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“Johnny, babe, please open the door,” Peter pleaded. He’d long since given up trying to open it on his own and had resigned himself to sitting on the floor with his back against the door. “Please, Johnny. It’s okay, just let me in so we can talk”. His voice broke, “Johnny”.
The door didn’t budge, it stayed shut and locked. Peter could barely hear Johnny on the other side despite his super-hearing. He could only just make out the sounds of his breathing. Peter sat against the door, listening to Johnny’s shaky breathing for what felt like hours.
Peter nearly fell backward when Johnny finally opened the door and walked past him. He scrambled to get to his feet and went down the hall after Johnny. He’d changed out of his pajamas while Peter had been outside the bedroom and put on his sick day clothes instead. Johnny was now toasting some pop tarts, which was a bad sign.
Johnny only ate pop tarts when he felt like an emotional pile of flaming shit. Peter hadn’t realized this about him until his small pop tart stash was wiped out after a series of Johnny anxiety attacks when they’d first started dating. Despite pop tarts being Johnny’s comfort food, he didn’t usually eat them after nightmares. Not that Peter needed anyone proof this nightmare had been unusually bad, he’d figured that out on his own.
Nightmares are unfortunately common in their apartment. It’s rare for them to get more than 2 nightmare-free nights a week. The two of them had enough trauma in their personal lives alone to make most therapists nervous. Add to that all the superhero-related trauma, it really wasn’t at all surprising how many nights were disturbed.
The only real upside to frequent nightmares was that they were both pretty good at handling it. Peter’s thrashing would wake Johnny much quicker than it used to. Johnny knew exactly how to wrap Peter in his arms to get the tears to slow and just what words to say to calm his racing heart. When Johnny’s screams would echo through their bedroom Peter no loner frantically worried about how to wake him up. As Johnny sat up in bed post-nightmare, he’d rub his back and presses kisses to his temple until his mind was back where it belonged. It was unfortunately pretty standard for them.
But as the pop tarts had indicated, this one had been different.
Johnny wouldn’t look at Peter, he’d locked him out of the room, and he wasn’t speaking to him. It made Peter nervous. More nervous than the nightmare itself had.
He stepped closer to Johnny. “Mind if I join you for pop tarts Torchie?” he asked, placing his hand on Johnny’s shoulder as he did.
Johnny jumped back from him and the plate that had been sitting on the counter fell to the ground, clattering loudly. The space between them felt infinitely larger than it was. And the look in Johnny’s eyes, the look in his eyes broke Peter’s heart. It was the first time he’d looked at Peter since his nightmare. Peter never thought he’d wish he couldn’t see Johnny’s eyes, but the pure terror in them that came just from a simple touch almost changed that.
“Stay away from me,” Johnny stammered.
Peter took a step, “Johnny-“
“No!” Johnny warned, backing away frantically. “You need to stay away”. His voice quieted, “It’s not safe”.
Peter had to force himself not to cry as he nodded and backed away from Johnny.
“Do you want any juice with your pop tarts?” he asked. But Johnny didn’t answer, and Peter knew he wasn’t going to no matter what he asked.
He went to the bathroom and tried to compose himself. It didn’t work. So he let the tears fall as quietly as he could, trying to make sure Johnny couldn’t hear. He attempted to control his breathing as he figured out what to do. Johnny wouldn’t let him get close, he wouldn’t talk to him. Peter had no clue how to help. But he did know someone who might.
Peter desperately searched for his phone which had somehow ended up in the bathtub. He scrolled through his contacts and pressed the call button. The phone rang three times before she answered.
“Peter you’re lucky I have children or I’d be extremely annoyed that you called at 7:30 in the morning,” Sue said in place of a greeting.
“I’m sorry Sue,” Peter replied, trying to keep his voice steady, “I just-“
“What happened?” she asked, a hit of panic in her voice.
He almost laughed at how quickly Sue figured out something was wrong. She truly was an incredible woman. “It’s nothing huge. Just, Johnny had a nightmare, a bad one and he, he-” Peter took a deep breath, “something happened after, and now he won’t talk to me or let me get close to him and I don’t know what to do”. The words had all mushed together but Peter hoped she understood.
Sue’s voice was calmer now, “Peter can you take a couple of deep breaths for me? I don’t need you hyperventilating over the phone”. She waited for him to catch his breath before continuing. “I know his nightmares are worse now, all of ours are, but when he was little he always sought out comfort afterward. It’s what he needs. If he’s not letting that happen...” she trailed off.
“What?”
“I just worry about him shutting down. Obviously he needs comfort but you can’t force it.,” Sue said, almoat as if she was still working it out in her mind. “You might have to be the one to imitate talking about it, to put yourself out there to provide comfort. It may take some time but let him know you’re there. Be a presence. Talk through some of your thoughts maybe.” She sighed deeply. “At the very least it could get him out of his head, keep him from shutting down”.
She had a point. “Thank you, Sue”.
“Call me if you need me to come over. I can leave the kids in the lab with Reed if I need to, they’d probably love it”.
“I will”. Peter hung up and set his phone on the counter. He took another minute to calm himself before leaving the bathroom.
He expected to find Johnny still in the kitchen but was slightly surprised to see him eating his pop tarts on the bed. Well, that would make things a little easier. Peter sneakily shut the door before going to sit on the bed, as far from Johnny as he could.
“Johnny, you need to talk to me,” Peter started quietly. “I know that you’re upset about what happened, but it’s not that bad. If you’d just talk to me-“
“Not that bad?” Johnny replied cynically, his voice so soft Peter almost missed it.
Peter scooted a little further onto the bed. “It was an accident, you and I both know that”.
“An accident that could have killed you!” Johnny cried out. He was now looking at Peter and not just the pop tarts.
“It wouldn’t hav-“
“I burned you, Peter!” Johnny shouted and was suddenly on his feet. Silence echoed between them for a moment until Johnny spoke again. “I was so out of control from that stupid nightmare that I burned your chest and I’m guessing more you’re not telling me about! I severely burned the man I love because of a nightmare!” Tears were rapidly trailing down his cheeks now and Peter was pretty sure he felt tears on his own face as well. “It’s not safe for you to be near me,” he whispered, eyes back to the ground.
Peter stood up and slowly walked around the bed to the side where Johnny was, leaving several feet between them.
“When we first met, back when we were rival teenagers, almost everything you did would set off my spidey senses. Even shaking your hand when we’d agree to a truce or something. But now, you haven’t set my spidey senses off in years. Not even that time you got so excited about the new car you were working on that your hands sparked while you were dragging me to go see it”. Johnny wasn’t looking at him anymore and Peter could see his hands shaking a little. He continued, “When you lost control after your nightmare, my spidey senses did go off. If they hadn’t I would’ve been burned much worse. They kept me safe. They still warn me about danger. They still work”.
“Because it’s dangerous to be around me,” Johnny murmured.
Peter shook his head, “No. That’s not true”.
Johnny scoffed.
“You wanna know how I know that’s not true?” Peter asked. Johnny didn’t say anything. “Because you haven’t set them off once since then,”
He took the smallest of steps towards Johnny.
“You didn’t set them off when you walked past the bathroom to take your pop tarts to bed”.
Another step.
“You didn’t set them off when I sat on the bed across from you or when I walked around it and got closer”.
Two steps.
“Or when I stepped closer”.
His next step left only a foot between them. Johnny was nervously looking at him.
“Or with this step”.
Peter cautiously took Johnny’s hand, watching his face the whole time, brought it to his lips, and gave him a small kiss.
“Or this one”.
He pressed his forehead against Johnny’s, both of their eyes closed, and he combed his free hand through the blonde’s hair.
“This one?” Johnny breathed.
Peter shook his head. “No,” he replied, voice just as quiet, “Because you are not dangerous. You are safe. I know that, my spidey sense knows that, I just need you to know that”.
They stood like that for a while, not saying anything. Peter felt tears hit his cheek. He didn’t know if they were his or Johnny’s, or both.
Once he could feel that Johnny was calmer, his breathing was more even and the tension in his body had lessened, Peter pressed a soft kiss to Johnny’s forehead. “You are safe,” Peter whispered.
“I am safe”.