Chapter Text
“Savannah Catherine Bartley! How are you still in the bathroom? Stop fussing! You look great! Now go! You want to be late for your own prom?”
Sunny huffed and kept trying to fix her bangs, “I’m not going to be late.”
“Time waits for no man, sweetie… and neither do teenage boys, I’m afraid.”
“Hmm.” She sighed and finally gave up getting them to lie flat. She settled for brushing them to the side as per usual and pinned them in place just to be doubly sure they didn’t embarrass her later. “Stupid hair.”
He grumped, “I happen to like your hair, thank you very much.”
She turned and gave her father a flat look, “It’s your fault I look like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket all the time, you know.”
“Yes, I know.” He smiled and ran a hand over his thick, curly, black hair. “Your mother always said it was the first thing she noticed about me, though, so… really it’s her fault, if you think about it.”
She laughed, "Just going to keep passing the buck there, aren’t you?"
"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."
“Uh-huh.”
“Anyway, wouldn’t most girls kill for having all that natural body and bounce and whatnot?”
God, he was so not with it. The other girls in class were all wearing their hair either ironed straight and neat as a pin or in graceful, perfect finger waves. Her own head of riotous curls that could not be contained had never been, nor would it ever be, in style.
She decided to skip arguing over it and came out of the bathroom, smoothing her skirt. It still bothered her that it hit her above the knees but hopefully no one would notice. “You really think Freddie won’t mind the heels?”
James scoffed, “If he does, he’s a fool. Having a girlfriend who’s a little taller than you isn’t the worst thing in the world, you know.”
A little taller, he said. She had a good six inches on Freddie in her stocking feet. In fact, she was the tallest resident in the entire vault, save her dad. He was 6’4” and towered over, well, everyone, but that was perfectly acceptable on a man. She should probably be thankful that she’d maxed out at 5’11” in the seventh grade and not grown an inch since.
“I know.”
“Your mother was very tall and I loved it.”
She smiled a little at how cantankerously it came out. “Okay.”
“Anyway!” He tucked an errant curl behind her ear and pointedly checked his PipBoy. “We better scoot. You have a beau to dazzle and I have to get to the lab.” She followed him out the door and he kissed her cheek before heading in the other direction. “Have a wonderful time, Sunflower!”
“Thanks, Dad. I’ll try.”
Click-click, click-click, click-click went her heels on the concrete floor as she headed to the gymnasium. She was supposed to meet Freddie by the bathrooms and then they could head in together after he put the corsage on her wrist. If he’d actually found one. She hadn’t really thought about how difficult it would be for him to match her dress or anything when she picked it out but he’d certainly huffed and puffed over it for weeks. Amata had said purple was a good color on her and she wasn’t really into fashion or anything, so that’s just what she went with.
But as she approached and saw the small plastic box in his hand, she grinned. He’d done it. He’d actually found a purple flower in the vault. Amazing. He was actually kind of amazing when he really tried.
“Hi!”
He seemed startled at her approach, but that was just Freddie. Her dad always said he’d been born anxious. “H-hey!”
“You look so handsome!”
“Yeah, thanks, that’s…” He quickly glanced at her dress and then went back to contemplating the floor. “You look... nice.”
Ouch. Just nice? Okay then. She smiled through the awkwardness though, as she always did. “So! You ready to head on in?”
“Oh, uh… actually.” He peeked up at her and immediately dropped his eyes again. “Gosh, Sunny… you’re gonna hate me.”
“What?”
“I… you heard about Amata and Paulie, right?”
“Yes.”
Of course she had. Amata was her best friend in the whole wide world. Her only friend if she was being honest. The moment that louse Paulie had broken up with her for the wide-open pastures of Christine’s affections, she’d come straight to the Bartley’s apartment and they’d drowned her sorrows in pints of ice cream and a marathon of Gene Kelly movies. That had just been a week ago and Sunny had actually considered not attending prom at all in solidarity, but Amata had decided to go anyway. She’d been determined to not let that jerk ruin a once in a lifetime experience for her.
Sunny admired the hell out of her for that. She could never be so brave and bold. If Freddie had dumped her for someone as gorgeous as Christine just before one of the biggest days of their lives, she’d want to go stick her head in the oven.
“Well, I just… just heard about it. This morning.”
“Oh.” She blinked for a moment, “Oh, I’m sorry! I should have said something. I know you’re her friend, too, and all. I didn’t even… goodness, that was thoughtless of me. Sorry.”
“No, no, it’s… God, you’re making this so hard. I knew you were gonna make it hard.”
“I’m… what?”
“You’re so nice, y’know? That’s why… that’s why I asked you out in the first place. You’re nice and I knew you wouldn’t say no.”
“Oh… thank you?”
“But…” He heaved a great sigh and the words spilled out of him like out of a bucket. “I’ve been in love with Amata forever, see? Like since kindergarten forever. But she’s so intimidating and pretty and I never, ever thought I’d have a chance and you guys are kinda alike except you’re more, y’know, approachable or whatever, so I thought it’d be… but it’s not. It’s just not. I’ve been stuck on her the whole time --”
“The whole time?” Two solid months of dates and holding hands and sappy notes and kissing and he’d been pining for someone else the whole time and she hadn’t even noticed? Just how daft was she, anyway?
“-- and now I figure, I got a shot! See? It’s like… like fate or somethin’! So I - I’m gonna go in there and ask her to be my date.”
“Oh.”
“It’s just… it’s my shot, Sunny. You understand, right?” He finally looked at her and the sheepish smile on his face made her want to cry. “You always understand.”
But she didn’t cry. Not her. Not ever. At least, not in public. Sunny smiled, like always, and nodded as if tears weren’t filling her eyes. “Sure! Totally! I… I totally get it. I mean, I can’t blame you. She’s great. She’s so great.”
“Right? She’s amazing!”
“Yeah! Amata’s…” There was a lump in her throat now that was making it very hard to breathe around. “It’s cool. You should… you’re absolutely right. This is your shot and I… good luck, Freddie. I hope she says yes. I really do.”
“Wow. You’re just… you really are a saint, you know that?”
“No, no, I’m just…” She shrugged, “The heart wants what it wants. You can’t fight fate. Don’t worry about it. You can tell her I’m… perfectly happy capitulating to true love or… whatever.”
“Oh, man. Thank you. Thank you so much!” He kissed her cheek and hurried off, “You’re one in a million! I’ll see ya!”
Sunny raised a hand in farewell, “Yeah. Go get ‘em, tiger.”
The moment the words popped out of her, she winced at how gauche and silly she sounded. Go get ‘em, tiger? What the heck was that? God, she was so lame.
She was also about to make a spectacle of herself. She tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to will her eyes into reabsorbing the lakes that had engulfed them, but it was no use. The second she blinked, they overflowed and ran down her cheeks.
“Crap.”
Once safely ensconced in the bathroom, she dapped at her eyes carefully with a piece of tissue and berated her reflection in the mirror.
“Jesus, get over yourself already. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not like he was the one or anything.” She scowled at her reflection and how pathetic she looked crying all of her mascara off in her fancy dress and her stupid shoes that she was never going to wear again. What a complete waste of time and effort. “One in a million? Puh. Hardly. I’m not one in a million. I’m just a doormat and everybody knows it.”
Or they were going to know it, anyway. The second they saw Freddie fawning over Amata all night. She didn’t blame her friend or anything. None of this was her fault and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’d never have gone after her boyfriend. In fact, she’d been nothing but supportive over their relationship. Happy to see her introverted to the point of being an isolationist best friend finally opening herself up a little.
What a joke. Opening yourself up was clearly overrated. All it had gotten her was a tummy ache and more mortification than she could possibly endure.
The door opened with a bang and she inwardly groaned as a bubbly, high-pitched voice called out. “I just have to go to the little girls' room! I’ll be right there!”
Well, she’d thought she’d reached peak mortification, but clearly she was wrong there. As she apparently was about literally every aspect of her life. Sunny scrambled to pull herself together and pretended like she was just blotting her lipstick as Susie Mack bounced into the bathroom.
“Oh!”
She smiled, “Hey.”
“You startled me! I didn’t know anybody was in here!”
“Sorry. I’m almost done, so…”
“Oh, no, it’s fine!” She waved a hand carelessly and came to use the mirror on the other end of the wall. “I don’t actually have to go or anything. It’s just good to make them wait whenever possible. Reminds them who’s in charge.”
“Uh… okay.”
She reapplied her bright red lipstick and glanced over a few times, “Lavender’s a good color on you.”
“Thanks. That’s what Amata said.”
“M’hmm.”
Sunny listened to her happily humming some inane tune and wondered, just for a moment, what life must be like for a girl like her. Someone headstrong and feisty and loud. Nobody messed with Susie. Nobody teased her or did things like ignore her existence until they needed to ask her for her class notes or dump all the group project work into her lap at the last minute. She was pretty and poised and always had something witty to say. She was even dating the most popular boy in their class and, somehow, was able to make him mind his manners for the first time in his life.
“I love your dress.”
Susie beamed at her, “Thank you! Mint can look so dingy, you know? I was worried about the lighting in the gym, but Mom said if I went with the satin, it would hold up.” She held out her skirt a bit and twirled. “Whatcha think?”
“I think your mom was right. It looks great.”
What must that be like, too? To have a mother? To have any mother, really, would be wonderful. But to have a young, pretty, glamorous mother like Gloria Mack to teach you all the things you needed to know about womanhood would no doubt be transcendent. She bet that bit about keeping your man waiting came from Mrs. Mack. Mr. Mack scared the bejesus out of Sunny and most sensible people, but he followed his wife around like a lovestruck puppy even after almost two decades of marriage, so whatever she was doing was obviously working.
Getting stuck on thinking about how much she desperately wished her mom was still alive just about put her at her limit. She needed to go home where she could hide under her covers and cry herself to sleep. She also needed to mentally prepare herself for the onslaught of questions her dad would have for her in the morning. Busy busy busy. There was always something to be done, even when you felt like the world had just ended and unfortunately forgotten to take you with it.
She tossed her tissue and smiled brightly, figuring with a mirror to distract her, Susie wouldn’t notice how all her mascara and eyeliner was terminally smudged. “Have a nice night!”
“Oh, you, too!”
Sunny took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door, steeling her nerves for whoever else she might bump into. The hall seemed empty when she stepped out, but, as she turned, the last possible voice she wanted to hear came from behind her near the water fountains and she immediately wanted to die. Again.
“Hey, shrimp. I know it's gotta be awful hard seein' where your feet are goin' from way up there in the stratosphere, but you’re headed in the wrong direction, dummy. Gym's thattaway.”
Butch DeLoria. Of course he’d stay put while he waited for his girlfriend to finish spiffing herself up. He probably didn’t dare do anything else.
She wanted to just ignore him, but knew from past experience that doing so only made him more aggressive and obnoxious. He’d loathed her since they were eight years old and had never shied away from letting her know it. They’d been in the third grade, learning about inches and rulers and the like and, as partners, they’d been asked to measure each other. That was the day she realized she already had an inch on him and, consequently, it was the same day he started calling her names and pulling her hair whenever he could get away with it.
Being only 5’6” put him on the shorter side for most of the men in the vault, but that had never seemed to bother him as much as her being taller than him had. Both of his obnoxious best friends were taller, in fact. He still palled around with them and had a great time.
It was just Sunny and her ridiculous height that seemed to draw his ire.
She turned her head enough to acknowledge him politely and tried to look as blasé and unbothered as she could. “Thank you, but I’m not going to the dance.”
The cocky grin on his face immediately dimmed down into a confused scowl, “What?”
“I said I’m…” Her breath stuttered slightly and she swallowed a sob down. Nope. Nope nope nope. Admitting it out loud again was definitely going to be too much. “Have a nice night.”
“So you just get all dolled up and shit every time you need to use the bathroom or somethin’?”
She ignored his question and just nodded, “Goodbye.” She hurried away but was still near enough to hear him speak to Susie as she came out.
“Hey. What the fuck’s wrong with Poindexter?”
“Who? Oh, you mean Sunny? I dunno, she seemed fine to me.”
Great. The gossip was already starting. She was oh so excited for all the pitying glances and hushed whispers that would be following her after tonight. At least until some new drama caught everyone’s attention. Class was going to be so awkward on Monday, but at least they’d be graduating soon. Then Freddie could go get lost in the maintenance tunnels for all she cared and she could stay happily ensconced in the clinic with her dad and Jonas. As God intended.
Wait, that wasn’t nice. God surely would never intend for Freddie to get lost anywhere. That wasn’t a very charitable thing to think.
The rest of Sunny’s night passed by slower than she’d ever thought possible. She got home, got undressed, carefully put her dress and shoes back in their respective boxes before shoving them under the bed where she’d never, ever have to see them again. Her plan was to just lay down and cry herself to sleep, but sleep just wouldn’t come.
Maybe Freddie hadn’t ever been the one, but he’d been the first. She’d thought that would mean something, but it didn’t. The first boy to ever look at her and see something other than a freakishly tall, gawky nerd, or so she’d hoped. First boy she’d ever held hands with or kissed or let touch her under her vaultsuit. She was just glad she hadn’t gone all the way with him yet, though she’d been planning on it. Maybe even for tonight, as was tradition.
Some girls waited until promise rings were exchanged or they were pinned, but she’d felt like she could trust Freddie so she’d been willing to set aside that requirement. But now that she knew better, it was horrifying how close she’d been to making such a huge mistake. He hadn’t actually liked her at all. Not for a single day of their relationship. She was just a placeholder. A substitute for the girl he really wanted. The girl he’d always wanted, apparently, and Sunny had just been too happily naïve to notice.
So just add dumb as a stump to her endless list of flaws.
Her father was right though. Time waited for no one and eventually her morning alarm went off. It was Saturday, so technically she could have slept in, but she hadn’t ever done it before and she wasn't going to let somebody like Freddie change her routine. After all, she’d only been keeping the same schedule since she was five.
Sunny got dressed and poked her head out of her room. A note on the fridge let her know her dad was already back in the clinic, so that was a relief. Now she could put off talking about everything with him until lunch, at least. Teeth brushed and hair kept at bay with a headband, she headed out to the diner for breakfast. It was completely empty when she arrived, which was weird for a Saturday, but then she realized most people were probably still sleeping off the night before.
Andy wordlessly passed her the usual tray of oatmeal and coffee and she flopped down in a booth with a sigh.
She felt silly for being so down in the dumps. It wasn’t even that her heart was broken or anything. She was just tired of being her. Tired of always being the one to roll over for everyone else. Tired of always feeling compelled to keep the peace at all costs.
If Susie Mack had been in her shoes last night, Freddie Gomez would be lucky to be alive. Christine would have gone completely hysterical and made a scene so spectacular that no girl would touch him with a ten foot pole. Janice would have, at the very least, slapped the taste out of his mouth. Even Amata would have taken him to task for being so dense and thoughtlessly cruel.
But not her. Oh, no. She’d just raised the white flag and smiled at him until he went away. Same thing she did for all of life’s little problems.
She didn’t get it. Her dad was known for having a spine of steel and an obstinate streak a mile wide. He argued back against the Overseer of all people on an almost daily basis. From everything she’d heard, her mother had at least been passionate and gentle in equal measure. Both of her parents were strong, intelligent, ambitious kind of people… then there was her.
Maybe she was adopted or something.
“Savvy-Cat!”
She blanched but smiled through that, too. “Hey, Amata.”
Her friend’s pretty hazel eyes were, for once, almost impossible for her to read. Concerned, yes, but there was something else there, too. “Are you… you don’t look… uh…”
She shrugged and ate another bite of bland goop. “I’m fine.”
“Are you… oh, thank you, Andy.” She accepted her own tray and sat down across from her. “Are you sure?”
“M’hmm.”
“Freddie said you told him to go for it, so I --”
“Amata, it’s fine.”
“It’s just, you didn’t show up at all and I know how excited you’d been for the dance and --”
Her smile twisted just a bit, “Kind of hard to be excited for a dance when you don’t have a partner to dance with.”
Amata searched her face, “Are you sure that’s all it was? You’re not mad or --”
“Why would I be mad?”
“‘Cause… I mean, I’d be mad.”
She nodded, “I know.”
“If you don’t want me to go out with him, then I won’t. I swear I won’t. I’ll go right now and tell him to go get bent.”
Sunny shook her head, “No, that’s okay. Thanks though.”
She sighed, “Are you sure that you’re --”
“I’m okay. I really am. You should eat your oatmeal before it gets cold.”
“Okay…” She was still clearly suspicious but finally took a bite of her breakfast.
“So… did you have a nice time?”
Her eyes sparkled and it made Sunny sad to see her friend trying to hold herself back just to spare her feelings. “It was... y’know, alright. Most of it, anyway.”
She’d obviously had a great time. Probably danced the night away and felt like a princess. Freddie wasn’t the playboy type like Paulie had been and she was glad for it. He’d treat her right. Even take care of her until the day he died if she let him.
She’d bet a whole week’s worth of dessert rations that he’d already kissed her the first chance he got.
“I’m glad. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you in your dress. It was so pretty.”
She actually blushed a little and giggled, “Freddie said I looked like a golden goddess.”
“I bet.” She sipped her coffee, “So who was prom queen?”
“Oh.” Amata scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Susie Mack. Naturally.”
Sunny laughed a little and it was easier than she’d thought it would be. “Naturally.”
“You should have seen her when they put that stupid plastic crown on her big, empty head. We're all lucky we didn't die being smothered by that giant ego of hers. I bet she even slept in the damn thing.”
She snorted quietly into her mug, “If all those rumors going around are true, I’d be shocked if Butch let her sleep at all.”
“Oh, he wouldn’t have been a factor there. Nope. Not after he went nuts and security had to drag him out.”
“What?!”
“Yeah! Oh, yeah! Just ruined the whole dance for everybody!” She huffed and folded her arms. “Big jerk. I mean, it was basically the end but still!”
“What on earth happened?!”
“I dunno!” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “I dunno what’s wrong with him. One minute, everyone’s having a nice time. Susie had her crown. The music wasn’t completely awful. People were dancing and mingling like they were supposed to. Picture perfect, right?”
That must have been nice to experience firsthand. “Right.”
“And then!
Then!
Out of nowhere! One second, I’m being twirled and the next, I’m on the floor!”
“Whoa, what?! He pushed you?!”
“No, he punched Freddie! I was just collateral damage.”
“He what?!”
“Oh, yeah! Just bam! Dropped him like a sack of potatoes! Then he just sorta, I dunno, tackled him there on the floor and kept hitting him. It all happened so fast. I didn’t know what to do! Susie was screaming. I was screaming. Freddie was… well, he’d had the wind knocked out of him, but he definitely would’ve been screaming if he’d been able to. Wally and some of the other guys had to pull them apart and then before anyone could say anything, my father and Officer Mack dragged him away to the drunk tank. Shocker, right?” She blew a raspberry. “So I took Freddie to the clinic and your dad patched him up. I asked him what he’d done to piss him off but he had no idea. I mean, he practically worships Butch, right? What could he have possibly done to set him off like that?!”
“I have no idea.” She blinked owlishly as she tried to think of anything Freddie had done or said in the past few weeks other than be overly obsequious in Butch’s presence, but there was nothing. “How bizarre.”
“He’s unhinged. I’ve been saying it for years! It’s only a matter of time before he kills somebody.”
“No doubt.” She shuddered at the idea of all that muscle and temper coming at you like a freight train and figured living this particular experience vicariously through her friend definitely had its perks. “Is Freddie okay?”
“Oh, he’ll be fine. Your dad said he just needs some rest.”
“Oh, good.”
“He was worried about you. Your dad, I mean.” She pouted at her, “I think he’s kinda mad at me and Freddie, to be honest. He was a little rough with the anesthetic there when he had to set Freddie’s nose.”
“Why would he be mad at you?”
“I think he thinks I stole your boyfriend.”
“Oh. Oh, goodness.” She shook her head, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go talk to him first thing after breakfast and explain everything.”
“Thanks, Sav. You’re a peach.”
“I wonder what’s really wrong with Butch though. It’s not really like him wreck a party, right?”
“Did you forget him beating you up on your tenth? Ugh, see? I knew you had a concussion. Nobody listens to me!”
Sunny chuckled, “No, I was just… I mean like a real party. That’s weird. I hope everything’s okay there.”
Amata rolled her eyes, “Everything hasn’t been okay there in a long, long, long time. Anyway, who cares? He’s a jerk. Don’t waste your time trying to unravel that knot. You really are too nice, y’know? I’ve been saying that for ages, too.”