Chapter Text
Never in his life had he imagined a series of events in which he could be called to gain such a breadth of knowledge on the subject of mermaids and theater and the intersection of the two in such a short period of time. But that was life now. It was his life now, and his priority ever since Kim had named him the supplementary legal guardian for Makayla .
Of course it was a position he hoped to never actually be called into, at least not in an official capacity, but he had meant every word he said when he accepted it. He was all in and nothing would change that. Adam Ruzek had been all in on Kim Burgess for as long as he could remember. A decade of his life spent in pursuit of that woman’s safety and happiness, to varying degrees and intensities but as constant as his heartbeat nonetheless. Agreeing to take care of Kim’s adopted child wasn’t just the selfless, noble thing to do because he loved Makayla so much as her own person. It was the easiest choice he’s ever made because she was an extension of Kim, and there was never going to be a world where he turned down an opportunity to look out for her. And now that “her” was two people.
Which is what had made the last four months so exhausting. He wasn’t just worried about one person, the love of his life. He wasn’t just trying to be the best version of himself for one person. He wasn’t just trying to forge the path forward for himself and one other person. Now all of that was doubled. Because as much as he loved Kim, each year more so than he would have ever imagined possible as a young man, it all paled in comparison to the all encompassing awe that foster parenthood brought him.
He rolled over and blearily stole a glance at his phone, breathing a sigh of relief that not only was it a rare day off for him, but that Kevin had Makayla for a sleepover so he could truly sleep in. Or whatever “sleep in” looked liked on a futon in your ex-fiancée’s small office. It was not the epitome of restfulness on its best day, let alone while also managing the care of a school-aged child with extensive emotional needs and the medical care of a traumatized woman he was deeply in love with, but there was nowhere he’d rather be. The way he saw it, he was fortunate to even get to be in their lives.
Which is what he was pondering when he heard the scream. Being awakened by screams was nothing new over the past few months, either Kim’s or Makayla’s. They had both been through more than any human being could possibly deserve, let alone anyone as genuine and kind as them. It hurt his heart the way night terrors now plagued them both but it was not without reason.
It wasn’t always easy to tell but given that Makayla was with Kevin until after school, this time he knew it was Kim.
The route from half or completely asleep in the office to wide awake at Kim’s door was one he could make in less than five seconds and did so again today. Adam was in the doorway in a flash, hovering just at the threshold. He waited in suspended panic, trying to allow a couple seconds to determine the level of alarm warranted before making himself known. A few seconds of silence were enough before he tapped gently on the door with a knuckle, hoping to not startle her.
“Kim, it’s just me darlin’.” He tried to pitch it low and easy, as comforting and passive as he knew how. Anyone who could have ever accused him of not grasping de-escalation, and there were many, really should have seen him over these past few months. “Everything ok in there?”
More silence stretched on the other side and he started to worry something was seriously wrong when he heard the response, a soft and weak, “I’m fine.”
He shifted from foot to foot outside the door in the ensuing silence, mapping out the best case scenario for how the next couple minutes would go. It was not easy navigating these conversations these days, finding the place where he was helpful but not condescending, present but not overbearing, and most of all comforting but not affectionate. That just wasn’t his role anymore, no matter how much every part of him was drawn towards it.
“Ok I’m…I’m sure you are,” he stuttered. “I just wanted to kind of, you know…verify that.” As soon as it was out he cringed—verify that?—but it was the best he could come up with barely out of a deep sleep.
“You don’t have to stay partitioned out there,” Kim retorted after another moment. “You can come in.”
It was something he tried to approach with particular delicacy since the beginning of this uneasy arrangement. Kim’s bedroom was her safe space, her singular place to feel completely comfortable and peaceful and independent. Not to mention that the connotation of spending too much time in her bedroom, especially given their propensity during better times to “sleep together every few months” as Kim had put it, was one he wanted to avoid with a wide berth. The reality was that they were not together and never would be again in that way so the way Adam saw it, the more physical reminders of that the better.
He was never one to turn her down in a moment of need though and creaked the door open. A quiet sigh of relief passed over that she didn’t look any the worse for wear than normal and not in immediate signs of distress. Nights took a lot out of her, between the physical struggle to get comfortable and the mental anguish of being isolated and haunted by her own mind and this morning was no different. He could read the insomnia and lingering terror from whatever hellish dream she experienced this time still written plainly on her face. The dark circles under her bloodshot eyes and gauze still peaking out from under her shirt were just more reminders neither of them needed.
Adam lingered yet again, unsure what exactly he was to do now that he was no longer “partitioned.”
“Get any rest last night?” He asked.
“Just small bursts off and on,” she mumbled back. “It’s like I have this internal clock and after a certain point, I either wake up or have a nightmare but I can never just continue sleeping.”
“Well Kevin is taking Makayla right to school from his place so the rest of the day is yours to try to rest, if you want it. I can handle everything else.”
“Adam,” she called as he had begun retreating out of the room. “I actually would like to rest, I really need it, physically and mentally.” She wrung her hands anxiously in her lap, already contemplating how bad of an idea this truly was. “If it’s not too much to put on you…could you just lie with me for a few minutes? I think sometimes just the isolation is a trigger.”
Adam also thought this sounded like perhaps a very bad idea for the sake of their long-term boundaries but there was never a world that would see him say no to a request like that. Selfishly it also soothed him to get any physical touch he could from her, reassuring himself that she was still alive and in his life. And this was twice now he had known the devastating helplessness and self-loathing of being unable to protect or help her in the most life-threatening situations, so any opportunity to feel remotely useful to her was also one he would always jump at.
“Whatever you want, Darlin’. It’s never too much,” he murmured sliding into bed next to her as she lay her head very hesitantly on his shoulder. He kept his hands to himself mostly, letting her set the pace completely. Some things would never change.
He wasn’t sure if any sleep was coming for either of them, or any rest for that matter. He had learned those were not always the same thing. But for right now they were together, in the literal sense, and that was comfort enough.