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The Winchesters and Castiel had dealt with a group of demons and witches causing havoc in Ohio which had left the hunters with a few bruises and Castiel drained to the core. Smiting demons wasn't as easy as it once was and his grace had paid the price for it.
And thus, that's how the brothers ended up with an angel sleeping in the backseat.
Which was unnerving to say the least considering last time Cas was sleeping in the backseat was years ago after he had carved that banishing sigil on his chest.
The silence in the car was almost comforting though.
After a while Dean decided that their best shot was to get a motel room considering he was still sore from being thrown across a room and Sam had a bruised wrist, plus, it was still a good set of hours to get to the bunker. So first thing first he came to a stop at a diner.
-Bring me some pie.- Dean called out when Sam stepped out of the car.
-I know Dean.- Sam called back at the same time the door of the backseat opened. Castiel half crawling out
-Where are you going?- Dean asked with a frown as he turned to look at the angel in question.
-I need to use the bathroom.
Those words along with how disturbingly different he sounded caught the brothers completely off guard.
-Since when do you use the bathroom?- Was all Dean found himself asking which got him both a bitch face from Sam and a blank look from the angel.
-I fail to see how is that your business.
The unexpected comeback left Dean staring dumbly at the angel's back as this one made his way towards the diner.
He threw Sam a look that clearly said "WTF?" to which Sam just shrugged. Maybe Cas was still half asleep, who knows.
But even after Castiel came back nothing changed.
The angel opened the door to the backseat and crawled back inside. Slumping down like a man who had wasted his entire will to live in that short amount of time.
The brothers shared a look before Dean glanced at the angel through the rearview mirror.
-Did you wash your hands?- He asked more out of amusement than anything else.
-Of course I did, what am I, four?
That was not what Dean was expecting as an answer.
And his voice still sounded wrong.
Less like he had swallowed gravel and more like an actual human.
So all Dean could find himself saying was one single thing.
-Someone's moody.
-That's an understatement.- The angel snapped under his breath which did nothing but confuse the brothers even more.
Something was so wrong here.
~
Finding a motel room was easier than expected despite the fact that it was pissing Dean off Castiel's attitude of silence and sulking. He wouldn't talk to them nor would he answer to Sam's attempts of asking him if something was wrong.
All the angel did was crash on the couch once they got the keys to the room before falling asleep once again which was disturbing enough.
-Dude, tell me I'm not alone here when I say there's something definitely wrong with him.
-He did said his grace was drained... Maybe he is moody about it.
Dean wasn't convinced.
Something felt horribly off about the angel.
And that fact was proven next morning.
~
When the brothers woke up it was to Cas staring into space with a frown plastered on his face.
-Cas?
No answer.
-Cas.
This time Sam was the one who called a bit louder, but there was still no answer.
-Castiel!
Dean's sudden shout got even Sam snapping his head to attention to his brother not expecting Dean to shout at the angel of all things.
-Hello Dean. Sam. Good morning.- The angel greeted, his voice this time at least was back to normal.
-Something interesting in angel radio?- Dean's question got Castiel tilting his head to the side in confusion.
-No. It's silent. Why?
-Then what the hell are you so spacey for?
Castiel seemed to ponder if to answer with the truth or not before seeming to choose that he was too tired to care.
-He won't stop shouting at me.- The angel muttered as he pressed his hand against his temple with a grimace.
That raised red flags within the brothers.
-He? Who is he?- Dean asked as he got off the bed. The idea of Cas hearing voices wasn't comforting at all.
Still, the angel didn't answer.
He was grimacing again.
-Cas who is shouting?- Sam asked this time as he also got off the bed. Approaching the angel almost as if approaching a wild animal.
Cas seemed to hesitate for a moment before sighing in defeat.
-Jimmy Novak.
-Who the hell is that?
-Theoretically speaking, I believe you are staring at him.- Castiel told matter of fact to which Dean frowned.
-But I'm staring at you?
Castiel gave him a look.
It took a moment but Sam was the one who deciphered the meaning of the angel's words first. And the second he did the second he felt his breath catch in his throat.
But how?
After all Cas has gone through...
How could he still be alive?
-Jimmy is the name of the vessel. Right?- Sam asked needing confirmation. Castiel nodded.
-He's still there? But... Dude I thought with Raphael and Lucifer making confetti out of you he would had... you know. Died .- Dean said gaining a look from Sam at the far from sensitive choice of words he chose to voice that question with.
-An angel cannot possess a soulless vessel. It's... troublesome.- Castiel told before grimacing again as he felt the heated whispers turn into a pounding headache.
-Okay. You said he is shouting? What for?- Dean asked. It couldn't be because he wanted his body back. If so much like Sam had done with Gadreel he would have kicked Cas out.
-Most of it are blasphemous words. He's pissed because we were both drained after I smote the demons and therefore his soul isn't reacting well to it.
-What does it mean his soul isn't reacting well to it? Is he in pain?- Sam asked half concerned half alarmed.
-No but-
Castiel sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes glew for a moment. His shoulders sagged and he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes with a groan.
-I swear to God.
That was not Castiel's voice and the brothers found themselves leaning back almost as if struck both due the difference in tone and the fact that he spoke like that . And that voice was definitely the same as yesterday.
Sam was the one who seemed to snap out of it first and with some hesitation he spoke.
-Jimmy?
-What?- The voice snapped back as he met Sam's gaze with a glare and all about his entire being was wrong. Not Cas. Not Cas. So so friggin' wrong.
-You alright?- Sam asked a bit awkward because despite how odd and unexpected this was he did want to know if the man was okay. A man he had never pondered about until now.
And wasn't that just sad?
-Peachy.- Jimmy stated with a bitter tone.
-Well aren't you a ray of sunshine?- Dean said not sure what to make of this guy's pissy attitude. A glare is what he got in return.
-Well, forgive me if I'm not all rainbows and unicorns. Being strapped to a fucking comet that gets you shot and stabbed on a daily basis for nine years straight does that to you. You try it out see how it goes.- Jimmy glowers as he gets up.
And then his eyes glew and talk about disturbing on how his entire body language shifted back to a more familiar stance.
-Cas? What the hell was that?
-I'm too weak to keep him asleep and with his soul awake the control keeps switching.- The angel said sitting back down with the vibe of someone who was only awake due sheer force of will.
Still.
That explained the oddities from yesterday.
-He's not gonna kick you out is he?- Dean asked suddenly alarmed. For the first time since meeting Cas was he fully aware that that was not Cas' body.
-He won't.- Castiel assured as he fought the urge to fall back into oblivion. He needed to clear things first if he wanted to do what he intended to do.
-Dude's got an attitude bigger than the friggin' state.- Dean told still unable to believe someone with that attitude shared space with Cas.
-He's a good man.- Castiel frowned to which Dean scoffed.
-He's a dick.
-He's not.- The angel defended with a firm tone that left no room for arguments.
-Dude sounds like he hates your guts.- Dean pointed out to which Castiel's shoulders dropped in guilt.
-I didn't exactly bring joy to him and those around him. I think he is entitled to hate me.
Those words caught the brothers off guard.
Because he couldn't mean...
-Cas... Does he have a family?- Sam asked at the implications behind the angel's words.
For a moment, Castiel didn't answer before wording out a set of haunting words.
-A wife and a daughter.
-A wife and a daughter.- Dean repeated in disbelief to which Castiel nodded.
-Amelia and Claire.
-How old is his daughter?- Sam asked feeling a lump in his throat at the fact that neither of them had ever cared to dwell on the fact that Cas was possessing someone.
-17.- The angel answered before frowning and tilting his head to the side as if listening to something. Then he corrected himself.- No. 18. She turned 18 last week.
His words made the brothers feel nauseous.
Cas has been around them for nine years which meant the girl must had been around 12 when-
-Cas doesn't he miss them?- The angel's entire demeanor changed and he avoided their gaze with something akind to both guilt and shame.
-Of course he does. How could he not?- Castiel said pressing a hand against his chest where the soft buzzing of Jimmy's soul was. He then met the brothers' gaze.- He regrets agreeing to this as much as I regret asking him. But there's nothing I can do about it. He long ago gave up returning home.- Those last words were added with an almost dark look.
As if there was more to it than what he was telling them.
And so Dean asked.
-What does that mean?
Castiel sighed almost managing to sound miserable and like he long ago also gave up on releasing the man.
-Even if I was to leave the fact that he is my vessel will never allow him to have a normal life. The demons will never stop chasing him and neither will the angels. Either to kill him or to get information he doesn't have. Going back will do nothing but bring death and bloodshed around him.
There was something about how he said that that gave the brothers a bad feeling.
And then it clicked.
-It happened before didn't it?- Sam said not sure if he even wanted an answer.
Castiel nodded.
-Our first agreement was for me to use him to stop the seals from breaking. I never expected for it all to turn how it did. Still he didn't complain. And when Zachariah got to me...
Castiel could sometimes still feel the searing pain of being torn out of a vessel without a single trace of hesitation.
It was one of the memories he liked to keep shut down in the depths of his mind.
-It made sense for him to go back home... That's all he ever wanted and he deserved it but...
-The demons found him.- Dean said as a statement of fact.
Castiel nodded.
-His wife thought he was having some kind of lunatic episode and crossed the line of salt. She got possessed and kidnapped their daughter. He went after them on his own. Cursed at me for breaking our deal despite the fact that I couldn't reach him at the time. Got shot and almost killed after arriving all on his own.
Castiel still felt the guilt threatening to swallow him whenever he thought about the sight of Jimmy bleeding to death.
-I chose to possess the daughter so as to prevent possible outcomes against her. I killed the demons and went back to Jimmy. I gave him control back after I healed him and let him deal with them. They came to the agreement to never see each other again.
-Just like that?
-Just like that what?
-No offense Cas but if an angel was to take someone I care about from me I would hunt the bastard down even if it was the last thing I did.- Dean still remembers the horror of Gadreel leaving with Sam.
-His wife tried to hunt me down after their agreement. Almost got herself killed following the wrong leads. But she stopped...
Castiel sometimes wondered what would had happened if Hannah hadn't left and he hadn't gone looking for Claire and Amelia.
If he hadn't found Amelia in time.
-She doesn't hate me as much as she used to but she doesn't like me either. Not that I blame her. And Claire... She did hate me at first too but I'm not sure she still does. She texts me sometimes. She became a hunter.- He added as an afterthought.
That got the hunters' attention.
-A hunter?
-Yes. She's quite good at it.
-She's a kid. She should be in school.- Dean frowned almost as if it was obvious.
-Her mother knows what she does and despite her dislike of it she doesn't stop her. If all, she's quite proud of her daughter and so is her father. He's seen her kill a demon all on her own. He knows she can handle herself. And the school part... she finished school a while ago.
-Still, she's hunting alone what if something happens?- Sam asks mortified at the idea of that girl running around hunting monsters all on her own with no one at all to back her up.
A bit hypocrite considering he had been left hunting on his own a few times.
-She's got an anti-possession tattoo. I branded her ribs to hide her from angels and I gave her an angel blade. And despite how stubborn she can be she is not that reckless... even so, she sometimes texts me if she thinks something isn't right about the hunt she is on. But like I said. She can handle herself, she is greatly skilled.
Castiel sounded almost proud at that last statement.
And for the looks of it it seemed he had made sure to keep that girl as safe as possible.
It lessened their worries but it did not dissipated them.
-Can I ask something? A favor if you will?- Castiel asked after a moment. He wasn't sure if he was even allowed to ask something like this. Did favors fell into this category? Or was it too much? He wasn't sure but his head was pounding and he needed to solve this before something horrible happened.
-Of course, what is it?- The question itself caught the brothers off guard, because now that they thought about it this was probably the first time since knowing Cas that he had ever asked for something.
-I know it's a strange thing to ask, but I would like to give him the complete control while I rest. Like I said, I cannot put him back to sleep and due it we keep switching. I cannot rest if I have to focus on his soul's location at all moments and I cannot ignore it because if we keep switching like this his soul could come into direct contact with me and therefore suffer irreparable damage.
-You want...
Sam and Dean weren't sure how to react.
Because the weight of what Cas was asking for set like stone in their chests and burned like fire in their throats.
He was weak and he was asking them to protect him . He was willing to put himself in such vulnerable situation and he was trusting them to protect him.
And there was something about that kind of trust being thrown at them with such ease that pulled at their heartstrings like a bastard.
-Keep him safe too.- The angel's voice pulled them out of their internal emotional moment.- If he gets hurt I won't be able to heal him as quick as some human injuries need to be healed to avoid death.
Sam and Dean noticed something as Castiel said those words.
He wasn't saying it because it would be troublesome for the vessel to lose its soul.
He was saying it because he didn't want Jimmy to get hurt nor die.
It wasn't about the vessel.
It was about the man.
Cas was probably the first and only angel the brothers would ever see that gave a fuck about the person he was possessing.
-Of course Cas. We will keep you both safe.- Sam reassured.
-He won't run off right?- Dean asked definitely not looking forward to a potential chase after the dude.
-He won't. He's got nowhere to run to and he knows his safest bet is to stay with you both.- Castiel told with one last look to them. One look that said it all.
He trusted them to protect them both.
Cas who was vulnerable and Jimmy who Cas couldn't protect for the time being. The brothers got the message.
His eyes glew and his entire body language shifted once again.
And then those eyes were staring back at them almost like a challenge before he seemed to re-think about whatever he was about to say. Then he sighed and got up.
-Where are you going?- Dean asked half like a demand half suspicious. Jimmy gave him an annoyed look.
-Out. I haven't eaten in weeks.
-I thought angels didn't eat.- Sam frowned.
-He doesn't. I do. But he's asleep and I'm not and I'm starving.- Jimmy told already growing exasperated.
-You don't have any money on you.- Dean pointed out.
-For a matter of fact, I do.
-Okay. Okay. Just let us go with you.- Sam tried, not wanting to let the guy out of their sight.
-I'm not gonna run off and I don't need babysitters.- Jimmy scowled feeling his patience starting to waver. Was it so difficult to just let him go? He wasn't gonna run off for the love of God, all he wanted was to eat something why couldn't he do something simple without getting questioned about it?
"Because there is an angel inside you."
That little voice at the back of his mind supplied almost in a mocking tone.
-We know but we also need to eat something, so what's the point of going our separate ways if we may even end up in the same place?- Sam said to which he got an annoyed look.
-Fine. Whatever.
-Good. Just give us a few minutes.
Jimmy groaned but didn't fight it. He was still a bit sore despite the fact that Castiel was the one who fucked up.
Fighting these guys wasn't worth it.
~
Watching Castiel-not-Castiel eating like it was his last day on Earth was disturbing to say the least.
But to be fair he did said he hadn't eaten in weeks.
Speaking of which.
-You said before you haven't eaten anything in weeks which means you have eaten before.- Sam said pondering how could someone eat so many pancakes in one sitting and not get sick. This was his fourth plate already.
-I eat sometimes. It's part of our agreement.- Jimmy says absently. He had forgotten how absolutely delicious pancakes could be with so many different syrups and so many options for toppings.
-Agreement?
Dean's question made Jimmy realize what he had said and he sighed. Glancing at the hunter for a moment before taking his attention off his pancakes.
-We are two minds sharing a body. An agreement had to be put in order for this to work, don't you think? I get to eat from time to time so my stomach won't feel like it's about to collapse if he is to ever abandon the premises without warning like last time. And I get to see or call my family whenever I want.
-And that works for you?- Dean couldn't help but ask. That sounded like such little things to ask for considering what he was giving in exchange.
-It's all I care about.- Jimmy shrugged as he leaned back against the chair. He didn't felt that hungry anymore.
-How does it feel like?- Sam asked out of nowhere. From where the curiosity came from or the why he wasn't sure. All he knew is that he found himself craving for the answer.
Because for him with Lucifer it had felt like a suffocating flood of piercing ice that threatened to drown him at any given moment.
And Gadreel...
He never felt Gadreel.
But Jimmy seemed to be perfectly fine.
-You want to know how it feels like to be possessed by an angel?- Jimmy sounded as lost as Dean himself felt.
Because what the fuck was that question for?
Sam nodded.
-... I wasn't being dramatic before. It does feel like being strapped to a comet. At least when he is the one in control. When not...- Jimmy brought his hand to his chest out of reflex.
Right where he could feel the soft hum of warmness that spread across his chest like a cozy blanket. It had decreased in strenght over the years, but to be fair the angel has gotten fucked up over and over again.
He was entitled to grow weak.
-It feels like having a small ball of humming heat curled inside your chest.- Jimmy conceded as he dropped his hand to his lap.
-You can feel him?- Sam asked half disturbed half amazed as he stared at the spot where the hand had been resting. He felt transfixed with the knowledge that Cas was there .
-Only when he is weak. He hides for the most part when I am the one driving.
-How are you still alive?- Dean's question got him a scandalized look from Sam who couldn't believe his brother would dare to ask something so insensitive.
-I have no clue.
That's all the answer Dean got and that's all the answer he was gonna get if his tone was something to go for.
-Cas said once that you prayed for this. Not judging here but you had a wife and a daughter, a family , why would you ask an angel to possess you?- Dean's question got him a kick from under the table courtesy of Sam who despite being curious too knew that they should be careful with their words towards the man.
Because what if Jimmy decided to change his mind and kicked Cas out because Dean couldn't keep his questions to himself?
Still, the last thing either of the brothers expected was for Jimmy to scoff and glance out of the window with an almost bitter look.
-When Castiel first reached out to me I was awestruck. I mean, I believed in all of it from the start, but there was something about being faced with the real deal that put the world into an entire new perspective.
He then turned to look at the brothers with a bitter expression.
-The second time he reached out I understood. He didn't care at all about what I had or what I could lose, all he wanted was a meatsuit . He said that across Earth only two vessels were compatible with him and that if I refused he would go to the other.
It didn't took a genius to know who was the other and the sole realization of what that meant slapped the Winchesters with the crude reminder of how Cas had been in the past.
-So I told him I would think about it. He asked me to dip my hand into a pot of boiling water to prove my faith. I didn't get hurt nor even felt the heat but my wife walked in on me. Let's say that that's a fantastic way of making others think you are completely insane. At the end I asked him what was the extent of what he asked for and so I agreed. Now look at me. I'm a full time meatsuit.
He sounded as bitter as he looked tired and defeated of the world itself.
Sam and Dean got to realize the reason behind his attitude.
He was a man who was dragged into a war he didn't ask for and that had long ago grown so tired of being in it but that he also knew he couldn't leave that he no longer gave a complete fuck about a lot of things.
Cas had said it.
That he never expected things turn out the way they did.
"He regrets agreeing to this as much as I regret asking him."
Still.
The fact that he had sacrificed himself for his daughter hit too close to home for Dean's taste.
Respect bloomed in his chest for the dude.
And on the other hand, it was a hundred times better than having to visualize Cas possessing a child.
Dean nor Sam thought that they would had been able to ignore that fact.
Not really.