Chapter Text
Xu Xialing knew she had every right to hate him, to despise him; how dare he leave her with their father, with that awful, abusive man? How dare he give her a promise, only to throw it away?
It’d felt good to fight him, to get those hits on him in that ring. Rage twisted her hands and feet and fell again and again. His distraught, confused expression did nothing to stop her -- these years of pain and neglect couldn’t be remedied by a too-late apology.
Despite it all, though, her heart hammered when she saw him again. She felt wicked, unwarranted relief. Felt happiness, maybe even peace, and she realized that her bitterness didn’t run as deep as it should’ve; felt good to be with him, to see him with someone as normal and kind as Katy.
“I was neglected. Shang-Chi was abused.”
“You were both abused, just in different ways.”
When she had nightmares, they were renditions of her mother’s final stand. She hadn’t actually witnessed it, not like her brother had, but her mind made it up to her, twisting the screams and noise into horrid, awful fantasies and realities. Shang-Chi would always wake her up, holding her close to his chest as they both cried.
Xu Xialing would never forget his eyes that night he came back with their father, but she was too young to understand, to sympathize.; voids of black, the lamps in the room shining off his tears. His suit had been rumpled and there’d been blood splashed on it, on his face, his hands. He cried that night, shook and sobbed, and every time he’d wake up from terrors he’d punch the bed, curling in on himself.
Now, he punched other things.
He wasn’t entirely great at hiding his emotions, or his feelings in general. She could count on him to work himself to death tirelessly whenever the night terrors returned, forgoing food and opting for a punching bag. It used to be the wooden pillar in his room.
Xu Xialing took note of how he refused to use the rings; they sat in their box on the highest shelf in his room, collecting dust most days. He trained with dragon-scale staffs and even dabbled in bows and arrows. Most nights, however, he held no weapon. Instead, the wind would dance around him, rustling his hair as he tried so desperately to find peace.
He fell in one of their spars, a week before she’d left for the compound. She’d wavered on the next hit, her fist hanging in the air, cold washing over her as he struggled to rise.
“I didn’t even hit you that hard.” Say something, idiot, she thought, clenching her jaw, just tell me what’s wrong.
He kept quiet, getting to his feet shakily. He looked angry; there was exhaustion in his eyes, shadows laid beneath them on his skin.
“Let’s stop.” You look sick. “We’ve done enough for today.”
He shook his head, brows furrowing. “No. We keep going.”
And so they did, for maybe ten more minutes. Xu Xialing would never tell him, but she was pulling her punches, watching as his acrobatics brought waves of sloppiness. She fell him again, trying to be more gentle this time, but couldn’t stop the grimace on her face when his head hit the mat.
“Again.”
“Shang-Chi, you need to stop. You’re sloppy, you’re just throwing yourself at me.”
“No.” He frowned, clenching his fists. “We’ve only been going at it for twenty minutes.”
It’s been... an hour? “You need rest. We can fight again in the morning.”
“I need to train --”
“For what?” Xu Xialing pressed, stepping in close. “You’re exhausted -- I’m going to keep winning, and you’re going to hurt yourself.”
He gave her a sour look before storming off. She’d find him later that night, playing with the wind, leant up against a tree. He almost looked happy, maybe even content, and for just a moment Xu Xialing thought she’d made some leeway earlier, but then the wind stopped and he shook, curling in on himself like he had when he was seven.
Katy popped out of nowhere, kneeling in front of him, resting her hands on his. She said something, rubbing his fingers, and he uncurled. Katy wrapped her arms around him and they sat, massaging his harm as he rested his head on her shoulder, small words leaving her lips, too soft for Xu Xialing to make out.
It felt wrong, seeing all this; she’d never seen her brother so mentally broken, so vulnerable. She hated her father even more in that moment -- she hated that she didn’t know how to help him, how to comfort him, not like Katy did.
Jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe what she was feeling, but it stung the same.
.-.-.-.
“He’s having nightmares.”
Xu Xialing sighed. “I know.”
“They’re bad.” Katy looked out to the morning sun, wringing her hands together. “He can’t sleep -- he wakes up, breathing hard, like he was underwater, or something -- and runs out, going back to train with the stupid fucking wind.”
“I think the wind soothes him.” She sat next to Katy on her bed, remembering the night before. “Or, he wants it to. I’m worried about him.”
“He’s so tired.” Katy stresses. “I’ve been trying to get him to go to the healers, to Nan -- they’ve offered to help. But he won’t listen to me.”
Xu Xialing grimaced. “Shang-Chi doesn’t know how to accept help, or how to take care of himself. Up until recently, his coping techniques involved punching a wooden pole.”
That earned a snicker out of Katy, but then silence took over. Xu Xialing’s belongings were packed, sitting in two bags in the corner of the room. Clouds shifted from outside her window, foxes yowling loudly. It was nice, for a moment; calm.
They both jumped when the yelling started; the distinct mound of metal and scales clashing filled the air, pushing the two women into action. Katy grabbed her bow and Xu Xialing her rope, practically flying out the door.
The sight that met them was gruesome. Blood littered the ground, the men, her brother; he whipped the scaled staff gracefully, knocking down many at a time, but she could see him failing. He kept tripping over his own feet, the staff slipping from his hands, his body hunched and sweaty.
“Shaun --Shaun!”
Katy’s scream was shrill, ear-piercing, but the blow came too quickly, overarching swiftly; the crack resounded, blood spewing wickedly from his neck and collarbone. Xu Xialing watched in horror as he crumpled, just barely catching himself with the staff before he could fall completely to the ground.
Two more hits made their way to him before anyone reached him; a long gash on his left leg, and a stab to his right side. Xu Xialing made quick work of the men, maining and killing without a thought, rope whipping gracefully through the air. Katy had gotten a knife at some point, slashing and stabbing at anyone who came near her and Shaun.
He was wheezing, holding his neck even as blood leaked through his fingers. Katy was mumbling something, some sort of chant, holding the wound in his side. Xu Xialing was deadly, efficient, whipping and slashing, but she froze at the sight of him, unable to move.
“Shang-Chi?”
“Shaun,” Katy whispered, pressing down harder. “Nan’s coming, you’ll be fine.”
He refused to look at her, instead staring toward his sister, tears trickling down his temples, blood a horrible red on his lips. Xu Xialing felt tears in her own eyes, and her hands had never shook so badly.
Nan and her healers showed up arely ten seconds later, heralding the group. Katy and Xu Xialing were pushed away within milliseconds, losing sight of him as the healers surrounded him.
Katy was inconsolable; she kept muttering, kept staring at the door, unblinkingly, kept scrubbing at her fingers and palms even after Xu Xialing had washed them.
“Katy, you need to stop.”
“His neck,” she whispered, chanting again. “His neck -- the blood, his eyes…”
Xu Xialing grit her teeth, grabbing Katy’s hands. “He’ll be fine. Stop scratching at yourself, you’ll bleed.”
She narrowed her eyes, ripping her hands away. “Don’t fucking lie to me, you saw him, too, and you did nothing.”
Nan stepped out then, clearly having heard the exchange. Her hands were limp at her sides, faintly stained, a few nails chipped. “He’ll need to be watched. The blade cut deep, shattered his collarbone. The other two wounds will heal quickly.”
“Can I see him?”
Nan crossed her arms. “You can both go in at once. Then, you will leave him for the night to rest.”
Xu Xialing frowned, protesting. “You just said he’d need to be watched --”
“Not by you two.”
Katy winced, rubbing her neck. Xu Xialing turned her eyes to the ground, shame heating up her neck.
Nan looked remorseful then, the fire behind her eyes dimming. “He’s getting more sleep than he has in weeks, even if it is against his will; please be quiet when you go in there -- for his sake.”
Shang-Chi’s chest rose in a staggering rhythm, just barely managing to stutter on the release. His wounds were wrapped cleanly, a green paste visible beneath each bandage, and his chest was bare and full of bruises. His brows were creased, as if he wasn’t quite at peace, or even resting at all.
The two women sat in quiet for a long time, staring at him, worry and stress heavy on their shoulders. The room felt too cold, too stuffy, the air thick and frigid.
“I’ve never been more scared,” Katy whispered, :than when I saw that balde come down on him.”
Xu Xialing nodded, hands clenched in fists. “That doesn’t… I’ve never seen him get caught like that. He’s never defenseless.”
“Hard to be aware of your surroundings when you’re falling asleep.”
“I should’ve been there. I can’t believe anyone even attacked.”
Katy shook her head. “I got a good look at a couple of them -- stragglers from your father’s army. Must’ve been hiding, recouping.”
More silence, more unbreathable air. It felt as if a clock was ticking, ringing uncomfortably in Xu Xialing’s head.
“I’m sorry, for what I said earlier.”
Xu Xialing looked up, surprise on her face. “You weren’t wrong. I didn’t do anything.”
“No.” Katy shook her head, turning her eyes to her. “You got rid of the rest of them. You had a normal, human reaction to seeing your brother writhing on the ground, bleeding out. Your brother, Xu Xialing.”
My brother. My brother, dying, choking on his own blood.
It overwhelmed her then -- the grief, the fear, the horror of that morning and the past couple weeks; tears filled her eyes and fell quickly, ugly sobs escaping her barbed throat. Katy rushed forward and enveloped her in the warmest, safest hug Xu Xialing had ever received.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I was so scared.” She sniffed, feeling mucus in the back of her throat. “He just -- he looked at me, stared at me, and he was crying, too --”
Katy grasped her tighter, which was when Xu Xialing felt tears on her shoulder. She tightened her own grip, pulling at the fabric of her sweater, wanting nothing more than to scream.
“Thank you.” Was all that came out, shaky and wet. “Thank you, Katy.”
.-.-.-.
Her brother would take six days to wake up. In those six days, Katy and Xu Xialing had found a certain harmony, a sort of understanding, between one another. They took turns confiding, screaming, crying, and sometimes they did it together.
Xu Xialing was reading when he suddenly breathed in, sharp and deep, eyes blinking open. He tried to sit up, an alarmed look on his face, but the pain in his neck kept him down.
“Don’t move,” she whispered, pushing him down gently. “You’ve still got another couple weeks on that collarbone.”
“It fucking hurts.”
“Hm.”
He turned his head toward her, wincing even at that. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Not now that you’re awake.”
He sighed. “Thank you.”
Xu Xialing frowned. “What?”
“I…” Shang-Chi grimaced, losing eye contact. “For being there.”
He thought he was going to die. It was a shaky reality, a horrible, gruesome truth, and Xu Xialing felt so sad, so concerned, and so upset. “I hardly did anything; you should be thanking Katy.”
“I will. But, I just… it felt really certain, y’know? I love Katy, but I felt like I got to say goodbye to you, and I needed that more.”
She wanted so badly to hug him there, to hold him tight, just like Katy had with her. “Don’t tell Katy that.”
He shrugged, a small smile gracing his face. “She’d understand. She always understands.”
Four days later, when she was preparing to leave Ta Lo, Nan wheeled him out to her. His arm and neck were immobilized, pain still written clearly on his face, but he looked like he wanted to be there.
“Sad to see you go.”
Xu Xialing grinned. “I’m sure those men are going crazy. Someone’s got to corral them in.”
Shang-Chi smiled in return. “Come visit? Maybe send me an actual postcard this time?”
“Only if you promise to get some real rest.”
Silence hung like a heavy curtain in between them. He still looked so vulnerable, so ready to fall apart at any second, but the circles beneath his eyes were lighter, and despite the brace he held his head high.
She rushed forward without any more thought, kneeling and wrapping her arms around him. He stiffened between her grip, a slight groan escaping him, but he wrapped his good arm around her middle and laid his head on her shoulder.
“Love you.” He whispered, voice wavering.
Her throat was filled again, nearly to the brim. “Not more than I love you.”
Maybe they'd be okay again.