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Chapter Text

Charlie had spoken the truth when she told Rowena that she loved Sam and Dean as brothers. Despite how she was pulled into this world full of monsters and the consequences that that brought she didn't regret it for a second.

Because she got two brothers from it and she would die for them without a second doubt.

So she didn't attempt to run even as she heard the man pounding on the door, because she had cracked the code and she needed to send it as soon as possible. Because if she died without having sent what she found that could help Dean she would never forgive herself.

And she destroyed her laptop right afterwards.

The noise of course gave her location away and it wasn't long before the door was slammed open- and oh my God his arm was missing why wasn't he screaming?

Charlie held her small sword up. If she was going down she would go down swinging.

But she never expected the man to not react to being stabbed on the heart and to on top of that have such inhuman strength. His fingers curled around her wrist with such strength she couldn't help but cry out in pain.

Her eyes met his and she saw it.

This was it.

She was going to die. 

She was gonna die in the hands- hand of a cheap ass Winter Soldier in some crappy ass motel room.

And thus Charlie Bradbury threw a sliver of hope to the air.

After all there was nothing for her to lose at this point but her life.

~

-I could use a spell to help locate the girl. All you have to do is remove these.- Offers Rowena with her hands up for more emphasis. An innocent look plastered on her face as she said so.

-Silence.- Orders Castiel from his spot at the window without taking his eyes off the road hoping and hoping for Charlie to appear.

-I'm just trying to help you.- Says Rowena as if that was the whole truth of the world. As if she was the kindest soul in existence. Castiel scowls.

-I didn't ask for your help. Now be quiet.

-Rude.

Castiel ignores the witch. He was at the verge of leaving Rowena alone and searching for Charlie himself. He shouldn't had left her alone. He knew she hadn't felt comfortable and he knew humans had the habit to not be as okay as they claimed when forced to be in an uncomfortable environment. What if she got hurt? There were people after her due the book. What if-

"Castiel can you hear me?"

Castiel froze.

"Is there any chance you can make it to the blackbird motel? No? Okay. That's okay. Just checking."

No.

No .

Castiel grabbed his chest as the aching feeling that has been growing ever since he got his grace back stirred into a burning pinch. Harder to ignore.

Charlie was going to die.

Her voice told him so.

Charlie who he had been entrusted to keep safe.

She was going to die.

Someone was once again going to die under his care.

Charlie with her warm soul and her strong willed mind and her kind heart was going to die.

Charlie who had proclaimed him her best friend not even a minute after meeting him.

She was gonna die and she was praying for him.

He should have gone after her.

Rowena is talking but he can't hear her under the sudden noise of his grace rushing through his vessel. Something was off again . Charlie was in danger. CharlieCharlieCharlieCharlieCharlieCharlie Charlie-

No. Not one single soul was gonna die because of his mistakes. Not anymore.

Castiel doesn't know when. He doesn't know how.

But next thing he registers is himself leaping across a motel room and piercing through a rotten soul and he crushes it right between his fingers with a vengeance foreign to his own mind and self.

An inhuman scream echoes across the walls but he ignores it. He pulls the screaming human away and his fingers curl around hair, yanking without remorse or hesitation. The sound of bone snapping is loud to his ears, followed right after by the sound of skin tearing apart and gurgling. Then a thud as the head drops to the floor.

It's then and only then that Castiel removes his arm from the man and allows the rest of his body to join his head on the floor.

Castiel is panting and he feels like his back is burning but even then he turns his attention to the soul he came for.

Charlie is sitting in the bathtub pressing her hand against her abdomen, blood leaking through her shirt and fingers. She is staring at him with eyes wide and glazed. Shock, relief and surprise taking most of her features along with pain and a hint of disbelief.

Castiel is careful as he approaches her. And he bends down in order to reach out to her. Two fingers pressing against her forehead in order to heal her. He's pleased to feel the skin knit itself back together and the broken bones rearrange themselves back together and heal. Unlike with Amelia he did manage to heal Charlie.

Charlie was safe.

Alive.

-Did I ever told you how much I love you?- Tells Charlie letting out a breath and a chuckle, it was the kind of chuckle someone who just survived death would give. Because God it worked . She couldn't believe it actually worked. She wasn't dead. Castiel heard her and he saved her butt in the most badass way possible.

Castiel for his side tilted his head to the side at that but said nothing. He liked her too though he wasn't sure why would she chose to voice it in such situation.

-Would you like assistance to get up?- Offers the angel instead while holding his hand out for her to take, his clean hand. Charlie takes it quite grateful since she doesn't trust her legs' strength right now.

Castiel straightened up and held onto Charlie's forearms when her legs almost gave in at the sudden change in position. He was about to help her out of the bathtub when he noticed the pool of blood on the floor.

And despite how weak his limbs were beginning to feel Castiel didn't want her to step on that bloodied mess. Plus. He still held the strength to pick one single human up. So in one smooth move he swept a surprised Charlie up, one arm supporting her back and the other her legs.

If Charlie hadn't been processing her near death experience she would had protested at being carried out of there like a damsel in distress. On second thought she didn't want to step on blood thank you very much.

Castiel is careful as he puts her down on the bed which Charlie finds a bit amusing despite the situation. 

-Are you okay?- Asks Castiel as he steps away from Charlie. He doesn't feel good, there are a lot of questions swirling inside his head right now along with the fact that he is starting to feel.... odd. The aching in his grace was back and this time it seemed to be edging close to a sting rather than an ache.

Something was wrong but that wasn't important right now. He had healed Charlie but she still seemed.... off. He needed to make sure she was alright.

-I'm alive and unharmed.

The angel stared at her.

-Cas, I will be fine.- Assures Charlie mustering a smile to at least take the concern off the angel's face. That seems to do the trick for Castiel seems to relax a bit at her words and the unnatural swirl of power in his blue eyes seems to fade away. For the most part at least.

As Charlie looks around the dim lighted room she can't help but for a moment mourn the loss of her computer in the bathroom. The bathroom were despite the lack of light the pool of blood could be seen from her spot at the edge of the bed. Bloodied prints from Castiel's shoes staining the carpet.

And for a moment all she can see is the man looming over her with an arm piercing through his chest, fingers holding something like a dim lighted orb of fire with thick black and red cracks that oozed a disgusting ashen shimmering goo between them. And the fingers had wasted no second to crush it into nothingness. And that scream would haunt Charlie for the rest of her life . 

Because that had been the scream of a man being mutilated from the inside out while also being skinned alive and despite all part of her felt a bit bad at it.

And oh the angel hadn't been done with that. He had yanked the man back without removing his arm from his chest and grabbed his hair. Forcing his head back with such strength and speed Charlie had heard the bone snap and had seen the skin tear apart in less than two seconds. The sound of the man choking on his own blood echoing across the room.

All the while Castiel's eyes had shone a vibrant white rather than the blue from the books.

But who was she to ponder on the details when he had saved her butt?

God she had almost died. As if the gunshot hadn't been a wake up call. Part of her wanted to run and never turn back but the other part couldn't bring herself to do something like that. To leave Sam and Dean. Castiel who she had been dying to get to know personally rather than through the books or the brothers.

She had a family and she wasn't about to run away from them because of this, less much when they needed her so bad.

The bed sinking behind her brought her out of her thoughts. She turned to see the angel sitting across from her, his back to her and his attention on the broken door.

Charlie remembered that she had yet to thank him for saving her life. She was still a bit shaken but she was beginning to take a hold of herself.

-Hey, thanks for saving me.- She tells him.

-I'm sorry I didn't took your discomfort with Rowena more seriously. Sam had left Rowena alone before without problems, I'm sure that if I had insisted a bit more he would had let me come with you.- Told Castiel, guilt was clear in his voice and Charlie decided that that wouldn't do. If she had known the angel would end up blaming himself over her escapade she would had sucked it up.

So turning around and crawling over the bed she brought herself to sit at his side, throwing an arm around his shoulders and finding amusement in how the angel startled and gave her an odd look.

-Dude you just saved my butt don't apologize. I'm the one who ran off when I knew there were creeps who still believe that I have the book. I'm the one who got into this mess over one whiny witch. So, don't kick yourself over it.- Told Charlie patting his shoulder and hoping to get that kicked puppy look off his face.

-But-

-Sshhh.- Cut of Charlie putting a finger to his lips for more emphasis.- Haven't you ever heard that the victim is the one who chooses who to put the blame on? You can't break that rule.

Castiel stared at her uncertain but still gave her a nod.

That's when the familiar sound of the impala reached their ears. Charlie didn't waste a second to get up because knowing Dean he had to be at the verge of going all Rambo on someone and Sam must be suffocating in blame over her potential death.

And that wouldn't do.

~

Sam and Dean's arguing had come to a halt the second a flash of pure white light had flown above them like a fucking rocket of supernatural speed. A speed so great the trees at the side of the road had obliterated under the force and the windshield from the car had trembled .

Needless to say it was a disturbing thing that any other day would had sent the brothers on paranoia if it wasn't because Charlie's life was in danger. Dean could feel the Mark burning. His heart beating with unnatural speed at the idea of losing Charlie too.

Ellen, Jo, Rufus, Bobby, Kevin .

He had lost so much and he couldn't bear the idea of losing another one over a goddamn secret. What the hell was Sam thinking when he dragged Charlie into this damn mess? Couldn't people just fucking stop going behind his back to do things he didn't want them to do?

But all Dean's rage had died the second he hit the brakes infront of the motel and saw Charlie stepping over the broken door.

The door swung open and in four long strides he was pulling Charlie into a hug.

-Oh thank God.- Breathed out Sam when he caught sight of Charlie. His heartbeat now feeling less like it was about to jump out of his throat.

-Angel actually.- Corrected Charlie as Dean pushed her away enough to get a good look at her.

-Are you okay?- Asks Dean noticing the blood on her shirt.

-Yeah. Cas found me.

-Cas is here?- Questions Sam as he approaches Charlie to make sure that she was fine with his own two eyes.

-Yeah. I kinda gave it a shot to that of praying. Didn't think it would work but it did. He took care of the guy. Remind me to never piss him off.- Told Charlie as Sam walked over to the room and stepped over the broken door.

-Cas?- Called Sam as he approached the angel sitting on the bed with his head bowed and one sleeve soaked in blood along with his hand. The angel seemed to struggle to glance up at him. He looked exhausted.

-Hello Sam. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with Rowena. - Apologized the angel and despite all Sam found himself patting his shoulder.

-It's fine. You did good, you saved Charlie.- Told Sam gratefully as he spared the bathroom a glance where despite the lack of light a body could be seen laying in a dark pool of what he had no doubt was blood. Now that he noticed there were shards of glass scattered across the floor. No window or light had been left intact.

Even the TV held a cracked screen.

And Sam knew for a matter of fact that this wasn't a Styne's doing but an angel's.

-Come on Cas let's get out of here.- Told Sam offering his hand to the angel who after a moment of hesitation took it.

Charlie and Castiel were left in the backseat of the impala while Sam and Dean got rid of the evidence.

After that the ride to the bunker was spent in complete uncomfortable silence though Castiel didn't paid that much attention.

His grace was back to aching. No. Stinging. He wanted to scratch it off his vessel.

And there was a phantom throb on his back that just shouldn't be there. Right below his shoulderblades. As in right below where his wings sprouted from.

It was an odd ache. 

As if something was missing.

His broken wings were aching more than when he got his grace back and if things couldn't get worse he felt so tired which made no sense at all because he had his grace back and he shouldn't be able to feel something as human as exhaustion. 

Castiel chose to rest his head against the window and focus on the souls in the car. Bright and warm. Familiar. Safe . He must had fallen asleep because next thing he knows a hand is shaking his shoulder and there's a voice calling his name. He flinches.

-It's okay it's just me.- Charlie is quick to speak before the angel has any thoughts about lashing out for being startled. Her hands raised in a peace manner.

-Charlie...? My apologies.- Tells Castiel squinting his eyes and taking on the person before him. 

-I thought you didn't slept.

-I don't.- Frowns the angel almost surprised at his own previous state.

-Are you two coming?- Calls Dean sharply from his spot not far from the impala. Sam was already inside.

Charlie gaves Castiel an odd smile before climbing out of the car. It's not until the angel climbs out that he understands the meaning behind Charlie's smile.

Dean was mad. 

And his face told Castiel that there was gonna be a lot of arguing soon.

Which meant he wouldn't be able to sleep for a while longer.

Dean for his side waited until both Charlie and Castiel had entered for him to step inside the bunker, door slamming shut behind him. Despite all climbing down the stairs with them both infront of him calmed some of his nerves but it did nothing to dim the anger inside him.

-Sit down.- Commanded Dean as he pointed at the map table where Sam already sat. He looked guilty and guilty should he look.

Neither Charlie nor Castiel had to be told twice in order to do as told.

-Now. I'm gonna say this once and only once. Whatever the hell you have going on here between you three you are going to shut it down you hear me? You are gonna shut it down before someone else gets hurts.

-Dean-

-No! Charlie you almost got yourself killed because of it tonight.- Cut off Dean harshly, nostril flaring.- I told you all to leave it alone! But no! You all went behind my back. You Sam went behind my back and pulled them both into this. You almost got Charlie killed because of it.

-He didn't pull me into this. I chose to help because I didn't want to watch how that thing turns you into something you aren't.- Defends Charlie matter of fact. And she had cracked the code to read the book.

-True. Dean we are trying to help you. The Mark is changing you.- Tells Castiel which gains him a hard look from Dean.

-At what cost? Because that kind of magic doesn't come for free. It comes with a price that you pay in blood.- Snaps Dean.

-So what? Are we suppose to watch you die? Is that it?- Asks Sam, why couldn't Dean understand that he was doing what Dean would do in his same situation? They could deal with whatever came afterwards right after the Mark was removed as they had always done.

-The Mark isn't gonna kill me.- Reminds him Dean.

-Maybe not. But when it's done with you you will no longer be you anymore.

Dean doesn't answer. He can feel the anger swirling inside his chest, hot and unforgiving. Because why couldn't they understand and leave it be? 

He glanced at Cas who was staring back at him with a firm look plastered on his face.

Dean wanted to grab him and shake some sense into him. 

Of the three persons in the room his best shot to make sure this was shut down would be the angel.

-Cas. Can we talk?- Dean made sure to keep his tone neutral as he spoke. Castiel frowned at that.

-Dean-

-Shut up Sam. Cas? 

Castiel wasn't sure what did Dean expect from speaking with him alone but he didn't complain. Maybe he would be able to convince him. So sending Sam a quick reassuring look he got up and followed Dean out of the war room.

He followed him to his room where Dean closed the door right behind him. Turning to look at him with crossed arms.

-Cas. You already saw what happened with Charlie back there. What would have happened if she hadn't prayed?

-Dean-

-She would have died Cas. That's what would have happened.- Cut off Dean sharply.- She would have died and all because you all chose to work on something that I believe I explicitly said to not do. You went behind my back to aid Sam.

-We are trying to help you.

-Charlie almost died because of it!

-But she didn't. I saved her.

-Oh so what? You want me to give you a damn trophy? She wouldn't have had needed you to save her if you had come to me when Sam asked you to help him lie to me!

-We are trying to cure you.- Snapped Castiel. Father why did Dean had to be so infuriating?

-I didn't ask you to cure me. I'm good .

-No. You are not. Maybe you could fight the Mark for years, maybe centuries like Cain did but you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn. And you will turn. Sam. Everyone you know. Everyone you love. They could be long dead, everyone except me. I'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So if there is even a small chance that we can save you then I won't stop. 

-You think you have a choice?- Asks Dean raising an eyebrow.

-I think the Mark is changing you.

-You are wrong.

-Am I?- Asks Castiel narrowing his eyes. Of all things he expected having Dean grabbing fistfuls of his trench coat and slamming him against the wall wasn't one of them. His fingers curled around his wrists by reflex.

-You listen to me and listen to me closely. I don't care what Sam said you bring me that book and you destroy it right infront of me or so God help me. 

-Dean I can't do that. The Mark- 

-Forget about the damn Mark!

-I can't do that either Dean. I'm not gonna bring the book to you. 

-No? 

Castiel saw the change in Dean's soul instantly. The change in his eyes. 

Part of him knew what was coming and still he spoke.

-No. You are my friend Dean.

Castiel's answer is a surprisingly strong shove from the wall to the ground. The strength ensued is so unexpected he fails to catch himself. Dean stalks towards him.

-Dean-

A punch to the face cuts Castiel off. Dean grabs the back of his head and forces him to straighten up enough to gift him a knee to the stomach. Shoving him against the wall once again. This time Castiel keeps his balance enough to dodge a punch and sneak behind the Winchester. Hugging him from behind and straddling his arms against his chest as he had done when Dean was a demon.

-Dean stop. I don't want to hurt you.

The angel's words fell on deaf ears as Dean headbutted him hard enough that Castiel felt his nose break. Dean grabbed him once again and slammed his face against the nightstand. Once. Twice. Thrice.

And Castiel's grace burnt to lash out.

Castiel once again got shoved to the ground, pain blazing across his face.

-Dean stop. No.- His voice came out strained with pain but the Winchester didn't hear. He bend down and to Castiel's panic grabbed his wrist. Pulling the angel blade out and grabbing his tie as he straddled him against the floor. Castiel's hand grabbed his wrist.

If Dean killed him now he would feel so bad afterwards.

-Dean no. No.-The angel blade was raised and at that moment the door slammed open. 

-Dean!

Sam leaped.

But he wasn't fast enough.

Dean brought the blade down with unforgiving force.

A shout echoed across the room. Lights flickering as Sam threw himself at Dean's back and straddled his arms against his chest with a strength he never thought himself to possess. Pulling his brother off the angel and forcing him to step back to a safe distance.

Castiel's cry along with Sam's arms seemed to wake Dean up from his induced rage and bloodlust because the next expression he was wearing was one of pure horror and realization.

Charlie didn't waste a second to run to the angel's side. Kneeling on the floor and watching in both horror and panic the bright light filtering through Cas' fingers where he had pulled the angel blade from. His breathing was coming out strained and he seemed to be as edging towards panic as Charlie herself was.

-Charlie get him out of here.- Tells Sam finding his voice. Gaze fixed on Castiel's bloody face and the hand pressed against his shoulder. His heart was threatening to jump out once again. When he first heard the noise he had thought Dean to be throwing stuff around. But then the noise became too loud to be just stuff being thrown around.

Sam had expected to find Castiel and Dean fighting.

But the sight of Dean straddling a wounded angel while holding the angel blade with all the intent on killing had been a hundred times worse.

Not being quick enough had stopped his heartbeat for a solid moment.

He watched Charlie help Cas up with nothing more but a grunt from the angel who held the bloodied angel blade on his free hand. Sam tightened his grip on his brother when he felt him attempt to move.

-Dean no.- His voice is a firm whisper for Dean to hear only.

He only released Dean when Charlie and Castiel had left. Door closing behind them.

-Dean what the hell was that? If this is because of the book Cas had nothing to do with it I was the one who pulled him into this. He had no idea what was I planning until two days ago.- Sam felt the sudden urge to say because if this was because of that then he needed to let Dean know because the last thing he needed was to be the reason for Castiel to end up killed for the wrong placed blame.

Dean didn't answer.

He was more focused on staring down at the blood on his knuckles. Castiel's bloodied face and weak voice as he beat him.... He felt a wave of nausea hit him like a rollercoaster as an image of beaten Charlie flashed in his head.

And Dean found himself running towards the bathroom in order to throw his whole insides into the toilet. Cain's words resonating inside his head. 

"Then you are gonna kill the angel, Castiel."

He almost killed his best friend. The same friend who had saved his ass more times than he could count and put himself on the line of fire for him and Sam. 

And the worst thing of all was that Cas hadn't even fought back. 

Cas who could have given him the same fate he gave to that Styne guy had done nothing but let Dean beat the crap out of him. God he stabbed him.

"You are my friend Dean. I don't want to hurt you."

Another wave of nausea hit him and he retched as bile once again rose up. Burning through his throat and nose.

Sam is at his side rubbing his back. And Dean wants to scream at him to fuck off but all he can think about is beaten Charlie and beaten Castiel. Both times he hadn't cared about a single thing but to see them bleed and hear their screams. Feel the bones crunch beneath him. Steal the life out of their eyes.

Man this was so messed up.

And as he spat one last time into the toilet he spoke. 

-Sammy. I want this damn thing off more than anyone else but what's the point in that if those around me will end up getting killed for it? You can't ask me to sit back and let others put their necks out for me.

-You would do the same. Also, Charlie cracked the code. We can read the book now. I know that magic that big doesn't come for free but right now that's our best shot to get rid of the Mark before it gets worse. We will deal with the consequences later as we always do.

Dean doesn't say anything but the way his shoulders grow lax in defeat let Sam know he won.

~

Sam and Dean found Charlie and Cas at the map table. The latter sitting on one of the chairs shirtless and frowning. A first aid kit sat on the table and a flustered Charlie stood behind the angel fighting to sew the gash on his shoulder.

Cas' face was healed as if he hadn't been beaten to a pulp not even 15 minutes ago but Dean guessed a wound from an angel blade wouldn't be as easy to heal. 

Charlie and Cas looked up as Sam cleared his throat. The first sparing Dean a glance before seeming to catch something in his gaze.

-Would you do the stitches? Stitching myself was hard enough as it was without experience.- It took Dean a moment to realize Charlie was talking to him and not Sam. Another moment to walk over to the duo. Cas didn't react at all to him, his face as calm as ever as he watched him approach.

Charlie passes Dean the needle and pats his chest reassuringly before walking over to Sam with who she disappears into the library.

Meanwhile neither Dean nor Cas speak for a while. Dean allows himself to submerge into the familiar art of stitching up a wound. It did nothing to quell his guilt though. 

The fact that he had been so gone he had stabbed right through the angel's shoulder was nauseating. Even now he could still see the familiar blueish glow from grace leaking through the gash.

-How are you feeling?- He finds himself asking as he finishes stitching and moves to start the one in the front. Cas doesn't look at him but at his hands working to which Dean is grateful for he wouldn't be able to hold his gaze.

-I will heal.

-That doesn't answer the question.

-Dean. It wasn't your fault. You had all the right to be mad but I know that the Mark was the one who made you do what you did. I don't blame you. But if it helps somehow I forgive you.

No. 

Those words didn't help at all.

It was Charlie all over again. 

He grabbed the scissors and cut the string after making sure it was secured. All the while avoiding the angel's eyes who was now staring at him. 

Dean tried to step back because he could feel the damn honesty in the angel's voice and gaze and God could someone teach the damn bastard how to hold a grudge and not be so friggin' forgiving of all?

But Castiel grabbed his arm and the touch sent a jolt of .... something that struck the Mark like an army of needles and got the whispers to dim out. 

-Dean. Please don't blame yourself for things you have no control over. If it makes you feel better take it as payback for when I beat you in that alley.

The humor in his voice is enough to get Dean to meet his gaze and the second their eyes meet the second he notices it. 

Aside from the fact that the angel looks more exhausted than Dean had ever seen him there was a white flow of something swirling inside the blue. 

That was odd.

And it filled him with a sudden urge to scratch at the Mark until the skin was raw. 

-Don't leave the bunker. There's hundreds of rooms in here and you look like crap.

-You... want to give me a room?- Asks Cas tilting his head to the side and frowning with a deep in thought look. As if he was trying to find out if this was suppose to be a joke, sarcasm or some kind of reference.

And man if that didn't stung. He knew he hadn't given him reasons to believe he was welcome here let alone been that much of an acceptable friend but Dean had never been one to do feelings nor good at all in showing people he actually cared and wasn't being a dick because he wanted to be it. Sam was the sensitive one not him.

-Sure. Come on.- Is all Dean says clasping the angel's uninjured shoulder before starting to walk away. He was still pissed about a lot of things and he wasnt 100% convinced about using the book of the damned but at least everyone was alive and here.

He could work with that.

Castiel for his side grabs his clothes and follows after Dean. His shoulder felt odd and so did his grace and all he wanted was sleep. The idea of a room sounded pleasing right now despite the fact that he shouldn't even need a room in the first place.

But the sentiment was nice... it made him feel like he could come back whenever he wanted rather than wait for the brothers to call for his aid on something.

Like he had a home to come back to.

~

-Where's Cas?- Is the first thing that leaves Sam's mouth the second Dean steps into the library. Alone .

-I gave him a room.

-You gave him a room...?- Asks Sam raising both eyebrows, he could had sworn on his life that Dean had already given Cas a room since that was the most logic thing to do.

-Yeah. Dude looked like he could use some sleep and it's not like we don't have rooms to spare. Man I had never seen someone fall asleep that fast.

-I thought angels didn't need to sleep. He was sleeping on our way back too.- Charlie's words got both brothers frowning. Because that was true, Castiel got his grace back which meant he shouldn't be doing human things. Why was he sleeping then?

-We all have had a long day. He got a shitty one. I think he is entitled to sleep it off.- States Dean at the lack of ideas that would explain the angel's odd behavior.

A moment of silence.

-What about you? How are you feeling?- Asks Charlie noticing the edges of guilt still bathing Dean's face.

-I'm fine. What about you? How are you doing? Did that bastard did anything else?

-I'm fine. Still processing the near death experience at the hands of a Frankenstein which is cool in its own way.- That got Dean and Sam giving her looks of both disbelief and mild amusement. 

Leave it to Charlie to get excited over her almost killer's identity.

-I'm also processing the fact that I cracked the code of an ancient malevolent book of spells.  And I think Cas may had quite literally ripped the soul out of that guy and crushed it to nothing. Can angels do that?

-I don't think so. Maybe? Are you sure it wasn't his heart?

-Dude. It was glowing. So unless he was Tony Stark I doubt that was a heart.

-Huh. 

In retrospective if angels could both touch and brand souls what was stopping them from also being able to rip them out?

And as Charlie had said earlier.

Better never piss off Castiel.

Dean knew that one better than anyone.

Chapter Text

Castiel woke up to a strange pressure in his head.

It itched and he wanted nothing more but to claw at it.

A̸r̸e̸ y̸o̸u̸ s̸u̸r̸e̸ a̸b̸o̸u̸t̸ t̸h̸i̸s̸?̸

O̸f̸ c̸o̸u̸r̸s̸e̸.̸ W̸h̸a̸t̸ c̸o̸u̸l̸d̸ g̸o̸ w̸r̸o̸n̸g̸?̸

He tensed up at those glitched whispers that seemed to creep from the back of his head. Flowing through cracked shadows he couldn't reach past.

Something was off.

He could feel it but he couldn't quite understand what it was.

He felt his vision zoom out for a moment and pain prickle in his head. And his shoulder burnt.

Something was off with his grace.

Not for the first time he wondered if Metatron had done something to it.

W̸h̸a̸t̸ i̸f̸ t̸h̸e̸ a̸r̸c̸h̸a̸n̸g̸e̸l̸s̸ f̸i̸n̸d̸ o̸u̸t̸?̸

T̸h̸e̸y̸ w̸o̸n̸'̸t̸.̸  

Castiel closed his eyes as the glitched whispers kept clawing their way through raw cracks. Stinging. Making him wince.

Something was so wrong.

Castiel flinched and sucked in a sharp breath when his grace stirred without his consent.

He picked at the edges of his grace and alarm seized him when he felt something ancient stir within. He sprung to his feet, hand flying to his shoulder when the action brought a spark of pain to it.

Something was inside him.

He could feel it crawling like spikes under his skin, scratching at his grace and picking at the cracks in his mind. It felt wrong.

He had to get out of here.

Stepping out of his room wasn't as hard as attempting to walk down the corridors. Because the floor felt wrong and his grace felt wrong and everything felt so wrong. The walls were spinning and he ended up stumbling and having to lean against the wall in order to not face plant.

His grace was scratching at his mind. And it burnt.   Each breath he took felt like a kick to the sternum. And he had to actually shake his head in order to focus his vision back to the matter at hand.

He had to get out of here.

Because even though he wasn't sure what was happening he was sure of one thing.

He didn't want something ancient and unknown near the brothers or Charlie.

Dean had enough with the Mark.

He had to get out of here but the walls wouldn't stop spinning . And the floor wouldn't stop moving . And as his vision zoomed out once again part of him thought that the soul of this body had taken control.

But then he remembered.

Jimmy Novak was no longer with him. 

But it felt like he was riding his vessel from the backseat. Small. Confining. 

It felt like being trapped in one of Gabriel's silent rooms. Like being strapped down onto Naomi's table. Like riding inside a car.

That ancient thing was touching him and it felt so wrong.

Because it felt like something he didn't knew he had missed and that was enough to fill him with a fear he had never once in his life felt.

He wanted it out.

He didn't knew what Metatron did but he wanted it out. He should have known that Metatron would have had a backup plan. That he wouldn't give him his grace back without tricks. He wanted whatever it was out.

He curled his fingers as he felt the pressure in his head start pounding.

And the lights above him flickered.

He needed to get out of here before Sam and Dean realized something was wrong.

If he could just move .

His broken wings shifted behind him as he pushed himself off the wall. He had to get out of here. Had to leave before it was too late. So using the wall to hold himself up he began walking. And it still felt like he was riding his vessel from the backseat.

Castiel gritted his teeth and a hiss escaped from deep within him as a wave of pain rippled across his entire form, making him stumble and almost give in to the overhelming need to lay down and curl.

Because that thing was now scratching at his true form and it felt so raw and sickening his shoulders began shaking and he found himself having to swallow past the knot in his throat.

He shouldn't have trusted Metatron.

He shouldn't have chose to think about what happened tonight with Charlie when he was feeling less weird.

Castiel stumbled out of the corridor and it took him a moment to realize there were no walls for him to support himself with. His legs buckled and he crashed on the ground. Landing on his injured shoulder wasn't as bad as hitting his head.

Because the impact seemed to rattle him to the core and a booming flow of glitched voices rang across his mind. Voices so loud and cracked he couldn't make a single word out and it hurt . He pressed his hands against his ears in an attempt to muffle them out but it did nothing.

He wanted it to stop.

And when the booming voices died down he struggled to get up, but all he managed was to sit on his legs, panting and staring at the blurred ceiling that wouldn't stop zooming in and out. Head pounding and sweat trickling down his face. Shoulder burning and if something was clear the stitches must had busted.

Ah Dean would be so mad about that.

And then that ancient thing pulled at his grace. Raw and fierce and so wrong . It sent white flashes into his field of vision and he found himself digging his fingers into his forearms in a vain attempt to sooth the unfamiliar presence. Bile rose up and he hunched over with a gag. Retching.

Light mixed with blood was what came out as vomit.

What did Metatron do?

What was happening?

He crawled away from the vomit in mild disgust. Flashes of white edging on his vision as he did so. And the movement just served to send a jolt of pain across his arms and chest, making him stumble and curl in on himself, forehead pressed against the floor as his shoulders trembled. Ragged breaths heaving out as tears prickled at the corner of his eyes.

Why wouldn't it stop?

And then. As if the agonizing state he was in wasn't enough the ancient thing stabbed the glitching whispers that were crawling out from the shadows of his mind.

And he screamed. 

Part of him heard glass breaking but he didn't care. Because it burnt . Holy fire has been ignited and it was melting his grace and his inside and Father it burnt. God it burnt . He tried to breathe through the pain but the lungs he never thought to use again burnt as if flames were licking through them. He gasped and coughed as the agonizing pain tore across his whole true form like a wave of endless aftershocks. Pulsating. Burning. Father the fire was so hot.

Castiel fought the urge to lurche forward and throw up for a second time as he swallowed past the bile and fell on his side. And the fire wouldn't stop spreading. Another scream ripped out and his true voice pierced once again through his vessel's vocal cords making him cough up blood. It burnt.

It burnt Father it burnt.

He curled in on himself in an attempt to dim out the fire but his grace wouldn't stop burning. Wouldn't stop melting his insides and tearing his whole mind apart leaving so much pain and agony in its wake. Whimpers and strangled whines left his vessel. Because his insides were ablaze and his head was splitting apart and all Castiel could hear were screams. All he could feel was pain. Fire fire fire and it wouldn't stop burning. 

His control was teetering on the edge of failing as the fire refused to be put out.

Father what did Metatron do?

~

The first sign that something was wrong were the flickering lights and Charlie was the one who first noticed it considering she was still awake. 

But the bunker was warded to the core which meant she would have to get this room a new light bulb first thing tomorrow morning.

But then her computer started glitching.

Ghost.

Charlie sprinted out of her bed and lunged for her iron crowbar.

And that's all she got to do before a skin crawling metallic whining pitch filled the air. She knew that sound. She had read about that sound.

An angel's voice.

Charlie Bradbury was sure of one thing though.

The books had done no justice describing the actual sound.

An eerie shriek boomed across the bunker, making Charlie flinch and smack her hands against her ears at the speed of light. But it didn't matter how much she shielded her ears the piercing sound rumbled across the place and up her bones with a loudness she never thought possible. Threatening to split her skull apart and tear through her brain.

And all Charlie could think was one single thing.

God were you drunk when you created the angels?

~

Sam and Dean had leaped out of bed the second that familiar metallic whining pitch filled the air.

A thousand questions popping up.

But the furthest from their rooms the brothers got was to their doorframes before they were forced to shield their ears as the shriek boomed across the bunker, light bulbs across the hall exploding into a million pieces that dropped to the floor like a shimmering rain of glass.

And it was then, as the infernal pitch crawled up their bones and stabbed their skulls that Sam and Dean came to a blood curling realisation.

This wasn't an angel talking. 

This was a fucking scream. 

And when the sound stopped it left them with their ears ringing and bleeding. Heads pounding.

Charlie appeared from down the hall with her ears bleeding and holding a crowbar.

-What the hell is going on?- Shouts Charlie in hopes to hear her own voice over the ringing in her ears but Sam and Dean's faces tell her neither of them have a clue of what the fuck did she said.

The sight of her alive and fine is all Dean needs in order to set off to where the source of the sound seemed to come from. His grip on his gun is fierce and he can feel his chest burning with incoming rage. The Mark doing nothing to sooth his murderous intent.

Because the bunker was the safest place for anyone and everyone. No one could find them here. Which meant that voice had belonged to Cas.

Castiel. 

An angel.

His friend almost brother.

Screaming. 

Another scream rippled across the bunker but unlike the first this one cut off almost instantly and it filled Dean with pure hot rage.

But the second Dean came within earshot the second he felt his grip on the gun grow loose as he was hit with the most heart wrenching sounds he had ever heard in his life. Like the whimpers of an agonising animal but worse.

Oh so much worse.

And the sight he got wasn't any better.

Castiel was curled on the floor shaking so hard that for a moment Dean thought he was having a seizure.

-Oh God.- Sam strode past Dean at the speed of light, putting his gun away and kneeling beside the agonizing angel.

-What's happening to him?- Asks Charlie as she takes on the horrific sight of the angel on the floor, the sounds coming out of him making her heart break.

-I don't know. Cas? Cas can you hear me?- Calls Sam touching the angel's shoulder, there was blood on the floor from both his shoulder and mouth and why was this happening?  

All he got from the angel was a strangled sound and a ringing in the air that didn't quite reach the metallic whining pitch.

Dean was at his side in less than a second. The sound having snapped him back to the present.

-Cas. Buddy hey hey hey.- Called Dean grabbing his face, ignoring how the contact sent a jolt of crippling pain to the Mark. Blinding white eyes fluttered open and the angel's hand shot up to smack Dean right on his chest. And it felt like a hundred vines of pure iron on fire just squeezed something deep within his core.

-Dean!

~

Dean woke up to a burning sting on his cheek and a curse from Sam. And as he forced his eyelids open he came face to face with the worried expression of his brother hovering over him.

-Thank God.- Breathed out Sam in relief.

-Hiya Sammy. What did I miss?- He asks as Sam helps him sit up. He was on the couch he notices.

-How are you feeling?- Asks Sam instead. When Castiel hit Dean the last thing he had expected was for his brother to gasp like he had been stabbed and then promptly pass out.

-I'm... fine.- Frowns Dean as he grows aware of how less on fire his chest was. If all there was a persistent warmness that seemed to almost buzz inside him.

And the whispers were gone.

By reflex he pulls the sleeve up and his breath catches in his throat. He heard Sam suck in a sharp breath at his side.

There was a set of Enochian sigils right across the Mark. Glowing a pure shade of gold with silver and blue edges.

-The hell?

-Did Cas did that?

-How the hell am I suppose to know? Wait. Where is Cas?- Asks Dean as he realizes the angel is nowhere to be seen.

-He passed out after doing whatever the hell he did to you. Charlie and I got him back to his room. She's with him... Dean I think there's something wrong with him.

-You don't say. Between the screaming and knocking me out I thought that was pretty clear.- Snaps Dean as he gets up to Sam's clear disapproval. Then something occurred to him and he turned to look at his brother.- Sam he didn't touch the book of the damned did he? Who the hell knows what that kind of book could do to an angel.

-Dean I'm not stupid of course he didn't touch it.

-He sounded fine when I spoke to him last time and now....

Sam suddenly felt his stomach drop as he came to a halt.

Last time he checked Cas looked fine. He was fine.

But then Charlie ran off and...

Did Rowena did something to him? But how? She was chained and with her magic restricted how could she manage to do something against Castiel?

-What is it?- Asks Dean as he notices his brother's face. 

-The last person he was with before he went to Charlie was Rowena.

-Rowena?- Repeated Dean feeling like smacking someone. With a chair. Sam hadn't just had the nerve to pull Charlie and Cas into this. No. He went and also dragged Rowena into this? And for the looks of it he had left Cas and Charlie alone with that bitch?

-Yes Dean. But she was chained with iron. She couldn't have done something to him.

-Is there something else that I should know? What's next? You have also dragged Crowley into this?- Snaps Dean and before Sam can answer Dean walks off. He needed to see Cas. Needed to know he was okay. 

Because the angel's screams and whimpers were something he doubted he would ever be able to forget.

And he also needed answers.

Answers on the why he could no longer feel the Mark.

~

Rowena was on her 17th attempt to find something to break the chains with when the phone Samuel had left for her began ringing.

She was tempted to not answer.

But she had better manners than that.

So with a sigh she swept the phone up and answered.

-Hello Samuel.

"What the hell did you do to Cas?"

Talk about rude people.

-I'm fine thanks for asking.- She answered instead.

"Rowena what did you do to Castiel?"

-The angel? I did nothing to him.

"You expect me to believe that?"

-If your memory fails Samuel I'm chained and therefore powerless. I did nothing to your angel. Whatever happened to him had nothing to do with me.

Her answer was the sound of the other line cutting off.

She stared at the phone for a moment.

-Rude. Not even a goodbye.

She had no clue what was that about but Rowena did knew something.

She hoped to never see the angel again. Because she had felt it.

The angel's presence had changed out of nowhere. When there had been a mild non-human aura a far rougher one had taken place. It had felt more overwhelming than anything she had ever felt. A power made to obliterate without hesitation.

Rowena hadn't survived this long not knowing when to avoid danger.

And that angel was without a doubt bad news. She had thought she would be able to manipulate him considering how rare he was. An angel who rejected heaven. 

But now her prior concern was getting out of here.

Because even with her magic bound as it was she had felt it.

The angel had a psychic ward on him. One she couldn't for the life of her recognize let alone read its purpose.

And it was coming undone.

Chapter Text

When Castiel came to be the first thing he registered was pain.

Raw and unforgiving.

But at least he wasn't burning alive from the inside out.

The second thing he took on were ones he would have favored to not register. His vessel felt sore in places it shouldn't be able to, his head was pounding and his grace felt like it was sizzling across his true form with rabid intent. It felt raw to a point where it was uncomfortable to even exist. He wanted it out and he wanted it gone.

But of course that couldn't be.

He would have to do as Dean liked to say and suck it up. No matter how unpleasant it was.

At least it wasn't as unpleasant as the stinging in his wings that throbbed with each pulse of pain from the depths of his mind.

The pain was almost unbearable and he didn't even understand the reason behind it.

More importantly.

Where was he? What had happened? He couldn't remember and trying to do so just hurt even more. His grace curled with such unknown spark it made his heart skip a beat. He couldn't focus. He couldn't remember. His head hurt.

That's when his senses began unclogging and the muffled voices around him along with their presences registered.

Three humans.

Two males. One female.

Three humans.

Focus.

He had to focus.

There was a hand on his forehead but unlike... someone.... this hand didn't reach into his head and tried to latch like poison into his memories for forgetting his mission. It didn't make him feel like he was about to blast out of pain if he didn't promise to stop acting without orders.

This one was oddly enough touching his vessel's hair which even if he didn't understand the reason behind it he found it comforting.

As comforting as her soul.

She was nice. He knew her but he couldn't place from where. Too many faces. Too many voices.

Someone important to him liked this soul.

He knew her he knew he did. Did he...? He didn't knew. He didn't knew a single thing.

His grace kept sizzling in that odd pattern. It felt foreign. Unfamiliar. Unknown.

It scared him.

He felt strange.

Wrong .

Like something was missing.

He needed to focus.

Three humans.

Two males. One female. Three souls. Bright. Pure. Loving. Protective. Caring.

Sam and Dean.

Charlie.

His grace.

Pain.

His true voice.

Glass breaking.

The bunker.

Dean was going to be so mad.

But the souls around him are so warm. The one at his side is timid but oh so full of hunger for love and at the same time so willing to give that same love without a doubt.

The one on his other side is so cracked that not for the first time Castiel finds himself wondering how it manages to not break apart. Empathy bleeds through the cracks like a never-ending river of bright warmness.

At his feets another soul looms.

Brightest of them all with dark traces embedded into it from its time in hell. And still it shines with an overhelming purity. A primal instinct to protect and help resonating off it.

And that soul had something else. Golden strings that he found himself attempting to make out.

But focusing hurt too much and now he could feel it even more.

That unfamiliar but oddly welcome spark in his grace was dying down.

He didn't knew why he did it but he tried to reach for it almost in a panic haze.

The stab of pain that pierced through his head and spot below his wings wasn't worth it.

It made him groan.

That sound alone got the muffled voice at his side come to halt along with the touch on his hair which part of him instantly missed. Even in this deplorable state he could feel the attention shifting towards him.

-Cas?

Dean was calling and he sounded concerned. Hopeful.

But as much as Castiel wanted to answer to his voice he couldn't. He felt more drained than he had ever felt in his entire existence. He wanted to ask what did Dean do to his soul. What had happened.

And none of those questions made it past his lips. All that came from him was another groan that he despised. He was an angel of the Lord he shouldn't be brought down by a headache.

He felt the hand on his head move to touch his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze as if to call for his attention.

-Castiel? Can you hear us?

The girl is talking. Charlie. He liked her. She was nice and she taught him games.

Ugh. The pounding in his head was back but at least the sizzling of his grace was gone along with the unfamiliar spark.

Part of him grieves it from some odd reason.

He can hear their muffled voices. Can hear the concern in their voices. The anxiety. The urgency.

He wants to help them but he doesn't know how.

All he can do is listen to their voices talking to each other despite the fact that a part of his brain has ceased to bother translating or even understanding what humans speak like. Part of him feels like there are questions and words sent his way.

He wants to answer. He really does because he hates to be the cause of their anxiety.

One word manages to stumble out after a few failed attempts.

And even then he isn't sure he said it right but something was something.

~

After morning came and no response came from Castiel Charlie had climbed on the bed with him and had began reading The Hobbit to him. Her free hand taking it to thread fingers through oddly soft hair.

Sam at some point had also ended climbing on the bed to sit at the angel's other side. Castiel's shoulder had healed through the night so at least there was that. With Rowena out of the suspect list on what the hell had happened to Castiel the brothers had nothing to go by but wait until the angel woke up.

Dean had appeared after a while and sat at the end of the bed and promptly ignored the world as he submerged into his phone.

The silence of the room was cut each time with Charlie's voice as she read to the unconcious angel.

She still had so much to teach Cas. So much to show him.

Charlie could had lived her whole life not knowing how did an angel sound like when screaming. Could had been happy not knowing how did it sound like when an all powerful being was agonizing.

And the worst was not knowing what was wrong.

Sam and Dean had searched Castiel's clothes and persona a hundred times to see if there was some kind of cursed item on him. A hex bag. A coin. A random sigil. Anything . But there had been nothing.

He was clean.

And there was also what had happened to the Mark.

Dean had said he could no longer feel its influence. It was still there. Active. But now it felt like some kind of wall had been lifted between him and the Mark.

And that was right after Castiel hit him.

Something was going on here. Something big.

A groan at her side cut both her voice and thoughts off.

All eyes fell on Castiel as the angel's face seemed to contort in pain.

-Cas?- Dean stood up and walked over to his friend's side.

Castiel didn't answer. He seemed to be in pain despite the fact that there were no wounds on him. If all. Another groan came from the angel.

This time Charlie stopped touching his hair in order to rest her hand on his shoulder. Squeezing softly.

-Castiel? Can you hear us?

The angel's face doesn't change. He seemed to be in pain and for a moment he even looked... sad.

-Cas?- Dean has sat at the edge of the bed now and is gripping the angel's forearm in a light hold. Sam is looking as lost as Dean felt. It was frustrating to see their friend in pain and not be able to do a single thing about it.

That no matter how much they called for him he didn't answer.

And then Castiel spoke. Voice barely a broken whisper.

-M'righfine .

-Fine my ass.

Dean's retort got Cas to finally open his eyes. The pain and discomfort never leaving his face as his gaze fell on Sam for a moment before falling on Charlie at his side. And finally on Dean.

-You look like shit man.

Castiel gave Dean an odd look. As if he was trying and failing to understand Dean's words.

And then he spoke.

Voice strained and broken.

And it wasn't even English.

-Is that Enochian?

The angel made a face at Charlie's words before glancing back at Sam. As if expecting him to solve a puzzle he wasn't able to solve. He looked like he was in pain.

-Cas? Are you okay? Where does it hurt?- Asks Sam gently instead.

A confused stare was gifted to him.

It was almost as if he didn't understand a word from Sam.

And as if to prove his point the angel once again muttered something in Enochian and it was so weird to hear it out of chants or spells.

-Cas. English please.- Asked Dean.

Castiel frowned and huffed in frustration at Dean's voice. He tried to grasp the words because he knew these words but his head wouldn't cooperate with him. The pounding in his head was lessening but his brain still felt like goo.

And now Sam was speaking too. His voice questioning and Castiel had no idea what was he talking about. He closed his eyes and willed his mind to straighten itself enough to let him communicate.

After a moment the words began growing clear and less like gibberish. He opened his eyes again. The three humans had concern edging on their features.

-Hello Dean. Sam. Charlie.

-Hey man. You back with us?- Dean couldn't help the relief that washed over him at the angel's voice.

-Dean what did you do?- Castiel's question confused the three hunters in the room.

-What?

-Your soul...- Mutters the angel grabbing Dean's forearm in a light hold. Right where the Mark was.- It feels different.

-Different? Different how?- Asks Sam a bit panicked and throwing his brother a worried look.

-I don't know... It's the same but there is something else...- The way he stares at Dean, as if he is staring right into his soul which he probably is makes the hunter grow uncomfortable.

-Cas what happened last night?- Asks Dean hoping to change to subject and get an answer on the hell lived last night. 

The angel didn't answer.

All he did was avoid their looks before attempting to get up.

-I should leave.

-Like hell you are.- Snapped Dean pushing him back down to which he got a glare from the angel.- You were screaming like someone was skinning you alive and you did something to the Mark. You are not walking out of here until you tell us what the hell is going on.

-Dean.- Called Sam grabbing his brother's shoulder. A silent warning in his grip for him to let go of Cas. Charlie watched the exchange with an anxious look.

Dean didn't need to be told twice. The last thing he wanted was give Cas more reasons to walk out and never come back to him.

The second Dean released him the second Castiel took that as a chance to sit up. Not his best choice considering the action made the pounding in his head soar up with might and he had to bit back a groan as a wave of dizziness hit him.

-Maybe you should rest a bit more. We can talk later.- Tells Charlie giving the brothers a look in case one of them was to protest.

-I'm fine. I don't need to rest.- Charlie gave him a look that Castiel returned with a blank stare.

-With all due respect I beg to differ. You look like absolute crap.- States Charlie hoping to not end up in hell for disrespecting an angel.

-I'm fine .

-Then care to fill us in on what the hell was all that last night?

Castiel stiffened at Dean's words.

-I think I'm gonna rest now.- Were the words that stumbled out of Castiel's mouth as he laid back down and pulled the blanket to cover his face. It was a childish and coward attitude of an angel of the lord but right now the last thing he wanted was for them to know.

Even more so.

He didn't want to face it himself. Didn't want to face the extent of the truth of this issue.

Because if he did then no longer would he be able to act as if it wasn't real. It wasn't true. It never happens. He had no idea. If he lied to himself things would be easier. Lies were easier to go with than the truth.

The truth that this wasn't Metatron's doing.

The truth that he had no idea what was happening.

That things similar to this had been going on since the moment he touched Dean's soul.

And now having his grace back had unleashed a more persistent feeling than the ones he had been feeling from time to time since he emerged from hell with Dean Winchester.

He wondered if this was what Naomi had meant when she said he had a crack in his chassis.

Because a lot of things now made no sense at all.

Plus part of him didn't want to throw his problems at them when their problems were bad enough as it was.

Though to be honest Castiel didn't want to accept the plain truth that something was indeed wrong with him.

Simple as that.

~

Castiel's reaction of avoiding the question like that along with the unexpected act of using the blanket to hide his face had left one thing clear.

He knew what was wrong and he wouldn't tell them.

Dean opened his mouth to snap and his hands reached for the blanket but Sam's arm cut his attempts. Dean glared at him and Sam shock his head giving his brother a "not now" look.

Forcing Castiel to tell them wouldn't lead them anywhere. The angel could be as stubborn as Dean himself sometimes and if he didn't want to talk he wouldn't.

It was best to not press him than get a lie out of it.

Because the last thing Sam wanted was a similar outcome as that of the civil war in Heaven that both brothers took lightly and lead Castiel to make a deal with Crowley and open Purgatory.

~

-That son of a bitch is hiding something! You should have let me talk to him! He doesn't even need sleep!- Snaps Dean the second he steps into the library.

-And how are you gonna get him to talk? Because we both know Cas isn't the type to go around asking for help unless he is at the verge of death or too weak to keep hiding it.- Reminds him Sam. He didn't mention the part where he didn't want an angry Dean alone with Cas, he still had the picture of Dean stabbing the angel pretty fresh in his head and he feared that next time his brother wouldn't be able to hold back.

-We push until he speaks.- Snaps Dean matter of fact.

-Dean I don't think pushing him is our best choice here. You saw him. He avoided the question. It's clear he doesn't feel comfortable telling us.- Tells Sam hoping to persuade his brother into a less aggressive approach that could end up with Cas bailing on them.

-We don't have a choice Sam. I don't care if he is not comfortable. This is no time to worry about feelings because for all we know he could be dying, under a friggin' spell or a damn curse! He was with Rowena wasn't he?

-But she said she had nothing to do with whatever was happening to him.

-And you trust her?

-Of course not but-

-Guys!- The brothers had almost forgotten that Charlie was also there.- Look. Arguing won't lead anywhere and I may not know the guy as well as you do but he didn't look like he himself wanted to deal with whatever happened. Maybe give him some time to cool down could do the trick.

-But what if we don't have time? What if Rowena did do something to him?

-Dean. He was fine when I spoke with him.- Tells Sam beginning to feel a bit stressed over this. He didn't knew how but he had a feeling this had nothing to do with a spell or a curse. If Cas knew what it was he doubted Rowena had had something to do with it.

-And she didn't do anything weird when I was there.- Charlie felt the urge to add. She wasn't a master at witchcraft but she was sure she hadn't seen Rowena do anything weird.

-Was Cas fine when he got there to save you? Was there something strange? Anything?- Asked Dean suddenly remembering the angel's odd behavior when they picked him and Charlie up from the motel. 

Charlie frowned at that. What would come out as weird in a situation where an angel saved her butt from a Frankenstein? How more weirder could that get?

-Well. He did look a bit lethargic. And there was a flash of light and a whoosh of air and static when he appeared which I never saw happen in the books with neither of the angels and... even after he killed the guy his eyes wouldn't stop glowing.

-A flash of light?- Repeated Sam. His tone of voice let Dean know that he was also thinking about the weird flash of pure white light that had flown like a friggin' rocket across the sky. It had gone to the motel's same direction. Had that been Cas?

-When you say lethargic. Do you mean mind control lethargic or....?- Dean wasn't even sure what to ask. Was Naomi behind this? Castiel had said at some point that Metatron had killed her but what if the bitch was back?

-No. More like not quite there lethargic. I mean. He looked fine but he moved as in automatic. He didn't hesitate to tear through that Frankenstein's chest nor to crush what I really think was the guy's soul. Even then he ripped his head off and didn't let go of him until his head hit the ground.

That wasn't comforting at all.

The static and the air could be understood for the angel could sometimes forget to not take off in the middle of a room full of papers and both hunters also knew that angels wielded a lot of energy within their vessel that could mess with electronic devices.

What made no sense at all were the white eyes, the light and the lethargic state.

-Was there anything else? 

-He seemed to be really tired afterwards.

-What if it's an angel thing? I mean, that would explain the light and the glowing eyes. He got his grace back not that long ago, before that he was human for a while and then went on stolen grace. Maybe he's still adjusting to it.- Suggested Sam to which Dean gave him a... Was that a bitch face?

-And he's uncomfortable with it?

-We all can feel uncomfortable talking about some stuff with other people.- Charlie felt the need to point out. As if Dean had forgotten that crucial fact.

-We are talking about Cas here. Cas . Same dude who appeared naked and covered in bees in my car. Same dude who watched porn in a room full of dudes and got a boner due it. Same dude who made out with a demon infront of us. He doesn't do uncomfortable .

-Dean.- Sam was giving him a look. The one where he was telling him to shut up and stop spilling idiotic words.- Charlie is right. Cas is.... Well Cas. There are no traces that it could be a curse or a spell. For all we know it could really be an angel thing. If we give him some time to cool off he may eventually speak to us. Pushing him won't do anything but get him to take off on us. Please?

Dean didn't answer. He was glaring at the wall and rubbing at the Mark out of habit. He couldn't feel it as much as before which he didn't knew if it was reassuring or alarming. Cas had said his soul felt different which wasn't that comforting either. So much shit had gone down in less that 48 hours that Dean no longer knew how to deal with all of that crap.

So rather than answering Sam all he did was stalk past Charlie and into the kitchen in search of a beer.

If Castiel didn't want to speak then so be it. Bastard did nothing but keep crap to himself until it was blowing all over the place. Did Dean had to tattoo it on his forehead? Secrets did nothing but come back to bite them in their asses in the worst forms possible.

Cas should know that better than anyone by now.

~

Castiel needed to leave. 

At least until his head was clear and his grace was back under control. 

Then he would return. 

He waited until he no longer could hear noises amongst the bunker. Faked being asleep both times either Sam or Charlie came back to check on him. Part of him wondered if Dean was pissed and therefore that had kept him from stepping into the room again.

But there was nothing Castiel could do about it. He didn't left the bed nor took the blanket off his face. He laid as still as possible and took it to wait until the humans were sleeping. Until even Charlie had fell asleep which took longer than with the brothers. 

And as Castiel sat up on the bed he couldn't help but let his gaze wander around the room. His room. Devoid of belongings and still it was his . He didn't need a room but the sentiment behind it still stood. 

He was welcome here.

A home.

Though after tonight he doubted that that would be the case. 

Dean had never reacted well to Castiel running off on him without explanation and he doubted he would like it even more now after what happened. 

But he couldn't help it.

He didn't want them to know. 

Couldn't let them know how broken he truly was. 

So he got off the bed and snatched his clothes up from the chair. The clothes held an interesting smell to them, it reminded him of the brothers' clothes and it took him a moment to realize Sam must had washed them. It made it a bit harder to have to run off on them.

But he had to.

So pulling his trench coat on he walked up to the door and as careful as possible pushed the door open. He made sure to be as silent as possible as he walked amongst the dim lighted corridor. Passing the brothers' bedrooms. Fully aware that any sound would be able to trigger their hunter instincts into waking up. 

But even in a vessel Castiel was still a warrior of God and stealth was something he was more than familiar with. Something he had engraved into his mind.

He had almost reached the staircase when a voice from the darkness pinned him to his spot along with a sharp clink of glass meeting wood.

-And just where the hell do you think you are going? 

Castiel didn't answer. He could feel his breath caught in his throat and his shoulders stiff. Fear and failure crawling up his skin. A click later the room was bathed in light and as he turned he found Dean standing there. Four bottles of beer sat on one of the library's tables. Dean sporting a sharp look that did nothing to conceal his disappointment and unhappiness.

-I'm just... 

-Save it.- Cut off Dean as he stalked towards the angel.- You were planning on sneaking out? Running off again to God knows where and then popping back months later like nothing ever happened? 

Castiel held his gaze with a sharp gleam as the hunter came to a halt infront of him and even then there was guilt edging on his face. 

-Dean- 

-No. Don't you Dean me. The hell do you think you are doing? 

-I'm... leaving. I can't be here. I will still keep helping with the Mark's removal but-

-To hell with the Mark!- Cut off Dean sharply.

-Dean. You don't understand. I can't stay here. I'm... I can't stay here.

-Why the hell not? Is it because of what happened before? Is it some kind of angel thing? Was Sam right? Is this some kind of side effect that takes a long ass of time to show after an angel gets their grace back?

Castiel didn't answer but that was enough answer for Dean. Or at least as much of an answer as he was gonna get from the angel on this issue.

-You are not stepping out of here Cas. You can't just run off whenever you are the one dealing with crap. That's not how this works. You are family and family helps each other. 

Oh if Sammy could hear him. 

-You asked me to leave when I needed help so as to protect Sam. Now I ask you to let me leave so as to protect you, Sam and Charlie. 

That felt like a blow to Dean's gut. Because there was no resentment in Castiel's voice but an edge of sadness. As if he thought that he deserved it and that he understood Dean's choices completely. 

And oh that made him feel so much like a dick. Because kicking Cas out when he had most needed him had been a dick move. After all Castiel had done for them in a moment of panic he had forgotten all about it. Hadn't seen the signs. 

Because if Ezekiel had been a good angel as Cas had said he wouldn't had been so scared of other angels seeing him. Wouldn't had acted as such a coward at the idea of other angels finding him.

He should have known.

-Cas. I'm sorry I kicked you out. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to see something was wrong okay? Just... Don't leave man, okay? We can fix this. We can solve whatever this is. Together . 

Dean now had both hands on the angel's shoulders as he spoke and the single touch sent an itch to the Mark giving Dean the confirmation that for some reason now the Mark was reacting to Cas. It made him wonder if it had to do with the thing being a curse created by God and it being close to an angel which made no sense at all because it had started reacting right after all that bullshit.

Nothing made sense here.

And for a moment all Dean wanted was to shake the angel and demand answers. But no. He was trying to go by Sam's words. Hell if he hadn't stayed up so late drinking his anger away Cas would had bailed on them over wanting to talk.

Castiel for his side stared back at Dean both uncertain and tired. He felt tired. Father he felt tired. So so tired. His grace was no longer buzzing nor tingling but it no longer felt normal.

If he focused hard enough he could still feel the unfamiliar spark beneath. Just waiting to be ignited again. It made him shudder. 

-Hey, are you okay?- Asked Dean noticing the shudder.

-I'm fine. I'm just... tired.- He wasn't lying but he wasn't telling the truth either.

Not that the truth mattered.

Because Castiel didn't think this was something that a human would be able to fix. He had never even heard of something like this happening. None of what he had ever- 

No. 

He was fine.

This was fine. 

He would have to be careful. More careful than he had ever been while he tried to figure out what was wrong with his grace.

-Cas. You are staying aren't you?

No.

Castiel couldn't leave. 

Not when Dean was giving him such a pleading look. 

There was something about the Winchesters that just made it impossible to reject their requests. 

And so he nodded. 

-I won't leave. I promise.

Chapter Text

Sam and Dean's plans on giving Castiel space lasted two days straight in which the brothers didn't mention a single thing about what had happened nor what had happened to the Mark. After all it had seemed to be a good thing rather than an alarming one.

Not that Dean felt nothing but alarmed at the fact that the Mark was there but he couldn't feel it though he knew that whatever it was it was fading. Slow but still fading. 

Rowena for her side had for some reason outright refused to help them if Cas got near her. She even promised to leave Charlie alone which had been alarming because the hell did Cas do? Sam had spoken to her face to face and he could had sworn on his soul the witch had looked unnerved as she threatened to not help if the angel was in the same building as her.

All she had told Sam was that Dean and him should keep the angel's leash on a tight grip.

Whatever that meant.

So Charlie was the one making sure Rowena wouldn't use the book nor the codex for something that wasn't finding the spell to cure Dean.

Which left Sam and Dean alone at the bunker with Castiel.

Sam hadn't reacted well at the knowledge that Cas had tried to sneak out on them but he had tried to not take it to heart. The angel didn't seem to be taking well whatever had happened. He wouldn't leave his room for hours and sometimes lights flickered when he walked past them.

Dean had also found out while cleaning their gear that the EMF did not react well to angels.

But for the record he should have seen that one coming.

Still.

That had never happened before.

And on the second day Dean chose that he had had enough.

~

-We should get a TV in the library or in the war room. I feel like a 13 year old girl having a sleepover whenever we end up watching a movie here. Soon enough we will be braiding our hairs, painting our nails and putting lipstick on.- Deadpans Dean with no real ill intent as he shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Watching a movie in Sam's room wasn't as bad though. It felt comfortable and familiar in a odd way. With him just laying on Sam's bed with the bowl of popcorn at his side. Sam sitting at the end of the bed and Cas at his brother's side. Both leaving enough space between them to not obstruct Dean's view. It was small but it made it feel more like a home.

Castiel turned to look at him with a frown though.

-Dean. I thought lipstick wasn't important to you.

Sam choked on his spit and turned to give his brother a raised brow.

-Cas shut up.

-Dean should I know something?- Asks Sam with that shit eating grin only a little brother can muster up.

-Shut up Sammy.

-If you want some lipstick there's no shame in it. I bet they even have pie flavored lipstick.- Continues Sam without a care in the world which gains him a fist of popcorn to the face that does nothing to erase the smile off his face.

-I thought lipstick wasn't edible?

-It's not but some people eat it due the flavor and because it's not toxic.- Explains Sam to the confused angel and under the murderous glare of one Dean Winchester.

-Oh.... Dean do you want to eat pie flavored lipstick?- Asks the angel tilting his head to the side and with those big blue orbs that told Dean two things.

Castiel would without a doubt buy him lipstick.

Also.

That feathered traitor was siding with Sam on this and it felt as if all of a sudden Dean had not one but two little brothers.

-Would you both shut up before I throw this bowl of popcorn at you?

-Careful that could break your nails.

Oh if looks could kill Sam would be more than dead.

-Dean I have no problems getting the lipstick for you. I learnt that human males generally don't wear lipstick but if you want to wear it I will bring you as many as you wish. I will find pie flavored lipstick. Beer. Coffee. Burgers.

Sam was fighting his laughter off with muffled snorts and coughs and that did nothing to quell Dean's urge to throw the bowl at them both.

-Cas I swear to God-

-Dean don't take my father's name in vain.- Cut off Castiel with a frown before adding.- And don't be ashamed. Lipstick would suit you well I promise.- Cas' encouragement did it for Sam.

He explode into a fit of laughter.

And Castiel's little smile as he watched Sam laughing his ass off diffused Dean's anger. Well at least both bastards were having fun even if it was at his expenses.

Still.

Dean made sure to kick Sam's shoulder before sitting up and pouring what was left of the popcorn on Sam's face since he had fell back on the bed and no longer Dean was able to kick his ass. Sam didn't even protest he just snickered as if he had won.

Cas on the other hand.

He was still sitting and Dean would have kicked his ass if it wasn't for his hand's demise when he punched the angel in that angelic room. Plus part of him despite all didn't felt comfortable hitting the angel so soon after the beating he gave him four days ago.

So Dean Winchester once again challenged death as he reached for the angel's shoulders and using the moment of surprise he pulled Cas down on the mattress.

And that's when the fun went out of the window.

Glowing white met green and the rolling credits on the TV glitched with an odd high pitched static that sounded similar to an angel's voice but not quite. Lights flickering.

Dean's hands released him as if he had been burnt and Sam sprung up into a sitting position.

-Cas?

Castiel blinked and the white glow was gone. Nothing but blue left behind with fading swirls of gold.

-I.... am sorry.- Blinked the angel looking as shocked as Sam and Dean felt. Of all things Dean never thought he would live long enough to get such reaction out of the angel.- I'm going for some fresh air.- Said Castiel as he sat up.

His grace falling back into a somewhat dormant state again. It seemed it would take more than meditation for him to keep his grace from lashing out against any provocation.

Yet before he can get up a hand grabs his arm.

-No.

-Dean-

-No Sam. I tried to be patient but no. Enough is enough.- Cut off Dean sharply.- So Cas cut the crap and tell us what the hell is going on. First that... whatever the hell those screams were for. Then the lights and now this . 

-I'm fine. 

-Fine my ass. Don't think I don't know that you have been sleeping.- Snapped Dean remembering when he walked in on the angel's room after this one failed to answer him. Cas had been fast asleep. A deep sleep on top of that.

-You are suppose to knock.- Glares the angel suddenly feeling violated at the idea of having been seen in such vulnerable state.

-I did knock. Twice.- Defended Dean sharply.

-Cas.- Sam's  voice was gentle compared to Dean's as he spoke.- Talk to us man. How can we help you if you won't tell us what's wrong?

Castiel wished he had his wings to escape this conversation. Escape their concerned looks. Escape their questions.

Escape from this situation.

But he couldn't.

And even if he was to keep hiding it it made no sense for eventually the brothers would get pissed.

Pissed at the knowledge that Cas couldn't help on hunts for the time being until his grace was less.... volatile.

No.

He could still fix that. A tighter grip and making sure to be aware of his surroundings to not allow surprise attacks. Because if he kept this up he could end up hurting them without meaning to.

But this wasn't a problem humans could fix.

It wasn't a problem worth the effort.

Right now all that mattered was Dean and removing the Mark of Cain.

Castiel could fix his own grace and he knew that sooner or later it would settle down as it never failed to do.

Sure this time was different and it was taking longer but he knew that meditation would, had to do the trick.

So he freed his arm from Dean's grip and briskly stood up.

-I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine.- Snapped the angel. Would it kill Dean to drop the issue? Apparently not because the older Winchester had to stand up with the aura of someone who was at the verge of exploding.

-Funny that you say that. As I recall I also said I didn't need help. That I was perfectly fine with the Mark. That was before you went behind my back with Sam.

-The Mark was, is changing you.- Defended Castiel as if Dean had suddenly become the greatest idiot in human history.

-And so is whatever the hell is going on with you! You are sleeping!

-Forgive me if suddenly sleep became an only-humans-allowed thing that I wasn't aware of.

-Mr. Comedian now?

-Dean-

-No Sam. We, I tried patience. You said to give him space, that it would bring him to us when he was ready to talk. But he is not talking!

-I have nothing to talk about. As I said, I'm fine .- Castiel was starting to feel the irritation about this never ending conversation turning into a stinging spark of actual anger.

-Bullshit!

-So you say I'm lying?

-Wouldn't be the first time.

-What is that suppose to mean?

-That lying seems to go by the hand with you.

-Dean!

Okay that maybe was uncalled for. Cas was now giving him a kicked puppy look.

But that puppy look didn't last long for it was quick to be shielded with a dangerous glint of anger. A glare that sent shivers down Dean's spine. And as the angel's eyes acquired an unnatural glow of white strings inside the blue he found himself taking a step back out of instinct.

-I'm not a liar.- Castiel's voice came out low and dangerous and Dean was sure the light flickered just now.- I have never brought intentional harm towards others through lies.- He took a step forward and Dean felt proud at how well he held his ground.- Humans are the ones who lie and lie for the fun of it. Humans are the ones who breathe and spit lies whenever their mouths open. Humans are the embodiments of lies.

-Cas-

Dean's breath caught in his throat when Cas grabbed a fistful of his shirt quite roughly. 

-I'm not a liar.- Sentenced the angel as the glowing white strings flowing through the blue glitched a deep shade of gold.

And at that moment Dean Winchester was reminded of something.

Castiel was an angel.

Bless Sam and his fear to no God (or angel for that matter).

-Hey hey hey. Easy. There's no need to fight. Dean didn't meant what he said. He's just mad and being a complete ass.- Said Sam half nervous half pulling his bravado out of his soul as he stood between the angel and his brother, separating them. Hands outstretched for more emphasis as he gave Dean an especially sharp look to shut any remarks he had if he didn't want to end up with his neck snapped.

Castiel glanced down at the hand on his chest before returning his gaze back to the owner of said hand. A cracked soul stared back at him with such flare he felt his grace tune down.

He wasn't sure of the reason but the sight of Sam's soul made the anger inside him lessen to a considerable almost non-existent degree.

And thus Castiel backed off. Feeling more drained than it should be possible. 

-You still claim to be fine?

If looks could kill Sam would had incinerated his brother on the spot for opening his mouth.

Still Castiel didn't bother to answer as he turned and left Sam's room.

-Dean- 

-I know what you are gonna say and no. We are not sitting on our asses and do nothing when he is like that. I saw his eyes and those eyes....- Dean wasn't even sure how to describe it. The golden and white strings of power flowing across the blue orbs.

It had felt like staring back at a powerful unstoppable force. Something that was fighting to break out.

-Whatever is happening to him is bad Sammy. Really bad.

Sam wanted to find words to contradict Dean's but he couldn't. Because he had felt it. He had seen it.

Castiel had given him an intense look and it was as if something in Sam was what slapped the control back in him rather than Sam himself.

It was unsettling.

Things were getting worse if Cas had reacted like that for a simple "surprise attack". Sam didn't want to see what would happen if the angel was to be caught in a fight.

-Fine. We should talk to him but not now. Let him cool off first and Dean... You can't get all mad if he refuses and don't shout at him. We want to speak with him not shout at him. Okay?- Asks Sam hoping that his brother could understand that simple concept. Dean scoffed.

-Fine fine Dr. Phil.

~

Castiel laid on the bed. Staring at the ceiling and taking deep breaths to calm down his still frantic heartbeat. His grace was settled once again and still it felt tight between his true form and vessel.

It felt so odd.

He closed his eyes, eyelids too heavy to keep up the fight of gifting him view of the world. Guilt was twisting in his gut. Because he shouldn't have reacted like that when all Dean wanted was to help him, was concerned for him, Sam too.

Dean was stubborn and he would do anything to reach his goals which in this situation was finding out what was happening with Castiel.

Castiel refused to tell them.

What was the point on doing so when he had never been able to figure it out himself? No angel has ever experienced this.

And the worst thing here was that Dean couldn't know.

Couldn't know that all this began the moment Castiel touched his soul.

The Righteous Man's soul that did something to him he couldn't still for the life of him understand.

It was a bond. Such a profound bond that bind Castiel's grace to Dean's soul. Not as a true vessel but as something else.

Something foreign.

Bigger .

He must have fallen asleep because next thing he knows he is standing in the middle of the brightest of fields. So green and full of pure untouched life part of him realizes it was before humans came to be.

Before nature was tainted.

The air carries a pleasing chill with it as the sun rises from the horizon. He can smell the earth and the aftermath of a storm. Droplets of water giving the grass a beautiful sparkling coat. He can hear the birds chirping and the river's flow. He can see the multicolored butterflies and the bees hovering over flowers. He can feel the vibrations through the ground as worms and ants move.

He feels at complete peace as he walks through the bright field. No vessel needed for life is too pure to be damaged at the presence of an angel. A voice is calling him from the forest. Familiar but nameless and still all he feels is peace and like nothing can ever harm him as he follows it.

As he comes to a halt he stands before a beautiful apple tree were a blurred silhouette sits at one of the branches. His presence is brighter than the sun itself and as cold as the bottom of the sea. And still he doesn't feel cold but warm and happy.

Castiel tried to take on his face but failed to do so. He stepped closer and squinted. But as all his odd dreams from the past days had done the scenery started to turn into a puddle of blurred grayish and muffled sounds.

No.

Not again.

He tried to hold onto the ground. Digging his fingers through it but the dust of the wind turned suffocating and it burned through his grace as he cried out.

The silhouette becoming darker and darker and no he had to protect him from the darkness!

He didn't want to leave this. He didn't want to leave him. He wanted to know who him was. He had seen the same brightness before. He had seen it alongside the wild flows of softness and strength and happiness and he wanted them.

But the darkness was pulling him back. Hot and clawing at his head and grace. A name he couldn't process slipped out. Over and over and over and over again.

And still the embedded thickness of blurs pushed him out of the warm place. Rough and painful and unfair.

That's when he grew aware of a similar spark at his side along with muffled voices and ghost feelings. He reached for the spark, his weak state of numb grace making him go for a physical approach. Fingers curling around the first thing he could.

It soothed him enough to get rid of the overhelming sense of failure.

~

Sam and Dean were rummaging through the lore in the bunker in hopes to find books about angels when the lights began flickering.

-I swear to God if he explodes them again I'm making him replace them.- Scowls Dean as he glares at the ceiling.

As if to answer his threat the lightbulb from the lamp explodes. Shards scattering all over the table and floor.

A familiar hateful ringing threatens to pierce the air.

Books get thrown on the table as both brothers desist from giving the angel time to get back into control.

Sam and Dean ran through the corridors praying for the lights to not explode on them nor for Cas to use his true voice.

Dean didn't bother to knock as he slammed the door of Castiel's room open.

The angel was all curled on the bed and making soul crushing sounds no powerful being should be able to do.

-He's having a nightmare.- Not even voicing it helped Dean understand what he was seeing.

And then the name slipped out.

Sam .

It froze both brothers on the spot.

And like an endless stream the name kept coming out.

Even then to Sam it didn't felt like it was him that the angel was calling out for. The broken voice of the angel pulled Sam to his side.

-Cas. Hey. It's okay. You are okay.- His voice was gentle as he spoke. Sitting close but not touching in case that was to get him a broken neck for freaking the angel out.

Dean sat on the other side but didn't speak. He just rested his hand on the angel's trembling shoulder.

-Cas?- Called out Sam when all of a sudden the angel stopped sounding like he was in pain and his eyes opened ever so slightly.- Cas? Hey, can you hear me?

Sam's answer was an almost heart attack when he felt something touch him. Castiel's fingers had curled around his sleeve and that single thing seemed to comfort the angel to a disturbing degree for he stopped shaking almost instantly.

-Dude what the hell?- Dean was not jealous of Castiel's sudden preference over Sam. Not at all.

-Cas?- Called Sam ignoring his brother and focusing on the unresponsive angel. He could feel a tingle running up his arm and centering in his chest. It felt hot and cold which was both disturbing and confusing.

It reminded him of.... something....

Castiel released his sleeve with something akind to confusion as he stared back at him looking as tired as someone who hasn't slept in centuries. Still. He didn't seem to be 100% grounded. He looked off... almost high.

-Dude. What the hell? - Dean's voice got Castiel turning to look at him with a frown and an even more odd look. The angel then lifted his hand and pressed it against Dean's chest to both hunters' confusion.- What are you doing?

-Michael.

Dean felt nauseous at that sudden name.

-I'm not Michael.- Snapped Dean. What the hell was Cas on? His words though got him a narrowed look from the angel as he stared right into his soul.

Then he frowned before letting his hand drop.

-Not Michael.

-Of fucking course I'm not that dick.

Dean's words for some reason didn't settle well with Castiel as the world began clearing out. But he tried to not think about it. If he didn't thought about it it wasn't there.

-I'm sorry...

-Dude of all people there's in the world Michael is the one you think about when you see me?- Sam was giving Dean such a bitch face at his choice of complains.

-Depends.- Mutters Castiel too tired to care. He kinda regrets his words a second later.

-Excuse me? I remind you of Michael?- Dean's voice almost elevated an octave as he said that. As if Cas just insulted his family, his car, his pie, his bacon and his burgers.

-Don't take it personal. Angels... we can tell when someone is a vessel and to what angel they belong just by looking at their souls. Because vessel's soul have a particular spark of that particular angel. Like a signature made out of useless harmless grace.

Both hunters felt their skin crawl at that new knowledge.

-I have a piece of Lucifer's grace in me?- Sam looked a second away from having a nervous breakdown, falling into hysterics or exploding into an existential crisis.

Castiel stopped it before either could happen.

-No. For some reason I can't feel Lucifer's toxic spark. I can't see it....

-But?- Dean could hear the but . Sam could hear the but . It was huge and so thick.

-Sam's signature is... I don't know who it belongs to. It's cold and bright. As if someone had cradled a human soul with a piece of the sun and then threw it at the bottom of the ocean to freeze it. But even then it never stopped burning. It never lost its blinding light.

And it hurt.

Because Castiel felt as if he had failed in the most horrible way to that spark.

Dean was staring at Sam as if he had grown another head. Did this mean Sam was never Lucifer's true vessel? Who the hell was the angel who had dibs on his brother's ass then? Dean from the depths of his heart hoped the bastard had died in the fall. Neither of them needed more angel bullshit.

Sam for his side felt wrong. Because what Castiel said sounded familiar and at the same time no. If he wasn't Lucifer's vessel then who was the angel? And Castiel's gaze as he spoke looked hollow and miserable. Broken. Almost as if he knew whose signature was it despite the fact that he claimed to not know.

Still.

Small wins.

He wasn't the devil's vessel.

-Dean. What's wrong with the Mark?- While the brothers had been deep in thought Castiel had pulled Dean's sleeve up to reveal the Mark of Cain and he was now frowning at it. Reminded Dean of when the angel first grabbed his arm and yanked the sleeve up to reveal the Mark and give him the disappointed look.

-You... did it. You don't remember?- Asks Dean as the angel sits up to stare at the Mark. Fingers hovering over the strange golden sigils. Edges between white and blue.

And as Castiel reached out to it with his grace he felt it.

That same ancient thing that hid under his grace.

It had branded Dean.

No.

Not branded.

It was shielding his soul from the Mark's effects.

How?

He glanced back at the Winchester. Focusing on his soul so hard this time rather than golden strings what he came with were golden ribbons surrounding the human soul with confusing sigils engraved into it. A cage to keep the Mark's effects out.

But it was too weak to hold for too long.

The cage would disappear and the Mark would start working again.

-Hey. Earth to Cas!- Called Dean snapping his fingers infront of the angel to get his attention back which did work because Cas flinched back from the sudden sound.

-Do you know what's that?- Asks Sam with something between hope and anxiety.

-I think it's protecting his soul... like a cage to keep the effects out... but it's not strong enough. It will soon disappear and the Mark will start affecting him again.

-You gave it to him. Can't you strenghten it?

-No. I don't know...- Castiel was still holding Dean's wrist. Still feeling his soul. And all he could do was focus on Michael's spark.

Something was so wrong here.

-You don't know? You do remember it right?- Asks Dean dreading the answer.

-No... I... 

"I was too worried about not burning and melting alive to focus on something else."

Castiel thought to himself as he kept examining the sigils. It wasn't until he went from fingers hovering and actually touched the sigils that he felt it.

A jolt of static rippled through his grace and pulled on his chest so hard it felt as if someone had punched right through his true form. He found himself doing something he hadn't done since his time as human.

Cough.

A coughing fit that got him grabbing his chest as he failed to regain his breath. His grace was doing to a bigger scale what it had done when he grabbed Demon Dean. There were hands on him and voices.

Through the ringing he heard Dean's shouts.

-STOP! Whatever the hell you are doing stop it now! Stop it or so God help me I will use a friggin' banishing sigil on your ass! CASTIEL STOP!

The sound of his name followed with that order got his grace to halt with such force he almost blacked out. Slumping forward got him landing too close to the soul responsible for this pain and distress.

"Dean Winchester, what makes you so special amongst the other humans?"

At least he could breathe now and no longer it felt as if there was a permanent punch through his true form.

There were arms around him and one part of his mind told him Dean would be pissed at having him using his shoulder as a pillow. Something about personal space. But another part of him didn't care. 

Because a whisper told him that the least Dean could do was let him rest on him for a moment until he regained his senses after what he did for him.

It wasn't as if he would die for touching another male looking being for longer than five seconds.

~

-You don't know? You don't remember it?

-No... I... 

Castiel didn't look as if he himself knew the answer. He just kept staring at Dean's arms which to be honest was starting to make him feel a bit uncomfortable.

And then Cas touched it.

The reaction was almost immediate. From both Dean and the angel.

Dean felt the crippling warmth punch his chest so hard he saw white for a second. His arm burnt and the blueish edge of the sigils turned gold.

Castiel though gasped as if someone had punched him right on the gut. Doubling over and grabbing his chest as he broke into a half coughing fit half asthma attack cosplay.

-Fuck!

-Your arm!- Sam's shout and wide eyes got Dean looking down to find the golden sigils spreading across his entire forearm and hand.

-What the- Cas stop!- Snapped Dean as he grabbed the breathless angel's shoulders. He could feel the tight warmness across his chest. The sigils stinging past his elbow. Bicep. Shoulder.

It wouldn't stop.

-Stop. CAS STOP! Whatever the hell you are doing stop it now! Stop it or so God help me I will use a friggin' banishing sigil on your ass! CASTIEL STOP!

That last shout seemed to do the trick because the stinging stopped right across his collarbone. And then the angel slumped forward. Breathing as if he had run a marathon but breathing nevertheless.

Dean found himself wrapping his arms around him and letting out a sigh of relief. 

Sam was rubbing soft circles around Castiel's back while also staring at Dean's new shimmering gold tattoos. Now spreading across his entire forearm down to his knuckles. He could see it also went past his elbow.

-Are you okay?- Asks Sam feeling a bit on edge as he stares at the sigils and back at his brother and then back at the angel who seemed to be regaining his breath.

-I'm fine.... Cas? Buddy how you doing?- Dean's answer is in Enochian but the sarcasm is heavier than an elephant and it makes Sam have to hide a smile despite all.- Did you just threw sarcasm at me in the language of the angels?

-I'm an angel of the Lord. I can put sarcasm wherever I want.- Declares Castiel as he backs enough to stare right into Dean's soul through green windows. His face inches apart much to the eldest hunter's discomfort and Sam's endless amusement.

Dean half died of a heart attack when the crystal blue orbs staring back at him flashed the deepest shade of white he had ever seen. Golden strings flowing across the white ring. Then Castiel spoke almost as if repeating words spoken centuries ago.

And for a moment the creature staring back at Dean looked as old as time itself and wiser than the entirety of humankind put together.

-The cage has become a cloak of pure gold and white sigils written in the word of God. It shall shield and protect the bright soul from the Mark's corruption.

With that the blue returned to stare at Dean for another moment before leaning away.

-Wait. The word of God? You carved the word of God in my soul?- Was Dean gonna have to look out for angels or demons coming to rip him to shreds over his soul from now on?

-No... I don't know what it says...- Castiel sounded honestly ashamed as he said so.- And it's not carved in your soul but in the cloak keeping the Mark of Cain from reaching your soul.

-I thought the word of God was Metatron's thing. How the hell did you...

-I don't know.

Sam and Dean stared at the angel who looked as confused and lost as the brothers felt.

Something was so wrong here.

Castiel had never been the most simple of angels despite all. Resurrecting whenever he gets killed. Hauling Dean's ass out of Hell. Hauling Sam's ass out of the cage and Hell. Without a soul but points for effort. Carving a friggin' banishing sigil on his chest and losing his grace due it.

And now this .

-Cas. I have a serious question for you.- Dictates Dean clutching the angel's shoulders as both Castiel and Sam give him a questioning look.- Are you sure you are not God?

Castiel blinked.

Sam blinked.

-Dean. As I said before that's a nice compliment but no. I'm not God.

-Before?- Sam was now giving Dean a look that spoke volumes. What the hell did Dean drank and how much to ask such stupid question.

-Cas. We are friends. Best friends. Hell you are like a brother to us at this point. You can tell us anything.- Pressed Dean. Sam kept giving him a look as if he had gone insane.

Castiel frowned.

-Anything?- Asked the angel doubtful.

-Anything .

-I'm not allowed to go near Saturn and I don't like it.

-What...?

-The planet?- Asks Sam half curious half confused to which he gets a nod from the angel.- You have been into space?

-Yes. Angels can travel through space and out of humans' reach. Further than humans would ever think possible.- Told Castiel as if it was the most logical thing ever.

Sam was staring at Castiel as if he was staring at the most amazing being ever.

-And you got banned from Saturn?- Asks Dean amused.

-No. I'm just not allowed to go there...- Castiel couldn't remember who told him that but he knew he wasn't allowed there.... and at the same time that was the planet that he felt the most. As if its existence itself was pulling at him to go to it.

-But seriously Cas-

-Dean, I'm not God. I don't know how I did that nor how I know that. I just did. - Cut off Castiel. He was tired. So so tired. It was as if sleeping did nothing but exhaust him more. And Dean wouldn't stop asking if he is God.

-Are you gonna tell us what's wrong with you anytime soon?

-Dean!- Snapped Sam at his brother's sudden tactless choice of words.

-No.

-What about that nightmare?

-It wasn't a nightmare.- Frowned the angel to which he got raised eyebrows.

-So angels break people's hearts in their sleep?

-No... I... I don't remember what it was but.... there was someone in there... He called for me.... I couldn't see him and his voice felt familiar but I couldn't remember his name. I was suppose to... I didn't want to leave him. I wasn't suppose to leave him. He was important. But the darkness got to him and I wasn't suppose to let that happen . I was suppose to protect him and-

-Hey!- Cut off Dean before the angel could fall into a spiral of blame and guilt.- Whoever that was I'm sure you busted your ass keeping his ass safe until the very end.

-Exactly Cas. You are a good guy. Whatever happened it wasn't your fault.- Adds Sam despite the fact that he was sharing a look with Dean. It didn't sound like a dream. It sounded more like some kind of repressed memory that for some reason was surfacing now. As if things couldn't get any worse.

-If it wasn't my fault then why whenever I dream about him I wake up feeling like I broke the one thing I was told to not break? Like I failed at the one thing I wasn't suppose to fail? And he was...

As bright as the sun and as cold as the bottom of the sea.

-He was the one who gave the signature to Sam's soul.- That realization for some reason made Castiel nauseous and it took his whole will to not gag or throw up all over Dean. His head was also starting to hurt too much for his liking.

The brothers though stared at the angel not sure how to answer to that.

-His name was Sam?- Is all Sam can ask because that kind of coincidence is almost bizarre. Cas had been calling for Sam after all and if that thing of the spark was true which Sam kinda found intriguing (and cool why lie?) then that would explain why Cas had reacted to him both times he had been.... out.

-I don't know. He felt bright and then he got dark and I was the one at fault. He wasn't....- Castiel felt as if things were wrong across his mind in ways he had never felt before.- He was important . And I failed to protect him.- He grabbed at his hair out of frustration, because there was something that he should know but he couldn't.

Something important.

Something so important the sooner he fixed it the sooner things would be less painful.

Naomi came to his mind and a sense of pure rage swirled inside his chest.

She had tampered with his mind. She was the one who did this. Did what? He wasn't sure but she was worse than he gave her credit for.

So so much worse.

Sam and Dean for their side shared a look. Something was without a doubt wrong here. Wrong in so many levels. An important angel Castiel couldn't remember the name nor face of despite the fact that he was suppose to protect him? Someone had made sure to delete the traces of that angel for some reason. 

An angel who was bright and got dark. No face. No name unless Sam was actually his name which was a bit disturbing to be honest.

God shit was getting so complicated and nothing made sense at all.

But one thing had become clear.

Whatever was happening to Cas it was related to his memories.

And both brothers had a nauseating feeling about who was responsible for that.

Chapter Text

Castiel had joined Sam and Dean on a hunt after telling Dean for the hundredth time that he was fine and that he felt much better than he had felt in a while.

And it had been true until the fight came.

A nest in an abandoned hotel that held more vampires than anticipated.

At first Castiel had thought that it would be fine for his grace didn't lash out during his fight against the vampires. That it was done.

But then as he beheaded the last vampire of this floor and stepped out of the room someone jumped on his back with a snarl. Sharp fangs piercing through his neck.

His grace flared up. Like a spark being thrown into a bucket of holy oil.

And something burst out of his skin and his vessel felt so tight he found himself releasing the pressure through his flaring grace.

He heard agonizing screams echo across the corridor but he didn't care.

His back was on fire and so was his grace on that spot.

Blackness shot through his consciousness and he dropped.

~

Sam and Dean had beheaded the last vampire when the brightest light ever filtered from the stairs leading to the floor above them. The sounds of screams and windows exploding reaching their ears.

-He's fine Dean .- Snapped Dean as he glared at his brother. Reminding Sam of his words to allow Castiel to come with them. He should have known better than that.

Both brothers ran up the stairs and set out to find the angel.

~

Castiel returned from the half unconcious state to the awareness of pain.

His head hurt and his grace hurt and his wings hurt. His entire existence hurt . And he still needed to get up and help the Winchesters kill the vampires but it hurt and it wouldn't stop hurting. It felt as if his whole back was being peeled off like when he first spend too long under the sun as human and all became too sensitive and painful.

Just that this time his back and wings were the ones blazing on stinging fire. The only reason he wasn't screaming was because his voice had abandoned him.

He wasn't sure for how long he laid curled on the floor with the stench of ashes and old carpet but he soon heard the sound of footsteps approaching. Dean's shouts ringing across the dark hall.

-Cas? Cas?! Where are-

Castiel heard the hunter's footsteps come to a stop and heard him choke on his words with a shallow gasp. Heard the jump in his heartbeat. A sharp intake of breath that could mean a thousand things.

-Holy fuck .- Dean whispered.- Sam! Sam I found him!

Dean didn't approach Castiel noticed but he was too focused on the burning on his back to wonder why. Maybe the hunter was looking out for potential threats. 

The burning in his back was fading and becoming a throbbing that stung like an angel blade on certain spots. Rattling his wings and making them shudder. He groaned as he shifted his head and loosened his curling position. Stretching out his wings in hopes to get rid of the soreness of it. The grace there throbbed with an uncomfortable might. His feathers rustled and twitched. He could hear Dean's odd heartbeat and breathing pattern.

-Dean what- Oh my God . Cas?!

Castiel lifted his head with little to none will. Pain taking most of his thoughts as he gazed upon the brothers' dim lighted forms. The lights from the flashlights making him squint as he fought off the urge to curl again.

-Are the vampires dead?

Dean didn't answer his question. His eyes were wide and shocked now that Castiel took on his face. The hunter was staring at something behind him and then he coughed under his breath, looking away with something akind to discomfort.

-Dude, you're, you're showing .- His voice came out as nothing but a whisper and Castiel felt the need to ask the reason behind the embarrassment and discomfort in the hunter's voice because he had done nothing to get such reaction but his voice wouldn't come out.

And then Sam gave Dean a disapproving almost edging on disbelief look which did nothing but confuse him even more.

Sam then approached him and knelt at his side. Hands carefully hovering over him as if searching for any visible wounds.

-Hey, are you okay?- Asks Sam sounding nervous as his hand comes to rest on Cas' shoulder with something akind to hesitation.

Castiel forced himself to nod. The movement sending cramps down his spine that prickled at his grace and made his wings spasm. He wanted nothing more but to curl as the points under his shoulderblades stung harder. His grace felt as if it held small tears right through his back. It was both nauseating and unsettling.

He heard a sharp intake of breath somewhere above him along with a blasphemy and then felt a hand press against his back. He wasn't sure what happened.

But the moment the hand touched that spot the moment his entire form locked itself in defensive mode. Terror and panic flooded right in as a harsh keening wail crawled out of his mouth. 

-No!

His wings flared up as he flinched away, sitting up and flapping his wings aimlessly in a poor attempt of flying off.

But he couldn't escape.

His wings hadn't been able to do a single thing for him since the fall.

All it did was trigger more pain from the pinched grace on his back which stabbed him with ferocious intent. Causing him to cry out and desperately try to crawl away. Backing off until his back hit a wall. Wings still flapping aimlessly and sending jolts of pain through his entire true form. 

Sam was now holding his hands flat out as if attempting to placate a wild animal. Gaze filled with both concern and worry but all Castiel could feel was pain. All he could think about was wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongthisiswrongwrongwrongwrong . 

Dean was also standing there behind Sam looking both awed and half shocked. Staring at his wings. But all Castiel could focus on was on the flaming soul staring at his wings rather than Dean. It filled him with such amount of fear, panic and foreign betrayal it felt as if he just got punched. 

Because the sudden realization that his wings were visible for the humans to see felt more violating than it should have been. But Sam had touched something and it felt WRONG. He fought to push his wings back into the ethereal plane but that did nothing but send ripples of pain through his back.

It felt as if something was twisted there. Twisted and sealed and it felt wrong. He gasped and trembled as he curled in on himself. Fingers curling around his hair in a failed attempt to ground himself through the growing panic and confusion and terror and it felt so wrong. 

Hold him down.

A strangled sound stuck at the back of his throat as agonizing broken wings wrapped around him in a poor job of what once could had been a perfect and impenetrable shield. His back hurt. Burnt. And as he hid behind his arms he still kept a sharp look on the souls infront of him.

-Hey hey.- Sam called soothingly as he knelt infront of him.- I'm not gonna hurt you. It's okay. I'm sorry if I touched something I shouldn't have I didn't meant to scare or hurt you.

-Dude . You have wings .

Sam glared at him as his brother's words got a distressed sound from the angel.

-I'm kinda freaked out here!- Dean hissed at him.- He has friggin' wings and we can see them and it feels as if I'm seeing him naked! And how aren't our eyes burning?!

-Dean shut up.- Snapped Sam as his brother's words did nothing but get the angel to look more and more as if he was about to bolt out of there. He then turned back to the angel.- Cas? Cas are you hurt? Your back...

Castiel didn't answer. He was staring past Sam and right at Dean.

But something told Sam that the angel wasn't looking at Dean.

After finding out about what made a vessel a.... well a vessel Sam had begun wondering if that was related to how angels and demons treated them in the past.

For a moment it reminded Sam a nauseating lot of how Lucifer had looked at Dean the moment he set his gaze upon him for the first time at Carthage.

It wasn't a look directed at Dean but at that part of his soul that signed Michael's connection with him.

-Cas. Hey, hey look at me. It's fine. You are fine.- Sam was quick to call. Voice as gentle as possible as he got a bit closer to the distressed angel while also doing his best to avoid staring at the dark appendages. Even with the light from Dean's flashlight he could see that the angel was missing most feathers.

-I can't put them back. You shouldn't.... humans aren't suppose to see them. No one is suppose to see them.- Mutters Castiel with a voice smaller than he would like for it to be. Even angels hid their wings from each other. And now he was on plain display and Sam was too close. Part of him screamed to run. To not let them close to his wings. Escape before it was too late.

Too late for what?

He didn't knew.

He wanted Gabriel.

Sam reached out.

Hands in Cas' plain view, his movement were slow and careful. Cas watched his hand warily as it came towards him and his feathers twitched. Causing more pain to shook through his grace. 

And after a few seconds Sam's hand was so close Castiel fought the urge to break through the wall behind him and escape. The hand didn't touch his wings as he had dreaded but rested on his shoulder. Something that filled Castiel with misery because once upon a time that wouldn't had been possible with his wings hugging him.

-I'm sorry.- Is all he finds himself mumbling as the world starts making a bit more of sense over the prior odd panic and terror.- I said I was fine but... I shouldn't have come here.

-That's fine. It's not your fault.- Assures Sam.- Do you think you can you stand?- Asks Sam to which he gets a short nod. Sam helps him up. Cas' wings followed the movement, releasing him from the self hug, flexing. The feathers twitched and ruffled. And despite their state the appendages seemed to provide excellent balance.

Still Sam had to provide some help to keep the angel upright.

-Dean. Is your brain gonna start working again anytime soon?- Asks Sam a bit annoyed that his brother had done nothing but stand there and stare for the past few minutes.

That seemed to bring him out of his spacing.

-Yeah. Sure. Hold a second.- Dean is quick to get to the angel's side and taking hold of his other arm for support. 

And thus the brothers help the angel out. Stepping over clothes and ashes in their wake from what Sam and Dean knew to have been vampires at some point. The place was dark so Castiel seemed to stumble a few times. Wings flaring up at the slightest of trips in order to help stabilize his balance.

It wasn't until the three got outside and the moonlight hit them that Castiel's wings became a sight. Massive and without a doubt the double of Cas' own height. Most feathers were either disheveled, missing or broken and charred. Frizzy and dangerously sharp and pointing in all the wrong directions.

And the color.

In the darkness the feathers had looked as dark as the void itself but beneath the moonlight it was as if its light reflected on the feathers. Giving them a haunting shade of blue with an odd shimmer that mixed purple and swirls of actual black. Scars running all across the bones.

The sight was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking.

Because despite the fact that it looked as if someone had thrown both appendages into a blender and then set them on fire their beauty was still there.

The wings shuddered under their stares and a few feathers found freedom. Dropping to the floor in slow motion.

-Please stop staring.- Castiel's voice reminded Sam and Dean of their current situation and shame settled in.

-Sorry.- Apologized Sam as he peeled his gaze off the angel's back to look at his face. Cas was staring at the ground looking both uncomfortable and pained.

-You do fit in the car right?- Asks Dean out of nowhere at the sudden realization.

-....I would have to lay down but I think I can.- Another reason for Castiel to feel miserable. His wings were in such deplorable state he could fit in the car without troubles.

Thus Castiel climbed on the backseat of the impala. Wings pressed as tight as possible against his back which forced him to tighten his jaw and swallow a pained groan. He laid on his stomach and propped his head on his crossed arms. Wings twitching as Dean closed the door and got into the driver's seat.

-Cas. You good back there?- Asks Dean as he glances at the rearview mirror.

-I'm fine.- Even if he said that his back wasn't that good. Too much movement had brought back the throbbing tightness. His grace was too tight and raw there. It felt wrong and nauseating. He pressed his face against his forearm and swallowed past the lump in his throat. Spasms rippling through his wings.

And as Dean started the car Castiel felt himself relax as the rumble of the impala brought a familiar sense of comfort to his mind.

Two days ago Charlie had been brought to the bunker along with Rowena. Now that the Mark Of Cain was under control for lack of better words the brothers (more like Dean) had desisted from using the spell from the book. Rowena had been chained in the dungeon and left there alone aside from when Sam checked on her because unlike demons the witch did had similar needs to a human.

Castiel wasn't allowed near her though.

He still wondered what was Rowena's deal. Before she had seen amused to have him around and now...

It made no sense at all. 

He wanted to ask her if he had done something that he should apologize for but she had left clear that if he went near her she would make them all regret it.

Castiel couldn't risk the witch's wrath.

He tried to rest for a while but the feeling of his tight grace grew more and more. Making his stomach clench and his wings become restless.

Taking deep breaths seemed to work.

For at least half an hour.

~

Sam and Dean had been throwing glares and looks at each other since their departure from the hotel. Castiel hadn't made a single sound aside from the rustle of feathers from time to time that had the brothers on edge the first few times. Hunter instincts die hard.

Dean wanted to voice out the question everyone knew to not ask.

Sam didn't think it was a good idea.

But at the same time for how long could this go before Castiel either injured himself or an innocent? The angel turned those vampires into dust God knows how and things rather than good seemed to be getting worse.

At this point who knows what could be next.

A sudden pained moan from the backseat caught their attention.

-Cas? You alright back there buddy?- Asked Dean glancing at the rearview mirror. 

His answer were wings hitting the rear window and a pained gasp.

-Stop the car!- Cried out the angel as fire burst from his back and his stomach clenched in a dangerous way due it.

Dean didn't need to be told twice. The road was devoid of cars and dark so he didn't care to be mindful as he pulled at the side of the road.

And Castiel all but forced himself to not rip the door open for Dean would skin him alive if he damaged the car. Crawling out and stumbling onto the grass didn't even register as a piercing burning stabbed right below his wings where his grace was threatening to split apart. So tight and raw he ended up throwing up. Ears ringing and sweat trickling down his forehead.

Even through a blurred vision he was able to see what was without a doubt grace. Flowers sprouting through the shimmering "vomit".

His arms faltered at the sight but a strong grip kept him from falling face first on his own vomit. Someone was talking but his ears were ringing and his back was burning. Wings shaking as the ripples of raw tight grace reflected through them. 

Someone moved him into a sitting position but that  did nothing for the pain which seemed to be increasing. Spreading into four perfect spots of agonizing blindness.

Voices were around him but he couldn't understand them. It hurt to think it hurt to breathe it hurt to blink it hurt to move it hurt to exist . And there were hands touching his face and he didn't like the feeling. It hurt. It felt as if someone was shrinking his vessel and crushing his grace between his true form and vessel. And he didn't want them to touch him.

So he swatted the hands away and the movement did nothing but slap pain through his existence. Making him let out an undignified sound and lean against whatever was holding him upright.

All he wanted was to grab his angel blade and tear out the twisted grace. How did he not notice it before but now that it was hurting? How did this even happen? It was too raw for it to be new and it was too tight to not be noticeable and-

A strange noise caught in his throat and horror settled upon his fogged mind as realization hit him.

Whatever was happening was rooted right into the wavelengths that opened path for his grace to run through his wings.

How was that possible?

Father how did that-

His vision went white for a moment as cramps seized through his shoulderblades and it took his whole strength to not scream out until his vessel lost its own human vocal cords.

He wanted to pierce through his true form and rip the knots apart. Carve out the tightness of his grace even if that meant piercing through his very wings if that meant getting rid of the suffocating pain.

He wanted to carve it and break it and fix it.

But all he could focus on was on how the pain was starting to make him feel like escaping his vessel which he knew would do nothing but make the pain worse. And still part of him still attempted it.

Something smacked his mouth shut and he sobbed.

He wanted the pain to stop. 

He could feel hands at the back of his head. Hands .

Good hands for carving.

If he hadn't been in so much pain he would have thought twice about this but he wanted the pain gone. Now .

So through the pain and blurred sight he uttered a request most angels would see as reason enough to rip apart any human within proximity.

~

Dean didn't even manage to stop the car completely before the angel had scrambled out with the dignity of a drunk.

Both brothers were quick to step out of the car as the angel did the most unexpected thing.

He threw up. Wings flailing aimlessly.

-Is that grace?

-Are you seriously staring at angel's puke?

Even if Dean said that he couldn't help but watch between disgusted and disturbed how flowers sprouted and took over that patch.

The angel's arms seemed to falter and Dean was at his side in less than a second to prevent him from falling face first on what once was vomit and now was a small patch of flowers. Careful to not touch the wings.

-Take it easy man. Did you get car sick?- Asked Dean as he helped the angel into a sitting position. Even if he asked that he could see his wings were back to shaking and God he was sweating . Breathing shallow and pained.

-He's burning.- Said Sam unsettled the second he kneeled infront of the angel and pressed his hand against his forehead.

-Is he sick?- Asked Dean unsettled. Since when did angels got sick?

-I don't know.- Frowned Sam taking the angel's face between his hands.- Cas? Hey can you hear me? What's wrong? Is it a spell? Did the vampires did something?

Glazed blue flashed between half lidded eyes before sluggish hands swatted Sam's hands off with a miserable whimper. Then the angel leaned against Dean's side for support. Shaking.

-Dude what the hell do we do?- Asks Dean as he felt each tremor coming from the angel. What the hell were they suppose to do if Cas wouldn't speak? And moving him didn't seem like a bright idea either.

-Maybe it will pass. It always seems to pass.- Tells Sam remembering what has been happening ever since that night.

-No. I don't think this is the same. Something is wrong.- Dean wasn't sure how but he had a feeling this was different than the prior times.

Then what sounded like a strange mix between an angel's true voice and a whimper left Castiel.

No.

Not good at all.

-Shit Sam we gotta do something.- Dean was starting to feel like when he heard Charlie at that damn motel room with the friggin' Frankenstein.

Even more so when Cas gasped and slumped against him like dead weight. Wings going limp as he grabbed onto Dean's arm with agonizing force.

-Son of- God .

Sam gave him a look before turning back to the agonizing angel who seemed to have troubles breathing and existing in general.

Then Castiel did something that for the first time since either of the brothers had ever known him triggered their hunter instincts against the angel.

His eyes shone bright even through closed eyes and his mouth opened with a light glow.

And just like that Sam and Dean's hands smacked against the angel's mouth which got them a broken sob in return.

-Don't you fucking dare to smoke out on us or whatever the fuck angels call it.- Snapped Dean though he felt as taken aback as Sam looked.

Because if the angel had attempted to leave the vessel that meant he was hurting hard enough to want to escape in quite the literal manner.

-Come on man. That's not an option we can still help.- Tells Dean as he pulls the angel against his shoulder to shield his face from another potential escape. His hand holding the back of his head.

Muffled words got Dean shifting the angel's head on his shoulder.

-Cas? What is it?

-Angel blade.- Came the broken whisper as the angel lifted his arm enough to reveal the shimmer of his angel blade.

-Angel blade? Is an angel doing this?- Asked Sam now looking around in high alarm.

-No.- Father it hurt to speak and Castiel could feel his grace starting to split right through the paths of his left wing. Sending a pulse of white pain through the whole appendage. It wasn't a matter of trust anymore.

If he didn't get someone to carve the ones below and above his shoulderblades he was gonna lose his wings.

And maybe that's the thought that grants him enough strenght to speak.

-You have to carve it out...- His voice came out broken and pitched as he spoke, miserable.- I know it's no use keeping something that is no longer useful but I can't, I don't want to lose them. Please . You have to carve it out.- Having an angel pleading felt more wrong than either of the brothers ever expected.

-What do I need to carve out?- Asks Sam because Dean sure as hell wasn't gonna carve on the angel a second time. After the banishing sigil from years ago Dean still got nightmares. Also. He didn't want to pass him to Sam. If Castiel chose to leave someone deaf or with shattered bones he wanted it to be him over Sam.

Still neither of them expected the next blood curling words.

-My grace.

-Your- Cas I can't do that.- Said Sam horrified as the angel gave him a miserable look before speaking.

-Angels... our wings are connected to our grace. There are specific wavelengths that open path for our grace to run as free as it pleases through our wings. But something is wrong... I... Use the angel blade and carve right below the shoulderblades.

The angel looked and sounded as if he would sell his own soul if he had one if that meant he wouldn't have had to tell them what he just told them.

Another alarming flag.

-What if I do something wrong?- Asks Sam feeling nauseous at the sudden thought of accidentally crippling the angel. An angel. God Castiel was begging him to help him and he couldn't . Because the single thought of committing such a dangerous mistake froze his entire being with pure panic.

-I believe the problem is visible enough to allow itself to be carved out by even humans.- Castiel flinched and sucked in a sharp breath when the grace sent a whiplash right across the whole extension of his spine. He almost snapped Dean's arm in two.

Almost.

Instead he pressed his face against Dean's shoulder in a failed attempt to muffle his true voice. Fingers curling around where he knew the hunter had his handprint. The action felt unexpectedly soothing for his agonizing grace. Even if just for a spare second.

-Sam. Do it.- Ordered Dean as he winced under the sharp metallic infernal pitch that he had no wishes to hear so close ever again. The angel's hand on that shoulder and on that spot felt awkward but he didn't attempt to get it off.

Sam for his side faltered before reaching for Castiel's arm where the angel blade was still shimmering. He was careful as he took it and as his fingers curled around the hilt he wasn't sure how to feel. He glanced at the angel's back where the glowing cuts had come from earlier.

Right below his wings.

Four holes decorated the angel's clothes.

How was he even suppose to get to his back?

Dean seemed to read his thoughts though.

-Cut them off. The clothes.- He added when the angel flinched and one of the wings almost hit Sam square on the face.- Sam can cut the clothes off right?- Asks Dean to which he gets a short nod.

And thus Sam uses his knife to cut through the trench coat, the suit jacket and the shirt.

Once that's done the sight he gets wasn't one he was expecting. For one the wings were without a doubt a clear part of Cas' body.

But there were thin trails that shone with a ferocious blueish gleam and ran all over the base of the wings and a bit lower and onto the center of his back between his shoulderblades. As Castiel had said the problem was clear.

Because while most trails were holding a calm flow of what was without doubt grace the ones farther from his shoulderblades were wilder and thicker with a shade of an almost blinding white rather than blue as the others. Though it did held some blue sparks.

He touched them just to be sure. The angel flinched and his wings twitched.

-Is this it?- Asked Sam tracing the white trails for more emphasis. He could feel them buzzing with power. Almost burning to the touch.

-Yes.

-What do I have to do?

-There are sparks. Trail them with the angel blade and don't stop until all the sparks are gone.

Easier said than done. Sam held the angel blade and it took him one sharp look from Dean and a pained moan from Castiel to get him going.

And the second he pierced through the first one the angel released Dean's arm and curled his fingers into a fist. Not a single sound came out of him aside from a shuddering breath. His wings on the other hand shock before shooting up and for a moment both brothers thought the angel would take off on them.

But he didn't.

The wings fell back and began shaking harder. Drapping around Dean to the hunter's disturbance.

-You alright?- Asked Dean getting a short nod from the angel that allowed Sam to release a breath he didn't knew he was holding.

Sam resumed his work, quick but careful and he watched almost in awe as the second he finished the first line the white flow took hold of most of the closest blueish trails turning them a lighter blue almost white.

Castiel seemed to tense up but otherwise didn't react.

-Keep going.

And Sam did kept going. Careful as if he was dealing with a ticking bomb that was set to go nuclear. All so he wouldn't end up doing something wrong. 

All the while Dean made sure to keep a good hold of the angel who seemed closer and closer to snapping the more Sam kept on. Feathers digging into his skin without breaking through it and steel-like fingers grabbing his shoulders.

There was a special one that did got a reaction from the angel.

Thunder and lightning rumbled above as Castiel cried out. Wings flaring out behind him and giving Sam little to none time to dodge getting hit as he curled against Dean as if hoping for the hunter to hide him.

-Dude please don't roast us.- Half plead Dean nervous as another lightning struck and a tree burst into flames, the angel panting as if he had run a marathon and shaking. Dean had completely forgotten about the fact that angels could do that shit.

Castiel didn't answer.

But the lightning and thunder stopped.

And the moment Sam reached the last one all the lines that had been blueish had become a bright white with just tinges of blue. The angel's shoulders and wings sagged to a whole new level and Dean was able to find out just how heavy an angel could be.

-Cas?- Called Dean patting the angel's shoulder.- You okay?

No answer.

For Castiel it felt as if someone had reset him. The sudden freedom in his grace got the ancient one trailing right towards his back and taking with it some of the edge it never seemed to die down. He shuddered and so did his wings as that odd grace ran through his back and flowed through his wings.

Then he felt it.

Something from his true form sprouted through the ethereal plane.

No.

That wasn't....

Sudden panic and confusion punched him and those in the ethereal plane moved without his consent. Castiel wasn't even sure what happened but one moment he was leaning against Dean and the next one he had crashed face first on the ground with such unnatural speed dirt and grass filled his mouth. He heard a shout somewhere and the sound of running across grass.

Castiel shot up and spat out the grass and dirt.

-Dude what the hell?!

Dean's shout got Castiel straightening up as he felt his wings shuffle in the ethereal plane. No longer visible.

And six.

Seraphim had four wings not six.

Castiel wasn't even created as a Seraph to begin with.

His grace was too damaged for molting. How did his wings even healed without molting? That shouldn't be possible. This shouldn't be happening. How was this happening?

Not that that wasn't good.

The idea of being able to use his wings again was more than pleasing.

Still.

It made no sense at all.

His wings and the grace running through them told him one thing though.

If he wasn't careful he would end up ripping through the ethereal plane and crashing through time and space in more literals aspects than he was comfortable with.

And that shouldn't be possible either.

The worst thing was that it didn't felt violating nor invading.

It felt familiar. 

As if he just got back something he had never thought he had missed.

-Cas? 

-I'm... fine. I just.... got startled and flew off I'm sorry...- That was all Castiel could tell them. Because he didn't understand what was happening and the last thing he needed were questions he wanted answers from too.

-Okay... How about we head back to the bunker before something else happens?- Tells Dean as he offers his hand to the angel and helps him off the ground. Sam hands him his angel blade.

-Thank you.- He tells as he takes the angel blade.

Climbing back into the backseat is less torturing than before now that his wings are back in the ethereal plane. He uses his grace to fix his clothes.

-So? How you doing?- Asks Dean as he closes his door.

-I'm fine.

-You do know we have to talk about what happened back there right?

Castiel doesn't answer. He just laid down and closed his eyes.

A bit longer.

Just for a bit longer he wanted to keep acting as if none of this was connected. If he kept blaming Metatron things would be easier.

-I think he's asleep.- Informed Sam as he turned to the backseat and caught sight of the angel's face. He looked stressed.

-I swear I'm gonna kick his ass.

-Dean.

-Shut up. If I have to summon his ass and trap him in a ring of holy fire in order to get answers I will do it. I'm done playing nice.

Chapter Text

Castiel was sitting at the war room.

He knew what the reason for Sam and Dean to call him here was. He knew Dean was starting to get.... aggressive ideas on how to get him to talk.

And to be honest since he got his wings back he had been feeling even more.... weird. Dreams more vivid but still faceless and nameless presences. Some dreams hurt and others filled him with happiness and peace. 

-You know the reason we are here. So. Speak up.- Orders Dean which gets him a disapproving look from Sam.

-Cas. Look, we just want to understand what is going on okay? We want to help you but we can't if you won't tell us what's wrong.- Sam chooses a more gentle tone as he speaks.

Castiel looks down at his hands and ponders how mad would the brothers get if he was to take off.

He decides against it and thus he finds himself talking despite his better judgement.

-I was blaming Metatron at first but... that was an excuse to put aside the fact that things had never been right even before I met him. But now it won't go away. Now it seems to be getting worse.

-What do you mean by things never being right? What won't go away? What is getting worse?- Asks Dean which gets the angel avoiding his gaze.

Castiel for his side didn't answer. 

-Cas, what is it?- Asks Sam, voice as gentle as ever.

-When Rapahel and Lucifer killed me. Both times I was brought back I heard someone but I couldn't make out their words. When I woke up at the river after the Leviathans I had no memories but I heard someone shout. 

-You said that Daphne chick found you. Wasn't she the one shouting? You know, because you were naked .- Reminds him Dean to which he gets a look from Sam that clearly said "Shut up Dean."

-No. I heard that same shout ordering me to wake up when the prophet was awakened along with a pinch. I have also heard it whenever I kill an angel. Though more than a shout it's like a whisper... telling me to stop . That it's wrong . That it's not their fault.

It didn't felt as horrible as it had with Balthazar and Samandriel but it still felt wrong .

And don't even remind him how it felt like to not be able to stop Gadreel from killing himself. Or to kill Raphael. Hurt Michael to that extent.

Or leaving Lucifer and Michael in the cage when he went for Sam.

Castiel would never forget the burn in his grace and the overhelming need to free them when he had heard his brothers' screams.

But that wasn't something he wanted the Winchesters to know. No one could know.

-It's like when I first touched the angel tablet... it had felt like I had to run. Like there was someone who couldn't have it no matter what. And when I broke out of Naomi's control it had felt like a hundred stinging scratches were bleeding all over. When I became human it stopped happening and it didn't came back either when I began using stolen grace. 

-But you got your grace back and it started happening again?- Supplied Sam helpfully.

Castiel nodded.

Both brothers were having a storm of questions at that. Mixed feelings.

For one side it could be understandable that Cas wouldn't tell them the Raphael and Lucifer bit considering they barely knew each other at the time. But they had known for years now. How could he not tell them about something so alarming? 

And what the hell did it all meant at all?

Now Dean didn't even knew if to keep resenting the angel for running off with the angel tablet rather than letting them guard it when Cas himself hadn't apparently have a straight choice in the matter.

-When did it start happening? Was it ever as bad as...?- Sam doesn't finishes his sentence but Castiel knows what he is referring to.

-I'm not sure... It has never been something to take into account... Though when I got my grace back it had come with a persistent ache. I thought that it would go but now my grace feels on edge every single moment and... I think something is wrong. Not just with my grace but... everything is wrong.

-What do you mean?

Castiel looked up at their worried faces. How was he suppose to tell them that he shouldn't had been able to save Charlie? How did he tell them Charlie was suppose to be dead right now? That him saving her was plain luck due unknown circumstances.

-Cas what does that mean?- Asked Dean. Castiel stared back at him with an unreadable expression.

-I shouldn't have been able to save Charlie.

-Why not? She prayed to you and you came.

-Dean. I shouldn't have been able to save her because I couldn't fly.

Those words made the presents' blood run cold.

-What? 

-As I told you before. Our wings are connected to our grace and... when Metatron took my grace it damaged my wings. When I saved Charlie I could no longer use them to teleport or travel through time because it wasn't possible. 

-But you had your grace back. Shouldn't that have healed them?

-My grace was too damaged to fix them. That's why I still used my car. I couldn't fly and still I got to her. I don't even remember when or how I got there. All I know is that I heard Charlie, something burnt and then I was in that room. I saved her and I don't even know how I did it.

He didn't mention the fact where he had felt the man's soul before he even saw it. Rotten. Damned.

Castiel had reacted before he could even process it. Shoving his arm through the man and crushing his damned soul. All he had wanted was to get rid of the rotten presence and save the pure one.

It was all so confusing the more he gave it thought.

-Was it because of that that it came kicking back like that?- Asks Dean. Should he file it out as not praying to Cas anymore to avoid future incidents?

-No... I don't know. The pain wasn't pleasant but... I think it gave me some clarity. The voices... they were glitched rather than muffled this time and I did manage to get a few words before it all became too loud to stand.- He muttered before adding with some humor.- I think I get now how humans feel when we use our true voices.

Dean snorted.

-What did the voices say? 

Castiel frowned for a moment. Forcing the glitched whispers that never allowed themselves to pass through that wall to clear enough to make sense.

-"Are you sure about this?" "Of course. What could go wrong?" "What if the archangels find out?" "They won't."- Each word Castiel repeated each stab of pain pinched through his vessel's skull and he found himself having to grab his head as a wave of dizziness hit him.

This was the same as before and once again he wondered what couldn't the archangels find out.

Whose voice had been that.

He felt like he knew but it would never come forward.

Father he hated this. He hated not knowing. The first voice felt familiar but blocked. The second one hadn't been an angel but at the same time it had felt like whoever it belonged to it wielded a reverential presence within. Pure and white and so bright and warm.

It confused him.

The last two....

"What if the archangels find out?"

"They won't."

There was a flash that hit his head like a hammer and forced him to curl in on himself. Blurred and white so white and someone was screaming. It was burning again. His head hurt and it hurt and it was tearing apart and Father his eyes were burning . A whirring sound was echoing. The room was white white white. He had to get out. He was tied down tied down tiedtiedtied.

"Samael wasn't cooperative and the Mark had corrupted him so we had to get rid of him."

What?

"Best test for dear Michael's skills."

Shut up.

"Should have seen the aberration's face when he realized Michael was the one who had come to kick him out under Father's orders."

No. Samael.

"Raphael, Uriel and Azrael were easy once you pulled the right strings. Gabriel though, the coward ran off before we could finish. You though. Poor poor-

-Castiel!

Castiel's whole body jerked as Dean's voice pierced through the screams and bleeding whispers. Through the burning in his eyes and the melting stitches that blended the world behind the cracked walls into a blurred mess of pain, terror and betrayal.

And into the panic haze he was in one single thing he recognized.

The soul at his side held a brand so overwhelmingly bright and familiar his arms tightened around it. His grace was glitching and it screamed for something from this soul but the brand didn't answer. It didn't answer and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. It was so bright so bright and why wouldn't it answer. And there were words spilling out and he couldn't breathe. This soul was here and it wouldn't answer to him why wouldn't it answer?!

Another soul touched him.

Warm flames.

"Gabriel was wrong. Liars have no place in Heaven."

Castiel flinched. Hiding. Holding onto the bright one. Holding tight onto it. And he still couldn't breathe. But breathing wasn't an issue when there was pain to come if the warm flames came too close. Brightness was what he wanted. He needed it. Pain was coming. He wanted to hide hide hide.

And then the warm flames reached forward.

A sting of damnation in it.

His grace flared up. No . He couldn't let him get to the bright light. He was gonna hurt it more. No one wanted to help it. No one could see it was in pain. No one could see Heaven was wrong. Couldn't see something was wrong. No one-

The second Castiel took hold of the warm flames with all the intent of breaking its light the second he felt his grace shut down and his chest constrict.

Blue met green.

And then the world around him became more lucid than it had felt in a long long time.

~

Maybe asking Castiel about something he had no clue over when it had also caused such reaction hadn't been the best idea.

But the words he had repeated in a monotonous voice could be translated in a lot of ways. Could be bad the same as it could be good.

He had grabbed his head with an odd look that had soon developed into a frown as if he was hoping to make sense of the words.

And then shit hit the fan.

Castiel sucked in a sharp breath and then flinched as if he had been struck. Grabbing his hair and curling in on himself with strangled cry.

-Shit! Cas?- Called out Dean cursing and cursing himself for not seeing this outcome. Had they set something off again? The angel's fingers left his hair to dig his fingernails against his forehead and the heels of his hands against his eyes. His breathing soundeding wrong.

-Hey hey hey it's okay.- Tried Sam grabbing Cas' wrists when the angel began scratching at his head and forehead too hard for it to be left alone. That just got the angel to start shaking.

-Dude what the hell do we do?

-Make sure he doesn't hurt himself.- Is all Sam can come up with as he begins rubbing soft circles around Cas' back. He didn't even know what was happening. It wasn't a panic attack and despite all this didn't felt like some kind of PTSD episode. Cas felt the actual pain. Something more was going on here and Sam had no clue how to deal with it and neither did the angel for the looks of it.

And Cas had tried to run off because of this. The idea of the angel agonizing in some motel room or an abandoned place didn't sound comforting at all.

Then Cas chose the bright moment to shot up and break his wrists free from Sam's hold. Both crashing on the ground with such force Sam saw spots in his vision. Arms wrapping around Sam's mid with such unforgiving force the sound of a bone cracking was heard in the silence of the room.

-Castiel!

Castiel's whole body jerked at Dean's voice but rather than snapping out of it he tightened his grip around Sam. Eyes wild with panic and curling all up as if attempting to go koala style on Sam who barely was able to sit up.

-Dean not helping!- Snapped Sam in a wheeze. God he had a broken rib. He just knew it. And God Cas was crushing him with those arms who felt like pure steel. How could someone so lanky wield such grip? And one of the angel's knees was pressing against his ribs which did nothing to lessen the pain.

He could almost feel the angel's skin buzzing with what Sam hoped to be tremors and not static. Breathing now coming out in short gasps close to Sam's chest.

-I think he is having the panic attack now.- Informs Sam as he tries catching a glimpse of the angel's face without avail.

Not that he needed to in order to make out that whatever Cas was hearing or seeing was scaring the crap out of him more than hurting him.

-Of fucking course he is.

-Dean .- Wheezed out Sam as he felt Castiel bring him closer if that was even possible at this point. It felt as if the angel was attempting a fusion between them and God his chest was burning with the angel clinging to him like a friggin' leech. Steel-like fingers gripping his shirt and legs threatening to shatter his ribcage into nothingness.

And despite his agonizing state part of Sam still felt amazement at the angel's display of strength.

But of course as if things couldn't get worse Cas began muttering in Enochian. Between the words a name was repeated over and over again.

Sam .

That same name again.

And part of Sam wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that Cas was without a doubt clinging to him due the angel signature in his soul.

-Cas, buddy. You have to calm down. You are hurting Sam.- Plead Dean as gentle as possible not wanting to make things worse and accidentally set Cas into snapping his brother like a glowing stick. His hand resting on the angel's shoulder.

And oh boy touching him did nothing but throw hope out of the window.

Castiel flinched. Hard . And despite the pain Sam was in he could feel it now. The angel wanted Sam to hide him. It reminded Sam an awful lot of when he was still unaware of the supernatural world and would crawl into Dean's bed because of a nightmare.

-Dean I think-- Sam's voice cut off when he felt another rib snap at the pressure and Christ he could swear on his soul his back just cracked.

Dean reached forward on instinct. Because Sam was hurt and fuck if he didn't got Cas off him he was gonna kill him and-

Cas' head shot up and the change in the atmosphere was almost immediate. The lights flickered and the angel's eyes glew a bright white.

And oh God there were bloodied tear tracks running down his face.

Cas released Sam. Or at least got his arms off him.

Then his hand grabbed Dean's shirt. Pulling him forward with unforgiving force and murder clear on his face as he raised his other hand with a definitive intent.

-No!

Sam's shout didn't even die down before the angel had released Dean.

Cas stared at Dean as if he was seeing him for the first time. Or more as if he was staring at someone completely different. Striking blue against green.

And then a name slipped out.

-Michael. 

-Dude I swear to God if you keep calling me Michael I will use a banishing sigil against your ass for the whole week.- Dean's words seemed to steal the sudden light in the angel's eyes and then he frowned.

-I'm sorry...- Muttered Castiel suddenly feeling light headed. Then he seemed to realize what he was doing and released Sam who was now holding his abdomen with a pained look.- I'm sorry Sam. I didn't meant to hurt you.- He said as he pressed two fingers against the younger Winchester's forehead. Healing broken bones.

-That's fine. I guess an angel hug can win over a bear one.- Joked Sam which got him a tilted head from the angel.

-So. Asking questions about... Whatever the hell is happening to you is out of the list. Or at least while someone is close enough to get grabbed.- Tells Dean and even then he can't manage to feel the humor he wanted to convey. Because he had almost watched his best friend kill his brother over a friggin'... Whatever the hell this was.

And Dean didn't had to be a genius to know it.

Know that Michael was involved in the potential death of the angel Cas was suppose to protect.

And he wasn't sure how to feel about being seen as a threat when Cas is like that.

-I think I know what's wrong but... I'm not sure. I could be wrong.- Castiel wasn't sure about a lot of things right now. He does remember the pain but the words.... The whispers had disappeared and now he couldn't reach them. It felt so frustrating and irritating at the same time.

Would this ever end?

-What is it?

-I think I have a wall.

The moment those words left Castiel's mouth the moment the room became silent as death.

-When you say wall. Are we talking about the same psychological wall that can be erected inside someone's mind to serve as a blockade between the person and their memories? Like the one I had? That kind of wall?- Asked Sam trying and failing to wrap his head around the new information.

-Aren't those walls used to forget bad memories?- Frowns Dean now feeling less and at the same time more eager to get to the bottom of this whole situation.

-No... With the right abilities you can make one forget a person, things related to a person, things related to yourself. Even leave your mind in blank so someone else can fill it with whatever they want.- Told Cas as he stared down at his bloodied fingertips after touching his face.

-If it's a wall why don't kick it down then?

-Dean!- Snapped Sam horrified at his brother's words.- We can't approach this like that!- If Castiel reacted so bad already he didn't want to know what would happen if the wall came tumbling down.

-Then what the hell are we suppose to do? Look how he reacts to the damn thing. He's even doing stuff he is not suppose to and he seems to have put the damn Mark on a friggin' time out.- Snaps Dean. Of course he knew this wasn't way of approaching this, he had seen the state Sam was left in. But there were a lot of things that made no sense at all right now and it all seemed to revolve around the damn wall.

Castiel huffed.

His memories were all blurred and now that he knew there was a wall he could feel it.

It was cracked and old and so…

Wrong.

And this blood….

-Naomi.

-Naomi?

-She's the one who had access to my mind the most. I believe if someone would put a wall in my head it would be her.

-So we trap the bitch and make her-

-She's dead. Metatron stabbed her on the skull with the drill.- Cut off Castiel as he remembered Naomi's corpse on the table.

-Drill?

Castiel didn't bother to answer. He got up from the floor and pressed a hand against the side of his head as another wave of.... something hit him. And he had the sudden urge to want Gabriel with him.

-When the wall was crumbling I was hallucinating.- Sam came to the sudden realization as he glanced at the angel.

-I'm not hallucinating.- Frowned Castiel as he wiped the blood off his face with his sleeve before offering his hand to Sam who was still on the floor.

-What if because of Naomi being dead the wall is starting to crumble down?- Pondered Sam as he accepted the angel's offered hand. Cas pulling him up in one swift move as if he was nothing but a twig.

-That's not how it works.- Frowned Cas almost as if the sole implication was the greatest idiotic choice of words he had ever heard.

-You said this began before even meeting Metatron. For how long has it been happening to be more precise?- Asked Sam which got him the angel avoiding their gazes and visibly growing uncomfortable.

-I... it began the moment I grabbed Dean's soul in hell.

Silence.

-How so?- Asks Sam seeing that Dean is too focused on feeling awkward and uncomfortable to ask.

-I don't know. I have touched other souls before but Dean's...

It did something that shouldn't be possible.

-Dean's what? What happened?

-When I said we shared a more profound bond I meant it in a literal aspect. When I touched Dean's soul in Hell it... it did something. We are connected. The handprint on his shoulder is tied to his soul and bound to my grace. I cannot kill him nor bring mortal harm to him even if I wanted to because it shuts off my grace. Naomi wasn't pleased with that...

Dean was now touching his shoulder and feeling more disturbed than he was willing to admit. How the hell was he suppose to react to that knowledge? It was uncomfortable on a whole ass new level.

Meanwhile Sam was staring at the angel and then at Dean. Studying Cas' words.

A sudden thought crossed his mind but he brushed it off.

Nah. That couldn't be.

He would have to look on the lore though.

Because an angel's grace connected to a human soul didn't sound as something that should be overlooked. And the fact that Cas' grace reacted like that to him hurting Dean despite all didn't sound comforting either.

It could lead to disastrous outcomes.

Chapter Text

As a matter of fact Sam couldn't brush it off.

He threw himself into guardian angels lore. 

And there was a page in specific that stuck to him.

Guardian Angels

Their function is to guard and serve whichever soul God assigns them to from the moment of birth. Watch over them either in their weakest moments such as sleep and sickness or to protect them from danger, both physical and spiritual.

Guardian angels wield the power to ward off evil and give strength against temptations. They only show up in times of great need and they stay for a lifetime.

These angels can only be made to manifest by their protected and can't leave their side. In doing so their grace will dim out and so will their minds causing great changes within the angel's very core. 

And eventually the angel will die for a guardian's grace is connected to their protected soul.

Guardian angels are the only angels unaffected by the presence of an archangel.

As Sam finished reading he couldn't help but stare.

And stare at the screen of his laptop.

Watch them in their sleep. 

Wield the power to ward off evil.

Give strength against temptations.

They only show up in great times of need and they stay for a lifetime.

Can't leave their side.

Grace connected to their soul.

Unaffected by the presence of an archangel.

But it didn't made sense.

If Castiel was Dean's guardian angel he would have to know it himself wouldn't he? And he had never heard the angel mention that kind of angels.

Something was missing here. Pieces of a puzzle that refused to come together.

And what was that that Cas would die if he got separated from Dean? The angel hadn't never been one to hang around for too long.

None of this made sense.

He would have to ask Dean and hope his brother wouldn't give his back to this theory.

~

As expected Dean didn't react well to Sam's theory.

The second he finished reading the page the second he scoffed and shut the laptop with an irritated vibe.

-Sam. We are suppose to be searching for information about whatever the hell is happening to him we don't have time for this kind of bullshit.

-Dean.- Began Sam as he licked his lips and sat down, glancing at the corridor to make sure Castiel wasn't suddenly standing there.- Look I know it sounds weird but think about it. He brought you back-

-Because he said the dicks had work for me. He didn't do it from the goodness of his heart.- Cut off Dean reminding his brother the main reason angels even approached them in the first place.

-He gave that to the Mark.- Told Sam pointing at the golden sigils on Dean's knuckles.

-He's an angel. An angel's job is to fight off evil, maybe he has some hidden mojo not even he is aware of.

-Dean-

-Sam no .- Snapped Dean cutting his brother off. While part of him couldn't find a logical excuse to escape this sudden realization another part of him felt nauseous and in denial.

Because if that was true then that meant... but not even Cas knew what was it. It made no sense at all.

Castiel had gone great lengths for them. Had never refused to go with Dean's requests even if that meant putting himself in the line of fire. Like the time travel thing that Dean bullied him into and left the angel coughing up blood and comatose for hours. 

The angel had come back to him even after Dean was a total dick. When he left him to decipher on his own how to get on a plane and get back to them after the banishing sigil fucked his grace up. When he kicked him out of the bunker or when he treated him like shit while he was crazy.

It still made him nauseous sometimes to remember how his future self had been so fine with using Cas as bait and get him killed in the act.

Because after Gadreel Dean had come to realize he couldn't nor wanted to chose Sam over Cas or viceverse.

The idea of his best friend almost brother being connected like that to him didn't settle well with him.

From birth.

Can't leave their side.

Their grace will dim out and so will their minds causing great changes within the angel's very core. 

Naomi had scrubbed Cas' mind God knows how many times. Dean had never once in his life (and he knew that for a fact) have someone watching over him aside from himself.

Since the moment he met him Castiel had been a walking oddity compared to other angels.

God.

If Sam was right that meant Naomi had fucked with Castiel's mind enough to keep him away from him and ignore his existence until Heaven needed him. The bitch had been killing Cas slowly and not just physically speaking.

It meant Castiel touching his soul had triggered the angel more than Heaven probably thought it would.

-God Sammy I hope you are wrong.

~

Castiel wasn't sure what was wrong.

Sam and Dean had called him but neither of them had said a single word. The brothers looked anxious but uncomfortable and there was also something akind to an odd plea in Dean's eyes.

-What's wrong?- He choses to ask after another minute went through without the Winchesters talking. 

-Cas. Are there guardian angels?- Asks Sam feeling like he should be the one to ask. The angel gives him a weird look but he still answers.

-A long time ago. After the archangels came to be and before the angels God created a few guardians as a test to see how angels and humans would fit together. I heard Lucifer was the one responsible in killing them all as one of his many acts of hatred against humanity. He found it humiliating and pathetic that a divine being would bow to a weak creature. Degrading that an angel would have to depend on that human from the moment of their birth to the moment of their death.

-So there are no more left of those?- Asks Dean. Of course Lucifer would do something like that. Leave it to the devil to get rid of the only angels who could have been on humanity's side.

-I doubt so. Guardian angels were connected to the first one through their grace. Without him the rest died eventually.

-The first one?

-Yeah. He was.... important. Somehow.

Dean gave Sam a look that Castiel wasn't able to decipher. Sam returned the look to Dean with a firm glare. The angel watched the exchange curiously.

-Why are you interested in guardian angels? Did you find some kind of case related to them?- Ponders Castiel with a frown. That couldn't be the case because as far as he knew guardian angels no longer existed which to be honest was a shame.

Humans would be so much safer if a guardian angel was commanded to protect them.

-No... Look I know this is gonna sound weird but after I heard what Dean's soul did to you I couldn't help but research through the lore and...

-You think I'm a guardian angel?- Finished Castiel for Sam who nodded in return.- I'm afraid that can't be. Guardian angels are dead and even if one managed to survive the death of The first one which is not possible Raphael would have made sure to kill them the second the angel didn't fade with the rest. Even more so if I was that angel.- He added at last and there was something in the way he said it that picked their interest.

-What do you mean even more so if it was you?

-Because I'm broken.- Stated Castiel matter of fact. As if it was something he had been hearing since the beginning of times and no longer cared to approach to its full extent.

-Broken....?

-.... There are over nine categories in which angels fall in depending their level of power and/or duties concerning either Heaven or humanity. But all of them have one thing in common. None of them are able to stand against an archangel's presence nor go against their orders. 

At Dean's look Castiel was quick to explain. There was something the brothers should understand.

-It's not about courage, loyalty or whatsoever. Biologically speaking angels can't withstand an archangel's presence. Their grace is so strong it's... overhelming. Same goes to their orders. The second the order is out the second obedience replaces free will.

-And let me guess. You gave two fucks about the archangels and that ticked them off.- Grinned Dean feeling quite proud at the thought of Castiel standing against the archangels even before rebelling.

-For the most part. Naomi said I have never done what was told of me. Not completely. I didn't care about the archangels' presences or orders. Part of me felt compelled to stand away because that's what I was always told to do, not because I really wanted to. Not really. I guess that adds to Naomi's words of me having come out with a crack in my chassis.

-Dude . That's called having free will not being broken. To hell with that manipulative bitch!- Acclaimed Dean matter of fact.

Castiel didn't think the same. Dean didn't understand. Angels were suppose to follow orders. As Raphael had said angels were made to follow not to think for themselves. In Heaven those who thought for themselves were punished.

-Raphael didn't like it. Naomi said she had to fix me over and over and over again. If I was a guardian angel which I'm not I believe Raphael would have killed me rather than attempt something as impossible as impose an archangel's power over a being who was created to do one single task. Protect their charge even against God Himself if it was necessary. Why bother with mind control?

That was an actual good question.

If it was as Cas said shouldn't have Heaven gotten rid of him rather than attempt controlling him? Why go through so much trouble for an angel? It made no sense at all.

-There was a sentence that said that guardian angels can only be made to manifest by their protected. What did that mean?- Asks Sam. He had a feeling that that of "made to manifest" held a different meaning from summoning.

-Guardian angels. Their obedience befell to some extent at the hands of their charge. If their charge wanted them to manifest their true form before them they would do it.

-Wouldn't their eyes burn out of their sockets?

-No. The link between soul and grace protected them to a certain extent. The same goes with their true voice. And as I remember Dean wasn't spared of the damage of my true voice. Now if there is nothing else I would like to go take a walk.- Dictates Castiel before getting up. He was growing irritated with this endless and pointless conversation.

Dean's voice though reached his ears.

-Wait.

Castiel huffed as he stopped and gave the hunter a look. Waiting for whatever the brothers had come up with now. Dean gave Sam a look that the other returned with an insistent glare.

Weird.

Not as weird as Dean's next words.

-Show me your wings.

Castiel frowned at the order. Even more so when his grace tingled. He straightened as he felt.... something.

He would had asked Dean what was he aiming for if he hadn't felt the pull of his wings leaving the ethereal plane without his consent.

And that felt more unsettling and violating than having Purgatory's souls inside him had felt.

-You have more? - Breathed out the older hunter and Castiel found himself bristling and wiping around in order to both face the humans and hide his wings as best as possible.

That did nothing for the stares set upon his wings though.

Both Sam and Dean being unable to do nothing but stare at what hasn't been there the last time.

Castiel had six wings.

Six .

And his wings no longer held their deplorable state.

And in their perfect state the sight was more overhelming than expected. 

The first set which was the one the brothers had seen before now had a more noticeable shade of ocean blue with black swirls and an odd purple shimmer. Tips glowing with a metallic shade of silver.

The second set were as dark as the void itself with an even darker green that was more than noticeable in the flight feathers. Most of the feathers across the bone wielded that same metallic silver with strange patterns.

The third set was.... well the third set stood out like a sore thumb amongst the dark colors from the other two set of wings.

Some feathers were a bright and almost fluorescent hue of a disturbing pink. Others were such a pure shade of gold it was breathtaking. There were others with a soft shade of ash that reminded one of storm clouds. Another handful wielded a stunning shade of indigo. Some bits were whiteish with soft tones of blue. Others the deepest shade of striking green the world had to offer. And another handful a deep grayish tone with lavender tips.

The longest ones though were between a striking hue of liquified silver and such blinding white it gave them a mild headache.

And all the feathers were without a doubt able to be used as knives. Frizzy and sharp. Promising nothing but pain if touched.

-Please stop staring.- Castiel's voice reminded Sam and Dean of the current situation. The angel looked more uncomfortable than he had ever looked.

-How are those looking like that? I thought angels had two wings.

-I don't know. Seraphim have four but that's it. Even then I wasn't created as a Seraph...

Castiel looks down at the ground as he said that, wings shuffling behind him.

Wings who made themselves visible for Dean.

If he was a guardian angel how come-

Naomi.

Of course she would do the impossible to keep him under her control no matter what.

At least this explained a few things.

What more was there that he ignored?

He tried focusing on the binding between Dean's soul and his grace.

It was strong and firm. Yes. But as he had realized the first time.

Something was missing.

Something important.

The humming through the bond had missing waves. Holes that were blank and screaming to be filled. The more he aimed to explore through it the more he realized the magnitude of how wrong the whole symphony was. A part of the holes being broken. Flayed. Various links severed so bad it had no opportunities to ever be fixed.

It filled him with such a hollow feeling.

Failure.

Loneliness.

It was an overhelming loneliness.

Suffocating.

-Cas? You alright?- Dean's voice got Castiel looking up and blinking the sudden blurriness out of his sight. The hunter looked concerned and Castiel wouldn't blame him. He hadn't been that much of an amazing person to speak with since... well.

-I'm fine.

Lie.

His wings were restless and he had the sudden disturbing desire to hide the hunters.

But as an angel of the Lord he didn't submit to such desires.

He was stronger than that.

So all he did was roll his shoulders and pull his wings back into the ethereal plane so they would stop giving away how he was feeling.

And thus he left. Leaving both hunters confused.

-Dude. You got a guardian angel.

Even if Sam had aimed for a teasing tone it didn't reach that level.

Because this newfound knowledge wasn't as amazing as it should had been.

And Sam wasn't sure if it had to do with the fact that Cas had not even been aware of it or the fact that the angel's mind seemed to had been tampered by Naomi in more ways than one.

Chapter Text

Castiel was....

Confused.

Of all his dreams this was the most strange one.

Because the voices were clear enough that he just knew who they belonged to.

He remembered this... kinda.

The beach and the fish dragging itself out.

But rather than the calm voice of a nameless brother he remembered telling him to not step on that fish, a frantic shout was what he got.

From Michael. 

-Cass do not step on that fish! There are big plans for that one!- Cried out the archangel as he leaped out of nowhere and picked Castiel up before he could step on said fish. Arms around his waist as Michael fought for balance on his attempt to break his wild run.

Michael, archangel and chief of God's army gave an undignified shriek as he went down. Landing face first on the shore but still holding Castiel high enough for the waves to not hit him.

Laughter erupted across the beach and as Michael rises his face from the sand his eyes went wide.

-Balthazar don't put that in your mouth!- Michael put Castiel down and leaped once again to prevent the angel in question from shoving a handful of seaweed into his mouth.

A naked figure ran past Balthazar and Michael with seaweed on his face and flowers on his head.

-Gabriel where are your clothes?! You are an archangel of the Lord not a fledgling have some decency!

-Decency is for the weak!

-Where's Samandriel?!

-Who?!- Called out Gabriel as he swung Castiel up and high. The fledgling holding up and high the grey fish with a serious look.

-Gabriel, Cast̷i̷e̷l̷ leave that fish alone or so God help me! And you two what are you looking at?! A little help?! Or at least start looking for Samandriel!

-Mikey you are doing great! I'm sure little Samandriel is just fine! He's an angel of the Lord he can take whatever Earth has to offer as threats!- Called out a faceless angel from a branch. Her voice careless and amused.

-He's a fledgling Rae! Go look for him! Sam stop laughing and tell Gabriel to put on some clothes! Samael I'm serious! We were suppose to watch the fish and report back to Father! Uriel stop staring at them and do something!

-Father said to watch. I am watching.

-Raphael do something!

-You are a chief control the situation yourself.

-Raphael! I knew I should have asked Father to allow Gadreel to come with me!

-Let them have their fun Mikey!

~

Castiel shot up into a sitting position the moment that voice shouted in his head.

Lucifer.

But Michael called him Sam .

Michael.

Balthazar.

Samandriel.

Uriel.

Raphael.

Gabriel.

Gadreel.

....Rae?

Who...

How much of this was true?

Even if he wasn't to remember it the others should right? Unless Naomi... A sharp stab of pain in his skull made him hiss and cease his train of thoughts.

He didn't understand a single thing.

Michael didn't care about fledglings.

Uriel didn't left Heaven until humans were created.

Raphael would never spend time around angels.

Lucifer fell way before he was even created.

He didn't met Balthazar until he began training.

He had never met Samandriel until Naomi asked him to-

Gadreel and him never met until that issue with Sam.

And Gabriel didn't left Heaven until... When did he leave? He had never given thought to that...

Ugh.

He wanted to kick the wall down and take what was taken from him. Get his memories back.

Even if that meant going through unthinkable pain.

Even if it killed him.

Because this sense of instability was starting to make him question his own self.

~

-Are you mad?!

Dean's shout reverberated across the entire bunker.

-No but I could be soon.

-Cas. I thought we had agreed upon not tampering with the wall. You saw what that did to me and I'm human.- Told Sam choosing to be the calm one despite how not calm at all the situation was.

-We could hypnotize him. You know. People often attempt it as a form to unravel buried memories. It could work for him and not damage the wall.- Suggests Charlie not sure if that was even a good idea. She was still processing what a psychic wall was and its purpose and even though part of her agreed with Sam and Dean she couldn't help but side with Castiel too.

He had all the right to know the truth.

-Humans aren't able to hypnotize angels.- Frowns Castiel.

-Pamela hypnotized Anna.

-She wasn't an angel at the time.

-You can't seriously be siding with him!- Snapped Dean at Sam and Charlie's words.

-Dean. I'm not asking for your permission. I will do it. You just have to chose if I can do it here or if I have to do it somewhere else far away from you.- Tells Castiel matter of fact. He wanted to do it here because he felt the safest here, but if Dean refused to let him do it he would have to leave and find a safe place.

-I just don't get why all of a sudden you are so adamant on breaking the damn wall! For all we know there could be disturbing shit behind that wall!- Snapped Dean. The idea of having to see the angel go through the same Sam had or another crazy episode made him feel on edge.

-I saw something and... I need to know its meaning. It feels like.... Something isn't right. Something is wrong with the angels and Heaven and I don't know what it is. It feels like I knew but I don't know anymore.

-Okay, okay. Sit down and let's take a breath.- Called Charlie grabbing the angel's shoulders and leading him to one of the chairs around the map table.

-You say something is wrong with Heaven and the angels. What does that mean?- Asks Sam at the flustered angel.

-I.... When the angels fell I could still hear angel radio to some extent. I didn't fell with them. Metatron sent me back to Earth before he casted the spell. 

That one neither Sam nor Dean had known. The brothers had thought that Cas had fell with the angels that night but the knowledge that Metatron had done something as monstrous as to make Cas watch felt a thousand times worse than if the bastard had left him fall with the others.

-I saw them fall. I heard them screaming as their wings burned off. I heard ones who had never left Heaven pleading forgiveness thinking that it was their fault that that was happening to them. I heard their cries. Their anger. Their fear. Calling for our Father. Calling for each other. 

And those were sounds that still haunted him .

-When I first stole grace I realized something. None of them should have died. Their grace wasn't weakened as I had thought. It was still intact which meant the fall wouldn't have killed them even without wings.

-If the fall didn't kill them what did?

-I don't know but... there was something wrong. Something is wrong. And I know what is it but at the same time I don't. Naomi did something. I don't know what but she is... 

Father could this be more frustrating?

-When I confronted Naomi she had implied that she had erased memories of mine more times than she cared to remember because I never did what was asked of me.

-She did what?- Snapped Dean. He wasn't sure what he had thought what being 'fixed' meant when Castiel told them but he never expected it to be that . Erasing his memories as if he was some kind of computer? Dean kinda wished he had the bitch right infront of him to tear her apart.

-She also said I was in places doing things I don't remember being part of.... I... She spoke of things I have different memories of. I... think she did more than just erase my memories while fixing me. Ion implied that Naomi had tampered with the minds of most angels but I thought that he meant erasing memories. But then I remembered Samandriel... 

Father Samandriel. He had been one of the youngest angels in Heaven. Had suffered enough under the demons' tortures.

And Castiel had killed him.

-He said Heaven was controlling us. Even if he gave the demons information no one should have about angels he shouldn't have been killed. Punished. Yes. But not killed... And then he said that and... something is so wrong.

Sam and Dean had known that something had been off about Samandriel's death but to know Naomi had made Castiel kill him... God.

The demons messing with Samandriel's mind must had cracked Naomi's little game which meant the second he told Cas that the angels were being controlled he had turned into a threat to Naomi and she had needed to get rid of him before all fell down.

That knowledge though did nothing but make their blood run cold as sudden realization hit them.

As if finding out that Castiel's mind had been reset God knows how many times wasn't bad enough the sudden realization that all this time they have been killing potentially mind controlled angels made them feel nauseous.

Angels being mind controlled sounded a thousand times worse than angels being dicks by nature.

-There's more isn't it?- Asks Charlie who notices that the angel was too on edge for it to be all. The angels being controlled into killing each other and killing humans sounded like some kind of nightmare pulled out of an horror movie but even then Castiel looked like something else was eating him alive.

And still the angel didn't speak.

-Cas? What is it?- Asked Sam as he tilted his head in order to see the angel's face who had hung it almost in shame.

Castiel didn't answer.

He felt uncomfortable under their gazes but he couldn't talk.

This was the last thing he wanted them to find out about. Even he had troubles understanding the meaning.... well, to be more precise he didn't understand the meaning at all.

He wanted the wall down because then that would give him the answers to all these strange feelings and emotions.

-Cas?

-This is a safe place. Whatever it's no one is gonna get mad at you, okay?- Tries Charlie sparing a look at Sam and Dean because she had a feeling that whatever had the angel in such a sudden shut down was bad . Or at least something others would see as bad . 

The fact that he was sneaking nervous looks at the brothers without even rising his head was confirmation enough.

Castiel glanced up almost as if to confirm the weight of the truth in her words. 

-I promise I won't get mad.- Sam feels the need to tell as he catches the angel's gaze. Cas looked as if he was expecting a beat down followed with an exorcism.

The sight was disturbing to say the least because what could give the angel such a look?

Sam and Charlie glared at Dean with the force of a hundred suns.

-Yeah yeah whatever I won't get mad.- Brushes off Dean, what were they five?

Castiel doesn't seem to relax at that but at least he looks less like he is expecting death.

-When I said it didn't felt right to kill other angels I left a few parts out... 

He shouldn't tell them.

Humans never keep their promises. 

-I thought that it wasn't right. I know it's not right and that it makes no sense but I can't stop it... 

He should stop talking.

-I don't know why it feels like that and... Most of the time I can ignore it but since this started it has been getting harder and harder to ignore it and now they appear in my dreams. But those aren't dreams and... I need to know the truth about them. I... they are important . But I can't know with the wall keeping the truth from me.

And Castiel wanted to tear that wall down so bad .

It felt as if he would explode if he didn't got the truth about them.

Because he needed to know.

Know why he wanted the archangels right now right then right there.

-What is it? What can't you ignore? Who are important?- Asks Sam as gentle as possible. Castiel looked as if he was at the verge of bolting off without an actual destination if that meant not talking.

-The archangels.

Silence drowned the place.

A pin drop could be heard from miles and then.

-....The archangels? - Repeated Dean in such a disgusted tone Castiel flinched. Sam threw his brother a glare.

-What about the archangels? I thought their presence didn't affect you.- Asked Sam choosing a less insensitive approach as Dean had done.

-It's not their presence it's... I don't know. It's them . It feels weird and...

He wasn't sure of what this even was.

But it was so strong and raw at the same time.

-How does it feels?- Asks Charlie, voice soft and encouraging.

-... I... It feels like something important is missing.

More like a part of him was shattered into pieces and said pieces went missing.

Leaving him into nothing but suffocating loneliness .

-Missing?- Repeated Sam in confusion.

-I don't know. It feels wrong. So so wrong. I hate that I killed Raphael. I hate that I set Michael on fire. I hate that Gabriel is gone. And I hate that Lucifer is in the cage. I want Raphael alive. I want Gabriel to come back and I want Michael and Lucifer out.

A̷n̷d̷ h̷e̷ w̷a̷n̷t̷e̷d̷ U̷r̷i̷e̷l̷ a̷n̷d̷ A̷z̷r̷a̷e̷l̷ t̷o̷o̷.̷

-You want--  

The amount of unexpected revelations Dean got slapped with was so massive he couldn't even remember how to get mad.

-You said it's getting harder to ignore. You... Cas you do know you can't let Lucifer out right?- Asks Sam willing some calm into his nerves. None of this made sense at all and the thought of Cas letting Lucifer out was making his skin crawl and his heart threaten to jump out.

Even more so when the angel gave him a kicked puppy look.

-I know... But I...

I miss them and I want them back.

Castiel would have freaked out at his own thoughts if he wasn't feeling as miserable as he was feeling.

Because he realized with some panic those words were true.

-Wait. Is that why you left Sam's soul in Hell? Were you so distracted about letting or not letting Lucifer out of his cage that you didn't check if he was whole?

-Dean! 

-No. I was in pain.

-That's no excuse!

-Dean!- Snapped Sam hitting the table for more emphasis and glaring at his brother. Couldn't Dean get his head out of his ass for once and stop thinking about their problems for one second? Cas needed them for Christ sake.

Castiel for his side bit back the need to explain.

Because how was he suppose to make a human understand the kind of pain burning grace gave? A pain so great it felt as if part of oneself was being tore apart to a molecular level by holy fire. Put into a blender set to pureé.

Instead he said what still made no sense over all things.

-Lucifer is him.

-Him? Who's him?- Frowned Sam as he gave his brother a warning look to stop taking it out on Cas when the angel himself had said that he had no idea why was that happening.

-Sam. He's.... Michael called him Samael. 

-Wait. So that's a thing?- Asked Sam definitely not expecting that. Castiel gave him a confused look.- Before Lucifer fell his name was Samael, the poison of God.

And wasn't that weird having to explain to an angel things about the devil?

-That's not... there has never been an angel with that name. Even so it makes no sense. Lucifer's aura is evil and toxic and Samael's bright and cold... I was suppose to protect him from something but I failed and... Why would I need to protect an archangel? Lucifer doesn't need protection.

Lie .

-But Lucifer's the lightbringer. Isn't he suppose to be bright? And he did said he ran cold rather than hot as people made it to be.- Said Charlie remembering that page where Sam was gonna say YES to Lucifer.

-I don't know.- Frowned Castiel feeling more and more confused with each new revelation he was given about Lucifer of all things.

-You don't know?- Asked Dean raising an eyebrow.

-When he possessed me it did felt as if he was freezing me from the inside out. Like frostbite...- Sam didn't remember much of his possession with Lucifer but he did remember the awful coldness. Just for a second and then it was gone and so was the world around him.

Castiel frowned.

That.... didn't sound right.

Samael's presence had felt as if by nature it was as cold as the bottom of the ocean but not to a frostbite level. The brightness seemed to give it a warm hum and balance it shouldn't....

Castiel had once again the rush of wanting to straight up seek Lucifer out.

Something was so wrong.

The emptiness and loneliness felt almost agonizing and stood out like... Like a sore thumb as humans would say. 

-Something is wrong and it's been too long.

Castiel wasn't sure what that meant all he knew is that it was true.

It has been too long and it was coming to an end.

If he didn't fix it something horrible was gonna happen.

-I must know what Naomi hid from me. It's important I know it's, please . If Samandriel was right. If Naomi was controlling the angels I need to know her reasons. I need to know what it meant that the archangels couldn't find out. I need to know why were they there. I want to know what's wrong before it's too late.

As a warrior of God he was taught that begging was for the weak.

But right now all Castiel wanted was the truth.

He needed the truth.

Because if not he would do something he would regret.

Like getting Lucifer and Michael out of the cage.

Meanwhile while part of Dean was raging to refuse he also couldn't do it. Because seeing his friend so desperate tugged at his heartstrings and the sudden feeling of something worse looming over the horizon was too strong to ignore.

So giving a sigh he gave his verdict.

-Fine.

Chapter Text

-You sure about this?- Asked Dean as he clicked the Enochian handcuffs shut around Castiel's wrists. Having the angel in the dungeon was the safest option for what was to come but that didn't meant Dean liked it.

Having the angel handcuffed and trapped felt wrong.

-Yes. I need the truth.- Dictates Castiel as he watched Dean hook the chains to the ground. Having his grace locked felt nauseating for some reason but he tried to not think about it.

He needed to do this.

-You should wait outside with Sam and Charlie.- Tells Castiel as he remembered how he had hurt Sam and attacked Dean before.

-Your grace is locked and there's no way for you to break free.

-It won't lock my true voice. Leave.

Dean wanted to protest but thought better of it and thus he left the angel.

-You sure this is a good idea?- Asks Sam as Dean closes the door behind him.

-I thought you were onboard with his idea.- Frowned Dean at his brother's sudden question.

-I am but... He said he was suppose to protect Lucifer, doesn't that sound like something we should at least take precautions with?

-Cas' not stupid. For all we know that could be bullshit. That Naomi bitch played with his head a lot didn't she? She could have implanted trash there to mess with him.

Sam wasn't convinced.

He had a feeling something bad was gonna happen.

~

Castiel took a deep breath and focused his all on the wall.

Old. 

Scratched.

Hiding behind a fog.

It hurt and it filled him with a wave of dizziness but he still pushed forward.

He clutched his head as flashes of something tried to come forward. But he couldn't grasp them. It was strange and unsettling. He tried to grasp at them again but it just made him groan in pain. It felt like flashes were being pushed back before he could even get a peek at them.

Bleeding whispers rushed past him and he felt something trail down his face the moment he attempted to grab onto them. Head pounding.

He touched his face before frowning down at the blood staining his fingertips. 

There was something hollow in his chest. Something he couldn't understand...

He hung his head and shuddered as a chill ran up his spine. Wings shuffling behind him.

Frowning he once again attempted to reach the wall. Hiding behind such a thick fog it felt suffocating to pierce through it. It felt raw and nauseating and unsettling and it hurt.

And the moment Castiel pierced through the veil of the suffocating fog he sucked in a sharp breath as he felt pain explode inside his head. Voices scratching through his skull with a ferocious volume and static filling his head like a high pitched wail.

He cried out and curled. Fingers digging against his skull as the pain seemed to grow. Threatening to obliterate him into dust. But the wall was so close and he needed to know what was behind. So he swallowed past the pain and forced himself to keep on.

Whispers crawled all over his mind, loud and blurred. Feelings crawled under his vessel and across his true form. Raw and unforgiving as it caressed through his grace like a poisonous spell.

And then a surge of panic and confusion punched him. A wave of terror flowing right through his true form and right into his grace like a fierce pulse.

Run .

That command seized Castiel with a choking force.

His grace flared up and run he did. Wings so numb he crashed through the ethereal plane. He couldn't leave Heaven. He couldn't leave Heaven.

Michael was after him. 

Michael was after him. 

Something was wrong with Michael. Michael wasn't Michael.

He needed to leave. Leave. Azrael was in pain.

And his wings wouldn't answer.

But it didn't matter how much he ran he was caught. Michael caught him. Hit him. Grabbed him.

He kicked and struggled but Michael was stronger. And that shouldn't be possible.

And Michael was watching. Michael brought him here. What did he do wrong? What is happening? Michael is wrong. Michael make it stop.

He felt hands on his shoulders. Pushing down. Strapping him to the table as he fought to break free. Michael make them stop. Why is he doing this? Michael is watching. Michael is watching. Michael brought him here. Michael is wrong.

The hands are holding him down down and down.

  Stop. Stop. 

Please. 

No. No.  

A whirring sound echoed across white walls. The angels are watching. Michael is watching. Raphael is watching. 

No!

The angels are watching. Michael is leaving. Raphael is leaving. And Michael wouldn't make them stop.

  The abomination has no right to be in Heaven and you are what we need to cleanse Heaven. 

No! Let me go! 

SamSamSamSamSamSam SamSamSamael! 

Someone was screaming. Was it him? 

It hurt Father it hurt.

His head was getting torn apart and it hurt.

He screamed and struggled against the restrains. He wanted it to stop. But there were hands grabbing him and they wouldn't let him alone why wouldn't they leave him alone?! Couldn't they see he was burning?! Couldn't they see Sam was in danger?! Couldn't they see Azrael was hurting?! Couldn't they see it?! HEAVEN WAS WRONG!

He arched his back trying to escape but it wouldn't stop . He couldn't stop it! And his head and chest were tearing apart. Bleeding. Bursting. Flooding. Too much too much too much too much too much. His throat was closed and ragged and everything was bleeding and burning and burning and burning. 

Something latched into his true form and pierced through it. It latched across his whole being with unforgiving force and it melted his insides. He threw his head back in a scream as he felt it yanking something that shouldn't be touched.

Sinner.

Sacrilege.

Blasphemy. 

His being was being flayed. Flayed and corrupted and tainted and-

And it wouldn't stop. Michael wouldn't stop them Michael wouldn't come back. Raphael. Uriel was in pain Azrael was in pain. He couldn't feel Sam he couldn't feel Gabriel. Azrael was gone. Uriel was gone. He couldn't feel- No!

He was burning and burning and melting and suffocating in holy fire in a subatomic level and he couldn't hear them and he couldn't feel them. And why couldn't he feel them?!

Something severed a string inside him and a pain he had never thought possible to be felt rippled through his entire being. Pure white pain spreading like an agonizing wave of cosmic intent that boiled to a subatomic level each string of grace he ever had.

It was too much.

Father help me! Father Father Father! Father! It won't stop. Father! Samael! Michael! Gabriel! Gabriel Gabriel Gabriel Gabriel! Gabriel help me! 

And then there were a set of hands on him pulling him into a tight hold with such a familiar buzzing grace his grace latched onto it. A familiar voice tearing through the fog of agonizing pain.

"Castiel. Castiel it's fine. You are fine. You are fine. I'm here. It's fine. You are fine. I'm here."

The pressure in his head and the melting grace seemed to snap down as he found himself floating through Saturn's rings. Slow. Silent. Just watching the rocks that formed the beautiful rings in that perfect sequence flowing like a perfect current. Hearing the raging storm of diamonds going on in the planet. A wild warmness spreading through his grace and threading through it.

And it felt right.

Like a missing piece came back.

It soothed his mind and part of the loneliness.

And so he welcomed unconsciousness.

~

Hearing Castiel's pained sounds along with the rattling of chains wasn't as bad as blinking and out of nowhere have the angel crashing through the door.

-What the-

And Castiel ran.

-Shit! Charlie stay here!- Ordered Dean as he and Sam ran after the angel.

-How did he got out I thought those were the angel handcuffs?!

-Hell if I know! Where the hell is he?!- Castiel had flee the corridor and Dean hoped the angel hadn't used his wings to take off on them. The last thing he needed was a rogue angel causing havoc.

A crash was heard down the corridor followed with a flash of light.

Both Winchesters ran.

Turning in time to see the angel getting up from where he had brought a door down. Dean took that moment to tackle him back onto the ground. Holding his arms against his chest and avoiding getting kicked.

-Sam the handcuffs!- Called out Dean as the angel kept struggling. Eyes wild and a bright white. Sam was at his side in less than a second snapping the handcuffs shut around the angel's wrists.- Cas! Cas listen to me, you gotta snap out of this!

God he shouldn't had agreed to this. How did he agree to this?  

The angel tried to get up with an actual growl that got the lights flickering like crazy. Almost managed to hit Dean if it wasn't because Sam pushed him back down with all the strength he could muster. Because even with the cuffs Cas still held an awful lot of strength.

Then Castiel spoke.

And neither of the brothers needed to know Enochian to know he was begging. And God he sounded so confused and betrayed.

And that damn name came again.

Sam.

Samael.

Michael.

He wouldn't stop struggling. Wouldn't stop making those heartwrenching sounds similar to whimpers but with a pitched edge.

-I told you this was a bad idea.- Said Dean as the angel began getting more and more difficult to keep down. His whimpers starting to turn into cries that left an awful ringing in his ear.

Then Castiel screamed and arched his back. Almost freeing himself from them and taking off.

-Grab him!

Sam half managed to throw his arms around the angel and hold his arms against his chest. Castiel screamed and struggled. Sam could almost feel the angel buzzing. And the worst of all were the bloodied tears running down his face.

The same as when he killed Samandriel.

-Dean we have to knock him out.

-If I knew how to knock out angels our lives would be considerably easier don't you think?!

Castiel sounded as if he was being skinned alive. Kept struggling and if the cuffs weren't on him he would have broken free a long time ago. He arched his back with another strangled scream. Desperate. Agonizing. 

-Cas it's okay. Hey take it easy. You have to fight it.- Sam tried to sooth the angel but this time not even he could get him to calm down.

Castiel let out another shout that seemed to rattle the entire bunker and explode the light bulbs into a million pieces. Sam felt the pitch tear through his eardrums like a hot knife but rather than loose the hold he tightened it.

In all his life how did he went from hunting ghosts and vampires to have to hear an angel screaming and pleading in a language no human could ever fathom to speak fluently?

-Dean do something!- Shouted Sam as the angel arched his back and cried again. Pushing himself up with his legs and almost breaking free. His voice was ragged and there was blood trailing down the corner of his mouth.

And Sam knew without a doubt that those were the consequences of an angel's voice using human vocal cords.

-What do I do?!- Dean hadn't felt this clueless since Castiel first appeared in that barn and nothing had worked on him.

The angel threw his head back against Sam's shoulder and let out another earsplitting scream and he began struggling so hard it almost looked like a seizure.

-Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

-Dean get Rowena!

-Like hell I am letting that bitch near him!

-Look at him! We have to knock him out! NOW!- Snapped Sam. He was at the verge of a collapse and his head felt like it was about to explode with how much static the angel was letting out and those pitched scream and he was gonna trust Rowena if it meant getting Castiel to stop .

But before Dean could answer Castiel sucked in a sharp breath and his entire form stiffened in Sam's hold. His mouth opening with a strangled gasp.

And then the fucking ceiling trembled as a deafening thunder seemed to split the sky outside. The alarms inside the bunker blaring as the handcuffs on Castiel's wrists burnt an angry orange and dropped to the ground.

-Father help me!

That single shout made the brothers' blood run cold and their hearts stop.

Because there was an angel.

Screaming for God.

Thunder crashed with an almost ferocious intent outside.

And for a moment Sam and Dean thought God would without a doubt tear through that ceiling a smite them both on the spot.

-Father! Father! Father! Father! Samael! Michael! Gabriel! 

What was a human suppose to do when an angel was calling out for God, Lucifer, a dick and a dead archangel?

-Gabriel!

He was in so much pain.

And he was calling for a dead bastard.

Castiel began saying that name like a mantra. No. Not a mantra. 

He was begging for Gabriel despite the fact that said archangel was dead.

Both brothers were proved wrong the second Castiel shouted the last expected words.

-Gabriel help me!

The second those words left Castiel's mouth the second Sam and Dean found themselves being thrown across the corridor as Gabriel appeared out of thin air looking perfectly murderous and wild.

He stalked past them and straight to Castiel who was now curled up on the floor.

The archangel grabbed his forearms and pulled Castiel into a hug of all things. The angel latching onto him with an equal feral strength.

The brothers heard Gabriel speaking in Enochian. Voice trembling but oh so commanding.

Whatever he did seemed to stop whatever was happening because Castiel slumped against him as if some kind of switch had been shut off.

Gabriel kept his arms around him even after the angel fainted. Not moving a single inch from his position on the ground. But at least the invisible force holding them disappeared.

-Gabriel? You are alive?- Sam's voice got the archangel turning to look at them over his shoulder. The look he gave them made their hairs stand on end. A crushing presence surrounding him as his gaze promised nothing but hell carved into the flesh.

So this is what it meant having an archangel royally pissed off infront of you.

And when Dean took a step forward Gabriel gifted him an almost feral look as his grip on Castiel tightened. Orbs glowing a fierce blue that seemed even more deeper in the dim lighted corridor. Sam grabbed his brother's shoulder.

-Dean wait.

Sam doubted Gabriel would had blown his cover of being dead for nothing. Castiel calling for him because he was in pain when the archangel hadn't even seemed to care about him... And now Gabriel was here.

With that feral look and holding Cas as if he was expecting someone to take him from him.

Something was off here.

How did he even calm Cas so quick? How did he find them?

And then Gabriel blinked and the weird vibe was gone. 

Still rather than speak he frowned. His hold loosening enough for him to look down at the unconcious angel.

-How is this... 

Gabriel.

For the first time in his life.

Wasn't sure of what to think do or say.

Because the angel between his arms. The same weak angel he threw across portals and saw as nothing but a naive little angel who licked the ground the Winchesters walked on...

He was no weak angel. 

No angel at all.

What Gabriel was feeling and seeing right now was something impossible. And it didn't matter how much he reached with his grace. No matter how much he hugged him closer. 

There was no mistake. 

Little Castiel was an archangel. 

One who he had sworn up and down to be dead.

When he heard the scream begging for his help for a moment it had felt like he had been struck with lightning. That voice that rattled his entire head like an earthquake.

That voice wasn't suppose to exist anymore. 

It had been alarming and confusing. It had pulled at his grace and all he had wanted was to protect. To answer to the distress call and show the reason archangels were called the wrath of Heaven. It had been overhelming and familiar and so strong.

And this shouldn't be happening.

He glanced up at the stupid brothers who never seemed to do a single thing without putting the world itself in danger.

-What did you do to him?- He demanded. Refusing to accept that this angel was him .

-It wasn't our fault. He's... He said Naomi put a psychic wall in his head to hide memories and tried to break it down on his own. He said there was something important he needed to know.- Told Sam hoping that Gabriel would at least offer to help.

-No. You did something to his grace. To his wings. I want to know what was it.- Snapped Gabriel. The brothers' words though pulled at his chest in a distressing manner.

Forget. Never remember. Forget.

-We did nothing to him!- Defended Dean offended and pissed at the audacity of the archangel to insinuate they would hurt Cas.

-I did carve something from his grace. He was in pain and he said he would lose his wings if I didn't.- Told Sam not sure what had Gabriel so... freaked out was what the archangel looked like.

Gabriel frowned at that and rested his hand down on Castiel's back. Right in the centre of his wings' base. His grace... didn't felt altered. It was natural and raw on the edges. As if it had been sealed centuries ago and was still having troubles adapting to its new freedom. Gabriel reached with his grace to it. Tapping into it and soothing down the raw edges.

That's when he felt it.

Cassiel's grace didn't react to his as it should.

And that realization almost shattered his entire being into a million pieces. What he had worked so hard to craft these past centuries with one single temptation threatened to break apart like nothing.

But Gabriel was stronger than that. 

So he took a deep breath and sucked it up as he had been doing this whole time.

-What is it?- Asked Sam watching Gabriel's emotions dancing on his face from confusion to surprise to amazement and then something akind to pain before going back to neutral.

-You got an upgrade boys.- Told Gabriel as he pulled one of his famous smiles.

He could do this.

He had been doing it for ages.

The game must never halt.

Because if it did Gabriel feared what he had worked so hard on would drop down like a house of cards.

-What?

-Castiel. I don't know how. But the little angel is an archangel. 

~ 

-Okay. So, you say he is an archangel but that he isn't?- Asks Sam. Castiel was now on the bed and still out cold. Gabriel was sitting at his side staring at the angel- archangel with a frown so deep Dean was sure he could get WiFi from it.

-There are four archangels; Lucifer, Michael, Raphael and me. No more. But this one...- Gabriel rested his hand on Castiel's chest. Reading through his grace and tapping on the dormant power he knew to be Naomi's work.- He's strong .

-How strong?- Asks Dean glancing at Cas' unconcious form. Angel. Archangel. It still made no sense at all on the why would Naomi hide it from him.

Gabriel gave him a blank look but he still looked quite amused as he spoke.

-Enough to kick Lucifer and Michael's asses on his own. 

-Come again?

-He's got a ridiculous amount of power that makes no sense at all. Like, I would have felt if Pops had decided to make a last minute badass decoration. Heck Hell itself would had felt his raw power the second he came into existence.

That got the brothers frowning and glancing at the unconcious angel- archangel (God this was so weird). If he was as powerful as Gabriel said it explained heaven's persistent attempt to kill Castiel now that he wasn't under their control. Why Metatron chose him.

Still.

How did Heaven didn't attempt to use him as it had done with-

Hold it.

Their gazes fell on Gabriel who was now threading through something invisible that were without a doubt Castiel's wings. A strange look plastered on his face.

The archangel claimed to have left Heaven a long time ago due not being able to stand his brothers slaughtering each other. Hid as a pagan God and kept himself as far from heaven's issues as possible until Sam and Dean dragged him back to face Lucifer and got him killed.

Or at least those had been their thoughts.

That Lucifer had killed Gabriel.

-Gabriel- 

-Look at these wings.- Cut off the archangel and if the brothers didn't knew better they would think Gabriel interrupted Sam on purpose as he seemed to poke at the feathers.

Sam and Dean had the sudden question of how did that of touching each other's wings was viewed between angels and if they should stop Gabriel.

-Pops was taking no shits when he made this one. He's got God's speed. Little bro can rip through the fabric of the world itself if he so much as wishes to. Or if he gets drunk. I should get him drunk. You know. As a good brother should. Bet he ends up crashing in an alternate universe.

-Like hell that's happening.- Snaps Dean. The last thing he needed was Gabriel using Cas who could apparently travel through alternate universes and pull one of his stupid tricks. Like bringing a monster from another world.

He wouldn't put it past the trickster.

-You are no fun Dean-o.

Dean scowled at the nickname.

-Gabriel. Do you know about an angel named Naomi?- Sam's question got Gabriel to visibly flinch.

-You know. There was an angel who once got so drunk he ended up stumbling out of his vessel and got a whole ass lecture from his vessel about alcoholism and blasphemous actions not being fit for an angel.

Dean snorted at that and Sam gave him a bitch face.

-Gabriel-

-You shouldn't let him do this like that. It's dangerous for his mind.- Cut off Gabriel once again.

Begging for Sam to just stop attempting getting answers from him.

Gabriel moved his hand to rest on Cass' forehead.

He could feel it.

A wall made so tight and strong tearing it down in one go as the younger archangel had tried would without a doubt make his mind collapse with it.

Gabriel tapped at it. A few strings here a few strings there.

It made his grace burn but he did it.

He healed the wall.

Sealed Cassiel from what he knew would be painful memories.

-You did knew Naomi was brainwashing the angels.- Dean's words of accusation made Gabriel feel sick and he had to leave now.

-I should leave. People aren't gonna trick themselves.- He said and he all but had to force himself to get up from the bed.

Because he had Cass here and he didn't want to leave him.

Not again.

He couldn't leave him.

But he couldn't- Gabriel was a coward.

-Like hell that's gonna happen.- Snapped Dean who had no sense of self preservation at all because he caught Gabriel's arm.

-Dean.- Warned Sam as he saw the archangel look down at the arm his brother had caught and back at Dean. A dangerous gleam flickering within the green orbs.

-You can't leave. You knew about Naomi and you did nothing? You didn't even thought to tell us? Cas? You ran off and saved your own skin while Naomi turned the rest of heaven into robots?

-Dean!

The accusation flared inside Gabriel like a solar explosion.

-Don't presume to know what I did.- Snapped Gabriel as he freed his arm with a far from gentle tug. Dean's words hit worse than he had ever expected.

Because he had ran.

The fear. The panic. The disorientation. The silence. The chaos. It was all too much.

Because in the split of a moment his entire family got destroyed. And he had heard angels claiming God locked Lucifer in the cage because he was evil and a cancer that if not cut off it would spread. But God couldn't had said nor done that because he hadn't been in Heaven when Lucifer fell.

-Oh. I don't presume to know. I know . You are a coward who would rather die than face his family.

Yes.

That was him.

Even if Gabriel was tired of running he couldn't stop.

Because he was a coward.

He was alone and terrified and it never stopped feeling like he was suffocating in a world too big for him.

He needed to leave before he went down a dangerous path of emotions and therefore memories. 

-Yeah. Whatever bucko.- Gabriel patted Dean's shoulder and as he did so his pinkie grazed with the Winchester's skin.

He almost choked as he felt his soul's resonance. A spark so Michael it made his heart skip a beat and his grace curl. He saw the same golden cloak from Lucifer's. He saw the familiar sigils on his hand as their shimmering gold glow threatened to tear Gabriel's facade apart.

He had to leave.

But he couldn't move.

Cassiel was behind him. Michael was infront of him. Lucifer was close.

He couldn't move.

Because feeling their presence and not being able to read them felt so confusing and so wrong.

Father was the room spinning or was it him?

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't think.

Because he couldn't feel them.

He felt hands on his shoulders. Leading him somewhere before pushing down. He sat and after a moment his hands reached for that overhelming brightness he hadn't seen in eons. That piercing cold.

Not toxic. Not evil. Not the same who tried to kill him for real despite his hesitancy.

He felt nauseous and cold. He wanted to curl up and bask in the brightness of this soul. In its piercing cold who seemed to wield a warm ring to it. This was the reason he avoided getting so close to the Winchesters. He shouldn't had come here.

But Cassiel was alive and calling for him.

Gabriel couldn't run this time.

Lucifer and Michael and Cassiel were here but he couldn't feel them and that was making his grace curl and his wings shift in distress. It was too much too much. He had to leave before it was too late.

Before what he had pushed to the deepest corners of his mind came reeling back like a tsunami.

He had to leave now.

And thus he did attempt to leave. Pushing past the souls he knew were not his brothers. But he had to use the wall for support and the floor was swaying and his vision was blurred. Michael was behind him.

This felt too familiar.

Attempting to run from Michael as he failed to feel his brothers. As he did nothing but feel like his entire being was being clawed out. Wings burning and sending jolts of pain into his grace.

He couldn't breathe.

Flashes of white walls crossed his vision. The sound of shouts. Chaos. Screaming. Pain. Death. Fear. Panic. Confusion. Betrayal. Loneliness. Silence.

Father is dead.

All of them are gone.

Gone.

He slid down the wall as he felt the presences grow closer. Fingernails digging against his arms as he curled in on himself and did what he did best.

Hide.

His wings wrapped around him in a tight cocoon. Shielding him from the outside world and the pain.

His brothers had various differences concerning their wings. Lucifer and Cassiel had the strongest wings but Gabriel had the strongest feathers when it came to defense.

And right now that's what he needed.

Defense.

Hide. 

Shield.

Because Heaven has come to an end and the archangel Gabriel couldn't stop it.

No one could stop it.

Chapter Text

Sam had known something was off the second Gabriel began ignoring their attempts to ask him about Naomi.

Gabriel had said that he couldn't bear the sight of his siblings slaughtering each other. 

He was an archangel. 

He could have stopped Naomi with ease.

Something was off about this all.

But Dean wouldn't stop accusing Gabriel.

Couldn't see that something was wrong with this whole picture.

And then Gabriel patted Dean's shoulder.

The archangel's face fell for a moment and his stare fixated on Dean's hand. The one with the golden sigils.

He stared at it with a foreign emotion on his face that seemed close to agony.

-Dude.- Dean half snapped as the archangel grabbed his arm with both hands. Something that sent static through his entire being like a mild zap.

-Gabriel?- Called Sam but the archangel didn't even seem to hear him. He was in his own world as he kept staring at Dean's hand.

Sam approached him as cautious as possible before resting his hands on the shorter man's shoulders and when Gabriel didn't react to it he freed Dean's hand and lead the archangel to the bed. Pushing him down so he would sit.

-Gabriel? What's wrong?

The archangel in question finally peeled his gaze off Dean just for it to fall right into Sam. The pale green orbs staring right into his soul with an intensity that reminded Sam of Cas.

But he still looked lethargic.

Off .

And then Gabriel grabbed his wrists.

He stared at Sam with such agonizing longing that was without a doubt not directed at him. And it felt so uncomfortable and intrusive for him to be in the presence of something that wasn't for him.

Part of him though couldn't help but wonder how in the world could Gabriel want to see Lucifer after what happened with the Pagan Gods.

Still at this point Sam himself was starting to have his doubts against Lucifer. Against how much was true and if the devil's attitude was related to the difference between Sam's signature in his soul and Lucifer's own grace.

He could hear the anxious rustle of feathers that were without a doubt Gabriel's.

-Hey, Gabriel.- He called as gentle as possible as he kneeled infront of the archangel. Making sure to not make sudden moves and to keep his guard up so as to void a repetition of Castiel's frantic reaction.

Another reason for him to have growing questions about the devil's past.

Castiel and now Gabriel seemed to like Lucifer to a point where seeking for him was their first reaction when in distress.

That didn't speak of someone evil.

-Gabriel listen to me. You have to take a deep breath. It's okay, whatever it's it's okay.- He tried to sooth as the archangel seemed to be growing more and more frantic.

Sam's words got Gabriel to release him as if he was on fire. The archangel scrambling to get away.

-Gabriel wait!

-Dean don't touch him!- Sam had been quick to learn through Castiel that Dean touching an angel in that state was the worst thing that could be done. He didn't want to find out what Gabriel would do if Dean was to touch him.

Both brothers went after the archangel who was using the wall for support and his breathing was erratic.

-Dude what the hell did Naomi did to them?- Breathed out Dean as he heard a strangled noise come from Gabriel.

It reminded him an awful lot of Castiel's reaction during Samandriel's rescue.

It was as if the bitch had managed to put the fear of God into... well two fucking archangels.

How does one even manages that?

Gabriel dropped to one knee. Using the wall for support as he shifted and started digging his fingers into his arms. Curling in on himself.

And then the last expected thing in the universe happened.

Gabriel's wings manifested.

Six and gorgeous.

Wrapping around the archangel and hiding him into a golden cocoon.

Golden. 

Those feathers with such metallic golden shimmer it looked like actual gold had been used to carve the feathers with the greatest of cares.

Same as Castiel's handful of feathers in the third set of wings . 

Sam stepped forward. Hands sweating as he hoped for no broken bones.

-Gabriel?- He called out. The feathers puffed out sharp and lethal to whoever dared to touch them. Tightening around the archangel. He kneeled infront of the golden cocoon and despite the situation part of him couldn't help but marvel at the gorgeous sight.

Because these wings God.

-Gabe? Hey, you don't have to hide from me. No one's gonna hurt you.- Called Sam as he sat down infront of the trickster. Seeing the archangel like this was unsettling and felt just wrong .

From under the feathers, he heard Enochian muttering and Sam was starting to wish he could learn the language. Still he didn't need to know Enochian to know Gabriel was having a panic attack.

-It's okay. Just take deep breaths. You are at the bunker in Lebanon Kansas. With Dean and Sam Winchester. Earth, not Heaven. Remember the changing channels trick you pulled on us? I kinda liked the nut cracker one.

Dean gave Sam such a bitch face at those traitorous words.

Sam ignored him.

-Me turning into a car was an odd thing but it left the world into an interesting point of view. Now that I think about it it was hilarious to make people believe an alien had abducted them to dance with them.

The bundle of wings had started to relax a little as Sam spoke.

-You also left us a, uh, a Casa Erotica DVD last time we met. Told me to protect it with my life. I did kept it for a while until it burned along with the house it was in.- Sam couldn't help the wave of sadness as he remembered Bobby's place burning down due the Leviathans.

His words seemed to be working though because the wings even if still covering Gabriel had lost the sharpness in the feathers and loosened enough to let Sam know his words were calming the archangel.

A muffled set of words came from the ball of feathers but Sam wasn't able to make out the words.

-What was that?

Gabriel peaked out from under the liquified gold-like feathers. His face wielding a failed neutral expression as the trickster attempted to hide the sorrow and shame that seemed to be seared into his core.

-I said, that was a masterpiece how dare you let it get destroyed?

-I'm sorry?

Gabriel seemed to lose the last bits of tension at Sam's hesitant apology. And in the blink of an eye the wings were gone.

-You know about Naomi and her games don't you?

-Dean!

-What?- Snapped Dean at Sam's chastising tone.- She got to two friggin' archangels and most angels who the hell knows what else she left behind.

-You got it wrong.- Muttered Gabriel as he stared down at Sam's shoe. Humans didn't know.

Not a single person knew.

The state of Heaven.

What was happening.

No one knew.

-What does that mean?

-Naomi didn't got to me, I escaped before she could set my mind to pureé. And she didn't got to just angels. She got them all. Archangels. Reapers. Angels. She got all of them.

If before the idea of a few angels being mind controlled was horrific the idea of all of them, archangels and reapers included, being nothing but puppets was both haunting and nauseating.

-Why would she do something like that? If she controlled them all how come after the fall most of them started hunting each other?

-Because that's part of their plan... a plan that's coming to an end after millennia upon millennia of well crafted lies and theatrics.- Dictated Gabriel as a dark look took hold of his face.

-Their...?

-Metatron and Naomi.

Sam and Dean felt their blood run cold at that and their hearts drop.

-Cas said Metatron killed Naomi.

-Lie. Must had faked it. Neither of them would hurt the other and ruin their plan.

-And what's the plan?- Asks Sam feeling sick at what those two cruel beings could have in mind. Naomi controlling the angels and Metatron making them fall.

It sounded-

-Destroy Heaven.

-Heaven can't be destroyed.- Said Dean matter of fact. Gabriel gave him a look that called him stupid in all the languages known to mankind.

-It can. And it's been dimming in strength for quite a while now. I can feel it.

-How... Aren't they angels? Why would angels want to destroy Heaven?- Asks Sam horrified at the thought of Heaven getting destroyed.

-Revenge and greed. Naomi has had an intense greed for control since the moment she was created and Metatron... he wants to burn the world down because he got a one of a kind punishment. Pops took his rank as an archangel away and turned him into a lame excuse of an angel when it comes to power.

Those last words got the brothers raising their eyebrows.

-He was an archangel?

-Yes.

-Hold it. So he's doing all this over getting his powers taken? Like a friggin' angelical tantrum?- Asked Dean not being able to believe someone could reach that level of pettiness. Gabriel gave a smirk as he answered.

-He's always been sort of a dramatic bitch.

-You said their plan is succeeding. What does that mean?- Questioned Sam not sure if he even wanted to know the answer after what he just heard. Gabriel's gaze drops.

-The angels...

-The angels?

-Angels are like batteries. We power up Heaven. Without angels Heaven would collapse and billions upon billions of souls would be released upon Earth. And those ghosts would just be the beginning of a potential rupture in the cosmic balance.

Silence.

The archangel's words struck like a cosmic slap.

All this time Sam and Dean hadn't cared much about the consequences of killing an angel. You had to do what you had to do in order to survive.

But now....

This .

-Gabriel, how many angels are there left?- Asks Sam suddenly remembering that angel's words when he saw the other one wanted to kill Castiel.

"Please, there are so few of us left."

Gabriel didn't answer. If all he avoided his gaze and he looked almost sick.

-Gabriel? How many angels are there left?- Repeated Dean this time as the trickster kept staring down.

And Sam could see the struggle from the archangel as he fought to keep a neutral face.

-Doesn't it seem funny how beings who were created before Earth even began sprouting life are now the ones toppling over the edge of extinction?

Those words froze both brothers to the core.

-Come again?

No.

It wasn't possible.

There were billions upon billions of feathered dicks up there. It was impossible for heaven to ever run out of angels. It was just not possible.

-Behold one of the last angels Earth has to offer.- Told Gabriel opening his arms in a show motion.

Even so the smile didn't quite reach his glazed eyes. He was smiling but his eyes were haunted.

And then his smile dropped and so did his arms as he let out a miserable sigh.

He couldn't do this anymore.

-There are 13 angels left.

That single sentence made Sam and Dean feel like the universe itself stopped working.

13?

How in the ever loving fuck did that happen?

That shouldn't be possible right?

Angels weren't under any circumstances suppose to ever take hold of the "Near extinction" tag.

It just shouldn't be possible.

-Hold it. Can't angels make other angels? Like. You know, baby angels? - Dean's question got Sam giving him a deadpanned look and Gabriel snorting as he glanced back at Dean with a look that spoke of someone who couldn't believe people could reach such level of stupidity at this day and age.

-Dean-o. First of all ew. Not judging here if you swing that way but angels are siblings . We are not gonna bang each other just because extinction is near. And even if we did angels can't procreate with other angels. It's just not biologically possible.- Told the archangel as if it was an universal knowledge that they should by logic know.

-What about Nephilims? A half angel could still power up Heaven right?- Asks Sam as he remembered reading about the half human half angel beings. Gabriel's face grows sour.

-Nephilims are not angels. Their angel aspect is grace and that's useless to keep Heaven standing. Angels were crafted from stars and laced with other... stuff. Why do you think your eyes burn out when you stare at our true forms and we have such  explosively dramatic deaths? We are literally speaking stars .

Sam chose to file that amazing fact for later.

-If Heaven and the angels are in this level of trouble where is God? Wouldn't He be able to create more angels? One thing is to not give a fuck about Earth but this is Heaven we are talking about. How can He not care about that?

Gabriel didn't answer at Dean's question.

He looked sick and as if Dean had said something that shouldn't be said.

Something that Gabriel himself had made sure to ignore and Dean just punched it straight into him.

And a sudden chill ran down Sam's spine as he felt the world zoom out on him. Dread taking hold of his entire being.

-Gabriel where is God? 

At Sam's question the archangel's neutral look fell leaving nothing but unfathomable anguish and desolation behind. Haunted and lost in a world too big.

And his next words stopped the world itself for the brothers.

-He's dead.

-Come again?

-Metatron said he killed Him.

-That's impossible. You can't kill God .- Told Dean as denial hit him like a train.

-It's not if He was human at the time.

-Hu- What?- Sam was having a moment of pure confusion and terror here and Gabriel's words were not helping. God couldn't be dead. That just didn't made sense. Wasn't possible at all.

-You know who was the first one to get his brain set to pureé? God's right hand. Michael. Naomi used him to manipulate God into thinking He was losing control of His powers and that some time on Earth as a human would do Him good. Pops followed Michael's advice and turned Himself human.

-Couldn't He just juice back up?

-No. He hid His powers somewhere and didn't told a single soul about the location which to be fair He had all the right to do so but then He forgot where He left His powers. So Metatron took advantage of it and killed Him.

-You said Metatron said he killed God. You didn't see it happen right? Which means He could be alive and wandering around like Cain. Immortal and hiding from Heaven if He is powerless.- Sam looked as if he was trying to assure himself as much as he was trying to assure Gabriel. Dean didn't look any better.

Because all this time he had been hating God for not lifting a finger to stop the feathered dicks or help them at all.

It wasn't that He didn't care.

He just couldn't help them.

And if God was off the grid then that meant Joshua's words had been lies.

The poor bastard had as all angels his mind set to pureé by Naomi.

Of course he would lie to keep them from finding God.

-You are an archangel. Aren't there privileges with God for that? You can't find Him?

The look Dean got was more murderous than either human had ever seen.

And at the same time it was tired and miserable.

Regretful.

Pained.

Broken.

-Archangels used to have a direct line with God. We could hear His voice the same He could hear ours and then....

Gabriel felt nauseous as he remembered when all went down. The fear. The panic. The chaos. The screams. The loneliness. The pain. The confusion.

It had been too much.

-What happened?- Asked Sam as gentle as possible. Gabriel looked like the definition of haunted right now.

-I became the greatest coward and ran. That's what happened. I'm an archangel. God's strength and I ran the moment I saw an opening. Do you know the amount of cowardice it required to ignore the pain that tearing through the gates of Heaven caused?- Tells Gabriel as he pulls at his sleeves to show burn-like marks running across his forearms.- My true form got so fucked it brands whichever vessel I get into.

-Gabriel. What exactly happened in Heaven? How did.... How did all of this even happened?- Asks Dean as the trickster covers his arms again. Because how an archangel who called himself God's strength had ended up like this?

Like a coward who ran at every single given chance.

How did God all-seeing didn't see this coming? How did He let it get so out of hand?

-.... I would rather not speak about it.- Muttered Gabriel. He couldn't speak of it. What Dean asked for was too related to them and the less he thought about them the better. It was bad enough to feel Cassiel's presence from that room but not feel him.

He wouldn't survive talking about those memories.

About that haunting moment of his existence that changed his entire life and his siblings'.

-Dude. Heaven is about to collapse. I happen to like living without a cosmic problem on our hands. So, start talking.

-You don't get it. I can't speak about it.

-I thought Naomi hadn't managed to get her hands on you.

-It has nothing to do with her. It's... An angel thing no human would ever begin to understand no matter how simple the concept is put for their stupid brains to understand.

-Try us.

Gabriel scoffed before sighing. It made no sense to hide it.

If Cassiel was regaining his grace and memories it meant it wouldn't be long before he began feeling the effects.

And if that happened the Winchesters would have to be prepared to deal with the wrath of heaven's deadliest archangel.

-Archangels are connected in a more... profound way than the other angels. It's a different kind of connection... When Pops made us it was for a job that required us to be aware of each other at all times without getting distracted. So he made us with our graces interlocked.

-Interlocked?

-We could feel each other's emotions to a certain degree. We could feel each other at all moments. Our graces and minds were made to flow like a perfect symphony that couldn't be broken. Only an archangel can kill another archangel for a reason. None of us would ever kill each other that's... We would have never killed each other for the simple fact that we literally need each other to function correctly.

Gabriel could feel the panic surging again. The hollow feeling in his chest getting more and more harder to ignore

He should stop talking.

-When I tore through heaven's gates and fell to Earth. I didn't move for years . I couldn't move. Because all of them were gone and it felt hollow and silent and so fucking suffocating. Like I was drowning in a universe too massive. I have been feeling them since the second I was created and out of nowhere they were gone and the sudden whiplash of their absence felt like the void had begun eating what was left of me.

He really should stop talking.

-One of the reasons I put a Pagan God persona on me was because if I forgot I was an archangel it was easier to ignore their absence. If I don't think about them I don't have to remember how it still feels like I'm being crushed and suffocated whenever I realize I can't feel them. I can't hear them. If I keep running I don't have to face the fact that... that I'm alone and that it's still eating me alive.

Gabriel wanted to leave.

He was at the verge of losing his sense of self. His mind. He was gonna kill someone for real if it didn't stop. Cassiel was there and it was driving him insane how he couldn't feel him.

Meanwhile all Sam and Dean could do was stare.

Because what was one suppose to say to that?

Shit was worse than either of them ever thought possible.

And that also explained Castiel's words concerning the archangels.

-Cas said he wanted to get Lucifer and Michael out of the cage. Is it because he's connected to them?

Father how was Gabriel suppose to answer them without getting more questions thrown at him?

Couldn't the two morons just stop asking?

But if what Sam said was true then it meant troubles were coming faster than Gabriel had expected.

Which meant Gabriel couldn't hide it as he had intended.

Because the last thing he needed was Cassiel going after Lucifer without his memories and powers over instincts engraved into his grace.

So taking a deep breath and pushing past the growing panic he spoke.

-Cassiel.

-What?

-His name. Castiel's real name is Cassiel. He was the last archangel to be created with one sole purpose.

-Protect Lucifer?- Dean's question got him a frown from Gabriel.

-He said he was suppose to protect him but that he failed. That he broke the sole thing he wasn't suppose to break.- Told Sam as he remembered his friend's words.

Gabriel felt as if someone had punched him.

"Oh Cassie."

-In part. But Cassiel's purpose was to guard the archangels. That's why he's got some of our feathers. When Dad created him He asked for some of our feathers to create an unbreakable link. The guardian of the archangels.

-Why the hell would an archangel need another archangel to protect them?

Gabriel glanced at Dean with a dark look.

-The Mark Of Cain.

Dean touched his arm almost out of reflex.

-What does the Mark has to do with it?

-That Mark wasn't Cain's when it was first created. It was Lucifer's.

Those words were like a bucket of ice.

-Lucifer's... Wait. Doesn't that mean that the Mark...?- Sam felt nauseous suddenly. As if all he has ever known has been nothing but a lie.

"Lucifer feels evil and toxic. Samael feels bright and cold."

God. This had to be some kind of joke right? 

If the Mark had corrupted Lucifer then that meant... Sam had seen what that thing was doing to Dean. He couldn't begin to fathom what having that Mark for years could do.

As he glanced at Dean he realized his brother was having the same thoughts as him.

-The Mark corrupted Lucifer?

-Yes. That Mark is a lock and a key to a being of pure destruction. God created the archangels to help him lock her away. He gave it to Lucifer for safekeeping since he was his favorite. Metatron got pissed that Pops hadn't chose him to guard something that important and so he twisted it. The Mark reflects the evilness of the being that locks and so it corrupts its wielder. Cassiel was created to protect Lucifer's soul from the Mark's darkness.

-Wait. His soul? I thought angels didn't have a soul.

-They don't. At least not anymore. Metatron and Naomi made sure to lock their souls so angels would have to depend on heaven to keep their grace powered up. To keep themselves alive. Whoever left heaven would be killed as a punishment for rejecting our father even though He's dead.

-You don't know that.- Sam felt the need to tell at the last remark.

Gabriel scoffed.

-But we have met angels who didn't act soulless. Anna, Balthazar, Samandriel, Hannah, Cas . Hell even that asshole of Gadreel.

-Anna made herself human after breaking out of Naomi's control. When she was taken back to Heaven the soul she had gained was locked back again.

Well that explained her sudden murderous tendencies.

-Balthazar faked his death after a certain war and managed to get his soul back. Hannah was almost done unlocking her soul. Not sure what became of her. Gadreel... I'm not sure what happened with him... Samandriel was a test to see how a mind controlled angel fared with a soul. Cassiel... He has no soul. It's his link with your soul that acts as a soul for him.

-If it's possible to unlock his soul-

-You can't unlock his soul.- Cut off Gabriel feeling a pang in his chest as he remembered the moment he stopped feeling Cassiel.

The moment he thought him to have been killed.

-His soul couldn't be locked away like with the others. As I said he was the guardian of the archangels which made him... special in more senses than humans or angels in general were allowed to know. 

-Special?

-As I said. Humans aren't allowed to know. The thing is that he couldn't be killed so his soul was ripped out to disconnect him from us, from Lucifer. His grace was connected to us but his soul was connected to Lucifer's. It was an unbreakable link to keep him safe from the Mark. If his soul was gone his grace would stop working and therefore the Mark would start acting up again.

-They wanted to get rid of Lucifer.- Realized Sam feeling more and more nauseous with each word Gabriel spoke.

Because God all this time.

All this damn time.

There had been something so much worse going on than either of them could had ever imagined.

-Yes. Lucifer manipulated Cain into accepting the Mark in a last attempt to save himself but when he came back to Heaven Metatron as the voice of God had declared Lucifer an evil being who needed to be contained before he corrupted Heaven itself. Michael was sent after him to fight him.

-Where was Cas?- Asked Dean feeling something he never thought he would feel.

He felt sorry for the devil.

-Michael had dragged him to Naomi before that in order to take the archangels out from the root. We tried to get to him but... It was futile. Michael and Raphael were stronger than us and Lucifer was nowhere to be either seen or heard. Cassiel could have broken free but in order to overpower Michael he would have had to hurt him and he couldn't do that.

Gabriel's words made Sam and Dean realize something.

Castiel's attitude against Dean for being Michael's vessel when he got one of those episodes.

Michael dragged him to Naomi to suffer an unfathomable pain and fought Lucifer.

Sam was Lucifer's vessel.

And suddenly a few things from the past days gained sense.

-And since you couldn't save him you decided to run off?- Accused Dean which got him a murderous look in return.

-No. I ran after I escaped from Raphael who stole the grace from Azrael and Uriel and was coming after me. I ran because Heaven was in fucking chaos and all the angels were screaming and fighting each other. Metatron told me he had killed God and I couldn't feel anyone. Anyone at all.

He should shut up now.

-Michael and Lucifer were tearing at each other's throats with a violence I never thought them possible of not even at their worst.

He should shut up, before he crosses the threshold .

-Uriel and Azrael were gone. Balthazar, Gadreel and Samandriel were nowhere to be found and I could feel Cassiel's pain like a damn whiplash and then the remaining connection snapped out of existence and I thought Cassiel had been killed off.

He was done for.

-So I tore through the gates of Heaven and spent the next years at the bottom of the ocean hoping for death to come. I am a coward, yes, but what did you expect me to do? Thousand upon thousand of my siblings were slaughtering each other over Michael and Lucifer's sides and God was dead and so was Cassiel and Raphael tried to kill me.

He really was done for.

-How was I suppose to do anything if they were dead, gone or acting crazy? I couldn't kill them and I didn't to watch them all tear at each other's throats. Lucifer and Michael wanted to kill each other for real. Samandriel was gone. Balthazar was gone. Gadreel was gone. Uriel was gone. Azrael was gone. Cassiel was gone. Dad was gone. All of them were gone and Raphael wouldn't stop chasing after me and I couldn't feel anyone. I couldn't feel anyone at all. All I could feel was the universe threatening to drown me. Empty and loud and massive and I couldn't do anything to make it stop. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it! Why wouldn't it stop?!

-Gabriel-

He was suffocating now.

Mind spiralling as the world grew distorted.

-And the angels wouldn't stop screaming. They wouldn't stop fighting. They wouldn't stop fighting why wouldn't they stop fighting?

Ah. This was it.

The end of the rope.

The ether was crushing him.

His grace was suffocating him.

He needed Cassiel. 

But he was dead.

Like God like Samandriel like Balthazar like Raphael like Gadreel like Uriel like Azrael all of them were dead and he was alone and suffocating and being crushed under the weight of a world too big too crowded too overhelming too empty- 

H̷e̷ w̷a̷s̷ s̷o̷ a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷.̷ H̷o̷w̷ d̷i̷d̷ h̷e̷ n̷o̷t̷ n̷o̷t̷i̷c̷e̷ i̷t̷?̷ H̷e̷ w̷a̷s̷s̷u̷f̷f̷o̷c̷a̷t̷i̷n̷g̷-̷d̷r̷o̷w̷n̷i̷n̷g̷-̷c̷r̷u̷s̷h̷e̷d̷ -̷ a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷ a̷l̷l̷ o̷f̷t̷h̷e̷m̷a̷r̷e̷d̷e̷a̷d̷ a̷n̷d̷l̷e̷f̷t̷h̷i̷m̷a̷l̷l̷a̷l̷o̷n̷e̷

And the ether wouldn't stop crushing his entire being. Obliterating his grace and sending ripples of an emptiness so massive it punched the breath out of him and destabilized what he had ever held in such tight grip.

Heaven was falling. Heaven was falling. God was dead. The heir was dead. The angels were killing each other. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't feel anything in general. There was pain. Pain searing through his wings. Through his grace. He was-

Father the house of cards had fallen.

And now all he could feel was as the void ate away at his soul and obliterated his entire being. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see. He couldn't hear. His grace was burning. His chest was gonna explode along with his soul. He was gonna-

There were arms around him. 

A striking coldness and brightness with an explosion of blinding flames that wasted no second to obliterate his entire being back into orbit. Yanking his mind and soul straight into a symphony he hadn't felt in centuries. Grace falling back into track as the strings of warmness seeped through the piercing cold and brightness. As the flames danced amongst it all.

And for a moment he was able to feel himself being aligned with creation itself.

A familiar resonance that just fit perfectly with his soul. It was such an unexpected feeling it overwhelm each piece of his being. Breath caught in his throat as his muscles went lax.

Strong.

Such a strong resonance.

He could feel them all.

All of them. 

Chapter Text

Dean has never been one good with words and he did felt pissed at Gabriel for running off and choosing to save his own skin rather than help but the last thing he expected was for his words to set the archangel off into an endless stream of things that got worse and worse the more he spoke.

-How was I suppose to do anything if they were dead, gone or acting crazy? I couldn't kill them and I didn't to watch them all tear at each other's throats. Lucifer and Michael wanted to kill each other for real. Samandriel was gone. Balthazar was gone. Uriel was gone. Gadreel was gone. Azrael was gone. Cassiel was gone. Dad was gone . All of them were gone and Raphael wouldn't stop chasing after me and I couldn't feel anyone. I couldn't feel anyone at all. All I could feel was the universe threatening to drown me. Empty and loud and massive and I couldn't do anything to make it stop. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it! Why wouldn't it stop?!

Gabriel was frantic now as his fingers pulled at his hair. Eyes wild and almost deranged.

And it was then that Dean realized what he had done.

He tampered with the worst possible buried trauma in human history.

-Gabriel-

Sam tried to get the archangel's attention but Gabriel didn't even react to his voice. His breathing as frantic as he looked.

-And the angels wouldn't stop screaming. They wouldn't stop fighting. They wouldn't stop fighting why wouldn't they stop fighting?

The archangel fell into a loop of Enochian that hitched from time to time.

Sam and Dean had at some point pondered how must it had been during Lucifer's fall.

Now they wished they didn't had the answer.

Because for the sounds of it that was far from what the Bible ever made it out to be.

It had been an unfair war brought by two deranged assholes who had wanted to do as much damage as possible over their own stupid greed and selfishness.

It hadn't been Lucifer's fall.

As deranged as it sounded it had been the imprisonment of an archangel who couldn't be controlled.

The enslavement of the angels.

It wasn't the fall of Lucifer.

It was the fall of Heaven.

And that realization made them feel sicker than either of them ever thought possible.

-Gabriel.- Sam had to swallow past the lump in his throat as he called for the archangel who seemed to be growing worse and worse. All curled and almost gasping rather than breathing. His arms were now shielding his head as if waiting for a blow while also attempting to make himself as small as possible.

How was he suppose to fix this?

How could either of them ever begin to fix this?

Was this something fixable at all?

-Gabe. Gabe listen to me. I don't know if you can hear me but I need you to know that whatever it's it's fine. You are not in Heaven remember? You are at the bunker. Remember me? Sam Winchester. My brother Dean Winchester.

But this time not even that seemed to be bringing Gabriel out. Even as Sam risked resting his hand on top of the archangel's hands he didn't react at all.

-Dean.- He glanced at his brother now feeling the distress crippling in. Dean looked back at him drowning in guilt and regret.

-I don't know Sammy.

And then Gabriel's skin began glowing. Like an undertone shimmer of wild energies that looked frizzled and glitched.

Wrong.

And he wouldn't stop sounding like he was suffocating.

Suffocating.

Unresponsive.

"Our graces and minds were made to flow like a perfect symphony that couldn't be broken."

"We literally need each other to function correctly."

"It felt hollow and silent and so fucking suffocating. Like I was drowning in a universe too massive."

"The absence felt like the void had begun eating what was left of me."

"If I don't think about them I don't have to remember how it still feels like I'm being crushed and suffocated whenever I realize I can't feel them. I can't hear them."

"If I keep running I don't have to face the fact that I'm alone and that it's still eating me alive."

"All I could feel was the universe threatening to drown me. Empty and loud and massive and I couldn't do anything to make it stop."

-Dean come here.- Called Sam as a sudden blood curling realization struck him. He just hoped this worked and didn't made things worse.

-You said-

-No, come here. I think this is what he meant when he said he couldn't talk about it. I think this is what he meant when he said he couldn't move when he fell to Earth. He said archangels are connected and need each other to survive. That it was something we wouldn't be able to understand no matter how much he explained it.

-We are not archangels Sam.- Reminded him Dean as a matter of fact while still approaching his brother just in case he had to yank him away from Gabriel's reach.

-No. But Cas did seem to find his center whenever I was close. He went straight for a hug I guess so as to get closer to my soul.

-You can't be seriously thinking about letting a full powered archangel hug you.- Said Dean in disbelief at the level of stupidity his brother was attempting to get to.

-No. I'm asking you to sit down and hug him with me. It sounds stupid but look at him Dean. You were the one who put him in this state.- Using guilt was a dick move but Sam needed to get Dean to stop being an ass and help him get Gabriel out of whatever this was before something horrible happened.

Because he didn't want to find out what Castiel would react like if he was to see the state Gabriel was in because of them.

Dean for his side squirmed and cussed under his breath before joining Sam on the ground with the archangel Dean never thought able to do anything but be an ass with shitty pranks.

And here he was about to hug him.

Hell hugging Cas and Sam was awkward enough for him to now have to hug Gabriel and if shit couldn't be weirder it wasn't because of him that the hug had to ensue. No . It was because of Michael's stupid ass signature in his soul.

The glow in the archangel's skin crackled.

Sam and Dean shared a look and praying for this to not end with broken bones and potential death the hunters hugged the archangel.

The consequences were immediate.

Gabriel's entire body flinched and a sense of static ran through their skin. Seizing their cores with unforgiving force as an overhelming wave of sensations invaded their senses.

Each sensation connected to knowledge neither of them knew in the first place.

The resonance of each soul human or animal that God carved with His barehands.

The pulse and singular song of each star the lightbringer brought into existence and that were now scattered across the universe like a precise mosaic of perfection.

The unyielding sense of fight and loyalty engraved into the souls of each wolf and dog across the Earth as a gift from Michael.

The healing characteristics of thousand of plants around Earth that Raphael made and the heartbeats of the reptiles he was allowed to keep after the dinosaurs' fiasco.

The piercing resonance from Gabriel's beloved Bermuda triangle and the life force from all the platypus he brought into existence.

The aura of each one of Azrael's reapers and the whirring of her treasured black holes in outter space. 

The soft hum of Uriel's fireflies and bioluminescent creatures/organisms.

The rotation of Cassiel's beloved Saturn and the soft buzzing of his treasured bees. 

-Son of--

Dean's breath caught in his throat as he blinked and felt as if a piece of him had been cut off the second the strange wave shut off.

Sam at his side looking between awestruck and mortified.

It took him a moment to find his center and remember where he was and another one to realize Gabriel had passed out against him.

-What the hell was that?- Dean wasn't sure to who was he asking that as he stared down at the unconcious archangel.

For the first time since knowing that the feathered dicks were real Dean felt himself grow aware of what an angel was.

-Lucifer made the stars.- Whispered Sam not fully registering his brother's words.

The archangels had been involved in creation itself.

And there was something about that sudden knowledge that made it feel wrong in unfathomable ways to have two of them unconcious and to have locked away two more.

Wait.

-Holy fuck Uriel was an archangel.

~

Castiel woke up staring at the ceiling of a room. 

His room.

His head pounding with traces of.... something. He didn't even try to get up. He felt drained. Oh so drained that it took him a great deal of time to realize Gabriel was hovering over him. 

Gabriel.

Supposedly dead Gabriel.

Hovering over him.

At the bunker.

-Looking good bro. 

Castiel's brain was muddled but even then he forced himself to speak. He wasn't sure why Gabriel gave him that funny look. Maybe he was hallucinating or was it another trick? His brain felt like goo and his grace felt uncomfortable. 

Gabriel was now too close for comfort. So close he could pin point the humming of his grace.

And for some reason the humming came out wrong to him despite the fact that this was the first time he was so close to the archangel to feel his grace like this. 

He lifted his hand and grabbed a handful of hair. Tugging on it which made Gabriel raise his eyebrows. 

-Are you real? 

-As far as I know.

Castiel frowned at that and tugged at the hair one more time to Gabriel's amusement before letting it go. 

-How are you alive?- He asks as the archangel sits back with a relaxed posture. Allowing Castiel to sit up despite how weak he feels.

-I'm a trickster remember?

Castiel frowned at that and as he stared upon the trickster he noticed something. Something off and broken and raw.

And the sudden overhelming crushing need to fix it that overcame him was too loud to ignore. Deafening and suffocating. It made his grace flare up and his chest hurt.

Castiel knew what he was feeling.

He knew it was forbidden.

But he couldn't stop it.

It felt clear. Fitting. Right .

And for the first time in his life Castiel did the unthinkable.

He reached out to Gabriel and curled his fingers around his forearms. His grace reaching out almost on instinct. Seeking to heal what was wrong. Soothing the rawness and knitting back together what was broken.

And the second he was done the second his breath caught in his throat as he felt it.

Tendrils of his grace interlocked with Gabriel's and viceverse. Restoring a piece of the broken symphony that was flowing through his entire being.

It fit.

And it was because of this overhelming realization of feeling the universe returning to him a piece of what belonged with him that it took him a moment to realize something.

He bound an archangel.

Gabriel.

Their graces which were now interlocked.

And even though Castiel had never felt the effect of an archangel right now he feels like he is about to be crushed under a star for doing something as dangerous and personal as interlocking graces. With an archangel. Without permission and he was so-

Wait.

He frowned and tapped at his grace.

What he got in return made him grow half confused half frantic.

One.

Gabriel did interlock his grace back with Castiel.

Two.

His grace felt stronger than last time he checked.

As in not-angel-level strong but stronger.

-Castiel we need to talk.

Gabriel's tone of voice made him look up and for the first time since he woke up he pondered how did the archangel found this place and why was he here.

-Talk....? Is this about-- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that I don't know why I did it I didn't meant to do it I just-

-Cassie. That's not it. It's fine. I promise.- Told Gabriel fighting to keep himself composed over the intense sense of having his link with Cassiel restored back after centuries of desolation. 

He failed though.

The need to envelop him with his wings after what Heaven had done to him all this past centuries was bigger. Knowing that he was alive and connected back to him. That he could feel him. To see what had he become when the last Gabriel knew of him he was almost stepping out of his fledgling days.

Same fledgling he had been entrusted to take care of and that he failed.

He was alive .

And thus Gabriel pulled him into an awkward hug. Wings enveloping him into a hug of their own.

Because he was alive .

Meanwhile Castiel had his cheek pressed against Gabriel's chest. Entire being tense and fingers flexing out of not knowing what to do.

Because Gabriel was hugging him.

The archangel's wings enveloped around him as if he was one of his own.

He didn't understand and even if he didn't the strong need to hold onto him was almost suffocating.

Something about this felt familiar and old. Oh so old.

And thus his arms wrapped around him and he melted into the hug.

It was like getting back something he didn't knew he had missed. That feeling was becoming too familiar to his liking.

Gabriel's grace felt familiar and rather than threatening or overhelming it felt comforting and nice.

Like a warm blanket during a cold night.

Meanwhile all Gabriel could think about was how he was making things weirder for Cass considering all he knew about Gabriel was his questionable relationship with the Winchesters and that he bailed out of Heaven centuries ago.

Still there was nothing he could do about it.

Because the brother he had given for dead eons ago was here right infront of him and no longer under the control of Naomi nor Metatron. He was safe and alive and Gabriel had been so close to keeping him without even realizing it after he refused to return him to the Winchesters after realizing he could end up dead.

But this was no time to dwell on the past.

He had spoken with the Winchesters after his deplorable episode.

Cassiel was dangerous.

His need to free Lucifer and Michael would grow and it would be a matter of time before he lashed out with lethal consequences at whoever denied him the presence of the archangels.

Age never mattered when it came to Cassiel's near destructive tendencies whenever one of his older brothers was out of reach.

If he freed Lucifer now both of them would end up hurt or worse.

Cassiel needed the wall down but it was something that Gabriel couldn't do without risking damaging him permanently.

He needed to unravel a wall that has been embedded into his mind like a second skin (as bizarre as it sounded). Cracked with bleeding memories that were nothing but whispers that the fog drowned.

Delicate didn't even begin to describe the issue with this situation.

Even more so considering Cassiel's mind had been a deadly labyrinth for threats since the moment he was created. How did Naomi unlocked it was beyond his knowledge. 

Which meant that Gabriel needed Cassiel to open a clean path in the labyrinth for him unless he wanted to end with a splitting headache or doing more harm than good. 

-Gabriel? Not that I mind but why are you hugging me? How did you find this place? You didn't do anything to the Winchesters did you?- That one he pushed himself away from the archangel in order to ask it. Eyes narrowing dangerously. 

-Easy there bucko. I did nothing to the two hermanos . And do I need a reason to hug my little bro?

Castiel gave him a deadpanned look as he leaned away from the golden wings that oddly reminded him of-

His attention snapped to his own wings. The third set which he brought forward to study the few golden feathers that oddly resembled Gabriel's. He stretched his wing forward in order to get it to align with one of Gabriel's which the archangel didn't seem bothered about.

It weren't similar colors.

It were the exact same color.

But that was impossible because no angel had the exact same color of feathers.

How did-

-I told you we need to talk.- Gabriel's words cut through his thoughts. Hands grabbing his face and forcing him to stop looking at his wings.

-What...?

-Look, at first I thought it would be better if nothing was to be known but I have been made aware of a few things that make this a pressing issue.

-What are you talking about?

-That wall you have. I can remove it but you have to help me. You need to allow me in. You need to trust me.

-I trust you.

Castiel was taken aback by his own words.

Because he had no reason at all to trust the archangel and still deep down a whisper was assuring him that there was no one in this word he could trust more than Gabriel.

-Good. Lay down.- Gabriel had to clear his throat to keep his emotions in check as he pushed the other down before sitting at his side and resting a hand on his forehead.

-You didn't answer me earlier. How did you find this place?

-I followed your voice.

Well technically he was yanked across the ether by his voice but who cared to keep up with details?

-My voice?

-Yes now relax and keep quiet. Once the wall is down you will understand.

Castiel gave him an odd look but did as told. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he relaxed his entire being. The flow of his grace growing slow and low.

There was something he had failed to mention Sam and Dean from the moment he met them.

Angels were indeed able to sleep.

But in order to do so their grace's flow had to grow almost dormant so as to cut off its power from their core.

Vulnerable didn't even begin to describe what this state left them in.

Part of him found it almost frightening how much he was willing to trust the same archangel who had shoved him through weird illusions and killed one of his friends over a hundred times.

Still.

He trusted him.

And part of him knew it was the right thing to do.

So with one last sigh his grace stopped powering him up and blackness engulfed him.

~

Archangel, Cassiel.

Angel Of Tears. Solitude. Temperance. Patience. Mercy.

Speed Of God. Wrath Of God.

Angel Of Saturn. Father Of Time.

Guardian Of Archangels and Watcher Of Mankind.

Fastest archangel in all of creation.

Archangel Cassiel also known as Castiel or Qafsiel was created to watch over the universe without interference and to only intervene during times of great need. His main purpose though was to guard the archangels but over all to keep the soul of God's Poison safe from the corrupted energies.

Of all the angels that God created Cassiel shone the brightest for he was the last archangel to be created and the Heir Of Heaven.

Cassiel is one of God's greatest warriors for he was trained by Archangel Michael himself.

Prince regent of the Seventh Heaven; holiest of the holiest places where God sits on His Throne along with the highest orders of angels. He presides over the deaths of kings and guards those who would be overlooked. Watches over all the waters and is the protector of everything that lives within them.

Able to muster attacks at the speed of light and be in several places at the same time. It is because of this speed that the Ancient Greeks worshipped him as Hermes, whom is known as the messenger of the gods. His speed is so mighty even the archangel Michael is unable to keep up with him. Attacks able to wield the same effect as being struck by a white dwarf star.

Cassiel holds forbidden knowledge and is in charge of past life experiences and reincarnation. He decides who may or may not enter the Seventh Heaven. Reason on the why in some human tarot cards Archangel Cassiel is mistakenly refer to as the Archangel of Death.

Cassiel guards the treshold between the human world and the next life. He shows both the unity of all things in the Eternal World and the futility of all pursuits in the Phenomenal World. He is the messenger of completion for the Second Totality of Functioning, the Unity of Presence. He is a ruling Prince of the Angelic Order of Powers.

He has an enormous army of spirits under his command and is armed with a lightning-dripping sword as well as a bow, tempests, light, and powerful winds—weapons which he uses against anyone not fit to see God.

Cassiel is Heaven's heir for when God created him He gifted him with the strength and knowledge to reign over Heaven.

Archangel Cassiel is the one archangel who overthrows Lucifer and Michael in power. He's the highest ranking angel for he wields the power to obliterate worlds the same as he wields the power to create entire universes.

Some claim that as the Heir Of Heaven God gifted him the knowledge on how to craft angels and archangels.

Cassiel as the guardian of the archangels is connected to them. And as the archangels he's also connected to God Himself.

And it's because of this fact that Heaven's wrath will rain upon those who dare to bring harm to him.

-Well that at least explains the reason for him to want to free Lucifer and Michael right?

Charlie's words fell on deaf ears. Dean had sent her a text to not come out so as to avoid having Gabriel around her but considering the archangel wasn't a threat right now...

Sam and Dean had chose to search Cassiel's name while waiting for Gabriel to remove the wall from Cas.

Neither of them ever expected to learn what they just learnt.

Guardian Of Archangels.

Heir Of Heaven.

Lightning sword.

Overthrows Lucifer and Michael in power.

Army of spirits.

Highest Ranking Angel.

Power to obliterate worlds.

The idea that Naomi and Metatron had had power over someone that powerful made their skin crawl. Forget about Lucifer Earth's biggest threat had been right at their side this whole time without a clue he was even a potential threat.

Now Dean could understand what Gabriel meant when he told them earlier that Cas could become an unstoppable force if he didn't brought the wall down and his want for the archangels was to grow.

Dean had once thought Cas to be a scary motherfucker when pissed.

He didn't want to know how a pissed archangel Cas was like.

Still so much had to be done.

Heaven was on the brink of collapsing for what Gabriel said and since the brothers refused to believe God was dead He also was on the wind.

-How does one even begins searching for God?- Ponders Dean as he stares at the book that threatened to melt his brain. He needed to focus on something that wasn't about the fact that he kicked out and beat the crap out of an archangel who could cease his existence with a sole thought.

God he almost killed their only hope to stop a cosmic disaster.

-He's been missing for decades and no angel or archangel has ever been able to find Him. Not even Cas who used that amulet which means that if He doesn't want to be found He won't be found. And if He's human for the most part there won't be signals to find Him through.

Finding out that God was walking around with a target on his back was disturbing let alone finding out that there were 13 angels left and that two angels wanted God and Heaven destroyed.

Still Charlie had the firm belief that God wouldn't do something as reckless and stupid as making Himself 100% human.

-Great. As if God's powers laying around for anyone to grab isn't bad enough.

-He's God. Maybe if we pray to Him and explain the situation-

-Dude don't you think moping Gabriel over there didn't try that like a thousand times? I bet the guy flew across the entire Earth searching for Him before we were even in Heaven's plans for Michael and Lucifer's vessels.

Sam made a face at that.

But Dean was right.

If Metatron did attempt to kill a powerless God and Naomi took control over the angels and archangels he doubted God would answer to anyone claiming to be on His side. He wouldn't trust a single soul after the same beings He Himself created attempted to murder Him.

A prophet right now would be so much better considering their connection with God could be different.

But Chuck and Kevin were dead and there had been no signals at all about a person with newly acquired talent to write weird languages.

-Can we summon God?

Charlie's words got Sam and Dean's heads snapping to attention.

-Summon Him?- Dean looked as if the sole idea had never crossed his mind.

-Yes. Summon Him. Other Gods can be summoned right? Same as demons and angels He shouldn't be different right?

-That's actually a good idea. 

-If He is human I doubt that's gonna work and even so I would rather not risk Heaven sensing Him because of us and getting Him killed for real.- Sam's words got Charlie going pale and Dean's hopes crashing.

-What are we suppose to do then? You heard Gabriel. There's 13 friggin' angels left. 13 .

-Yes and two of them are here and another two in Hell. Four archangels must be greater to keep Heaven standing right? Even more so if one of them is the Heir. As long as we keep them alive-

-That's it.- Cut off Dean as realization hit him.

-That's it what?

-Cas has been brought back each time he has died which means God knows if he is alive or not. He said he heard voices or felt stuff whenever he woke up that he couldn't explain nor make out. 

-He was told to run with the angel tablet after he broke out of Naomi's control, he woke up after Kevin awakened his prophet mode and he said he felt like something was telling him that it was wrong to kill the angels.- Added Charlie half beginning to see what Dean was aiming for.

-It's like He knows Cas is no longer under Naomi's control and is attempting to call out to him.- Finished Sam as he realized where Dean and Charlie were going with this.

The idea of God making Cas steal the angel tablet so Naomi wouldn't get to it, making Cas wake up so as to keep Kevin away from the other angels...

Crap.

He knew the angels were being mind controlled and He was making Cas feel that it was wrong to kill them.

Which meant He was indeed not 100% human and fully aware of Heaven's state.

-But if He knows Cas is safe to speak to how come He hasn't attempted to contact him?- Charlie's words slapped over a thousand questions on the brothers at the weight of her words.

-Gabriel did said God could hear the archangels' voices and viceverse. What if Naomi fucked with their heads so as to keep God in mute?

-But Gabriel said Naomi didn't got to him. Wouldn't He had been able to hear Gabriel and viceverse? Even so what stops Him from summoning an angel?- Frowned Sam as he tried to make sense of Dean's words and his own new questions.

Because if God was human and had no connections with the angels/archangels what was stopping Him from using a basic summoning spell?

Angels and archangels could be summoned as long as there was a name.

Sam and Dean had summoned Balthazar once and Dean summoned Cas once.

How come God hadn't summoned Cas if he was aware of Cas' freedom from Naomi?

It made no sense.

-Man this shit sucks.- Groaned Dean as he realized nothing made sense at all. Right when he thought something useful had come to them.

Was this something able to be fixed or was it too late to fix anything at all?

-But how did he manage to communicate with Cas? If we can make out a patron we could get Cas to hear Him for real.

-He said during resurrection but forgive me if killing Cas isn't in my to-do list. And we have no prophet which means no actual patron.

-Dean that's not helping.- Reprimanded Sam.

-He also said that when he killed an angel it felt wrong.- Reminded them Charlie matter of fact.

-We can't test that for last time I checked we need all the feathered dicks that are left as alive as possible.

-But what if he hurts another archangel? He said nothing about them but if he is suppose to protect them wouldn't that have a stronger reaction?- Said Sam making memory of Cas words.

-Another.... You want him to kill Gabriel?

-No.- Sam looked almost scandalized at his brother's words. After finding out what he did he doubted he would ever be able to ask Cas to kill another archangel. 

Not even Lucifer. 

Sam had caught Gabriel before he went to Cas' room and had asked the one thing that his mind wouldn't stop pondering about.

"Was the Mark the one who made Lucifer evil?"

"In part. He spent thousand of years locked in solitude in Hell right after being subjected to the Mark's darkness thrice as hard. He was also cut off from Heaven and the archangels. Betrayed and locked like a common dog. That's reason enough to drive anyone insane."

At Sam's look Gabriel had sighed.

"He wasn't evil. He resented our father for asking him to bow before humanity but other than that the worst thing he ever did was join Azrael into destroying Atlantis after one of the guys there kept hitting on her and calling her names. Those waves were amazing to surf on."

Lucifer and the angel of death being responsible for Atlantis' destruction aside Sam hadn't been sure of those words.

His memories from the cage weren't that great and his time as Lucifer's vessel hadn't been an amazing thing but.... finding out that the Mark had been the one to corrupt him and that he was sent to Hell as a plot to get rid of him...

Sam had seen what the Mark had been doing to Dean.

What it had done to Cain.

If there were chances of fixing the devil he would take it.

The less threats the world had the better.

-Cas just needs to hurt Gabriel enough to get a reaction from God.

-Won't Gabriel take that as a challenge and beat the crap out of him?- Charlie didn't knew much about the archangel considering his little appearances in the books but she knew that he was not someone to mess with for the sake of testing something.

At Sam's face Charlie raised her eyebrows and Dean snorted.

-You want two archangels to get into a fight so as to catch God's attention?

-It's not like we have much options here.

-Fair point.

~

Gabriel had known that reaching this kind of wall would be difficult but he never thought it would be so near damn impossible.

Threading through the fog was like walking on eggshells on a minefield while also attempting to balance an egg on a thin glass spoon while wearing high heels with two left feet.

All of it while also having to deal with the weeping angels from Doctor Who.

Naomi and Metatron had made more than sure that Cassiel would never be an issue to them.

And even so the fact that Cass was here right now was proof that even without his memories Cass was still the most uncontrollable being in all creation. He did as he pleased and went against rules and orders if he believed it to not be right.

Like that time he flat out refused to make it rain diamonds on Earth on a worldwide scale as a request from Gabriel.

Gabriel still held the belief that it would be hilarious to see the humans' reaction to that.

But back to the problem at hand.

Gabriel was gonna tear Naomi apart for making this so complicated.

Threading through the darkness and fog to reach a wall that refused to cooperate was something Gabriel hoped to never have to deal with again.

It felt like he was using his grace to restore a faded angel back into the world of the living.

But twice as worse.

He just hoped that if he fainted he wouldn't wake up to cuffed hands because he either failed to break the wall down or because Cassiel thought him to be a traitor who abandoned him.

Gabriel wasn't sure which one would be worse.

He pondered where was Cass' soul though.

He just hoped it hadn't been destroyed.

Because if that was the case once Dean Winchester died a lot of things could go wrong now that he wasn't being mind controlled.

Gabriel perked up when he felt himself reach the wall and he would had spat at Naomi's name if he hadn't felt what he felt.

His blood ran cold.

-Crap.  

Chapter Text

-I thought angels didn't sleep.

-For all powerful beings as old as time it's amazing the level of cute both of them can reach.

After a night of nothing morning had come with no more clues than the hunters had had last night.

So the Winchesters (and a Charlie who couldn't be stopped) had ended up peeking into Castiel's room to check on him.

All in order to find both archangels fast asleep.

Or passed out who knows. 

Gabriel looked as if he had fallen asleep while sitting and had ended up toppling forward because he was in a definitely not healthy for his back position (if he was human) with his head on Castiel's shoulder.

And to make his position even more painful to watch his wings were out. Sam and Dean had never seen angel wings before and now it felt like the sight would never stop slapping them and their souls.

Six damn appendages that were too divine to stop looking at. The three from the left were drapped over the floor like a feathered blanket of liquefied gold while the other three were half drapped over Cas with edges so sharp the air around them could be sliced in half.

-Charlie that's not a good idea.- Told Dean as he caught her attempting to sneak a picture of the two archangels. He was also itching for a picture of those two for future blackmail but the idea of someone finding it and seeing Gabriel's wings which were without a doubt attached to his back felt too mortifying.

-Dean. I'm the best hacker in the world. This picture wouldn't even make it to the news if it was to leak out.

-... Send it to me.

-Of course.

Gabriel's wings twitched and a loose feather dropped to the floor almost in slow motion.

Charlie Bradbury had never moved so fast in her life.

Snatching the feather up with inhuman speed and backing off with equal speed from the bed in case Gabriel was to smack her with a wing in his sleep.

-Can I keep this? Is it legal to keep an angel feather? I won't go to hell if I keep it right?- Charlie was half freaking out as she held the feather that was the size of her hand between her fingers and despite looking as if it had been carved out of pure gold it was the lightest thing she has ever held. As she twirled it between her fingers the shimmer of it was almost soul striking.

-You want to keep that? That's like keeping someone's fingernails. You don't even know the dude.- Even if Dean wanted to sound disgusted he couldn't because that feather was too majestic for it to belong to someone as crappy as Gabriel.

-It's an angel feather Dean. But I think you should ask Gabriel if you can keep it.- Told Sam as he touched the feather and found it surprisingly soft. Angel feathers were dangerous as it were for spells, he didn't want to know what a feather from an archangel could be capable of.

Plus it was Gabriel's.

Even if he no longer needed it it was still his and keeping an angel feather without permission could be seen as offensive or inappropriate.

-You think it worked?- Pondered Dean as he stared at Cas' sleeping face and wasn't that friggin' weird? Having to see him sleeping of all things.

-Let's hope it did.- Sam didn't want to find out what Gabriel meant with Cas becoming an unstoppable force if he was kept being told to not free Michael and Lucifer.

Because if it came to that Sam didn't want to think about how stopping him would even work.

How would that happen.

~

Castiel woke up to a whisper scratching at the front of his mind. Similar to angel radio but raw. He groaned and tried to ignore it. Pushing it as far as possible so it would stop but that just seemed to double it in strenght.

He sat up and curled his fingers on his hair. Pressing the heels of his hands against his forehead in hopes to dim out the incoming frequencies.

But it began pounding. Like a whirring screaming to push past raw traces of grace that made him feel nauseous and curl. The thing was clawing and pushing past the darkness like tendrils of whispers. 

What was this?

His mind was fogged with pain and he couldn't quite remember what happened last.

He grabbed his head and cried out when the whirring slipped past him and like a glitched pitch of broken frequencies meant to cause as much pain as possible it drowned his head.

"Cass-"

The broken voice obliterated his mind with deafening might.

"Cass-"

Shut up.

"Cass-"

Shut up.

"Cass- -me- -iel-"

Shut up!

The voice glitched out and Castiel felt like his brain turned to dust for a full second in which his entire existence swam in a loop of nothingness and pure numbness.

He could hear muffled voices from afar and feel something on his face but he wasn't sure. His vision was blurred and there was something important he wasn't remembering. Something... Something....

Ah.

So much was missing and refusing to come.

Something stumbled out of his mouth but he was too out of it to care.

Blackness engulfed him.

~

-What do you mean you broke the wall but that it did nothing to mend him?

Gabriel sighed and groaned. He reappeared not even ten minutes ago and had slumped down on one of the chairs at the map table with his legs propped up on the table and a bag of M&Ms that had appeared out of thin air.

Sam and Charlie had accepted a handful of M&Ms as if the sole thing was normal.

Dean wasn't even sure what to think of Gabriel knowing where the bunker was.

-Dean-o I feel like I pulled a Jesus give me a break.- Gabriel was so tired he could double faint and take a shut down for the next few months and still here he was dragging his little grace to power him up.

-You slept for five hours and God knows for how long before we checked the room.

-Didn't knew you kept such close tabs on me. I'm touched.

-Shut up.

-Why does breaking the wall won't mend anything?- Asks Sam cutting off their frivolous argument.

-There's five seals hiding behind that damn wall. Breaking the wall rattled them for a moment but it did not break them. I do know how to break them but it's a process that must be done in order and the first one is impossible to break.

-Of fucking course Naomi would put seals in someone's mind.- Said Dean with a blank stare. He was beginning to ponder if Naomi was a demon rather than an angel.

-How come it's impossible? What does it need in order to break?- Asks Sam refusing to give up so quickly.

-Each seal needs specific spells in order to break and the first one of course needs the other archangels present and last time I checked three of them are dead and another two are locked up in the cage.

-Hold it. Tell me again how is it that you know how to break these seals?- Asked Dean suddenly suspicious. Gabriel frowned.

-Well considering what happened to Lucifer with the Mark Pops wanted to make sure that if something was to happen to change Cassiel that bad there would be a contingency plan. Five seals; one for his true form, one for his soul, one for his link with Heaven, another one for his link with Saturn, another one for his grace and another one for his memories. It's a pain in the ass but when you can obliterate the universe with a snap of your fingers measurements must be taken.

-Fair point.

-Why also seal his true form? Won't missing a soul make things worse? What about his link with Saturn? What does another planet has to do with it?- Ponders Charlie trying to find the reasoning behind each seal.

-After Azrael and Lucifer Cassiel has one of the most overhelming forms to stare upon which means demons and angels wouldn't dare to go against him if he was to turn to the dark side. A soul makes us twice as stronger. Saturn? Cassiel being the ruling angel of that planet and its creator come for nothing. There's thousand of spirits connected to that planet that answer to him and him only. His personal army you may say. Those spirits take no shits and will decimate without hesitation whatever Cassie asks them to.

-You are meaning to tell me there are ghosts in Saturn?- Asks Dean in hopes to ignore the fact that Cas could had kicked their asses during Naomi's mind control and no one would had ever seen it coming.

-Well. I wouldn't call them ghosts but close. Don't faint Dean-o those little bastards had been sleeping since Cassie's link with Saturn was severed and won't wake up unless the seal is broken.

-That doesn't make it better.

-You said before we need Cas to remember before he gets out of control but we can't do it without the archangels. How are we sure that it's their specific presence the spell needs and not something from them?- Asks Sam fighting to push back the anxious feelings he was getting from how wrong a lot of things were.

The more he heard about Cas the more wrong it felt to have him here locked and ignorant of what he was.

-The spell is complicated. It needs the power of the archangels in order to work.

-So it needs their power not them.

Gabriel hadn't thought it like that which was a bit stupid to be honest.

If the spell needed their power it wouldn't be as hard if he-

But that was dangerous in their current situation.

He couldn't risk that.

It was a miracle Naomi hadn't carved that information out of the archangels though it wouldn't be a surprise considering no one knew about it but the archangels themselves.

Still....

It was too much of a risk.

But at this point risks were what could either be their salvation or their damnation.

-How safe is this place?

Gabriel's question got raised eyebrows.

-Very. Why?- Asks Sam noticing the sudden change in the archangel's behavior. He looked tense and like he was regretting whatever he was thinking.

-There is a place that wields the power of the archangels as a whole which I could channel towards the spell and him but... using that power would break the lock and therefore what hides behind that gate will be exposed and up for grabs.

-What gate are we talking about here?- Asks Dean refusing to see hope so soon when a gate was involved.

-The gate to the Seventh Heaven.

-Isn't that Cassiel's place?- Frowned Charlie as she remembered what the book had said.

-Yes. That's where the actual throne of God resides along with the archangels' weapons that God Himself crafted. Pops sealed the gates centuries ago after Cassiel's... incident with the place. 

-Incident?

-None of your business.

-Wait. I thought Balthazar had raided that place? He gave the key to Cas.- Said Dean as he remembered things he wished to not remember.

Like Cas torturing that kid.

-No. That's the vault of the heavenly weapons. The archangels' weapons were too dangerous to put in the vault and considering the Seventh Heaven would be sealed what better place to hide the weapons than there? He sealed it using part of our grace so as to avoid possible threats. If the gate is opened the weapons will be left up for grabs and believe me when I tell you you don't want those things running around in the wrong hands.

-You want to bring them here if we use the power from that place.- Realizes Sam to which the archangel nods.

-From a scale of 1 to 10 how dangerous are these weapons?- Asked Dean because the idea of something being worse than the weapons he had seen in action was both skin crawling and disturbing.

-On a scale were worldwide scale destruction is their main use.

-How come Naomi nor Metatron has gotten their hands on those things?

-Archangel knowledge. Even if Michael and the others were their lap dogs it was engraved into our minds that unless asked we are not meant to provide the information about their location. No one knows about those weapons which means no one will ever ask.

-Isn't there another option?- Asked Sam not sure if it was a good idea to risk the exposure of those weapons.

-I'm afraid not. Even if there was another place the spell also requires for it to be casted while he bleeds in his domain and while Saturn could work there's still the issue with the archangels' powers. So our best bet is the gate of the Seventh Heaven.

-Make him bleed?- Repeated Dean in alarm. 

-He needs to bleed so as to trigger the spell. Someone will also have to carve certain sigils on his true form with an angel blade which will not be me because I don't feel like getting a guilt trip. 

-You said nothing about carving on him! 

-I did. Right now I believe what are you deaf? When the seal was created in re-shaping and downgrading him it also locked his actual blade. Break the seal without those carvings and the blade will materialize inside him and therefore kill him.

-Mate- Dude the hell is it with that friggin' seal?

-Contingency plans must be tricky in case someone tries to ruin them.

Well he had a point there but still....

-What about the other seals?

-Second one is for his soul. It was ripped out so I'm not sure how that will work and considering his vessel no longer has the soul of its owner.... I'm not sure that one can be broken.

-What does Jimmy's soul has to do with it?- Asks Dean with a confused frown definitely not expecting the man to be mentioned.

-You do know vessels have a signature on their souls right?

At the brothers nod Gabriel proceeded.

-Well in order for the spell to break the soul inside him would have to reach out to the signature of grace in them which I have never seen anyone do and use it to pull his soul free. But his soul is missing and the soul from his vessel is gone.

-Can two people share the signature? Like... Is it hereditary?- Dean's question got Sam throwing him a look of disbelief. Dean couldn't mean....

He couldn't mean her .

-Well it's in their blood and it imprints in the souls that that blood decides to procreate so I guess it's possible.

-So Jimmy's daughter could do it?

-I guess but like I said Cassiel has no soul to pull and no human has ever been able to reach out to the signature of grace in their souls.

-She's stubborn. If someone can pull off something like that I bet it would be her.- Said Dean matter of fact. Last time Claire had seem less like she wanted Cas to forget about her existence and even so Dean was sure she wouldn't hesitate to help avoid Heaven's collapse.

No one in their right mind would considering their lives depended on avoiding that kind of catastrophe. 

-What about the third one?- Asked Charlie. These seals sounded like mission impossible challenges.

-Oh that one? Dean-o here can break it without breaking a sweat.

-I'm sorry come again?- Said Dean definitely caught off guard with the sudden words.

-Only a righteous soul and only a righteous soul shall be gifted the ability to touch the third seal without having its soul and mind condemned to eternal torture and madness. Only a righteous soul and only a righteous soul shall be the one worthy enough to withstand coming into contact with the direct link between Heaven and angels. Only a righteous soul shall be the one able to read the spell meant to break the seal.- Said Gabriel with a mocking tone as he repeated his Father's words.

-Righteous soul?- Dean felt like over a thousand things were wrong with that title being thrown at him.

-Oh you poor idiot.- Said Gabriel with a grin as he threw an exaggerated pitying look at Dean.- You poor poor absolute idiot.

-I'm gonna stab you.

-Kinky.

-How is Dean a righteous soul?- Asked Charlie not doubting that but also not understanding the concept.

Gabriel hummed as his gaze fixated like a hawk on the hunter in question and it was so intense Dean found himself growing uncomfortable.

-Dean Winchester's soul has dark traces embedded into it from its time in hell and still it shines with an overhelming purity that threatens to resemble the angel of purification. A primal instinct to protect and help resonates off it like a permanent wave. A righteous soul.

Dean felt for some reason naked. As if Gabriel had stripped him down and exposed him to the world in a whole ass new level of vulnerability.

Sam and Charlie looked transfixed at Dean while Gabriel leaned back on his chair with his beloved bag of M&Ms.

-You can read his soul?

-I'm archangel. It's in our nature to be able to see and read souls. Angels in general view it like that too. No big deal.

-How am I suppose to break it? What the hell is even the link between Heaven and angels?

-The basketball hula hoop.- Deadpanned Gabriel with a mouthful of M&Ms.

-The what?

-The halo Dean-o. You don't think Pops woke up one morning and said "floating rings on the head would look dope" right?

-Angels have actual halos?- Asked Sam caught off guard with that knowledge.

-Well it's not golden and it's not as stupid looking as humans picture them to be but sure. Floating hula hoop. Unless it's Cassie. Naomi seemed to think it would be hilarious to tamper with that seal and put the halo around his neck as if he is some kind of dog.

And at first Gabriel had found it odd to see an angel with the halo around their neck but then he had figured out that he must had pissed Naomi on a whole ass new level to be given that kind of punishment.

That until he found out who Castiel was.

-Around his....- Sam felt sick.

For a long time he had believed angels to be real.

Angels who were suppose to be righteous and amazing.

But now it felt like with each thing he learned his views of them got more and more tainted as if that was possible at this point.

The idea of Cas walking around with something remotely similar to a dog collar felt wrong in so many ways. It made him feel disgusted.

How could Naomi and Metatron be angels when something so corrupted was done?

-How am I suppose to break it?- Asks Dean fighting to swallow past the lump in his throat at the idea of his friend almost brother having been wandering around with something that humiliating for that feathered bitch's amusement.

-Like I said. You are meant to read the spell branded in the halo which can only be seen by you. But you can't break it until the first two are broken.

-We will break them.- Sentenced Sam matter of fact.

Gabriel hummed but part of him didn't doubt the Winchester's words. At this point he had learnt to bet on these two who despite bringing chaos to the world never failed to fix things back.

-What about the other two?- Asked Charlie.

-The fourth one is gonna be a mess. There's this spirit called Yekahel who presides over Saturn. He guards the fourth seal. Summon him and he will break the seal which severed the link between Cassiel and Saturn and therefore sent his army of spirits to sleep.

-What's the catch?- Asked Dean narrowing his eyes at how simple Gabriel made it out. Something was missing.

-Yekahel can only be summoned through solomonic magic.

At their blank stares Gabriel sighed.

-Solomonic magic is one of the oldest magics. The  original grimoire was burned along with its similar texts by the early Church due connecting it with paganism. Witches know little to none about it. Lucky for you I hid a copy somewhere in Egypt.

-And lucky for you we got the perfect witch for the job.- Added Dean with a smirk that got Gabriel raising an eyebrow in both curiosity and amusement.

-What about the fifth?- Asked Sam which got him an odd smirk in return from the archangel.

-You will break it.

-Me?

-Yes. His grace is spellbound. As far as I know the spell to break it requires three ingredients. Three of which one is the blood of someone whose....- Gabriel made a motion with his hand as if searching for the right words.

-It's because Lucifer possessed me or is it the demon blood?- Asked Sam with his face neutral. Gabriel gave him an odd look.

-No. That's not it. I'm too tired to find the right word so "damaged" is a blunt form to put it. Before you jump into a personal quest of depression let me elaborate. Your soul is flayed to a point where it's absolutely amazing how it still holds together. Your body suffered an incredible internal damage which was stitched back with grace. You are so damaged you no longer are able to host an angel. Not even Lucifer.

Sam should had found that comforting.

The fact that he was no longer in the angel menu to be used as a meatsuit.

But there was something about that of being damaged to that kind of level that made him feel.... weird.

-Okay. What about the other two ingredients?- Asks Dean hoping to change the topic before Sam could go down the lane of depression.

-Her blood.- Pointed Gabriel to Charlie who frowned in return.

-I'm not virgin.- Charlie felt the sudden need to tell in case that was the vibe she gave to the archangel for this one to chose her blood.

-Neither am I. It's not virgin blood what the spell needs. But these two have been in hell and their blood is no longer pure and therefore useless. Your blood on the other hand is clean.

Sam and Dean for some reason felt offended at that choice of words.

-The third one, I don't think that one's gonna be an issue considering she's hiding it.- Deadpanned Gabriel with a handful of M&Ms.

-I'm hiding it?- Asked Charlie sounding as confused as the brothers felt.

-Archangel feather. You are hiding one of mine.- Told Gabriel. And his smile no matter how playful it was the dangerous edge in his voice was enough to make their skin crawl.

-I wasn't hiding it and I swear I wasn't planning to do anything with it but the color was so stupidly beautiful and- is it bad angel etiquette to keep feathers? I'm so sorry but it's not like there are books for angel etiquette.- Charlie was babbling now as she pulled the feather out and held it out begging to not have acquired a VIP ticket to Hell for this.

How did he even knew she had it?

-You wanted it because it's pretty.....?- Gabriel looked like he had never once in his life thought about the color of his own wings and that for the first time in his long long life was he made aware of something he didn't knew was there.

-Dude. It's striking.

-Oh. You can keep it then... I guess...

Dean never thought he would live long enough to see Gabriel so awkward.

-It's not weird is it? Nor like a magnet who will bring murderous angels towards me right?- Charlie didn't want to go through the same she was going with the book of the damned.

-If you are asking if it's sexy related don't worry, it's not. And for the other part no. Angels won't be able to detect it like some kind of celestial beacon. I have a cloaking spell therefore no one can find me.

-Great. Good.

-A cloaking spell?- That picked Sam's interest. If a cloaking spell could hide an archangel who said it wouldn't be able to hide God Himself?

-Yeah. After Lucifer "killed" me I had to go into hiding so I found this guy who claimed to have all sorts of magical artefacts and gave him a vial with some of my grace in exchange for the cloaking spell.

-You gave archangel grace to some random dude?

-Well it's mine and I did need the spell.- Told Gabriel as if Dean was stupid. Before the hunter could retort the lights flickered and Gabriel straightened in his seat.

-You said he was fine.- Accused Dean as he left his chair not sure if he should go near Cas considering the Michael issue.

And man if it didn't irk him to not be able to help his friend due his brother's bullshit.

Or Naomi's and Metatron's to be more precise.

-I never said he was fine.- Snapped Gabriel as he left his chair and walked past Dean holding his arm out to stop him from following.- No. You are gonna freak him out. Let Sam be the one to tail behind me if you want to stick your nose that much. Less chances of him fleeing or freaking out.

Dean had to bite his tongue in order to not shout at the archangel.

Sam gave his brother an apologetic half reassuring look before following after Gabriel.

The lights across the corridor were flickering and as both of them got to Cas' room it was to hear a pained cry. Gabriel slammed the door open but held his arm out to stop Sam the second he saw Cass sitting at the edge of the bed curled in on himself and grabbing his head.

He could see it.

Feel them like whispers crawling up his entire being.

It punched the breath out of him and made his heart skip a beat.

-Gabriel?- Called Sam to the frozen archangel as this one did nothing to approach Cas who was obviously in pain

-You were right.

-What?

-He is alive.

Sam didn't need to be a genius to know who was Gabriel talking about and those single words were enough to close his throat.

-Why is He hurting Cas?

-That's not it. He is using the entire power of His voice and even so that's filtering like broken frequencies through whatever the hell is keeping him shut out from us. God's voice kinda has the same effect on angels as our voices do to humans if not controlled. That's why Cassiel's in pain.

And then Cas' form went lax and Gabriel was infront of him in less than a second to stop him from stumbling to the ground. Hands cupping his face.

-Cass? Cass hey, it's okay.

-Is he okay?

-Of course he is.- Snapped Gabriel. Cass' eyes were glazed and he was too much like a rag doll, of friggin' course he wasn't okay. He couldn't even read his mind because all he saw was distorted.

And then Cassiel said the most random words.

-There's pink in Heaven .

-What?

Cassiel fainted.

Chapter Text

When Castiel woke up his room was dark and the bunker was silent and as he sat up he found Gabriel fast asleep at his side.

Right.

Gabriel was alive.

And in the bunker.

He could feel their grace interlocked.

It was odd.

Even more so because Gabriel hadn't seemed to dislike it. 

He still had issues grasping that but feeling their connection there and unharmed was soothing for some weird reason.

Something about it felt familiar.

So familiar and soothing.

Ah.

So much was still hiding behind a fog.

But he had a grasp of blurred memories.

Both good and bad.

He got up from the bed as quiet as possible before leaving the room. Walking across the corridor with a lump in his throat and a tight chest. The feeling of emptiness in his chest felt heavier than he ever thought possible and it was almost suffocating.

Pink.

There was something important about pink.

And that voice...

Wasn't that Father?

Ugh.

He climbed up the stairs with strained breathing and unlocked the door. Pushing it open and stepping out with a sharp intake of breath, he closed the door behind him and took a few steps before collapsing on his knees as the weight of the world became too much to bear. 

Father this was too hard.

He hung his head as he took in a shuddering breath that did nothing for his aching chest. Vision blurring as his shoulders began shaking. The cold breeze of the morning doing nothing to cool down the burning in his throat.

Father.

What did he do? What happened?

Michael.

Lucifer.

Raphael.

Uriel.

Gabriel.

Azrael.

Gadreel.

Balthazar.

Samandriel.

How could he leave them all on their own? Hurt them. Kill them. Not save them. How could he?

Castiel couldn't remember much but something was clear.

He should had protected them.

He should had saved them.

Not because they were important due something but important to him.

He didn't knew why but he didn't care.

They were important to him and he failed them.

And there was something about pink that wouldn't stop bothering him.

And oh Father it felt as if his grace was burning. Flowing through his veins like an unforgiving river of holy fire that seized his chest with so much pain he gasped. He threw his head back to look at the sky and took in a shuddering breath. It took him a while but the burning decreased....

The pressure didn't subside though.

And he was left with an even more hollow feeling carved into his core. He wasn't sure for how long he stared at the swirling threads of magic spread all over the perimeter of the bunker nor the soft humming of wardings but he was brought out of his mind due the sound of footsteps.

-Cas?

Turning his head Castiel was met with the sight of a half surprised half concerned Sam who was holding a plastic bag and still he had no strength at all to get up or pull up a facade. He felt too numb to do so.

Emptiness was becoming a familiar feeling he noticed.

-Cas are you okay? What happened?- Asked Sam concerned as he noticed the empty look in his friend's face.

And when he didn't answer Sam kneeled infront of him and placed the bag down.

-Cas? Hey, what's wrong?

All he got for an answer was the archangel leaning forward and pressing his forehead against his chest. Sam's hand rested on his shoulder out of reflex. Not sure if Cas was either seeing him or Lucifer.

-Cas?

-You are a good friend Sam.

Those words caught Sam off guard and he wasn't even sure what to do with those words at all.

-Thanks? You are also a good friend Cas.- Sam wasn't even sure how was he suppose to answer nor was he sure what to do when Cas said his next words.

-You are kind, always seeing the best in people even when they don't see it themselves, always one to forgive even when others won't, always helping those who would otherwise be overlooked. Your soul is so cracked and still it bleeds empathy like a never-ending river of bright warmness.

Each word felt like a squeeze to Sam's heart and he had the sudden feeling that something more was looming behind wherever this was coming from. It made his chest hurt for some reason.

-Cas what's wrong?- Asked Sam squeezing the angel's shoulders. 

And the honest concern in his voice was what finished setting Castiel's chest ablaze. A warmness that spread up and spilled out in the form of burning tears as the pressure in his chest became too overhelming to bear.

It was too much. Too much. 

Because he could hear Lucifer and Michael's screams as the cage rattled with their endless struggles to break out. He could smell the sizzling grace left in the air after he explode Raphael. He could feel the ripples in the air after Anna killed Uriel. He could hear Samandriel's screams echoing down the halls and see his bloodied face. Feel the resonance of Balthazar's grace as Castiel stabbed right through him. Feel the desperation to be acknowledged in Gadreel's last words.

It was too much.

It felt like he was drowning. Suffocating under the pressure of the universe itself. Pain. Guilt. Blame. Confusion. Frustration. Loneliness. Anger.

How was he expected to ignore this?

It hurt and it wouldn't stop hurting no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.

And the arms around him did nothing but strenghten the searing pain in his chest and the tears that no matter what wouldn't stop coming. Why wouldn't they stop coming?

-It will be okay, I promise.

Those words...

He lost all control he ever had over this vessel as he drowned in nothing but pain and desolation.

Nothing would ever be okay.

Nothing at all.

Because he killed them.

He killed them all and aided in the destruction of Heaven.

Father what did he do?

What he didn't do?

Of all things.... this was the one he shouldn't had allowed no matter what.

But he failed.

He failed Heaven and he failed those he was meant to protect.

He failed.

And he wasn't sure for how long he cried there like a lost child nor for how long he held onto the hunter even after the tears dried off.

All he knew is that he was left feeling twice as hollow and twice as miserable.

Because Father was lost and Heaven was falling.

And Castiel couldn't do a single thing to fix it.

He couldn't fix this.

Not this time.

~

-Cas what's wrong?

Of all things expected Sam never thought that such simple question would get a sob out of the archangel. That single sound that grabbed Sam's heart and tore it out without mercy.

Gabriel hadn't said something like this could happen.

But he did said the fall of the wall had rattled the seals.

Which meant memories could have leaked out.

Sam wasn't sure which ones could leak out but considering what had been going on with the angels these past years.....

If it had left Sam having an existential crisis and throwing up in the bathroom in the solitude of his room.

It didn't matter which ones were it would eat Cas alive.

And each sound that came out of the archangel felt like a stab to Sam's heart and all he could do was hug him and hope for that to be enough to sooth his pain.

A pain too deep and raw that part of Sam had the feeling no one had the ability to sooth let alone fix.

He could feel the lump in his throat. Could feel his own tears beginning to prickle at the corner of his eyes.

-It will be okay, I promise.

Those words did nothing at all to calm him down.

If all it was as if a switch had been turned.

Whimpers that seared into Sam's soul. Sobs that strangled his heart.

There was so much pain in those single sounds. Such a suffocating anguish.

And Sam found himself hugging Cas closer and rubbing soft circles around his back in what he hoped could bring him some comfort.

He wasn't sure for how long he kneeled on the ground holding the broken archangel nor how long it was after Cas had calmed down but he never let go.

Not once.

He couldn't have let go even if he had wanted.

Not when it felt like letting go of him would break him.

~

Castiel had taken it to sit at the top of the bunker after his.... undignified moment of weakness that Sam was part of.

And the worst part was that the hunter hadn't seem to mind at all the fact that Castiel wouldn't stop hugging him for a while after his previous breakdown.

He had stayed there with him.

Hadn't tried to demand for explanations but instead offered to make him some tea.

It had been nice and warm and comforting.

But it didn't got rid of the hole in his chest.

So he ended up getting out of reach.

Because he couldn't understand a lot of things right now and it was driving him mad. Even more so because he couldn't for the life of him stop thinking about them .

His mind wouldn't stop spitting to the front of his thoughts voices after voices. Words after words.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to kill something!"

"Hey bro. How's the search for Daddy going?"

"Castiel, right?"

" ̸C̸a̸s̸t̸i̸e̸l̸ r̸u̸n̸.̸"̸

"Angels were made to follow orders."

"You will always have little old me."

"F̷i̷n̷d̷ h̷e̷r̷.̷"

"They are controlling us Castiel."

"Perhaps I will be known as one of the men who gave Heaven a second chance."

"Castiel!"

Castiel flinched and recoiled when Lucifer's shout slammed into his head. The ravenous screams of a beast that thirsted for blood and revenge echoing across the cage. The searing cold that pierced his grace before heat obliterated it and made him curl around the man he had gone to fetch.

Pain.

Lucifer was furious.

Attempting to claw at him and rip him to shreds.

Michael's burning flames branding his being with agonizing fire.

Grace burning as he flew off. Holding onto the human he had gone for to either ground himself or sooth the unconcious person he wasn't sure.

The screams echoing across Hell. Shouting his name and promising torture and death.

Wrong .

-Moping on roofs? Yeah I do that too.

Gabriel's sudden voice along with his presence almost made Castiel smack him with his wing out of reflex but held himself back.

The last thing he wanted was to piss the archangel off.

And he still couldn't understand how did Gabriel ended up here.

Why was he still here.

-You said before that once the wall was down I would understand... But I still don't understand. I don't understand anything .- Said Castiel as he turned to look at the archangel at his side who was staring at the horizon with a pensive look plastered on his face.

-I think it's fair to tell you considering what's coming.- Sighed Gabriel as he turned to look at him. His words got Castiel frowning.

-What's coming?

-Metatron and Naomi are gonna make Heaven collapse.- Castiel stiffened at those names.

-You are wrong. Metatron is human and weak and Naomi is dead. Even so despite all I know Naomi would never put Heaven at risk.

-Cass. You should know at this point what that woman is capable of. After what she did. What she made you do. She doesn't care about Heaven nor anyone at all. All she cares is about control and power.

-No-

-Cassiel.- Cut off Gabriel. The sole name making Castiel stiffen for some reason as shivers ran down his spine.

-What?

-Your name is not Castiel. You are not a Seraph nor even a regular angel. You never wondered how come humans despite their extense knowledge about our names had nothing about an angel called 'Castiel'? That's because that angel doesn't exist. Your name is Cassiel. You are an archangel .

Those last words punched the air out of Castiel as he took a step back out of reflex.

He wanted to call Gabriel a liar.

He was a trickster after all. Lies were his strength.

But he couldn't see it.

He couldn't find lies in his gaze.

Gabriel wasn't lying.

But it couldn't be. It just couldn't be.

There's pink in Heaven.

-There were seven archangels in total. You were the last one made in order to guard us. That's why you want the archangels with you. But you can't let that control you. Right now Lucifer is not himself. None of them are and if you succumb to those feelings you are both gonna end up hurt. A lot of people are gonna end up hurt.

-No. Those are lies. There's four archangels not seven. Naomi is dead. Whatever I'm feeling is wrong. It's a trick of the wall.

-It's not.- Snapped Gabriel.

-Yes it's. I don't know what you told the Winchesters but I'm not gonna let you manipulate them into whatever this is.

In retrospective Gabriel should had seen this coming and thinking better of it he should had been a bit more sensitive considering he was telling Cass that all he had ever known was a lie.

Even his name.

And now he was panicking.

Gabriel wasn't sure what that could cause but hearing Cassiel so sure that the truth was a lie... A trick .

It made him act out of instinct.

He grabbed Cass before this one could flee and before he had time to block it Gabriel pressed two fingers at each side of his head and sent a pulse of memories.

Castiel flinched under the searing flashes that rolled around his mind.

Pink feathers dragged across the sand as soft humming carried across the sea.

Raphael's stern stare hovered over him with hidden amusement.

Michael was carrying him in one of his arms and Samandriel on the other looking as righteously murderous as only he could look as he approached Gabriel.

Lucifer was holding him against his chest as he flew down a cliff.

Castiel and Balthazar were being dragged across the floor by an annoyed looking Uriel.

Gadreel was sitting under a tree of the Eden with Castiel asleep on his lap.

Castiel flinched back from Gabriel with a strangled noise.

-No. No. No .

Horror didn't even begin to describe what Castiel was feeling right now.

Because he wasn't going insane. Or was he?

He saw them.

And now there was nothing he could do or tell himself in order to ignore it.

It was true. All of it.

He killed them. He hurt them.

"They are controlling us Castiel."

Samandriel had known. Father he had known and he had wanted nothing more but for Castiel to snap out of it. He had thought he was saved all for him to kill him.

The pain in his eyes.

The desperation in his voice.

"We are brothers of course I will help you."

Balthazar had known.

That's why he faked his death.

That's why he kept coming to him rather than hide again.

"Move to the other side of your cell Castiel. And keep your head down."

Gadreel was good .

"Castiel did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?"

All of them were good.

It was too much to take.

"You have never done what you were told. Not completely."

"You came out with a crack in your chassis."

"Frankly? Too damn many."

"There's blood everywhere. And it's in your hands."

-I killed them.

-You did not. Naomi was the one who did it.

-Balthazar and Raphael-

-Balthazar... You were under the influence of corrupted souls. You wouldn't have hurt him on purpose and he knew that. It's not your fault. And Raphael was getting out of hand... It had to be done.

It made Gabriel sick to even think about it.

Raphael could had been a dick but that dick had been his brother and Gabriel loved all of his brothers and sisters no matter how much of a bag of dicks they could be.

But he also knew that Raphael wouldn't had wanted to be part of the destruction of Earth. He would had wanted to be stopped before things took a turn for the worse.

Sometimes the ends justified the means.

Even if that meant losing people you loved.

~

Sam and Dean had taken it to search oddities about the location of the Seventh Heaven's gate. Gabriel had told them where was it with some reluctance but with how things were the archangel had seemed to give up.

And it was the last expected place ever.

Oregon. 

The Crater Lake National Park.

-Well the place does look like an angelical place.- Deadpans Dean as he hovers over Sam's shoulder to stare at the picture. The water of the lake was so clear it was amazing and don't even get him started on the stupid view of the forest surrounding it.

Dean had to admit it was gorgeous. 

-There's a legend about it.- Said Sam curious as he clicked on the link.- 7,700 years ago a brutal battle between two spirits triggered the eruption and therefore collapse of Mount Mazama. They made the earth tremble and caused great landslides of fire during their ferocious battle. Bringing death and destruction in their wake. 

-Of course they did.- Muttered Dean under his breath, tone dry at the fact that monsters never seemed to cease with their bullshit.

-At the end the spirit from the world above sealed the one from the world below sacrificing two righteous men to do so.

That caught Dean's attention.

-Above and below? Like Heaven and Hell? A fight between an angel and demon?- Theorized Dean. Though a fight that magnitude sounded like more than their usual share of angels and demons.

And suddenly all he could think about were Gabriel's words.

"Pops sealed the gates centuries ago after Cassiel's incident with the place."

Sam for his side had begun thinking about that too.

Cas had once said that a fight between archangels would cause immense destruction.

This had been Cas' place.

Cas was an archangel.

Incident .

-I guess.- Sam had to clear his throat in order to speak. He had a bad feeling about this.- People referred to one of them as a 'sky spirit' so I guess it was an angel. It says here that after the sky spirit realized what the battle had caused to humanity it wept and wept. Bringing torrents of rain upon Earth as it did so.

A heavy silence settled in the library.

Was this what Gabriel had meant with incident?

But it made no sense how could a demon drive an archangel to such destruction during a fight?

Something was missing here.

-As the crater filled and became one of the deepest lakes in the world it hid from mankind and dark entities alike what had brought the battle in the first place. Turning it into an unreachable place for humans and non-human creatures alike.

-The gate of the seventh heaven?

-Yes. The gate was locked right after the lake was formed. The lake in general became a sacred place for it held such a holy aura some people that looked upon it would actually burn. It made people believe that the spirit purified the lake and the ground surrounding it so that no tainted being would be able to approach the lake without burning from the inside out.

-Holy water.

-Jesus!

-Gabriel actually.

Dean half glared at the archangel. Man was it disturbing when other angels gave their best to remind Dean that angels were all related.

-That lake is made of the holiest water. It keeps everything that is not human or angel away.

-The holiest?

-Well God Himself blessed that lake and adding the fact that there's a gate to Heaven hiding beneath the water I would say that that's the holiest water on the planet.

-Is this true then?- Asked Sam turning the screen to Gabriel and with a lump in his throat.

-Most of it.

Gabriel didn't felt comfortable with that legend.

Nor even the memories of that night.

It still haunted him the echo of those cries.

-How could a demon drive an archangel to this kind of destruction?- Asked Dean to which Gabriel gave him a long long look that seemed to be more uncertain than neutral.

-It was not a common demon. His name was Mammon and he was the fifth Prince of Hell who shared power with Alastair and Lilith themselves. A demon of greed whose greed drove him to attempt stealing the archangels' weapons. Cassiel had no vessel at the time which meant he couldn't fight without risking a massive scale of damage against Earth. He still did. And he killed Mammon...

-But at the cost of thousands of lives.- It wasn't an accusation but a statement of fact.

Gabriel nodded.

-It devastated him to see the damage he had caused. At the end Pops chose to resurrect them all and seal the gates.- Gabriel remembers the aftermath of that.

Cassiel didn't come back to Earth for months and took it to almost blend with Saturn's rings. Wouldn't talk not even to Father or Samandriel.

And at the end the one who had pulled him out of that state had been none other than Raphael.

He wasn't sure what Raphael had told him but it had returned the life to Cass' eyes. 

-How is he?- Asked Dean needing to push out of his mind the amount of guilt and grief Cas must had felt at the moment. How hurt must he had been for God Himself to come down and seal the gates and take him back to Heaven.

-He will survive.

-You told him about the seals?- Asked Sam.

-Of course I did. He said he would do it.

-He did?- Neither of the brothers had thought that Cas would agree to it so fast. It was almost cruel how much was being thrown at the archangel without time for him to process a single thing.

-Yes. Like Lucifer used to say. A pissed Cass is a Cass who is planning murder. Murder may not be an option but it's a question and the answer sure as hell is yes.

Sam resisted the urge to face palm at those words while Dean found himself snickering.

For all he cared Cas could go on a killing spree against Naomi and Metatron.

Those bastards deserved what was coming for them.

Chapter Text

The Winchesters had chose to go to the lake during no visitors hours which meant.

3:00 am.

No risks of being seen.

The walk across the woods was as silent as death. Gabriel hadn't teleported them straight to the lake because the car had had to come due the fact that once the spell was finished Gabriel wouldn't be able to teleport them back to the bunker.

He would need to act fast once the gate was open and he couldn't waste time. He had to grab the weapons and take them back to the bunker and cast the right cloaking spells for more protection. Just in case.

None of them could nor wanted to risk the weapons being sensed.

So it was up to the brothers to take Cas back to the bunker in the car.

Still.

Neither of the hunters could have ever expected for the lake to look how it did.

The skies were filled with thousands of stars and the arms of the Milky Way could be seen which seemed to reflect upon the lake with an ethereal vibe. The soft cool breeze rustling the leaves of the trees.

And the lake itself was massive. Those pictures had done no justice to how big it was. Crystalline water that seemed to almost glow with the reflection of the starred skies above.

It was a breathtaking sight with a beauty that knew no rivals.

-You good?- Asked Dean as he stood at Cas' side.

-It feels weird.- Mutters Castiel under his breath as he stares at the massive lake infront of him. 

He could feel it.

The hum of power from the archangels.

But there was something else....

He wasn't sure what it was but it made his chest grow tight and he took a step back out of reflex. Wings shuffling behind him.

He shouldn't be here.

-Let's begin. You carve on him I'm gonna go brand the lake.- Gabriel's voice pulled him out of his mind faster than he expected.

Right.

He had to remember the reason he was here.

It made no sense to him but he trusted Gabriel.

More than his rational part saw right.

-Cas?

-Let's get this over with.- He muttered as Gabriel disappeared off to go brand the lake (whatever that meant). He didn't felt that eager to get carved on with an angel blade less much allow the marks Gabriel had drawn on a piece of paper to be the ones carved into his true form.

But he wasn't about to back off now.

If doing this meant being a step closer to get the archangels back then he would do it.

Still.

Taking his trench coat off along with the suit jacket and the tie was easier than taking his shirt off. The expectation of pain making him stagger more than he was willing to admit.

And yet he offered his arms to the brothers without hesitation.

Even as he saw them holding an angel blade each.

He didn't even flinch when the carving began but he did focus his gaze on the lake so as to avoid looking at how his true form was modified with unnerving markings. As if the scars on his arms weren't enough.

Meanwhile Sam and Dean were having a bit of a sick moment where their stomach twisted at the sight of the humming blueish light that peeked through the cuts as they sliced through Cas' arms as if he was some kind of steak.

And the angel was as stiff as a statue and staring at the lake with the stance of a soldier refusing to break.

He didn't react at all to the carving from his wrists to his forearms nor his biceps and his shoulders but he did flinch and the air around them picked up dust as his eyes flashed white when Sam's blade reached his back.

-You alright?- Asked Sam knowing full well that Cas had all the reason to react negatively to an angel blade being anywhere near his back.

-I'm fine.- Snapped out the angel as he took a deep breath and curled his fingers.- I trust you.- He added though Castiel wasn't sure if it was to comfort Sam or himself.

Despite the fact that the carving on his back was across his spine Sam focused on it with a precision he never thought himself able to possess. 

But to be fair the idea of accidentally crippling an archangel, Cas , was a great motivator to be careful.

Meanwhile Dean carved on his chest and abdomen. Ignoring the swirls of nausea that were assaulting him at the fact that he was once again hurting Cas. He had to remind himself over and over again that this was for Cas' own good. That Cas had given permission for this to happen.

He wasn't hurting him on purpose.

He could stop if he wanted.

He wasn't finding it pleasing to hurt him.

It was fine.

-Done.- Announced Gabriel as he reappeared there with his gaze on the lake rather than on what was being done to his brother.

-We are done too.- Told Dean releasing a breath he didn't knew he was holding as he stepped back. Cas looked tense and there was pain edging on his features but other than that he looked fine.- You good?- Asked Dean. He knew Cas was anxious and to be fair he got it. Having to do something without knowing what that would do along with the fact that someone Cas wasn't even sure if to trust was enough to drive someone anxious.

Castiel though just nodded before turning to look at Gabriel.

-What do I need to do? 

-Walk. You will know when to stop.- Told Gabriel matter of fact as he grabbed Cassiel's shoulders and turned him to the exact direction he had to walk through. He then materialized a knife that he pushed into his hand.- You also gotta bleed when you stop walking. When the blood comes into contact with the water the sigils will activate. Then I will proceed to recite you a poem.

-A poem?

-The spell Cas the spell.- Deadpans Dean.

-Right. Now go.- Ushered Gabriel making a shooing motion with his hand for more emphasis.

-But how is he suppose to "walk"? That's water.- Said Sam as he watched Cas turn around and approach the lake.

-We can walk on water if we want. Pull a Jesus if you must.

Okay. That actually sounded cool.

And true to Gabriel's words Castiel was indeed able to walk on water as if it was nothing but solid matter.

Castiel who was feeling anxious with each step he took. The power coming from the lake was overhelming and it made him flex his fingers as a knot settled in his stomach.

He shouldn't be here.

He shook his head at that thought and kept walking. He hadn't been sure what Gabriel had meant when he said he would know when to stop until he felt it.

Such a familiar feeling pulled at him with such strength he almost gave to it before forcing himself to focus on the task at hand. Turning around to face the two hunters and his brother.

-Spill the tea Cassie!

Gabriel's voice echoed across the place and for once Castiel was aware of what his weird words meant.

He looked down at his hand for a moment before pulling out the silver knife Dean had given to him earlier. Slicing his palm open with a swift move. Curling his fingers into a fist and making pressure as he turned his hand. Willing the blood to spill out.

Castiel watched as the first drops fell almost in slow motion.

And the second his blood came into contact with the water it happened.

~

-Oh God.- Choked out Sam the second it happened.

The moment Castiel's blood came into contact with the water the second a thick web spread across the entire lake like an electric whiplash of power that glew a translucent blueish. Litting up in white light the Enochian sigils Gabriel seared onto the ground all around the lake.

And the runes carved into Castiel also lit up to a point where it seemed like rather than carved into his skin they were hovering over it like some kind of ancient mosaic.

-You should sit down and cover those ears.- Warned Gabriel as an afterthought to the brothers before beginning to recite the spell he had learnt by heart centuries ago.

And as a whirlpool began forming right infront of the angel. Growing and growing. Sam and Dean took Gabriel's warning at heart and sat down covering their ears.

Still that didn't stop them from being pushed as a powerful shockwave pulsated from the centre of the lake. The humming crawled under their skin and the power could almost be tasted in the air. A pressure so overhelming it felt as if their brains would collapse.

And then a white light exploded from within the lake with an earsplitting metallic whining pitch that seemed to ripple through the water and ground itself. Bleeding blinding light right through the center of the whirlpool that spread across the water like a wildfire. Litting on blazing light the translucent web.

-The hell?- Cried out Dean as he pressed his hands against his ears even harder in a failed attempt to shield himself from the infernal too familiar sound.

The whirlpool seemed to grow as a wave of strong wind pulsated from the center. Picking up dust and rocks as it hit ashore and sending birds close to the place flying and cawing like crazy.

It made the hunters blink rapidly as more dust picked up.

Another wave of wind, this time stronger, almost sent them on their backs against the ground.

Thunder reverberated above with the might of the end of times. Clouds darkening with an unusual speed. Almost as if the sky itself was angry.

Then the whitest thunderbolt in human history struck down right in the middle of the lake. The sound of it threatening to split their skulls apart as the place filled with awful static that got their hairs standing on end and their hearts skipping a beat.

It was so bright the hunters had to close their eyes.

And just like that it stopped.

Sky clearing and web disappearing.

-Your turn.

That's all Gabriel mouthed to them before disappearing.

It took a moment for the hunters to get up. Ears ringing and bleeding but still alive at least.

The lake looked normal. As if a friggin' lightning didn't just struck down on it.

-Where's Cas?- Asks Sam as he takes on the archangel's absence.

Dean wasn't able to answer. Gaze fixated on where Cas had been seconds ago. This reminded him of the Leviathan issue and that single thought made his stomach twist.

Still.

He forced himself to not dwell on that thought for too long as he took a deep breath.

This was not the same.

Cas was fine.

Gabriel wouldn't lie to them and less much hurt Cas.

Dean had gathered that much in the time the archangel had spent around them.

And if there was one thing he was sure of was that Gabriel could be a trickster at heart and absolute pain in the ass but he would never hurt Cas.

Sam's strained voice broke through his thoughts.

-Dean.

Dean glanced at his brother and found him staring in the distance looking pale. He followed his gaze and felt his heart skip a beat.

Something, someone was on the other side of the lake. Still half dipped into the water.

-Cas.

And so they ran. Rounding the lake with athletic speed and half throwing themselves at Cas to check for a pulse. Did angels even had a pulse?

-Dude he's freezing!- Half shouted Dean the second he pressed two fingers against the archangel's neck.

And it was then that they noticed two things.

Cas was shivering and those sigils that had been carved on his skin were now imprinted all over him like a labyrinth of glowing tattoos. Tattoos that had spread to his face and neck.

-Cas? Cas can you hear me? Castiel?- Calls Sam patting the archangel's cheek. God it was like touching an ice cube how the hell did he got so cold in such little amount of time?

His calls though were answered by a cough that filled the brothers with more relief than such sound should cause. Then the archangel's eyes fluttered open ever so slightly but even then they were able to see it.

Just like the sigils his eyes were glowing. Swirls of energy flowing across the blue orbs like a storm waiting to happen.

-Cas, buddy, you with us?- Asks Dean, concern edging in his voice.

His answer was a mutter in Enochian along with a crackle of electricity that ran through the sigils and across the angel's skin. A few of the sigils seemed to fade into nothingness leaving nothing but untouched skin behind.

Then Castiel's eyes closed.

-We have to warm him up. I don't want to find out if angels can get hypothermia.- Tells Dean and between him and Sam they pull the archangel out of the lake.

Better leave before someone caught up. Gabriel did said it was better to avoid risking angels sensing anomalies.

So with one last look at the lake the brothers left.

~

The ride back to the bunker is silent. Sam being the one in the backseat with the shivering archangel. His back was against the door and he had most of Cas on his lap and against his chest. One arm around his shoulders and another one around his back.

Considering how cold his skin had been and the fact that his clothes were dripping wet the brothers had chose to strip him down to his underwear.

So Cas was now wearing a weird mix of a bunch of clothes; his own dressing shirt, one of Sam's plaid shirts from his duffel bag and both Sam and Dean's jackets.

Plus his trench coat and one of Dean's blue stripped pajama pants from his duffel bag.

A soft blanket Dean liked to hide around for when he slept in the car had been used to wrap Cas like a perfect burrito as Dean had proclaimed. A hideous beanie from one of Dean's lame purchases for Sam on their last hunt had also been placed on the archangel's head.

And while Sam would had fought tooth and nail before over letting his brother put such a stupid thing as a brown beanie with plushy moose antlers on the archangel this time he didn't complain.

But he would make sure to burn that thing when Cas was safe and warm at the bunker.

Cas hadn't been much responsive than he had in the lake though but at least he was no longer shaking as much as he had been and his skin didn't felt like ice had been imprinted into his very core.

Sam's stare was fixated on the sigils that ran across the archangel's face. Even if he didn't knew Enochian he couldn't help but stare at them.

Gabriel had said this one was for Cas' true form and his actual blade.

And Sam knew it was happening. He could feel it.

The power coming from those sigils was strong. Dangerous.

It made Sam's hunter instincts spike up and his arms tighten around the archangel out of reflex.

-How is he doing?- Dean's voice brought Sam back to the present.

-He's doing better. He's not shaking that much anymore and his skin doesn't feel as cold.- Informed Sam as he shifted a bit and tucked the blanket better around the archangel's neck.

-What about the tattoos?

-They are still there.

Dean didn't say anything at that.

The first seal had been broken so there was less to be worried about. Gabriel had said that with each broken seal Cas' memories would start resurfacing.

And Dean wasn't sure how to feel about that one.

Because after all he had heard he had a feeling Cas wouldn't react well to having those memories back. 

Still.

While he hoped Gabriel knew what he was doing he also knew it had to happen. Cas had to get it all back because while it was the fair thing to do a lot of things needed to be avoided or dealt with.

Not for the first time he wondered if God would feel the breaking of the seal. What was even the extent of His powers if He was partially human?

Bringing an archangel back from the death and snapping them out of Lucifer's way and into a plane. Immortality probably. How did He even manage to hide so well from thousands of angels if He wasn't even 100% God?

Dean sighed.

So many things didn't made sense.

Sam for his side was back to staring at the tattoos.

Castiel.

Cassiel.

Archangel.

When he first heard about Castiel he had been so overwhelmed at the knowledge that angels were real. The fact that an angel had been the one to raise his brother from perdition.

For a moment he had thought that maybe , just maybe their lives weren't as awful as he had thought if angels were getting involved.

But then he met them face to face and the excitement and fascination at having two angels so close had been almost too overhelming to deal with.

That until the first words to ever be spoken to him were concerning his demon blood.

Those words had hurt more than he was willing to admit and even more so when he remembered that all that time Heaven had been manipulating them into releasing Lucifer and unleashing the Apocalypse.

The sole idea of angels wanting to end the world had sounded so absurd that for a second he had thought something was indeed wrong with Earth.

But then Castiel rebelled.

And he was there with and for them over and over again.

Sam never expected that someone like him would ever get to call an angel his best friend almost brother.

Cas had been there for them so much and neither Dean or him had ever retaliated with the same.

Because now that Sam thought about it really thought about it he realized how little were either of them there for Cas.

The banishing sigil he had carved on his chest turning him kinda human and leaving him stranded somewhere.

The civil war in Heaven that neither of them cared to think about and instead pushed him to help them.

The Leviathans controlling him.

Leaving him with Meg when he went comatose.

Dean focusing on the angel tablet rather than in the fact that Castiel had been mind controlled.

The fall of the angels.

(Sam to this day still wondered why did Cas decided to leave the bunker when human if he had no clue how to be human or the fact that he would had been so much safer with them.)

So much more was still standing against their little to none support or help towards Cas.

It brought back to Sam that angel's words.

"I think you only call him when you need him."

And wasn't that just sad?

That a random angel had spoke the truth and at the time they had been too blind and self absorbed to see it?

Maybe that's why Cas didn't stay with them when he was human. Maybe he thought neither of them would want to help him or have anything to do with him because he was no longer "useful" for them.

Did Cas even knew that he was not a tool but their friend? Family.

No.

He didn't.

Because Sam and Dean had never told him and Cas seemed to be the kind of person who one would need to tell things straight for him to understand.

With a sigh Sam adjusted the beanie so it would cover Cas' ears better and then he leaned his head against the window. 

So much needed to be addressed.

~ 

At the bunker Cas was put in his bedroom and Dean had dressed the cut in his hand which hadn't healed at all for some reason.

Gabriel was nowhere to be found but the archangel had set a sign on the door of the bedroom Sam had given to him.

Keep out.

Which while childish the brothers knew to not test. Not when the power could be almost felt buzzing out of that door.

Castiel's tattoos were still there. Glowing. 

Though now rather than white it was a more dimmed shade of blue.

The second seal was next.

And Dean almost dreaded having to call Claire and explain to her the situation.

Because he knew that despite all she liked Cas and she wouldn't be happy at all with his current situation.

But things had to be done.

At least he wouldn't have to call her straight away. Gabriel had said to give Cas a few days to adjust before breaking the other seal.

Chapter Text

-You look like crap.- Those were Dean's greeting words when he caught sight of Castiel in the kitchen. Sitting at the table and staring at Sam and Gabriel making pancakes.

Dean had to do a double take for that one.

Gabriel.

In his kitchen. 

Making pancakes.

-You let the sugar addict into my kitchen?- Reproached Dean to which Sam gave him a deadpanned look.

-You should feel honored that an archangel as smoking hot as me is making you breakfast.- Told Gabriel as he flipped the pancake with a masterful talent. A lollipop sticking out of his mouth. 

Charlie who was sitting with Cas snickered and Dean couldn't help the glare he sent her way. He then sat across from Cas who now that he noticed was fiddling with a disturbingly fluorescent pink feather the size of his hand.

-Hello Dean.- Cas' gaze fell on him for a moment before falling back on Gabriel and Sam.

Dean looked at Charlie who shrugged at his silent question.

-Cas, how you doing buddy? 

-My head won't stop shoving images and voices at me. Gabriel said the memories will either settle down or settle back and disappear again. Otherwise I'm fine.- His voice was monotonous as he spoke and he wouldn't stop fiddling with the feather.

-What's with the feather?- Asked Dean. He had seen a few of those in the third set of Cas' wings.

-Gabriel said it's Azrael's.

-The archangel of death has pink wings?- Charlie sounded as caught off guard as Dean felt.

-Yes. It was to look less threatening.- Told Gabriel as he placed a plate of pancakes infront of Charlie and another one infront of Dean.- Not that it worked. Most angels were scared shitless of her true form.

-The angel of death is a chick?- Charlie sounded both mortified and awestruck the more she got shoved into her face facts she never expected about the angel of death .

-Technically speaking no. She just favored female vessels. Gender doesn't applies to our magnificent asses. I could be a hot chick. Lucifer could be a hot chick. Even Cassie there could be a hot chick.

That was a mental picture neither Sam nor Dean needed and one Charlie had to admit would be striking.

Castiel for his side ignored Gabriel's words and looked down at the feather.

He could almost grasp the pink. Almost.

-You are gonna burn that feather. Give it a rest.

Castiel's feathers bristled when Gabriel took the feather from him.

-Hey, you keep that up and you will gain a headache worse than being hit with Thor's hammer. 

Castiel scowled at that and even more so when Gabriel grabbed Sam's wrist and placed the fluorescent pink feather on his hand. Closing his fingers around it to secure it.

-Here. Souvenir.

Sam had a firm belief that Cas would crawl from under his bed at night and whisper in the darkness about his sins of having stolen his feather.

Still the feather was so soft and light.

-Aw don't look like that bro. You got thousands of feathers.

Castiel scoffed and considering Gabriel was close enough he reached out to one of the golden wings and without a single trace of hesitation he yanked a feather out of the wing and out of the ethereal plane.

Gabriel did not squeak.

-Here. Souvenir.- Castiel made perfectly sure to stare straight into Gabriel's eyes as he said that and gave Sam the golden feather in the same fashion Gabriel had done.

-That's so not fair.- Huffed Gabriel crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child.

Castiel ignored him.

Meanwhile Sam was staring at the feathers on his hands like he had been handed a piece of God Himself.

Dean sighed.

~

Castiel had felt less aware of his surroundings since the first seal was broken than he had ever felt.

He had invaded Sam's room in hopes that watching some Netflix would help him find his center of focus.

But it didn't help.

He could hear the words but it was as if his mind couldn't grasp them long enough for him to decipher their meaning and so he was left staring into space once again.

All he could think about was pink.

There was pink in Heaven.

But he couldn't grasp that either.

It was annoying to say the least.

Gabriel said he had to give it time but Castiel found himself growing irritated the more he failed to grasp things.

He couldn't even sense the souls in the bunker nor the wards because his senses were too unfocused to do so.

Staring at the multicolored pictures moving across the screen without a clue about what was happening was strange. He was tired and all he wanted was to sleep but even that was impossible because the voices and pictures got louder when he tried to relax.

He fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling as he gave up on hoping to use Netflix as a distraction.

Even if the pictures and voices were less wilder than earlier it still bothered him how little he could grasp them until the memories were settled.

Plus Gabriel had told him that the next seal couldn't be broken just yet so as to not overwhelm his mind.

In the meantime The Winchesters and Charlie had begun searching for a spell or item that could help them locate God. As if Castiel hadn't attempted to find him a long time ago.

But Sam claimed that this time the bunker's books were at their disposal.

And considering neither Gabriel nor Castiel could find out what was keeping God out of their reach and viceverse a spell was better than the brothers' plan of Castiel and Gabriel getting into a gruesome fight as Sam of all people had suggested.

Castiel had tried to help.... it didn't work as well as he had hoped considering he couldn't read at the moment.

Gabriel had offered to help though Castiel had a feeling he had done it more so as to appease Castiel himself than because he actually cared to help.

Things were so messed up at this point.

Castiel hoped finding God this time was more successful than last time.

With a sigh he closed his eyes and attempted to sooth his wild mind. There was an ache that was beginning to sprout at the back of his head that felt like a persistent needle stabbing at the threads of his wavelengths.

It was odd and it irked at him.

The door opened but the sound didn't quite register until he heard the light footsteps and the soft sounds of drawers being opened and closed. Heard the TV being turned off. Felt the bed sinking above him.

Even if he couldn't quite pin point whose soul was it at the moment due how tired he felt he knew there was nothing to be worried about.

He was safe here.

~

Sam had known that Cas had taken over his room after his fifth failed attempt to read so he wasn't surprised to find him there.

What did surprise him was to find him asleep.

So making sure to be as quiet as possible he closed the door behind him and after saving the feathers in one of his drawers he turned the TV off and climbed on the bed. Cas wasn't taking his entire bed so Sam had space to settle in.

Sometimes he found it odd how Cas had chose to take his room hostage over Dean's considering both of them had a TV and the angel- archangel was closer to Dean.

But he didn't mind.

Sam liked the feeling of not being alone while sleeping and it wasn't like Cas was loud.

One last look at the archangel and he was falling into the world of sleep.

He hoped Gabriel didn't set the bunker on fire while he slept.

~

"-iel-"

"P- me-"

"-iel- siel-"

"- ase- lp- m-"

"-iel- y-"

Castiel woke up to whispers.

And it took him a moment to realize it weren't tricks of his own mind nor people talking around him.

It was a prayer.

Someone was praying to him.

Not as Castiel but as Cassiel.

The ache from earlier had developed into a full blown pounding that pulsated with each whisper.

"-he-"

"-iel-"

"-iel-"

"-'m- y- eg- u-"

The glitched whisper was familiar but he couldn't quite pin point from where.

It was desperate even if he couldn't understand the wording.

"-iel- !-" 

Castiel got off the bed with as much stealth as possible and stepped out of the room.

The second he closed the door the second he disappeared into the ether.

He didn't knew who was calling but he couldn't ignore someone who was so adamant about getting his attention.

And if he had been more grounded he would had realized how careless that train of thought was.

~

Castiel followed his instinct in order to find what he was looking for.

He was lead to an abandoned building.

Wards were broken and he could smell the sulfur in the air. Sliding the door open he was met with a dim lighted place and the whispers of grace.

Angel.

Hands appeared out of nowhere and it were his quick reflex the ones that helped him avoid an angel blade as he stepped back.

-Angel.- Spat the demon as he held a blade up, a sneer plastered on his face.

-Where's the angel?- Demanded Castiel with a harsher tone than he intended.

That got the demon crackling.

It irked at Castiel and his angel blade slipped into his hand. Fingers curling around the hilt with a tight grasp as he felt his grace flare up.

Castiel swung forward with unforgiving force.

The sound of a gunshot was as unexpected as the hot pain that followed right after. Rattling across his entire true form as his leg gave in and a pained half surprised shout left him. The sound of metal clattering on the ground was heard as his blade slipped off his grasp. Hand pressed against his thigh as he wiped his head towards the frame where to his surprise a human stood holding a gun with a smug look.

-Like it? I heard a demon found a more conventional way of taking angels down and I couldn't help myself.

Castiel felt anger bloom deep within his core. This human. This pest . How dare she defile his brothers and sisters in such manner? How dare she? A demon was meant to be evil so of course he didn't expect less from Crowley when he did it. But a human? He was furious at the fact that that meant one of his siblings' death and that made Castiel seeth with pure blind rage. He wanted to tear this mortal limb by limb and- 

No. 

He couldn't do that. 

He couldn't fall to that level. 

Sam and Dean would be disappointed and he had to find the wounded angel. He could still feel their dimmed presence growing weaker and weaker.

Another one of his siblings was dying.

Castiel attempted to get up but another gunshot rang through and he felt white pain explode in his abdomen. Followed with another explosion in his shoulder. This one rippling through the wavelengths of his true form and pinching his stomach as he doubled over with a strangled shout. Spitting out blood as the throbbing turned into an immediate persistent whiplash that made his head spin. Fire. Fire. His grace was on fire. Something was wrong. So so wrong. He began clawing at his shoulder because something was wrong and he wanted he needed the bullet out! 

Fingers grabbed his hair and yanked his head up. The action sending more waves of pain across his entire being. The fire in his shoulder becoming too strong and all of a sudden all he could focus was on it. How was it seizing him. Burning him. He couldn't stop shaking. He was gonna be sick. 

-There's something off about you. Tell me angel how are you still conscious? 

Castiel didn't answer. 

All he did was hope to muster a murderous look as he pierced the human's soul with his stare and hoped for it to burn in hell. Hell were the hellfire crawled with the same unforgiving force as the fire running across his grace. As hot as he felt and as hot as his inside felt.

-I asked a question halo.- Snapped the woman as she pressed the gun against his forehead.- You are not a normal angel are you? Angels usually go down the second that bullet goes in but you... What are you?

-For someone who is working with demons and attacking angels you are awfully stupid.

His words got him a smack with the gun and a kick to the stomach that got him coughing up more blood. He then was shoved to the ground.

-It doesn't matter what you are. Angel or not that's nothing but a flamboyant title to cover up the fact that you are no better than a demon. Wearing innocent people as meatsuits and destroying families. 

Castiel felt nauseous at that but he still forced himself to swallow past the lump in his throat.

-If we are so similar how come you are working with demons?- He asked as he noticed that there was more than one demon. The moonlight seeping through worn out drapes allowing him to see quite the small army of demons.

But why follow a human?

It made no sense.

-We share a common goal. 

-Killing angels?

-You are smart.- Gasped the woman faking surprise. Castiel glared and the sudden wish to rip this woman's heart out and feed it to her hit him. Pain. Pain. Make her feel as much pain as the pain that was threatening to obliterate his entire mind. And the bullet in his shoulder wouldn't stop burning. Why wouldn't it stop burning? 

-Like that bullet? I dipped it in my blood just for you.- Told one of the demons with a smile too full of teeth and a devious gleam in the pitch black of his eyes.

Castiel felt the floor sway beneath him at those words. Demon blood? Father. He coughed up more blood. Vision zooming out as the fire in his shoulder began spreading across his chest. Making breathing the greatest task to ever be thrown at him.

-Your angel pal was quite strong have to give to him but I never expected an angel to last this long with demon blood in their system.

-Where is he?- Demanded Castiel as the taste of copper crawled back up and he had to spit it out with a wheeze. Vision blurring and zooming out for a moment. He could feel the sweat trickling down his forehead. Could feel the burning crawling inside his chest and shoulder.

-Soon to be killed doesn't matter. You on the other hand.... You seem useful.

-You won't kill him. I won't allow it.- Said Castiel as he pushed himself up with gritted teeth. The woman scoffed and another gunshot echoed across the place, pain seized his bicep as blazing fire spread across his arm and pierced his true form. 

And Castiel's last remaining string of patience and will power puffed out of existence. 

Because the pain. Father the pain . His grace was on fire. Obliterating his senses and he wanted nothing more but to run.

But the idea of this angel ending up like Samandriel was too agonizing and it made his adrenaline rush with the might of a supernova. Anger obliterating his senses.

-You will not touch him!- He roared. His real voice mixing with Jimmy Novak's as the windows exploded and thunder roared outside. The demons and human stepped back in fear. Eyes wide. Castiel forced himself up. Pain throbbing across his true form with agonizing ripples that sent even more white flashes in his vision.

The woman cocks the gun and Castiel tears through the ether with his wings with no care at all for his vessel. Shoulders jerking as the skin splits open. He feels the blood trail down his back as bone and sharp feathers find their way out. Clawing. Unfurling and spreading with unforgiving might as blood splatters everywhere. Wings rise above him with a sharp snap. Intimidating and powerful.

Some demons retreat against the wall in sheer terror. The human fires. Castiel's wings snap forwards to shield him from the bullet. The small metal clump hitting against the feathers before dropping to the floor.

-Stop acting like friggin' cowards and do something!- Shouted the human at the demons who seem to stagger before launching. 

Castiel's wings flared as he launched himself at the demons. Arm piercing through their chests without hesitation. He runs down the hall. Flapping his wings as two demons attempt to stop him. He touches their faces and smites them. Twisted cores exploding under his power. He lands with nothing but a wince. 

Another demon turns a corner with an angel blade and as he swings the blade Castiel catches his wrist and squeezes ,  hard enough that the sound of bone snapping echoes across the hall along with the shout of pain from the demon. 

He brings him close to him as his fingers wrap around his throat. His feets dangling in the air as his good hand grabs onto his wrist. Castiel's free hand pressed on his face and he smote him without a bit of hesitation. Releasing him Castiel didn't waste time to do the same to the other demon approaching him with a knife. 

And as he once again dropped a corpse something hit the back of his head and he stumbled on his knees, breath heavy as he fought the bluriness off his sight. His wings flared out and a shout echoed across his eardrums as he felt each feather pierce through soft human flesh and bones and pierced a demons core. Blood and guts splashing everywhere as an arm went flying. With some struggles he managed to get up. 

More demons came at him. 

Castiel yanked feathers from his wings and used them to slit throats. Beheading with his barehands. Ripping skulls apart. Smashing heads and crushing bones. Blood splashing everywhere as the bodies went down one after one. He tore through the ether once again and materialized more of his true form. Blinding claws that he swung around. Cutting a woman's face in half as her brains spilled out. Tearing someone's jaw clean off with a swing. Blood oozing out and pooling on the ground. 

An ancient feeling of familiarity overcame him as he kept on killing every single demon who got on his way, tearing their jaws off, slicing their throats open, tearing their chests open, smiting them, screams and cries for mercy falling on deaf ears, blood bathing the walls, a warm feeling settling inside his chest.

And as he got to the last door he brought it down with a kick. 

More demons awaited there.

The woman was also there. 

Castiel looks down to find himself in an angel trap.

Odd.

-Restrain him!- Orders the woman. The demons seem to stagger for a moment before throwing themselves at the angel who slammed a man hard enough on the ground to break the sigil he was in. 

The door slams open and more demons flood in. Running towards Castiel.

Bones crunched under his hands. Snapped. Feathers sliced through someone's neck clean.  Skulls meeting ground. Screams. Squishing sounds.

Castiel was dripping in blood like he hadn't in centuries and as he turns to look at the woman who had shot him he found her dragging herself towards the door in an attempt to escape the bloodbath. 

He took a step forward and the woman flinched as she caught his blazing gaze. Eyes wide with terror as he approached. The metallic sound of feathers dragging across tiles coming out as nothing but a death sentence. 

-Wait! No! Please no!- Cries the woman as Castiel grabs her hair in a vice grip and forces he to kneel before him.- Please no! I'm still human! You are an angel! Aren't angels suppose to be merciful? 

Castiel doesn't answer for a moment and then.

-You who defiled the children of God shall bleed and be deprived from an afterlife .- Sentences the archangel in Enochian with his voice vast and terrible. 

And then he crushed the woman from the inside out. Grace obliterating her soul and burning through each atom in her being. Tearing each and every single cell of her body apart, he heard the woman's gurgling screams, saw the blood pooling out of her mouth, her nose, her eyes, even her ears as light explode from deep within her core and she was turned to dust.

After he made sure no more threats were around he followed after the whispers of grace. His blood felt too hot. His grace too hot. The adrenaline was dying down and with it the blood loss and wrongness of it all came back at him full force.

But he had to find his brother.

He had to save this one.

He didn't care who it was he needed to save him.

The heaviness of his now limp wings and demon blood coursing through his wavelengths made him stumble a few times. His breathing was ragged as he fought the bluriness off his sight. Using walls for support as he kept walking across halls.

He almost blacked out a few times and stumbled a lot but somehow he made it to the room where the whispers were stronger. Dimming and dimming with each second but still there. His sluggish not human at all fingers made it difficult to grasp the doorknob let alone twist it but as he pushed the door open he had to lean against the door frame as bright spots assaulted his vision and a wave of dizziness slammed into him.

Yet he still mustered enough strength to not allow his legs to give in. His gaze roamed around the dim lighted room for a moment before he caught sight of a curled figure in a corner. Leaning against the wall for support and with a muzzle strapped to his face. His wrists were handcuffed and chained to the wall at his side.

The haze of agonizing fire made it difficult to put a name or connect dots to who this was and the vessel's face was turned so Castiel didn't had much to go with.

Still with trembling legs he approached him.

His knees gave out the second he was at his side.

Too weak to do more and Castiel found himself hating how he couldn't for the life of him break the chains let alone heal him.

Still it wasn't until he was this close that he was able to recognize the vessel even with the muzzle.

And it felt like a punch to the gut that left him without the little air he was already fighting for.

Of all things expected Castiel could had never guessed he was still alive after the Leviathan fiasco.

His forehead dropped on his shoulder and a broken whisper crawled out with one single name.

-Inias.

Chapter Text

Waking up to Cas missing hadn't been as bad as Gabriel not being able to sense him nor communicate with him.

But thank God for the GPS Sam had placed in his phone.

He was located in Iowa.

For once Dean hadn't fought the idea of "angel express".

Getting to Iowa was easier than locating the exact place where Cas was and having Gabriel in the backseat of the impala asking over a hundred times per minute if he had located Cas yet had been an absolute pain in the arse.

But Dean couldn't blame him considering he was also freaking out at the idea of Cas having been taken despite the fact that no one knew how could that have happened in the first place.

When the brothers found his location it took both Sam and Dean's persistent warnings to stop Gabriel from zapping right into the place which could lead to his ass getting caught or God knows what.

Right now the last thing the Winchesters needed were two missing archangels.

The place was an abandoned building and as the hunters put their gear on Gabriel's voice reached their ears.

-There's a massive amount of warding in this place that was broken...

-A trap?

-I'm not sure.- Something felt off and Gabriel couldn't for the life of him pin point what it was.

Not being able to sense Cassiel had him on edge and if it wasn't because the two bros had a point on him risking getting his ass taken by who knows who Gabriel would have barged in the second he got the location.

Dean closed the back of the impala as he hoped for this to be a non-angelic issue because killing them was not an option and using a banishing sigil would also lead to Gabriel and Cas getting banished. He shared a look with Sam before setting upon their quest.

Sam and Dean had been prepared for anything but as the door opened the sight punched the air out of them and don't even get them started on the fool smell that hit them.

-What the hell?

Vampires. Werewolves. Wendigo. Ghouls. Demons. 

Neither of the monsters the hunters had ever come across had been able to cause such carnage. They were used to gore stuff as the job demanded but this... This was pushing it awfully hard. 

At their side Gabriel sucked in a sharp breath before grinning to the brothers' disturbance.

-Almost forgot baby bro shared his temper with Lucifer and Pops.

-Baby....?

-Cas did this?- Asked Sam as he felt his blood run cold at the new knowledge of who was responsible for the scene of nightmares infront of them.

-Yup.- Gabriel looked honestly proud.- Cassie is the only angel who can pull off that of standing in the middle of death and bathed in blood and look as malevolent as a demon but also as righteous as an archangel.

That was a skin crawling fact that felt like a cold bucket of water for the brothers.

Dean felt nauseous and part of him refused to grasp the words because the scene before them had no angelical fingerprint at all.

Sam was pale at his side and he looked like he would pass out.

-Why would he do something like this?- Asks Dean refusing to believe Castiel would do something like this without a good reason.

-Well he is the wrath of God for a reason. When he is pissed he can reach the same level of destruction Lucifer and Pops do.- Even if Gabriel said that he had no clue what would get Cassiel this pissed.

For Sam and Dean those weren't comforting words at all.

It was unnerving to know such powerful being had been at their side for years.

That Naomi had had him under her control.

-There's another angel in here.- Realizes Gabriel with a frown. The air stank of sulfur but he could feel the almost faded tingles of angel grace.

-So an angel lured Cas here?- Asks Dean as he began walking with his guard up. It was quiet.

Eerily quiet.

-No. I'm not sure. It reeks of sulfur here and the angel's grace feels faded. Almost like it's reaching its limit to keep them alive.

The implications of that weren't lost to the hunters.

It made them sick the idea of demons using another angel to lure Cas here.

-You can't feel Cas?

-No.- That was distressing to say the least. Something was off in the air and Gabriel had the urge to turn around and leave.

Because he could smell it.

Amongst the death blood and sulfur.

Danger was in the air.

Warning.

Intoxicating.

Wrong .

As the hunters and the archangel walked down the hall with Gabriel on the lead the sight became worse. Some bodies had been torn apart. Guts and organs spilled all across the floor. Blood still oozing out from some other bodies. There was so much blood all over the place. Deep cuts adorning the walls which prompted Gabriel to run his fingers across the wall as he walked despite the blood covering these.

It made the hunters sick.

Even more so as Dean caught sight of an intestine hanging off the lightbulb which prompted him to swallow past the nausea that that spiked up.

And God was that a feather sticking out of that guy's eyeball?

The sudden sound of metal dragging across floor caught their attention.

-He's there.

-Who?

-The angel.- Gabriel couldn't find it in himself to give another step. The air was dangerous and crushing. Intoxicating. Suffocating. Wrong .

Sam and Dean did approach the door with stealth. Guns with demon trap bullets cocking in anticipation.

The second both of them stepped into the room the second their hearts stopped.

Because there he stood.

Castiel.

Bathed in blood with wings pulled out of hell's nightmares. He was a sight of nightmares.

There was no skin nor thread of cloth free of blood. Hair matted and sticking to his forehead. What once were human eyes were now plain striking blueish. His hands wielding translucent claws that dripped with blood and glowed with an incandescent brightness that promised searing heat and pain. 

And the biggest attention catcher. 

His wings were visible.

Spread behind him in an aggressive stance that did nothing but make him look like the most intimidating living being to ever cross path with them.

And this time his wings' angelic state was nowhere to be found. Dripping with blood and looking like pure steel made to saw the world itself in half.

Right behind him Sam catches sight of the muzzled and chained man who must be the angel used to lure Cas here. He was boneless against the wall but the slight twitch of his fingers told he was still alive.

Still that didn't explain Cas' current state of not recognizing them.

-Cas?- Dean's voice is nothing but a squeak that makes the archangel's wings twitch. Head tilting to the side with those inhuman orbs that threaten death upon those who dare to move just a bit too quick.

Glazed and showing no recognition at all.

-Hey buddy.- Began Dean as careful as possible and taking a step forward. The archangel's shoulders squared and his wings flared behind him with a gaze that could beat the arctic. He looked like God's murderous intent itself.

It made the hunters take a step back out of instinct.

For the first time since reading that information about Cassiel the brothers were able to see the actual meaning behind the title of "Heir Of Heaven". The actual weight of the kind of power he could wield.

-It's okay, it's okay. See? I'm not getting close. No one is getting close I promise.

That did nothing to lessen the aggression exuding from the archangel.

-Look, I don't know what happened but I promise it's okay now. No one is gonna hurt you so... please put those away.- Asks Dean as he throws the wings another look while also keeping an eye on those weird translucent claws. Gabriel really was taking his sweet time to intervene.

What Dean didn't knew was that Gabriel was peeking from the corner of the wall and now he could see it. Hell he could smell it.

Demon blood.

Someone had inserted demon blood inside Cassiel and the angel and while it wouldn't kill an archangel it would bring unfathomable pain that made one wish for death.

An angel on the other hand could die due it.

Gabriel pondered who would do something so disturbing and why.

As far as he knew no demon in their right mind would attempt getting their blood into an angel and risk their wrath state.

-Cas. Buddy please, you know us. Dean and Sam Winchester.- Plead Dean. He could see it.

The tremors wrecking through Cas' wings and hands. How he looked like the only thing keeping him up and conscious was the sheer force of his desire to protect the angel behind him.

He didn't knew what had been done to him but he knew it was getting worse and worse with each passing second.

And then Castiel's wings dropped with a sharp metallic thud. Glitching out of existence as the translucent claws faded into nothingness and a flash of recognition crossed his face. 

-Cas? 

The archangel looked at Dean and then he crumbled. Dean barely had time to catch him. 

-Holy- He's burning .- Gasped Dean the second he came into contact with Castiel's blazing skin.

-Take him to the car.- Ordered Gabriel as he stalked past them and crouched on the floor. Melting the handcuffs around the angel's wrists and tearing the muzzle off.

Despite their vessel's height difference Gabriel was stronger than he looked and he was able to teleport the angel back with him inside the impala where he left him in the backseat before zapping back inside and catching the brothers and Cassiel in the middle of the halls and teleporting them back to the impala.

After Cassiel is inside the car he turns his attention to the Winchesters with a seriousness he hasn't felt in centuries.

-There's demon blood in their bodies. It won't kill Cassiel but it will give him enough pain to make him wish for death and he could also go into an hallucination spree. The angel on the other hand will die if not treated. I can't heal that as I would heal a broken neck. Give them as much holy water as you can and they will be fine.

-You are not coming?- Asked Sam half freaking out at the sudden knowledge that angels were given demon blood and that apparently demon blood could kill an angel.

-No. I'm gonna find out who is behind this and what was their purpose for this.- Sentenced the archangel with a dark look that promised eternal torture in the pits of Hell itself for whoever dared to ensue what happened here.

It gave the hunters the shivers.

-Get in the car.- Ordered Gabriel and neither hunter had to be told twice considering the two ailing celestial in the backseat.

The second Sam and Dean got in the car the second Gabriel teleported them back to the bunker before disapearing.

Between Charlie, Sam and Dean they got both angels to the infirmary.

Putting an IV with holy water was their best shot with the angel considering he was out.

Meanwhile Charlie was the one to notice something about Cas.

-He's bleeding.

-Where?- Sam is at her side in less than a second leaving Dean to put the IV in the angel part of his brain swore he had seen somewhere before.

-His shoulder.

Sam reaches for the spot where traces of a gunshot were clear and found that Cas was, without a doubt, bleeding, light leaking out.

-How is this possible?- He muttered to himself feeling shivers run down his spine at the thought of someone having bullets able to harm angels.

He grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off the shirt. 

Sam sucked in a sharp breath when he caught sight of another bullet wound on his stomach and the fact that there were blackish trails spread around the wound on his shoulder like a web. 

And thus he cut the rest of his shirt off and pulled the trench coat off with some help from Dean and when the archangel was left shirtless he also found another bullet wound on his bicep with the same blackish web and with the trench coat off he also noticed the light leaking from a hole on his pants right on his left thigh.