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There were certain things about Han Juwon that Dongsik had only noticed until they had moved in together. Of course, he was well aware that there was something distinctly intimate about sharing the same space - but even more so when the more vulnerable part of Juwon, or the ones he usually kept masked and private were no longer something he could keep pressed down.
He'd tried hard at first to repress them, but eventually Dongsik had pointed it out and pressed.
"You don't seem happy," Dongsik had mumbled into Juwon's shoulder, holding him from behind as they sit on the couch, a crime documentary more like white noise and excuse for Juwon not look him in the face. "..Do you want to live seperately again?"
Juwon had been upfront that he was 'abnormal', his words not Dongsik's, that a relationship with him would look different. Dongsik hadn't minded and still didn't. But this was Juwon's happiness and comfortability, Dongsik would be content with anything Juwon wanted to offer him. And while the older man was over the moon that Juwon was comfortable enough to share a home with him, or even entertain the possibility, if Juwon was not happy he'd go back to Manyang or find a different apartment in Seoul in a heartbeat if it meant Juwon would relax again.
"It's not that," Juwon sighed, leaning back into Dongsik's arms and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Knowing he wasn't unhappy took a weight off of him. "I just, I'm too used to masking all the time. I can't let myself stim, or, echolalia. I just have the need to repress everything."
"You know I won't judge you right?" He asks carefully, arms still wrapped around him and Juwon puts his hand over one of Dongsik's.
"Of course, I do." Juwon mutters, his pointer finger tracing circles around the back of the older's hand. "It's just hard to let go sometimes."
Dongsik can only hum in understanding to this, he was more than aware of how hard letting go was.
After this conversation, Juwon starts to relax at home more, and his masking starts to slip. Dongsik carefully watches him bloom and unruffle his feathers when they are alone. He's more than endeared, and embraces everything he does. The first thing he notices when Juwon starts to relax is an echolalia, and when it clicked Dongsik may have had to repress the urge to cry.
It was around midnight, Juwon had finally gotten home from a long shift. He'd shifted over to a new department and was immdiately plopped with a heavy work load that he was grappling with. He was exhuasted, but they worked together at making a small dinner before retiring.
The younger man had showered first before coming into the kitchen to help, and kept rubbing at his eyes as he did what he could to assist the older man.
"Go sit down," Dongsik soothes, propping his chin on his shoulder. "I'll bring it over."
"Sit down." Juwon mutters, lifting his fingers to rub at his eyes as he turned. Dongsik doesn't question it, and plates thier food beforehe turns off the stove and kitchen lights, turning on the dining room one.
"Sit down." The younger mumbles tiredly as he sits next to Juwon at the dinner table.
"Yeah." Dongsik breathes as hands Juwon his chopsticks which he takes with the coordination of a drunk man. The older man laughs a bit, to which Juwon glares at him.
A few bites in and Juwon hums, wiggling in his chair as he takes a paticularly large bite. "Really good, hyung." He mumbles, looking a little more alive as he shimmies his shoulders.
"That good?" He laughs before shoving another bite in his mouth.
"Very good," Juwon concludes, almost halfway through his bowl and another pleased noise bubbles up his throat as he wiggles again. "Very very good."
"Have you aten at all today?" Dongsik runs his fingers through Juwon's hair, wetness clinging to it as it air drys.
Juwon remains silent, and Dongsik sucks his teeth in disappointment. "That's why you think it tastes so good." He scolds lightly.
"I forgot to eat." If Dongsik knew any better he would say he was pouting.
It was true that Juwon often forgot to eat, he's get so focused on something he would forget his bodily needs. Or even if he did remember and wanted to, his brain would simply not be able to comprehend the task, or allow him the energy to do it.
"That was probably my bad," Dongsik huffs, he'd been busy as well. "I forgot to remind you."
His favorite moment happened three weeks after Juwon had stopped masking infront of him, and he was more than comfortable around Dongsik. It was a day off, a rare and celebrated occurance - Juwon was elated with a full night's rest, and Dongsik had a face full of cat; Pochi the cat was a ruthless face sleeper, and the older man unfortunately his favorite to sleep on.
"I love you." Juwon had purred, much like how Pochi was moments ago on his face.
"Love you." He mumbled back, pressing his lips against the other's as they lay facing each other in bed.
"Love you, love you." Juwon says slowly, eyes closing again sleepily like he was in a dream. Dongsik's skin went flush as he realized that Juwon was echolaliaing his words, and bone deep heat at the further realization that his words were that impactful to his partner.
"I love you." He says again, kissing right where his jaw became his neck.
"I love you." Juwon repeats, even softer, and tenderly. Dongsik holds him a bit closer and feels his breath even out as he falls back to sleep.