Chapter Text
They were careful. Or at least they thought they were careful. Perhaps it was the adrenaline of finally ridding Hydra and the end of the world that made them slip, and their reputation burned to the ground before the eyes of the Western world. Not even those in the SSR could save them for the punishment before them.
The act itself was harmless, least in Steve's eyes. Had it been with a man and a woman, the world would've hollered in happiness that Captain America was finally instilling the American ideals. Yet when the officer who had taken a picture of them in the embrace of one another from the next building across with the sliver of the curtains open, those cheers turned to jeers and screams for their hanging. In the happiness of surviving the war, they become criminals in the eyes of the people they protected.
It was being submerged in the Arctic once again, as they dragged him and Bucky to their commanding officer. News broke out like wildfire, whoever saw them that day, leaked it to the newspaper, and Philip Chester was forced to give the two blue tickets. Neither honorable, nor dishonorable, they were considered psychopaths, sex perverts in the name of the law. With the war over, many even called for the military to enact sodomy laws and have them criminally charged.
The fact Captain America was queer, became the biggest topic of the world. Steve and Bucky couldn't hide from the world, especially now the people's scorn. No one needed enhanced hearing to hear the people screaming from the top of their lungs asking for death penalties. Though there were small protest, the vast amount of people calling for a trial rose to the point where the two were arrested, before they even stepped out of the military camp.
The amount of weaponry used was astounding, as if they were scared Steve would lash out in some crazed madness. It allowed for him to be ignored from the people, at least when he was in front of them. Bucky faced the brute force of it, with things being thrown at him, spit flung. If the handcuffs creaked under his care, the guards said nothing. They were tried and found guilty, it was unsurprising considering the evidence staring at them in court. However as much as the judge wanted to punish them equally, Steve had been Captain America, he was the only super soldier. For his "good service," the judge ruled for Steve to be admitted to a hospital to be "treated" for his mental illness. Should he be "cured" all charges will be dropped, and Steve would be allowed to return to active duty.
Steve wasn't stupid. Just because he became a monkey for the USO once, doesn't make him a puppet. He knew what this ruling meant. Steve was to be "cured" whether he liked it or not. It was damage control by the government, who needed Steve to fight their wars. Who to blame for "causing" Captain America to be queer? It is obviously the one who grew up with him from childhood, Bucky Barnes.
It spread like wildfire, not even the SSR could anticipate what the government would do to ensure Steve- no, rather Captain America would stay in good popularity. Papers wrote all about how Bucky coerced Steve into a sexual relationship from a young age, praying on his boyish looks and small body. How his mother knew no better that the nice boy who took care of Steve was no different than a sexual predator. How Bucky acted like a gentleman but was a womanizer that took advantage of their trust. Steve was appalled that fake victims even came out to speak out, men and women both, most likely paid by the government Bucky had protected. Soon Bucky's name was scorned. Steve couldn't hear James Barnes without the tarnishing words of deranged, pedophilic, rapist.
Bucky was a gentleman. He helped Steve when all he wanted at the time was to fight his own battles, be alone against bullies. Before Captain America, it was Steve and Bucky. Now he lost it all in the matter of weeks. Steve hasn't even seen Bucky once, not since they were taken.
Peggy was his informant about the trial against Bucky. The only reason they even let her visit him, was the prospect that Steve could become "good" again with increased interactions with his fellow female co-worker. Bucky was charged criminally, with the added newspaper stories, the Barnes family couldn't even go to the trial, not with the burning hate of humanity. Peggy managed to support Bucky from afar in the courtroom, amidst the yelling. Bucky was found guilty and sentenced to hard labor for a minimum of 3 years, the remaining 12 years will be in prison under psychiatric care to "cure" him. There was a lot of uproar, about how they should leave Bucky to rot in prison, to have him work until he his skin and bones showed. Steve felt sick upon hearing how Bucky had a dead look in his eye, even as he stared at his longtime friend Peggy. Bucky had lost hope, and he believes he will die before the sentence is over, never seeing Steve again.
If Peggy was alarmed by his tears, she didn't say. She only murmured soft words as Steve's body shook against the pain in his chest. Never had he felt so small, even with this strength, he was weak, and was losing Bucky. Steve could only stare numbly at the reinforced cuffs on his legs and arms, ironically made by Stark. Peggy tried to reassure him that she will get Bucky and him out. Yet Steve felt lost, he has seen man at its worst to achieve what they want, he knew the battle here will be much different than any on the fields of Europe. This was a fight Steve didn't know how to fight, and the opposing side was determined to win.
~~~
JAMES B. BARNES A SEXUAL FIEND
By: Robert Smith
Upon Barnes' arrest, several allegations have arisen regarding the man's behavior. Many have begun to wonder if his previous behavior was an act to hide his fiendish behavior. While Barnes has always been seen as the good gentleman caring for Rogers and being respectable to every dame he's met. Following the revelations of Barnes' being queer, the picture of the ideal gentleman falls under scrutiny.
Though much of Captain America's identity remains a secret, we know Captain America or Rogers as written in the court case, was a frail boy as a child. Rogers was assumed to only have one friend due to his health, which was Barnes. Captain Rogers and Barnes had even lived together. While it may seem innocent, Barnes could've taken Roger's moment of vulnerability and conditioned the boy into a sexual relationship. Rogers was small, almost boyish, he had no support system and was swept away by Barnes.
Though the Howling Commandos and the SSR refuse to comment on the Barnes' arrest, many individuals who knew Barnes have come forward about their thoughts. One woman who was apparently their neighbour spoke about Barnes fiendish behaviour as he "made sure [Rogers] never left the apartment while he went out with the nearest dame." Another woman came forward to talk about her experience with Barnes, stating he made her uncomfortable and touched her in unspeakable ways.
With all these allegations coming through many are beginning to wonder how Barnes was even allowed in the army, as well as if Barnes was let off too easily because of his service. Protests have become a constant in the streets as people against Barnes, for the army to completely discharge him dishonourable, some even ask for Barnes to get the electric chair for his crimes [...]
~~~
Steve is taken to a military hospital near Brooklyn. So close to home, yet the name now holds dark memory as he hears people yell at the top of their lungs about how Bucky was the worst man in history. It was clear no one knew he was supposed to be here, those that do are forced to sign an NDA to make sure Project Rebirth is never known, as well as what really happened to Steven Grant Rogers.
So far, the doctors have left him in this white room. It’s clear that they have no reinforced room for him as they keep him locked tight in cuffs at the wrists and ankles. The thick cuffs left no room for Steve to even move his joints. If Steve didn't know any better, he would've thought they had gotten more vibranium with how strong the metal was.
The room was silent and had the same harsh smell Steve grew accustomed to from the day he was born. He hated the hospital, even with his mother as a nurse, he hated how artificial and disconnected the hospital was. They reminded him of how weak and ill he was as Bucky and his ma stared at him on the bed as he felt like he was dying. The way nurses and doctors would come in and give him looks of pity in the barren room. Even with all those people coming, he felt alone in a place filled with death. He never thought he would return after getting the serum, but this time he has returned for a much different cause.
Mental illness. Recently queers or fairies as the people outside scream out, were put under as a mental disorder similar to Dementia Praecox, A.D.D. It doesn't take a genius to know how people viewed the mentally ill. As much as America praises themselves for being better, people with mental illness were viewed as invalids. Being mentally ill was as bad as being born with a physical defect, and Steve knew what they did to them. Especially when Steve came out of the hospital one day with this mother crying and apologizing for not giving him a healthy body. Steve never knew until he grew older, and the idea of eugenics was introduced to his mind. This large-scale project to sterilize the "invalids" solidified this idea to Steve. Those that are different are hated by society.
For all his struggles as a disabled man growing up, Steve feared something more. He had a neighbour once; his name was Stanley. The man was kind to Steve in an understanding way, but he has moments where he would talk to someone that wasn't there. Sometimes it was worse, and he would enter a manic episode. His family treated him like a bomb waiting to blow, and the man was lonely. Steve knew the man just needed help in a way no one could give, but Steve tried. He had even brought Bucky over as the three of them talked about mundane things. One day was very bad, as Bucky had to hold Stanley down so he wouldn't hurt himself. It was awful, Steve could remember feeling helpless watching the man suffer as Bucky tried to calm him down. The next day Stanley was gone, rumor has it he was taken for psychiatric care.
Mental health was still an unknown. Some call it demonic possession, another a helpless cause. Steve swears by the fact doctors just wanted them to stop being different. So, Stanley came home, a shell of the man that he was, devoid of emotion. Lobotomy is what they called it. Scrambled his brains like scrambled eggs, to make him "normal." It wasn't Stanley anymore. He never talked, speak, or laughed. It terrified Steve to the point where he came home that night and held Bucky so tight as they shook in each other’s arms.
There is no cure.
Steve sat here knowing he might not be the same man Bucky loved so dearly. Selfishly, Steve almost wished he went to prison instead. Physical pain was something he could withstand; this was a new territory he didn't think he would win.
The door opens breaking his thoughts. A woman stepped out cladded in a familiar white coat, reminiscent of his days as a child wondering if he will die this time. She prompts her glasses up as she took Steve in. She didn't show anything on her face besides professional interest regarding Steve's case.
"Good morning Mr. Rogers. I will get straight to the point considering you know exactly what the problem is here," she drawls out as she stares at her clipboard. "The government wants their only super soldier so we are tasked to treat you until you can return to active duty. Senator Brandt has told me to tell you that you will not have to worry about your reputation following this case as he works tirelessly to make sure Captain America remains Captain ‘America.’"
Steve tightens his fists but decides to keep his mouth shut as the woman stares at him like a caged animal. She clears her throat and continues, "we will begin to cure you by a method called aversion therapy. This is commonly used to cure similar cases, so we will start from here. In a moment a nurse will come in and provide you with some medications as well as hook you up to a heartrate monitor. Don’t worry, we have changed the dosage to work with your body. I hope you won’t cause any problems Mr. Rogers.”
As she walked away, Steve glared distastefully at her. Almost as if to spite her, Steve made it his goal to make it difficult for her. Who said Steve wanted to be cured? There wasn’t anything wrong with him. Yet the fear crept up like a snake, as he imagines Stanley and his dead eyes. Steve could only pray to God that Bucky wouldn’t suffer the same thing.
Minutes passed and soon Steve was strapped with a heart rate monitor. The nurse had to assist him with the medication as they kept him in restraints. Of course he resisted, but he was stuck at an impasse as the nurse looked pleadingly to stop. Steve eventually relented, not wanting to cause problems to the nurse, as she reminded him of his own mother who tried her best to make ends meet.
Strangely the nurse didn’t leave, she stayed by his side and held a bucket in her hands shakily. A doctor then entered the room in loud strides. It wasn’t the same lady as before, but rather it was a rather short man with a comb over. “Mr. Rogers. I’m sure you’ve met my colleague Dr. Anderson; you can call me Dr. Steward. Behaviour aversion therapy is quite simple, we will train your brain to hate something by creating negative feelings in relation to the stimulus. We are keeping the heart monitor over the course of a period to monitor a decrease in sexual attraction to men. Let’s hope for both of our sakes things go smoothly.”
Steve could feel dread rise as he began to comprehend the words. The doctor only glanced lazily as he took in Steve’s increasing heart rate. Steve decided to bite back, ignoring the way his stomach churned, “what makes you think you can cure me?! That I even want to be cured?” Steve was angry. Angry at being caught, angry about having to hide loving Bucky, and even more angry seeing the doctors stare at him like a roach.
Dr. Steward was unimpressed, “your file did say you were stubborn to the point of reckless. But you’re not the first to say that Captain- no you’ve been discharged, Mr. Rogers. In here you’re just a man. A man who is deluded into thinking you like men. You’re christian Rogers, you should know homosexuality is a sin. It’s wrong and you’re too stubborn to understand that. Not many others like you get the chance to change, be grateful of this opportunity.”
Steve spat in his face in retaliation.
The nurse next to him was stunned as she drew in a gasp as the doctor wiped his face with a cloth. “You are making it more difficult for yourself Rogers. I will make you Captain again,” he said confidently.
Steve wanted to yell out again, but his words were caught in his throat as he began to grow ill, his stomach disagreeing. The doctor gestured to the woman as she brought the bucket in front of him as she returned to her position as if to make sure he didn’t lash out. While staring at the bucket, Steve realized what exactly they were doing to him. He tried to get up to push the doctor, the nauseating feeling was growing stronger.
The doctor then pulled out a pile of photos, each of various men in a state of undress. Steve tried to look away, but the doctor continued to force the images in his face. For a moment, he was reminded of Bucky returning to their dingy apartment after a long day at work at the docks. He was shirtless because of the grime of the boatyard and was going to shower until he saw Steve on the bed clutching a pillow. He could imagine the comforting words as Bucky held him as his stomach disagreed with whatever food Steve ate. Even in all his grime, Bucky’s warmth was a blanket of comfort. One Steve wished right now as he felt sickness for the first time after getting the serum. Eventually the need to vomit grew too much, as the images of men engraved into his mind, and he vomited all his food into the bucket. The nauseous feeling didn’t leave him, and he felt just as bad as when he had the flu and his stomach kept trying to empty his stomach even though there was nothing but spit left.
Steve could feel their gaze on him as those images returned to his view, and bile rose.
~~~
A Heartbreaking Look into the Life of Steven G. Rogers
By: Aleksandr Ivanov
During Captain Steve Rogers admittance to a psychiatric hospital, he wrote numerous letters addressed to Margret “Peggy” Carter. In reality these messages were actually for Rogers’ lover, James Buchanan Barnes. How these letters stayed hidden could be accounted for by both Carter and the nurse in charge of Rogers during his attendance. Mrs. Carter never mentioned the discrepancy of the letter, and even acted as if Rogers told her something in the letter when she visited. The nursing staff was also presumed to have been ignorant about the written letters as it was addressed to Carter, except for the head nurse. Following the death of Rogers, the head nurse who wishes to remain anonymous, spoke to Mrs. Carter about reading letters as per her job, but decided to let it through. According to Mrs. Carter’s interview, the head nurse pitied Rogers and had allowed for messaging between the two men. Though it was revealed the messages were never received by Barnes as the man died before being released. The letters remained in Mrs. Carters care until today where they were donated to the Smithsonian, and its content were finally revealed to the world after 70 years.
There are 7 letters in total, with the letters getting more depressing and incoherent as they go. By the last letter, Rogers’ writing is unclear, and his writing is distressed and messy. The curators have suspected this is due to the prolonged use of electroshock therapy, causing tremors in his hands. Though most tremors are temporary, it is most likely Rogers; wrote his last letter following his therapy, as he tries to write what he remembered.
It is both heartbreaking and eye-opening reading Rogers’ letters after 70 years. Carter gave a comment that she wanted the world to understand the horrors America has done and why Captain America stands a man above all, a man who wanted to protect the weak.
Below provided are the letters photographed by the museum. It is suggested that people read the content warning before reading the letters as they contain serious topics that many will find distressing.
Letter 1.
Dear Peggy,
I hope you will accept my apology. I am writing to you under false pretenses and hope that you will understand why. I do not know if you will be able to retrieve this letter under the director of the hospital. But if you do, please keep this letter for me. Or rather for B—. For all the optimism you hold, I fear I will not be the same man coming out of this place. Let the letters I write serve as my possible goodbye but also a way to tell you I’m with you until the end of the line, even if the world is against us.
As of now, I cannot trust my stomach. I am in a constant state of nauseousness with their medications. I never thought that I could feel sick even after the serum, but here I am, as sick as I was in ’30. Do you remember that year? God I thought I was going to die that year, couldn’t keep anything down. Everything was a hazy mess, but I remember ma and you crying that all I could hear in my sleep was your sorrow. I even remember you praying so devoutly to make sure I would live; it was heartwarming yet heartbreaking. As I’m here I pray to God I can see you again. I want to remember the way your eyes sparkle at those stupid jokes, and the sound of your obnoxious laugh. Yet I am here. I feel sick and every time I stand those black spots appear just as before. Never thought Captain America could faint, but with the number of times I vomited I’m starting to see why.
I’m scared B—. I’m being conditioned to puke at the sight of a man in undress. Even without medications, I can feel my stomach churn and the bile come up. I’m scared they will show me photos of you, and then all I could do looking at your face is vomit. I wish I fought for us, god I should’ve tried, yet I didn’t. I couldn’t hurt those people just trying to live, hell we’ve probably done some bad stuff to make ends meet. You always said I was too selfless sometimes. But I am always selfish with you, I shouldn’t have asked that day. If I just waited as you said perhaps, I would be seeing you in our mucky apartment rather than these white walls. We lived through the battlefields of a World War, yet our own country is the most dangerous place.
I miss you every day and hope to see you soon.
I owe you a dance Peggy.
Love,
Steve Rogers
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