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Aaron keeps walking up and down in the kitchen, his mobile lies on the counter, the text from Robert still glowing on it.
‘Can’t make it tonight, Chrissie planned a night out’
Aaron knows that this is how it will always be, he knows he is the second fiddle here, but still it gnaws on him. It’s gotten worse since he admitted to Patty that he is in love with that dipshit. Damn he doesn’t even know how that happened. Well, no, that’s not true, he knows how that happened, he knows that Robert’s ego had a pull on him from the moment he was storming into the garage to get his Audi back. And he might have thought that he was a horrible person then, but he was never blind to the fact that he was good looking and he can’t explain it, but there is always a charge in the air when they are in the same room.
But this all doesn’t matter, he is going to marry Chrissie, who is a lovely person and doesn’t even deserve the fact that Aaron wants Robert to just stand her up for once.
With a last look at Robert’s text, Aaron grabs his jacket and leaves, finally making a decision that might be halfway to being healthy.
Two hours later he leans against the bar waiting for his third pint watching the crowd. It’s nice to be here, he always feels a bit like home, like he is finally amongst peers. The couples lean on each other, into each other’s space, laughing, sharing stories and just enjoying the closeness without having to fear strange looks.
Aaron feels the familiar tuck on his heart, he wants that too and it’s just so stupid, he is finally at a place in his life where he could be right for someone else, stable, not ashamed, not destructive, but he had the horrible luck to fall in love with someone as messed up as Robert.
He can’t help the sigh that escapes him, because even if he likes being here, without Robert he still feels lonely.
“Hi, what has a handsome guy like you sighing like this?”
A guy next to him asks, giving him an appreciative onceover. Aaron returns the favour, the guy is a bit young, but good looking and definitely interested if the lingering look he gave him was any indication.
“Not important, you here with your friends?”
Trying something new, that is what Paddy always wants him to do, so he is, trying something new. Even if the polite smile he gives his vis-à-vis doesn’t sit completely right with him.
“Yeah, they are over there.”
The guy nods over to a table, where two guys and a girl quickly turn their heads away from them when they see Aaron looking. He has to honestly smile at that, it’s nice to have friends, who are that engaged in your flirt attempts.
“And you don’t want to go back to them?” hinting at the beer that he already has in his hand.
The guy blushes, he is really kinda cute.
“Well you looked lonely here and I thought I could give you some company if you like. My name is Ryan by the way.”
Ryan stretches his hand out and Aaron takes it, letting it linger just a bit, so that Ryan can get the idea.
“Nice to meet you Ryan. I’m Aaron.”
Ryan smiles, obviously happy with the developments, Aaron can see his mates cheering silently from the corner of his eyes.
“Cool, so again, why were you staring into the crowd like it personally offended you?”
“Was I?” Aaron says a bit defensively, he can’t remember doing that, he only knows that he was thinking about Robert and… well okay that could have given off the wrong impression.
“Yeah and I have to admit even if it’s a good look on you, your smile suits you better.”
He can’t help the snort that escapes him, such cheesy pick up lines, what Robert would think about… No not thinking about Robert now.
And he doesn’t, he concentrates on Ryan and they talk about nothing important, it’s pleasant small talk. Maybe Aaron would like to opt out at some points during the conversation and maybe he already forgot what this new amazing job even was that Ryan was now talking about, but it’s not like these details are important, what is important, is the fact, that Ryan has a good body and is attracted to Aaron and that they can have fun for a night and that maybe if he kisses him hard enough later on he’ll forget Robert’s lips on him and how empty they feel when he isn’t there.
It’s 1am when they decide to leave the pub and make their way to Ryan’s flat, who lives, luckily enough, in walking distance.
Aaron is pleasantly tipsy and can laugh at Ryan’s jokes, even if he might not find them as funny as he lets on.
He gives Ryan one of his few honest smiles when the boy almost trips over himself in his attempt to make engaging conversation.
A moment later his smile falls of his face.
“What are you doing here?” comes Robert’s surprised and slightly accusing question.
A step behind him Chrissie comes up, dressed for a night out, smiling apologetically and quite drunk at Aaron.
“Robert, I think it’s obvious what he is doing here, and I think we should leave him and his friend alone.”
She goes on to grab his hand and tries to walk away from them, but Robert doesn’t budge. He is still staring at Aaron. Ryan is looking slightly confused.
“I had nothing better to do, and Ryan offered me some damn good company.” Aaron says in a flat voice that doesn’t betray any kind of negative emotion, but doesn’t sound happy either.
At the mention of Ryan’s name Robert’s eyes wander over him and his mouth forms a sneer.
“This boy? Really? What could he offer you?”
Aaron isn’t sure what Robert is getting on here, maybe he is drunk, because he shouldn’t talk like this in front of Chrissie. Ryan is already looking suspicious between them.
Aaron puts his hand on Roberts shoulder and says softly, “I think you had a bit too much to drink, go home with your fiancé and let’s talk another time.”
Chrissie nods fiercely and just wants to say something when Robert not moving his gaze from Aaron says, “And you, you’ll go back and fuck this twink in the ass?”
Chrissie gasps, “Robert! What’s going on with you tonight? You have been moody the whole time and now you’re homophobic too?”
Aaron can barely control the smile about the fact that Robert wasn’t happy to not see him either and Ryan murmurs lowly, “I really don’t think that’s the problem here.”
Aaron gives him an apologetic look and just wants to thank him for his patience, when Robert grabs his shoulders and turns him to him.
“You don’t really want him, do you? Do you?” There is slight desperation in his voice and even if he kept his voice low so that Chrissie might not have heard him his pleading look speaks volumes.
Aaron has really no idea how to deal with this, no one ever accused him of being especially good in emotionally charged situation. And he is pretty sure there is no one here he has any reason to kick the living shit out of.
“Robert, you are drunk and your fiancée is here, you really shouldn’t do this now.”
Aaron almost whispers and he is sure that only Robert and Ryan can hear him.
Robert lets go of his shoulders and nods slowly.
One of his fake grins takes place on his face.
“Darling, could you please fetch us a cab, I think it would be best to try next to the Burger King, I’ll be right there, I just need to apologize to Aaron and his little friend.”
Chrissie gives him a suspicious look but goes, happy enough to finally find a cab in her inebriated state. She walks off slightly wobbly, Robert following her with his eyes until she is around the corner, as soon as she is out of sight, he steps into Aaron’s personal space completely ignoring Ryan and says, “I don’t want you to fuck him, I know it would be completely fair and all, but I don’t want you to.”
Aaron swallows hard, he knows he shouldn’t even think of agreeing to this, but Robert looking at him like this makes his heart do crazy things and who is he kidding? The moment that he saw Robert he didn’t want to go to bed with anyone else tonight. But still he has to set an example, so he shakes his head.
“No, you can’t do this, you’ll go home and be with your soon-to-be wife and I shouldn’t even have fun for one night?”
Robert glances over at Ryan, distaste in his eyes as he looks at the still patient man.
“One night? Nothing more? Because I know you, you don’t do one night stands very well.”
Aaron pushes Robert away finally getting angry.
“What do you know? Just because we… whatever, doesn’t mean you know me.”
Robert gets up in his face, his eyes burning with passion, a passion he doesn’t let in too often. “Oh I know you! Come on who comes out and gets together with the first man he dates and don’t even act as if you wanted us to be a one night thing even for a moment, I saw the look in your eyes!”
“You know what, fuck you! I wasn’t the one coming back again, you were the one that couldn’t just let it be.”
They are looking at each other, both breathing heavily and both can feel the charge in the air and Aaron can see Robert’s eyes wandering to his lips. He knows what they would be doing, if they were anywhere else right now.
“Okay, that’s enough for me then, I’ll head of and by the way by what I can see I would guess you’re both completely gone for each other.”
They both look after Ryan, temporarily being shocked out of their argument.
Robert gains his composure first.
“Well then, you can come with us in the cab.”
Before Aaron can really protest Robert has his hand on his back and leads him to where Chrissie is waiting in a parked cab next to the Burger King.
She seems sleepy.
“Great you’re finally here, let’s just get home I want to toss these shoes in a corner.”
“Sure”, Robert says as he goes to sit in the cab, next to Chrissie, instantly telling the driver Aaron’s address.
When Aaron goes to sit inside too Robert gestures him to sit next to him.
“Don’t want you to get car sick now, do we?”
Aaron just nods, his throat going a bit dry as he sits in such close proximity to Robert, their thighs pressed together.
Chrissie is instantly closing her eyes and snuggling into her seat, Aaron can see how Robert gives her a provisory glance before he moves his body a bit closer to Aaron, which only means that now their whole sides touch. Robert places his hand on Aaron’s knee and slowly moves it upwards while leaning his head to the side, whispering into his ear, “Don’t you think that this is a better outcome for tonight than whatever you could have hoped for with that boy?”
Aaron wants to be mad, he wants to scream and he is furious but Robert’s hand keeps stroking his thigh and his lips are ghosting over his ear, it’s hard to concentrate on his anger like that.
“You mean getting sexually frustrated while your lovely fiancée is next to you?”, he says as lowly as Robert maybe with a bit more breathlessness to it.
Robert’s lips touch his ear now as he speaks, “Yes, because even that is better with me than something more with someone else.”
“You’re thinking a damn lot of yourself don’t you?”
“Maybe”, Robert smirks, knowing very well what he is doing when his tongue comes out to wet his lips and with that also Aaron’s ear.
They arrive way too soon at Aaron’s house. He jumps quickly out of the cab, he is so angry and so horny right now, he feels charged. Robert leaves the cab right after him telling the cab driver to wait for him around the corner. Chrissie is fast asleep.
As the cab leaves Aaron stares murder into Robert, if he would be just a bit more like he was when he was younger Robert would have gotten quite a few bruises by now oh how much he wants to punch him, but he doesn’t only want to do that unfortunately, and since punching shouldn’t be an option, he goes with the alternative.
He dives in and plants his lips on Robert’s, who doesn’t hesitate and for a moment they just kiss passionately, in the black night in front of Aaron’s house where anyone could see them.
They part slightly breathless, Aaron still as furious as before.
“Don’t look at me like that, I never forced you to do anything. That twink wasn’t even your type, anyway.”
“And what if he would have been, would you have let me walk off with him if you thought he was the right kind of guy for me then?”
Robert looks contemplative for a moment, not answering right away.
“Ah fuck of, go and get your wife to bed.”
“She isn’t my wife.”
“Not yet.”
They are silent for a moment just standing close, looking at anything but the other person.
“No I wouldn’t have let you, I don’t want you to be with anyone else. See now you have it I’m admitting that I’m fucking jealous.”
Aaron looks at him taken aback.
“And what should I do with that?”
Robert shrugs.
“I don’t know, frame it and hang it over your bed? I don’t care, I need to go now anyway.”
“Oh fuck you.” And he doesn’t even realize that he makes the decision to punch him until his fist connects with Robert’s face.
Strangely enough Robert doesn’t seem faced, he holds his cheek, which will be black and blue by tomorrow that is sure and nods slowly, “I guess I deserved that.”
This night is strange, Aaron doesn’t understand what is happening anymore.
What he understands is that Robert is standing in front of him looking vulnerable like shit and holding his bruised cheek and not being mad at him and not screaming at Aaron for something he should be screamed at for.
He looks to the ground, he can’t watch Robert being understanding anymore and murmurs, “Like you said, you should go.”
Robert lets out a long breath and starts to say something but interrupts himself and slowly turns and walks away.
Before he has made more than three steps, Aaron raises his head again and says quietly but so that Robert can hear him, “I’m sorry. I’m jealous too, you know?”
Robert turns just for a moment and nods, saying “I know”, before he leaves to get to his fiancée.
And that might be a word that Aaron should frame and hang over his bed.