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Even though he tried to hide it, Natsu saw.
Of course he was too busy puking his guts out at the time to actually say anything, but it’s the fact that he saw that was important. Natsu was able to count the amount of times he had seen Gray cry on his fingers, so the fact that the ice mage was openly crying in the carriage that was bringing them home after the near apocalyptic events of the Grand Magic Games, something had to be bothering the ice mage…and that something had to be big.
He dizzily stared at his rival’s shaking back as he continued to lean out the window staring at something or someone in the distance. He couldn’t remember much of what happened up to this very second seeing as he felt so shitty, but he could faintly remember the raven shouting at the driver to stop the carriage. His stomach churned once again, only this time he knew that it wasn’t because of the movement of the vehicle.
If there was one thing he hated the most about Gray, it was when he cried. Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t against emotions or anything; if anything, he believed that emotions were a good thing. However, as much as emotions were needed he absolutely hated seeing his rival cry; when Gray cried that meant that he was in a great amount of pain…pain so great that he could no longer keep it hidden behind his icy walls.
He watched as the ice mage slowly retreated from the window and slumped back in his seat; his pale hands covering his face from the world. To someone who wasn’t paying attention to the ice mage’s breakdown only moments before, it would seem as though he was suffering from a headache; he had to guess that’s what Erza, Wendy, Carla, Lucy and Happy thought it was or else they would be pestering him about what was wrong with him and once they would start prying, Gray would close up completely and ignore them for the rest of the ride home despite Erza’s threats.
Natsu frowned at himself, though he bet it looked more like a grimace than anything; why was he thinking so much about Gray anyways? Sure he didn’t like when his rival was hurting, but he usually didn’t think so deeply about it. If he wasn’t in the carriage, he would probably pick a fight with him in an attempt to take his mind off whatever was bothering him…like rivals would do; he was probably just thinking so strangely because of sick he was.
And once again, there was also the matter of Gray’s pride and how he preferred to be viewed by the world. The dragon slayer remembered how the ice mage acted when they were kids; a lot of what Gray did back then was a front…even back then he was too prideful to accept help and caring gestures from the members of the guild. Now that he knew about what Gray went through in the past, it was easier for him to understand why the ice mage was the way he was; but he also didn’t try to linger too much on it either.
Gray was Gray and he was an idiot; the story was simple as that.
Natsu’s stomach lurched when they passed over another bump in the road causing him to groan obnoxiously. He was faintly aware of Lucy telling (more like yelling at) him not to get sick on her clothes and he was sure Wendy was apologizing to him for not being able to cast Troia on him again. And he was more than positive that Erza was rolling her eyes at him and offering to knock him out, but that didn’t bother him too much. Now the fact that there was no one calling him pathetic or cursing at him…
That bothered him immensely.
FTFTFTFT
Natsu smiled brightly as he watched his guild mates mingle with the villagers. His family members were cheering, laughing, singing, dancing, drinking, eating and partying without fear of ridicule or lack of finance. After seven years of pain and suffering, the people they had unintentionally left behind could finally smile again; no one would ever think about looking down on Fairy Tail after all they had accomplished. Fairy Tail was once again the strongest guild in Fiore, everything was right in the world.
But at the same time, it wasn’t.
He scowled slightly as he took a swig of his fire whiskey. Although most of the guild was celebrating their victory in the Grand Magic Games, there was one person who wasn’t and it pissed him off to no end that he was so bothered about it. Gray was still upset about what he saw from the carriage and he wanted to punch the ice princess for being so moody. Of course, the ice mage did have a tendency to be moody sometimes (that’s why they fought so much), but this was just getting ridiculous.
Not even Juvia was able to cheer the ice mage up.
It was obvious from the very moment they returned to Magnolia that whatever Gray saw in the carriage was still bothering him. It seemed as though the ice mage had given up on hiding his emotions all together; though his sadness morphed into anger instead. The dragon slayer was sure that the scowling raven even scared some of the villagers away with the aura that he was giving off. When he saw the water mage scolding the ice mage for scaring the villagers he thought that the issue would be handled and too most people it would seem that it was.
Sure, Gray looked more relaxed and even a small smile was planted on his pale face; but that was far from how he was truly feeling. Instead of letting go of the hurt he was feeling, the ice mage merely covered it up like he always did. Out of the corner of his eye, Natsu noticed that Erza seemed to be looking at Gray with suspicion in her steely gaze; it seemed as though the Queen of the Fairies noticed something was wrong as well. The pinkette also glanced at Wendy and she seemed to be looking at Gray with sadness; if he remembered correctly, the sky dragon slayer was talking to Gray about something when they took that break in the meadow on the way back home. But that was before the ice mage had his little breakdown in the carriage.
Natsu swallowed more of his fire whiskey as he glanced around the loud guild hall. It didn’t take him long to realize that the rival he was looking for wasn’t there. The pinkette tapped his fingers on his mug for a brief moment before he lifted himself off the bench and started to make his way towards the front doors. He didn’t care if the ice block was ready to talk or not, he was going to get the answers he wanted even if he had to beat the shit out of the ice mage to do so.
He was about to push the doors open when a slim hand wrapped around his wrist. At first he thought it was Lucy being her somewhat nosy self, but was surprised to see that it was none other than Juvia; shouldn’t she be stalking Gray by now? He raised an eyebrow at the blunette when she didn’t let go of his wrist.
“Are,” She whispered and dropped his arm, “Are you going to find Gray-sama?”
The pinkette folded his arms across his chest impatiently,
“Yeah, someone needs to beat some sense into the idiot; who better to do it than me?”
The water mage didn’t say anything in response and simply continued to stare at him with her wide blue eyes. He shrugged his shoulders and went to leave once more only for Juvia to grab onto the back of his vest. His forehead furrowed at the odd action; since when has she ever tried to touch him? If anything the only contact that she has ever had with him was if she felt that he was threatening her ‘precious Gray-sama’ in some way. It was always so annoying when she interrupted their spars; Gray could take care of himself just fine damnit.
“Please bring Gray-sama home,” She said softly, “Juvia thinks it would be better for him to be with his family; especially after what happened during the battle with the dragons.”
“That battle with the dragons?” Natsu repeated incredulously, “What does that have to do with anything?”
Juvia was silent for a brief moment before she sniffled,
“Gray-sama will tell you when he feels like it; just make sure he’s alright…”
“Why wouldn’t he…”
“Because if he’s not,” Juvia released the back of his vest and glared at him menacingly, “Juvia will trap you in a Water Lock and leave you there for eternity.”
Natsu blinked owlishly at the threat and watched slack-jawed as the water mage turned on her heel and marched back into the hoard of guild members and villagers. He scratched his cheek thoughtfully wondering what the hell her problem was as he finally managed to leave the guild hall. There were a few places Gray would’ve gone to get away from prying eyes, but Natsu was sure that he knew exactly where the ice bastard was…
Though his sense of smell did help a little.
FTFTFTFT
The dragon slayer couldn’t help but smile to himself as he stood upon the grassy ridge that overlooked the riverbank; though the river itself was no longer present…ah, the memories. However, any sense of nostalgia that he may have felt at that moment disappeared when his honey eyed gaze landed on Gray’s bare back. It was no surprise that the stripper lost his clothing somewhere along the way; the idiot really had to work on that one day, though he doubted that it would ever change.
He wouldn’t be Gray Fullbuster if he didn’t strip every chance he got.
Natsu quietly made his way down to the bank as the rays of the full moon shone down on Gray’s alabaster skin; it almost gave him an unearthly glow. He suppressed the chill that travelled down his spine and shook his head back and forth; he must have had more fire whiskey than he thought. As he got closer to the ice mage, he noticed that the raven was merely staring at the empty river with his hands tangled in the long grass. Natsu found himself wincing as he noticed how tense Gray’s muscles were; it was as if he was waiting to be attacked.
“Oi ice princess,” He called loudly, “Why are ya hiding all the way here? Did you finally realize no one wanted to see your ugly mug?”
Smooth Natsu…smooth…
He fought the urge to face palm and continued walking towards his solemn friend; he always did that and it was always worse when he was trying to talk to Gray. For as long as he could remember he hasn’t been able to say something to the ice mage without teasing him in some way. It was as if it was innately built into him or something. Of course Gray usually insulted him back, but now was obviously not the time; he could already hear Lucy scolding him for being insensitive.
“Go away Natsu,” The ice mage spat without turning towards him, “I don’t have the energy to put up with your bullshit today.”
The pinkette immediately froze in his footsteps and stared at the raven wide-eyed,
“Did you just call me by my real name?”
Gray scoffed in annoyance,
“You’re either an idiot or you’ve spontaneously gone deaf; seeing as you haven’t left me alone yet, I’m betting on a mix of the two.”
Natsu bristled and clenched his fists at his sides,
“It’s not my fault! You’re the one who’s acting strangely; calling me by my name instead of a nickname, what the hell’s your problem?!”
Although the pinkette couldn’t see his rival’s face, he was pretty sure Gray rolled his eyes at him. The chirping of the crickets was all that could be heard as the ice mage continued ignoring his presence. Natsu cursed under his breath and walked up to Gray and sat down beside him with his legs folded and his arms crossed over his chest; two could play at this game. If Gray was going to try and ignore him all night, then Natsu would just have to prove to him that he could be just as stubborn as that block head.
Natsu tapped his calloused fingers against his forearms as he waited for Gray to get annoyed with him; it honestly shouldn’t take too long. He yawned loudly before shaking his head to wake himself up. The fire whiskey was probably starting to catch up with him, but to hell with that. He was stronger than alcohol and he needed to stay awake so Gray wouldn’t run away from him. He forced back another yawn and started to snap his fingers out of boredom; the first snap would cause a flame to dance across his fingertip and the second snap would put it out. Maybe if he did this enough he could keep himself occupied enough that he wouldn’t fall asleep.
He continued doing this for a few moments before he felt a familiar fist crash over the top of his head. He shouted loudly and rolled to his feet grasping the top of his head in an attempt to sooth the pain. The pinkette glared at the raven for the unnecessary punch only for his eyes to soften slightly we he noticed how tired his rival was. They were barely there, but Natsu’s keen gaze could see the beginning of bags appearing under Gray’s deep blue eyes and the ice mage’s jaw was so tensed that he was pretty sure he could see vein bulging under his skin.
“I thought I told you to leave me the hell alone flame brain,” Gray muttered, “I don’t want you here, why don’t you understand that?”
Natsu dropped his hand from his head and rolled his eyes,
“Because you’re the only one stupid enough to believe that you want to be alone.”
The raven’s eyes narrowed dangerously,
“What did you say?”
“That you’re being stupid,” He stated bluntly, “The last thing you want is to be alone Gray, even I can see that.”
Silence greeted his statement.
Natsu looked over his rival/best friend and noticed that his gaze had turned towards the empty river once more. He sighed loudly and returned to his previous position beside the ice mage. The dumbass was doing what he always did when he felt that he was being cornered; he would get angry and then he would retreat. He fought the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and decided to try a different approach; though it’d most likely cause a brawl than get the ice mage to open up. But at this point of the night, he was willing to do anything and that included attacking Gray where he was the most sensitive.
“So I saw you crying on the carriage today,” He told him flatly, “Care to tell me what that was about?”
Gray immediately stiffened,
“I don’t know what you’re talking about; you were probably the one who was crying because you wanted to barf everywhere.”
Natsu rolled his eyes,
“I know what I saw ice block; you were blubbering like a baby for no reason, you’re really pathetic you know that?”
The dragon slayer fought back a smirk as he noticed Gray’s muscles twitch. It was obvious that the ice mage was trying to stop himself from overreacting; but if there was one thing that Natsu was really good at, it was getting under Gray’s skin.
“You’re the pathetic one,” Gray fired back, “You can’t even get onto a freaking carriage without throwing up.”
“Oh yeah,” Natsu snorted forcefully; god, he was going to regret this, “I would’ve at least won the first round of the Games for our team.”
He fought back a flinch as he saw the flash of pain and self-hatred flash across his rival’s face. He didn’t know when he started caring about Gray’s feelings, but he was practically wounded by the look of betrayal that the raven was shooting at him right now. On that day, Natsu was just as furious as Gray was; his friend had just been torn down and humiliated in front of Earthland. However, he also knew that he had to make Gray talk somehow; even if it meant hurting him.
Natsu didn’t even try to fight back as a fist came flying at him again and struck him in the nose. He cursed as his nose throbbed under the impact, but couldn’t help but feel victorious simply due to the frost that started to permeate the air around them. He instinctively rose his own internal temperature so that he would better withstand Gray’s rage; he knew from experience just how powerful that rage could be.
“Shut up,” Gray hissed furiously as he rose to his feet, “I made up for that when I defeated Rufus in the finals.”
Natsu rubbed the pain out of his nose,
“But Laxus was the one who got revenge for you from that Pudding head and Raven Tail; they were the ones that truly slighted you and you couldn’t even get revenge on your own. You had to rely on someone else’s strength.”
The dragon slayer found himself freezing as the words left his mouth; it was as if Gray’s ice magic had frozen him stiff. His heart thudded guiltily in his chest; he knew then that he took it too far. He had knowingly, and obliviously, shone light on Gray’s greatest fear. He watched solemnly as the fight suddenly left the ice mage. Pale fists clutched uselessly at his sides as he glared at the ground; refusing to even meet Natsu’s gaze. Natsu opened his mouth to rectify what he had said only for Gray’s stoic voice to cut him off.
“Yeah, I tend to do that don’t I?”
Natsu clenched his jaw,
“Gray,”
“No,” He shook his head adamantly, “No Natsu, you’re right; the only reason why I even exist today is because my very existence relies on the strength of others.”
The pinkette’s mouth snapped shut as the self-loathing reached his sensitive ears; what the hell happened? Sure, Natsu touched a nerve but something about what he just said seemed too raw as if he was speaking about something that happened recently. It reminded him of their mission on Galuna Island when Gray was talking to Lyon about taking responsibility for what happened to Ur; when he was about to seal Lyon using Iced Shell at the cost of his life.
“Did you know that I died during that battle?”
It was as if Natsu’s heart stopped beating,
“What, What the hell does that mean?!”
Natsu watched in shock as Gray, with emotionless deep blue eyes, pressed his hand just below his left pectoral…then two places in his abdomen…then over his Fairy Tail emblem…then to his arm…and his legs…and every possible part of his body that he could possibly reach. When Natsu thought he was done with whatever he was doing, the pinkette watched as Gray slowly, but resolutely, touched the center of his forehead.
“Those were the places I was struck,” His stated blandly, “When I was attacked by a hoard of dragonlings.”
The dragon slayer’s eyes widened uncomprehending disbelief; Gray was killed by the dragonlings. There might have been a chance for him to survive if he only received the body shots, but the final shot to the head…Natsu’s chest grew tight as he realized just how close he was to losing his best friend that day and didn’t even know about it. Suddenly, Natsu’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion,
“But Gray, if you died, how the hell are you standing here right now?”
He wasn’t complaining or anything; he was relieved that Gray and everyone else survived that battle. He was so busy fighting Future Rogue that he wouldn’t have known who would’ve died until the very end of the battle. His mind subconsciously jumped to the moment, that one minute, where he was able to predict the move Future Rogue was about to do…does that have something to do with all this?
He returned his attention to Gray and the ice mage’s hands were shaking at his sides. Natsu frowned at his; he had never, in all the time that he’s known the raven, seen the maker mage’s hands tremble like they were right now. Something inside Natsu wanted him to walk over to Gray and stop his hands from shaking; they were the tools for his magic, they should be steady and sure…anything other than that signified fear and Natsu didn’t like that one bit.
“I’m standing here,” He whispered; his voice suddenly choked with suppressed emotion, “Because I rely on the strength of others in order to survive; you’re the one who said it Natsu.”
Natsu felt the palms of his hands heat up as he got frustrated,
“I didn’t mean it dumbass; I was trying to get a rise out of you!”
Gray pressed his fingers to his forehead and barked a laugh,
“But it’s the truth! My parents, Ur and now Ultear, the only reason I’m alive is because other people used their strength to make up for my weakness!”
“Ultear?” Natsu repeated in confusion, “What does Ultear have to do with this?”
The ice mage threw his hands to the sky in frustration,
“You’re an idiot if you can’t figure it out! I was dead one minute and alive the next and I’m willing to bet that there was moment where you were fighting and it felt like you saw the future, yeah?”
Natsu ignored the insult and nodded his head slowly indicating Gray to continue,
“Ultear’s magic is the lost magic, the Arc of Time ; she used her magic to send time back so that we could have a better chance at defeating Future Rogue and the dragonlings.”
The pinkette frowned at Gray’s explanation,
“We don’t know if that’s what happened; it could’ve been anything.”
Natsu stood still as Gray stormed towards him and grabbed onto his muffler. He was nearly drowning in the raven’s sorrow as teary blue eyes met his own. The ice mage shook him slightly as if to shake some sense into him; though all it accomplished was churning his stomach. Natsu pushed at Gray’s chest to get him to let go; he couldn’t do too much if the world didn’t stop spinning.
“When you first got here,” Gray stated thickly, “You wanted to know why I was crying in the carriage.”
Natsu raised his eyebrow impatiently,
“Well yeah, you’re not acting like your pompous self I had to see what the heck was bothering you.”
Gray bit his lip and clenched his fists tightly,
“Before leaving the Games, I went to look for Ultear and the others so I could say goodbye to her, but Jellal and Meredy didn’t know where she was either, so I left and told them to tell her I said goodbye and hoped to see them around soon.
“On the way back from the Games I was still a little thrown off by the fact that for one whole minute I was dead and I was haunted by the fact that I was still alive. Instead of being happy all I felt was guilt and grief and I didn’t know why,” Gray released a shaky breath, “At least until I saw an old woman standing on the side of the road.”
“Okay?” Natsu narrowed his eyes in confusion, “And what was so important about this little old lady?”
Gray pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed under his breath,
“If you’d shut up and stop interrupting me I could tell you.”
The dragon slayer scowled at his rival, but allowed him to continue with his story; even if the ice mage was taking forever to get to his point:
“That old lady, I had no clue who she was or why she was there…but there was something about her that seemed familiar. When I looked at her, my guilt and grief seemed to disappear and I didn’t understand why; all she was doing was staring up at the sky, she held no meaning for me…until she smiled . She was smiling so freely; without guilt or pain, and somehow, I knew it was Ultear…she had sacrificed herself so that we could get out of that battle alive…
“I tried to stop the carriage, just so I could be sure, but she just shook her head and told me not to. All I could do was cry as she slowly disappeared without a trace. The reason I’m alive is because she sacrificed her time in this world; like mother like daughter I suppose.”
As Gray finished his tale, Natsu could see that he was falling apart at the seams and for the first time, he didn’t know what he could do. Their relationship was never normal; they didn’t comfort each other like typical people did, they usually fought each other until the person hurting felt better. But this time, Natsu knew that it wouldn’t be enough. Just from looking at him, the dragon slayer could see that the only thing holding Gray together was his deteriorating pride; even then, it wouldn’t be enough.
“Did she know that you died?”
Gray’s eyes snapped up from where they rested on the ground and stared at him in disbelief. Natsu was equally a surprised; he sure wasn’t planning on saying something like that, but hey, he wasn’t a very eloquent person.
“Did she what?” Gray stared at him incredulously.
Natsu folded his arms across his chest,
“Did she know that you died in that minute?”
The raven blinked at him,
“How the hell should I know?! I was dead dumbass!”
“Exactly,” He forced out painfully, “You were dead; you don’t know what caused her to do what she did. She might have sacrificed herself for everyone’s sake, not just to save you.”
Gray growled under his breath and pushed Natsu away from him,
“You just don’t understand…”
Natsu stood stupefied as the angered ice mage shoved him and turned on his heel. No, there was no way he was going to let Gray run away from this; he wasn’t going to let the idiot blame himself for shit that he can’t control anymore. In three long strides, Natsu dove at the ice mage and wrapped his arms around the trim waist and brought him sprawling to the ground. He heard Gray curse at him, but he ignored him and kept his weight distributed on Gray’s hips.
“What the fuck are you doing fire breath?!” He spat furiously, “Get off of me!”
“No,” Natsu scowled, “It’s my turn to talk; I’m sick of you being the bane of your own existence!”
The raven glared at the pinkette darkly,
“What do you expect?! I’ve been alive for eighteen years Natsu and of those eighteen years I should have died three times and didn’t; I’m living on borrowed time as it is.”
The dragon slayer slapped Gray across the face; turning his pale skin pink,
“Stop talking like that; you’re alive for a reason Gray, those people gave their lives for you because they love you! Why do you refuse to see that their deaths weren’t your fault; just listen to me you frosty dumbass!”
“What’s the point of doing that?!” Gray exploded shoving Natsu off him, “I’ve already learned my lesson; I’ve learned the cost of love and the cost for loving me is death. I’ve accepted that, it’s time that everyone does too.”
Natsu pushed himself off the ground and dusted himself off. Anger rushed through his veins with each word that Gray said. He stomped over to the ice mage who was just getting to his feet as well and grabbed onto the silver cross necklace that hung around his neck. The action caused the ice mage’s eyes to come out from behind his dark hair and Natsu saw the tears that were rushing down his cheeks.
“I’ve been broken so many times; my parents, Ur…” He swallowed back a sob, “And yet, despite that I tried coming back for more and all its brought me is more emptiness; Ultear is dead and nothing is going to change that.”
Gray mirrored Natsu by grabbing his muffler,
“And I won’t let that happen to you too…”
Natsu released Gray’s necklace and instead grabbed the back of his neck. He tangled his fingers dark strands as he buried the ice mage’s face in his shoulder and wrapped his arms around the slightly older mage tightly. He inhaled the raven’s wintry scent as cold drops of water started to land on his warm skin. His chest burned from Gray’s confession; he knew that the ice mage was afraid of losing his Fairy Tail family, but he never truly understood how much until this moment.
“After all these years,” Natsu whispered into Gray’s hair as he ran his fingers soothingly through his hair, “You haven’t learned a thing.”
He felt Gray try to move out of his grip, but Natsu tightened his hold and kept him still:
“You claim you’ve been broken, you claim that you’ve learned the cost of love…but even before you lost Ultear, before you knew she was alive, you still found a home with Fairy Tail. You found a home with Gramps, with Mira, Elfman, Lisanna, Cana, Macao, Wakaba, Laxus, Freed, Bickslow, Evergreen, Erza, Lucy, Happy, Wendy, Carla, Gajeel, Levy, and with everyone else in our crazy family…you found a home with me .
“So of course, you haven’t learned a thing; after all these years, you still haven’t realized that we won’t leave you here alone…I won’t let you be alone, you hear me? After all the times you’ve called me ‘idiot’, I thought you’d know that idiots can’t die.”
Gray’s grip tightened on Natsu’s muffler slightly,
“You’re such a sap.”
Natsu smiled goofily and absently pressed a feather-light kiss to the raven’s temple,
“Nah, I’m just awesome.”
The ice mage scoffed at him, but refused to let him go. Natsu didn’t know how long they stayed like that until he felt Gray become dead weight on his shoulder. He leaned back enough so he could get a glimpse of Gray’s face. There were still some drying tear tracks on his face, but other than that he was out cold; and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, he seemed peaceful. Natsu smiled softly as he brushed his warm fingers over the ice mage’s cheekbones.
He carefully shifted Gray’s form so that his head was pillowed on Natsu’s shoulder while his arms grabbed his lower back and underneath his legs. The dragon slayer laughed to himself; Gray would probably kill him if he found out that he was being carried bridal style; but he honestly shouldn’t be surprised, he was an ice princess after all…
He was Natsu’s ice princess and for however long it took, he would save Gray from himself.