a mat.

As Mark noticed Haechan panting, again, he asked, certainly, partly tired, "Tired, right? Let's sit down."

Haechan narrowed his eyes, "Me? I don't get tired."

Asshole. He can't even breathe properly and doesn't know who he is defending himself from.

Mark looked at the side and said, "Not you, I'm tired. Let's sit down."

"Okay."

As they sat down on the grass, Haechan suggested they face the pond and Mark complied.

After a bit of random stuff, Mark threw the collected pebbles from sand and threw it in the pond from a distance.

"Hey," Mark spoke, voice soft, "for today," he continued, hesitantly, "thank you."

Haechan smiled, "you too, thank you."

Mark, more confident this time, "After a long time, I got to be free and it was so nice today."

"We all deserve a break for some time, Mark lee."

"You are right. But I, genuinely," Mark really put his hand on his chest with eyes widened a bit, "I genuinely think today was awesome. You kind of helped me take stuff out of my chest after a very long time.''

Haechan moved closer to Mark, catching his collar, "Like your shirt?" he teased.

"You are seriously a menace, I'm leaving," Mark said in irritation and stood up, preparing to go away until Haechan held his hand, "Alright, I'm sorry. Don't go now."

Mark sighed and sat down.

"You sometimes go too far, you know," he said in half embarrassment.

"You are the one who's going far away from me," the younger pouted.

"Haechan ah! It's not funny."

"Your reactions are."

Mark laughed, and he took out his index finger at Haechan, nagging, "whatever, but seriously-"

"Hey, if I go far, would you come with me?" Haechan cut him off, looking straight into his eyes and interlocking his finger with Mark's raised one.

Mark didn't look away this time, and like Haechan, he gazed directly into the younger's eyes. He plastered a genuine smile on his lips although, after a few seconds it turned shy.

Ah, how much Haechan wishes to kiss that smile away. Freaking out, Haechan blinked and backed off not thinking of what happened. This time, he was not going to lie, he was very flustered by the closeness.

Hiding his heartfelt emotions, he spoke softly, "pretty."

"What?"

"Your smile. Your smile is pretty."

"Oh wow. Thank you, this is like a proper compliment now. I should celebrate," Mark quipped, sarcastically and Haechan slapped his shoulder causing both of them to burst into tiny giggles.

After a while, Mark said again seriously, "But you should stop taking everything for fun, Haechan. Whenever I talk about something important, you start to tease me, that's not it-"

"And you should stop being overly serious, Mark Lee."

"That's not what I am talking about, you should, like, genuinely talk to me. Nowadays I never know when you are serious and when you are kidding. We should talk about each other, our problems-"

"Hush. I understood," Haechan shut him up, made a 'be silent' expression and lay on his shoulder, looking at the sky.

Mark wrapped his arms around Haechan and did the same.

"You look peaceful while you sleep, you know?" Mark said out of nowhere.

"Wow-"

"You shut your mouth for once, so yeah."

"I don't like you today, Mark Lee."

Mark chuckled.

---------

Mark came home and sat on the bed to look at numerous messages and missed calls from his co-worker, Judy.

Judy: (3:45)
Mark.

Mark.

Why weren't you here today?

The boss needs the sample tomorrow.

I don't even have the pen drive to start the work.

You should have at least informed me about your leave.

Just do something and bring the sample by tomorrow.

You have no choice, it's already late.

Please Mark, save us or else we would be in big trouble.

Mark threw the phone in utter bewilderment and anger ebbing down his chest and deadpanned at the mirror looking at himself.

I should have gone today. I should have gone today. I should have gone today.

Those words echo in his mind and suddenly he regrets everything from morning and blaming himself for the unconditional break he took out of nowhere.

It's all my fault.

-------

A new day and new stuff to fuck up, Haechan thought internally. His head was bombarded with thoughts he didn't want to think about until his phone buzzed.

“You didn't come to the café today,” Jaemin said when he picked up the call.

Haechan sat on his bed, playing with the cover of his pillow, while his bed was filled with his books and the question paper of the exam he just wrote. “Are you telling me or asking me?” he asked him.

“Well?” Jaemin said, Haechan could feel him raising his eyebrows as he said it. But he remained silent. “Is it about the exam?” Jaemin questioned.

Silence again.

“Do you want me to hang up?” Jaemin asked. Haechan's focus was completely on the question paper, his eyes were burning, probably because of the frustration building up inside him. He looked away and blinked. “No,” he said.

“Bark something, then. Yell out the frustration or happiness.”

If his frustration could be defined, then it would be tearing the question paper into bits and burning it and he would watch it turn into ashes. “I fucked it up if that's what you're asking me to bark,” he said. Before Jaemin could say anything, he continued, “I stayed up… worked hard for this shit to be satisfied with a fucking C?”

The last thing Haechan wanted to regret was to hang out with Mark. But if he didn't...he would've revised his syllabus another time. Maybe twice. He didn't want to think about it. He had such a nice time with him.

But it's his fault. He should've started studying early. “Can my fucking ass be any more overconfident?” he added.

“Haechan-ah…”

“I can't even look at this question paper. It's all my fault… I hate this. I hate myself for everything.” Haechan held his head. “And hell, this isn't even something I love to do...but I don't want to portray myself as a loser who can't do shit.”

“You are not… Haechan-ah, this one paper doesn't decide your potential in the end. And this isn't even the semester-ending exam, hell, it isn't even your mid-term. Don't say that…” Jaemin let out. Haechan remained silent and thought about it. “Do you wanna go out? Want me to come over?” he asked.

“No… it's fine. I'm going out to get some groceries anyway. You better study your neurology or whatever,” Haechan said.

Jaemin laughed. “Fine. But, don't think about it too much. Don't put yourself down. You can come over if you feel like, alright?”

Haechan hummed and hung up. If it makes him feel any better, Mark wasn't in any different condition.

-----

Mark arranged his papers in complete hurry and tension. “Jesus hell,” the only thing that was going around in his head for an hour.

“You could've avoided it. Could've avoided your feelings for this time too, you fucking idiot.” he internally scolded himself. “You forgot everything, the reason why you were doing this. When did you forget that your parents were the top priority to you? Your roommate asks you to take some rest and you get swayed away by his stupid advice. Well, he doesn't know what working under stress feels like, but you do!”

Mark was completely over his internal monologue. He was over that Judy guy. Over Haechan, over anything came his way that second.

He immediately lifted the call when Jungwoo called him. “No no...I fucked it up, Jungwoo… goddammit. I'll send that file to you in an hour? Yeah, I'll finish this tonight.” he said.

“No problem, man, don't take on too much stress. I'm sure you'll do it. Just don't pressure yourself, you're just going to fuck up more. Take deep breaths.” Jungwoo said.

“Yeah, thanks. I'll call you back.”

------

Haechan tried his best to take a nap. When those attempts were as unsuccessful as trying to get over Mark, he walked outside.

“What a way to get over this man.” he internally thought as he watched all his papers lying here and there, a bowl of unfinished noodles, and a coke bottle lying around with its cap open while Mark was inside his room working on his laptop. That sure did ruin Haechan's mood more than anything. Things were stressful to him too but he didn't choose to live in filth for long.

“Hey, fucker. Is this a house or a landfill?” he screamed at him.

Mark closed his eyes with frustration as he heard Haechan. At that moment, Mark suddenly remembered when Haechan asked him if he would love him if he was Mark's last choice. He didn't know about loving him, but he was sure that he would kill him with the amount of frustration things were building up for him.

“I'll clean it up later, I'm busy right now,” he yelled back, pushing aside all his thoughts about him.

Haechan let out a sigh of frustration and walked out of the house. Maybe grocery shopping was the only thing that might relax him (Or not).

-------

Haechan almost thought he was calming himself down. But when he came home, he found the same mess. For some reason, it brought back the reason why he was upset in the first place. It reminded him of his room, the mess he created for himself the whole day.

It reminded him that he was still regretting going out with Mark even though he tried to convince himself that he wouldn't regret it. He saw Mark on the couch this time, completely focused on his laptop (almost done with what he's supposed to).

“Oh my god- this house will turn into a mosquito hub because of your garbage one day and I'm blaming you,” Haechan said as he carried those grocery bags into the kitchen. Mark was about to answer him back but he was suddenly distracted by his phone buzzing. He walked away from Haechan, lifting Jungwoo's call.

“Yeah… I'm done, am I late? Would that be okay?” Mark covered his face, as though nearing a mental breakdown. Haechan couldn't help but hear Mark from the other side of the house while he was arranging the things he brought in the kitchen. He heard Mark exhale. “Yeah, okay… yeah, I hope he will be fine with it too.” and then he heard Mark being silent again. “Yeah, It's the only thing I have due.” and then a pause. “Yeah, I think so, Jungwoo...thanks a lot,” he said and walked into the living room. Mark let himself fall onto the couch and closed his eyes while he covered his face with his hand.

Haechan looked over to him and sighed, “Yeah? Relaxed? Clean your shit now.” he said pointing at the mess.

Mark looked back at him and exhaled sharply, “Why are you acting as if you are the cleanest person on the planet?” he asked, agitated.

“I'm not. But I try to be. And I'm not picking up what you leave,” he said. And why should he? It was the house they are sharing and it's the responsibility of both of them to clean and share the work. Only if Mark bothered.

Mark scoffed. “As if you do,” he said. “God, the number of problems I would've avoided if I didn't hang out with you.”

Haechan looked back at him, hurt. It pricked him. He tried to convince himself not to blame the fun they had, maybe not anymore. “The feeling's mutual,” he said.

Mark seemed to dodge what he said. “What do you do anyway, huh? Come home early and study? I don't even see you do that. Yeah, what do you do?” he said, as he got up to clean.

Haechan scoffed, “What do I do? Who the fuck do you think cleans the house? And who the fuck cooks for your ass?” Haechan wanted to laugh. Mark doesn't mean it, right? This was just like any other playful fight they had, right?

“I can also live by ordering food, so… you aren't being any Jesus by cooking for me,” Mark replied.

Wow. “Fucking come to me asking to cook something you have been craving to eat, I'll break your knee caps.”

“I'll kill myself before I ask you a favour, don't worry.”

“Then I hope your monthly food order bill is 10 times higher than the amount I spent on my groceries.”

Mark shook his head and laughed, “You are a child.”

Haechan sarcastically laughed back, “Do you think you can survive here on your own? Come out of the imagination, honey, because you're wrong.”

Mark looked back at him, “What? Do you think doing it is an achievement? Then you better know that standing in my shoes and working in an office with a boss who looks at you and your discipline like a hawk is much harder. Your indiscipline and arrogant ass will never survive.”

“Nor do I want to. It's not my area of expertise. And fuck standing in your shoes. And I, for a fact know that I can adjust to any circumstances and survive. But your ass can't even prepare oatmeal-'' he paused and laughed. “Forget oatmeal, you can't even boil water.”

“If I want to, I can do all these things you mentioned in a week. It's not hard to learn the skills to cook and clean. But do you even know what it takes to be self-reliant and independent on money and make someone proud?”

Haechan shook his head, “You get one job and act all cocky. It's the pride that's talking, Mark. It's gotten to your head. Take off those horns that are growing on your head, it's making you look ugly.”

This probably never started as a regular fight.

Mark walked forward, his ears getting redder. “Oh, now you tell me? Your overconfident bitchass is going to tell me? Now, do you realize the reason why I rejected you?”

Haechan felt a thousand arrows coming at him and stabbing his heart. He didn't ask for this at all. He laughed in disbelief. “At least I realized my faults. Who's going to tell you that this pride is taking you nowhere? But, thanks for rejecting me, I guess? If we were together and this is the behaviour you show me… I would be embarrassed to admit to myself that you're the person I loved with all my heart, cried for you, and have genuinely wanted to make you happy. I'm glad I was not hurt that much.”

Mark couldn't breathe that second. What had he done? Why does it feel like his heart was ripped apart? He looked away and closed his eyes, “The feelings are mutual,” he said. “I wouldn't want to stand you being my partner, either. With someone who can't solve their whatsoever problems with their family and hang out drinking with that uncultured swine.”

“Excuse me?” Haechan walked forward. The whole house suddenly was heated. Or was it heated up since the very beginning, Haechan didn't know. But his anger was increasing.

“Excused. If your dumbass didn't realize who I'm talking about, then it's about that guy who acts as if he ran from a mental hospital and claims to study medicine, Jaemin, or whatever. What a duo. An asshole and a maniac.”

If Haechan's anger could be defined, it would've been punching Mark. He walked forward, showing Mark his forefinger, “Say another word about my friend and I'm going to break your fucking laptop, I swear.” he said as his complete attention was fixed on Mark.

Things next minute happened so quickly when Haechan thought Mark can't hurt him anymore. Mark threw something he had in his hands and the next second their laughing Buddha was broken into pieces, like Haechan's heart. He wanted to break down. Mark didn't seem to notice the destruction he caused, but he went on, “Go ahead. Prove yourself to be an asshole. And you talk about your friend? You who doesn't care about your father?”

Haechan was drained now, completely defeated internally, “I'm not one. But you certainly are behaving like one. If being happy with family results in a spoiled brat like you then fuck having a happy family. And the maniac you are talking about is perfect, unlike you. At least he lent me a shoulder to cry on, unlike you.” Haechan paused and held his head. Mark's eyes burned with hurt. “At Least he can cook, works hard, and would save lives in the future while you work at an AC room thinking it's the biggest achievement. And that maniac-” he paused, almost choking. “If it hadn't been Jaemin, I would not even want to live.”

Mark held back his emotions and sarcastically clapped, he turned his back on Haechan and closed his eyes, ignoring the pain and lump in his throat, “Anything else I wanna know about you soulmates?”

Haechan turned his back walking towards the door, “No. But if there's anything in my life I used to feel happy about was meeting you.” Mark opened his eyes and wanted to look back. “But...if there's anything I regret in my life the most right now, then it's meeting you.”

With that Mark heard a loud bang of the door closing before he broke down on the floor.

-------

When Haechan knocked on the door, Jaemin opened it to find a Haechan whose beautiful tanned face was filled with rage and reddened ears but also, as sensitive as though he was about to break into tears.

“You alright? Dang, you… you kinda look scary.”

“Mark and I argued,” Haechan mumbled, as he came inside.

“Isn't that...normal?”

“I'm frustrated.”

“Hm...I can see that.”

Jaemin paused and Haechan remained quiet. “I want to punch him.” and that soon escalated to, “What the fuck does he know about you? And what does he even think about himself? Does he assume that one guy he hangs out with is the best? Well, he barely met you or has been with you as long as I've been. ”

Jaemin frowned and smiled, “Did you just argue about me?” He wanted to hear details about it. He assumed it must've been playful.

“He dragged you into it and you were not even the reason. He dragged you in just because.”

Jaemin laughed, “So you dragged your ass here? Being that mad? And this late?”

“Wouldn't I be mad? What does he even know about you? And he had no fucking right. And if anyone says anything about you, I'm gonna punch them down until they are-”

Jaemin raised his eyebrows, “Haechan-ah… you don't need to. He must be joking, If I don't give a fuck then why do you?”

Haechan looked back at him with his eyes glistening with tears to which Jaemin grew concerned and walked over to him, “Hey…” he said, pulling him into his arms.

“You don't know?" Haechan asked, in his arms. “Don't you? Bitch you're my family. My only family, that is why.”

------

Mark saw the passing figure of the boy with a grimace depicted on his face and shed his tear. He breathed out, gulping in all his fear and loath to himself with a frivolous belief and promise to his wrecked heart that his actions were suitable for his condition.

The tingle in his mind pricked his feelings continuously and unable to carry the burden of guilt and helplessness he sat down looking at the broken idol he threw on the floor of the house. Their house. Mark and Haechan's home could only be called a house with bricks and broken feelings.

He received another call from his phone and spoke in a deeper voice, "I'm tired. I will manage tomorrow," and without a further conversation, he cut off the call.

Taking the pieces, he went to his room, wrapping it in paper and placing it in his cupboard. He cleaned the house with a very undaunted foolish hope that Haechan would get there by the next day.

Only if he knew the courage he had turned him into a fool now.

A fool who thought it would be easy for Haechan to take in the hurtful statements he has uttered out of reflex. A fool who thought Haechan was any braver than him. A fool who thought he could love a person as easily as Haechan could.

Yet he is scared. He is scared of forgiving himself and getting on with Haechan. The fear of breaking his own or Haechans heart came like a plague which, now, Mark realizes, might have been transferred to Haechan too. He is scared of the consequences of getting on with a relationship in the future.

He is scared of loving Haechan.

"If anything I regret the most right now, it's meeting you."

And Haechan just amplified his fears.

-------

Blazing the thoughts of a turmoil sure is suffocating and Haechan thought, "what's even there to blaze about? The regret of expressing his affection for the person who ruined his state?"

Spending his few nights at Jaemin's, he tried to distract himself from all the conflicts inside his brain and tried to concentrate on the mundane regular stuff any college students do. He paid the bills separately from Mark and none of them wanted to reach out to the other in the notion of getting weak again.

Haechan always avoided his issues. "Enough of people getting hurt already," he would say to Jaemin.

So he does the same. He doesn't talk to Mark anymore and doesn't know what Mark thinks of anything between them anymore. He was sure to say he hasn't unloved Mark by the virtue of how strong his feelings are. But he doesn't know if that was his weakness or strength.

But he doesn't care if Mark has eaten, washed the dishes, taken his keys, slept properly or cleaned his room. When he thinks Mark probably doesn't care about him too, he doesn't flinch.

He doesn't know many things, yet. He doesn't know if Mark Lee is even guilty of himself or not, he doesn't know if Mark likes him or not, but he is anxious about the answers.

When Jaemin agreed to his stay right away, he didn't give it a second thought and chose to spend his peace all by himself, sometimes drinking, sometimes studying and eating with his friend.

Jaemin doesn't question his behavior, he was never to question. He didn't question Haechan when Haechan cried in front of his door for the first time in the second year of his high school. He didn't question Haechan when he told him about his divorced parents and shitty childhood. He didn't question Haechan when he talked about his feelings about Mark, and now, he doesn't question when Haechan is away from the same Mark Lee he loves.

The only thing Jaemin did was to give a shoulder to cry on and rely on. And that's what he does even now.

Jaemin, once in a while tries to avoid Haechan from drinking and using alcohol as his coping mechanism but Haechan doesn't listen to him. And Jaemin didn't question further.

But this time, Jaemin questions.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Doing what?"

"Hurting. You are hurting yourself and Mark."

"Jaemin, not again, please."

"You can't skip it."

Haechan looked at him straight, "You seriously think it's my fault? Leaving aside the fact that you are my friend, what Mark said was completely rubbish."

"It was not. Not completely."

"Calling me out by saying I don't give a fuck about my family is such a pleasant thing to say."

"Mark doesn't know about you."

"Then he needs to shut the fuck up."

"Haechan-"

"Jaemin, how do you expect me to get over all this? I can't even-" he choked out, drinking water, "it's so messed up now."

"Listen to me."

"He has no right to say anything about you, okay?"

"I'm not defending him. I just don't want you to go all the way making stupid shit."

"Jaemin you don't understand," and then Haechan sighed, "just let things go the way they are."

"If anything, things would go downhill, Haechan."

They are, already.

"Okay, just answer me this one thing."

Haechan looked into his face.

"Don't you think Mark deserves to know everything before you start judging him?"

"I can't," Haechan broke down, "I can't let him know, Jaemin. I don't know how. I just can't- now he- he probably doesn't like me, how can I trust him? I can't, not yet."

"Then how can you prove his allegations wrong?"

"I don't need to, it's still insensitive of what he said. How can you say you rejected a person because of a-" Haechan bit his jaws.

"I'm not an asshole undeserving of someone I- I love," he involuntarily shed a tear, "Even after all this, I can't say I don't love him- my God, I hate this. But he- just went away, breaking my heart all over."

"Did he break your heart, Haechan?"

"Of course, Jaemin. Those words- they pricked me-"

"Your heart was broken long ago."

Haechan's chest fell down at that part in shock.

"You were broken and shattered for the first time when you were young. And a person's heart is broken only once, you know."

"Jaemin-" Haechan tried to say, but he didn't know what.

"The heartbreak was only once. And Mark was just a lump who blew the air into the crack. And Mark is in no way responsible for the heartbreak."

Haechan glanced at his hand and thought of the intentions behind Jaemin's words, "You can't use that card to convince me, Jaemin. Even triggering it is his mistake."

He was quiet for a while.

"Of course, but there are things where nobody is completely wrong or completely right and I don't know Mark, okay, you know him better, but you should not give up so easily on anything."

"I know, but still- it hurts." Haechan mumbled, sadly.

"I understand. I just don't want you to repeat the same mistake your parents did."

Haechan hasn't known peace and sanity ever since.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Talk to him."

"I would need time, still."

---------

Haechan doesn't talk to him right away but the day after, he goes back to his apartment and notices the empty stand without their Laughing Buddha; he doesn't feel like talking anymore.

They do the same thing, Mark becomes more responsible with his stuff, and do their duties like usual but with a sense of coldness and awkwardness surrounding their zone.

He still doesn't understand Mark's state of mind but knows that he is guilty and with hours and days of recapitulation of their torments, he realized the harmful words he uttered himself.

Everybody had their different reasons for hurting others.

Once in their hallway, Haechan wrote his assignments to be submitted and Mark came home with the groceries.

Groceries.

He doesn't want to remember the stuff that happened that day but can't help but do it.

In subtle ways, Mark apologized to him, through a text message, buying various kinds of food and sometimes even orally.

Mark doesn't understand why Haechan ignored him like he did, despite many of his efforts to reach him out. He was sure guilty of his actions and words but he was trying to clarify them and making sure everything was alright.

The way he wishes they go back to fighting like normal times.

He wasn't really sure of his feelings for Haechan anymore. The confusion of whether he was ever in love with Haechan pricks him because of the words said to him. But he sure wanted him to be happy.

Although they aren't together, they deserve to be happy.

When Haechan bathed and wanted to move to his room, Mark called him.

"What?" Haechan asked him.

"Haechan, I'm sorry."

"Okay, whatever," Haechan said, looking sideways, not having the dare to look at the other.

"Haechan, please, let me explain myself."

"Go on."

"I wasn't speaking shit. I totally didn't mean it at all, in fact, I don't mean it at all. I was-" he took a sharp breath, "I was stressed, I know that's not a valid reason but-"

"But you just didn't know, right?" Haechan looked at him in disbelief.

"Listen, we both said things we shouldn't have. But I agree, I am more at fault this time. Let's just end this. I know it's not easy but say something?''

" What is left to say, we are both hurt enough already."

"But we are hurting more by not saying anything."

Haechan scoffed.

"We need to sort this out," he held Haechans hand which he retracted away, "if you feel any better, hit my face. Shout on me, slap me and break my head, but do something."

Haechan looked at Mark's face and his puffed cheeks with his irritated expression and gave a hard fist bump on his face.

Mark was as shocked as he was.

He slapped him tightly again, with his palm causing him to back off in pain.

"You want me to let my anger out?" Haechan shouted, "then take this" he punched his shoulder, now causing Mark to get frustrated.

"You son of a bitch," Mark mumbled, and punched him on his stomach.

Haechan groaned, "I know," and twisted his arm causing Mark to hiss in pain.

Mark moved forward and took both of Haechan's arms to the couch holding him back, but at the same time, Haechan kicked Mark's stomach out of his reach.

Mark fell down and Haechan came on top of him punching his face right and left and Mark breathed heavily, causing Haechan to back off in worry.

But as soon as Haechan gave up, Mark pulled him down and punched his cheek making it bleed. Haechan showed no sign of pain as his eyes were filled with rage.

When Mark held his hand tight to prevent further feud, Haechan said, his voice muffled, "Yes, I'm indeed the son of a bitch, Mark Lee. At least not a weak hag like you-"

"Huh?" Mark took away his hands, causing Haechan to take control.

Haechan twisted his fingers causing Mark to shout in pain.

"Haechan, stop." He moaned in pain.

When Haechan relaxed, but not giving up completely, Mark pushed him away, breathing heavily, "Haechan, please, stop."

When he came to attack him again, "Please Haechan," Mark mumbled, tired, "We need to talk."

Haechan got up, flinched and got his ankle twisted from the table.

As he screamed in pain, Mark asked him, "You okay?"

"What the fuck do you expect after hitting me?" Haechan said, gritting his teeth.

Mark breathed out. He went to him with a spoon of turmeric and bandaid and as he kept his hand on his face, Haechan slapped his hand, looking away.

"Haechan, look at me," Mark pleaded.

When Haechan didn't give in, Mark leaned over his side and applied the turmeric on his temple wound. Haechan hissed and Mark gripped his hand to settle him. As he applied the bandage over all his wounds, Haechan let out a cry in pain.

Then he took his leg in his hand but Haechan, in a venture to move it away, hurt his muscles. Mark didn't even bother about the complaints but just swung the leg in the opposite direction.

Haechan cried out suddenly, now non-stop, while hiccuping and wiping his nose catching Mark concerned.

"Hey," he went and hugged Haechan in his arms even though Haechan didn't return it.

"Please settle down," Mark said finally.

Wiping his tears, Haechan looked at the ground and the cold thick air of awkwardness surrounded the two.

After a while, Haechan mumbled seriously, "My parents are divorced, Mark."

What the bloody fuck? Mark thought.

Mark, sure knew that something troubled Haechan and a few hanging things about him not being close to his parents but never knew his parents are not close to each other, either.

Haechan probably understood the shock Mark had gotten from the revelation and took his turn to continue, "My parents were divorced when I was 10."

Haechan started again and this time, Mark kept his ears attentive.

"And they haven't been together ever since. The custody system allowed me to go to either of my parent at any given time according to my own wish and I have been a ball played my parents," he scoffed irritably, and gritted his teeth, "like a fucking passing the parcel game."

"Missing my father when I was with my mother, missing my mother when I was with my father, it was all common to me, I have no happy memories Mark, wanting to die was my only intention, all the time."

"They left me all by myself, and in the hope of them getting together, I always tried to-" he let out a breath, "I tried to make them understand but they never got enough of their fights. They send money for my fees now but- but there is always a shame to be their son. High school got me away from the family shit as I moved to my maternal grandparent's house. Then I met Jaemin," he looked at Mark's red eyes filled with surprise, "and he's the one who's stuck to me for this long, without any judgements or turmoils. He gave me the meaning of life, Mark Lee and you-" he started crying again.

Mark opened his mouth to say something in return but the void in his heart and the lump in his throat doesn't let him. He breathed out heavily opening his mouth and gulped down with pity.

"Jaemin-" he let out a cry, "I didn't know about your parents, Haechan," he sat down on his knees facing the ground.

"You have said so many bad things, Mark, and I can't take the fact that, Mark, the person I love the m-" he cries harder.

Mark enclosed his fist with self felt guilt tightly closing his eyes and banging the floor later on.

"How can you say that, Mark? That you are glad to reject me?" Haechan said, elbowing his face, "you hurt me so badly, Mark."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Haechan," Mark cried out. "I was so wrong to say the things I said, I was so wrong."

Haechan pointed to the empty place, "Our laughing Buddha, you broke it just in a-" he motioned his hands, proving to throw something, "you just broke it in a second. You broke us Mark, you broke us apart."

Mark put his head on Haechan's knees, "I regret it a lot, Haechan," he hiccupped, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it at all."

Wiping his tears, Haechan got up struggling, "I can't forgive the loss that happened to us, not yet," he looked down at Mark, "or not anymore."

Mark looked at him shocked and stood up holding his hands, "Please don't say that, Haechan. I can't let you go, I will rectify every bad deed I have done, please don't say that, Haechan. I beg of you."

"It's not the right time to talk, Mark. Go to sleep."

Mark bent on his knees below Haechan, "Please Haechan, don't leave me. We can sort this out, I promise-"

"Good night, Mark."

Mark tried to stop him again but kept his head low of shame and guilt, where no words could describe how upset he was for letting go of something he didn't know he needed.

------

Jungwoo kept the wine glass on the bench and allowed Mark to take his full-fledged session of repentance over alcohol.

Mark didn't expect himself to be in Jungwoo's dorm late in the night trying to get over his separation with Haechan.

"He said that I don't require him, Jungwoo," he cried out sadly, "Of course, he would say because he doesn't know how much I regret everything. I should have never rejected him in the first place."

Jungwoo patted his back and muttered, "Mark, relax. It's going to be fine. Haechan loves you, he can't let go of you either, trust me."

Mark shook his head in grief, "Not anymore, Jungwoo. He doesn't. I hurt him so much that- that he can't love me now. His parents- his friend, I showed no sign of mercy."

Jungwoo came closer wrapping his shoulder, "Mark, you never knew about them. So don't-"

"But, I did hurt Haechan. He was always hurt by me; numerous times. If I can do this to a person I love, I really am a bad person-" he bent down crying.

Jungwoo enveloped him into a huge hug patting his back, "Don't say that, Mark. You are not a bad person. If you were a bad person you wouldn't even regret what you did."

"What is the use anyway? He isn't ready to get back. He is so wrecked that he can't collect himself. I broke his trust, I broke his patience and sanity, everything."

"Why didn't I choose him? It's all my fault. I put my family, my work above him, and now I- I lost him," he broke down, "why can't I choose him?"

Jungwoo answered, "Mark, choices are tough, and you can't blame yourself for this. Your job was at a crucial time and you weren't ready for this yet, you shouldn't regret keeping yourself over other things. It's genuine, trust me."

"But now, why do I feel like I was lying to myself? But the thing is, I'm still fucking scared of everything. I can't do this, Jungwoo. But I promise I didn't have bad intentions, I didn't want us to hurry for everything. I wanted to know him better and wanted him to know me better and then think about those fucked up feelings."

"See? You aren't exactly wrong here, Mark. You cleared yourself. In fact you are not wrong in wanting to take things slow. Disturbances happen everywhere and that fight was just a small lump between you too. You can fix this, I promise."

"The lump that ended up hurting both of us."

"It's not late, Mark."

"I lived with him as if it was a dream. A beautiful one that cannot become a reality. But in the course of slapping myself to reality, I destroyed the person who helped me dream of something."

"Mark, making yourself guilty isn't good or useful now. You must talk it out and this time, Haechan needs your assurance and support even if he denies it. You would go to him right?" Jungwoo asks him, nodding.

Mark took a heavy breath, nodding.

--------

When Haechan walked into his room, his head was hurting as though someone had put a huge weight on it. His legs were about to give up any moment now, but he did it, gathering the last bit of energy, he walked into the bathroom and didn't dare to look at himself. His self... which was weak, hurt, and broken. Stripping down, he went under the shower and let the cold water run down his body expecting to wash away his pain and broken heart like washing off the dirt.

Dressing up neat, he lay on his bed and let all his thoughts take over him.

Mark…

He wondered what he was doing…was he still outside waiting for him to come out? Should he care? He didn't even have the energy to think about him and cry… although this time, he had no tears left to shed.

What happened, Mark?

What did he mean? What was he thinking when he said he had a great time when they went out and why did it escalate to him regretting it? How can someone change so quickly? Now, who is he supposed to trust? The Mark who looked at him with that smile that Haechan wanted to kiss or the Mark he still wanted to punch?

How did this happen, Mark?

Only if Haechan didn't shout at him to clean. He would have understood that he was under stress.

It was supposed to turn into a beautiful Universe and how did they end up here? How long it took for them to come to a point where they looked at each other like they wanted each other. But suddenly… it's as though the Universe didn't like the idea of Haechan being happy. It was as if the universe stopped expanding. Things fell apart, the elements that they seemed to have destroyed themselves. The stars that decorated their universe exploded into giant supernovae.

It's probably a fluctuation… which seemed minor but ultimately disrupted the balance of their universe. Probably there was no balance at all. It was always in pieces. Which is probably why Mark never held on to it. He was now understanding how hard it is to build what's broken. It wasn't the same place where they began anymore, it's darkness, like a void and everything seemed hopeless, like his parents' relationship. Like his relationship with them.

He didn't know if he wanted this Universe to reform...but he wanted to reform himself.

And then… Mark.

Now everything was dependent on him. It wouldn't matter how he would want to take this universe. As long as they didn't hurt each other, it didn't matter if they ended things, it didn't matter if they took things forward. Haechan closed his eyes, relaxing a little bit, and immediately drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Haechan remained on his bed tossing and turning and forcing himself down the spiral staircase of his memories.

-------

“You are coming to my 13th birthday, right? I planned this thing myself,” he asked both of them.

“Anything. Anything for you,” His mom smiled at him pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek.

“Oh, this little sun grew up so well, how would I not be at my precious baby's birthday?” his father had said. His beautiful tanned skin and lips formed into a beautiful smile. Haechan smiled and gave him a fist bump.

Oh to wish things happened in the way Haechan expected it to go. The way he wished what they were acting in front of him was real. The way he wished the kiss they gave him on his cheeks at the same time before they had applied the cake on his cheeks playfully was filled with genuine love that always kept them together.

“Could you stop with this?” his father asked while his mom wasn't in any different mood.

“I didn't start this.” his mother retorted.

“Oh, all this is my fault?”

“Clearly. This is all because of your behaviour that I just don't want him to stay with you.”

“Don't bring him into our things. And I have equal right on him as much as you have on him”

"Him". Not "our son" or "Haechan". It's always "him". That's how he was defined. No name. Someone they had their right on.

Haechan had few wishes. Either be invisible or dead. That's his 13th birthday wish which escalated from wishing that their parents would be back to each other and live happily ever after.

That 13-year-old Haechan stood at the door, tears streaming down his face with 2 plates in his hand with cake and chips for them. They didn't even acknowledge his presence until he dropped those plates, ruining his favourite cake.

“This is how it'll be, right? Fight for your "him" forever?” he asked them. “Right mom? And dad?” he added, wiping his tears. “Why don't you cut me in half and share? Huh?” he hiccuped. “I hate you… I hate the fake love you show to each other in front of me and give me false hopes, but now, I'm over it,” he said, his hands in the air. “I especially hate this day. Why did you have me? To give me a choice to choose? I hate you both,” he wiped his tears again. “I had a hope, on this, on us, on rebuilding our family… but now I realize that even if I die, you would still be fighting.

“Why can't you give up on me like you gave up on each other?”

That's the last time he saw them, standing next to each other, their eyes glistening with tears until he ran into his room and buried himself under the pillows crying for the rest of his birthday. The future didn't bring anything special on the day he was born. Birthday meant nothing to him other than wanting to stop breathing.

-------

Haechan looked at the ceiling for a very long time, unable to move or bring to think about anything else. No tears streamed down his cheeks. The pain of thinking about his memories felt slow, slowly spreading into every cell of his body like poison. Thinking through all these maybe, he thought, maybe his last wish would be asking for a death that would be nothing but like his sleep and with no pain.

He forced himself out of his room and made himself breakfast. He didn't put much thought into Mark or his room that was closed or Mark himself who was seen nowhere around.

------

Mark dragged his feet to the house. Who was the person who said drinking would reduce the pain? Adding to the pain of the fight, he was feeling new things, like wanting to puke or his head was spinning and wanting to separate itself from the rest of his body.

Mark dragged himself into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water followed by making himself some coffee. He was feeling better than the way he felt the moment he woke up at Jungwoo's house.

When Mark turned back to look at the living room, he saw Haechan with the plate of his breakfast on his lap while he had his remote on the other changing the TV channel every second or two.

Haechan…

He wondered what he was thinking… Or what does he think about him? But, did he think about him? At Least for once? Maybe he didn't...he hurt him too much.

What happened, Haechan?

Everything just feels so cold...he wouldn't lie he wanted this eternal-looking winter to end. That was the couch where they fought over the remote to change the movie, that was the living room where they smiled and laughed. Their laughing Buddha in one corner kept them and their house happy and vibrant.

Now it's broken, just like them, and hidden in Mark's room. The kitchen where he stood was where he messed up and Haechan made fun of him and the whole house filled itself with chaos when they were late to their University. And filled with swearing at each other calling out to each other "it's your fault!”. And now? They didn't even shout at each other, hell, they didn't even dare to talk to each other.

When was the sun going to shine on them?

How did this happen, Haechan?

Why did he not keep his mouth under control? What was wrong with him? He was the one who wished for peace and happiness with them but then how did he let himself scream at him in rage?

-------

Haechan didn't dare to look back at Mark, but when he did, he knew he had gotten drunk last night.

Haechan was sick of it. What's the point of oscillating and expecting either this or that to happen, what's the whole point of holding on to it when Mark slapped his face about the reason for rejecting him is Haechan himself. Mark had no hope in him. No faith in them if they were together. And now, Haechan was starting to feel the same.

And what did he expect and imagine? One day things will be smooth and they would be in each other's arms crying over a sad movie and then Haechan would tell him, tell him that his childhood was pathetic, his family was in pieces and his whole life was flowing like a river with no direction and expecting it to finally reach his destination by some miracle.

But, as long as they were together, Haechan wanted to keep things as normal as they used to be, scream at each other about playful stuff, and show fingers at each other pointing the faults out. As normal as it could be without pricking each other's hearts.

“You should've called me if you were getting drunk with Jungwoo,'' he said, keeping his gaze to the TV and a forced smile on his lips when Mark sat on the couch.

Mark didn't say anything. Was Haechan trying to make things normal? He just looked at him expecting him to go on. Haechan laughed.

And Mark swore it wasn't his hangover when he heard Haechan laugh to be the fakest one he had ever given him and that made him want to break down again.

“Jaemin always suggests that I get a costly beer. But I only get high with the cheap one,” he added as he got up to throw the plate into the sink. “Oh, by the way, I made a new rule," he said, as he opened the tap to wash the plate. “Cleaning on alternative days. Today is Sunday, so it's your turn. Get your ass up.”

Mark got up and reached for the broom. “Hmm, nice to see Lee Mark work,” Haechan teased. Mark looked back at him with expectant eyes and wanted them to talk about the actual problem, they looked at each other for a second or two until Haechan looked away. Mark let out a sigh and continued.

“Mark,” he heard Haechan call him. His voice was low at the same time it sounded like he was begging for something. “Can't you fake a fight with me?”

He sounded so broken… so broken that Mark felt it. It hit right into his heart and he almost felt like his whole body was lit up on fire. The pain was burning in every cell of his body.

Mark looked back at Haechan who looked away. “Haechan…” he mumbled.
When Haechan ignored him to go back to his room, Mark reached his wrist, “Stop this, please…” he muttered. “Don't run away from me like you run away from your problems.”

“What do you want then?” he asked.

“I want to talk.”

“Why? You talked enough. We talked enough on the day we fought. You won, Mark. 130 times or whatever my count is… you just won over me by talking just once. I don't want to let you win… ever again.” Haechan mumbled.

How on earth was Mark supposed to convince him? How on earth was he going to justify himself? How on earth was he supposed to know that Jaemin was being a "normal" person when their first meeting itself was one of the most annoying ones he had ever had? He always believed in the first impression, if that's how Jaemin behaved, what was he supposed to conclude? But that's not something Haechan was ready to hear. Maybe he will never be ready to hear.

How was supposed to tell him that it was not just the frustration of his work but just everything in general? Words came out of his mouth almost spontaneously as he thought about the menace Haechan had been to him in the past. His frustration built up like a ball of fire and he had just been a fool who couldn't control it and hit him with it. He hit him again and again until Haechan, who convinced him that he was acting strong, broke into pieces.

Mark settled himself on the floor and Haechan did the same. Both of them looked at the ground, not even daring to glance at one another. Mark handed him his phone showing him the messages Judy had sent him.

“I was forced to do his side of the work while he couldn't. It was just a bad day, Haechan.”

“Mine too…” Haechan added, still looking at the ground.

“I fucked up everything…”

“Me too…”

“I screamed at you… it's my fault…”

“Mine too…”

Mark looked at him, “I don't regret going out with you, Haechan…”

“Me too…”

“I know… no amount of sorry will make you forgive me… but I have nothing else to say.” Mark let out. There was silence for a long time until Mark said, “I know you would never forgive me, god, I can't even bring myself to forgive myself. I should've noticed, I should've been kind to you…”

Haechan didn't make eye contact with him, but mumbled, “Not knowing is not your fault.”

Mark looked back at him, “You're right...I am weak, I'm a coward.”

Haechan sniffed. “Me too…”

Mark went on, “And I regret being one. I regret being unable to balance things out. Rejecting you didn't come out from what you were to me, it was from the fear of distance we had with each other… We barely know each other. Barely understand each other…”

Haechan looked away and closed his eyes.

“But… I don't want to push you away. I don't want to give up… our relationship has always been something I can never define, I don't want to end this without unfolding what you mean to me. I can just ask for a chance. Not to take things to something more than friendship, but to start with one. I would wait for you to sort things out with yourself, Haechan. I know it might be difficult for you when I come and tell you that what I said were like writing on water and I can't ask you to have faith in me either after I broke you… but I genuinely feel different than what I said when I was angry, I know it sounds so bad as I say it, but I have nothing else with me...

“I don't want to force you to talk to me anymore. But, I'll wait for the day when you come with an answer, irrespective of it being bad or good. If it is good, I hope you'll know that I'll be patient with you, try to understand you better.” Mark gave a tiny smile, taking his hand into his and patting it softly before he went on to clean the rest of the house.

Sort things out with yourself…try to go back into the cycle of having faith in Mark again. Haechan didn't want to walk forward and justify himself saying he's right for whatever happened. He was at fault too. If there's anything he learned, it is that fights start with faults on both sides. Mark has never been with Jaemin and when he did, it meant nothing. Mark's fears were justified… Who would want a relationship with someone who knew each other but never talked about each other?

Haechan didn't know, but...being friends with Mark didn't seem like a bad idea.

------

The sun shined like always, the moon lit up like always, but sometimes shy between the dark clouds accompanying the twinkling stars all over the blue night sky. Haechan looked at the sky wishing heaven, in reality, existed.

He wasn't angry with Mark anymore let alone be impacted very much by his words- positive or hurtful. He never expected himself to think of Mark's words in a way he was presently interpreting. Not the Mark who got nitpicked for not keeping his stuff together or not even the Mark who denied his proposal.

But if anything, he was thinking about himself instead of anybody else in the world.

Mark didn't take up the topic of his parents' divorce or fight or any of the stuff for a matter of fact. Introspecting himself, he could comprehend many of the untouched subjects of his life, making him wonder why he hasn't given time for himself to think or talk over.

He stood on the balcony, folding his fingers tightly to the steel stand of their wall. He desperately looked down, not being aware of what to find.

"People often use stairs to go down," Mark interrupted his self conversations; he came nearer, looking towards the empty road below, and with a softer voice, he said, teasing, "this way often takes you up."

Haechan blinked in confusion, unable to understand what he meant and after a while, he scoffed, "No way I am going up in heaven after I die, Mark Lee. I'm driving my way down to the core of hell."

Mark laughed.

Haechan sat down as Mark left back to the hall and tried to concentrate on the moon hidden behind the heavy mists. Beautiful moon, he wants to write a billet-doux on it, unleashing his emotions explicitly.

He thought about how difficult it is to be open without getting drunk.

But this time, instead he saw the clouds with burdened vapors of heavy emotions unable to carry them, shed down into precipitation. He realized that even clouds cry when things get heavy. And he is just a normal human. As a child, he believed the rain was formed because angels from heaven cry out.

Now he doesn't believe in angels anymore.

But there was always wishful thinking in his mind with an absence of hope. Humbling himself from the greatness of the clouds, he broke down along with them in the anticipation of finding the moon within himself.

Sniffing quietly, he reminisced about all the factors responsible for throwing him into the den of despondence- from his childhood to adulthood, he could never get over the stuff that caused him trouble.

Involved in his tragic flashbacks, he didn't notice Mark coming to his figure, "Hey, you alright?" Mark asked, holding his shoulder.

Haechan nodded, still sniffing.

"Okay, but do- anyway, let's go in, first?" He asked hesitantly.

Haechan could only nod again and both of them head to the couch. Mark offered him water in a glass and Haechan gulped it fully in one take.

As if Mark already understood what Haechan wanted to talk about, he sat quietly beside him giving an encouraging nudge on his knee.

"You want to talk, or do you want to be alone?"

"No, stay."

Mark didn't know why he was the one nervous now, "okay, sure."

After a long pause, Haechan let out, "My dad was an employee at a mediocre company and it was all fine until I was 7? Or I don't know 8? And then the business failed causing him to lose the job. He searched for different places yet he was unemployed, compelling him to do minimal jobs to feed the family. Mom worked as a professor and both were hardly home 'cause they had to make money."

Mark nodded, not knowing what to say, but attentive, "Later my sick grandmother passed away and the family expenses were somehow managed but the peace was destroyed. I was alone most of the time and now that if I think about it, it was probably better for me to be alone because if they were home, I would have to sleep with loud utensil noises and closed doors. They never even try to hide that they hate each other," Haechan gave a break, "Not after they were divorced, I guess. When I asked them to come, they were together with me but something was just empty because it simply wasn't it."

"Sometimes they would lure me into coming to their side which was actually fucking awful. Why do I have to choose? I have the right to both of them as much as they had to me. I was shared by them like a thing. A fucking competition to win over. But why-" he broke down and Mark wiped his cheeks quickly, shaking his head.

"It was just the two of us all the time. Why not the whole family? The parent-teacher meetings, family hangouts, school fests, everywhere it's just me and one of them. I don't understand why it's my fault that they are like this, just so selfish adults who forgot they have a son- why couldn't they be together, Mark? At least for me- I'm their son-" he cried again and this time Mark took him into a hug and Haechan cried for a few minutes on his chest holding onto his material.

Pulling away, Mark asked him to relax and spoke, "Have you told this to anybody else?"

Haechan nodded, "Jaemin. Only him though. But we don't talk about it at all."

"Huh?"

"The topic of our family is censored between us."

Mark looked at him with pity.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you, Haechan. No child deserves to go through this experience and has the right over his parents. Even you do, even now."

"I don't care anymore. But just the fact that it was because of them like that in the past makes me upset."

"You ought to be," Mark consoled him, "But it would have been worse if they had been together maybe? I don't want to convince you with the fact that things can be even more ridiculous but indeed, just think about it? They would not be happy and so wouldn't you be. Sometimes two people are good Haechan, just not good together. And your parents might be that. They haven't given up on you, have they?"

Haechan licked his lips in honest thought, "No," he admitted looking at Mark, "But that doesn't erase the fact that I have suffered a lot because of my own parents. They should have sorted it out before I was born, I needn't be born to a couple who are always hateful to each other. I can't go yell at the world that my parents love me on top of the universe but hate each other. What about my lost childhood? What do I explain to the lonely child that sacrificed so much love he deserves?"

"Forgiveness is bigger and a lot more powerful than justice, Haechan."

"Mark, do you seriously want me to forgive them for their shitty stupid problems that ruined my childhood, my birthdays," he scoffed in disbelief now, " my birthdays have been hell for me. I was just thirteen and for the first time, I cried on my own day. And it's all just because of them. I don't celebrate birthdays anymore. How can I forgive them just like that? Right away?"

Before Haechan could shed more tears, Mark caught his cheeks gently.

"Of course. But it doesn't need to be right away. You can figure out things slowly and surely with peace and presence of mind. It's not something you give to your parents, it's something you deserve," Mark said pointing to Haechan who looked at him dumbstruck.

"You, as a person don't need so much of hate in yourself for anybody, be it your divorced parents. Once you start abandoning the despise and loathe, you will feel so much better of yourself, trust me. It's a source of relief and happiness. You can respect your feelings and justify them without punishing anybody. You are both punishing your parents and yourself, Haechan. And this is certainly painful, and not suitable. It would help you grow as a person, a happy, joyful, cheerful, and powerful person. A person who is proud of himself," Mark said, smiling softly.

"I would need time."

"Certainly. And you don't need to hurry, as well. You have a lot of time," he smiled again, now holding his hand.

Haechan nodded, tense.

"It's difficult and not right to hurry up things as well, considering the years of bottled pent-up feelings. But I don't get the reason why you needed to do so."

Haechan looked at him blankly, "Is it not anymore obvious or do I need to give an explanation that I'm not comfortable with this?"

Mark narrowed his eyes, "It's not a shame, Haechan. I mean- yeah it's alright that you are not ready for things but you would need someone to talk to. The one person who knows, you restricted him too. Like see- you kept it from me and it caused a fight and it caused a hell lot of problems, imagine keeping it within yourself, you must have gotten into much more problems within your own self."

Haechan was dumbfounded by Mark's explanation. He never thought of this.

Why hasn't he?

"As you say, it's censored between you and Jaemin too. Then who else do you want to rely on?''

Haechan shook his head, "Mark- this is not it."

"But like, why do you have to hurt yourself with so much hurt within yourself, man? And you say, you were only happy after getting into high school, but" Mark looked down and then up again, "but were you really? Could you ever brush off the discomfort about the topic of your family? Oh my God, that's why this all makes sense now. You were always trying to get away from them. You thought of being happy then because you were with your grandparents. You were not okay or anything, you were just distracted from them."

Haechan looked down embarrassed, "You are supposed to make me feel better, Mark Lee."

Mark, taken aback and alarmed, spoke out, "Ah, I'm sorry for saying this outright like this, but you don't have to run away from your problems, Haechan. Learn to acknowledge your emotions, feelings or any issues. And share them even if the person can't solve them. Many people love you, Haechan let alone not declaring it to you."

Like Mark? Haechan thought.

You can sort this out, with anybody's help. You will be okay."

Haechan smiled tightly. He didn't feel like he had forgiven his parents or felt proud just like how Mark described to him, yet, he felt fresh and partly relaxed. He doesn't need to work on things right away but he had the confidence of becoming better, soon.

With Mark Lee and his friend, Sooner rather.

Haechan rubbed Mark's shoulder before placing his cheek on it.

------

Following days, Haechan and Mark aren't silent like before, they don't quarrel as much as before but sure they had their regularities going on. Haechan was more punctual to his college and work, busying himself with responsibilities and academics.

He greeted Jaemin properly and told his conversations with Mark. Jaemin replied, "I'm glad Mark could make you understand what I was dying to say."

Haechan rolled his eyes, laughing.

"But I am happy for you," he smiled brightly, "So no more censors, then?"

Haechan thought for a second before shaking his head, "No. Not anymore." Haechan smiled.

"So the noodles your mom sent on our graduation was actually fucking awesome."

Haechan blinked and laughed, hitting his head and later hugging his friend right away.

Mark talked to him more, not necessarily about his personal issues but his office in general and sometimes, Haechan playfully asked him if Judy at work troubled him anymore.

Mark would say, "That guy is the cause of my villain origin story but it's fine, he was a bitch only for once and also apologized for being a bitch so he is forgiven. Also, the boss gave him a hearing too if that's what makes you satisfied."

Haechan curbed his laughter covering his mouth, "that's nice to hear. No one can harm my milk."

Mark chuckled, pressing the keys on his laptop while Haechan patted his hair.

Out of nowhere, Haechan said, "You are actually a perfect son."

"Nobody is perfect, Haechan."

"Geez, you won't let me appreciate you in peace. Starting with 'nobody's perfect' lectures. Aish." He snorted, causing Mark to snicker again.

"But" Haechan continued, genuinely, "You are actually a nice son, you know? Adorable like a chipmunk, have a secure promised job and you do a promising amount of effort too, you are your parents' pride."

Mark gave a shy smile, ears reddening, but breathing out, he said, "See, now I can't ignore the chipmunk thing."

"But you definitely ignore the adorable part, see. I hate you."

Mark giggled, "Thank you."

After a while, Mark closed his laptop and Haechan looked at him again and said in a lower voice, "If anywhere or anyhow I could choose who should be my child, it would be you, seriously."

"That's so wei- or say, peculiar. Very specific."

"I guess? But it would be nice. And unlike what happened to me, I would treat you very specially and keep you under the apples of my eyes."

Haechan was honest, he wouldn't deny it. But Mark felt a tingle of hurt when Haechan said how he thinks somebody having a normal pleasant childhood is such a special thing to ask for, or that only privileged people get to experience it; when it's literally one of the basic and vital elements of human being. The childhood he missed, shouldn't be missed by his son, that's what Haechan thinks.

It's indeed a good thought except for the suffering residing in the hidden compartment of his feelings.

Mark gleamed, however sad yet reassuring, "Me too. I want to take care of my child very well too; and he gets all the love from the world and I'd give him so many happy memories so that he has something to share when his roommate talks about his family stories."

Haechan's smile dropped slowly, biting his lips, he thought about how much Mark could hurt him more with reality. But this time he couldn't get himself to be angry or pissed off at him, although he wanted to punch Mark's eyes for seeing through his self. He also wanted to cry out again exploring and expressing his mind and figured he didn't want to do both of them again.

Not knowing what to answer, he lay his head on Mark's lap closing his eyes trying to shoo away all his thoughts, and it worked to some extent as the warmth of Mark's hand graced his hair and face.

"Don't pretend to be sleepy, again, Haechan."

Haechan's eyeballs flicker in his muscles and Mark could see them, "I'm sorry if it was rude."

"Shut up dork, it's not rude. You are just being brutally honest." Haechan thought internally.

Just like Haechan.

Since Haechan could not say anything convincing, he takes Mark's hand into his, squeezing, he says, "I don't remember the last time I slept on my mother's lap like this."

"Do you miss them?"

"Sometimes," he answered, kissing their interlocked hands, not opening his eyes anytime in their conversation.

That night, Mark unintentionally saw Haechan's sleeping figure and entered inside to cover him with the sheet, like an old age habit. With a further debate to himself, he bent down to press his lips to the bangs covering his forehead.

Next morning, while eating their breakfast, Haechan said, "When I was 12, I visited Jeju. I guess that was the last time I saw my cousins. We liked playing with sand and making castles and shit. We also wet our clothes going to beaches and all. Dirtied them with sand too," Haechan smiled at Mark, ''but it was nice. I liked it so much. The thought of it makes me happy. Some part of me wishes why it can't be like that forever but now I have come to the conclusion that I have many other things to look for and don't need to spend my thoughts on missing things."

Mark didn't answer immediately but gave him a tiny smile, "I'm glad."

"Thank you, Mark." He said sincerely.

"I can see why you like summer more," Mark admitted, causing him to nod. Rest of the time, they shared their earlier days' memories and a few fun talks and both of them are glad to be being a listener of the other's shitty random stuff.

------

Haechan came home one afternoon to see Mark settled on the floor with his guitar and his headphones on. He looked at him with his beautiful doe eyes and smiled at him, “How was your exam?” he asked, taking off his headphones.

“Satisfying,” Haechan replied, sitting on the couch to which Mark hummed.

“Wanna join?” he asked and before Haechan could reply, he went on to play the chords. Haechan half-smiled, predicting which artist Mark would play. “For all the times that you rain on my parade…” Mark began.

Love yourself.

Haechan let out a chuckle before he joined him. He didn't expect to make such a good harmony.

“Woah, your voice, I love it...really,” Mark said. Haechan's ears reddened and he let out a giggle. “We make a good pair,” Mark added.

Laying back on the couch, Haechan smiled, “We do.”

Haechan was still not over the fact that it's been a month since they had their biggest fight. His mid-terms rushed by quickly and he left them behind at the same speed they came by. And he was satisfied with himself, he wouldn't lie. Haechan would replay whatever Mark advised him after their fight and he was still grateful for him. Things seemed to be so new but he was glad that things between them fell on the place they used to be.

Haechan watched Mark playing his guitar and when he stopped and looked back at him, Haechan rubbed his eyes and yawned, “I'm tired…” moments later, he added, “But you know what, Milk?”

Mark's lips curved into a smile when things were as normal as Haechan calling him Milk. Mark nodded his head slightly asking, “What?”

“Suddenly… I was fascinated.”

“By?”

“Everything…” Haechan replied. “Everything we are taught… I was dumb not to realize but, this shit is cool, man.”

“And you're realizing this now?" Mark laughed. “You are graduating in like…a few more months. But well, I'm glad that now you're liking what you're doing.” he added with a smile while Haechan nodded with a "yeah". Mark paused and thought for a few seconds, “Okay so...what do you all do?”

Haechan laughed as he closed his eyes, “Make bombs.”

“Really? But-” Mark paused and grinned, “ I don't think you all need to make them anymore because this industry has you now.”

Haechan opened his eyes and glanced at Mark. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

Mark held back a laugh, “I mean that you are as dangerous as any other nuclear bomb and you alone are enough to destroy the world. But you are allowed to draw your conclusions, I guess?”

“Asshole,” Haechan mumbled to which Mark burst out laughing. “Imma throw my first bomb on your house.”

Mark laughed again before saying, “What if we still live in the same house?”

Haechan's face flushed, “Don't give me hope.”

Mark looked back at him, “You should be hopeful though…” he said. Their eyes locked for more than a minute until Mark cleared his throat. “Okay, Clint Barton, since you're tired. I'll make you something.”

“Remember, we need to be safe,” he paused and laughed, “Rotten egg.”

“Oh shut up, the jealous one.”

“Leave the nicknames to me, honey.”

“Don't challenge me, you-” Mark paused. “You-”

“I refuse to have a battle of nicknames with a person who's uncreative,” Haechan casually said, covering his face with the pillow.

Mark gritted his teeth and threw a crumpled paper lying on the floor, “You- No- In the world full of cellphones you are an envelope.”

Unprovoked? Haechan thought internally and sat up, shrugging, “Yeah, pen on paper type.”

“No, you're outdated,” Mark replied, getting up.

Haechan let out a chuckle of disbelief, “And this envelope is in love with someone who likes letters,” he smiled.

Mark's face blushed pink, but before he could say anything, Haechan continued, “For the coldness, I'm getting from you, I hope you always get to eat soup that's cold.”

“And I hope I'm forcing you to eat with me.”

Haechan walked towards him, “And you are so boring that if you were a movie, you would be an unnecessary sequel.”

Mark scoffed, “You are about as intimidating as a butterfly.”

“And you're being as annoying as Voldemort's breathing holes.”

“I-” Mark cracked up. “Okay, I cannot beat that one.”

Haechan shrugged, “But I'm worried you are becoming better and better at words. Before you become better than me, I should run away from you,” Haechan laughed.

Mark glanced at him, “Don't. I would rather be unfunny.” he said to which Haechan's heart skipped a beat.

------

After a while of Haechan sitting in the living room and watching Mark's struggle seemed equally funny and concerning. Thankfully, he didn't burn anything. Even the pancakes he made.

“You laughed that I couldn't make an oatmeal, but here I am… with pancakes,” Mark said as he handed Haechan the plate with a proud smile on his face. “But...my back fucking hurts.”

Haechan laughed as Mark continued, “Taking care of the house...it's indeed hard.”

Haechan nodded. “Should've thought of it before. Anyways, oh yeah, it's your turn to clean tomorrow.”

Mark pouted.

“Don't make excuses, weak bones,” Haechan retorted.

-----

Mark and Haechan snuggled under blankets when the weather got colder. Mark had his laptop on his lap while he talked about his office. Haechan suddenly remembered their laughing Buddha.

“Our fight…” he began. Mark immediately got tensed. “It was.. something, wasn't it? We never...did something so huge.”

Mark hummed. “It lasted for more than 2 weeks, right?” Haechan asked, to which Mark nodded again. “It's so crazy and sometimes funny to me…” he added. Mark hummed again. “You are not saying anything, Milk?”

“There's isn't anything to say. It reminds me of being inconsiderate towards you. And I can't afford something else like that,” he said, looking away. “And I hurt you… I was the reason you lost hope in me, in us…”

Haechan shrugged. “I mean, our relationship is built on us fighting over each other…”

“It almost tore us apart, Haechan,” Mark said in disbelief.

“But we didn't let it happen, Mark. You didn't let it happen… At the same time, we got close to each other. Otherwise, we wouldn't last in a relationship for more than a week.”

“I can't believe you. We don't need to fight with each other and expect something good to happen from it, Haechan.”

Haechan sighed, giving up, and moved closer and rested his head on Mark's shoulder while Mark wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

“I don't understand you, Haechan. You talk as though you weren't the most affected but in reality… it's just-”

“Sh. Let's get over it.” Haechan said. “How are you taking me seriously when I'm just centimetres away from giving you a kiss?”

Mark looked back straight into the other's eyes, “Go ahead. Do it then,” he said, closing his eyes.

Haechan was taken aback by his sudden confidence. This wasn't a dream, was it? Haechan didn't move his muscles but he was scared that Mark might hear his heartbeat. At the same time, he didn't want to dare.

Mark opened his eyes and grinned, “Yeah, thought so.” he replied.

Haechan scoffed. “I'm going to get you one day, Mark,” he said.

Mark smiled, “Hmm, let's see about that on a day when you can fight me.”

“Yeah, you shall. But expect me to beat the shit off you.”

Mark looked back in surprise, “But what the fuck, Haechan. Who even punches someone like that?!” he said, referring to their fight.

Haechan shrugged, “You asked me. You were the one who asked me to hit you, okay? But- I was the one who's supposed to ask that question, you fucking got on me with all the strength you had,” he said. “Who even does that?! You suck, truly.”

Mark sighed. “Correction: we both suck.”

“Won't argue on that,” Haechan said. “Are you able to define us now?”

Mark giggled, “Oh yeah, I haven't thought about it,” he said. “So... what are we?”

“Hmm…” Haechan said, thinking. “How about… suckers trying to survive?”

Mark laughed, “Roommates who suck at adulting,” he added. Haechan giggled.

“Keeping up with my rival,” Haechan said.

Mark made an 'O' with his mouth, satisfied. “I like that one,” he said, laughing.

-------

The next morning, Mark stood on their balcony, sipping his morning coffee while he held onto his blanket as a cold morning breeze hit his face. Moments later, Haechan joined him with a cup and sat down.

Mark looked back at him, saying, “You got up early today.”

Haechan hummed sheepishly. “So this is how the sunrise feels, huh?”

Mark giggled, looking back at the sky. “Tranquil and elegant.”

“What are your plans for today?” Haechan asked.

“Nothing. I have work due but I submitted it last night. Jungwoo is working on the other, so, nothing urgent. How about you?”

“Well… waiting for my next term to begin, I guess? What do you expect from a student who just wrote their mid-term?”

“Jobless for now, huh?”

“And he's right. But only half of it. Jaemin says you should always be prepared for it,” Haechan said. “Haechan-ah, study beforehand and outsmart the bitches around,” he proceeded to mock him. Mark burst into tiny giggles. “Sit down, it won't hurt your butt, fat ass.”

“Sitting for too long does though,” Mark said, settling himself.

“Okay, let's do this,” Haechan said, turning Mark towards him.

“Do what?” Mark asked, surprised.

“Rapid answer questions, What's your favourite colour?”

“Uhm, okay? Blue.”

“Black. What was the last book you read?”

“It was a series. Robert Langdon's.”

Haechan made a disgusting face, “Nerd.”

“Shut up. You?”

Haechan cackled, “The PDF my professor sent. It's my gospel, Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and Manga.”

“Wow. You know a great deal about stuff.”

Haechan shrugged, “Well. But okay, favourite ice cream?”

“Vanilla.”

“Same but also chocolate and strawberry. Last movie you watched?”

“Black widow? I don't know. You?”

“I don't remember… I had exams. But okay, date: indoors or outdoors?”

“Both? It depends.”

“Same. Okay, what's my contact name on your mobile? Let's do this together in 3, 2, 1-”

“Roommate.” Mark and Haechan said together. Both of their faces dropped. “Ah- I see we aren't that close…” Mark mumbled.

“Okay, let's change it,” Haechan said, taking his phone. “I'm saving you as a rotten egg.”

“Ah, that's-” Mark whined. “Okay, sunny side up.”

“Hmm, interesting,” Haechan said, both of them grinned and put their phones aside when Haechan continued, “Roommates or live alone, let's do it together in 3,2,1-”

“Roommates,” they yelled together again.

“Nice~“ Haechan smiled. “Okay, your goal in childhood?”

Mark opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, “Hmm… writer? Doctor? I had many, you?”

Haechan looked away, saying, “I don't know… I never had a dream, never allowed my mind to think about it…” Dreams meant hopes. Hopes meant expectations with life. Expectations in life came with wanting happiness and the 'H' word has always been something found in books and movies to him. He just went on with life wherever it dragged him to.

Haechan was brought back to reality when Mark covered them with his blanket. “You were shaking,” Mark said with a tiny smile.

“And now it's warm,” Haechan replied, snuggling into Mark. It felt like a whole new world… the warmth of the sun, birds chirping, beautiful plants, and butterflies. Were there tiny little angels with wings around too? And suddenly, his imagination flew into imagining rainbows and sunflowers around. It was peaceful, to say the least.

Moments later, Haechan asked, “Why do you believe in god?”

Mark glanced at him, “Oh fuck off now… you're gonna tease me again.”

“Okay, I won't, I promise.”

Mark sighed, “It's just a habit, okay? But I don't regret it. Imagine this god-like ball of energy, not like some human and this energy gives us life and that thought makes me relaxed. It's like- knowing that something powerful than me exists and I don't need to think about everything small that bothers me, I can let it go… we can't tell every single thing about us to someone, Haechan.

“And I could tell it to someone who isn't human and let it go. The thought that God exists or no doesn't matter anymore. Why would it? If he does, your hope remains, if he doesn't, your hope that he exists remains, nonetheless. Nothing is lost or nothing is gained by putting faith and no one is harmed,” Mark shrugged.

And being with Mark was relaxing. The beautiful sun rays falling on him made him seem ethereal. He caressed his cheek and smiled, “You're so breathtaking,” he wanted to say. Instead, he smiled wider, “Wanna clean the house together?”

Mark nodded with a smile.

“Today you'll learn to clean all the corners,” Haechan said.

Mark raised his eyebrows, “Alright, Sifu Haechan,” he said, bowing formally.

------

The rest of the day, both of them spent cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, bickering, and giving up. But they ended up satisfied with the food and the movie they planned to watch. Until the evening rolled by.

“Who thought I would watch the sunrise and sunset with you?” Haechan said.

“Do you mean that as a good thing or a bad thing?” Mark asked.

“You are allowed to draw your conclusions,” Haechan teased.

They spent the next few hours just talking things at random and playing some music.

“Today the moon looks pretty…” Mark said.

“And that's because of the sun. This satellite shines because of its surface reflecting light from the freaking sun.”

Mark glanced at the other, “Your point? And why are you… so pressed?”

“Because I am the sun.”

“Jesus hell,” Mark mumbled. “If only the meaning of a name makes them that then I am a big Question Mark.”

“Well...that does sound like accuracy… but you're the question Mark I always love to answer.”

“Shut the fuck up, Haechan.”

-----

"6 pm?" Mark asked excitedly on the phone, catching Haechan's attention to Mark.

"Fine, done," Mark cut the call, smiling.

Haechan stood in front of him, folding his arms to his chest, wiggling his eyebrows with a serious expression in curiosity or inspection, Mark had no idea.

"Who was it?"

Mark shrugged, "Jungwoo."

"What's your plan?"

"Jungwoo is coming here today."

"And, how?"

"With his bike, any more doubts."

"Don't act over smart, Mark Lee. You aren't even smart," Haechan narrowed his expression, causing Mark to whine, "what's the problem anyway?"

"You should be smart enough to be called a smartass which I fear you aren't, or else you are just a total ass, which I fear you are. Explains your fat ass too."

Mark glared at him, "What are your orders, your honor?"

"Jaemin is coming too," Haechan declared, causing Mark to snort, "what?" Haechan questioned, offended, "you go break the no boys rule shit and all and blame me when I do the same thing?"

Mark joined his hands bending down, "My mistake, sir. Do as you want, just spare my life."

"Hmm, spared. 6 o'clock is it?"

Mark could only nod. Haechan had put up with Jaemin's tantrums on phone about him being a busy, attentive, and sincere college student who needs to study but Haechan made his negotiation (in Jaemin's words, a warning) in the words, "Shut the fuck up and get your ass here, bitch or else I'm telling Renjun about your tiny crush on the red ribbon girl back then.''

"That was three years ago, My Renjun is too mature to care."

"And your point is?"

"Not noted. But whatever, when do I come?"

"6 pm."

"Yeah baby perfect."

Haechan cleaned the house on a whim which caught Mark amazed because of Haechan's incredible skills.

"Woah, I was feeling guilty for leaving all the dirty stuff but I can say, I'm fucking impressed. You are actually awesome, dude."

Haechan smiled cheekily, "Haha, I know. Don't I deserve an reward for doing this alone?"

"What kind of reward?" Mark asked.

Haechan moved his face from sideways near to Mark expecting a kiss but Mark looked around for a second, smiling and patted his head, "You did well, Haechan."

Haechan gritted his teeth, "Do I look like fucking dog to you- no like, what the fuck seriously? Actually, fuck it, what else do I except from your shy ass?"

"What happened-?" Mark asked, trying to be innocent.

"You can't do it, Mark. I have to come to that realization," Haechan said, sighing dramatically.

"What?" Mark shook his head, "Anyway, you should probably go change."

Haechan looked at his clothes and raised his brows in question, "why? What happened to my clothes?"

"Haechan I hate to break it to you but you are a 21-year-old donkey and not a kindergarten child for you to roam around in shorts like that. Go wear pants at least when other people come to our home."

"That's rubbish, Mark Lee. You are just jealous you don't have pretty and sexy legs like me. Or you are just jealous that other people get to see me in my best form too."

"Isn't that too much boasting, Haechan?"

"Of course not," Haechan leaned towards the wall, keeping his hand on his face, "I look like a model this way."

Mark glanced at him for a minute and laughed uncontrollably, "A model who wants to piss," and he continued to laugh again, just looking and imagining Haechan's posture over and over.

"You can't control my charm," Haechan said, teasingly.

"And you can't control your bladder," Mark laughed again covering his mouth, resulting in Haechan giving him a half-hearted glare but Mark took no stake to stop his playful mockery.

"Fuck you, Mark Lee."

-------

Four of them gathered at the given time, watching a movie and talking minimal mundane stuff but enjoying their time nevertheless. Mark ordered two boxes of pizza despite getting a proper earful of him spending all his expenses on the cheese buns (Haechan's words) but Mark gave no shits to retort.

As they sat down to eat, Jungwoo went to Haechan to help him with the snack stuff while Jaemin and Mark were left alone; Mark wanted to pull his eyes to the ground showered with awkwardness already. Jaemin wasn't any different but it was less obvious compared to Mark's face.

"It's good to meet you, man." Mark said, awkwardly.

"Yeah, me too," Jaemin replied and after a short pause, he continued, "Haechan, uh, might have told you everything that happened and all."

Mark nodded, "I think Haechan told you everything about us both too; the day when we- you know? Like, I mean, I hope you get it."

"Yes, I do."

"I'm sorry, really, I wasn't thinking straight and sane while I was talking, seriously but I hope my apology proves my sincerity."

"It's okay, Mark, it's a misunderstanding that's got cleared up now," he continued, doubtfully, "I hope it did?"

"Yeah, it did. I hope you don't hate me for what I have done to Haechan or said to you," Mark mumbled, pitily.

"No, no," Jaemin shook his head, "Hate is a strong word, but like, it's seriously fine, all of us mess up sometimes, I'm sure Haechan did too."

"Not as bad as me but yeah, indeed both of us sucked actually. But about you- I want to really apologize properly, it was very wrong of me. It's just that I had the wrong impression before, but gladly, it's not like that anymore."

"I can understand, I appreciate your apology, Mark, but we are good, I promise," Jaemin smiled.

"Thanks. It's just that our first meetings weren't pleasant, our conversations and the antacid you gave me on my birthday-"

"What?"

"The antacid you gave me-"

"The heck are you talking about? I never gave you anything," Jaemin seemed confused, genuinely, and as much as Mark.

"You are not lying again, are you?" Mark asked, actually bewildered. If Jaemin did lie to him, again, Mark swore he would literally beat up his ass if not becoming his long-lost villain.

"No of course- why would I?"

"Then who-" and suddenly Mark saw the same coloring of deep realization on Jaemin's face, before gasping unbelievably, "My God, Lee Haechan is going to die in my hands one day, I'm sure."

Jaemin chuckled brightly, clapping his hands, "My friend is a whole different level of problem child."

Mark nodded, laughing, "I can't believe Haechan is the reason why we were like that before." Jaemin sighed, snickering.

Before Mark and Jaemin could reach the kitchen, Jungwoo said to Haechan in a low voice, "Mark, my friend," and looked at Haechan, who in turn eyed him back curiously, "he always talks about you, you know?"

Haechan bit his jaws to hold back his smile, "it's annoying," Jungwoo said, shaking his head dramatically.

"I wonder what our two weeks trip without you would be like. If he starts with 'oh my God I miss Haechan' every second, I would have to need your permission to kill him."

Haechan was fully laughing right now. He boosted his laughter when Mark came to them complaining about the antacid Haechan gave him in the name of his best friend.

"It's a thoughtful gift, you should thank me but instead you are scolding me," Haechan said in between his smiles.

"Wow, so thoughtful of you to make fun of me."

"It's good for your intestine, Mark Lee," Jungwoo chimed.

"Who's interested in the intestine?" Mark complained.

"I'm not interested in keeping my house which smells like dog shit either." Haechan retorted.

"What do you mean?"

"Fart monster."

"Little monster."

Four of them lost their sanity from laughing unconditionally and Jaemin interrupted them, "A fatass and a bitchass."

"Deadass." Jungwoo agreed.

"And you both got no ass," Mark and Haechan said out loud together.

--------

Mark brushed his hair in front of the mirror watching Haechan glancing at him from outside. Asking him to come inside, Mark packed his wallet in the bag.

"So many days would you be missing me?" Haechan asked.

"You wish," Mark joked, and then composed himself, "2 weeks. 15 days precisely."

Haechan hummed and asked him to get out of the room quickly for him to drop Mark at the airport. As he came out, Haechan reminded him, "Did you forget the ke-"

"I packed it," Mark blinked, smiling, causing Haechan to smile in return.

Mark wore his shoes and was about to call Haechan out but was intervened as Haechan pulled him into a tight hug and held onto him for more than a minute. Mark wrapped his arms with a small smile, patting his back. Just as they pulled away, Mark felt Haechan's hand on his lower back.

"Ow, did you just grope my ass, Haechan? What the fuck?" He asked, disgusted, and tried to reach his hand behind him before Haechan could grab his wrist.

"Shut up, Mark," Haechan scolded him, and said, "There is something I have kept in your pocket, open it later."

"Why can't I see it now?"

"Shut up and listen to me."

Mark laughed. Before he could say something in return, Haechan pulled his face closer, caressing his cheek and kissing the other side later on. Mark flashed a sweet smile, taking his hand and heading towards their bike.

During the drive, he wondered what Haechan could have given to him but brushed away his thoughts looking at the rear view mirror showing Haechan's smiling face, who was, in actuality, smiling at him.

As Mark had to head inside the airport, Haechan gave him goodbye, and Mark prepared to leave.

With further thought, he came back and hugged Haechan again muttering, "I will miss you," into his hair. Haechan replied the same with a tight smile.

"Also," Mark said, before leaving back again, "Go check our hall table as soon as you go home," and winked.

As Haechan came home, Haechan took the hold of the new Laughing Buddha, smiling and kissing it.

--------

To
Milk,
I know letters mean a lot to you, Mark, so this is for you. You have done a great job pretending that you don't love me. However, it's not easy to resist my charms, you see? Nonetheless, my love for you helped me see through your closed unconfessed feelings. Similarly, your love for me helped you see through my closed unconfessed feelings. I know you are scared of loving me, Mark, rather scared of me even (you should be), but for once, can you take my hand and walk forward along with me? Let's protect each other from the world, from our fears and rivals. But that doesn't mean anybody can protect you from me though. Our love made us better so I hope we can continue to love each other for the rest of the future. After all, you are the one who taught me to acknowledge my feelings. It's your turn, Mark.

Make this letter come to reality or else eat it. It has a magic love potion which would let you admit what you realized long ago.

With yours,
Love,
Haechan.

Mark couldn't reckon if it was a warning or a proposal but he was sure of the fact that he was definitely ready for a challenge posed by his rival Haechan and also ready to give in to his lover Haechan.

--------

Mark and Haechan don't miss each other except they do, a lot. Mark could catch himself telling the food recommendations to Jungwoo which are given by Haechan or reprimanding him about the stuff he usually messes up.

"At this point, I should get a new home, Mark," Jungwoo joked, but that didn't make Mark any better.

Early in the morning, he texted Haechan as:

Rotten Egg (8:05)
Why tf didn't you wake me up?

See, now I'm late 'cuz of you

Sunny-Side Up: (8:10)
???

How can I?

Are you drunk?

Rotten Egg: (8:12)
I can't start my morning without shouting at you.

I miss you daang

Sunny-Side Up (8:15)
You just melted and evaporated the sun itself.

However, when Haechan repeatedly asked about the thing he had apparently 'forgotten about' he doesn't flinch or give any clues about his reactions keeping Haechan curiously (and cutely, Mark's words) frustrated.

Only if he knew how Mark yelled into Jungwoo's ears with enthusiasm, counting down the number of days left for their trip to end and he could finally get together with Haechan.

Literally and figuratively.

Nonetheless, Haechan's condition was not any different from talking (actually fighting) to himself in front of his reflection even though he knew how foolish he seemed for doing so.

Cleaning the table of the customers, Haechan said to Renjun, "Mark, we have the Math at 3 right?"

Both Renjun and Jaemin were bewildered before Renjun asked him, laughing, "Mark? Who's he?"

Haechan didn't realize he had taken Mark's name instead of Renjun's; with a foolish thought, he hit his head in embarrassment.

"Sorry," he said, causing all of them to laugh.

"Who's he though?" Renjun asked.

Haechan bit his lip in thought, wondering what they had established up until then and with a confident, firm smile, he said proudly, "one of my best friends in this cold world."

Renjun pressed his lips and smiled, patting his hand.

"And soon to be boyfriend," Jaemin mumbled into Renjun's ears causing Haechan to slap him away.

Jaemin spoke out, again, louder and more confident this time, "Lee Haechan just mistook my boyfriend for his boyfriend?"

Renjun fake gasped, "Isn't that too fast to declare, Nana? This is not what 'going slow' means; your words, again."

Jaemin didn't say anything but laughed and carried on with his work, while Haechan teased him, "This is the only thing Jaemin isn't a slow poke at."

"Shut up, Mark's a slow poke even in this, then."

"I won't deny," Haechan grinned.

-------

Handling academic stress, sometimes, was sure on top of the world. Haechan was, however, a better case in handling stress compared to the people around him. Jaemin would chug eight cups of coffee in one session and Mark would scream like a maniac all around the house causing huge trouble to himself as well as Haechan.

He wasn't as ridiculous as them, for sure, but occasionally he feels heavy with too many things left alone on himself with the extra share of housework with Mark not being around.

He opened Mark's chat to find his audio message and played it:

So, these are the last two days of our trip- should this even be called a trip? That asshole got us working like there is no tomorrow, yes I'm talking about our shitty boss. Let all the mosquitoes bite his body in hell and the worms- worms should eat away his flesh. No trace should be left, I swear. Anyway, I will be out for the meeting for the next- I guess? 3 hours. Don't call me, Haechan. I will get going. See you.

Haechan sighed. The morning must have hated his might that day, because, for some stupid reason, he felt overwhelmed with everything around. He would be scribbling on a paper if he was to declare his emotions right now.

He wondered what Mark would do at times like this and whether his parents talked to him regularly about his life and stuff. He tried to shut away those thoughts but is both unable to and doesn't want to, for once.

He looked at the screen and reminisced the young times when he was dumb and carefree but now, how it's gotten to a situation wherein he woke up to a bad dream in the form of his insecurities and discomfort and it happened every day.

He badly missed his happy times, when his legs landed onto his father's hips or his hair grazed his mother's cheek as he closed his eyes to sleep.

Nervously, he opened his mother's contact and clicked it with panicked hands.

Eyes glistened, he waited and heard the call ring and shed his teardrops. After less than ten seconds, the call was answered.

"Hello?" The voice echoed in his mind.

Haechan shut his eyes tight and muffled his mouth and nose, preventing his sobs from reaching the other side of the call. Although he yearned for his mother's hand to caress his hair and for once, wet her top with his tears like he used to do when young.

"Haechan? What happened, dear?" His mother called again, voice now filled with concern and pain which didn't go unnoticed this time.

He cried silently for a few more seconds before taking a huge breath and collecting himself, "Uh, nothing. The call was by mistake. I need to go."

This time, he knew how much he wanted to hear her again.

Before he could hang up, his mother called him again, "Couldn't you say something even though the call was by mistake? It's been more than eight months since we have talked."

Haechan, unable to control himself anymore, hiccupped loudly even after trying so hard not to.

"Haechan- son, are you crying?"

Son. That's what he wanted to hear from them for many years. And when he heard it, he gave in. He sniffed with tears pouring down his cheeks. Mustering all the remains of the ashes of courage he whispered, crying, "I miss you."

It felt so nice saying it out loud to them.

And then he cried again, and he could sense his mother trying to control herself.

"Me too, Haechan. I miss you a lot," she said in a soft voice filled with remorse, "You are the only good result of our love. Rest all- just- rest all just buried themselves alive and now they are really dead. There is nothing more, son. It's just you-" she cried again causing him to let out a loud whimper too, "Please don't give up on me, on us, Haechan. Please don't. I would have no reason to be alive."

Haechan broke down, unable to say anything more so he just let himself be exposed.

After a random silence, his mother spoke out again, sighing, "Sorry, I shouldn't have become weak in front of you. You don't have to be responsible for our grief."

Haechan gripped his hands tightly at those words.

"Anyway, how are you doing? Your studies? Just be happy all the time, okay?"

Haechan nodded, and answered, "Yeah, everything is fine here. The money sent by Dad is enough for the college fees and the rest- the rest I manage by my cafe job."

"Oh, that's good to hear. But if you have any problem with the expenses, just give me a single call."

''Not yet, I guess? I'm fine for now. And Jaemin helps with stuff too, so it's not a problem," he answered honestly.

"Okay. As you wish, dear. Just know that we love you. We both love you so much even if you don't think any better of us."

"I know. I understand you too. But it's fine, really."

"Okay."

"H-how is everybody?"

"They are fine."

"Okay, that's good. Anyway, I need to head out."

"Yeah okay, bye."

"Bye."

"Love you."

I know. Haechan hung up. He sat on the floor looking at the balcony again like that day, and when he looked at the sky, he could look at the moon. Crescent, gleamy, not full yet bright. The glory of its shine reflected from the sun itself had so much glamor and magnificence in its very presence.

He realized it's okay to take others' help and shine. Unlike the sun, whose light is impalpable but not enjoyed by others but the moon, throwing a light of beauty and coolness, and is looked upon by many.

When he messages Mark about his talk with his mother, he doesn't reply immediately, keeping his meeting in view. As their schedule ended he was informed by his boss that the work was over and that they could return back anytime they wanted to.

And Mark would absolutely not stand a day more without any work. He decided to book a flight early in the morning, the next day.

He opened his phone to view Haechan's messages.

Sunny-Side Up: (7:30)
I talked to mom today

Rotten Egg: (8:00)
Oh.

You okay, right?

Don't worry Haechan

You did well

Don't cry, please :((

You look less handsome while you cry.

Sunny-Side Up: (8:04)
That's such a downvoted comment.

Also, I'm not crying.

Rotten Egg: (8:05)
You suck at lying too now

Sunny-Side Up: (8:06)
I hate you, Mark Lee.

Love you bye.

Rotten Egg:
Me too;))

Bye

See you soon, Haechannie:))

Sunny-Side Up:
Me too?
(Seen)

Me too for what?
(Seen)

Wait what?
(Seen)

Mark, wtf reply dumbass
(Seen)

------

"Haechan, sleep quickly," his mother called him, gently patting the space beside her.

"No," Haechan, as a five-year-old kid, whined, "first tell me what sleep is and then I will think about it."

His father laughed at his antics and said, "Well, let your mom explain this, I'm bad at this."

His mother laughed and called him beside him asking him to lay down, and said in a higher voice, "Sleeping is when you hug your favorite person beside you and close your eyes trying to dream."

"Oh," Haechan nodded in understanding.

"Who's your favorite person, baby?" His father asked.

"Dad," he took a pause and looked at his mother's offended face and then hit his head and retracted, "and mom. I like you both."

The parents laughed, pulling him close and hugging him, while Haechan dreamt in yellow.

Haechan closed his eyes gently, pulling his pillow closer to his chest, rubbing his cheek on it, and sighed, smiling. He wished he could hug Mark like that very soon.

Mark, on the other side of the country, looked at his hand kissed by Haechan and jolted his lips on it. Placing his hand on his mouth, he drifted to sleep under the same moon protecting his Haechan.

------

Mark came home with the lily blossoms with lifted toes in order to not wake Haechan from his sleep. Keeping the luggage and flowers on the table, he opened the door quietly and saw Haechan in flesh for the first time in many days, snoring softly, with the pillow hugged to his chest. A smile reached Mark's lips.

He reached out to the bed, laying down beside him and kissed his hair from behind. Just as when he was about to pull his body towards him-

"Thief," Haechan shouted alarmed, covering the opposite person with his blanket. Before Mark could speak out about his misunderstanding, Haechan hit him with the paperweight on his nightstand and punched his shoulder, simultaneously kicking his stomach.

"How the fuck do you dare to enter my house, bastard? It's just the early morning," Haechan shouted, gritting his teeth trying to reach for his phone.

"Haechan, On the fucking lights" Mark called out tiredly.

"Wha- how do you know my na- no my name is not Haechan. Who the hell do you think you are huh-"

Mark opened his blanket, glaring at Haechan as he turned on the lights out.

"Mark?" Haechan asked incredulously, and took a moment to realize that it was Mark who had come to his room, "Dude, what the heck? I thought-"

"That it's a thief," Mark sighed, rubbing his forehead in pain, "Is this going to happen all the time, Haechan? You punching me?" He sat down, groaning.

"What? Aren't you supposed to come tomorrow? And why would you come to my room early in the morning like a creep?" Haechan attacked him instead.

"I hate you, I was planning to surprise you but fuck you," Mark shook his head pouting.

Haechan opened his mouth in understanding but being unable to find anything, he came and sat towards Mark, rubbing his shoulder, trying not to laugh, "Sorry."

"When Jaemin did the same thing, you didn't do anything but you had to punch me, right?"

Haechan was fully laughing by then. Mark gave up and laughed back. After a few minutes, Mark took Haechan to the hall and asked him to sit down on the couch. Haechan complied.

Nervously (equally, excited), Mark pulled out the flowers and gave them to Haechan. Haechan smiled cheekily, but didn't say anything and raised his brows teasingly.

Mark started off, awkwardly, "So yeah, you told me right? The letter you gave, I hope you got my answer."

Biting his lips, smiling, Haechan nodded, "So, say it aloud, then."

Mark blinked for a second and flushed away his embarrassment, and confessed, confidently smiling, "I love you, Haechan."

Haechan smiled, "Me too," and asked Mark to sit beside him. He put the flowers aside to face Mark, and asked him, "So, what's the sudden change of attitude? Not scared anymore?"

"No, because you are here. With me, always," Mark said, looking into Haechan's eyes, fondly.

Haechan smiled, a bit shy this time. Then Mark pretended to think for a while and said in a thoughtful tone, "And I figured, your lips could taste better than the paper you gave me, so yeah."

"Really?" Haechan said, voice mortified, moving forward towards Mark.

Mark nodded casually, not backing off.

"How did you figure it out?" Haechan smirked, scooting closer, holding Mark's neck while caressing his cheek on the other side.

Mark flickered, as he felt Haechan's face inches away, and looked at the other sides with his cheekbones protruding outward.

Haechan said in a low voice, his desire deeply depicted in his tone, as he stared at Mark's lips, "Nobody's here babe, it's just the two of us."

"And a spider," Mark let out quickly in a louder voice causing Haechan to flinch and fold his legs in fright.

Mark saw his wide eyes in fear and laughed hysterically to prove his prank on Haechan. He clapped his hands and pinched his own ear, mouthing "sorry" but didn't seem to stop laughing.

Haechan looked at him with narrowed eyes, folding his arms, sulking.

In return, Mark pulled him into his arms laughing, causing Haechan to smile too. He closed his eyes, kneading his back, keeping him in the same position for some time, as Haechan kissed his temple with affection. Mark closed his eyes in the endearing feeling of fondness and content as Haechan stuffed his face into his neck.

Pressing his lips way up to his cheek, Haechan bit Mark's ear tightly; Mark squeaked back in irritation, "Asshole, you need to be in the zoo."

"You come too, let's be wild together."

"No thank you."

--------

"Don't always think I say "miss you" because I need money," Mark whined on his phone with his mother, "I mean, I do need money too, but I genuinely miss you so much, it's Christmas time."

Mark says "miss you" to his parents because he needs money and I ask for money because I miss them. Haechan thought.

Haechan noticed Mark hanging up and went to him, winking, and asked to help with the decoration stuff for Christmas. Mark promised to celebrate the festival with him and Haechan could only be obedient but also anticipated for the function. He helped him with hanging the bells, stars around their walls and pins. They quarreled over deciding whether a red or white theme would be used but later concluded with both colors.

"More colors, more beauty," Haechan said, looking at the house sides with hands on his waist.

"We must get up at 2 am, again," Mark informed him, picking up the papers on the floor.

"I literally sleep at that time, but okay," Haechan bobbed in affirmation.

Mark laughed and continued.

On the eve, Haechan and Mark ate loads and loads of fruit cake and Haechan got a stupid excuse to get drunk like an animal (Mark's words).

Last Christmas, Santa Tell me, Mistletoe, 12/24 and many Exo songs like first snow, Christmas Day were played by Mark on his guitar while Haechan sang them. They enjoyed humming and dancing to many songs, holding each other close and kissing under the mistletoe.

On the big day, Haechan volunteered to come to the church and Mark warned him of wearing nice clothes so that they don't have to embarrass themselves in front of everybody. Haechan sneered but wore one of his suits and walked to the church with Mark.

The priest took over the introduction as many young women sang a bunch of carols on the aisle.

The world was blessed with the birth of Lord Jesus who came into the world in the form of man to atone for the sins of humanity. He was born to Mary and Joseph, a virgin couple, a benign gift from angels sent from heaven.

"Mark?" Haechan nudged his shoulder beside him in curiosity, "Mary is a virgin?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Mark answered seriously while praying, still eyes closed, "Jesus was sent from the angels to the couple. Why?"

"You don't take any inspiration from her, okay? Joseph might be fine with it, I am not," he said.

Mark hissed, "Shut the fuck up, Haechan."

Haechan continued, "When we marry, let's come here. I like Christian weddings so much."

"Confidence much?"

"Very much."

"What do you know about Christian weddings except for the couple kissing?" Mark asked, inspecting. Haechan shook his eyelids with an open mouth, not knowing what to answer.

After a moment, Haechan gasped and muttered excitedly, "Oh, yes, of course. We both walk together to the aisle and the priest would ask you, "Do you, Lee Mark, agree to love Lee Haechan, the heartthrob, serial kisser and the serial killer of Lee Mark, for the rest of your life?" You would say "I do" and then we kiss."

Mark stifled a laugh, "There is a correction, you are a head throb, not a heartthrob."

"Now that's definitely a lie."

"If heart throb means pain in the heart and you die of heart attack, yes, you are a heart throb."

Haechan looked at him with narrowed brows and slapped his knee, "Very funny."

The obnoxious tone made Mark chuckle and pinch his cheeks.

As they came out, Haechan asked Mark, "Did you believe in Santa?"

Mark thought for a moment and shook his head, "No. I mean, I believe it in stories and stuff but I knew the presents were from my parents."

Haechan laughed. Summarising his events he felt pleased and when Mark gave him a bear keychain as a gift, Haechan hugged him saying 'thank you'. He tried to participate as much as he could because Mark missed his parents, and was glad that the snow didn't trouble them this time.

He kissed Mark and admitted to enjoying Christmas and made a word to celebrate with him in the following years. Mark felt glad and pleased and assured him that he prayed to God for both of their happiness. Haechan tried to perceive winter like a friend and with Mark's soft words and sweet smiles, he could discern the warmth of the summer starlight above his head.

Haechan wished his parents "Merry Christmas" through text and slept peacefully.

------

On New year, Haechan didn't know where his confidence and bravery came from, but he felt like he moved a step forward when he visited his parents.

When he came back home, he saw Mark dancing with his earphones on in the living room, cleaning the shelf. Haechan lips curved into a wide smile looking at Mark and the laughing Buddha.

Mark looked at him and smiled, “Baby, I like your style,” he sang.

Haechan giggled and walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, and when he came back, Mark walked towards him, “You know you gotta stick by me, soon as you see my text, reply me.” he continued singing.

Haechan raised his eyebrows. “You… you look so energetic, Mark…” he giggled.

“I don't wanna spend time-fighting… we have got no time.”

Haechan sighed, “I know you've been watching a lot of Tik Tok these days.”

Mark giggled and removed his headphones, “Happy New year, love,” he said, hugging Haechan. “I made new rules.”

Haechan laughed, “We don't-”

But before he went on, Mark dragged him towards the shelf. Haechan sighed and looked at the paper pasted.

“ Okay… Rule 1. Cleanliness is next to godliness. So, clean up your mess.
2. Sometimes sharing is caring, be it cooking or eating. Sharing is always caring, so, splitting the bills.
3. Taking turns to do the dishes, cleaning, and throwing the trash.
4. No visitors after 11 pm.” Haechan paused and looked back at Mark. “Again?” he yelled. Mark stood back, his hands folded against his chest, and didn't say anything.

“Ugh… Rule 5. No more fighting?!” Haechan said, in disbelief. “Okay, Mark, this-”

“And I thank you for agreeing to all the rules.” Mark smiled and walked towards the couch.

“No, when did I say that? No, Mark… Milk! Shitbag...this ain't it.”

Mark shrugged, “Well, I can't help it, Haechan.”

“I'm tearing this paper.”

“You're not, my love,” Mark replied, coming towards him. “Go ahead and do it. But, that comes with a price, would you pay for it?”

“A...what now?” Haechan asked, surprised.

“If you don't follow the last one, no more hugs, kisses, and snuggling.”

“That's bullshit.”

“Don't be a dipshit.”

But that didn't stop Haechan whining about it.

------

After a while, they sat together on the couch while Haechan had his head on Mark's shoulder, Mark asked, “So? How did it go?”

Haechan smiled, “It was good, Mark.”

Mark felt so warm and happy looking at Haechan. He left a peck on his forehead before Haechan went on saying, “I packed them my favorite cake, I haven't bought it or eaten it since my 13th birthday…but this time, I gave it to them…” he paused. “They smiled at me, Mark... visiting either of them in different houses, it's weird, but the feeling- it's the same thing. Their smiles gave me the same happiness…”

Mark smiled, playing with Haechan's hair.

“My mom kissed me on my cheek...just like how she used to. My dad...our fists bump, it's just like old days. I felt their love, Mark. My parents…”

Mark cupped his cheeks, “I'm proud of you,” he said, kissing his nose.

“I'm proud of myself too… thanks for sticking up with me,” he said, looking down. “Oh, by the way, my mom sent noodles, if you wanna-”

“Really? Why haven't you told this before?” Mark said, excited as he headed towards the kitchen before Haechan completed his sentence.

“I called Jaemin to ask if he would join me… but that fucker said he was on a date with his Junjun.”

Mark smelled the dish and closed his eyes, “This smells-” he said, devouring it. “And tastes divine…” he said with the noodles still in his mouth. Haechan giggled. “Oh my god- screw Na Jaemin...I'm having the whole thing myself. And I'm not caring to share.”

Haechan laughed, “He'll probably be mad at you…”

Mark shrugged, “Jaemin is a nice person, better than you, I suppose. So we'll sort it out.”

Haechan shook his head, “Asshole.”

---------

“Mark, it's the new year, can you keep that laptop away from you? I'm here talking about something…” Haechan whined, later that afternoon. When Mark was still lost in his laptop screen, Haechan got up and shifted to the couch nearby.

Moments later when Mark closed his laptop, he smiled as he looked at Haechan, he giggled softly as Haechan was focused on his phone, aggressively typing something while pouting. Mark checked his phone and the messages Haechan sent.

Sunny-Side up: Alright little shit. I'm not talking to you. I'm mad.

“You could just say that out loud, love,” Mark giggled.

Sunny-Side up: fuck you. Give your attention to your laptop, date that shit.

“But I don't think it would be as warm as you are,” Mark smiled.

Sunny-Side up: I don't care. Don't talk to me.

Mark giggled at the message and didn't say anything.

Sunny-Side up: HEY DON'T LEAVE ME ON READ.

“You just said "don't talk to me", Haechan,” Mark replied.

Sunny-Side up: Talk to me.

“Talk what?”

Sunny-Side up: okay never mind, shut the fuck up. You're annoying. Is the laptop more important than me?

Mark hummed. “Well… it pays me, so…”

Sunny-Side up: Traitor. Cheater. Sadist. I'll take revenge for hurting me like this.

“Okay, let me hug you.”

Sunny-Side up: you're playing with my feelings :( Haechan is sad. LEAVE ME ALONE

Mark sighed again.

Sunny-Side up: Hug me, pls :(

------

Mark and Haechan settled themselves on their balcony as they looked up at the night sky.

“Mark…” Haechan mumbled. “I love you.”

Mark smiled and kissed Haechan on his cheek, “I love you more.”

Haechan scoffed, “Okay, that's a lie.”

“Excuse me?”

“I loved you first, so, I love you more,”

Mark looked at Haechan questioningly, “You mean time decides who loves the most?”

“Certainly. Why not?”

“That's bullshit. I don't buy it.”

“Then don't. I said what I said. I love you more.”

“Tsk, I fought for us.”

“I was the reason why we are living. I cooked for us,” Haechan argued.

“Haechan…”

“I cried for us… I was worried for us, I wanted us to be together”

“Haechan-ah…”

“What?”

“We are breaking the no-fights rule again.”

Haechan signed, “Okay, now this is complete bullshit. I don't like the rule.”

“Not making rules Is horse shit. We have no control over things.”

“And we don't need to. Are you having second thoughts about us?”

Mark panicked, “N-no… I'm not. I want us as much as you want... it's just- I'm still not over what happened.”

Haechan sighed and looked back at Mark, caressing his cheek, he said, “Swinging between good and bad and not knowing what's going to happen with us also bothers me...but let's have faith.”

Mark smiled and nodded, “Let's have faith...on us,” Haechan smiled back before Mark went on, “We fought a thousand times, it doesn't matter if we fight another thousand.”

Haechan's smile grew wider, “Yes,” he said. “Mark, our last flight should be the fight of not fighting for each other.”

Mark's heart skipped a beat, he wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him closer to his chest while the beautiful moonlight shined on them. Their feelings wrapped in love for each other hoping for a vibrant future ahead.